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My weight loss journey.

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Post Op Day 5

Today I am doing much better. I am not sobbing. I was an emotional mess yesterday and crying. It was all fear related though. I wanted to isolate and be alone but that is the disease of food addiction so I reached out to friends and asked them to come visit me today. I use to attend Overeaters Annoymous, guess I never got the annoymous part. But it really taught me a lot like not to isolate. I guess that is what I want to pass along today is don't isolate yourselves. Isolating is selfish, I love being there for my friends and I will not rob them of being there for me, everybody wants to know they are needed and matter. So let your friends and family love you and don't put baby in the corner, because nobody puts baby in the corner! So this is day five and I am sick to death of the liquid diet so my never compliant self decided to have an egg. I made one jumbo scrambled egg with a pinch of cheese and I added ketchup on top when it was done cooking. It was so nice to have food. I am really worried about getting my protein in so that is why I made myself the egg. It went down okay, funny thing is I couldn't finish it all, which made me laugh. I used to clear my plate at ihop when I had an steak omelet and now I can't even finish one egg. Now I am fighting the urge to buy a scale. Day 5 what do I think I am gonna weigh! I want to be patient and kind to myself. The weight will come off even though I have fears it won't but fear = false expectations appearing real. This journey is going to require a lot of courage and willingness to change, thank God you can fake both of those things when you don't have them at the moment, they work on credit so borrow big. God Bless all of you and best of luck!
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

8
 

2 Months & 44 Lbs Gone!

It has been awhile since I last posted. It has been 2 months since I have had my surgery and I have lost a total of 44 pounds. I feel great except for the bronchitis I have now. I have enjoyed some halloween candy and had a piece of wedding cake at my sister's wedding I enjoyed both. I no longer like bread all that much or my former favorite pizza. My new favorite treat is greek peach yogurt with walnuts or pecans. I swim often and will be leaving shortly to swim some laps. I am really grateful that my weight loss has been steady and constant. I always lose at least a pound a week if not more. I eat when I am hungry and it is very easy to stop when I am full. I am grateful that being obsessed with food seems to be over. I have more time to obsess over facebook, reading, swimming and music. Life is really good except for the bronchitis and finances but other than that everything is wonderful.
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

5
 

Anybody Else?

I am 8 days into the liquid diet and super surprised I have not cheated, I am so proud of myself. I am really thankful I have supportive friends and family that have encouraged me to keep going. The worst was day 6, I was extremely nauseated and had a horrible headache. However, on day six I left work early and went home and watched Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (extended version of course!). I had wanted to have crackers in my soup but it is not allowed. I started viewing those crackers as the ONE ring and I wasn't going to cave, but boy did I want to but. Those crackers stayed in the cabinet or going back into Mordor as I thought of it. I did better than Frodo in the end thank goodness. (refering to the end of the trilogy) So on day 8, I am pulling a Finding Nemo and I am just going to keep on swimming, the only trouble I have now is actually wanting to do the protein shakes and soups, I just take a few sips and I am done, I just can't bare another. All I want is water with and without crystal light and kind of gross but it's what I want Klaussan's pickle juice. I did get one shake down and a yogurt in so that is good. I highly recommend dannon's oikos greek yogurt 12-15g of protein and very satisfying. The hardest part is the lack of variety especially when I don't like to have all the sweet tasting stuff, but only a couple more days at this point I am in it to win. God Bless everyone on your journey!
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

5
 

Post Op Day 4

Well, I am home from the hospital, yay! (I got to leave day 2) The staff and hospital were really wonderful but like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home". I am so thankful for my family and friends being so supportive. It is so surreal now, if it wasn't for the pain I wouldn't be able to tell I had it done. I say that because I haven't had to eat anything, so I don't realize I am taking in less to eat. Towards the end of the liquid diet I was so sick of the same thing I would not eat because the thought made me depressed or nauseous. So I still am on the liquid diet and looking forward to getting off it. I abhor vomiting so I have been really cautious as far as my intake of 4oz per hour. As far as the pre-op liquid diet I did cave on day 10 and had 2oz of chicken and 6 chicken nuggets, I just couldn't take it anymore. I have no regrets because the chicken was fabulous but I did force myself to vomit some of it up because I was worried about the food being inside me so close to my surgery. I don't reccommend my behavior to any one but I wanted to be honest. I am experiencing some pain but nothing my pain meds don't take care of. What truly amazed me was right after surgery my high blood pressure was gone. I was convinenced that they were giving me iv meds for it but no they weren't. I have had high blood pressure since I was 19 or 20 years old and now it just up and left me. It's just miraculous. I think it is going to take some time to adjust to everything. I did lose 13 pounds from the liquid diet so that is a plus. The one fear that has its grip into me is that I won't lose the weight. What if I did all this and don't lose any weight? That thought alone just gives me the creeps! Well, good luck to all of you on your journey. God bless us all!
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

5
 

Day 13 Rambling Confession?

Well, I know I have lost weight because I can put on my jeans today. I do not own a scale and I have issues with using more like abusing them so I refuse to purchase one. Tomorrow I am finally allowed to go back to water aerobics which I am really looking forward to that. I have been exercising on my recumbant bike and walking the dog. I have been having trouble adjusting to the change of life style. I remember saying to my mom the other day how I missed dieting for just half the day. I miss the freedom of eating what I want when I want it; spoken like a true addict! Yet I am also grateful I don't have that option. The one thing I thought I would get out of this surgery was to never feel hungry again, what an idiotic thing to have thought but nonetheless I thought it. I feel hungry now more often than I ever have before. One because I can only eat a few bites and two before I was eating all the time therefore I never got the opportunity to feel hungry often. I remember pre-surgery getting hungry my response was to panic and then stuff my face because the feeling was so uncomfortable, foreign and anxiety inducing that was the only thing I could do in the moment. This surgery has caused me to face getting hungry a few times a day and it is getting easier. The thing is to slow down. I ate too fast and was in tremendous amount of pain the other day. I am physically all better, completely healed but mentally it's a jungle in there. I am greatful I took a full three weeks off from work because the stress of all the change can be a bit much at times. The first few days I was regretting my decision but now I know this was the path I had to walk. I had tried everything and given up, I'm a quitter, this pathway has no exit options. I can't get my stomach back, though it would have been nice to have had a funeral for it. It allowed me to eat and comfort myself when I needed comfort as a child. It was a good friend I just wasn't a good friend to it. I like that I don't count calories and if I chose to for some insane reason, I wouldn't get very high. The goal is 600-800 and sometimes that is a stretch goal. The only thing I count now is protein and I am going to saying it here because I say it every where else I hate protein shakes. I am tired of them. It's a good thing I love chicken and greek yogurt since it is my diet now. The foods I miss most are fruits and vegetables. I would love to have a salad and I can't have one, makes me laugh then cry. I also miss pizza, cake and right now chocolate, but I would love to have a chicken pecan salad even if only a couple bites and popcorn (went to the movies with a protein shake healthy but missed the popcorn). But what is really great is that my high blood pressure is gone, it left like a thief in the night after my surgery and is still gone. Also another plus is that it doesn't hurt to move and riding my recumbant bike is actually pleasurable. I kinda like all the change even though is it is scary, at least it's new before life was the same old thing and now not so much.
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

4
 

Not Too Much Longer :)

It's getting closer to my date and I am more excited than nervous thankfully. Luckily or maybe not so, I have had major surgery before where I have been cut open front and back ( spinal surgery for inquiring minds) and I had no complications, healed up very quickly. so I know I tolerate anesthesa well just not the morphine pump, hopefully, I won't be in too much pain. I am more nervous about the liquid diet and nawing off my left arm while I am asleep due to the food depravation . I am left handed so that would be a big problem. I am more nervous about afterward, like what if I don't lose weight? My mother says (she's a nurse) that it is impossible but that irrational fear is still there. I am looking at this surgery as the last option so if it doesn't work, what then? But for the most part I am confident it will work if I work it. I am really looking forward to eating less, I have done enough eating for a few lifetimes. I rather live my life fully now. God Bless you all, Love Linsey!
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

3
 

A Brief Introduction

Hello, my name is Linsey and I have been overweight since I could form a memory. I am now 33 and fortunate to have the opportunity to have the vertical sleeve covered through insurance. I have tried and failed many diets and my last attempt at a 12 step program was helpful but not as much as I needed. I am really looking forward to the little rewards that are going to come, like having a lap for my nieces and nephews to sit upon, walking a mile and not needing an ambulance afterwards or halfway through, riding a bike, roller skating, shopping in a regular clothing store which would be a first, riding a roller coaster, dating, and my gut not rubbing against my steering wheel as I drive. I just want to fully enjoy my life and not the food, I have enjoyed enough food now and am ready for this tool to give me the help I need. I love reading all the blogs, it is amazing to know I am not alone in this journey. I'll write more later.
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

3
 

Day 3 Of Liquid Diet

Well, it is day 3 of my liquid diet. The first two days were amazingly easy. I wasn't really too hungry but today is a different story. I have a headache, tired and would like a cheeseburger but would settle for a healthy salad just to chew something. I did find a protien shake mix I like. I went to Complete Nutrition, the guy there was so nice and let me sample all the different kinds. I settled on smart smoothie chocolate fudge edition, it mixes extremely well with my almond milk and is even creamy like a milkshake. I had my physical today. I also had my first appointment with a psychologist (not for the psych eval). I have issues of resentment toward my dad and anxiety issues not to mention food issues I want to work out. I have gone through Overeaters Annoyomous and know from experience when the food goes away all the repressed issues come up. I want help to deal with all the chaos brewing underneath the flab and food abuse. I am very intrested to see where this journey is going to take me; looking forward to the highs and overcoming the lows. I am excited and tired more than I am hungry right now. Only 7 days to go, I know I can make it but I will most likely whine about it sometime of the time.
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

2
 

Funny T.m.i

Hello,   Today I overslept but that was because I had to take two muscle relaxers my cramps on the pain scale are an 8 out of 10. You know the frowny face that wants to cry but won't because she's tougher than 9 or 10. I had to take the other day 1 percocet, 2 muscle relaxers and motrin and that cocktail only made me sleepy and out of pain. I know most people in our boat are told can't take motrin (ibproferin), but my doctor/surgeon said if I use motrin just be sure to take an antiacid with it if I only use it during my period which I did and no I didn't have any problems. I know too much info but my period sucks and once it came it explained why I wanted to kill my niece and nephew last weekend, my nasty sarcastic remarks, crying jags and desperate need for chocolate. I am one of the few women in the world ready for menopause. I'll take hot flashes over homicidal flashes, it's safer for everyone that way. I don't have any kids nor am I too keen on having any so I am ready for menopause. Aunt Meno can take old Aunt Flo's place anytime soon, I'll put out the welcome mat for her; Aunt Flo can go take a long walk on a short peer for all I care. Somedays, mainly one week out of each month it really sucks being a woman. But other than Aunt Flo being in town things are great. I will be going back to work on Monday only looking forward to the paycheck. Physically I am ready and mentally I am almost there. I am worried about what to pack for lunch when I go back. But I'll work it out.   God bless everyone especially hormonal women.
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

2
 

Half Way Into Liquid Diet.

Only five days left of my lovely liquid diet. I have to say it is not as bad as I thought it would be, I haven't killed anyone. I do miss chewing my food but it is worth it, I am worth it. I do experience headaches but it is nothing asprin can't handle. I have been very tired but I use crystal light energy and that keeps me up while I am working. I am looking forward to working out today, I have a gym membership at the wellness center at the hospital where I will have my surgery. I love water aerobics. I have always liked exercising it is just that at my weight I can only do about a minute so water aerobics is the only option where I can move for a couple hours consistently. I am so excited that I get 3 weeks off from work, I have to say I will definitely be finding a new job, that is half of the joy of having surgery is just to be away from work. I was born for retirement but my checkbook thinks other wise. So looking forward to all that is coming, good luck and blessings to all
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

2
 

Thankful For My Sleeve!

It has been awhile since I last posted so I figured why not post. Right now everything is going really well for me. I have lost a total of 31 pounds which is the fastest I ever have lost weight had surgery on 8/29/12. I set a goal to weigh 310 pounds at the end of September and I made it. I have a lot more energy than I have had in a long time. Sometimes I work out twice a day, mostly walking and swimming. I still have no intrest in cleaning around the house even though I have the energy to; I just really hate house work. The only challenge I am having is affording the right foods to eat. I was on a medical leave from work for awhile so now it'll take a couple paychecks to catch up to where I need to be, but I am not worried because worry doesn't bring money just stress so I am refusing to do that. I am finally really happy I have been sleeved before I wasn't to sure. I was on a very long walk when I was just so grateful I could move and happy that I had the sleeve done. I feel like the prison door has been opened and I am just walking out. I am not obessed with food. I eat when I am hungry. Another great thing is I don't get panicky when I get hungry like I did before the surgery. The feeling of hunger happened so rarely before because I was always eating never getting the opportunity to get hungry. I don't have the amount of anxiety I used to have before the sleeve. I am no longer taking my anxiety medication. I only am on two meds both are generics and I am saving money there thank God! I don't regret having this surgery at all maybe I will on Thanksgiving but I don't think so. I'll probably be the only one not passed out and in pain from being stuffed. The one thing I love about Thanksgiving and always have has nothing to do with food, it is just having family around and enjoying one another. It's like Christmas but sans the presents and greed. Life is so much better with the sleeve, no regrets for now, except for having to do housework
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

2
 

Four Month Anniversary!

Well, tomorrow I will have officially been sleeved for four months. I am now down 56 pounds which is awesome because it normally takes me a year to lose that much weight. In my third month I went through a plateau but this month I lost about seven pounds in one week. I really love working out. I have discovered the elliptical machine at the gym and now we are great friends. I would say besties but that title is for the lap pool alone. I love swimming. The thing I am struggling right now with is chocolate. It seems the only thing that doesn't upset my tummy and it tastes super awesome but I just have no control over it so I am giving it up. I don't know if anyone else has this, but in the morning for breakfast I can barely eat a couple bites without getting full. Later on in the day I can eat more but breakfast I feel like I could eat a horse but I can't even finish a cup of 5.3oz yogurt. I am lucky vomiting hasn't been an issue for me at all, however, when I have eaten really fatty meats I have diarrhea about 20 mins after eating so be careful out there. I have had to buy new clothes because everything was too big. I wear a size 22/24 shirt now and I can't ever remember buying that size for myself. My jeans are a size 22 and dress slacks are a 24. It's nice but expensive.
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

2
 

Went To My First Support Group Meeting

So last night I went to my first wls support group, I had missed the last meeting because I rather had worked out. I wish I just would have gone to the gym this time. It was forty minutes of how to handle stress and not that the information was bad, but it was a seminar not a support group. I really love this website where I can discuss my feelings and get feedback which is what I assume would be what a support group is suppose to be like. I did go work out at the gym and swim laps afterward but I just hate being bored or wasting my time. Well, at least I now know I am not missing anything, so maybe it wasn't a total waste.   I think the most frustrating thing is when I don't lose weight as much as I would like. The scale is messing with me it is staying at 296 but I don't want to worry about it. I had my surgery on 8/29/12 so it's only been two months. I have never lost 44 pounds in two months in all my life, so I am heading in the right direction, the weight is coming off and my pants are loose. So my plan is to continue to lose weight and gain some patience with the process. The thing is I have spent so much of my life fat I want to live it healthy and at normal healthy weight but all good things will come in time.
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

1
 

1St Doctor Follow Up

Well, now I can officially eat eggs and chicken, I am so happy. I have been quite fortunate that I haven't had any nausea or vomiting. I didn't lose any weight in fact it went up 4lbs but I doubt it is anything but water weight since I am lucky to get 500 calories in. Patience is a virtue which is most unforturnate since I rather be able to purchase it but oh well. It is a skill set I will by force acquire. I decided against getting myself a scale. I would become way too obessed with it. So the Doc said to start exercise, I hate the heat so I will be dusting off the old recumbant bike and taking it for a stationary spin. I have been also allowed to swallow my pills because crushing them up is completely awful tasting. I also get to go back to water aerobics in one week, so looking forward to that, I miss it. Hope all is well in your neck in the woods! God Bless us all!
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

1
 

Doing Good!

I am doing really good on my weight loss and even with the quick pace it is still hard to be patient. The main reason is because I have lost this same weight range before several times so I am wanting to get into new scale territory. Now that food is no longer the driving obsessive force in my life I am for the first time researching nutrition and how we get fat in the first place. It is disturbing the things I am finding out. It really all began with this documentary called "Fat Head". If you have Netflix you can watch it or if you don't sign up for the free trial and watch it. It is a documentary that is in response to Super Size Me and it discusses nutrition and how all the information we know about low fat eating is the film's term not mine is'bologna'. So like all intresting concepts instead of believing the movie I am reading and doing research on my own. What I am finding is really disturbing to me and that movie was dead on. I don't regret my surgery and am thankful for it but had I known the truth about nutrition and how we get fat I would have had another way to treat my obesity. All those times I thought I was weak willed when I was given into the urge to eat while dieting makes me mad . Dieting is semi starvation, starve anyone and they are gonna think about food and then eat, duh. The plus side of doing all this research is now I finally understand how best to feed my body now. I also now understand why all the great benefits of this surgery and changing my diet work. All my anxiety is now gone, I don't crave foods, I no longer have insomnia, I have tuns of energy and love exercising and have no pain doing so even though I am at the same weight where previously I struggled with pain and energy while exercising. I honestly feel like I am in my overweight teenage body where I didn't feel the effects of gravity so much no aches and pains but I feel better now than I did then. I have been reading Good Calories Bad Calories and Why we get fat and what to do about it both by Gary Taubes both at the library but I'll be buying both. I have been reading other books as well but G.C.B.C. sites the scientific studies if you're like me and need evidence. I mention these books because they're really good reads and perhaps you're curious like me about nutrition now that the food obsession is gone or if it's still there how to get rid of it. Here is a quote that I find fascinating.   "In other words, the science itself makes clear that hormones, enzymes, and growth factors regulate our fat tissue, just as they do everything else in the human body, and that we do not get fat because we overeat: we get fat because the carbohydrates in our diet make us fat. The science tells us that obesity is ultimately the result of a hormonal imbalance, not a caloric one--specifically, the stimulation of insulin secretion caused by eating easily digestible, carbohydrate-rich foods: refined carbohydrates, including flour and cereal grains, starchy vegetables such as potatoes, and sugars, like sucrose (table sugar) and high-fructose corn syrup. These carbohydrates literally make us fat, and by driving us to accumulate fat, they make us hungrier and they make us sedentary." pg 23. Why we get fat and what we can do about it . Gary Taubes
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

1
 

Tomorrow Begins Week 5

Today wasn't my best day food wise I was okay no over eating. I just have a lot of emotions and financial worries so I feel depressed. But I am trying to list in my head all my blessings. I really have only one complaint and thousands of blessings so it puts things in proper perspective. I am so used to numbing out or distracting myself with food and now that it is not an option. I feel grateful for that, it is nice to have a clear head even if it can be painful, but pain forces me to choose a path and not be stuck in the same old place. I am going forward slowly but surely. So I choose to be grateful today, for my family, for dirty jokes, for computers, my dog, my love of books, my wonderful friends, and the list goes on. Well, week 5 begins tomorrow I can officially eat soft fruits and veggies so yay to that. I am looking forward to going swimming tomorrow. Monday was my first day back at work so grateful that no one was too evil to me on the phone. Tomorrow I go back praying for a quick 8 hours. I really want to find a different line of work sitting down 8 hours a day sucks and I am about done with it. I am staying for the remainder of the year for insurance reasons but after that I have to move on for my own health mental and physical. I don't have any weight lost to report since I don't own a scale. I don't want to be focused on the scale or my weight, I refuse to be upset by a number. I have no more pain and can walk 2 miles without dying and no more high blood pressure. My life is better after this surgery especially my health and that is awesome.   God Bless everyone everywhere, All my love, Linsey :wub:
rickgrimestwd

rickgrimestwd

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