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About this blog

My journey. The ups and downs and all arounds.

Entries in this blog

 

Depressed/anxious

I have so much going on right now and I am waiting on so many answers..... My paperwork has been turned in for the 2nd time because they needed more info before they could approve or deny. My 2nd insurance has approved and now we are just waiting on the primary......   Now here is the kicker...I need to have this surgery done before May, which is not a problem for my doctor, but we are waiting on the insurance company.   My husband and I are also waiting to find out about a job for him in Dubai. If he gets it which I am sure he has it he will be leaving in May! Same company he works for now, so he will have the same insurance. I just need his help with the kids while I recover!   There is just too much going on and we have to wait for too many answers! My body hurts from all the walking and weight lifting that I have been doing. The soreness does not help with my emotions at all. I feel like a huge ball of raw emotions and like I am going to cry at any time.   This is the first time in a while that I have logged in here because I have been trying not to think about it at all.
CherylA

CherylA

9
 

He does not understand.....

My nut wanted me to go ahead and start using protein shakes now to get use to it. My husband and I made one and shared it this evening. He said boy would not be bad with some sugar.....I just looked at him in disbelief and said I can not have it with sugar. O he says well get some vanilla and add some strawberries to it...I replied it will be a while after surgery before I can have starberries again. He is supportive, but he has no idea.
CherylA

CherylA

6
 

The Truth. Here It Is.

Here I am sitting at 308 lbs, well that is what they weighed me in at the doctor's office on May 9th 2012. I went for my first consult. The dr says he does not think showing a medical need will be any problem. It is just a wait and see game to know what hoops the insurance(Aetna) is going to make me jump through. The office said it will take about 2 weeks to hear back from the insurance company. Come on 2 weeks. I am ready to start a life that has me playing the lead as a smaller ME!   I have been fat my entire life and it has caused me such mental pain and now it is causing me physical pain as well. This is the largest I have EVER been in my entire life. When you hit rock bottom I guess there is only one way to go and that is up. My weight got out of hand after being pregnant 5 times. I have had two miscarriages and 3 live births. I was on bed rest with the last two for a good half of the pregnancy. Since that time I can not make the scale move in the opposite direction. It just keeps moving up.   I want to be able to chase my girls and play without being afraid of hurting one of them. It is funny the larger I get the more I just want to hide and the more impossible being able to hide gets.   Does anyone have Aetna? If so what kind of experience did you have?
CherylA

CherylA

5
 

Hate the wait and the weight even lol

My insurance company received my papers requesting approval the 13th of March. They can take between 7-14 business days to approve or deny the surgery. I have been calling them everyday praying that they would approve sooner. I really hate having to wait on them to know for sure if I am going to get to have my surgery on April 9th or not. I have BCBS of Tennesee. Does anyone else have it? I feel like I am going to loose my mind waiting!
CherylA

CherylA

2
 

Kids Tell The Truth And It Hurts. Other Things That Happen To Be On My Mind.

As a parent we work so hard to teach our children not to be mean to other children. Don't say mean things you will hurt your friends feelings and so on.....What about your mom's feelings? My oldest daughter has told me several times that she thinks I am fat..I went and cried before coming back to explain to her that you don't talk to anyone like that.   Have you noticed that we are so much harder on ourselves? We do not hold other people to the high standards we hold for ourselves. Maybe if I were a little nicer to myself I would not be sitting in the boat I am in today. I vow to try not to kick myself so hard for mistakes I make. We all make them.   I am not a very patient person. I hate waiting to hear from the insurance company. I like to be able to control things and I hate not knowing. It is the not knowing that drives me insane. Ok if I have to wait 6 months let's get the appointments started. The faster I can get started the faster I will have it complete.   I am trying to up my water intake because for me I hate the lack of taste water has.fter I drink so much water I start feeling like I am gonna puke even with the thought of water. I have started using Milo as a flavor enhance to my water. If you only use a drop it gives the water a hint of flavor and that I can handle.
CherylA

CherylA

2
 

The Green Eyed Monster.

As I have stated before I am not a patient person. I am still checking the mail as soon as I get home from work in hopes that my insurance company has sent an answer.. In the mean time I am looking at all these pictures of people that have reached their goals and I am jealous! I want to be thin and healthy and be able to move without my body hurting.     One of my co-workers came by today. She had gastric by-pass 2 weeks ago now. She has already lost 15 lbs. Another twinge of the monster. I have wanted a wls for a while now and I am so afraid I will not get approved. I feel like I am going insane waiting and wondering.     We just got our pool put up this last weekend so I am looking forward to the water warming up enough to swim. I look forward to being able to move without as much pain in my knees. I feel drained after the end of a long day, such as today. I think longingly of having so much extra energy the kids cannot keep up with ME!
CherylA

CherylA

2
 

Feeling Down.

The girls have been on one this evening. I am feeling worn down by life today. I feel like I don't have the energy to fight the fight and get up and go. I don't tell anyone when I am feeling down so this is a big step for me to even put it on here. It has been one of those days that makes me want to sit down and cry. I sure hope it looks up after a good night of rest.   I still have not heard from the insurance company yet. I put a call into my Dr's office today and I am waiting to hear back from them. I think I am going to call the insurnace agency tomorrow and see if they have received the information from the doc's office as of yet.
CherylA

CherylA

1
 

How are you doing on the emotional side of being obese?

I have to share...I ran into the forum How are you doing on the emotional side of being thin..or something like that. It really made me start thinking. How did I ever get to this point in my life? O there are so many things I can sit down and list that made me unhappy and that I LET push me to over eat and eat from emotion. Let's face it, it is a roller coaster that once you get on there is no getting off without some serious help. I am a little worried about how I will handle things once I have my sleeve, but I will take it one step at a time. I hope to turn more toward lifting weights and walking. Heck maybe even running! I would love to run with my oldest daughter. She seems to really enjoy it. My middle child enjoys sprinting. What a day that will be when I can run and sprint without the worry of ending up in the hospital!   Last year I had started jogging and walking with the family everyday. I started getting more and more dizzy. I even had to go in the hospital for them to try to fig out what was wrong. Come to find out there are these rock like things in your inner ear that I jarred loose and out of whack! I guess it is because of being so big and running. I was getting to where I could run and keep up with the kiddos too.   I really enjoy this site because it gives me a chance to get a peak into the world I will hopefully be facing very soon.
CherylA

CherylA

1
 

Advice Please.

I received my call from the doctor's office today concerning my requirements for surgery. I have to have 6 months of dr supervised diet program. I have to have a nut eval and a psych eval.   I already have my first appointment set up for June 5 with my pcp for the beginning of the supervised diet. That will make Dec 5 my 6 month mark.   At what point should I go for the psych eval? What is it like and how many times do I have to go for it to be over? Does it only take one visit to complete a psych eval?   Thanks Cheryl
CherylA

CherylA

0
 

I spoke to my doctor's office today!

They are sending for approval for my insurance company tomorrow! I am so excited and I hope it does not take long to get an approval. I have not lost my 10% yet, but I have other issues. I hope with sleep apnea, knee surgery, bp starting to climb and lipids up by 18 points they will still approve it. I have now lost 19 lbs and I am walking too. Here is to loosing more and praying for an approval!
CherylA

CherylA

0
 

Insurance needing more info! Denied for now!

My insurance company stated that they needed more information in order to approve or deny my surgery. My PCP did not have a weight for 2009 and they needed that. Thank God my OB doctor had it! My insurnace is also required 2 more worksheets for the Phych eval, so I guess I will have to go see him again! The insurance also need to see the comorbidities, we sent them the first time!     The one thing that really worries me is the fact that I have not lost 10% of my body weight. I have lost 19 lbs though, go me! I am not sure that elevated bp, elevated lipid panels, sleep apnea and shot knees are going to be enough to get around that. I need a prayer yall. My surgery is suppose to be April 9th and if we don't get all these things in and get them to look at it stat I will have to reschedule. I am trying to put this in the Lord's hands, but I am a worry wart! My insurance said with the first one that they have 7-14 days to give an answer. It took 7 days. I am running out of days. I am almost 2 weeks out from my surgery date.
CherylA

CherylA

0
 

Canoeing

My husband and I took our oldest daughter canoeing yesterday for her 9th birthday. It is the first time I have ever been and also a first for our daughter! It was between 4 and 5 miles long! I was worried about fitting in the canoe. I will be glad when I have my surgery and lose some weight so that I don't have to worry about fitting in things.   Over all I am very proud of myself for this trip. The water was down and we did lots of pulling and pushing of the canoe. We saw so many pretty things. Do any of you ever worry that your weight holds you back from doing things like this with your kids? I am determined not to let mine keep me from doing fun things with my kids.
CherylA

CherylA

0
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