So I'm in the middle of my first stall. My body and I are in this fight where it wants to do one thing, I want it to do something else, and I am feeling like a newbie just out of the starting zone that stumbled in to end game content.
I've always been the type of gamer that loved doing the impossible. Elite mob? No problem. Group of mobs three levels higher? Easy. Explore a zone ten levels too high? I'll run right through it! I'm that person that takes the phrase "You can't do that" as a challenge, not a warning. I'll throw myself at something over and over until I do it or die trying.
This has been no different. I'm taking comfort in plans and spreadsheets. I've done the math to show where I'll be next month, and the month after, and the month after that. I've got the next six months of my life planned out. I'm bordering on a near-fanatical, slightly neurotic desire to catalog every little thing. Every drink, every bite of food, every pill. Leave nothing unaccounted for, ever. I'm sure in some regard that this is entirely unhealthy. You see, like most games, this one has an end, too. Everyone can tell me (and I can tell myself) all the platitudes that I've learned from start to finish - marathon, not race, journey, not sprint, lifestyle not diet... but I don't care.
This is my end game boss and I'm a one-person forty man raid group. I don't care how many times I wipe, how high my repair bill gets, how much screaming and yelling I have to do to get my group in to shape, this b***h is going down and going down hard.
Failure is not an option.
Like all epic quests, this one begins in the storied depths of history, when our heroine was just a small child...
And that's about the extent of the pseudofantastical writing I can muster. In all seriousness, I've always been a big kid. There's nothing new, or novel, or even remotely unique about that. I don't even remember my first diet, but I do remember this list of lined yellow paper detailing all the wonderful things I'd get if I could just slim my chubby child body to a svelte 80 pounds. Needless to say, I developed an unhealthy view of food and eating at a young age. Add on the fact that food just tasted so damned good and it was a scenario guaranteed to result in a fat adult. Lots of people live fat, healthy lives, though, so what was it that brought me to laying in a gurney with IVs in my hands waiting for a surgeon to take out 85% of my stomach?
Yeah, I'm going to have to think about that one.
I discovered my first love at an exceptionally young age, when I taught myself to read with the help of the illustrious Sesame Street. While I wouldn't know it for many years, I was (and remain) an introvert. Books filled that mental craving and it wasn't unusual for me to fall asleep surrounded by stacks of them. This love affair continues to this day, but around the time I was 6, I had an experience that would change my entire life.
It was at the age of 6 that I had a hands-on experience with my first computer. Some model of Apple ][, our tiny local library somehow procured one. What was even more amazing was that after a small class, they'd let you use it. What's more, use it unsupervised! I had never seen such a thing before and I would have trouble describing or explaining how entranced I was by this collection of circuits, switches, and programming. It was, in short, a kind of magic for me.
Around the same time arcades were exploding as the first gaming revolution took hold. I still remember the first time I was taken to an arcade by my parents. My father pressed a token in to my hand and told me I could play whatever I wanted. Any of them! All brightly lit in all their 2 and 4 bit glory with colors and sounds, it was like you could hear the synapses in my brain just fire off and those little nooks and crannies that had never been exposed were instantly and irrevokably hooked.
And those four things largely sum up my formative years. When I look at myself today, that is what, undeniably, has made me who I am. Without those things, I can't even imagine what my life would have been like, and I'm glad for it.