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10-10-2007

I called to doctors office today ask about how they thought my pre-op diet was going considering how much I've lost. The gal there said as long as I've lost at least 20 of the 25 pounds I'd be okay. I told her that I'd switched to just liquids and no more veggies a few days ago and that I was only consuming right at 1000 cals a day. She said that the diet is only supposed to give you around 800 cals a day. I told her that the three slimfasts alone were 690cals. Then the protein shake is 220 cals and with the skim milk it's 300 cals. So right there is 990 cals. The sheet that I got said to use 2 scoops of the protein shake mix and that must be wrong for the kind of shake mix I am using. If I only used one scoop then my cals per day would be 880 cals. Anyway- I guess I'm still just nervous that my weigh in will be messed up. I've heard (on Oprah) that a persons weight can fluctuate 5 lbs in a day. So what if my afternoon appointment my weight is 5lbs heavier than it is at home and my surgery date gets moved because of it. I'd be pissed. I have worked so hard these past 3 weeks. So today, since I had already had my 2 scoop protein shake by the time I called the office, I only had two slim fasts. So my calorie intake today was 790. I didn't ride my bike but I spent around 2 hours outside hauling wood around and building a fence for the horses we got today. My hip that hasn't bothered me in a while is really achy tonight. I'll be glad to be lighter so hopefully it won't bother as much anymore. It's the reason I ride a bike instead of walking. When it acts up I gimp around and look ridiculous. I'm so tired after today. My mind feels fried. I think it's from the lack of nutrition I'm getting. But I will do what it takes to get this done. I wanted to mention befor I forget (being that could happen at anytime) that since being on the pre-op diet I've noticed that I am at times very moody. I also get headaches. I was going to say one other thing but I really can't remember. There goes that absentmindedness again.:phanvan Well, goodnight all. Good luck on your journeys.:car:  
tizen33

tizen33

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10-09-2007

Today was busy. I sold my older horse in preparation for two young mustangs we are getting tomorrow. They are beautiful but need a lot of training. Another challenge. I'm pretty much used to just liquids. It's day 21 of the pre-op diet. My tummy still complains every once in a while but after the first three days it did get better. I found a good list of things to get done and to purchase befor surgery. When I go to Boise for my last pre-op appointment next Tuesday I will be going shopping to make sure I'm all set up. I'm too tired today to be too excited or nervous. I rode my bike 30min. and consumed 1020 cals.   http://tickers.tickerfactory.com/ezt/d/4;41;93/st/20071018/e/surgery/dt/-2/k/68c5%3Cbr%20/%3E%3Ca%20href=http://www.tickerfactory.com/weight-loss/wwNunKT/%20target=_blank%3E
tizen33

tizen33

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10-08-2007

Today was good. My hubby and I went and got some hay for the animals for the winter. That was my exercise for the day. Bucking hay is quite the task. They are 100lb bales. I've lost 20lbs now. 20 days 20lbs doesn't seem healthy but when the surgeon says lost 25lbs in 30days in order to get the surgery I try my damnedest. 10 more days until surgery!! yippee!! Take care all!! Oh- cals today 1020.  
tizen33

tizen33

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10-07-2007

Today was better on the all liquids. My body did get numb to the fact it's not receiving solid food. So it's day 19 of my pre-op diet. I got below the 279 I was stuck at for a few days. I've now lost 18lbs of the 25lbs I'm supposed to lose. I've only rode my bike for 15min. so far today. I might get the other 15 in later but if not that's okay. I usually relax a little one day a week. Tomorrow will mark the 10 day countdown until surgery. I just try not to think about it too much. Yet at night when I'm trying to fall asleep (and can't) it's all I think about. Hope everyone is doing good. Calories today: 1020    
tizen33

tizen33

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10-6-2007

Today wasn't too bad as far as the diet. It wasn't exactly great either and it's not over yet. I can still have one more cup of broth. I am actually drinking 64 oz of water a day plus about another 80oz in the drinks I consume for nourishment. Needless to say I pee a lot. The scale was 1 lb less this morning. Hopefully it keeps going down. I was under the impression from the support group I went to that the doctor I am going to is a real stickler about losing the prescribed amount of weight he gives you to lose befor surgery. That's why I have been stressing so much about it. But this gal I talked to today who went to him was supposed to lose the same amount as me and only lost 9.9lbs. in the month prior to surgery. And he didn't move her date back. She weighed about 25lbs less than me though. So even though that makes me feel a little better I'd still rather be safe than sorry. My Grandma is coming up to help with the baby. Thank God for that. I didn't even think about that. I've been so busy jumping through all the hoops to get this done that it slipped my mind. Well- my ticker is at 279 today. I will update it tomorrow after I weigh in the morning. Hopefully it is less. I rode my bike 30 min today and consumed 1020 cals. Goodnight.:notagree    
tizen33

tizen33

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10-5-2007

The scale still said 279 this morning. But I am in a better space about the whole thing. I am only doing liquids for the next two weeks. If I do feel like I'm gonna die then I will have some veggies..... fresh only. I should be able to drop the last nine pounds I need to lose by the 18th. I rode the bike already today. I'm just trying to stay focused. I just love being able to read about everyones success here. It is so inspiring and helps. Even the people who have struggles help. It reminds me that we are here to make a lifestyle change. That it won't be easy but that it is possible. I am so excited that I am here at this point in my life. I am excited to think that I won't have to be huge my whole life. That I can get healthy and be happy with my success. Anyway- I'll probably edit and add more later tonite. Good Luck to all of you. Take care.   later: Well it's 11pm. I have had nothing but liquids all day. It's just about as bad as the first day of the prescribed pre-op diet. I had my protien shake this a.m. then my three slimfasts throughout the day and two servings of lipton onion soup (35cals a serving). And I am hungery. I think I'm gonna have some chicken broth befor bed. My stomach keeps rummbling. We'll see how the scale responds to this abuse after a couple of days. Consumed 1000 cals today. Goodnight.
tizen33

tizen33

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10-04-2007

Well- I rode the bike for 30 minutes last night after hubby went to bed. Haven't rode today..... once again in a funk. Vegetables are pissing me off. The shakes are okay but I really just want to eat something good. Pizza would be nice, or a chicken salad, or a shrimp stir fry. Okay I gotta stop!!!:confused: I'm discouraged today because for the past couple of days I've gotten on the scale and it hasn't gone down. It is at 279. Now it is my T.O.M. but that's almost over and I'm stressing out. I'm supposed to lose 25lbs by the 18th- probably the 16th because that's when my last appt. with the Doctor is befor the surgery. I've lost 16 but now I only have 14 days to lose 9 lbs. Doesn't seem quite likely. If my surgery date gets moved back I'm gonna be pissed. I have family coming into town (from another friggin' state) to help out with the baby. STRESS!!!! I'm gonna call the Doctors office on Monday to see if there is anything else I can or should do. Haven't rode the bike today.... yet. Consumed 1400 cals. Later.... okay I'm back. I've given myself an attitude adjustment. I rode the bike for 30 min. I also have refocused. I can do this. I need to focus on drinking the amount of water I'm supposed to each day- I haven't been very good about this up until now. Also I think I'm not going to eat squash anymore. It is pretty high cal for a veggie. I have come this far and I can't get complacent now. I must persevere!! There that's all I have to say until tomorrow!  
tizen33

tizen33

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10-3-2007

I didn't get to ride my bike today....yet. I might try to get it in after hubby goes to bed. I still don't like exercising in front of him. It was a pretty good day. I'm pretty used to not eating much now. In some ways I can see how being on this pre-op diet can be beneficial. Not just because of the weight loss but that when I am banded I'm already used to not eating hardly anything. Here's what I had today: (typical of everyday) whey protein shake 2scoops in 8oz slim milk 2 slimfast shakes (I'm allowed 3 a day but lately have only been drinking 2) 1 1/2 cups broccoli 1 cup butternut squash soup (90 cals) 1 1/2 cups stir fry veggies 1 diet Dr. Pepper That's around 1200 cals. And I'm really not hungry. The first few days of this pre-op diet I ate like three times as many veggies but not anymore. I'm actually not supposed to have soup but I've been eating progresso's hearty tomato and tried this organic squash soup. The squash soup is pretty nasty. I like squash. I've eaten a lot of it the past two weeks but the soup just wasn't right. It smelled like pumpkin pie and tasted like onion, garlic squash. It messed with my senses. I am so ready for my surgery date. Not much longer. I am on the downhill side now at least. Well, Goodnight. Hope everyone is doing good on their journeys!
tizen33

tizen33

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10-2-2007

Today was good. Not much to say. I rode my bike my 30 minutes and ate 1200 cals. I'm excited and happy for all the other tenacioustens out there who are starting to get banded. Take care all!
tizen33

tizen33

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10-1-2007

Well I'm very excited, today I got approved by my insurance. :clap2: No help from the gal who was supposed to get me my 2004 medical records. The surgeons office sent in 2005-2007 hoping they would approve it and they did. If I was nice I would call the gal from my previous Dr's office to tell her not to worry about the 2004 records but I'm not. Actually I am nice and almost called her but figured it would be good to have them just in case. I just like to pretend I'm a mean vengful person once in a while. :heh: I have two pre-op appointments on the 16th. One is with the surgeon and the other is with the hospital. Fun! Fun! At times I just can't believe this is really happening. I rode my 30 minutes today (I upped the difficulty on the bike). Cals today 1330. Take care all!  
tizen33

tizen33

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9-30-2007

I talked to my Grandma today. She is going to try and come down to help with the baby and to visit when I have my surgery. She was much more supportive when I talked to her today. She even said she was proud of the choice I was making. Which was nice to hear. It's not the easiest choice. Somedays it seems like a easy answer. Other days I see it for what it is. It is a huge dramatic change to my life as I have known it. I got a little freaked out last night reading about different peoples experiences of erosion. I think that's the one thing that concerns me the most. I just worry that if I were to have it I wouldn't have symptoms until it caused some kind of bad damage. I guess everyone worries about things the closer their surgery date gets. On a good note day 12 was pretty good. I didn't ride my bike today. Kept my cals right at 1300. Goodnight and good luck with your journies~:notagree  
tizen33

tizen33

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9-29-2007

Today was much better. I did eat a lot of vegi's. Had an artichoke, baked zuchinni, brocolli, cauliflower..... yum. I use the fat free, zero calorie butter spray. It's actually pretty good. I rode my bike 30 minutes on my bike. Total calories today: 1380  
tizen33

tizen33

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9-28-2007

My pre-op diet sucks. I don't feel that way every minute of every day but there is that very strong underlying feeling.:tired It's not that I'm that hungry. It's more that there are just times that I've used food and I'm not supposed to use it now during those times. When my mood gets in a negative funk I like to feed it. I had a real hard time today. It is day 10 of my 30 day pre-op diet. And today I wanted to eat everything. Once again I did cheat. I ate a chicken strip. But once again I didn't have my last slim fast to help balance it out. I wanted to eat a hell of a lot more. One good thing is we don't really have any goodie foods or foods that are real easy in our house. At least not things that I like. Tomorrow has got to go smoother! The weight records I need still havn't been faxed to the surgeon. I called and requested the others I mentioned from the Primary Health. They said it would take at least a week. At least I've covered my bases as well as I can. The surgeons office faxed the info they had to BCBS to see if they would approve me without 2004's records. I doubt it but they thought it was worth a shot. Total cals today was 1550. and I rode my bike the 30 prescribed minutes. Good luck to all!
tizen33

tizen33

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9-27-2007

Yesturday was rough. I had to go to the city (an hour a way). I ended up only having my protien shake and one slimfast from 6am until around 4pm. My system was whacked out! Finally today I feel normal, but last night no matter what vegi's I ate and the shake I had I couldn't shake that off feeling. I had to go to Boise to sign a medical release for my weight records from my old PCP from when I lived there. The gal still hasn't gotten them for me. It's been almoste a week. I just need my weights from 2004. The gal also told me they don't have any records from befor then..... Is that possible??? I started seeing this doctor in 2002. They should have all my records shouldn't they?? Anyway. I'm giving them until Friday and then after racking my brains I remebered having to go to a Primary Health center once when I was sick in 2002 or 2003. They should have my weight. I would be so pissed if this messes up my insurance approval process. I've already pre-registered for surgery and everything, This really is quite the process. It's not like with- oh I don't know- gallstones, to where you need surgery and you get it. This is a pain in the ass at times. I guess it proves if you really want it. And I do so through another hoop I will now jump. I'm gonna go call the primary health now to see how long it will take to get my weights. Until later~ :mad: [/url] ickerfactory.com/weight-loss/wwNunKT/"]
tizen33

tizen33

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9-25 2007

Wow- kinda had a rough day today. Started out good in the morning.... except for the sour milk. I ended up eating three taquito today. I traded the calories by not drinking a slimfast. I still consumed less than 1500 cals. so I am trying not to beat myself up so bad. And I did exercise. And tomorrow is another day. I was just reading through some different threads and realized how thankful I am to have this forum and everyone in it. It is so inspiring and helpful to read everyone's answers and experiences to different questions. This pre-op diet is driving me nuts and it's nice to be able to have a place to get grounded. I just really can't wait to get this done. I've spent too many years in a heavy unhealthy state. I'm ready for change...........23 more days to go!!! Goodnight.
tizen33

tizen33

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9-25-2007

Well I'm grossed out. I was drinking my morning protien shake and it took until about half of it was gone befor I started to think it tasted a little funnier than usual. The milk in my fridge had soured slightly. YUCK! The date on the milk says it's still good for a week but not for me it's not. :mad: On a good note I lost 10lbs this first week on my pre-op diet. I know that number won't repeat itself but feel it is a good start. Still can't believe that I have three more weeks of this... I guess I'm a quarter of the way there. I'm trying to be optimistic but that sounds like a looooong time right now. Hope everyone's journey is going well! Until next time:). rode bike 30 min.
tizen33

tizen33

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9-23-2007

Day 5 of pre-op diet. 25 more to go. I am so envious of all of you who didn't have to or won't have to do the pre-op for so long. But my surgeon is pretty strict about losing close to 10% total body weight. He said 25lbs for me. It's hard sometimes when my husband eats in front of me. It's also amazing now that I realize how many times a day I would just pop something in my mouth. Like when I am fixing my 15 month olds meals I usually take a bite here and there to make sure it's not too hot or that whatever it is tastes good. I also do that with cooking, putting away food, anytime I handle food. But I've stopped the misc bites and finger licking. Watching commercials can be difficult. I never realized just how many food commercials there are or how good they really make that food look. I've been trying to DVR everything I watch so I can skip the darn food commercials. I've started tracking the calories and protein I eat in a day. I first tried the website: mypyramid.gov but was unhappy with it. I found that slimfast's website has a free diet/nutrition tracker. I just have to delete the menu they come up with for me and put in what I actually eat. And if they don't have something you've eaten in their system you can add it and it will remember it (like the protein shake that I drink). They also have exercise trackers and a lot of other helpful tools all for free. Today I ate 1270 cals and rode my bike for 30min. Goodnight and goodluck to all.:mad:
tizen33

tizen33

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9-22-2007

It is day 4 of my pre-op liquid/vegi diet. It actually has gotten better. By the end of yesterday my stomach wasn't begging for food like it was the first two days. And can you believe those chocolate slimfast shakes actually start to taste thick, creamy, chocolaty, yummy AND satisfying? And who knew that baked zucchini could be so delicious. I am sure that I won't feel that way in a couple of more weeks but at this point I am glad to not feel like I am starving. I got a call from the doctors office when I got home Friday evening. I am a little irritated. They said the insurance company is requiring weight records from 2004 til now and all documentation of weight loss attempts the doctors have. The reason that this is irritating is because I called the insurance three times to make sure that I had all my bases covered on all the crap that they require to approve the surgery and they said they only needed your primary physician and surgeons recommendation. I don't mind if they want more stuff, just be up front about it. Why would they tell me something different? I don't understand. So I will be calling them on Monday after I've taken care of the new requests and ask them if it's normal for them to not be upfront about their coverage requirements. Don't mess with a hungry woman damn it! rode bike 30 minutes
tizen33

tizen33

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9-20-2007

Day 2 of pre-op diet. It really sucks. The doc did say after 3-5 days your body adjusts to it. God I hope so. I can do it but it's not pleasant. 28 more days to go. That sounds like a long frickin' time!:straight But at least I am on my way:p. rode bike 30 minutes
tizen33

tizen33

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9-20-2007

So this was my first day of the pre-op diet. Right now I could definitely eat but it's not terrible. I bought my husband a bunch of frozen/easy foods for him to fix for himself while I'm on this liquid/vegetable diet. He just won't cook, at least not regularly and I'm not quite ready to torture my self yet. I'm having a hard time contemplating drinking slimfast and eating vegetables only for another 29 days. Yet I know it is what must be done. I rode my bike for the 30 minutes of exercise the doctor wants done daily. As I sit here my stomach feels like a pit. I might have to go eat some broccoli. Just so it's noted I will post my starting weight and current weight weekly. My measurements I will do monthly. Those posts will always be done in green for those of you who want to see what kind of progress I've made (none as of yet- but a week from now there'll be some changes;)). Good luck to all. Goodnight.
tizen33

tizen33

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9-18-2007

O-kay so I got weighed officially at the surgeons office. And as I had suspected I had gained a lot (17lbs). So I changed my journal name to Tina 295 to reflect my starting weight. It's amazing how self destructive I can be. On a positive note I start the pre-op diet tomorrow. The diet consists of one protien shake in the morning. Three cans of slim fast a day. And vegetables (no corn or potato) for lunch and dinner. I get to do this for a month. I am suposed to lose 25lbs by then. The Doctor said that most people lose between 5 and 8 lbs a week on this diet so this should definately be doable. All of my paperwork, etc. is being sent to insurance for approval. The gals at the doc's office said that Blue Cross usually responds quickly. Assuming insurance approval goes smoothly and my weight loss goes smoothly they set a tenative surgery date for Oct. 18th. I am in awe. None of this seems real. I just feel like I'm jumping through another hoop to get to this far off dream that I have. But it is becoming a reality. I'm sure it will seem real when I'm sick of slimfast shakes and vegetables 4 weeks from now. I have told a few more people. I told my grandmother who raised me today and I told a close friend in town. The friend was very supportive. My Grandmother had a couple comments that kind of rubbed me wrong but I know she means well. She just has a hard time that I can't do it myself. She's talking about coming out when I have the surgery to help with the baby. Maybe I can explain it better to her then. I am still torn on when to tell other people. My husband thinks I should just be honest when asked, but that I don't need to volenteer any information. I think I agree with him. All I know is how tired I am of being fat and depressed about it. I'm tired of the self destructive behavior I indulge in. I am ready for the change. And it starts tomorrow. Here are my current stats: height: 5' 7" weight: 295 BMI: 46 bust: 53 1/2 in waist: 55 in hips: 57 in thigh: 35 in calves: 21 in arms: 17 in OMG!! I'm almost as round as I am tall!!!! but not for much longer!!:car: Good luck to all of you on your journey's.
tizen33

tizen33

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9-14-2007

Mother-in-law went shopping at Costco and got me two cases of their brand of slim-fast. I am still assuming that I will be starting my pre-op liquid diet on Wednesday being that Tuesday I have my first appointment with the surgeon. I am nervous. I am also ready to start actually losing weight. I'm ready to feel like I am doing something to better my life. Even the four and a half days until my doctor appointment seems forever away. I am just ready to know how long it will be until I am banded. I'm ready to start..... I'm ready for it all. I'll give an update on Tuesday after my appointment. Hopefully I'll know more by then.
tizen33

tizen33

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9-9-2007

My first pre-op appointment isn't until next Tuesday and for the first time I am feeling a real lag in this process. I'm also feeling apprehension for the first time. I went out and bought the chewable vitamins, calcium and whey protein. I'm still finding that I am making terrible food choices sinse I've decided to take this journey. It's like I'm having my last meal every meal for the last month! I will readjust my start weight once I get weighed at the doctors office. I'm sure my new journal name will be more like Tina- 290. I will also update all my start measurements at that time. If I keep going at this rate I might need a larger tape measure. I went to a support group meeting at the end of September. It is a pre-op requirement. One of the things dicussed that I found really interesting is different peoples experience with telling people about being banded. A lot of the people there who'd been banded had been really open and told everyone about getting banded. Everyone of them wished they hadn't been so open. I guess alot of them experienced people who would watch and comment on everything they ate. Sometimes people would bring up their weight loss and banding to total strangers and then the banded person would feel cornered into talking about weight loss surgery. Some people were told they took the easy way out or that they had it easy because of the surgery- and everyone has made it pretty clear that it isn't easy- it's still work even with the band. So I'm a little concerned because there is a group of us ladies at work who are all fat and we've all dieted together and gained together and discussed weight loss surgery together. Only one of the gals knows that I am actually going through with this process. I've asked her not to offer any information to our co-workers but I know at a certain point it will come out (most likely from the office manager when I put in for my FMLA) and everyone will know. Because we all know how news spreads at work and I just worry about what I'm going to have to deal with. I guess I'll just deal with things as they come along. Until next time............
tizen33

tizen33

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9-4-07

I called the surgeons office today. It took a little bit for them to confirm all my tests have been done and that they would be faxed to them by the end of the day. So I got my pre-op appointment made for Sept 18th at 1pm. I asked if I could come in earlier just for a weigh in so I could start the liquid diet but they said no. Dr. Cahn requires 10% weight loss within 2-6weeks just prior to surgery. So two more weeks then liquids here we come! I haven't been riding my excersize bike like I was befor but I have started working with my 23 yr old mare. Somehow we got talked into taking this horse without much knowledge of her history. She is in great shape for her age and still has some riding years left in her. I just don't think she's been ridden in 10 years or more. She has been basically a big pet. She is very green and has a lot of spook in her but only when requests are being made of her. She used to come like a dog when I'd go out to our pasture and call her. But after our little training session yesturday she didn't want anything to do with me today. Of course we worked a little harder today. I wish I had a round pen. But I'll just have to make it work with the lunge line. So training Copper is the workout plan over the next month that I am laid off work. I need to work the stationary bike back into the routine also. Until next time.....
tizen33

tizen33

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9-3-07

So I was kinda (totally) sad when after last nights journal entry that I weighed myself. I knew that on my recent trip to New Jersy and New York I was a somewhat indulgent with my caloretic intake but I thought that all of the walking and the humidity would have countered some of the damage. But no. Even though I experienced the worst sweating ever in my life and walked over 10 miles in four days I still gained weight. It seems like ever sinse I started looking into this surgury seriously I have been sabotaging myself. Some of it I've been aware of and some not. I really didn't expect to gain the NINE pounds that I did this last week. I about crapped myself. In the morning the first thing I'm gonna do is call the surgeon to see if I can get in to get weighed so I can start the pre-op diet. He won't go off of any weight except ones that are taken in his office or else I would have started this sooner. It just seems like if I'm not dieting than I am gaining weight. I am so tired of that. I am so tired of that being my reality. Dealing with obesity is one of the hardest things in my life. I concider myself a competent person. Even as a fat A** in New York I was the last one to complain about all the walking we did. I work hard. I am smart and successful in so many areas of my life and yet I can't win when it comes to losing weight. It at times makes me feel like such a failure. I get so pissed about the headtrip that humanity puts on looks. Even after I get the band and lose weight I won't be like models that we see on magazine covers everyday. My goal weight is 180. At that weight I am about a size 14. When I was in highschool in sports and very physically active my lowest weight was 170. Sometimes it is just so frustrating and I am looking forward to getting on with this process. Isn't it amazing the ups and downs we go through as fat people. Our coping mechanisms get us through so much hurt and pain. Granted we hide it as much as possible but it is still there. Ever feel like fat is a four letter word? Sorry, I'm kind of a downer today. But- as always time will move on and so will I. And all of us here reading these journals and writing in them are making choices to hopefully make a change for the better. And as long as we are striving for improvement we are striving for the change that is needed. Goodnight and take care.
tizen33

tizen33

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