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I Find Myself On This Ledge...

this place that I don't want to be. I am having surgery on Tuesday. I am facing stressors from all around...dad very ill, very stressful work environment, sweetest pup just at the vet hospital today with no diagnosis as yet, two giant bills this week I was not anticipating and more.   I do not want to be here. I want to be calm and well and excited.
Mamamia59

Mamamia59

4
 

Beginning

A new beginning. That's what I get because I finally found the guts to ask. To admit. Like a addict. If I don't get some professional help, this is only going to get worse. I asked for a chance to get it together. It seems as if the sleeve is a sort of self inflicted intervention on myself. Don't follow the program, you will pay. One way or another.   Why it has to be this way, I do not know, but it does. I have no control. I love food. I loved working in great restaurants in hotels for 20 years. I love the wine, the dessert, the adventure, the spices, the KITCHENS! I love the Food Network, the diners, the dives! I guess I might be well served to think of it as "I've certainly had my fun". Maybe that's it...I'll need to look to enjoy my new fun. I hope exercise becomes fun. I do have my dogs and Lord knows they'd probably be willing to walk as long as I ever wanted. I think someday I'd like to do yoga   I am soooo getting ahead of myself. I need to get through this last 'anticipation' week before all that. Get my things organized. Wrap up my work at work. Create a healing environment at home.   Yeah, I'll concentrate on that to start.
Mamamia59

Mamamia59

1
 

Come On Through To The Other Side!

Don't recall who sang that song, but I'm singing it now! The other side...hooray! Past the anticipation, past the short lived pain and nausea, past the hospital and the fear and the doubt. Done. Next.   Each day is better than the previous. I am up and around today, although still pampering myself and taking it easy a bit. I am still a little bit sore and cannot wait to sleep on my stomach again. That part has been difficult for me, I have to admit. I am learning about that weird feeling when I swallow. I am amused by the gurgling. I am thinking about success. I am concentrating on it. I am realizing that TV has entirely too much food on it. Every other commercial is about food! And I will need to come to terms with my love of food. That will be the work I will need to do. I always wanted to be Italian because the women go to the markets every morning and come home to create their masterpieces. They take great pride in the fresh ingredients and the love they put into it. This is a balance I will need to learn to achieve. Nothing wrong with good fresh ingredients and some creative, loving inspiration to put to them. I just need to learn to work that to my advantage. There was a time in my life where I cooked everything from scratch. I was so proud of that. Of course, I had every afternoon off and all the time in the world to do it. Yeah, those days are over   I found myself lying in bed this morning thinking ahead...thinking by my birthday this year, I'll be an entirely different person. So many false starts in the past that I never dreamt of thinking ahead. This weight is going to come off. I will be different. I will succeed.   I feel awkwardly courageous at this point. Some will try to take that away from me...say that I took the easy way out. But I will not allow it.
Mamamia59

Mamamia59

3
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