With yesterday being the 4th of July naturally my husband and kids were overly excited about going to watch the firework show, I on the other hand was far less enthusiastic. When getting ready (as usual) this overwhelming sense of disgust and depression takes over me. Nothing fits, nothing looks or feels right. I feel so out of place in large crowds. I'm not a shy person at all and I remember the time I use to enjoy crowds. I cheered in high school and college for a min. I loved crowds! The thing is when my attitude sucks I don't think I'm pleasant to be around. Who else has felt this way? And it seems as though the closer I get to picking a surgery day, the more I realize (or rather the more I begin to admit to myself) that my weight is way out of control!