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11-11-2007

I am in the 250s today. I weighed this a.m. and weighed 259. I am down 11 lbs since the surgery 3 1/2 weeks ago and 36lbs total. I have been exercising daily. Only for a 1/2 hour on the stationary bike but it is a workout. Anyway things are good. Until next time....
tizen33

tizen33

3
 

12-20-2007

So today I went for my second fill. It was quite the experience. The doctor reviewed my diet. He told me (of course) that I was eating things that I shouldn't. He wants me on basically the Atkins diet until I get smaller then I can start having carbs again. He also said that by looking at my diet journal that I obviously was not experiencing restriction. So he put 2 more cc's in my band for a total of 4 cc's. After the fill I sat up took a drink of water and everything seemed fine for about one minute. Then I could really feel the fluid in my throat. He could see my discomfort and asked about it. He decided to take one cc out of the band. So I now have 3 cc's in my band. I am still on only liquids until Sunday so I don't know about restriction as far as food goes. At this point I cannot drink as fast as I used to. I'm hoping this last fill will get things really going for me. I definitely haven't been hungry since I got it. I will keep updating on how things go. Hope everyone has a happy holiday! Take care..
tizen33

tizen33

2
 

9-2-2007

OMG I am so glad to be home. New Jersey and New York were a great experience but I love the small little town I live in and my little house and all the land we have. I love the quiet. I like the drivers more. The biggest traffic we deal with here is the occational train. I am just so glad to be home. My friends wedding was beautiful and I was so lucky to get to be there for her. Of course I cried:cry~ It was a beautiful ceremony. And she is so happy. Looking at the pics from her wedding were depressing. I guess that they will make good "befor" photos. The skirt and top I chose was brown and off white with a leafy pattern. I saw the photos and I looked like a damn tapestry. Big as one too. The other thing that was depressing was flying on the airplane. The last time I flew I weighed more than 50lbs less and my butt fit in the seats. This time it was tight. I couldn't get my seatbelt fastened. So I just pretended to have it on. I did okay until the last flight and somehow that damn flight attendent knew and brought me an extention belt. I was soooo embarassed. I also was a little irritated. Like how many times to you read in the news paper about a plane that crashed but luckily everyone was wearing their seatbelts? And as far as the reasoning that it could help keep me in the seat during turbulance doesn't fly either concidering how tightly my butt was wedged in those seats. I wasn't going anywhere. This is probably the first time I've felt truely ashamed and embarassed in public by my weight. I don't ever want to experience that harshness again. I am waiting til the end of this week to call and check to see if my primary doc. has recieved all the test results to be forwarded to the surgeon. I just found out I'm laid off until Oct. 1st so it'd be great if it could happen by the end of the month but I doubt it with the pre-op weight loss, etc. Maybe I should call the surgeon and see if I can come weigh in this week and start the pre-op befor all the tests are in. I'll decide in the morning. I have been up for 17 hours and only had 4 hours of sleep last night. I hope all of you are doing well on your journies. Goodnight:notagree
tizen33

tizen33

2
 

9-3-07

So I was kinda (totally) sad when after last nights journal entry that I weighed myself. I knew that on my recent trip to New Jersy and New York I was a somewhat indulgent with my caloretic intake but I thought that all of the walking and the humidity would have countered some of the damage. But no. Even though I experienced the worst sweating ever in my life and walked over 10 miles in four days I still gained weight. It seems like ever sinse I started looking into this surgury seriously I have been sabotaging myself. Some of it I've been aware of and some not. I really didn't expect to gain the NINE pounds that I did this last week. I about crapped myself. In the morning the first thing I'm gonna do is call the surgeon to see if I can get in to get weighed so I can start the pre-op diet. He won't go off of any weight except ones that are taken in his office or else I would have started this sooner. It just seems like if I'm not dieting than I am gaining weight. I am so tired of that. I am so tired of that being my reality. Dealing with obesity is one of the hardest things in my life. I concider myself a competent person. Even as a fat A** in New York I was the last one to complain about all the walking we did. I work hard. I am smart and successful in so many areas of my life and yet I can't win when it comes to losing weight. It at times makes me feel like such a failure. I get so pissed about the headtrip that humanity puts on looks. Even after I get the band and lose weight I won't be like models that we see on magazine covers everyday. My goal weight is 180. At that weight I am about a size 14. When I was in highschool in sports and very physically active my lowest weight was 170. Sometimes it is just so frustrating and I am looking forward to getting on with this process. Isn't it amazing the ups and downs we go through as fat people. Our coping mechanisms get us through so much hurt and pain. Granted we hide it as much as possible but it is still there. Ever feel like fat is a four letter word? Sorry, I'm kind of a downer today. But- as always time will move on and so will I. And all of us here reading these journals and writing in them are making choices to hopefully make a change for the better. And as long as we are striving for improvement we are striving for the change that is needed. Goodnight and take care.
tizen33

tizen33

2
 

11-01-2007

Start weight: 295 surgery weight: 270 2 weeks post-op: 263 total loss so far: 32lbs Well, I am down 3 more lbs this week. My BMI has dropped 5 points since beginning the pre-op diet. Amazing really. My goal is to be down to 250 by Thanksgiving. I haven't weight below that for about 3 years and then that was only because I got down to 247. Before that it's been about 6 years since my lowest weight which was right around 235. So, It will be so exciting to get below 235. I haven't been below that since 1998. It seems like there is so far to go. And there is. But each day I am losing little by little instead of gaining. I am so happy to be going in the right direction. Yesterday I consumed 784 calories. I'll probably update more tonight. It's later.... I've challenged myself to work out between 19-23 times this month for at least a half hour each time. I rode my bike for 30 minutes. I consumed 740 calories today.  
tizen33

tizen33

2
 

regrets

Wow- so in some ways I regret including my weight in my journal name. It just kinda freaks me out everytime I see it and think of everyone else that sees it and what must go through their minds. But when I've read other people's journals- especially when I first started looking into weight loss surgury I wanted to know where they started at and what kind of progress they've made. I also figure that as the weight comes off it will be motavational to be reminded everytime I do some journaling of where exactly it was when I began. I haven't changed my eating habits yet really. I have cut out the majority of fluid calories I consume in a day. I used drink probably close to 1000 cals a day. Now it's more like 150 or less- basicly just milk. I also have begun a slow introduction back into physical activity. I have an excersize bike and have started riding again. Real slow at first- I'm only riding a mile and a half at a time. Next week I will go up to 2 miles at a time. I figure once I go to the dietician my eating habits will really have to change. Or at least at some point soon there after. I have a hard time not justifying food sinse "I won't be able to have that later so I should eat it now while I still can". I already did this to the amount of about 15lbs. It is all part of the yo-yo'ing I've been doing for years. Oh well- I am ready for things to move along and of course it won't seem fast enough. But as the weeks go by my goal is to take little steps to change my poor behaviors by slowly replacing them with good ones. In the past I've always jumped onto whatever the next diet bandwagon was 150%. I'd stick to whatever plan long enough to see results then eventually I'd get burned out. Befor long I always go back to my old ways and gain all weight back that had been lost. I want to change for good this time. The implementing good behaviors slowly I got from listening to John Tesh- I figured I've tried other methods of changing my ways might as well try this one. I'm looking at losing weight like when I quit smoking. It was and is a continuous battle. I quit numerous times befor it finally stuck. But I finally quit. So the lapband is like the patch in a way- except I don't think the lapband can keep me from killing people- which the patch did. If any of you has ever been addicted to nicotine you understand the intense withdrawls you go through and I'm not kidding about it saving other peoples lives. But I can't wait to get banded so I can have that tool to help me win this battle! Goodnight to all.
tizen33

tizen33

2
 

8-10-2007

Yesturday I had my appointment with my PCP to get the referal for the sleep test and to have her write my referal letter that includes my diet history and medical problems that are related to by big butt. She is wonderful and so supportive of the whole thing. I was really afraid of what people would think when I first started thinking about bariatric surgury. I haven't told hardly anyone. Just one of by best girlfriends, my husband and my mother in law. They all have been great. My mother in law even told me that when I reach my goal weight she'll take me shopping for a new wardrobe:D. That's a nice kicker.... but to be honest at this point in my life I can't comprehend being even somewhat thin. In high school when I was in sports and very physically active I still weighed 170 and thought I was fat. I've always had a poor self image when it comes to my body. I really hope that as the weight comes off I will get a new sense of pride and quit being so judgemental and hard on myself. I'm tired of beating myself up all the time. Life is to short. Anyway- I gotta be getting to bed. Goodnight all. Take care.
tizen33

tizen33

2
 

12-19-2007

Tomorrow is my second fill. I haven't been following the diet I am supposed to. I have been quite naughty. All the baking I do for my gift baskets is breaking my will power. I make a mean cookie. I have also eaten around 3 cookies a day since starting this baking adventure. I've gotten rid of most of the goodies already by delivering the gift baskets. Next year I will have to not do the baking thing and find other gifts to give. I should have thought about that this year. Unfortunately I have more time (to bake) than money to spend on other gifts. I am looking forward to having more restriction. I think I have a little bit but not much at all. I can eat whatever I want and fullness doesn't last too long. I will update after tomorrow. On a good note the two days of liquids will get me to drop another pound or two. Until next time......
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

10-24-2007

I survived the jerky incident. Thank God. Today was pretty good. Not much to say. I rode my bike for 10 min. I will work up slowly as I heal. I consumed 650 calories today. Tomorrow is my weigh day. We'll see how much I've lost my first week of being banded. Until next time....
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

3-7-2008 Port flipped

So I went in for my check-up on the 4th. My doctor wanted to give me a fill. But after poking and digging around forever he sent me to get x-rays taken. And yes, my port had flipped. I went into surgery yesterday for the revision. He cut along the same scar as before. Of course the pain isn't nearly as bad as after getting the band "installed". It is frustrating because I have to pay for all of this. My insurance doesn't cover any complications from getting the band. I'm not sure the hospital fee but my doctors is $1200. So I'm setting up a payment plan... yippee. :confused_smile: I do try to look on the bright side of things though. I mean I'd rather have this happen than have my band slip or erode. I just worry it'll happen again. Other than that things are okay. I got a third fill during the surgery. I am up to 4cc's in a 14cc band. I only ate solid food once today. I'll have to wait and see how this fill works. Up to this point I've been able to eat basically whatever I've wanted. Sometimes I want more restriction and other times I'm glad I can eat toast if I so choose. Yet, it would be nice to lose a little faster. I'll just have to wait and see how things go. Hope all of you bandsters and soon to be/hoping to be bandsters are doing well. Take care!
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

10-25-2007

One week post-op today. :girl_hug: Start weight: 295 surgery weight: 270 1 week post-op: 266 Today was a very busy day. I didn't have much time to eat... I mean drink very much. I only drank 540 calories today. We went to Boise and dropped the baby off at Grandma and Grandpa's for the night. We are so lucky, Angelina has wonderful Grandparents. Then we went shopping all over town. Hubby and I had a really good day. Lots of visiting, joking and laughing. There was a long while where I wasn't much fun to be around because I was so miserable with myself. I feel like I've got a new lease on life. I've actually been happy lately. It may sound weird but I haven't been happy in a long time. It is amazing how doing something good for yourself and your life can give you an entirely new perspective. Things are good. I didn't ride my bike today but we walked around alot. We walked enough that my tummy started to ache a bit. I took a pain pill when I got home and reminded myself that I still need to take it easy. Good night all!  
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

10-26-2007

I am so glad to have my baby back. Grandma and Grandpa brought her back a little after 4pm this afternoon. I miss her so much when she is gone even for just a day. She really is the light of my life. She has started walking everywhere... finally. She was a late walker. She's been cruising since right around 12 mos. but it has taken her until now 4 months later to start really walking independently. I wasn't in a real hurry for her to walk (she's getting harder to catch ):girl_hug: but I was gonna start worrying if it didn't happen in the next couple of months. Now I can relax and just enjoy her toddling around. Today was good. I've been really good at maintaining the house. I've used this time off from work and reorganized everything. I am at much more peace when my house is in order. Everything looks so nice. I rode my bike for 10 minutes and consumed 560 calories. Goodnight all!
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

2-01-2008

I haven't written since the 12th of January. I haven't been the best at following all of the rules my doctor wants me to. I do not eat a lot during the day. I haven't been exercising since I started working full time three weeks ago. But the weight keeps slowly coming off. I cannot complain. I actually couldn't believe I was still going down when I got on the scales today. I started this journey at 295 in Sept. of last year. I had a month long pre-op diet that was doable but very unpleasant. And now I am down to 248. Almost 50 lbs. I know I could be losing faster. But I am being normal. I don't know if that makes sense but what I mean is that I am just living each day. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I am full. I don't eat the best foods everyday. I still have chocolate but very rarely and in small quantities. I just hope things keep going down. Even if it isn't 3 lbs a week. I go for a month check up on Tuesday. I will probably end up getting another fill just because I still can eat anything. Turkey gave me a little trouble but it was really dry. It just made my chest hurt. And I can eat close to a cup of food depending on what it is. Hope everyone out there is doing good and getting the support they need. This site really is a great place. I just barely have time to even check my email anymore. Take care. Until next time....
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

10-27-2007

Well it is the 28th and not the 27th as I posted but this is my journal entry for yesterday. I could not get logged onto LBT. I assume from the lack of journal entries I wasn't the only one? Anyway, yesterday was probably my hardest day since the surgery. I really wanted food. I haven't eaten for close to a month now with the exception of the chalupa I had after losing my 25 lbs 2 days befor surgery. And I just wanted something, anything. But I made it through the day. I didn't get any exercise in. I was just lazy I guess. I didn't make it a priority. I consumed 600 calories. I am ready for November 8th to be here. That is my first post-op appt and when I'll be allowed to go on mushies. I would just LOVE a scrambled egg! I will write today's entry later. Until then..........
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

10-28-2007

Not much to say today. Incisions are looking good. I had no stiches- they just glued them back together. I still have a couple of small scabs. I feel good. I'm really greatful I never had to deal with any of the gas that a lot of bandsters talk about. I have been able to pick up my 1 yr old since day 5 post-op. I do it very carefully only from positions were I'm using mostly my arm strength only. Today I consumed a few more calories. Around 700. I haven't done a total yet so I don't have an exact number. Until next time....
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

10-29-2007

Today was kind of a bummer day. Three days in a row and the scale hasn't moved. I know I shouldn't weigh everyday but I am a slave to the scale. It just seems that if I'm only drinking 700 calories or less a day that I should lose weight even if my body is in some sort of starvation mode. I am getting my protein. Usually I get right around 70grams of protein a day. I could drink more water. I guess I'll make that my goal for now. To get at least 48oz preferably 64oz of water a day. I think I strained something in my tummy yesterday. We were trying to load a couple of our steers up to go to the butcher and I yanked on this gate that was stuck in some mud a couple of times befor I realized it probably wasn't a good idea. Today I have pain on the center left side of my upper abdomen. I haven't taken any pain for it. I want to be able to feel exactly what's going on in case it gets worse and needs some kind of attention. I need to remember to take it easy. So needless to say I didn't ride my bike today. I think I'm gonna wait one more week or so. I had started riding really slow and only for 10 minutes at a time. Now I want to wait until this new pain goes away. Calories today: 645 but I'll probably have some broth befor bed. Take care all!
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

9-4-07

I called the surgeons office today. It took a little bit for them to confirm all my tests have been done and that they would be faxed to them by the end of the day. So I got my pre-op appointment made for Sept 18th at 1pm. I asked if I could come in earlier just for a weigh in so I could start the liquid diet but they said no. Dr. Cahn requires 10% weight loss within 2-6weeks just prior to surgery. So two more weeks then liquids here we come! I haven't been riding my excersize bike like I was befor but I have started working with my 23 yr old mare. Somehow we got talked into taking this horse without much knowledge of her history. She is in great shape for her age and still has some riding years left in her. I just don't think she's been ridden in 10 years or more. She has been basically a big pet. She is very green and has a lot of spook in her but only when requests are being made of her. She used to come like a dog when I'd go out to our pasture and call her. But after our little training session yesturday she didn't want anything to do with me today. Of course we worked a little harder today. I wish I had a round pen. But I'll just have to make it work with the lunge line. So training Copper is the workout plan over the next month that I am laid off work. I need to work the stationary bike back into the routine also. Until next time.....
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

-10-30-2007

Today was a better day. The morning ritual of getting on the scale had better results. I won't post what they were until Thursday, which is my weigh-in day. But it makes me feel better. I am ready to be off of liquids. 8 more days to go. Then I'm on mushies for at least three weeks. My caloric intake can go up a bit then. I'm pretty sure my body is freaking out a bit from the lack of calories for the past 6 weeks. I've tried to up my intake to closer to 800 a day. I'm not hungry. I miss eating though. Oh- I made my hubby chicken fried steak tonight with country gravy and had a couple of spoonfuls of the gravy. YUM!! I make a mean homemade country gravy. Good thing I only make any kind of gravy every couple of months. It could be addicting. I am so greatful to have the band. I am also greatful that I am in the mind space to work with it. As I've stated befor I don't ever expect to be super skinny but I will be healthy again. Sometimes I feel impatient and wish it was instantanious. But getting my butt this big didn't happen overnight so I must be patient. I'm still having trouble drinking the amount of water I'm suposed to. I've drank around 30oz so far tonight and am gonna try to get another 12-16oz down befor I go to bed. I consumed 760 calories today. Goodnight!
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

9-9-2007

My first pre-op appointment isn't until next Tuesday and for the first time I am feeling a real lag in this process. I'm also feeling apprehension for the first time. I went out and bought the chewable vitamins, calcium and whey protein. I'm still finding that I am making terrible food choices sinse I've decided to take this journey. It's like I'm having my last meal every meal for the last month! I will readjust my start weight once I get weighed at the doctors office. I'm sure my new journal name will be more like Tina- 290. I will also update all my start measurements at that time. If I keep going at this rate I might need a larger tape measure. I went to a support group meeting at the end of September. It is a pre-op requirement. One of the things dicussed that I found really interesting is different peoples experience with telling people about being banded. A lot of the people there who'd been banded had been really open and told everyone about getting banded. Everyone of them wished they hadn't been so open. I guess alot of them experienced people who would watch and comment on everything they ate. Sometimes people would bring up their weight loss and banding to total strangers and then the banded person would feel cornered into talking about weight loss surgery. Some people were told they took the easy way out or that they had it easy because of the surgery- and everyone has made it pretty clear that it isn't easy- it's still work even with the band. So I'm a little concerned because there is a group of us ladies at work who are all fat and we've all dieted together and gained together and discussed weight loss surgery together. Only one of the gals knows that I am actually going through with this process. I've asked her not to offer any information to our co-workers but I know at a certain point it will come out (most likely from the office manager when I put in for my FMLA) and everyone will know. Because we all know how news spreads at work and I just worry about what I'm going to have to deal with. I guess I'll just deal with things as they come along. Until next time............
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

11-2-2007

I think I may have over shot my weight loss goal for Thanksgiving. I want to drop 13lbs in three weeks. Granted one of those weeks I'm still on the liquid diet and the other two I'm on mushies but that's a lot of weight. I thought for some reason I had one more week in there. Well, we'll see how it goes. I am exercising daily again at 30 minutes a pop. Maybe that's why my hunger kicked up a notch today. For the first time since being banded I was really hungry. So I added peanut butter to my last protein shake (vanilla flavor) of the day. It was soooo good. It tasted like the inside of a reeses peanut butter cup to me. 6 weeks ago it probably would've tasted like crap to me but since I haven't had any real food for so long it was quite a tasty treat. It did up my calories for the day. But I am still consuming less than I have since I was probably like 8 years old. So in summary I consumed 940 calories and rode my bike for 30 minutes.
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

11-5-2007

I haven't wrote for a couple of days. Not that I've been that busy, I've just not been up to it. Things are okay. I am so ready to just be able to eat food and just eat less. I am sick of just drinking my meals. My caloric intake went up beyond what it has befor the past two days (not including today). I still consumed less than 1000 calories on those days but I had some good liquid/pureed food. I had a small (about 1/4 cup) of this Mexican casserole one day. It was really good. And yesterday I made my hubby seafood alfredo pasta. I had about 1/4 cup of the sauce. It had minced crab in it and was soooo good. It just made me want food more. Not a lot of food, just real food. Just a couple more days then my diet can increase. I didn't exercise yesterday but today my hubby and I took our baby on a walk down to our towns little park. We walked for a little over a half hour. It was a beautiful day. I consumed 640 calories today: 6:00am 2 scoops whey protein shake mix 8oz nonfat milk 11:00am 8oz chicken broth 1/4 cup instant mashed potato's in it 3:00pm 1 can ready to drink slimfast 6:00pm Dannon light and fit smoothie That's it that's all for today!! Take care all!!  
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

1-1-2008

Since my second fill I have noticed that I get full a lot quicker. I also have to really make sure to chew chew chew or else OUCH! I haven't though lost any weight since my second fill. This is due to the fact that I have been nothing but naughty. I have been drinking a lot the past two weeks (empty calories and lots of them). I have battled depression on and off in my life. I hate the idea of being on anykind of medication. It's just not my thing. Anyway, I knew the depression was coming back even before my surgery. And it took me until last week to finally go in and see my doctor and get put back on anti-depressant. It just had to be done. I was becoming quite self-destructive. I even started smoking again after having quit back in 2004. Last night hubby and I went out for the new year. We had a good time. And today I have joined the masses with my new years resolution to not smoke, follow the band rules, not drink and to exercize regularly. Granted today is day one but so far so good. I got the patch to help with the smoking. I'm addressing my depression which will help with the rest of my resolutions. We'll have to see how things go. I hope everyone has a wonderful 2008. Take care all.
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

3-16-2008

wt: 240   Since my surgery and last fill I have definitely experienced a lot of restriction. Salmon the other night I thought was going to kill me. Today almost everything I ate bothered me. I'm pretty sure I'm a little too tight. I'm hoping though that my stomach is just irritated and from the salmon and more sensitive. I'm going to do just liquids and soft foods tomorrow. I have a post-op appt. on the 25th. If things aren't better by then I'll have him take some fluid out. I started a 7 day cleanse today. It's supposed to be all natural and not too harsh. I've never done one and am terrified I will end up with the sh*ts at work. I just started the job last week. It would be a great impression on all the office gals. Both my husband and I are doing the cleanse. We have slowly been switching our diet to a healthier one. First we quit buying anything with enriched flour or hydrogenated anything. Now we are buying primarily organic. It is so expensive. I paid $6.89 for two (granted they were huge) red peppers. I about passed out. I haven't switched to organic meat yet. Our beef already is (we raise it ourselves). Boise is supposed to be getting a Whole Foods soon. I'm looking forward to that. Until next time.
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

9-14-2007

Mother-in-law went shopping at Costco and got me two cases of their brand of slim-fast. I am still assuming that I will be starting my pre-op liquid diet on Wednesday being that Tuesday I have my first appointment with the surgeon. I am nervous. I am also ready to start actually losing weight. I'm ready to feel like I am doing something to better my life. Even the four and a half days until my doctor appointment seems forever away. I am just ready to know how long it will be until I am banded. I'm ready to start..... I'm ready for it all. I'll give an update on Tuesday after my appointment. Hopefully I'll know more by then.
tizen33

tizen33

1
 

11-08-2007

Start weight: 295 day of operation: 270 3 weeks post-op: 261 I had my first doc. appointment since getting banded today. My three week check-up. Everything is fine. I have lost 9lbs since getting banded. I am happy to get to move onto pureed foods. I had pureed a few times this last week and told the doc. He said that it was okay because I didn't have it until after the second week. I'm still ready to chew my own food but at least I get real food now. I've exercised all but two days so far this month (today being one of them). I don't have to keep track of my diet journal except for 1 week prior to my appointments. I haven't decided if I'm going to do it anyway or not. I probably will once I start on all real food. Hope everyone out there is doing good! Take care!
tizen33

tizen33

1
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