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food addict that needs a fix

That is exactly how I feel right now. I feel like I am needing a fix of something, anything tasty. I know within 30 minutes flat I could have a batch of cookies whipped up and be sitting here with 2 dozen warm cookies and a big glass of milk but I also know that it would be a very dumb thing to do that I would regret immediately after consuming them. I am down to 206 now and if I eat junk tonight I will be right back up about 2 or 3 pounds again and I WILL NOT do that to myself. I would like to meet one person, anyone that may have said that WLS is the 'easy way out'. I wish they could sit here right now with me in this living room while they watched me agonize over wanting to eat junk. Then let them rethink their position on WLS being 'the easy way out'. I know I'm rambling but I need to:tongue:. Food addiction is just as bad as any other addiction...maybe even worse. If I was a pill head I could not just go into the kitchen and make some pills. UGH...I hate this feeling. I need to et up and do something but I do not want to pass the kitchen. Maybe I will just lay down on the couch for a little while. Maybe I will call one of my violet sistas for some support. That is what I am going to do. I feel a little better already by just typing this all out.:confused:
TracyK

TracyK

7
 

Finally! Next goal is...

I finally made it back to 209 which was my preIKE weight. WOW...I thought it would never come off! Now my next small goal is 19something. You will have to pull me off the ceiling when I hit that one again. This time it will have new meaning for me. New meaning in the respect of I do not have smoking to lean on anymore. I am not smoking AND I am losing the weight that I gained as a result of quitting. So, I am proving something huge to myself. I am a winner. I have not felt that way in a long time. I know yesterday I was frustrated...I am sure I will have more frustration to come because I am only human but for today I am a happy camper!
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

doing other things

Excuse me while I sit her and type to myself .:clap: Once again sitting here trying to figure out what to do other than eat. I never really realized how much I eat just out of pure boredom. I lost another pound so I am down to 211. I have 2 more pounds to lose until I get back to my pre-hurricane Ike weight. Then 30 more to get back to where I was in February.:rolleyes2: Happens to the best of us I guess. 30 pounds is better than 40 right? Heck yeah! I am really glad that the biggest loser is back on TV. I don't know why but it seems like I lose weight really well while that show is on. My daughters school starts back tomorrow. First day back since the hurricane. She does not wanna go at all. She loves staying with me. I love having her home but she has to go! Oh well I have babbled enough!
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

can you spell STUCK?!

TRACYK, that is how. I have been stuk on this 206 number for long enough. Thank goodness I am not depressed enough to EAT, but motivated enough NOT to eat! Should be starting TOM soon so I am scared to weigh because of retaining fluid. I will probably just weigh in the morning and then not weigh again until tom is gone. Wanna know what my downfall is? Enchiladas. OMG, they slide down the old pipes. This next part is for myself (to kick things around in my own head for therapy) and for newbie banded people. I have had more new people that read my blog ask questions like "I thought with the band we would not be able to eat this or that". Picture this...(for instance folks, k?) say I am a drug head. I want some pills really bad because I have been clean (a good bandster) for over a year but now I really really need to "get high". I will figure out any way I can to get that high. Shakes go down...ice cream goes down, cheesecake goes down, cookies go down. Get the picture? If you got/are getting the band to "save you" from the sinking ship, you might wanna realize that you have to do some swimming to help save yourself!. The band is VERY helpful in losing weight. I would not trade it for anything! It is my life preserver for when I get really tired an feel like I can't swim anymore. Ugh, that probably made sense to NObody but me. But, I know what I meant. lol I guess what I am saying is don't expect a miracle, BE the miracle!:angry_smile:
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

Bye bye 206

I did it....I finally did it! What a joyous occasion it was when I stepped on the scales this morning! 204.5. :confused: How is *that* for incentive to behave myself over the holidays? I never wanna see that dumb number again. I have so much to be thankful for. I am truly blessed. I have a Godsent family, I am healthier than I have ever been (even though I gained some weight back), I am a nonsmoker for the first Thanksgiving since 1983....my family is healthy, I have a great group of friends here on this site (shout out to the violets WOOT-WOOT)). I may not be rich in money but I am rich in every single other aspect of my life. What more can someone ask? OMG, I am going to sit here and make myself cry. There are so many people who are not as happy as I am right now. That breaks my heart. Some have lost loved ones this past year, some are homeless, jobless, so many scenarios. My heart goes out to them. I am counting my blessings. Whether I am 400 pounds or 130 pounds (yeah right), I am blessed. Thank you God. To anyone who might be reading this blog...have a wonderful Thanksgiving and do not eat anything you might regret on Friday. Make healthy choices. Now if I can practice what I preach I will be in business!! Once again....BYE BYE 206.....
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

bandster rules....forever

Wow, been a long time since being banded in April '07. Done really well, stopped smoking, gained some back and am losing it again. Fellow long time bandsters can probably agree with this from experience....it is a life long battle with the band as well as without. It is just easier to win a battle when you have a weapon. And the band is our weapon. BUT, do not break the rules and lay the weapon down cause then you are in trouble. You have to be vigilant, day in and day out unless you want to get beaten. For example, if you would have told me this time a year ago that I would gain back 40 pounds I would have called you a liar. Sure, I quit smoking and that was the main reason for the weight gain but I mean really...the band did not keep me from gaining weight....the band HELPS to LOSE weight. So, I learned the hard way. I learned a lesson that you would think is common sense? Yep, but it happens. I forgave myself. Now I know...I have to WORK it. I have to work it today AND I have to work it tomorrow. And tomorrow I will tell myself to work it the next day...and so on and so on. I have 2 rewards in this...#1 I still do not smoke anymore and #2 I am smarter about my weapon. OH and #3 I did not have to gain ALL the weight back to realize my mistakes. I stopped the bleeding in time. The first few months with 'the weapon' was tough...losing it twice and keeping it off is tougher. BUT, it is going to happen.:eek: Once I learned that this is my life with the band and I learned to accept it, life has gotten better. I went through the 'oh, screw this' phase. You know, the inner fat girl saying "eat it, its OK". I wish I would have woke up before I gained 40 pounds but it is what it is and I am changing it. Like my violet friend Judy says "its not how you run the race, its how you finish". True, and I am running right now:tongue2:
TracyK

TracyK

4
 

accountable tomorrow!

Wow, holidays and all the food accompanying it SUCK! I know I have gained some and since it is tom I am not weighing right now. I am a firm believer in "you can't fix what you won't acknowledge" (dr phil) but I will acknowledge it in a few days, k? lol I mean why get on the scales and depress myself right now? I will just be a really good girl and hope like hell I can loose back down to at least 207 before I get on them! Last time I got on scales they were 211.5 but that was the day before I started my period so I am praying for massive amount of water rentention :biggrin:. I froze the christmas cookies I made to get them out of my sight. Hmmm, maybe a handful of diet pills to get back on track after the holidays isn't a bad idea...:rolleyes2:. For the energy if not anything else. I am just rambling. My dr would not give them to me anyway since I am banded. I would feel like a major jackass asking anyway. Maybe dh can go get some:tongue2:. The only other kickstart idea I can think of is a swift kick from some of my violet friends. You would think having to buy fat girl clothes again to replace my skinny ones from last year would be incentive enough, right? It is. This is just temporary. I am a winner and I will win this one too!:rolleyes3: GO ME! :glare: Have a fantastic Christmas everyone and don't eat anything you don't wanna see on the scales....trust me!
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

a week later...and still stuck

Better stuck on 206 than gaining! How is THAT for an optimistic view?! :cursing: The good news is that yesterday I got TOM and this morning I was still at 206. So, with the bloating and water retention, I am holding 206....that is actually pretty fantastic. Maybe that means when aunt flow is gone I will lose some weight finally?:cursing: Just the thought makes me giddy inside. I hate plateaus. I did not think I would hit one again SO SOON. I thought I would hit one at like 193. Oh well, I will just hold my head up and GO GO GO!! DH is off work for the next couple of days and if I can just stay away from the evil things while he is off I will have it made. I have been thinking alot about thanksgiving...and I am not taking the day off of my "eating right". One day can really blow it for me and I am just not willing to do that right now being so close to onederland again. The thought of going up 3 or 4 pounds just because it is Thanksgiving is just stupid to me. SO not worth it.:angry_smile:
TracyK

TracyK

2
 

a loss is a loss

So today is the last day of May. Started out at 226.5 and lost 5 pounds for the month. I am perfectly fine with that. -5 is -5. Alot better than +5, ya know? This is the way I see it...5 pounds a month will get me back to where I wanna be by the holidays. What an added holiday gift to myself, right?! I went to the gym again today. I walked a couple of miles on the treadmill and did a mile on the bike thingy. :biggrin: I really need to get an IPod or an MP3 player. I am probably the only person in the free world that doesn't have one. So, mainly what I came to say is I am still doing what I promised to myself that I was gonna do...make myself better mentally & physically. Since there is no 'band' for the brain, I will just have to band my own brain. Reprogram myself. That is gonna be a long process but it i doable. Ya know....I can do this again. That is what I keep repeating to myself. So far I am believing it too! :thumbup:
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

4 is very acceptable!

Well I may have not rocktober like I thought but -4 is -4. I started October at 210 and I lost 4 pounds for the month. I could get down and depressed but I'm not because it is a negative and not a positive. The only time a negative number is not better than a positive is in a bank account, now THAT would suck! As far as weight though...If I would not have got back on track I would be back up to 230-240 by now. I am so proud of what I have NOT gained. I guess you would have to have lost it then gained it back and started to lose it again to understand what I mean. If I stay losing 4 pounds a month it will take until April (my 2nd bandiversary) to be back to where I was before. But that is OK because the time will pass anyway. I can either be working towards my goals or sliding further away from them while the time passes. Guarantee one thing...I will continue to work towards the goals. In April I will not be typing in this blog anything like "oh hell, if I would have just stayed with it I would be where I wanted to be". I WILL be typing, "thank God I decided to rededicate myself to this process cause I have done it once again!".:thumbup: To succeed and remain a non-smoker is SWEET! There will be challenges along the way but I am up for them. GO ME!!!!!!
TracyK

TracyK

3
 

2 months later...good news & bad news

Well now, lets see. Here it is, 2 months since my last blog entry (which was a really good one if I must admit it myself) and I just had to come and update. Good news....#1. the scale is going down. and #2. I only let it get up to 226 before I finally decided enough was enough. :thumbup: Bad news...I JUST NOW got the rejuvination I needed to restart my journey. But I guess that isnt really bad news, right? My husband and I have joined 24 hour fitness and tomorrow we have our first meetings with our personal trainers. This dream is going to become a reality again for me. This time focused on a goal I know I can reach because I have reached it once already. When I was first banded I had my goal set at 165 then just changed it to 16anything. I got down to 173 and for the life of me could not get those last 4 pounds off. I felt like a failure because I did not reach the NUMBER I wanted. Now I know what to do. Strive to feel good. If memory serves me correctly the 18somethings is when I could look in the mirror and think, "hmm, I look pretty good!". That is what I wanna be able to say again. So, this time I am not going to obsess over it. Another thing I am going to do differently is the way I eat. Before, I had gotten stuck in a rut, eating the same things (diet foods) over & over. This time I am going to use the band for what it can do for me. I am going to eat "normal" (ok relatively normal) foods and just listen to my band tell me when I am full. That way I am not depriving myself of tasty things, but focusing more on the quantity. At least, that is what I am going to try to do. If it doesn't work, I will try something else. :glare: Even if all I can get down is 4 bites, at least it will be 4 bites of something good, ya know? I dunno....what I DO know is I am going to make it. For sure. And I will blog more so I can be accountable :sad:. Go ME!
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

"rock"tober

That is what my mission is...to Rocktober. I am going to have a fantastic month (even if it kills me). My goal is to be back in onederland by Thanksgiving. That is approx 6 weeks away. Attainable? Sure it is. There is only one thing that can keep me from doing it....ME. So, with that being said, it is time to get off my ass and get to work! :thumbup: See ya!
TracyK

TracyK

1
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