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My Journey to WLS....take 2!

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From "fluffy" To Thinner Back To Fluffy.....depressing!

I have been feeling very depressed lately and can feel myself slipping back into my old behaviors, not eating related. It's more to do with anxiety and avoiding people. Since I was younger I have always had issues with social anxiety. As I gained weight the anxiety worsened. I didnt want to be around people,I avoided my kids school functions for fear of embarrassing them and myself, I really became a hermit. After I had the lapband and had lost some weight I noticed the anxieties lessend. I think I had a confidence in myself that I never really had before. I felt good!! I went out and enjoyed life, took my first airplane trip to Vegas, attended so many events I would have never in the past. Now that I have gained the weight back I am back to that old person who I hated. I avoid events as much as I can and stick with my small circle of friends.I don't like to go out with the hubby for fear that we will run into his work friends and he will have to introduce me to them. One thing I make sure of is to avoid anyone I havent seen in awhile. I don't want them to see that I have gained the weight back. Last weekend I went to a BBQ and as my hubby and I were getting out of the car i heard my cousin say "is that cadezma" (obviously using my screen name here). Just the tone in his voice was like OMG she's huge again!!! I had that instant feeling of being punched in the stomach. I wanted to get back in the car and drive away, but of course I put my fake smile on and stuck it out. I absoulutely regret the lapband and want it out, more so I regret losing the weight with it. I look at it as a tease of what life can really be like. Maybe I should use it to motivate me to get to that point but if I could do it on my own I would have never had to get the lapband. I am not usually an emotional person but I am an emotional mess these days!!   As far as the dr appts go.... I demanded an Upper GI and endoscope. I had the upper GI last monday and the dr who did it said everything looked good.(he told my friend the same thing and when she seen the LB Dr that same afternoon, she was told she had a slip and dialation!!) I told my friend they probably got the charts mixed up and they were looking at mine, since her GI was just a check and she was having no symptoms. :P I don't see my dr until this week and havent heard nothing more from them, so I assume that things are good. I still want to have the endoscope done. I need to be sure there is no erosion etc. I am still having the nausea and things just don't feel right to me! Hopefully we can just get the process going on the sleeve!!!
cadezma77

cadezma77

5
 

Feel Like The Drs Aren't Listening...

Someday I am going to have a positive entry...lol I have been having nausea for 2 weeks now, the past couple days has been 24/7. I also have this horrible taste in my mouth...YUCK! So I called my LB dr (nurse) and she tells me she's pretty sure it's a gastric bug that has been going around, prescribes zofran and tells me to call back in a week if I am still feeling this way or if I vomit. After taking the zofran, no relief! The only thing I got from that was a big ol' headache. I call my family dr (nurse) and tell her what's going on and that I am kind of looking for a second opinion. She states that it probably is a bug and if it's anything lapband related they would just refer me back to the LB Dr because they don't mess with that! This is frustrating to me. My family doctor could do blood work, order xrays and what not....correct??? SO because I have a lapband I can't see him for anything stomach related?? All I know is I have four kids and a job and I cannot continue to function feeling like a big pile of pooooo!!! anyone that ive talked to said to demand some tests, but how when I can't get past the nurse. I know it's thier job to be the go between but I feel like they are blocking me. just very sick...n frustrated!
cadezma77

cadezma77

3
 

Lapband Is Finally Coming Out!

So after a long drawn out process the crap band is finally coming out!!! I had my upper GI and dr said everything looked good. Band looked like it was in a "slightly different" place but that shouldn't cause any issues. I then was still having the nausea, and problems eating, vomitting etc....they finally gave in and did the EGD. The printout that I got afterwards talked about possible Barretts esophagus. They took 4 biopsies and it was a week from hell waiting for answers. The more I googled the barretts the more stressed out I got. In the end it was NEGATIVE...thank God! It turned out to be esophagitis. I then met with dr and she said soooo what are you wanting to do?? my reply TAKE IT OUT!!! duh!!! same thing ive wanted for months now!! I asked if the esophagitis was a possible reason for the inconsistancy inthe band and why I can eat better some days and not so well others....her reply "not necessarily"...hmmm Honestly, I still believe that my doctors think I am nuts. If I have to hear one more lecture about "using my tool correctly" Im going to freak!!! Do they not see that my "tool" worked great for 2 years....and then issues arose. Need I remind them that I was comfortable with 7ccs in my band and at this point can't get past 4.5 or 5ccs without issues. Not to mention I am 100% unfilled right now and have vomitted and had days where things were too tight! In my opinion that "slightly different placement" of the band may be the key! I am not a doctor but thats my thoughts. so I left my appt with no dates info etc. emailed two days later to see what the plan was and got a phone call saying insurance approved it and Im sched for nov 20. They wont discuss the sleeve until 6mths out. In that time my cobra will expire!!! I have been researching Dr Garcia in MX and now I am trying to weigh my options. If I go to him for both procedures, there is a possibility both procedures can be performed at the same time. Of course if not then I would be better off just doing the lap band removal in US and waiting to heal. Its a tough choice!!!! Another thing that I have to consider is my hubby and I are going on our first cruise and honeymoon in march (after 14yrs of marriage) and if I go to MX there will be about 7weeks between surgery and cruise. I am not concerned with not being able to pig out on the cruise, but I am concerned that I will be on a somewhat "normal" diet and healed fully enough to enjoy our vacay. I am just glad to be getting it out!!! I am up to my presurgery weight and I pray I do not gain anymore!!!!
cadezma77

cadezma77

3
 

Don't Feel Like My Doctor Is 100% On Board For Revision To Sleeve

I had my appointment today and dr said according to the Upper GI the band looks good. Too bad it doesn't feel so great to me!! I am still having the nausea, though not as horrible as before....still have the weird pain on the left side. She asked me "so are you pretty much done with the band?" My response was YES! She asked if I wanted all the fluid removed today...I said NO, it's not too restricted right now, I have been much tighter before. I obviously don't want to remove it all and wait for them "to build their case for insurance"! Honestly, what's a little more vomitting here and there for another month??!! I once again explained that I know my water retention plays a huge roll in the restriction and inconsistancies. If I don't take my HCTZ until later on in the day, I can forget about trying to eat a "normal" meal (normal according to band) I don't think she believes me on this one!! Like I stated before, I really think this dr thinks that I am just telling her these things because I want the sleeve, which is far from the case. I really like this doc but when I feel like she's not taking me seriously it really pisses me off! So the "plan of action" if you can call it that is for me to meet with a dietician (that right there tells me she thinks the weight gain is my fault) which she is right to a point, because any bandster who has struggled with being too tight knows you find what works and eat that! It's not my fault raw veggies, fruits, & Salad dont work for me! After meeting with the dietician I will then meet with dr. I did ask what exactly medically necessary mean and her response was that they need something concrete that the band isn't working. it just blows my mind that constantly vomitting and nausea etc isn't concrete enough. Not to mention previous slips and dilations that weren't diagnosed by xray. I understand they are helping me by building a case and I spose' they know more about insurance than I do but it would be nice if the dr would say I AGREE with you, you should get the sleeve, but she doesn't seem to be on my side on this one! sooooo frustrating!
cadezma77

cadezma77

1
 

Has The Band Failed Me Or Have I Failed The Band?

Sometimes I wonder is it me?? Have I failed this band or is it failing me??Maybe its 50/50. I can admit that excercise has slowed for me, which tends to happen when you pack the lbs back on....it's hard to get back into that routine. I can admit to eating the wrong foods at times (slider foods), but in reality most fruits and veggies didnt work for me when I had decent restriction. Also at restriction I am usually not able to eat until about noon, so skipping breakfast left me overly hungry and I'm sure my body didn't appreciate going so long between meals. Sometimes I would try a protein shake in the am, but it too would take awhile to get it down, due to the restriciton in the morning. One issues after having the lapband is the constant thoughts of food. Not so much eating food, but the constant thinking about food situations. For example if we were going to be going out for dinner I would be thinking about what food I could eat. I usually look at an online menu before we go just so I can scope out something that usually would work. The constant worry about what is going to work and what is not going to work, possibility of vomitting, and the chance I might get stuck and not be able to get to the restroom in time. Any family get together, birthday party, celebration was always a struggle. Not only do you feel as if people are watching what you put on your plate, but I felt they were more inclined to watch me eat. I spose' it's curiosity to see just how much a WLS patient can eat, but it made me self conscious and stressed me out....which is yet another issue I've found with the band. I have noticed that when I am stressed out, things are much tighter and it is harder to eat. Being the mother of 4 boys, life is pretty stressfull so this too was a struggle. I found myself leaving the supper table to eat in private so that no one could bother me and I could just focus on eating/chewing. One of the biggest issues has been that a certain food may be a "safe" food one day, but the next it is a no go! It's very frustrating to have a WLS and then have your world revolve around food. I think about food much more than i ever did. Ironic isn't it??!!
cadezma77

cadezma77

2
 

My Story....lapband To Sleeve Journey Has Begun!

]So here is my story...... I was banded in April of 2008 at my highest weight of 263. The lapband surgery was a breeze, life with the lapband has not been a breeze. I have a 10cc band. My first fill was 6 weeks after surgery and then there was many more until I was up to 7ccs. I remember asking the nurse "What happens if I get to 10cc's and no restriction?" Her reply "well then this surgery isn't going to work for you"! Needless to say that definatley was not the case...I found my "greenzone" and was doing pretty well. I was excercising on a daily basis. I was feeling good, anxieties were less, confidence was up and of course was losing weight. One year after surgery I was down to 219, which is decent considering it took months to get to restriction. In August of 2010, I had hit wonderland 198!!! I was so happy to be under 200lbs! By my calculations this is about the time I started having issue, although I have always struggled with days when I am too tight, vomitting, and etc. All in All since August of 2010 (by estimation) I have been totally unfilled 4 or 5 times. The most recent being in April of this year. The Doc said it was due to a possible slip and we were to remove all fluid and let it heal on it's own. June we added fluid back in (about 4cc's) I felt restriction but not too much. I was still gaining and admittedly not making the best food choices. In July we added 1.5 more cc's. This is where things became strange for me....I felt like I had adequate restriction, portions were small and what not, however I had this constant burning (heartburn) in my esophagus and it was much worse when drinking any liquids. Of course I was still vomitting here and there, but this many years out it had just became a way of life. so this past week I went in to the dr, we take out a half of cc and I drink the water and I can still feel the burning/somewhat pressure feeling. We take out another cc and decide to keep me on liquids until monday and see how it goes from there. At this point I am frustrated and just want to be done with the band. I also brought up the fact that I think my port sometimes bulges more than usual and doc felt around and said seems fine other than it feels a little loose! Which by the way doc had a helluva time getting the needle in!!! I'm thinking loose??? why would it be loose is this normal?? anywhoooo...I brought up the fact that I have been researching the sleeve procedure and doc pretty much said that we will see how the next few months go and start building our case for the insurance company. I should add that in my opinion, I don't believe that it is heartburn I am feeling....I think it's due to my esophagus being inflammed from the vommiting but I guess I am not a dr...lol Also, I tend to retain fluids and take a BP/Water pill (HCTZ) to help with this. I have tried to tell my dr many times that on days where I feel I am retaining fluids my band is much tighter. I think she thinks I am quack as she has never really agreed with me! Makes sense to me, specially if women who are on their TOM feel more restricted....which by the way is the case for me also. So i've rambled on..........bottom line this is not the life I want to live anymore! The food addiction is way worse now than it ever was before...but I'll save that for another post!
cadezma77

cadezma77

0
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