Told my mom about going to Mexico for surgery. She is NOOOOOOOOT HAPPYYYYY. I cannot convince her that Dr Alvarez is high skilled and qualified. She said to tell him not to mess up!
She said she respects my decision and she's happy that Bestie is going with me. They will be here in ATL on the 24th so we'll do Christmas eve, Christmas, and then they'll probably head down to hang with my aunt and cousins and all the good people. I'll be off work, so I'll have a lot of time to rest up and get used to the sleeve.
My security deposit came out yesterday, so no going back now!
SO EXCITED.
Hi. Welcome to my quest.
I turned 38 on March 25th at a whopping 273 lbs-- the heaviest I have ever been on my birthday. I dieted down to about 243 by June 1.... and then bounced between 243 and 238 ever since. As of this moment I am sure I am over 250.
I have been fat since my teens, so a very long time. I have been as low as 218, but I haven't seen that number since the end of 2007. I haven't been under 200 lbs since I was in high school.
On top of that, I am legally blind and I wear very thick glasses. I am awkward, shy, and painfully introverted. A fun night in is a bowl of popcorn and a good book or all my internet buddies. I know nothing about makeup and most days I don't give a crap what I look like. I don't date at all. Men aren't interested in me even if I wanted to date, so that makes it easy to just not care.
I am scheduled for Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy on December 21, 2012. I've told myself that I have a bit over a year to get my act together and be 'fahn'-- not pretty, not 'okay if you're looking at her from far away', not 'well the fat one has a pretty face', not 'would be so pretty if she was thin'-- FAHN. It's a word that my friends and I use when we mean more than pretty, more than beautiful, more than hot, more than sexy.
FAHN. By 40. I will be there.
Since I have a bit of time before my surgery and I am ANXIOUS about it, I need a project to distract me. I am going through things I want to do to make changes and one of those things is my face. Well, the skin on it. I have facial hair, I have melasma (dark brown patch on my cheek), I have stubby eyelashes, I don't wear makeup and I don't really give a second thought to what my brows look like. Tangentially my hair is frequently just in a ponytail. I don't do anything to it and rarely have the desire to. So to distract myself I am working a bit on my appearance while I prep for life changing surgery.
I have ordered a Clarisonic Mia and I'll be tracking it in Nov to see if things improve on my face. I am also looking to get a scrip for Vaniqua so that I can start stunting the growth of hair. Drinking more water to make sure my skin stays clear, once I get it there. And in general starting to care about myself and my appearance.
My dad was recently in town and preached to me about loving myself. I'm trying, dad. Working on it.
A few befores. May I never be this fat again. I'm the one in orange/ the one in the long dress w/blue sweater
My Nine week/ two month upadate!
HW: 273
SW: 250
Month 1: 232
LW: 228
CW: 226
Total Loss: 46lbs
Loss since surgery: 24lbs
Loss this week: 2lbs (i deleted all the .4 and .8 and I might stop tracking them… I really don’t care about partial numbers that much)
Today is my 2 month surgiversary! :confetti:
12/21- 250lbs
1/21- 232.8 (-17.2)
2/21- 226.4 (-6.4)
23.6 lbs total loss.I’d be pissed if I wasn't looking so small right now. Definitely more inches than lbs lost.
I did measure myself a month or so ago, and I only really care about my Hips, Waist and chest so here are those:
C: 38- 35 (-3)
W: 36.8-34.8 (-2)
H: 50.9-49.0 (-1.9)
I set my next goal at I think 215 by St Patrick’s Day. Not sure if I’ll make that but Ima try.
vehemently disagree that the scale is the enemy. It is part of a set of tools that people can use to track progress. One must learn how to interpret the information-- among other information - to evaluate success. Along with clothing sizes and general overall feelings of healthy and improvement, the scale can be an effective tool. Knowing how to interpret data and use it in conjunction with other tools can help tremendously. If you track scale weight and inches, you will begin to see patters--- inch loss where the scale stands still... and then a drop in scale weight... and then inch loss. If you track food as well, you can see an immediate impact that certain foods have on our bodies, i.e. sodium. If I eat something salty, guaranteed it will show up on the scale. Bloated? Cycle coming? Constipated? All of that shows up on the scale for me. I bet it does for others.
I'm annoyed when I see someone asking about how to improve their efforts and the first thing people say is 'well ignore that data'. Actually.... what is that data telling us? If the scale AND the measuring tape AND the clothing sizes all say the same thing, is the scale still invalid? if I'm at a standstill, HOW DO WE ADDRESS THE STANDSTILL? Telling me to ignore the problem and keep doing what I am doing when I am getting no result sounds nuts to me.
Don’t brush me off as crazy because I look at numbers and you don’t know what to say to actually solve the problem.
So my normal Friday Night Ritual used to be to get off work, drive straight to my fave chicken wing place and get 15 well seasoned, plain fried wings. I don't do sauce, only ranch dip. I also get 2 ginger ale's, take it home and catch up on the DVR. Such a nice relaxing Friday night, prepping for the weekend that is usually full of hair appointments, grocery shopping, what have you.
So I hadn't had a normal Friday night in about two months because of the pre surgery diet and then the near month since surgery. This week I told myself that if I lost more than two lbs at my weigh in that I'd go get myself some wings. So yesterday I did just that.
I got 10 wings instead of 15, because let's not be ridiculous. I knew full well I'd not be able to eat 10 wings in one sitting but this way I could have some leftovers.
Normally I can get in at least 8 before I start to feel full.
Last night? Two wings. TWO! I could shove in a third one if my life depended on it but TWO WINGS AND I WAS FULL OMG.
I just had some for lunch. TWO.
I'm still in the shock and awe stage of how little I can eat. TWO WINGS!
Weigh in day! WOOT!
HW: 273
SW: 250
LW: 237.2
CW: 233.6!!!! Woot!
A 3.6lb drop this week bringing my post surgery loss to 16.4lbs and my total loss to 39.4lbs.
This week’s loss comes at a great time because I was a little mopey thinking I might not hit 20 lbs my first month.. NOT because I am trying to hit a magical number but because if this is the ‘best loss’ I’ll have before it starts to slow down, imagine what life will be like the further I get out. I spent $12K when I add up travel and all that good stuff having VSG surgery. It has to work and be worth it. This week showed me that everything is fine so I can just calm my impatient ass down.
Down 14 since day of surgery almost a month ago. Not even 15 lbs yet.
It's coming off. I see the lbs loss and I see some inches. I'm exercising, focusing on protein and liquids. I'm full after mere bites. It's working.
But...
Can I be underwhelmed and happy at the same time?
Meh.
If the first couple of months is the 'best' a person will lose, I fear for what month six will look like. I feel like I am ALREADY working for every pound.... just like normal. I don't mind working for it. I expected the sleeve to help a little more.
It does seem to be picking up, but what happens is... I'll have a drop and then it'll bounce back up for about 5 days. And then drop. And bounce again. Annoying.
I don't want hugs or advice. Don't tell me not to weigh so much. FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE if you tell me 'it doesn't come off like it comes on' I will hunt you down and slap you. That isn't what I'm saying at all... don't reduce my experience to that.
Just...... venting.
And now I'm done. I just had to get that out.
am so excited.
So the lbs are coming off slowly, but DEEZ INCHES MAYNE!
I am wearing a top from DOTS that I bought and thought I could wear and HAHAHAHHA! NO. My boobs and gut said NO MA'AM! Today? it's on. it's buttoned. IT'S CUTE!
Also, the coat that I talked about in my week two update video that would not button? BUTTONED TODAY.
Can't tell me nothin' today!
Sometimes I still wake up and can’t BELIEVE I went and got me some weight loss surgery. I actually did it. This year is gonna BANG, BABY!
Highest Weight EVAH- 273
Day of Surgery - 250
Week 1 Weight - 241.2
Week 2 Weight - 239.2
Total Loss - 10.8lbs (-2lbs)
I promised myself that I would never be disappointed about a loss, so I refuse to be disappointed. I DID expect more but my body has been playing bald headed games with constipation and water retention, in addition to the adjustment from clear liquids to FULL liquids and eating soups and such. I’m happy to see a loss from last week. I DID see as low as 238.4 this week but then I went back up to 240! ACK! Enter Colace and lots of water to save the day. I expect to see 238 again soon.
This is a BIG reason why I weigh everyday. I know, I know, it drives everyone else crazy. What drives ME crazy is to get on the scale after a week and seeing an increase and not knowing WHY. What to correct, what to do. If I get on in the morning and I’m up, I review the day before. Too much salt? Too much nibbling? Not enough of water? It gives me the power of correcting right then and there and then I can watch the numbers go back down. Knowing I am up but not being able to rule out a food or a behavior is useless to me.
NSV’s this week- Not too many, it’s still early on in my journey and the weight isn’t ‘falling off’ like it has for others. NOT COMPLAINING cause it is still coming off! I can’t wear any of my size 20 or 22 jeans. I guess that is good. My knees don’t ache like they used to… I can bound up the stairs at my house now. Used to take me a full minute to go up or down 12 steps. I’m sure there are lots of things but sometimes it’s like… I’m doing something and I think…hey! I can DO THIS NOW!
Also, I have a jacket that I bought last fall- a berry red trench from Target in XL. The arms on it were SO TIGHT I rarely wore it because I always felt like I was choking. I am no longer choking! \o/ I can’t button it yet….cause I’m busty… but that’ll be another milestone.
Week was good, rather uneventful and I suppose that’s how it’ll go. Some will be better than others. I feel like I am still adjusting to The Sleeved Life. I also feel like I need to really get to WORK adding in exercise. I’ve been doing one mile walks about every other day and as my energy allows, I’ve got to start adding in more. This weight isn’t going to just fall off, unfortunately.
Fantastic week. Long but busy and active. I feel GREAT since my surgery... really. Last night I actually almost ran up my steps. It usually takes me a minute to get up or down the stairs. My knees already don't hurt and that's worth the cost of surgery right there.
My numbers:
Highest weight- 273 in March 2012
Day of surgery weight 250
Week 1 weigh in: 241.4
Loss: 8.6 lbs
I am THRILLED with that number! I will be in the 230's next week! WOOOOT!
NSV's: I like the way my doc did my insicions, to where they're not in my bra line at all. Most are at or below my waist, one at my breast bone so I've been wearing my regular Lane Bryant underwire bras. I couldn't hang with the sports bras. The UniBoob just wasn't happening. Anyway, I feel like my band might be a bit loose and the bra is pulled as tightly as possible. It'd be nice to get rid of these G cup mamas.
My size 22 jeans need to be retired. Already. I felt like they might actually fall down the other day. My size 20's, which I haven't been able to wear for a while, fit just fine. Not tight, not cutting off circulation, they zip right up.
Like I said earlier, steps are no issue right now. I still get a backache from shopping, etc so can't wait until that goes away.
Overall I am THRILLED.
This situation is so funny to me *and maybe ONLY to me* but my mother was an RNY patient many moons ago back in 2001. She has gone from the high 260's to as low as 119. She's now leveled out at about 150 lbs and is really happy with her body.
She is 5'4" and has a medium frame. I am 5'3" with a smaller frame but I have more... assets Bigger breasts, hippier hips, more booty. Our shape is virtually the same though. I was looking at her this week (they came to visit for Christmas) and ....if her shape is any indication of what I might look like at goal, Ima'll be "thicker than a Snicker!"
She has a great natural shape. Now I am excited to see how much I will look like that when I get down there. If I even get close I will be happy.
Now, it took a long time for her to get to her current weight. She lost very slowly and she doesn't have much loose skin. *sign of the cross that I won't be too different from her*
Packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine a.m four thirty pm
And Im gonna be high as a kite by then
Heading to Houston today to hang with the Bestie before we head off to San Antonio and Piedras Negras Mexico.
WOOT WOOT! Jelly is almost here.
My nerves are shot. I go from WAY excited to OH MY GOD I AM NOT GOING TO WAKE UP FROM SURGERY OR HE'S GOING TO FIND SOMETHING WRONG IN THERE OR I AM GOING TO FEEL EVERYTHING HOLY CRAP.
And then bestie takes a shot of Rum and sends a virtual slap through the computer.
You know what is annoying? Soup shopping. Ugh. My eating is getting boh-ring. It’s all chicken broth/soup and Atkins shakes.
I started the liquid diet at 255.8 I think? Today 249.6. So that’s what, 5.8 lbs? I guess it’s not bad. I really expected to get below 250 before today but I just this morning hit 249. I had some pipe dream of 239 by day of surgery but that obviously isn’t gonna happen. I will be lucky to get to 245.
Everything is going swimmingly. Did a little shopping last night to get my room together so I can hole up in there after surgery. Still have lots to do cleaning wise but its coming together. Trying to talk myself I to letting someone come clean…… I dunno man.
Went to the salon to get some ackright up in my tresses. I can’t see fine ass Dr Alvarez withjacked up hair.
Wow, I haven't updated this thing in awhile.
Things are moving right along. i started liquids on Saturday mostly because I just got tired of eating. Has been going great so far, except a few times a night when I get snacky but I push through it with some broth or a protein shake. I have Atkins shakes, Muscle Milk lite, and I have some packets of Protein powder from AboutTime cause those are the only peanut butter flavored shakes I can find. They are pretty good. Not like smoothie king but they don't taste like chalk, so I guess that is good.
I weighed in at 255.4 on Saturday and today I am 252.6. Getting back under 250 is a huge priority. I notice the difference in my knees, especially once I get over 250. I should be out of the 250's in a few days and then working my way thru the 240s. I have hope that I will be in the 230's when I head to Mexico.
Everything else is going fine, except I've left a million things till the last minute. This week and next weekend are going to be full of prepping my house for Postop + my parent's visit. Busy busy! Will make the time fly right by!
My Liquid diet is supposed to only be 10 days but I felt weird starting it on a Tuesday so I am starting it Sunday, Dec 9th. Sundays are such a chill day for me that it's easier for me to start on Sunday as opposed to Monday. I still need to stock up on stuff I can DRINK both before and after surgery. That's my goal between now and then.
Another goal accomplished: My passport came today! WAAAHOOOOOOOOOOO!
I bought some genie bras as recommended by some members here but theyyyyyyyy are not gonna wooooorrrrk. I am too busty for them and the band is really too stretchy. it doesn't hold anything in at all. I am going to look at some sports bras but... I dunno what to do about these Bosoms!
I’ve been spending the last few weeks getting things bought and prepped for post op. I need to have things set up in my room so that I don’t have to constantly go down the stairs for things. This weekend I bought the last of the vitamins on my doc’s list, so they’ll be here waiting for me when I get home. I got some clear liquids, some unjury, and still really need to get more, I think but I am going to take inventory before I leave and see what I still need.
The best part is my bestie and I talking about Jelly like she is a real person, LOL. And we don’t think it’s weird. We are weird.
32 days to surgery! w00t! 22 days to the liquid diet…OYYYYY. I might do a few extra days, we’ll see. I oddly enjoy them. I get so stressed out thinking about food. It’s easier for me to just plan out a number of protein grams I am going to drink, set that aside and pick and choose from that small grouping of things. I have soups and shakes and broths… I’m good.
I bought my flights today... From here to Houston, hang out for a day, then Houston to San Antonio with my travel companion and then back to Houston/Georgia. Will be a whirlwind weekend!
I am stalking the post op forums because I want to know EXACTLY how I am going to feel for the first few days. It seems like Dr. A's patients are okay a few days out. I should be fine, but you never know, ya know? I want to be ready!
Being prepared eases my mind and my nerves.
According to the finance company they will fund around 2 weeks out, so the beginning of December. And then it'll be REALLY REAL.
I am weirdly enjoying the liquid diet. I cannot stand trying to decide what I can eat, what I should eat vs what i WANT to eat but shouldn't eat, what time I should eat. I just have a selection of things I've purchased and I have that and I am good to go, even at home.
I am about to have some soup and run some errands. I order my passport tomorrow. I need to make a list of things to buy to pack and things to have in the house when I come back. Because my parents will be in town, I am coming back to Atlanta instead of hanging out in Houston.
By excited, do you mean freaking out because I have never been under anesthetic? If so then yes. Actually I went to the dentist once for tooth extraction and whatever they gave me knocked me the #$&*# out!
It is vain but I am looking forward to looking good. I am embarrassed by how much I want to be annoyed by male attention. I get none right now. I want to know what it is like to not be able to cross a room without people looking. I have no illusions that I will have a hot body but what I will have is a shape that is not a size 20 and THAT I am okay with.
I turn 40 in March of 2014... and people can snark and comment and judge all they want but on that day, I will not weigh 273 lbs like I did this year. I will not fight to lose and gain the same 40 lbs. I will not cry because I see people losing weight at a great clip and I am in pain from trying to work out and gaining and losing the same .4 lbs every week and not eating anything GOOD. For that kind of progress, I'd rather eat a pepper and onions sandwich or a pizza or donuts every Friday.
MOST OF ALL when I go out with my girls I will not be the fat chick in the back trying not to notice that the dude is complimenting everyone but me. I will not shy away from pictures because I feel like I look like a beached whale next to everyone else, despite having dropped 30 lbs. What world do I live in where I lose 30 lbs but I am still fat?
Never again, if I can help it.
So yeah. Excited. NERVOUS. But really looking forward to the after picture.
I am on liquids through Wednesday of this week. 39 days to surgery. 29 days until I have to be on the 10 day liquid diet, so I am preparing myself. it's actually not too bad. Meal times are a breeze. I hate having to decide what to eat. I do better with limited options, LOL.
Countdown to Surgery: 47 days!
I can think of nothing but having surgery. I really need time to just speed forward. I've been trying to start some projects so I have something to keep me busy. I am doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and I need to go through my summer clothes and bag them, and I have been researching some issues I am having with my skin. I also have a ton of books I'm reading, so I should be pretty well occupied. I think I will set a reading goal to hit X books before I leave for surgery. That'll keep me really busy!
I have been eating like boo boo for about a week. It stops today. I don't even know what I weigh, but my knees tell me I am over 250. I've tossed out what crap I didn't eat. Last night's dinner of meatball parm and garlic rolls was the last decadent meal I will have until Thanksgiving probably. I am practicing being on a liquid diet today. I have water, Atkins shakes, chicken and beef broth and that drink and eat chicken soup.I forgot jello. DANG! Tomorrow.
I should be good go to go today. I'll probably continue it to tomorrow and weigh in on Tuesday. if I could head to Mexico in the 230's, that would be great. My knees would thank me and I would be more comfy on the plane.
Another tip that my bestie gave me: Get a coffee cup warmer! Especially if you plan to eat a lot of Unjury chicken soup, you'll have to sip so slowly that it won't stay warm long. You can't warm it up in the microwave because it will clump and curdle. I plan to get a hotpot and a warmer to keep upstairs because I spend a ton of time up in my room. I am almost never downstairs. And yes, I brought my extra microwave up here, LOL.
I also need to make a list of things I need to pick up to take with me. It takes me forever to get things together so starting now would be a good idea. Today I picked up some long sleeved shirts. I will go get more pairs of leggings and some socks and that is going to be my fashion for those days I am in surgery. I also need some sports bras, because I am not going to wrestle into a Lane Bryant bra after surgery.
Countdown Clock 48 days to surgery.
Went on a bit of a shopping spree yesterday, so a few packages are going to be coming to me in the next week or so. My Clarisonic Mia has shipped and should arrive in about 5 days.
I also ordered some wild growth hair oil, which was recommended by a friend that I call my hair guru. She's really just a product junkie that keeps her finger on the pulse of black hair care. She recommended this stuff for my edges. I'm also hoping to get some thickness back in my hair. Once I have the surgery, I am guaranteed to lose hair so I want to thicken it up a little bit before then. I used to have a lot of hair, but it has really thinned out in recent years.
I ordered a new coat from Target. It'll be the last plus sized coat I buy. It's tight in the arms but I am keeping it because soon I hope to be swimming in it. It'll be a nice gauge to me for weight loss. When that coat is too big I will rejoice.
I also have some vitamins and biotin on the way. Going to start getting in the habit of taking them now.
I went to the gas station yesterday and because I was hungry I let myself buy some junk, so that's all I had for dinner last night. And I have more of it today. What I SHOULD do is throw it away and go to the store and get some protein, some sugar free jello and some water. Maybe later on...... I DO want to start ramping down the junk, because I have 38 days before I will be on a liquid diet before surgery.
Yesterday I went to lunch with a coworker and ended up telling her about the surgery. She and I work closely together so there is no way she won't notice. I will also tell my boss, but I believe that's about it, from work. Eventually everyone will know but I want to keep my plans to have the procedure under wraps right now. Anyway, we were talking about how great the new year is going to be with a whole new me. "Can you imagine," I said. "I could be down by 50 pounds by my birthday at the end of March. That would put me under 200 pounds. I haven't been under 200 pounds since college. That's CRAZY!"
I'm ready for some crazy.
Practicing my positive attitude!
Week 5 Update
HW: 273
SW: 250
LW: 232.8
CW: 233.8 (+1)
Up one this week due to f**k ass trick ass mark ass Moms Nature. She should be showing up sometime this next week, taking this pound and some others with her so yes.
NSV’s— all my buttons button. HUZZAH! I am getting lots of compliments at work because the loss is obvious now. They say they see it in my face and my thinning profile. Yay, that’s nice to hear.
I’ve walked 7 of the 10 mile goal I set on the 15th. I plan to overshoot that so I should be close to 20 miles in January. FUN! I think I am going to push myself to walk two miles a day… the ONE mile thing doesn't even get me breathing hard unless I kind of jog it.
