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My new journey

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The Start Of My Journey

I have started my journey.......actually i started about 3 years ago, but came up with every excuse in the world to hold myself back. Yes I said it....I was the queen of self sabotage......(thats another story all together).....I have now put my best foot forward to achieve this goal......my weight loss is now at 29 pounds....and yes Im feeling a bit sexy and risque.....on top of losing weight I am planning my wedding which will be in Jamaica.....Ohhhhhh so now its seems a bit clearer....yes sometimes the feeling is as if my mind is split into thousands of molecule particles......     Since completing the Options program (a program which you must complete in order to have bariatric surgery through kaiser)...there has been so many self discoveries and understanding the true inner demons with in myself. However; it has felt like waking out out of a fog that I have been drifting through for many years. Lies and deceit...all to myself....NO matter how I believed myself to be a woman of honor who has never felt the need to lie to anyone......well I was lying to myself almost on an hourly basis.....again thats another story for another time...   the track for me as been drawn out....and just like that green arrow in that ins comercial (and right now I can not for the life of me remember the name of the ins) anywayssss......im following my little green arrow....Im going to make a habit to release myself on this blog.....honesty will be a must.....comedy will be a natural part....Im going to share my fears, and my victories....and will sit back an enjoy this transition in my life.....   dang this blog was all about me.....and I think I like it....and that too is another long story.....Now going to finish sewing.....yes im making some of my welcome bag gifts already.....   cant wait to watch this all play out ......
tovanta

tovanta

3
 

I Have Come, I Have Conquered And I Am ....well Lets Say Surviving A Little Bit

July 30th....the day of my new me......   Well allow me to share a little insight.....     Well I'v done it....I have walk the desert (as my mason friends would say)....Let me tell you it was a journey that no matter how I prepared...I was not prepared for. I stayed away from the boards purposely, because I did not want to frighten or speak negatively on the surgery. It was very difficult initially because of the medical problems I had to endure (one of which, is being unable to take pain medication). Had I gotten online initially I would have screamed the horrors of this God Forsaken surgery and who....with any intelligence at all would succumb to this beast called the SLEEVE!!!!   But now 45 days away from the faithful day called "surgery" I am happy, I am smiling, I am learning, and creating new ways for myself....I have not been so happy....yes I have stalled, and yes I have slimed, yes I have had the lump in my chest that seems to want to explode...I have passed the rabbit pellets, and I have had many a day of laugher on how my body has responded to what is happening to it.....BUT...   I am so glad to have made this decision. Each day is a step into sunshine, sometimes with a few clouds....but even those clouds are beautiful now...and I will peer into them and make shapes out of those puffy marshmellows, instead of endulging in the doldrumsss......The feeling of achieving a goal and starting a new one is so amazing to me at this age....(okay not that I'm old) but sometimes we forget that the new wonders surrounding us on a daily basis. I have slipped into some old jeans (yep some sergio's that is no longer any where near style but)....WHAT A THRILL....   Who would have thought....the diva in me would escape again.....im loving it ...my children are loving it ....and my love is totally estactic....I have always smiled brightly ...but right now my smile can equate to a solar flare....just 45 pounds....what the hell is gonna happen when I hit 60, never mind whats gonna happen when i finally slip under 200.....watch out now......world get ready.....Im here to take over....   My growth has been in the worst times....when those scars would not heal....when the thought of one more bite of mash potatoes or apple sauce would turn me into a ingnorant maniac....but all of the sudden I remember the feeling of going through the hell called basic training....or the hell called breast cancer .....shoot even the hell of raising two teenagers who knew everything in the world and thought I belonged in a (well never mind I divest)...Each and everyone of those journeys has brought more pride and and feeling of empowerment to my journey.....well guess what ....I'M BACKCKKK....and this new road or shall I say adventure... will will bring me out of it like a shine piece of steel put through the fire and well tested....I say...bring life on...I am so readyyyyyy!!!!
tovanta

tovanta

0
 

A New Day ....a New Dawn

Maybe there has been some confusion.....as I read some of the responses....I believe....some of you thought that I have had the surgery already...I have not.....I am in the very begginning phases of the process....I have been doing mental battle for about 3 years...and finally in Oct....started taking real steps towards my end goal......I have just finish the Options class that Kaiser has you attend. I have also competed the physical work up...blood work....invasive sonograms....and those darn scales.....but I'm elated......the closer I get to end goal....the more accomplished I feel.,,,The closer I get to the end journey the clearer the understanding is ....THIS IS FOR LIFE....you cant turn back the hand time....and you cant wallow in woulda coulda and shoulda's.....     I just wanted a place to place my honest thoughts out there....and maybe just maybe.....some one is out there saying "amen" or "I understand" or maybe find the humor in the twist and turns.......and as my waddle becomes a graceful saunter....im going to smile each step of the way....
tovanta

tovanta

2
 

A New Awakening

I came home today, tired and exhausted from work. My to be brought some fried chicken home.....I ate a piece and was upset with myself from breaking down into the temptation of that oily greasy delicous piece of meat....;I instantly got up and started sewing (yes making my wedding guest gifts and loving every moment of it)....     all of the sudden I broke out with a huge giggle, which turned into hysterical laughter....realizing I ate one piece of chicken....just one...not half the bird...not twenty wingettes.....just the wing......i made a huge step...I ate....i walked away realizing that this is not what i wanted or needed....and i found something to take me away....and it was almost effortlessly.....   Im still grinning .....It feels wonderful to find triumph even in a mistake......
tovanta

tovanta

5
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