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I'm On My Way...

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These are my Tears..

With less than 24 hours away from the big surgery, I find myself enthralled in all sorts of emotions. One moment I'm excited. The next I'm a little worried. The next I'm axious to get this over with.. And the next I'm flat out afraid. I've been up since 3am this morning. I just can't sleep.My mind is moving just too fast. I've been going back and forth to some major events in my life and trying to figure out what led me here.. Then 2 events pop in mind..   One when I was about 19 and was having an argument with one of my ex boyfriend's friends. He made a pass at me and I told my boyfriend at the time who addressed him about it. He was so upset with me he yelled "that's why your're a cheeseburger away from obese". I was soooo offended, like could he really have said that to me.. But then again, he was right. I had no come back.   Then lastly I remember having an argument with an ex friend of mine at about 21 and boy was it a bad one. Not wanting to be defeated like I had in the previous argument, I was guns loaded. In a tit for tat I blurted out "that's why your ugly and you look like a gorilla". Not one of my proudest moments I'll admit. Very childish.. She responds "that's why your fat". Ouch! Another dagger to the heart about my weight. I replied "well I can fix my problem. But you sure can't fix ugly. All the surgery in the world won't help that face!"... Feeling like I had won that argument, my ego said otherwise and I was deeply saddened.   What these two events made me realize is that the person I saw, was what the rest of the world was beginning to see. Someone who was moving fast towards a serious weight problem. My grandmother passed away on December 26, 2003 in her sleep for no apparent reason. She cooked Christmas dinner, played games with us all.. then never woke back up. The doctor's ruled it as congestive heart failure because it was the last pre-existing condition she had. But what I failed to mention was that she was just over 500 pounds and battled with sleep apnea. She use to snore really bad. When I would spend the night with her, the only way I knew she was breathing was when I heard that snoring.. But sometimes there would be long pauses in those snores and she'd begin gasping for breath. The morning of her death I arose to greet her good morning and while combing my hair in her vanity right next to her bed... I noticed, she hadn't been snoring. Then I looked at her arm and it was just hanging off the bed. I knew she had stopped breathing. I honestly believe she suffocated in her sleep and had she been 200-300 pounds lighter, I'd still have her to this very day. She died at only 52.   Obesity is a genetic disadvantage in my family and I finally have an opportunity to overcome that. To live life the way it's supposed to be lived. This is something I can't pass on doing. I've prayed to God without ceasing about what I can do to get this weight off and in I stumble across a procedure I didn't even know existed. Literally walked in the clinic to inquire about a lap band and will be walking out tomorrow with a sleeve. God carved a perfectly laid path for me tomorrow. I had no hickups along the way, and have paid nothing out of pocket. Because I have really good health insurance, whatever they cover is all my surgeon says he will be receiving. It can't get any better than that. Aside for paying co pay on my perscriptions, I consider this a free procedure to help me get my life back. This is a gift from God! I am a living witness that if you remain in him and his words remain in you, you can ask for whatever you wish and it will be given unto you (John 15:7). I didn't know how he was gonna do it I just had faith and he did it! I cry as I write this moment because I will never see life through the same set of eyes again. My limits to a happy fulfilled life have just become endless. These are my tears... OF JOY!
princesstia

princesstia

2
 

The Nerves are Kicking In

So I am only 4 days away from the biggest event in my whole 24 years of living and I am freaking out. I know this is normal I know this is normal, but I am so nervous at this point. I just don't want anything to go wrong. Finals are done, vacation is set to begin this Wednesday so I shouldn't have anything pressing. Liquid diet is getting on my nerves, but hey, it's just one of those things that you gotta do. So I'm a little irritated with that but I'm doing it. I'm down about 5 pounds from my starting weight so the scales didn't let me down at all. But I'm definitely getting rid of the scale as soon as surgery hits. I will not step on that thing until my post op appointments. I just don't want to overwhelm myself with trying to eat right and watch the scale drop pound by pound. I'll be ok I'm sure. Just panic. WOOOOOOSA! I'm ready.
princesstia

princesstia

2
 

The Journey Has Begun

I'm new to VST, but definitely am ready to share this amazing experience. I decided to have the sleeve in September of 2012. I've gone through 3 months of nutrition, psych evaluation, and an endoscopy. My surgery was approved this past Monday and my surgery date is set for December 20th. Boy I'm nervous. Needed a few forums for some extra motivating support (VST did not let me down!)... I'm from Carson, CA and my surgeon is in Beverly Hills, Dr. Feiz to be exact. It was a smooth, but confusing process. Finally got after 2nd review because AETNA said, even though my BMI is over 40, the photos don't appear to make me look like surgery is needed.. What?? Are you serious right now? Anywho, the small battle is over. The real war starts Dec 20th. Looking forward to my new relationship with VST and I pray this journey is one of peace, fulfillment, and most of all enjoyment!   xTia
princesstia

princesstia

3
 

Stressed about all the wrong things...

I decided to do the surgery definitely to get down to a healthy BMI.. But in my mind I have this idea of some fit person crossfit training and so on and so forth. Then reality hits, I may not get the luxury of the weight loss I'm looking for.. I'm doing tons and tons of research on bodybuilding and 5x5 stronglifts (I really want abs) but in reality, is all of that even possible? Will I have the energy needed to guide my weight loss in the muscle building direction? Stressed because I don't want to be a skinny fat person. You know, weighs only 150 pounds but has like 35% body fat.. just flubbery. SMH. See, worrying about the wrong things. I have to continue to remind myself, just one day at a time. That's all. Set small goals and do the best you can to reach them.. I hope I'm not the only person stressing about this...
princesstia

princesstia

3
 

Pre-Op Begins today.. :(

Kind of a sucky day for me because I was told by my surgeon that the pre-op diet was to begin 1 week prior to surgery.. Get a call yesterday evening, and of course they made a mistake, and it's 2 weeks prior. Needless to say, I had to officially begin this morning on liquids. I wasn't even mentally prepared for this. I had made plans to go have my "last meals" this weekend, as I love pizza and Olive Garden and knew they would probably never taste the same again. They also restricted tea and coffee, but as I arrived to work this morning, I could smell the Keurig brewing and I just couldn't resist. Yes I had a cup of coffee .. Already off to a bad start. I ended up going to buy a 1.5 liter of water so that I can drink to the point of fullness so as to ward off the hunger pains today.. gonna be a long 13 days ahead of me... Sucks
princesstia

princesstia

12
 

On The Plus Side :)

Things are getting to crunch time and I have some major issues that have definitely been relived. First and foremost, I was afraid to have a drainage tube and catheter. I was able to ask my surgeon about this directly and he assured me I won't have either. He went on to explain that usually the tubes are for patients with much higher BMIs for safety reasons. Thank goodness. I am now at the home stretch. I know I am going to be kicking screaming on my way in there but dammit I'm going in there in less than 48 hours and I'm coming out a new woman. Pray for me everyone!
princesstia

princesstia

3
 

4 weeks post op today... :(

Well unfortunately I'm writing today's blog with such an attitude. At 4 weeks out, I still can't even keep liquids down comfortably. I hate it! I was so stressed out and tired last night that I just got on my knees and prayed. I'm tired of crying, tired of the thirst (not hunger, but thirst!)... I'm sure when I get to my post op appointment I will be put on an IV for dehydration because I've taken in less than 20oz each day over the last week. I feel so unhealthy and can't even complain because I elected this. I'm sure this is PMS or one of those emotional stages we all go through.. But I definitely don't like it! On the other hand, I'm down 30 pounds. Here are my stats:   HW: 256 SW: 247 Day I left surgery: 258 CW: 226   Not too bad considering all of my clothes are sagging but my body feels really jiggly so I know I have to get in the gym and do sme weight lifting but I vowed to not do anything until I can keep down a set number of calories... Keep me in your prayers for I know better days are just ahead!!!
princesstia

princesstia

4
 

3 Weeks Post Op today :)

This has been one hell of a ride. I've been both excited and depressed just the same. I am here to tell you weeks 2 and 3 are literally the hardest. At this point your tired of liquids, see a few stalls, and have all these thoughts that maybe, just maybe, this surgery isn't gonna work for you. And I'm telling you, I have felt all these things. On the plus side I did weigh in this morning and hit my one month post op goal 10days early!!! Yay for me!... Here are my stats:   Starting weight: 256lbs Day of Surgery: 247lbs Day I left from Hospital: 258lbs 3 weeks post op: 230.2lbs   I honestly didn't plan on seeing that weight until one month post op.. But 26 pounds down in the first 3 weeks with a stall in between.. I won't complain. Hope everyone is doing well as they recover, and for those considering the surgery: do your research! Know what to expect, and come to a point in your journey where you are ready for the rollercoaster because it is one hell of a ride!!!!!     Tia
princesstia

princesstia

6
 

2 weeks post op

Excited but a little exhausted at the same time!!! Had surgery on December 20th and the first week was smooth sailing. Wasnt until about 12 days post op did I realize I had not had a bowel movement. I was in an all out panic and my surgeon was too. He ended up having me take some Miralax and Colace and this morning had my firt BM since surgery.. Glad that's over with! Stepped on the scale last night and was 235.6lbs!! Not much of a loss like in the first week, but I'll take every single pound.   Starting Weight: 256 Day of Surgery: 247 Day Left Surgery: 258 1 Week Post Op: 241 2 Weeks Post Op: 235 total loss thus far: 21 pounds   Not bad. Won't complain. But I think in this week I will begin taking my vitamins (and boy there are a lot!) and doing some cardio at the gym. So blessed to have gone through this process with little to no complications and even more blessed that I am on my way to a healthy new me! Happy losing all!
princesstia

princesstia

3
 

10 days post op... Mixed emotions

Now I said when I started this whole journey that I would be completely honest with myself about life before and after the sleeve. Half of me is like yes!!! I did it! I'm On my way to a new life. The other half is like Tia wtf did you just do. Juice and sipping and vitamins forever? Was it that serious? I'm definitely having mixed emotions about this procedure at this point in m journey.   I'm 10 days post op an have lost 20 pounds (22 pounds if you wanna count the day I left surgery at 2 pounds heavier than my starting weight)... Unfortunately I feel this is due to the fact that I haven't even gotten 10oz of liquid in a day since surgery and no protein. Everything I want my stomachs says no and spits it out. From broth to protein to Gatorade. I have this foamy spit that comes up by the loads. Looks like little gas bubbles in it and I'm not sure if this is my body's way of releasing gas or my body's way of saying nothing will stay down. So frustrating!   I have found that the premier protein shakes are a bit more tolerable than any other protein shake but I can ony tolerate maybe an ounce an hour. If that! Also vitamin water is my best friend. It's the only thing that goes down and stays down. Minus a few burp ups I may have...   Overall I guess the journey has been interesting but definitely one filled with so many emotions. Ups and downs on a daily basis. The few people that I've met in this forum have done wonders for getting me through the last week and I thank goodness I have this place to vent and release my thoughts. It'll take me literally 50 pounds to drop a dress size so at least I can hang onto all this fashion for a while.   Other their than that I've been a trooper since about the second day post op. out and about shopping and hanging out. Went to a football game last night and getting ready to go roller skating this evening. Things will get better but my doc has me on liquids for a full 4 weeks s by the end of this ill probably never want to see or hear anything about soup again in my life. I thank god for the opportunity to get to my goal weight but I'm also saddened that this is all there will ever be!   Looking forward to better days...
princesstia

princesstia

9
 

10 days and counting

The closer the day gets, the more anxious I become. 10 days and I will be On my way to a new life. I keep a diary of all my letters to god. Every prayer, every thanks, or when I want to express myself to the man above I simply write it down. Well, as the year is coming to an end I decided to look through my last letters to God and I truly believe this operation is heaven sent. I never realized the pain all this weight was causing me. On a mental level! Of all my prayers, 85% of them were about my weight and me almost complaining to god that he has not answered me. His word says "if you remain in me and my words in you, ask whatever you wish and it shall be given unto you". Well I asked him to help me lose weight. Literally with those words. I didn't know how I was gonna do it, but I trusted god, and though some critics may call it the easy way out, for some of us it was the only way out. Some may not be spiritual, but very surely I tell you, there is a god! Ive prayed and saw my prayers answered time and time again. I've been able to accomplish and do things I could not have done in my own strength and will. I no longer worry about what will happen 10 days from today because as long as I know the man above is the force behind it, nothing can possibly go wrong.   My praises will never cease! On my way to a new me!!!!
princesstia

princesstia

1
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