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LifetimeLoser's Blog

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The Big decision

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Progress so far

I haven't been on here in awhile. I don't really like the new site, but I wanted to update my progress for my friends. Currently I weigh 171 pounds. That is a 140 pound loss so far. My goal is to be around 135 pounds. I am definitely fit and active. I want to be more fit and more active. I have new found muscle on my body. I do have a lot of extra skin. The smaller I get, the more noticeable it is. I will definitely have to have something done. The main thing that bothers me is my arm skin. At least my stomach I can hide it, but the arms it is like I can't hide it. I can't wear short sleeves and even if I wear long sleeves you can still see it. I'm not complaining...yet. I am ecstatic about my progress and how my body has changed. I recently went on a cleanse to get things moving again. Although I have lost inches, the scale has been at the same number for 3 months now. I gave in to all the hype and did this ever so popular 10 day cleanse and it broke my stall! I lost 12 pounds which feels AMAZING. I am going to do it again in a couple of weeks and see how much more I can lose. Good luck to everyone on your journey. Cheering you on.

March 15, 2014

4

Realizations

Well, I have come to a new realization recently. What is it? I used to love to cook, but now I don't even care for it. I haven't cooked in about 3 weeks! What have I been eating? Well, yogurt, protein shakes, protein bars, protein pudding, healthwise hot chocolate, and things I buy from the market or restaurants. Pretty much anything ready to go! It does provide me the nutrition I need, but I am pretty sure I can't get all the nutrition my body needs from such things. I have a disinterest in food. It has been this way for awhile now. I didn't realize that it was affecting other aspects of my life. I still get hungry. I still want to eat. My interest in eating something specific or when I think of something I want to eat...I just can't. I used to be able to pin point exactly what I was in the mood for before surgery. Now, I try to think about what I have a hankering for and NOTHING! I suppose this is a good thing. I have been eating out a lot for the last few months. I couldn't really understand why I was doing this because I didn't crave this food. I just drummed it up to being super busy and never being home to cook meals. I am always on the go and never home so it just made sense to me. It finally dawned on me that even when I am home I don't want to cook. I just needed a little down time to actually think about such things. I don't eat horrible. I get my protein, water, and calories in. I don't really eat any vegetables. Even when I do go out, I stay away from breads, pastas, etc and get something more protein based. I think I can do better though. That is my new goal to do better with this. I think I will drop faster if I eat more real food instead of the shakes, bars, and puddings. We shall see as I will be putting more effort into cooking actual food.

September 4, 2013

2

current progress photo

I wanted to FINALLY post a pic. The before picture is a couple days after surgery...probably about 300 pounds. In progress photo is my current picture (on my way to the gym) at 208. I am 5'6" My highest weight was 311 before surgery, but got down to 298 on my 1 week liquid diet for surgery day.

August 31, 2013

11

How I get in my gym time

It seems there is always an excuse not to go to the gym. I'm tired, I don't have clothes, I forgot my shoes, I have to cook dinner, I have to go to the store etc. I have been fairly successful at being consistent with my gym goings. I didn't plan all the things I do...I sort of just fell into it, but these are my tips for making sure the gym (exercise) is part of my day. 1. I practically live in gym clothes. I know it isn't feasible for everyone, but I can wear it to work. The gym I go to is across of my job. I live about a 20 minute drive from my job and gym. Every morning I wake up I put on my gym clothes that way I am ready! I sometimes go before work and sometimes after. 2. I plan my exercises for the morning time before I have anything going on. It leaves less excuses if I can do it and get it out of the way. I still have the "I'm tired" excuse, but I push through it. 3. My car is like a tank. I could survive in there! I have my workout shoes, extra pairs of socks, bottles of water, vitamins, protein bars, workout towels. I never "forget" anything because it is already stock piled in my car. 4. Goals! I am a very goal oriented individual. Each day I am at the gym I envision myself doing something faster, better, longer the next time I hit that machine.

August 20, 2013

1

Mishaps in the past 6 months

In 3 days I will reach my 6 month post op...well...24 weeks post op depending on how you calculate post op weeks...technically I guess my 6 month post op would be on July 30th. Well, you get the idea. I calculate by weeks and not actual months.It I wanted to take the time to talk about the "complications" I have had. These were my personal struggles. These issues were not serious, but I never talked about them and I figure it might help someone out there going through the same thing. My first issue was I had difficulty reaching above 600 calories in the first couple of months which slowed down my weight loss. I was never hungry and attribute a lot of that to the fact that I was barely getting any carbs. A high protein/low carb diet creates feelings of fullness because of ketosis. I eventually upped my calories by adding in a little bit more carbs and higher fat food like avocados. My second issue developed when I went on vacation a few months ago. So I guess I was about 4 months post op. I started to have this tightness in my chest everytime I ate something. It started as only a little pain with very dense foods. Over the course of a week it became worse. Anything I drank or ate caused a sharp pain in my chest and esophagus area. It felt as if something was getting stuck there. It was very painful. Even liquids started to hurt. This pain slowly over the course of the week moved from my chest area down to my intestinal area. I was away from home at the time and had a check in appointment with my surgeon the day I got back from my vacation so I didn't go to the er or urgent care...although the pain was bad enough where I thought about it. When I got home, the surgeon found absolutely nothing wrong with me. I would say it took about 2 weeks, but the pain did eventually go away. What I concluded by looking on the internet and what I was feeling was that I possibly had a twisted intestine. That is what it felt like to me...like it started off with maybe a dense food being stuck in my esophagus area which caused me to eat barely anything. Maybe because my intestine was so empty...it was easier to twist...It literally felt like there was a kink down there and when the food would try to pass it was painful...I could feel the exact moment it was moving through that painful area. I guess it does happen and it just has to work itself out. I don't know what caused it, but I do know that it did pass. My 3rd issue is diarrhea. It has only happened a couple of times so it took me awhile to realize what was causing it. It seems every time I eat/drink something easily digestable with a high sugar content such as a milk shake...it causes cramps, a general feeling of sickness, and almost immediate diarrhea. My conclusion is I think my digestion is working over time??? I have read some posts about other people going through the same thing. Some have had to have his or her gall bladder removed. I just think I will stay away from things such as milk shakes. I hope this helps someone out there. All in all, I have had a few things that weren't perfect, but nothing serious. It all worked itself out eventually.

July 21, 2013

6

Water Park Day

I just wanted to post about my experience last week. We decided to take my 2 year old daughter to the water park that is near my house. I have never been there because I have been extremely overweight for the past 4 years of my life. I always worried about climbing and things falling out and just being totally uncomfortable. Over the past 5 months I have lost 80 pounds and boy has it made a difference. I don't think it is just the weight loss, but my strength training as well. I lift weights 4x a week at a bare minimum and I really think that it has made a world of difference. I had it planned in my head that I could only make it for 3 hours because I would be tired and I ended up staying there for 6 hours!!! I had no problem with stairs, slides, swimming, climbing, and I even carried this massive tube up the mountain! All of this really hit me when I went down the lazy river. I hopped up on the tube and laid down in it and put my daughter on my belly. I didn't even give it a second thought...I just did it. As we started flowing down the river, I noticed this very large man behind me trying to climb in the tube like I did. Well, he tried over and over and over again. He didn't make it and eventually tried to stick his body in the donut hole part of the tube, but his body was too large. It made me sad that he was struggling. He eventually gave up and just walked the tube and himself down the river until the end. It was at that point that I realized that would have been me struggling, probably feeling embarrassed. I was very appreciative of my progress. I am very proud of my 80 pound loss! I even more proud of myself that I go to the gym 6 days a week and can do 90 minutes of straight intense cardio. I used to think to myself, "why is everyone losing faster? Why are those people who don't exercise losing faster than me? or those who are older or weigh less than me losing faster?" Now, I am truly at peace with my pace of loss. The scale does not reflect the muscle I have built. The scale does not show how much strength I have gained. The scale does not measure my progress. The scale is an instrument affected by so many factors! It is affected by the slant of the floor, my sodium intake, my time of month, inflammation, water intake, water loss, female hormones. I think it is funny that I depend on an instrument that is so unreliable.

June 25, 2013

5

Appreciating all the little ways my life has changed in the past 5 months

I will almost make 6 months post op, and I have a great many things to be thankful for. We all strive to hit numbers on the scale, but it is all the little accomplishments that really make a difference in how we feel and the way we move. I've compiled a list of all the things I have noticed since surgery that have changed for me. 1. My blood pressure has dropped 20 points (*note that I have never had high blood pressure) 2. I have dropped 2 shoe sizes 3. I started out doing 15 minutes of cardio and can now do 2 hours non-stop of medium to intense cardio 4. Foot pain is GONE 5. Knee pain is GONE 6. Back pain/sciatica is very rare 7. Migraines have subsided and only come about when I get a massage or have a lot of neck tension 8. I don't need an extension for the airplane 9. I am now considered a regular at the gym 10. I am able to look in the mirror more and for longer periods of time 11. I rarely need to take a nap in the middle of the day 12. I can work a 8 hour shift with no problem...used to work only 4 hours because my back and feet would be killing me 13. pants size went from 28/30 to 20 14. I am seeking out new active things to do instead of avoiding them 15. I don't have any bathroom problems: (this one is quite embarrassing), but I used to have a lot of issues...even wiping my ass where I would be in tears because I couldn't reach! I don't have any of these problems anymore 16. Sex is way better! Being on top is an option now and an enjoyment :0) 17. I get a compliment every day 18. My towels fit completely around me now 19. I am more social 20. I watch less tv 21. I need my husband's help less with everything 22. I am 14 pounds away from being the same weight as my husband!!! 23. I enjoy working out 24. I am comfortable with what and how I eat...I don't obsess anymore 25. I am now trying to motivate others 26. I am so busy living my life that it is hard to get on the computer and post blogs...I'm trying though

July 9, 2013

8

Strong woman

It's been a while since I have posted. I frequent the forums, but only read the ones that stand out. As of today my weight is 239 pounds. That is 72 pounds since I got sleeved. I can definitely feel my strength returning. I can lift, and carry things. I can go up and down the stairs without a problem. I can do an hour of cardio plus weight training and still go on with my daily routine without having to take a nap. I fell great! I think besides the occasional migraine from my neck tension all is well. I think it is time for me to get that much needed massage. I deserve it! I haven't been as strict with my eating habits as I was in the beginning...I do admit. I definitely still make an effort. Where I lack in effort is preparing my meals and eating every 2-3 hours. I think if I ate every 2-3 hours then my metabolism would speed up. I've upped my carbs to about 100...sometimes 150. It is not necessarily low carb, but I can feel my body needs it when I work out. My workouts are way more productive and I don't feel light headed when I get my calories, protein, and carbs in. I don't really eat bread. I tried it a few times, but I just didn't like how it made me feel and pretty much avoid it now. I love quinoa! It tastes great with some chicken. As far as my hair loss goes...I chopped my hair off. It was annoying me and now it is much less noticeable. It is still falling out, but not so aggressively as it was before. I am not too attached to my hair so it was no big deal to chop it all off. And it is summer so it is much cooler. Some nsv's I don't need a daily nap My feet shrank I can do lots of cardio I don't avoid stairs Last month I only lost 10 pounds...I went on vacation for 2 weeks and didn't work out or eat right. Hopefully I can lose 15 pounds this month

June 2, 2013

1

Nsv's, progress, stalls, and awareness

I haven't blogged for awhile because well...I've been more active and living my life more than I have in the past couple of years. First off I will start with my nsv's. My clothes are way too big now. I had to buy some newer clothes because they were starting to fall off. I also haven't taken a nap in the middle of the day for weeks now. I used to take a nap daily because I was so tired and worn out from just daily life. My weight loss has given me more energy where I can actually make it the full day without taking a nap. I went to the zoo today with my daughter and hubby and I made it around the entire zoo without having to sit down or leave. Before I had surgery, I would make it most of the way through the zoo, but I would be dead tired and my feet would be aching and I would literally have to lie down and take a nap. I have some personal triumphs to share. I have finally succeeded in mastering the no drinking/eating rule half hour before and after. I started setting a timer after my last bite. Only when the timer goes off do I start to drink again. This is huge for me because I was struggling. I also noticed (I've mentioned this before) that I eat less when I am not eating and drinking together. For some reason, the past week I have been even less hungry than I ever was. To give you a rundown, I started eating around 300 calories a day and then when I started exercising it jumped to 800-1000 calories a day. I was more hungry and eating more during this time. Lately, I can barely finish my protein shakes in the morning and I don't feel my hunger at all. My calories have dropped back down to about 500 calories. Does anyone have any ideas about why this is happening? My portions have been unusually small lately, and the only reason my calories have jumped is because I had a few "naughty" things in the past couple of days. I am almost 8 weeks post op...this coming wednesday I will be 8 weeks post op. I have hit quite a few stalls as some will call it...well on the scale anyways. I have taken measurements and I have lost inches. I have also went from a size 28 to 24w. I started at 298 (day of surgery) and today I am 270lbs. I have been working out at least 4 days a week, getting my water, and protein in. I have only had things I'm not supposed to twice since surgery. I am hoping that I actually gained muscle during my workouts because I have been lifting a lot. So I am not complaining just yet...I will wait until I see my fitness trainer and get my fat % measured. On another note...about the naughty foods I had. I had maybe about a tablespoon of frosting off of my daughter's frosting today (I feel really gross and wish I didn't eat it...actually regretting it now and I had some a few weeks back and said I would never eat it again...I thought it would be okay because everything else I eat doesn't make me feel yucky) and I immediately felt sick. I had homemade frosting about 4 weeks ago and I also felt really yucky afterwards. Do you think it is the high sugar or high fat that is making me feel crappy afterwards??? I don't eat naughty things often. I think I have had sugar 3 times since surgery. When I say 3 times...it was literally a spoonful of something sweet. Besides those three days my carbs are usually below 50grams. I like them lower, but my NUT does not agree and wants me to get less than 100g a day and wants me to add more fiber etc. I haven't had any fried food yet. Does anyone have recommendations for recipes if I do get a sweet tooth? I get them every so often and usually have the motivation to stay away. I am literally surrounded by it because I have to take care of my 3 year old. Any suggestions would be great!

March 24, 2013

4

Almost 16 weeks post op up date

In 5 days I will make 16 weeks post op. I had surgery on January 30, 2013. My weight loss has been an average of 15 pounds of month. My last 4 weeks I actually lost more than the previous 4 weeks. I'm pretty sure it had everything to do with upping my calories from 600 to 1000 and my exercise. Total loss as of today is 70 pounds!!! I was always worried I wasn't losing fast enough throughout this process, but in the past week I think I have come to terms with not being a super fast loser. I mean 70 pounds in approximately 4 months is pretty amazing to me. And as for the eating part it has been fairly effortless. My main struggle has been trying to get in more calories to sustain my intense workouts. Long term, if I only lost 10 pounds a month that is still 120 pounds in a year!!! My anxiety has definitely lifted regarding the scale. I always felt this pressure to lose fast and hard...I think it was because I was going on vacation to see some of my friends and family and I wanted to lose as much as I could before seeing them. Well, my vacation is over and so is the pressure. I feel quite content with my weight loss and my successes as well as failures. I made decent choices on my vacation, but was far from perfect and lost over 6 pounds while on my vacation. It was so hard for me to not have access to a scale during that time and was pleasantly surprised when I came home and the scale had gone down! I finally have FAITH in my sleeve. I feel if I make good choices that the weight will come off. This is a good feeling for me to have. Everything seems so much clearer. I don't feel the stress of it all. I have faith in myself and my sleeve. Most importantly, I finally feel my life changing for the better and for the long term. WHAT I NEED TO DO MOVING FORWARD I have to readjust my goals and rewards because the more I lose the more they change. I also have to get back to the gym. I haven't gone since a couple days before my vacation...so that is almost 2 weeks. I also need to get back on track with my eating habits. Eating clean, healthy, and meeting my protein and caloric needs every day. For those of you out there worried about losing slowly...don't! I know it is easier said than done, but in 4 months and you are 50, 60, 70 pounds down or more it is success and you should be excited and proud of yourself.

May 17, 2013

2

10 week post op appointments

So I had 4 appointments yesterday...3 revolving around my sleeve and the other one was my dentist. My appointments were with my nutritionist, fitness trainer (part of my weight loss program), and my sleep specialist. Good news is I weighed in at 257 pounds! I don't have any complications and it seems I might be able to stop taking my nexium. Bad news is my premier protein shakes that I have had to drink twice a day have been staining my teeth! Ugh. So I guess I am going to have to switch from my chocolate version to a lighter color when I'm done with the 3 boxes I just bought from costco. My nutritionist appointment went fairly well. She doesn't have any real concerns. I learned that I have, once again, not been getting enough calories in. I average around 600 calories a day. According to her, others at this stage are already up to 1000 calories. I was concerned and asked her if this is going to affect my metabolism because it has been 3 months, basically, since my body has been in a severe calorie deficit. She recommended that I try real hard to get my calories close to 1000, but no more than 1200 so I don't hit stalls etc. I think if I could manage to eat that many calories, then I would lose weight more consistently and hit less stalls. My other appointment with my fitness trainer went well. She was impressed and very supportive about all the steps I am taking to be more active. I expressed a little disappointment with how "slow" my weight loss has been considering all the effort I put in and the first thing she asked me was, "are you getting enough calories?" So, right now, my calories are my main focus. I don't think I am a slow loser, but I think the weight should be coming off quicker considering my age, bmi, and activity level. I have always, in the past, lost weight fairly quickly so I feel something is just a little bit off. I am putting every effort into eating more calories. This is a daily struggle for me. I feel the only time I can manage upwards of 800 calories is if I eat slider foods, fried foods, or high sugar foods...all of which I want to try and avoid. I am still figuring all this out and am extremely frustrated!!! I never would have thought that I would be frustrated because I am having difficulty getting enough food!!! I want to do everything I can to keep the weight coming off at a consistent pace with no stalls. The only issue right now is that I am not eating enough calories to support my intense workouts. Yesterday, I tried real hard. I basically ate from the time I woke up until I went to bed. As soon as I could eat something...I did. I even let my husband take me to Ruby Tuesday's thinking this could help up my calories. At the end of the day, I did reach 1200 calories, but I felt crappy and overly full. I actually felt extremely tired like I was going to pass out...I think from eating too much. I don't like how I felt yesterday! Today, I wasn't hungry ALL DAY. I drank most of my meals. So I am sort of at a loss. If I stuff myself just to get my calories in, but am not hungry the whole next day, then what? All in all, I don't want to stuff myself. I want to just eat normally when I'm hungry. I guess I just need to find higher calorie foods or make them. I am extremely dedicated in upping my calories because I truly feel that my weight loss will be better and more consistent. Oh and I am definitely losing some hair. No one can tell, but me because I have soooo much hair! My brush has extra hair in it, my rubberbands, and the hair catcher has extra hair. I hope it doesn't get too bad, but it was still worth getting my sleeve.

April 13, 2013

14

just a rant about the forums

First off, I don't believe in being coddled. I understand people post on forums because they are looking for moral support or advice, but sometimes they expect too much. What I mean to say is if someone posts on a forum, then they need to expect to be supported even if it means being challenged! I can understand if the person posting is doing everything right to a tee and still not losing weight or hitting stalls, then yes they do need complete moral support because they are not in control. It might be metabolic, hormonal, genetic etc. The people I am talking about are those that don't get enough protein in, eat too many carbs, don't exercise enough and then complain on the forums. I see it quite a bit actually and usually just refrain from answering. In general, the same people posting and whining, are the same ones that get offended when others offer constructive criticism on why his or her weight loss has stalled or is slow. Being coddled will get you know where. If you really are in this to lose weight, then you should be willing to listen to the things you "might" not be doing right. We all know everyone is different, but when it comes to weight loss there is a general trend that works BETTER than other ways. Of course, there is a respectful way of disagreeing. I don't agree with the name calling, or yelling, or the "i did it this way and I lost this much weight". In a recent forum, I witnessed someone trying to tell the original poster that they didn't think what they were doing was working for them and offered advice. He wasn't disrespectful in any way. It just sounded like he disagreed. Well, the original poster got upset and then it all went downhill. It kind of got out of hand and everyone started chiming in. It was like the original poster just wanted to hear things that supported her, and nothing else. I think people just need to understand that sometimes being challenged and having someone disagree with you is in support. Would you want to go to the doctor and have them tell you there is nothing wrong with you just to make you feel better? Wouldn't you want the doctor to help figure out what is wrong with you and what you can do to get better? Granted, most of us are not doctors, but you get what I am saying? Having a vertical sleeve is a very personal experience. Some people get it and lose weight effortlessly. Others have to work harder and try everything possible to lose weight at a faster rate. If you have a question or a concern and post it on a forum, then you must be willing to get responses both agreeing and disagreeing, but all supportive. If you are looking for people who will simply shake his or her head "yes" to everything you say, then make a friend and send private messages. You can live happily in your bubble of only hearing what you want. *Note: I am not a "yes" woman. I am going to tell you what I did and what I helped and give you suggestions in a nice way. If I think you are doing something that isn't healthy or could stall your weight loss, then I am going to let you know because I would rather truly help you than watch you struggle and whine and complain. This is the type of friend I am and those are the type of friends I want.

April 7, 2013

5

New exercise regime is making me HUNGRY!

I joined the gym on monday and have been going consistently since then. It has made me extremely tired and I have finally felt my hunger again. It has definitely been a difficult past few days. I'm tired, hungry, and I think I am dehydrated. I still have some things to work on as far as eating goes. I go too long without eating and let myself get famished. By the time I eat, I am so hungry that I kind of want to just stuff my face. Of course I can't, so what I end up doing is taking a huge bite (and then I remember and get afraid) and slowly chew and every once in awhile I will swallow. I have to work on eating every 2-3 hours. I know it isn't an excuse, but sometimes I get so busy that I don't get a chance to. The other thing I am failing on is giving my body enough water. I get my recommended dose, but I don't think it is enough. I still feel thirsty. I haven't really been carrying around a water bottle all day which is what I think I need to do. Oh and I definitely still need to work on my half hour before and after no drinking rule. I am getting better, but it is sooooo hard. Well, back to the hunger. I keep feeling hungry and not quite satisfied. Except today (because I ate some chicken at chili's) I have been averaging about 600 calories...so I haven't necessarily been eating more food. I really think it is the cardio and weight lifting that is making me feel like I need more food because my belly feels full, but just doesn't feel like it is enough. I am going to put more effort into drinking water ALL day long instead of what is convenient. I am hoping this puts a dent in things.

March 10, 2013

2

1 month check up with my surgeon...answered questions

This afternoon I had my one month check up with Dr. Fowler, although technically it is almost 5 weeks. According to his scale, I weighed in at 278. I weighed myself this morning and was 276 on my scale at home (which is a 1 lb difference from his...I already figured that out). So within a few hours I gained a couple pounds, but I'm not worried about it. I had done a lot of cardio and drank a lot before my afternoon appointment. I think I will stick to morning appointments from now on though because I don't like to see the number go up in a few hours ...no matter what the reason is. I was able to ask him some questions that I have been wondering. First, I had a 38 bougie used on my tummy. He said he always uses this size. He used to use anywhere between a 28 and 60, but over the years they have found that a 38 has had the least amount of complications. I was worried this was big and did some research on the net as to what the difference is between a 32 and a 38. Well, it is miniscule. Anyone who is worried that a 38 is too big has nothing to worry about. It is literally the diameter of a pen and a 32? Well just a smaller pen. Compared to the size of the stomach before it is a huge difference! I'm not worried anymore now that I understand how miniscule the differences are. I was also able to ask him about my calorie intake. It has been bothering me for some time that I am rarely hungry and get in about 300 to 600 calories daily. There are others who can eat twice as much as that and had surgery the same week. I was worried that I wasn't getting enough nutrition and that it might stall my weight loss. He basically told me not to worry about my calories. He said I wasn't losing weight super fast so it isn't even an issue. He just told me as long as I am getting my protein, water, and vitamins in that it basically doesn't matter. As to why I am rarely hungry, he said that was a sign that my body is still in ketosis. Yay! I feel so much better. I will not be forcing myself to get in more calories than my body wants anymore. I am just going to listen to my body. One more thing I have to work on is not eating until I am full. I want to learn how to eat until I am satisfied which requires me eating super slow. I still haven't mastered that one yet! But that is my goal as far as eating goes. I joined the gym today! Yep, I finally got down to it. I have had a gym membership pretty much my whole entire life except for the past two years. I canceled it because I just wasn't using it. Well, I joined. I actually sat in the car for a good half an hour just staring at the gym. I had a little anxiety about walking in there. Is everyone going to look at me? Are they going to be rude to me? Well I got over it. I just said in my mind I need to do this for me. I got signed up and did my 60 minutes of cardio. For me, it is so much easier working out in a gym setting. I hate working out at home. I love being able to focus on no one, but myself. I love blasting my music and tuning the whole world out. It is my peace and quiet time. I think that is why I used to love going to the gym before. It is almost like meditation for me. It was exciting and I am not even tired. So all in all, today was a good day. No, it was a great day! I am so looking forward to my weight loss with my tool and my newly added gym membership.

March 5, 2013

3

slimy piece of #$@%

I had my first experience with getting the slimes a few days ago. I had eaten a little too much in hopes of trying to get a little more calories and protein in for the day. I wasn't all that hungry. In fact, I'm never really all that hungry. I find I am less hungry at 4 weeks post op than I was at 2. It is probably because I am eating denser food which takes time to digest, but it is a weird feeling. I go basicaly the whole day without really feeling hungry. Yesterday, it took me 5 hours to nurse down my protein shake! Some days are better than others. Most mornings I can just drink the whole thing down in like half an hour. Well, I vowed that I would never eat too much again because the slimes is not an experience I wanted to have again. Fast forward a few days AND I GOT THEM AGAIN!!! This time it was because I think I ate too fast. I was eating some slivers of pecorino romano. Everything felt fine. I didn't feel anything stuck in my throat, my belly didn't feel full at all. I thought it was the easiest thing do go down I've tried so far. Maybe that was the problem...it was too easy going down. Sure enough, maybe 20 minutes later my mouth started salivating and I started "dry heaving" so I ran to the bathroom. I stayed there for awhile while I "almost" puked. Just to put it in perspective, I've always had a problem with puking...meaning my body doesn't like to give it up. Even in my college days, when I used to party all the time I could never puke. I would get sick and dry heave, but never puke! I want to puke because I know it will feel better after I do, but it just never works out that way. So I always get the dry heaves without the vomit...and it is extremely annoying. I think I've puked twice in the past 20 years. One of those times was when I had extreme food poisoning. After about 20 minutes of being in the bathroom, I felt a little better. I went back to my room and sat on the bed. And then burp! And after that burp I felt sooo much better. I vowed I would never slime again, but I realized I don't have this all figured out yet. I've been eating healthy, getting my protein and water in etc. The cheese I ate was pretty healthy, but maybe it was too dense for this belly. I haven't had any problems with any of the food that I have eaten thus far. My taste buds haven't changed. The same food that I ate before still looks delicious to me. I think the difference is I don't have that hunger to push me over the edge where I reach for it and put it in my mouth. I kind of just walk past it and say, "that looks yummy." I'm struggling to get in 600 calories a day and 80 grams of protein so I am not at all tempted to eat something that isn't going to fuel my weight loss. So what I've learned? 1. Even if a food goes down easily I should still eat slooooowwwwwwwww. 2. I don't have everything figured out yet. I'm probably going to make a few more mistakes 3. Don't force myself to eat more if I'm not hungry...even if my calories have to suffer for a day (I'd rather listen to my body) 4. I haven't tried every food yet...there might be something my tummy doesn't like despite the good luck I've had thus far 5. I HATE SLIMING. IT'S NASTY! 6. I have to find my own way. I can always seek advice and see other people's stats and what worked for them, but each person is different and I have to find what works for me. “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.” ― Heraclitus “Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you. You must travel it by yourself. It is not far. It is within reach. Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know. Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land.” ― Walt Whitman

March 3, 2013

3

Exactly 4 weeks post op today (tonight)

So today is my exact 4 week post op sleeve day! After losing weight and then hitting an almost two week stall...I have lost 19 pounds total during these 4 weeks. I'm pretty happy about that! It took me awhile to figure some things out, but I did and I think I know what to do now and how to break those stalls. What works for me? 1. Getting at least 60grams of protein a day 2. 500-700 calories/day on average...I don't worry if one day is lower and the next day is higher 3. Staying away from pureed/soups etc. I can eat more of those kinds of things without feeling full...which equals more calories etc. 4. First meal of the day??? A premier protein shake WITH a scoop of nectar in there. I want to get my protein up...right when I get up so it is less for me to worry about. It also fills me up. By the end of the day I am usually too tired to eat...and I also don't want to eat right before bed because of reflux 5. Working out 4 days a week for about an hour (cardio). This has been dropping my weight just fine. I will eventually join a gym and start weight training. 6. Using my fitbit to track steps. What I still need to work on? 1. Some days I eat too much sodium...usually when I'm tired and don't want to cook anything. 2. Sometimes I wait to long between meals and I get sooo hungry that I put too big a spoonful in my mouth...now granted I don't swallow because I'm afraid of that tight feeling in my chest...I just kind of catch myself...and say...stop...and I chew it and slowly swallow. I need to stop doing that! 3. I've been getting really tired which I hear is normal, but I do want to up my cardio and start weight training 4. Adding more variety to my diet

February 27, 2013

1

First restaurant experience

So I decided today that I would give in to my hubby's complaining. We went to Ihop for breakfast with my 2 year old daughter. I knew how much I could eat so I was trying real hard to think of a way of ordering that would save us money and not waste a lot of food. I am 3.5 weeks post op and on soft foods. I knew I wanted an omelette, but the price was $15.99 for an omelet AND it came with all this other stuff like pancakes and hash browns. So I asked the waitress if I could get it without all that stuff (meaning...like as a side order) and she said yes. Well...fast forward 30 minutes and the bill comes and I still was charged the $15.99!!! She said there was no other way to ring it up. Ugh...that was sort of what I was asking! I know I wasn't very clear on that, but I figured it was common sense that of course I could order something and tell them to hold them, but pay the same price. Anyways, lesson learned. I ate about an eighth of my omelet (which was yummy) and told the waitress (at the end of my meal) that since I had to pay for it, then I would just take it to go. I took them to my mom so she could enjoy the pancakes. So I don't really know if I will be eating out again anytime soon. It was a huge waste of money and food. I will be eating that omelet for the next few days. On a happier note, my daughter was ecstatic about her pancakes and her sausage which made this mama happy.

February 23, 2013

12

NSV'S

So my pound loss hasn't been that speedy as I've mentioned in my other posts, but I still have much to be grateful for. My pants are much looser...which feels good. I have more energy, and I am able to do more cardio in a day. I've also noticed that my belly is finally smaller than my boobs!!! I haven't seen this happen in almost 3 years! Today I took my measurements in hopes of having a comparison for the future during my weight loss stalls. I am still excited about my new journey and I am still happy about my decision.

February 19, 2013

4

Freaking Frustrated

So, as the title suggests, I am totally freaking frustrated!!! I am almost 3 weeks post op. The first week went well...I lost 10 pounds. Then I hit a stall for about a week and then a couple of days ago the scale started moving down again. I was feeling happy that I had ended my first stall and then bam I gained 2 pounds! I mean I am doing everything that I am supposed to. I use myfitnesspal religiously. I use my fit bit. I have been exercising more now than in the past year. I eat right and drink right. Intellectually, I understand what happens when we stall or gain weight for that matter when our bodies are in the process of losing weight. I've read many articles about converting glycogen, how I might be losing size and not weight, how getting smaller doesn't translate into the scale moving downward. Intellectually and logically I understand and I get it, but emotionally it is too much. So since my life is about moderation and restriction now...I've decided to put the scale away and only weight once a week on Thursday mornings. I found an old tape measure and will also begin taking my measurements. Oh how I wish I took my measurements before hand...it might have saved me some heart ache. Well that was in the past and now....MOVING ON. I am still on my pureed stage which is going perfectly well. Yesterday was a good day. I actually got 600 calories in, which is amazing for me! I do think I need to get more calories and carbs in everyday. It seems kind of low. ON A SPECIAL NOTE. I URGE ANYONE THAT IS PRE-OP OR JUST BEGINNING TO TAKE BEFORE PICTURES. I KNOW IT IS DIFFICULT TO SEE YOURSELF ON A PHOTO, BUT DO IT!!! ALSO, TAKE YOUR MEASUREMENTS SO WHEN YOU HIT THOSE STALLS YOU CAN AT LEAST GET SOME PEACE OF MIND BY MEASURING YOURSELF. I TOOK BEFORE PHOTOS (WHICH I HAVEN'T POSTED YET BECAUSE I WANT A COMPARISON PHOTO), BUT I SOOOOOO WISH I HAD TAKEN MY MEASUREMENTS. IT WILL BE HARD TO FACE THOSE NUMBERS, BUT WHEN YOU ARE LOSING YOU WILL BE SOOOOO HAPPY YOU DID.

February 17, 2013

9

I haven't seen these numbers in a year!

So I am down to 289 lbs!!! I haven't been this weight since a year ago! I can't believe in the past 3 weeks I went from 311 to 289! That is crazy! I am very happy already that I have gone through with this. I have my one week appointment tomorrow and shall see what the doctor says! I haven't even really been exercising. I have been going walking once a day, but that is more for the gas pains. I still get very exhausted doing things even just my household chores. All in all, I am very happy with my progress. Those thoughts of "what the hell did I do to myself" the first days of surgery are loooooonnngg gone.

February 6, 2013

4

First stall and purees

Well, I have hit my first "stall". It has been approximately 5 days since the scale has budged. Yes, yes, I know...don't look at the scale. I keep trying to remember that stalls happen and that I'm probably still losing in size, but it is still depressing to see the same number on the scale every day. I try to logic it out in my head. Like...I'm only eating less than 400 calories a day...there is NO WAY that I can't be getting smaller. I've also read a few good threads on here about what happens physically in your body when you are losing weight. So I understand that I'm probably still losing inches, but I want to see the numbers! I wish I would have taken my measurements prior to surgery. I guess never too late to start. Today was my first day with pureed food! I have been looking forward to this for about a week now. Liquid diets make you soooo sick of liquid diets. I pureed some beef stew with some greek yogurt and that was pretty tasty. I also pureed some chicken in the can with some greek yogurt and some fresh cracked pepper. It looked absolutely disgusting, but tasted yummy. So I am excited about this new stage of food because it actually tastes like food. I was getting pretty sick of all the sweet tasting liquids that I was required to drink. I just keep trying to remind myself that pureed food is the same as eating regular food except my body doesn't have to work as hard. Thinking this way helps me get down the gross looking "meals". I'm still not totally pain free. I still have some pain on the left side of my abdomen. I did call the nurse today just to make sure because everyone else seems to be pain free at this stage. I am confident nothing is wrong. I think it has to do with how many incisions I had and maybe the layers he went through. I really wish it would go away though because I want to up my exercise routine. I am kind of sick of just walking.

February 13, 2013

3

01/30/2013 was my BIG day!

Aloha everyone, I am currently approximately 36 hours post op. My surgery was schedule for 2:45pm (Hawaii time) on Wednesday, January 30th, 2013. My husband and I arrived at Castle Hospital at 1pm, but was told things were running behind and the lady scheduled before me hadn't even gone in yet. It was a little after 4pm that I was finally rolled in. As far as I can tell, I was in surgery until about 630pm. As soon as I got to the hospital, the nurse had me check in, get undressed and lay down on one of the beds. Then I met the anesthesiologist. As I was waiting, they asked me a bunch of questions and started my iv. My iv had to be done in my wrist...I am always a tricky one when it comes to my veins. I don't really know if I was just tired, but a few hours with the iv I felt kind of silly to put it is the only way I can think of it. I was pretty excited going in there and my husband was a nervous wreck. That was not a surprise though. I tend to be the positive one and he is the negative nancy, although he says he is "realistic". I had no anxiety at all while I was waiting. My husband was allowed to wait with me and we just did crossword puzzles or read magazines or played with our phones. I remember waking up and hearing, "you did really well. The dr. is very happy with how things went." I did no feel very well. It was very foggy. I didn't really know what was going on. I am not sure what time I woke up or was rolled to my room or anything like that. I remember waking up and feeling pain. It was all in my belly area. Maybe I am not used to pain in my abdominal area, but it hurt for me. It feels like when you have a bruise, but much worse. They kept giving me morphine. I was allowed to have it every hour if I wanted it, but I kept falling asleep so I would say I got it every 4 hours. My head was foggy still afterwards. Actually, now that I think about it my head is still a little foggy. I'm a little forgetful right now. I never changed out of my hospital gown...so I don't even know why I packed a bag. Honestly, all you need is chapstick and maybe music. I brought my preggo pillow which I definitely used. I also found it helpful to sit up. I didn't want to lay down. I think it was helping with the gas in my body. I had gas, but it felt like it was mostly in my belly. I had no shoulder pain like others have reported. Even when I got home, I wanted to be propped up. Last night, I actually put pillows under my belly and slept on my stomach!!! I haven't slept on my stomach in 5+ years. The pressure seemed to make me feel better. Today I finally farted!!! I know that is silly, but I wanted to fart so bad, but couldn't. I was so jealous of my husband who just kept letting it rip! I haven't had a bowel movement yet. I would definitely say the first 3 days are the hardest. I was considered to be in the "doing extremely well" category so I don't know how people do it when they have complications. Waking up from surgery definitely sucks. I kept thinking, "what the hell did I do to myself". Those thoughts are short lived because not even 4 days later it is bearable and I am excited to make progress. I can tell you that the first couple of days I mostly slept. The tiredness would just hit me out of nowhere. It was extremely hard to get in my liquids...I think mostly because I was sleeping. Even when I was up it was hard work. It is hard work to drink that 4 oz. every hour. You have to work at it. They wanted me to be on clear liquids the first 2 post op days and get in between 48 and 64 oz and 80grams of protein. They did tell me not to worry too much if I couldn't because I would still have lots of fluids in me from the Iv. I am pretty determined to make my goals because I want to do this right, but it seems my whole day is consumed with trying to get my liquids in. Today I have drank a whole 24 oz and reached 40grams of protein, and that was damn hard. I did take a multi-vitamin today with no problems. I've been lucky with the nausea, but I play it on the safe side. I do not push anything and take very small sips. I do not want to vomit! I pretty much hate vomiting. The fullness feeling everyone talks about...I'm still trying to figure it out. When I drink it feels a little like I have to burp and then I burp. These are what they require me to do post op for a week or longer: 1. Take nexium once a day 2. Use my spirometer 3. Go walking 4. Drink 80 grams of protein 5. Drink at least 64 oz of liquid 6. take my multi-vitamin 3x daily Oh and lastly...what I do not like the most is the strange body odors. It is pretty wretched. As soon as I could take a shower, I was in there washing it off. Well, it does return.

February 3, 2013

6

Pre op weight loss

So I am on the 6th day of my 7 day pre-op liquid diet. I did one week of no carbs (basically the induction phase of the south beach diet) before I started this liquid diet to ease myself into things. I lost 5 lbs on the week of no carbs and so far 7 lbs on this liquid diet. I started at 311 and I wanted to be under 300lbs by the time I went in for surgery! My first goal achieved!!! The liquid diet isn't so bad. I mean besides having dreams of forgetting I'm on a liquid diet and stuffing my face. One night I even had a dream that I smoked some weed and just started binge eating. Thank goodness these things were only in a dream. I haven't cheated once and am almost done. I just kept thinking, "If I can't do this for a week, then how do I expect to do this for the rest of my life." Somehow I found enough motivation to stick with it. Now, I'm just swimming along. "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming." And soon it will be my time to take the fall...Wednesday October 30th, 2013 is the day my life will change forever.

January 28, 2013

4

Liquid Diet

Liquid Diet starts today!!! Totally Nervous. I'm just happy that I do really love the premier protein shakes. I'm going to have to keep myself busy. That is all. I just needed to vent.

January 23, 2013

2

Pre-op liquid diet

I have one and a half days until I start my liquid diet. My surgeon only requires it for one week...Thank buddha or some other deity type that could be thanked. This is my 6th day no carbs and I'm feeling good. I did this to myself. I was afraid I would get migraines when I started my liquid diet so I put myself on a week of no carbs so at least I could take my medication if I needed to. This way when I hit the liquid diet phase I won't be absolutely miserable because i won't have those migraines that set in about three days into a low carb diet. I've lost 5 pounds on the low carb phase. I know it is water weight, but still weight. I'm curious to see what one week of liquids only will do to me. Time is going really slowwwwwwww now that I am so close to my surgery date. I want it done already. It is just like the last few months of being pregnant when you are just so sick of being pregnant. Same deal! Well, I'm hanging in there and that is all I can do.

January 21, 2013

4

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