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Finally! Next goal is...

I finally made it back to 209 which was my preIKE weight. WOW...I thought it would never come off! Now my next small goal is 19something. You will have to pull me off the ceiling when I hit that one again. This time it will have new meaning for me. New meaning in the respect of I do not have smoking to lean on anymore. I am not smoking AND I am losing the weight that I gained as a result of quitting. So, I am proving something huge to myself. I am a winner. I have not felt that way in a long time. I know yesterday I was frustrated...I am sure I will have more frustration to come because I am only human but for today I am a happy camper!
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

vent session~

Almost 2 weeks since I have been back on track. I STILL need to lose a pound to get to where I was before IKE. Come on...are you kidding me? I am busting my ass. I can gain 7 pounds in a week but only 6 has come off in 2 weeks? I know I should be proud....I am really but I am just beyond frustrated at myself. I guess over all it is a good thing I am going through this but .... OK, I have learned my lesson already! DAMN DAMN DAMN.....I just wanna be back where I was before I quit smoking! I wanna see 17something again more than anything and sometimes it starts looking hopeless! Today is one of those days. Will I run out and eat junk today?, no I won't. I just feel like throwing a huge titty baby fit! Nothing wrong with that, right? Better to throw a tantrum on a blog than eat ice cream, right? So, what is the light at the end of the tunnel for today? For today, the light is knowing for sure that if I had not gotten back on the band wagon I would more than likely be back up to 220-230. I stopped myself before it got even more out of control!! Whew....I feel better now. lol :tongue2:
TracyK

TracyK

2
 

"rock"tober

That is what my mission is...to Rocktober. I am going to have a fantastic month (even if it kills me). My goal is to be back in onederland by Thanksgiving. That is approx 6 weeks away. Attainable? Sure it is. There is only one thing that can keep me from doing it....ME. So, with that being said, it is time to get off my ass and get to work! :thumbup: See ya!
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

doing other things

Excuse me while I sit her and type to myself .:clap: Once again sitting here trying to figure out what to do other than eat. I never really realized how much I eat just out of pure boredom. I lost another pound so I am down to 211. I have 2 more pounds to lose until I get back to my pre-hurricane Ike weight. Then 30 more to get back to where I was in February.:rolleyes2: Happens to the best of us I guess. 30 pounds is better than 40 right? Heck yeah! I am really glad that the biggest loser is back on TV. I don't know why but it seems like I lose weight really well while that show is on. My daughters school starts back tomorrow. First day back since the hurricane. She does not wanna go at all. She loves staying with me. I love having her home but she has to go! Oh well I have babbled enough!
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

the same is better than up

Still at 212 this morning. I can handle it. If I would not have stopped the foolishness when i did I would be up to 220 by now so I am very happy.:rolleyes2: My paperback swap shop that i always went to is ruined because of Ike so now I am bookless:sad_smile:. Not good. I use books and sunflower seeds to keep my mind off smoking. Thursday Survivor starts! WOOT:w00t: I love that show. I am hopelessly devoted:wub: This has been pretty much a ramble about nothing post so I will just stop myself here.....
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

Sunday chatter...

I lost another pound of my hurricane evacuation weight. Down to 212 this morning! :clap: I watched something REALLY depressing last night. Informative, but depressing. It was that "YOU on a diet" show with Dr Oz. One of the 3 people they were putting on this diet was a woman my height 5'7 and she weighed 165 (my ultimate goal). Are you kidding me? They said that women overall should have a 32" waist or smaller. OK, so THAT isn't gonna happen....maybe a 32" thigh! It was just depressing to see them start with a subject that weighs what my goal weight is! UGH...:rolleyes2: That aside, it was an informative show. If I went and emptied my cabinets of all the dangerous "bad" items my cabinets would probably be almost empty! Sure gives me food for thought.
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

no snack...are you kidding me?

I made it...I actually made it. I went snackless last night. I guess the 'typing instead of eating' worked! Down another pound this morning. So what if it is fluid. A pound of fluid weighs the same as a pound of fat, it is still a pound any way you slice it, right?:cursing: I know after I get on a roll again with the weight loss and recatch the "nothing can stop me" attitude I will get back down to my almost-goal weight. Hard to believe I was only 4 pounds away from goal then I blew it. Well, not really because that is when I quit smoking. It has been 6 months now since a cigarette...go ME! But...gaining this much is not OK with me. I will be happy if I get back to 17something. I feel great at that weight and look pretty damn good too. Or at least I think I do and that is what matters to me. To be back at 17something and a non smoker I will consider myself a true winner. So that means I have to lose 34 pounds to get to 179 then I will take it from there. First mini-goal is to be in onederland again. That is 13.5 away. I was just thinking...when I saw the scale crawling up...when it got to 19something I thought omg...and I just threw caution to the wind and said screw it. When I saw 20something I thought...I sure wish I would have stopped this when I was 19something. Now today I am thinking, there is now way I am going to be at 22something thinking I wish I would have stopped this at 21something. I am putting an end to this foolishness now. I keep hearing Dr. Phil in my head saying "you are drinking Mocha Java Chillers from sonic and you think that is OK, are you kidding me?" Looking back at when I was first banded I wish I would have done something differently. I wish I had taken this process slower. I lost almost to goal within about 10 months. I went all or nothing full speed ahead and never cut myself any slack. Then when I DID cut myself some slack I went (excuse the term) hog wild. Well, this time I am going to do it differently. I am going to take things slower. I am not in a race to get the 30 something pounds off. I am just going to make sure the scales go down and not up. I will get there eventually.:frown:
TracyK

TracyK

5
 

typing instead of eating....

Ok, so I will just type in my blog instead of munching. I wish I would have never found that easy peanut butter cookie recipe. Ugh, I mean really...my favorite cookie in the whole world and I can literally have a hot batch made, with prep time to consumption only kill about 20 minutes and that includes clean up! lol Last night dh really did not help matters. I kind of half heartedly laughed to myself....he asked what and I told him that my inner fat girl had something to say and was thinking evil thoughts.....long story short, we had a batch whipped up in no time! :cursing: I like the little saying "I have a thin person inside me screaming to get out. But, I can normally shut her up with chocolate cake." So, can you tell yet that I am really fighting off the munchies? I mean EVERY night at this time I have a hard time. Thank God for sunflower seeds. I am glad I found out how many calories are in wine. Now there is no fear of becoming an alcoholic.:tt1: The good news is I have lost 2 of the 7 pounds I gained during the evacuation. WOOT:w00t:! I wish weight came off as fast as it comes on. Pretty bad when you hope for a small stomach virus or something to get the weight loss kick started. Oh well, I will just keep on doing what I am doing. I know HOW for goodness sake! Done it before, now I will do it again. :frown:
TracyK

TracyK

2
 

Post ike

Here I am a week later and 7 pounds higher. The hurricane crossed directly over our house. While we were on evacuation, I ate things I should not have. My husband took a picture of me with my daughter and I can tell in the pic that I am getting fat again. I have gained about 40 pounds since I stopped smoking in March. Anyway, we got our electricity back on yesterday when we came back home. We were very lucky because we had no property damage. We lost everything in our freezer which really hurts the wallet but I can handle it. It could have been so much worse. I am really glad I did not live in Galveston anymore. I would have been homeless for sure! I am all ready to start this thing all over again. I have new resolve this time. :cursing: So...bye bye 215.5:thumbup:
TracyK

TracyK

4
 

Hurricane Ike

Wow, we are really in for some trouble over here! I did not really ever think about the possibility of not having anywhere to live before. How scary. I have been stress eating. I am a basket case. I feel like a jersey cow. I want to cry but I an't because I do not want to scare my daughter. So, I will just keep holding it in. When I do finally get the chance to cry it is going to be such a tear fest! I wish I could get this lump out of my throat. I need to get up and pack so we can get out of here. Hmmm, hope moms house is far enough!:thumbup: Pray for us that we mke it through this unscathed. (and pray the the ready to eat meals that they hand out to the storm victims aren't too fattening!) LOL gotta laugh, right?!
TracyK

TracyK

2
 

Saturday morning

Good Saturday morning! I was down another pound yesterday but am not going to weigh this morning. Just feel kind of fat today so I will skip it. Don't wanna bring myself down. I sure wish I still fell under the 'free fills for a year' catagory! I really do need probably .3 or so. Funny how such a small amount can make such a huge difference. Oh well, I have to suck it up for another month or so. The good news is that yesterday for the first time in a long time, my stomach actually growled. That is actually a good thing cause that means I am doing something right. We have the kids (my 2 step- children) over this weekend. Macy loes when her bubba and sissy are here. They are all growing up so fast. DSD is in high school this year! DSS is 9. Wow, amazing how fast time flies. Yesterday dd had to bring a dozen eggs to school to make green eggs & ham. When she got off the school bus I asked her how she liked the green eggs & ham and she said they were yucky and tasted like grass. LOL She had fun making them though. Not too much on the agenda this weekend. Just gonna try to hang out and relax. These are the times it is hard to make good food choices. I can do it though:huh2: (she says with uncertainty)
TracyK

TracyK

2
 

Nothing wrong with starting over!

First blog ever...how cool is that?! Hmmmm, this is not meant to scare anyone off of WLS but I am going to write what I am going through and it is mainly meant for my own theraputic purposes. If someone reads it and it helps them along the way, then wonderful. If it seriously disturbs someone, at least I can not get sued for it! HA! :smile: By the way, it i my blog so if there is a typo, deal with it.   So it has been coming on 6 months now that I have not had a cigarette. The scales show it too. On Sunday I was up to 212.5 (after being down to 175 in February). I decided (again) that was IT. Then i eally set my min to it again yesterday. I cried all day yesterday and then I really realized I needed to forgive myself. I feel SO fat. I feel fatter now than when I weighed 300 pounds. Weird but true. I was feeling like I had gained it all back. Then I realized that I needed to remind myself that I have FAR from gained it all back....soooooo I decided to put on my hoochie mama shorts I bought for our violet trip in May and a sports bra. I stood there and looked at myself in the mirror and then BAM...it hit me (bam not Pam, lol). I still look good. I mean, not great, but not horrible. I would have never worn that around the house before but here I am now, 30 or so pounds up from where I was and I still look OK. So, now I am thinking to myself..."omg, I can still win this thing!". VOILA...here I am with my "new attitude 101" class going on! WOOT This morning I was down o 209! There IS light at the end of the tunnel...I CAN still finish this thing, AND stay a non smoker. I can do this. My new phrase is, "failure is no accident, neither is success". I control me. I control what I stick in my mouth. When I fall down, I pick myself up (with the help of some special violet friends). I kow I have probably said all of this before but better to say it too much than to never say it at all, right? I am glad that I put on some skinny clothes and reminded myself that I am not back where I was at the very beginning. So now, I have forgiven myself. I am just going to try to convince myself (for the time being) that this is a new journey I am beginning. That this is the first time I have tried to get to onederland. This time it will make it that much more sweet for me. This time it will have new meaning to me because I know how easily it can be lost again! Can I get an AMEN?!
TracyK

TracyK

3
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