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food for thought

OK so here I am, 3 or so months past the hoidays when I practically ruined myself...and I am still in a holding pattern of somewhere between 216 and 222. WTF? Then, last night I was watching TV and I had an AHA moment, a revelation...(key up the choir here)...lol A commercial came on and it was for Chilis food chain....there were pics of burgers and all kinds of yummy fattening foods and everything, I mean EVERYTHING they showed on the commercials, I can not eat because of my band and I know I would PB. So I got to thinking about it...I am gaining weight (maintaining this higher weight) on the same 2 bad food choices that slide down the pipes....cookies and ice cream. NOT a variety of loads of wonderful fattening food, but the SAME 2 FOODS. Not even exciting to me anymore to tell the truth. So the only conclusion I come to is I must be retarded...I am standing in my way of my own success by cheating with the same things over & over again?!! It wasn't even FUN gaining some of this weight back. Oh at first it tasted good and I was like YUM YUM :thumbup:....now, I am just like purposely hurting myself and I just don't get it. Are you kidding me? So, now, what to do? Seems like now that I know I am doing stupid things I can just stop, right? :confused: Seems to me the first step is getting rid of those 2 evils. That is what I am going to do. Wish me luck because right now I am at the crucial point. Things will either go extremely right or extremely wrong from here. I am an emotional wreck. So, if you are reading this, pray for me...I need it. I need my mind to heal and I need to forgive myself for regaining some weight and start over. I will let you know what happens. I know I can not do it alone but sometimes I feel like I have burdened enough people with my dieting (or lack of it). Jesus help me. PS to the newbies...no disrespect, but please spare me your views on the subject...no I do not need a fill. For you all I can say is remember the band is a tool, not a cure. Best of luck!!
TracyK

TracyK

9
 

food addict that needs a fix

That is exactly how I feel right now. I feel like I am needing a fix of something, anything tasty. I know within 30 minutes flat I could have a batch of cookies whipped up and be sitting here with 2 dozen warm cookies and a big glass of milk but I also know that it would be a very dumb thing to do that I would regret immediately after consuming them. I am down to 206 now and if I eat junk tonight I will be right back up about 2 or 3 pounds again and I WILL NOT do that to myself. I would like to meet one person, anyone that may have said that WLS is the 'easy way out'. I wish they could sit here right now with me in this living room while they watched me agonize over wanting to eat junk. Then let them rethink their position on WLS being 'the easy way out'. I know I'm rambling but I need to:tongue:. Food addiction is just as bad as any other addiction...maybe even worse. If I was a pill head I could not just go into the kitchen and make some pills. UGH...I hate this feeling. I need to et up and do something but I do not want to pass the kitchen. Maybe I will just lay down on the couch for a little while. Maybe I will call one of my violet sistas for some support. That is what I am going to do. I feel a little better already by just typing this all out.:confused:
TracyK

TracyK

7
 

Forgive me father for I have sinned...

It's been a long time since my last confession. DH made some peanut butter cookies last night and I ate about 6. Ugh...they are probably in the neighborhood of 180 calories each. I admit it, I am part stupid. Here is the great part...I ate them and now I have had my "fix" and I am over it for the week. :confused: So it is Monday, a new week, I probably have the same 3 pounds to lose to get back to my 206 low (thanks to the cookies). I did not weigh this morning but I have sabatoged myself enough in the past to know that I should wait to get on the scales:wink2:. I really want to be back in onederland for Thanksgiving but I am not going to beat myself up if I can't do it. I know that I will get there...I will just keep on keepin' on. My big goal is to at least be back in the 17somethings when we have our 2nd annual violet get together in the summer of '09. I refuse to go weighing MORE than last time. I have plenty of time to do it, so there are no excuses. It is a beautiful day here so I am gonna go for a walk :tt2:
TracyK

TracyK

7
 

YAY, no tastebuds!

Never thought I would see the day that I would be thankful to have a cold and no sense of taste! Sure makes it easy to eat right! I am trying really hard to not let myself think things like 'this time last year I was @ 173 (my lowest weight). I am trying to focus on what I need to do to get back there...or at least to 18something. So, had gotten up to 223 now I am back down to 216. About 30 more pounds to re-lose. Not as easy as the first time when I when I smoked. Truth of the matter is I had gotten very depressed when I realized that i would more than likely NOT be able to have a TT done any time soon. It was a real downer to realize that after all the hard work I did to lose the weight, when I got undressed, I still looked horrible with the sagging apron...I felt like I did it for nothing. Depressing. So depressing that I was sent in a downward spiral of not really caring anymore. So, I ate, and ate, and ate. Now, looking back on it, knowing what I know now, how I look now....I looked great. TT or no TT. When I first lost the weight I felt invinsible. I was happ, energetic, proud of myself (THAT is the big one). I want that feeling again. I will have that feeling again. May take longer getting there than before, but that is OK. The time will pass anyway and at least I will spend it working towards my goal. That is alot better than the other alternative, that is...letting the time pass and realizing later that I am the same or worse off than I am now. Time for me to be my own hero..again :thumbup:
TracyK

TracyK

6
 

stress=unfill

Me again. A few days ago at 230.5 now at 227.5. I need to post on my blog more because it really is theraputic for me. I had stopped for a while because it is bad enough knowing I am failing at this band thing much less letting everyone else know I am failing but I decided I am going to my best not to fail anymore. I had done very well since the last blog and lost 15 pounds then regained all 15 plus 5 so here I am again. Since the beginning of summer I have been beyond stressed. And you veteran bandsters know what stress does to your band...tightens it. Well, needless to say absolutely everything I would try to eat would ot go down so in turn, feeling even more depressed would turn to the one thing that I could eat AND it would make me happy (or so I thought)...ice cream. Ice cream is my drug of choice.For the past couple of months that is what I have survived on, ice cream and oatmeal. Then the other day (after countless episodes like this) myself and my family went out to eat dinner and once again after the first few bites I was stuck. I started to cry sitting right there in the booth. I had been contemplating an unfill and at this moment I realized I had to take control of my life. I picked up my cell phone and called my dr and asked when I could come in for an unfill and lucky me...I went right then. Just being in that office again after a little over a year made me feel better, saner, safer. Gave me a new resolve. The nurse held me as I cried and told me that this happens to more people than you can imagine and together we will 'fix it'. I had gained 46 pounds since I was there in March of '08. BUT I am still not smoking and that is huge considering that here lately I have thought about it alot. But I am not going to start again just to lose weight. With my luck I would end up just being a fat smoker again. The first salad I got to eat after my unfill had to be the best tasting thing I had ever eaten in my life! No Joke! Now I am able to actually eat small portions of food and keep it down and not have to depend on junk. Yesterday I went to subway and got a 6" turkey sandwich and I swear that was the best sandwich ever! :thumbup: I am going to probably get a fill again the first part of November, you know, right before the holidays :blushing:. If my stress level is still high, I will just get a small fill. If you are reading this, please pray for me that I continue to make good choices. I believe in the power of prayer. I am going to continue to blog. It really is helpful to me. Admitting things and putting them in black and white makes it more real. So, once again, here I go. :biggrin:
TracyK

TracyK

6
 

no snack...are you kidding me?

I made it...I actually made it. I went snackless last night. I guess the 'typing instead of eating' worked! Down another pound this morning. So what if it is fluid. A pound of fluid weighs the same as a pound of fat, it is still a pound any way you slice it, right?:cursing: I know after I get on a roll again with the weight loss and recatch the "nothing can stop me" attitude I will get back down to my almost-goal weight. Hard to believe I was only 4 pounds away from goal then I blew it. Well, not really because that is when I quit smoking. It has been 6 months now since a cigarette...go ME! But...gaining this much is not OK with me. I will be happy if I get back to 17something. I feel great at that weight and look pretty damn good too. Or at least I think I do and that is what matters to me. To be back at 17something and a non smoker I will consider myself a true winner. So that means I have to lose 34 pounds to get to 179 then I will take it from there. First mini-goal is to be in onederland again. That is 13.5 away. I was just thinking...when I saw the scale crawling up...when it got to 19something I thought omg...and I just threw caution to the wind and said screw it. When I saw 20something I thought...I sure wish I would have stopped this when I was 19something. Now today I am thinking, there is now way I am going to be at 22something thinking I wish I would have stopped this at 21something. I am putting an end to this foolishness now. I keep hearing Dr. Phil in my head saying "you are drinking Mocha Java Chillers from sonic and you think that is OK, are you kidding me?" Looking back at when I was first banded I wish I would have done something differently. I wish I had taken this process slower. I lost almost to goal within about 10 months. I went all or nothing full speed ahead and never cut myself any slack. Then when I DID cut myself some slack I went (excuse the term) hog wild. Well, this time I am going to do it differently. I am going to take things slower. I am not in a race to get the 30 something pounds off. I am just going to make sure the scales go down and not up. I will get there eventually.:frown:
TracyK

TracyK

5
 

just babbling

Some days I think I really wish I would have had gastric bypass. Then I think about some of the people I know that had it done and they are still struggling as well. But, at least they get to GOAL before they have issues (or at least it seems like they do). I would be paranoid about the long term damage RNY would be. Unless they come out with something to fix the addiction/brain part of it, I am just gonna have to fight it my whole life the hard way. Band or no band, I can gain or lose. True, it is easier with the band but that too can be sabatoged. Found that out the hard way. So much BS going through my brain. BUT, I am about to go to the grocery store and I will buy sugar free ice cream this time instead of the real stuff. I will buy some sunflower seeds instead of cookies and chips. I can do this...I have to fix me before it gets to where I feel like it is not fixable anymore.
TracyK

TracyK

4
 

bandster rules....forever

Wow, been a long time since being banded in April '07. Done really well, stopped smoking, gained some back and am losing it again. Fellow long time bandsters can probably agree with this from experience....it is a life long battle with the band as well as without. It is just easier to win a battle when you have a weapon. And the band is our weapon. BUT, do not break the rules and lay the weapon down cause then you are in trouble. You have to be vigilant, day in and day out unless you want to get beaten. For example, if you would have told me this time a year ago that I would gain back 40 pounds I would have called you a liar. Sure, I quit smoking and that was the main reason for the weight gain but I mean really...the band did not keep me from gaining weight....the band HELPS to LOSE weight. So, I learned the hard way. I learned a lesson that you would think is common sense? Yep, but it happens. I forgave myself. Now I know...I have to WORK it. I have to work it today AND I have to work it tomorrow. And tomorrow I will tell myself to work it the next day...and so on and so on. I have 2 rewards in this...#1 I still do not smoke anymore and #2 I am smarter about my weapon. OH and #3 I did not have to gain ALL the weight back to realize my mistakes. I stopped the bleeding in time. The first few months with 'the weapon' was tough...losing it twice and keeping it off is tougher. BUT, it is going to happen.:eek: Once I learned that this is my life with the band and I learned to accept it, life has gotten better. I went through the 'oh, screw this' phase. You know, the inner fat girl saying "eat it, its OK". I wish I would have woke up before I gained 40 pounds but it is what it is and I am changing it. Like my violet friend Judy says "its not how you run the race, its how you finish". True, and I am running right now:tongue2:
TracyK

TracyK

4
 

Post ike

Here I am a week later and 7 pounds higher. The hurricane crossed directly over our house. While we were on evacuation, I ate things I should not have. My husband took a picture of me with my daughter and I can tell in the pic that I am getting fat again. I have gained about 40 pounds since I stopped smoking in March. Anyway, we got our electricity back on yesterday when we came back home. We were very lucky because we had no property damage. We lost everything in our freezer which really hurts the wallet but I can handle it. It could have been so much worse. I am really glad I did not live in Galveston anymore. I would have been homeless for sure! I am all ready to start this thing all over again. I have new resolve this time. :cursing: So...bye bye 215.5:thumbup:
TracyK

TracyK

4
 

nothing really

Still 206 after 5 or 6 weeks...oh well, at least it isn't 207 :cool: I am in the baking mood so I am gonna go bake some thanksgiving desserts. I am glad that I am not craving sweets right now. That would be a disaster. My daughter loves to bake with me though and we hardly ever get to do it so it will be loads of fun. I may even take some pics and post them. I really have this feeling that either tomorrow or Thanksgiving morning I will get on the scales and be under 206....like 205.5 then be too paranoid to actually enjoy Thanksgiving. Oh well, it would give me one more thing to be thankful for!! I wanted to be back in onederland but I guess it just wasn't meant to be. :confused:
TracyK

TracyK

4
 

wonder why I am stressed?

Just found out today that my step daughter (15 year old) has been having an internet boyfriend that lives WAY in another state. How scary is that? When we ask her about it today she (finally) told the truth...then proceeds to tell us that he has been telling her that she is the one he wants to be with and that he is coming to Texas....God help us! So, needless to say his number is blocked. Lets hope it ends there.   BUT, I haven't run the the fridge yet!
TracyK

TracyK

3
 

TODAY I am doing good

Nothing witty, no self pity, no more tears. I am just taking today as one day and tomorrow will be one more and so on and so on. Yesterday I did really well with my eating. Today I am doing extremely well. Funny how when dh is working I can do really well. Shows ya how our worlds and 'fun' revolve around food. I have lost a couple of pounds that I had gained over the past week or 2. I am injured (neck & shoulder) and the past week I have have eaten out of self pity I guess. Made me feel good, I won't lie about it. Now I am still injured & weigh more. Jesus, does it ever end? I mean really? SO...what I am going to do is the one day at a time thing. I have to do it that way. For today I am going to make good choices. For today I will move around and get more exercise than normal. For today I will not beat myself up for gaining weight over the past ...year. (almost) :thumbup:. It is what it is. Today I can do my part to repair me. Today I applied the bandaid to stop the bleeding I have caused. Tomorrow I will wake up and apply a new bandaid. I can heal myself, one day at a time. That's that.
TracyK

TracyK

3
 

yay, holidays are over!!

Now, back to the reality of it all. Amazing how much a month can change a person. I gained 15 pounds in a month...from 204.5 to 219.5 BUT...have lost back down to 212.5 since 12/27/08. Wow, this is the year I do it. I lose this weight once and for all. Yes, I have done it before but it is different this time....this time I am a nonsmoker and am losing the weight. A double threat woman! I sure did put back some food over the past month! Whew....between cooking and baking I ate ALOT and the scale shows it. But that is the past and this is my now. Fun and games is over. I had said before...I am an all or nothing type of woman. I either go full speed ahead or do not go at all. Well, the role model bandster is back and I sure have missed her. No sodas, rice, bread or pasta. I did it for a year, lost down to 173, took 9 months off (when I quit smoking) and gained 46 pounds...now it is back to business time again. Funny how when I actually made up my mind to start again how easily I jumped back on the wagon and following the rules. AND with enthusiasm. THAT is the key. If you cannot get excited and fired up about what ou are doing, do not even try. And I am fired up....ready....finally. I guess just the realization of "it is what it is"...with "you can't fix what you don't acknowledge" (and all my clothes mysterously shrinking) is just the kick in the pants I needed. I saw 219.5 and thought 'oh hell no'. So, here I go again...THIS time will be more rewarding than the first. WATCH ME GO!
TracyK

TracyK

3
 

4 is very acceptable!

Well I may have not rocktober like I thought but -4 is -4. I started October at 210 and I lost 4 pounds for the month. I could get down and depressed but I'm not because it is a negative and not a positive. The only time a negative number is not better than a positive is in a bank account, now THAT would suck! As far as weight though...If I would not have got back on track I would be back up to 230-240 by now. I am so proud of what I have NOT gained. I guess you would have to have lost it then gained it back and started to lose it again to understand what I mean. If I stay losing 4 pounds a month it will take until April (my 2nd bandiversary) to be back to where I was before. But that is OK because the time will pass anyway. I can either be working towards my goals or sliding further away from them while the time passes. Guarantee one thing...I will continue to work towards the goals. In April I will not be typing in this blog anything like "oh hell, if I would have just stayed with it I would be where I wanted to be". I WILL be typing, "thank God I decided to rededicate myself to this process cause I have done it once again!".:thumbup: To succeed and remain a non-smoker is SWEET! There will be challenges along the way but I am up for them. GO ME!!!!!!
TracyK

TracyK

3
 

Nothing wrong with starting over!

First blog ever...how cool is that?! Hmmmm, this is not meant to scare anyone off of WLS but I am going to write what I am going through and it is mainly meant for my own theraputic purposes. If someone reads it and it helps them along the way, then wonderful. If it seriously disturbs someone, at least I can not get sued for it! HA! :smile: By the way, it i my blog so if there is a typo, deal with it.   So it has been coming on 6 months now that I have not had a cigarette. The scales show it too. On Sunday I was up to 212.5 (after being down to 175 in February). I decided (again) that was IT. Then i eally set my min to it again yesterday. I cried all day yesterday and then I really realized I needed to forgive myself. I feel SO fat. I feel fatter now than when I weighed 300 pounds. Weird but true. I was feeling like I had gained it all back. Then I realized that I needed to remind myself that I have FAR from gained it all back....soooooo I decided to put on my hoochie mama shorts I bought for our violet trip in May and a sports bra. I stood there and looked at myself in the mirror and then BAM...it hit me (bam not Pam, lol). I still look good. I mean, not great, but not horrible. I would have never worn that around the house before but here I am now, 30 or so pounds up from where I was and I still look OK. So, now I am thinking to myself..."omg, I can still win this thing!". VOILA...here I am with my "new attitude 101" class going on! WOOT This morning I was down o 209! There IS light at the end of the tunnel...I CAN still finish this thing, AND stay a non smoker. I can do this. My new phrase is, "failure is no accident, neither is success". I control me. I control what I stick in my mouth. When I fall down, I pick myself up (with the help of some special violet friends). I kow I have probably said all of this before but better to say it too much than to never say it at all, right? I am glad that I put on some skinny clothes and reminded myself that I am not back where I was at the very beginning. So now, I have forgiven myself. I am just going to try to convince myself (for the time being) that this is a new journey I am beginning. That this is the first time I have tried to get to onederland. This time it will make it that much more sweet for me. This time it will have new meaning to me because I know how easily it can be lost again! Can I get an AMEN?!
TracyK

TracyK

3
 

Saturday morning

Good Saturday morning! I was down another pound yesterday but am not going to weigh this morning. Just feel kind of fat today so I will skip it. Don't wanna bring myself down. I sure wish I still fell under the 'free fills for a year' catagory! I really do need probably .3 or so. Funny how such a small amount can make such a huge difference. Oh well, I have to suck it up for another month or so. The good news is that yesterday for the first time in a long time, my stomach actually growled. That is actually a good thing cause that means I am doing something right. We have the kids (my 2 step- children) over this weekend. Macy loes when her bubba and sissy are here. They are all growing up so fast. DSD is in high school this year! DSS is 9. Wow, amazing how fast time flies. Yesterday dd had to bring a dozen eggs to school to make green eggs & ham. When she got off the school bus I asked her how she liked the green eggs & ham and she said they were yucky and tasted like grass. LOL She had fun making them though. Not too much on the agenda this weekend. Just gonna try to hang out and relax. These are the times it is hard to make good food choices. I can do it though:huh2: (she says with uncertainty)
TracyK

TracyK

2
 

a week later...and still stuck

Better stuck on 206 than gaining! How is THAT for an optimistic view?! :cursing: The good news is that yesterday I got TOM and this morning I was still at 206. So, with the bloating and water retention, I am holding 206....that is actually pretty fantastic. Maybe that means when aunt flow is gone I will lose some weight finally?:cursing: Just the thought makes me giddy inside. I hate plateaus. I did not think I would hit one again SO SOON. I thought I would hit one at like 193. Oh well, I will just hold my head up and GO GO GO!! DH is off work for the next couple of days and if I can just stay away from the evil things while he is off I will have it made. I have been thinking alot about thanksgiving...and I am not taking the day off of my "eating right". One day can really blow it for me and I am just not willing to do that right now being so close to onederland again. The thought of going up 3 or 4 pounds just because it is Thanksgiving is just stupid to me. SO not worth it.:angry_smile:
TracyK

TracyK

2
 

Hurricane Ike

Wow, we are really in for some trouble over here! I did not really ever think about the possibility of not having anywhere to live before. How scary. I have been stress eating. I am a basket case. I feel like a jersey cow. I want to cry but I an't because I do not want to scare my daughter. So, I will just keep holding it in. When I do finally get the chance to cry it is going to be such a tear fest! I wish I could get this lump out of my throat. I need to get up and pack so we can get out of here. Hmmm, hope moms house is far enough!:thumbup: Pray for us that we mke it through this unscathed. (and pray the the ready to eat meals that they hand out to the storm victims aren't too fattening!) LOL gotta laugh, right?!
TracyK

TracyK

2
 

no witty title

I am just not in the mood to think up a witty title to this blog. lol I have not had my first full cup of coffee and am not feeling that creative at this point. It is 6:20 AM and I have been up since 4:00 AM. Stress is a factor but I will not bore anyone with the details other than to say tomorrow will make us or break us. I will be either VERY happy or VERY disgusted once I hear some news we have been waiting for. Ugh, the waiting is brutal. Then again, we have been waiting for 4 years. So, all day yesterday I cleaned and cleaned to keep my mind busy. I even shampoo'd the carpet! I baked a cake for my moms b-day and she will be here today bringing home my daughter so they can have cake while they are here. I will just taste it to see if the cake from scratch came out OK. I can bake and just taste it. I will not over-do it. It is theraputic. Kind of like getting the feeling of cheating but not really. I am going to make lasagna for them too. Just because I can't have it doesn't mean they can't. It will keep me occupied anyway. Yesterday I made 8 months without smoking. 8 MONTHS!! Unbelievable! :wub: I still think about it alot but not near as much as I used to. I have come too far to start smoking again. I would have to be retarded to do that.   HEY...still stuck at 206 but I guess you knew that already. Wow, today is the 16th and I weigh the same as the 1st. UGH...but at least it is not up, right? I have high hopes...I think tomorrow or the next day is when the scale will finally go down. The power of positive thinking will do wonders for me in the next day or 2...weight wise and good news wise:biggrin:
TracyK

TracyK

2
 

PG-13 post (V,L no nudity though)

If you don't wanna read the tantrum, just stop here.... DAMN DAMN DAMN.... :dita: I am SO tired of this. I am so sick of weighing the same thing that I could throw up :puke: I have worked and worked and worked. This it the part that makes me the sickest...I am going to have to work this hard just to maintain?! Are you fuc*ing kidding me? For real? Whatever! :ugh: :yikes: I enjoy one day of eating what most people would think is a little to a normal amount of 'normal' food and I gain 4 pounds?! WTF?? I can go right now and eat ONE (1) beef enchilada, some rice and chips and gain 5 fu*kin' pounds and it takes a week (or longer) to get it off. I am not band bashing. I thank God for the band. If it weren't for the band I could eat a helluvalot more than 1 enchilada. But give me a break already! The realization that this is my life just BITES sometimes and today is one of those days. Some people reading this are probably like...206 isn't bad...what does she have to bitch about? I'll tell you...I was down to 173 at one point. Yes, I quit smoking, yes I am proud of that but COME ON!!! I am proud that I stopped gaining when I did but still....everyone has the right to be pissed every once in a while. :cursing::banghead::willy_nilly::incazzato::prrr::cryin: I am just tired. But you know what? At this point all it does is make my resolve stronger. One fine day I will get on that scale and I will be in onederland again and HALLELUJAH....I live for that day!
TracyK

TracyK

2
 

typing instead of eating....

Ok, so I will just type in my blog instead of munching. I wish I would have never found that easy peanut butter cookie recipe. Ugh, I mean really...my favorite cookie in the whole world and I can literally have a hot batch made, with prep time to consumption only kill about 20 minutes and that includes clean up! lol Last night dh really did not help matters. I kind of half heartedly laughed to myself....he asked what and I told him that my inner fat girl had something to say and was thinking evil thoughts.....long story short, we had a batch whipped up in no time! :cursing: I like the little saying "I have a thin person inside me screaming to get out. But, I can normally shut her up with chocolate cake." So, can you tell yet that I am really fighting off the munchies? I mean EVERY night at this time I have a hard time. Thank God for sunflower seeds. I am glad I found out how many calories are in wine. Now there is no fear of becoming an alcoholic.:tt1: The good news is I have lost 2 of the 7 pounds I gained during the evacuation. WOOT:w00t:! I wish weight came off as fast as it comes on. Pretty bad when you hope for a small stomach virus or something to get the weight loss kick started. Oh well, I will just keep on doing what I am doing. I know HOW for goodness sake! Done it before, now I will do it again. :frown:
TracyK

TracyK

2
 

vent session~

Almost 2 weeks since I have been back on track. I STILL need to lose a pound to get to where I was before IKE. Come on...are you kidding me? I am busting my ass. I can gain 7 pounds in a week but only 6 has come off in 2 weeks? I know I should be proud....I am really but I am just beyond frustrated at myself. I guess over all it is a good thing I am going through this but .... OK, I have learned my lesson already! DAMN DAMN DAMN.....I just wanna be back where I was before I quit smoking! I wanna see 17something again more than anything and sometimes it starts looking hopeless! Today is one of those days. Will I run out and eat junk today?, no I won't. I just feel like throwing a huge titty baby fit! Nothing wrong with that, right? Better to throw a tantrum on a blog than eat ice cream, right? So, what is the light at the end of the tunnel for today? For today, the light is knowing for sure that if I had not gotten back on the band wagon I would more than likely be back up to 220-230. I stopped myself before it got even more out of control!! Whew....I feel better now. lol :tongue2:
TracyK

TracyK

2
 

weigh/wait to weigh

208.5 this morning. This is the huge question for me right now. I normally weigh everyday. That is what I have been doing so far. I need the accountability. But we all know that when you weigh every day you can fluctuate up and down each day and it can be a real downer. What I think I will do is...since I think I will weigh the same tomorrow I will just put the scales in the closet until say....ummmm....Wednesday or Thursday. Some people go a week without weighing. I can't do that because my fat girl mind starts sayin' things like "you do not have to weigh for 6 more days so you can cheat today and then you still have 5 more days to make up for it". Or, I can just do the every other day weigh in thing. I dunno....I just do not wanna see the same number day after day. :tongue2: I am over exerting my brain. Does anyone have any thoughts? Please comment to let me know if you have any great ideas! I am in need of a great idea:blush:
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

a loss is a loss

So today is the last day of May. Started out at 226.5 and lost 5 pounds for the month. I am perfectly fine with that. -5 is -5. Alot better than +5, ya know? This is the way I see it...5 pounds a month will get me back to where I wanna be by the holidays. What an added holiday gift to myself, right?! I went to the gym again today. I walked a couple of miles on the treadmill and did a mile on the bike thingy. :biggrin: I really need to get an IPod or an MP3 player. I am probably the only person in the free world that doesn't have one. So, mainly what I came to say is I am still doing what I promised to myself that I was gonna do...make myself better mentally & physically. Since there is no 'band' for the brain, I will just have to band my own brain. Reprogram myself. That is gonna be a long process but it i doable. Ya know....I can do this again. That is what I keep repeating to myself. So far I am believing it too! :thumbup:
TracyK

TracyK

1
 

positive change

I sure have learned alot about changes and the positive affect they can make in your life. Talk about relieved, and feel GOOD! I will miss a handful of people however. I like to keep it REAL and surround myself with people that do the same. So far since I got an unfill I have lost 5 pounds and it has been wonderful. Actually being able to eat healthy things, keeping it at small portions of course, has been just what I needed. My stmach is growling at times (have not hear that in over 2 years) but when it does I will have some cheese or fruit and it will go away. A friend of mine did liquids for 10 days I think...maybe I can muster up some willpower and do the same for a jumpstart? I am doing well right now, so I will see. I did not weigh this morning since I got my time of the month :party:. I will wait until next week to weigh. LORD steer me away from the chocolate cake! lol :tt1:
TracyK

TracyK

1
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