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to be accountable for my actions

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Really?!?

Ok so i havent written in a bit..and im writing now b/c i just came off of a binge..a bored binge..a comfort binge..a stress binge..one which after i was done all i wanted to do is cry and thats what i did..i wish that voice in my head woulda been loud enough to wake myself up b4 i did it..i do good for a while and then BOOM ! the devil takes over and im back to old habits..my NUT wants me to try to get down to 280..as of the last visit i was 301.5..i usually weigh every day and she advised me not to but i told her it keeps me on track but now im not so sure..so i put it away and will not weigh until i step on the scale at the drs on Aug. 21. I have to get stronger..i know the sleeve isnt a cure all and that i have to work my sleeve but it will be so great not to be able to overeat..i know most of it is in my head (aka head hunger)..I'm just so frustrated and stress in my life doesnt help one bit..   rant over ..till next time
Shelli_d

Shelli_d

1
 

So Here We Go

I decided that today was the day for me to start blogging on here b/c quite frankly I am so pissed at myself right now..i have been doing so good these past few weeks and i was starting to see a change in the scale and i was ecstatic about it. then the stress rolled in and pppffffhhhttt that was it..my 1 meal on Friday was over 1600 calories! For one damn meal!! I know this b/c i went on their website and looked it up..can you say shocked! Mortified! embarrassed! If my legs were long enough I'd kick my own ass! so then today my thinking was ah well since i have f'd up already why not a little more so a drive thru it was! UGHHHH!! Dammit! I do admit i am a food addict. and it isnt an easy addiction as you cant totally give up food like u can say drugs or alcohol..so what to do? i have had my woe is me time and now starting today (well when i get up later since its after 1am here on the East coast) I know that i messed up and now it is time to get serious yet again. I meet with my NUT Katie on the 23rd of July and i plan on being a lil bit lighter than i am now..its so hard but i know eventually this will get better and food wont be an issue or my go to thing when ever something doesnt go my way or stress beats on my door or the Devil wants to bring old habits back..i will not give in..ive come too far in this journey to stop now. i deserve to be happy. I am doing this for me and no one else but me. i am accountable for my own actions. and i take full responsibility for what happened this weekend and now we start anew. From here on out. Any time that i feel like the old way creeping in i will be writing down my feelings here.   So Here WE GO!!!   I
Shelli_d

Shelli_d

2
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