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My wild journey

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Update on a semi-failed weight loss success

Today I am back on the blog after four years! I lost a total of 87 pounds and about 2/3 of that weight came off after the gastric sleeve in 2012.  i wanted to give an update, a cautionary tale and maybe a not-so-depressing perspective of one who has not been a weight loss success.   Busyness and stress has always been my enemy when it comes to weight loss.  It often takes me by surprise and whisks away any structure and success I have built into my life.  One day I am doing well and eating and exercising and then BAM! It all goes out the window.  Even my house gets messy and cluttered during those times of extreme stress and time pressure.  I work a job that is not just 9-5 so I take much of my work home, I work from home often and get extreme deadlines like grant applications etc.   Before I initially lost weight before surgery, was a very busy time, but I put the accountability of a structured weight loss program into my schedule.  This is the only way I initially lost 30 pounds at the beginning.  I also started working out with a trainer. Although it is the cost of a vacation every year, I need it to be successful. When I had the weight loss surgery, I had quit my stressful administrative job and was in a window of time less busy (even though I was working).  All went well with my weight loss after surgery (even though  slow as was my history of weight loss) until I started a new job.  Once the stress of the job was getting to me, I stopped the morning walks and began to eat more frequently and less clean.  A bad case of pneumonia and 40 days of steriods, further put me back and I gained weight. Now,  I am facing some serious foot pain from plantar fascitis, nothelped by weight gain. All this downhill trend happened as my career has blossomed.  However, if truth be told, I prefer a healthy body to work success.   Looking back, I am humbled by the setback and have felt moments of panic.  However, something in me has shifted as I ponder my failure.  All in all, I am still down over 50 pounds from my initial weight (228 from 282).  Although the failure of weight gain from 194 hits me in the face, I have come to a gentler self-assessment and I like myself better than ever.  I can now look in the mirror and feel okay about my curves.  I lost a bit from my highest weight regain (240) although it has taken a year to take off.   So, all this to say, count your blessing and jump back in.  Love yourself in the process and never give up.  If I had given up, I would easily be 300 pounds.  I am now concentrating on getting back to the losing mode and it is workomg...slowly.  Limiting to 3 small meals and 2 small snacks if needed, drinking a lot but separating from food, doing some exercise every day and finding joy in the process. For me, finding joy includes time with my loved ones and having quiet time as I pursue God in my life...I am even going back to some ballroom dance classes.  Dance on everyone! I wish the best for all of you!  Tell me your story...I love to read them.  
mambomama

mambomama

1
 

A year after VSG surgery

It is hard to imagine that 1 year ago this month, I had the VSG surgery procedure. I remember the agony of finally deciding to have the surgery after years of saying, "Never", then having to wait those several months to wait for surgery. Now looking back, I do see value in all those hurdles I had to jump! It has been a relatively easy time this year. My loss has been very slow compared to many others, but I have always been the slow loser! I have had 2 significant stalls during this year. The first one lasted almost a month and was 6 months after surgery. The second stall was almost 2 months and lasted from November to january. I started getting panicky, so I went on structured plan to make sure I am not overeating without realizing. I also cut out all carbs except fruit (2 per day). I am eating mostly lean meats and lots of low-carb veggies. Now my total loss is 87 pounds, 57 of which came after the surgery. One can see that i averaged about 1 pound a week this first year. I won't be winning any weight loss awards, but to have lost this much is a miracle and a true gift!   For those of you who, like me, struggle with metabolic and endocrine issues such as thyroid, PCOS, diabetes, I do have some advice. It may or not apply and I hestitate to claim any knowledge, but here goes:   1) No matter what your weight, start working on fitness. I started 7 years ago, exercising 20 minutes twice weekly. At 282 pounds, it nearly killed me. I would literally climb into bed EVERY day after exercise and go back to sleep. I was so exhausted that I could not stay up on my feet. It took everything I had to get out of bed in the morning to exercise, but I did it for the fight of my life. I gradually increased my exercise over then next four years. I was still gaining weight, but I was plugging along. Now looking back, I can see the wisdom in the exercise. My core is strong, my muscles and spine are healthy and strong for my age. My coordination is good and my exercise recovery is so much better. Now, my exercise schedule is as follows: M, W, F - 6am walking partner for 50 minutes (about 3 miles) T, R - some cardio, but mostly resistance, core and balance training In between, I take a zumba or circuit class once or twice a week and I dance on the weekends with my hubby once in a while.   2) Start looking inside! I journal, and now looking back it is helpful to see how much healthier I am inside and out. Journaling for me is a conversation to God. It leads me to God and helps sort out my thoughts. I also listen and write down things I sense that maybe God wants for me. It is a very deep and sweet place some days, light and superficial others, and agonizing once in a while. I use scripture along with this for my meditation and I am blessed in a deep place as a result.   3) Face your fears- I am facing my fears, my insecurities and my failings. Facinig my fears was so important for my success. For me, that meant taking swim lessons. I actually dove head-first finally, and cried when I did it because it was such a barrier to me. I am also teaching some kids spanish, and this is forcing me to tackle a very insecure place in my life. I left south America at age 11 and was very sad about it. I stopped speaking spanish and began to feel insecure to talk to others in spanish. It started with lessons and now I am helping others.   4) Face your failings and forgive yourself and others - Facing my failings has also been important and this journey has taken me to some uncomfortable places. Sometimes it meant being honest with myself and my food. Sometimes it meant looking at a specific event where I made a poor choice in a relationship, or responded poorly to others. It has even meant dealing with unforgiveness of myself and others. In one situation, someone slandered me very painfully and unfairly. I held on to the unforgiveness because my reputation mattered to me. It was 2 years later that I finally went to this person to ask her what I did that led to this situation. She told me there were "Lots" of things,but could not think of anything specific right then (she said I should have given her time to thinkabout it). At that moment, I was given a release from the torment of the situation. I was able to forgive her, and ask her to forgive me for whatever it was that led her to slander me. It was like a ton of weight was lifted from me.   5. Be honest about your food. 6. Find a good practitioner. Find a practitioner who understands the complexities of dysmetabolic syndrome, HPA axis disorders (hypothalmus, pituitary, adrenal), and has holistic approach to healing. 7. Reward yourself!
mambomama

mambomama

2
 

The Jungle Years

Posted January 7, 2012 - 7:39 PM As I am starting this blog, I feel like I am beginning in the middle of a long journey that it took to get here in the first place. Since Childhood, I have struggled with my weight, and rarely has a day gone by where my weight was not at the forefront of my thinking. While some may see bariatric surgery a prison where they can never eat like before, I see it as an opportunity to break free from the burden of my weight issues. I am very "HOPEFULL" as I prepare for surgery. Please excuse my ramblings below as I reflect on the early years of my journey...   I was born and reared in a remote rain forest/ jungle of South America and one of my memories is that I was the only overweight child in the jungle. My parents and paternal grandparents were also overweight which was also extremely rare. We had little access to refined sugar, sodas and candy. Moreover, my mother did not allow much junk food anyway. Some of my earliest memories are of my mother counting out her peanuts as she was attempting to lose weight (only 12 peanuts allowed). We lived most of the time beside a large tributary of the Amazon that was accessible by sea plane or a long river trip (sometimes 2 weeks on the windy dangerous river). Now, I realize how amazing it was to have that experience and I treasure the memories. I also remember that my mother put me on my first diet there by age 10. I worked hard and started jogging, and eventually lost a little weight to near normal for my age (now it would not be seen that overweight compared to so many obese children).   After almost 11 wonderful years in the jungle, I moved to the United States. For three months we visited friends and relatives in the midwest, south and eastern USA. In those three months, I was offered a lot of goodies which was impossible for me to refuse (feeling obligated, wanting to try new delicious foods, plus having a sweet tooth). By the time we settled in South Florida, I had gained nearly 30 pounds. The timing was bad as I was nearing puberty when the body normally gains 5-7 pounds. I quickly went from slightly overweight to nearly obese by age 11. It was not a happy time for me as I missed my home in the jungle, and I felt very out of place in South Florida where girls my age aspired to be tanned (I have very fair skin) and slim hips (which mine weren't)! In addition, my father was dying. He had brain cancer and needed close medical attention, but after all we did to move to the USA to get medical help, they could do nothing but watch him slowly die.   More to come!
mambomama

mambomama

0
 

The South Florida Teen Years

After my father's death when I was 13, I lived with my mother and two brothers in South Florida. All along, I wanted to go back to Peru, but now my mother was hesitant because we were in a good school in Florida and coming into important years as teenagers. My mom hoped to return after we finished school. I remember distinctly how much I weighed at each age and stage of my teen years.   4th grade 9 years 115 pounds - went on diet 5th grade 10 years 105 pounds - lost weight 6th grade 11 years 133 pounds - gained 30 pounds in three months after moving to USA 7th grade 12 years 140 pounds 8th grade 13 years 144 pounds - dad dies 9th grade 14 years 150 pounds 10th grade 15 years 160 pounds 11th grade 16 years 170 pounds - went to a diet support group for almost 1 year and started aerobics 12 grade 17 years 155 pounds   My brothers were very involved in sports and my older brother who eventually became super morbidly obese was then very lean. My younger brother was a bit overweight until about 8th grade when he began playing sports. My younger brother also always struggled with weight as an adult but never became morbidly obese. They both were encouraged to play sports. While I was athletic, I was relegated to taking care of the house and cooking for the family. This may not seem at all fair, but I think I probably preferred this to sports because I was self-conscious of my body and my weight and had no confidence in my athletic ability. It was later that I realized I was a really strong person and really a fast runner with great hand-eye coordination. Back then I had no clue, so I played piano and did family chores from age 11 on.   Every day, I thought about my weight. There was one moment I remember when I thought that if I could see in the future and knew I would be an overweight adult, I would rather not live. I was very desperate over it because I stood out like a sore thumb in South Florida where I was very white with large hips. None of my school friends were like me. They all were tan and thin (I went to a private school and one of the "poor" kids). While I had a great time in many ways in those years, I was tormented by my weight issues. My peers never teased me, but my older brother, my uncles, aunts and a male teacher all told me to lose weight. One aunt offered me money for every pound lost.   My mom herself was overweight so she struggled as well. She never weighed more that 180, but was also tormented by it. She and I started attending a wonderful weightloss support group and we started taking an aerobics class together. This is when things started clicking. I lost very slowly compared to the others, but over the next year (during my senior year of highschool), I lost about 15 pounds. I became very health conscious and started my habit of exercising regularly which is key to my success even today.   Now looking back, I know that I likely had problems with thyroid function (hashimoto's hypothyroidism). I had a time where I was very sleepy, had trouble functioning and I gained weight and my skin was very dry, etc. The physician tested everything but thyroid function. Now looking back I wonder if my weight would have been less with less struggles if I had been properly diagnosed at that time. I also had PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) which was manifesting then too, but no one really understood that disorder and how it was related to insulin resistance and weight gain. As I reflect, I can see how God has helped me through. In my struggle I started praying, meditating, journaling and reading scripture daily. It was a phenomenal time of spiritual growth and has a lot to do with my personal faith and love in action today. Without the weight struggles I may not have reached out to know God. My weight struggles have also humbled me and helped me to look past the surface in other people. It has shaped me in so many ways, so I can't regret, but move forward and embrace the new me and be thankful for what I have learned along the way!
mambomama

mambomama

0
 

The Early Adult Years 1980 - 2000

After highschool, I went away to a small private college to study nursing. The school was very conservative and strict (my own standards and faith were much less conservative). For example, you could not date without a chaperone--crazy in today's world, huh?   During those years, I studied hard and worked to pay my way through school. Each summer I worked in a Finnish Nursing home in South Florida and spent significant time in Peru as well. One summer I spent 12 weeks on a college mission team where we worked in a camp for disabled children in a jungle town, for example. I had the time of my life. I was at my thinnest (140 pounds) and had a boyfriend with me on the trip with whom I was deeply in-love. I had a chance to visit my childhood home in the deep jungle and travelled by sea plane to get there. I saw the Indian friends I knew from childhood. All was well in the world!   It is funny how I still felt so fat and assumed I was the fattest girl on the team. It was when we all had to weigh to get on an airplane that I found that I was the 3rd thinnest in the group of 8 girls!!! What a shock that was. I wish now I embraced that weight better instead of wanting to be 127 pounds instead of 140 or 150. I was athletic and strong and fit and beautiful even though I had big hips!   The next 2 summers, I went back on medical teams to the same place, and life ahead was only good. By my junior year, I was secretly engaged (waiting till Christmas to announce and get ring) etc. I then had a snafu with my school registration and ended up staying out of school my junior year. I thought it was the end of the world, but it was a gift. I spent a wonderful year with my mom, breaking up with my boyfriend, taking a road trip to my ancestral home in Wisconsin and Minnesota with my mom, spending Christmas in Europe and working as and LPN and getting valuble RN experience.   Hindsight is 20-20. What was the most traumatic event--staying out of school a year, was a blessing. My mom ended up dying the following year and this year at home allowed me to cherish amazing times with her when she still was well. My boyfriend was not the man for me and if I had been at school, I might have missed the signs!   After graduating, I worked as an RN. My mom died 3 months after college graduation and I had a brother still in highschool to support and an older brother who still had some growing up. It was the hardest year of my life.   My weight was stable for 10 years and ranged from 140 pounds to about 155. I was either on a diet or cheating on a diet during this time. I went to diet doctors and they told me my metabolism was very low. I still never got diagnosed with hashimotos. I exercised 5 days a week.   Three years after my mom's death, I was in grad school getting my NP training. My older brother was married and my younger brother in college. For the first year of grad school, I exercised almost daily. It was a move that changed everything. I moved far from the gym and suddenly my exercise plummeted and I slowly started gaining weight. I was folk dancing a lot and in an amateur performing group, but it was not enough exercise for my body. So over the next 10 years, I gained about 10 pounds a year. I was often on a diet and had one weight loss when I was Dr. Atkin's patient in 1996.   By then, I met my husband (met tango dancing at the university) and we married in 1992. I had started gaining weight and had stopped weighing myself and was not dieting. I was enjoying life and food and slowly but surely putting on pounds. By my wedding, I had hit 200 pounds.   In 1993, we moved to New Jersey, and I was a patient of Dr. Atkins. It took me 6 months, but I lost 20 pounds and got pregnant with my son. The low carb diet probably helped the PCOS and increased my fertility. I actually weighed less the day he was born than the day I got pregnant. My 2 pregnancies were amazing in that I did not gain weight. However, I breast fed over the next 6 years and during that time, I gained 50 pounds. In about 10 percent of women, they gain weight breastfeeding because it increases insulin resistance. I was that 10%. I did not know i had PCOS yet.   Right around year 2000, I was diagnosed with hashimoto's and PCOS and was started on medicine that took off about 10 pounds. I was almost in a fog with my weight and I had stopped dieting. All those years of strict dieting really messed up my mind a bit and i just had no ability to stick with a diet. So these years were happy with family, but frustrating with dieting and weight. Being a mom with young kids has a way of putting you in a fog anyway--best times and worst times. I was also in grad school again so there was not a lot of time for me. The me time is coming though!
mambomama

mambomama

0
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