5 beautiful years. Some drastic lifestyle changes (I went back to school and stopped all exercise like playing squash, running and cycling as well as reformer pilates) contributed to me gaining about 25 pounds in the last year and I am ready to lose them again. The problem is I can eat and drink anything and a lot of anything too. I have had many health challenges over the past 3 years and am in menopause, flashing like a red light all the time. Nothing helps and the hormones that were prescribed drove me nuts!
But life is great. I never did go for any plastics as I was too scared. Of course I regret this now. However, if I can manage to lose this weight I will go for a facelift as I look really old, and maybe some more work. Dieting will be an adjustment as I seem to have this same old I will start tomorrow therefor feast today mentality at the moment.
Today was the first day of low carb, protein first and I got through the day ok.
As I sit here, I wonder how many of the other "old timers" have maintained and how many are still battling the bulge like me 😂😂😂😂😂
Today 2 years ago I had the sleeve.The best gift I ever gave myself.
Its been 2 years of the biggest ups and downs EVER.Sometimes when I read back what I wrote I know its been the hardest and the best 2 years of my life.
After surgery I found out that my happy little family wasnt so happy after all.I developed neuropathy on top of going into menopause and at any other time,my life would have fallen apart.
But having this new lease on life has given me the strength to deal with everything life has thrown my way.My little kid is weight restored,I have in the process dealt with my own eating disorder and life is really good today.
I have been maintaining my weight for the past +- 15 months and I look and feel great.My weight sometimes goes up 5 pounds and then I focus on proteins and bring it down again.I can eat anything and dont take PPI anymore.Of course my capacity is a bit bigger but I am vigilant all the time.I do eat little bits of everything and try not to snack too often.
Sometimes I do still consider plastics (ugg the arms is a big issue) but time and logistics remains a huge problem.And the fact that I am scared..lol
All in all life is great.I will keep posting at least once a year.And should I hit a bump in the road,I will come back to the site and get right back on track again.
I am writing this to myself as a reminder for the future when I need to drop a couple of pounds again.
3 days of protein first and 4 of the 5 pounds have just melted off.This sleeve works if you work it!
My 12 year old was diagnosed with Anorexia nervosa a month ago and I HAVE GAINED 5 pounds in the past couple of weeks.It feels like I am eating for her and as we have to have normal earing patterns around her I cannot cut of full fats or carbs.
THIS IS ANY WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY PATIENTS NIGHTMARE!
I am not allowed to have scales around anymore which drives me nuts as well.The fact tht my life has stopped since we are in stage 1 of redeeding her is not helping as I am bored and stressed.But we are growing a lot stronger as individuals and as a family and that is super positive.Healthy happy,whole people will emerge from the eye of this storm.
Anyhow,will update as I am now secretly trying to drop this 5 again without anyone noticing.Which is a bit tricky but I recon exercise will have to become part of my life now.I can do it when she is at school.Good thing too as I can do with a lot of toning.
xxo
It is 18 months since I was sleeved and I absolutely love my sleeve.I am 8 pounds under my goal weight which is a little to low (my face looks very wrinkly at this weight)
Have been in maintenance since about Jan Feb this year and it is so easy to maintain.I do have a strategy I live by though.
1.Weigh every morning.The scale is my friend and I allow myself at most 4 pounds up before I get backto basics.And as my weight never goes up gradually (it jumps up 4 pounds after a week or 2 of loss of fucused eating),it is always easy to get back to protiens for about 4 days and it is gone again.
2.Eat little bits of most food but protein as the primary food source.
2.No excuses when I gain.
3.Not denying myself but never OVER indulging either.
Now in this year a lot of very heavy emotional stuff happened in my life and to some extent I have to rebuild my whole life.The blessing of the sleeve is I couldnt eat away my emotions anymore and am learning to deal with it.I am also in therapy now.In my house everyone now eats healthy,regularly and we are learning to really enjoy food.My youngest child developed an eating disorder (she's only 12 now)for which the blame can be laid at my feet.My obsession with food,no,food,weight related issues coupled with a few comments like gymnasts who is lighter finds it easier in higher levels (she's level 8) have made her decide to self restrict her food and at first I thought I was eating much more as my food portions was all of a sudden the same size than hers.After cutting my food to almost nothing I realized that HER PORTIONS WERE AS SMALL AS MINE.
Anyway,it showed me my obsession have hurt my children and that they need me to eat with them,which I stopped doing after surgery.I also have to eat mostly what they eat.NORMAL is what I have to do even though my portions cannot be normal.She is doing somewhat better but I have to super vigilant and consistant in my food behaviour as she is not Completely out of the woods yet.
Life is really good as we are all learning by the grace of God how to communicate,express,eat and live life as whole people.
I still have vitamin issues and borderline low protein but we are working hard on fixing this (side effect of all this is I still lose way too much hair all the time)
I am so greatful to have had this surgery.It gave me a life I never would have had.It has helped me change a lot of the issues that kept me in one place.My motto of life is to be managed not to be cured still stands but have a different meaning altogether now.Mindful, intentional living is great!
The sleeve rocks
hi
I am not on the site a lot anymore as I am sooo busy.
But I said I would update anything that has to do with the VSG and here I am.
So,the burning and tingling sensation in my hands and feet seems to be peripheral neuropathy,ideopathic bu definetely caused by the surgery.We are doing extensive bloods at the moment to try and find some sort of deficiency.
This is nerve damage but the cause is still unknown.If it wasnt for the pain in my hands and feet at night I would not have been so franctic to find the cause but I qm suffering quite a bit.I am smoke free and my weight is between 158 and 163 but I am not really gaining or losing anymore.I would like to weight 154 but I am quite thin even at 160 so I am happy.
Well,I will post test results next week.Please pray for me as this is so scary.I feel if I have tight gloves on my hands and arms and my legs up to my knees as well.I know it is not life threatening but boy it drives you crazy as your arms and legs feel like they are asleep,just waking up.....lol.
Anyhoo,I am doing ok.Had a crazy crazy year and thank goodness I am thin.This made it possible for me to really cope with all that has happened and all the travelling I have had to do this year.
God is good,all the time!
xxo
In the beginning of Aprill I stopped smoking but started chewing the nicotine gum.I did fantastic while on the gum with not smoking.
But the gum gave me extremely severe gastritis.I started refluxing like crazy and had to stop using the gum.Now this is where my challenge started.One must never ever underestimate the power of an addiction.I have gained 6 pounds in the last month.Yes,boys and girls,all of the buffer weight I allow myself is gone,just like that.
What is worse I am eating like I have never had the sleeve.Dont ask me how.I just can.I am never uncomfortable.Never feel like I over eat.I think I just pace myself very nicely and keep eating all day long.
IT IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY TO FEEL THIS OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN.
My very worried friend brought me the number of a therapist who works with eating disorders and I am going to go and see her.It feels like before the sleeve when I just couldnt stop.I even eat chocolate,which doesnt taste particularly nice to me.BUT I HAVENT HAD ANY NICOTINE (since stopping the gum) in 4 days now.I ama super b***h,have fired my lazy housekeeper,put my kid on a bus instead of a taxi (she refuses to keep a budget) and gave the little one a permanent tv ban during the week.Everyone hates me but feeling like a maniac at least makes me a little more assertive than usual.
But this is sooooo hard.I have a huge oral fixation.My life feels empty and sad when Im not able to get a high from something I stuff into my mouth,all the time.Thank goodness I sorted the alcohol thing out with myself as this would have been the perfect crutch now if I didnt make the choice to never drink to much or too often.
Anyhow,this is to warn people.Get into that healthy life style.Exercise.See the shrink,deal with your issues or they will deal with you,like mine are now.
I am back on my chicken and am not gaining weight anymore.The evenings are just still a challenge as this is when I want to really smoke.I also need to turf this chocolate ganash that I have in the fridge and I will be ok.
My aim is to lose this weight in 2 weeks but I will tell this blog when the 2 weeks starts.My imediate goal is to just get over the smoke thing and stay quit.Boy I sometimes just want to say whatever and have a smoke but I know is is just practicing saying no to myself.Something I am not very good at and the reason I got so fat in the first place.
So,no!I will not gain more.No,I will not smoke again!No,I will not eat that chocolate (well,maybe a little...lol.)
10 days ago,while on holiday no less,I stopped smoking.It has been a challenge but I am not going to smoke again.I decided not to stress too much about my eating as I have visitors that eats nothing but junk and carbs.They do not eat any of the food we usually eat.For some reason this made me super self concious and I started cooking rubbish and eating it too.
Yesterday I weighed and was up 5 pounds already.This made me realize a couple of things.This is out life and my house.If they dont like the food we usually eat,let them either cook for themselves or go get takeouts.My kids have alos gained weight already and my little 12 year old is a gymnast and competition time is coming up.She cannot afford to gain weight now.
So I started cooking healthy foods again and I am down 2 pounds already.Avoiding the carbs just a little and sugar completely.Sugar is not my friend..lol.
The health issues are still there but as soon as the visitors are gone I will see the phycisian again.My hands and feet are a little better but I still have a lot of pain.The bruising comes and goes and the back and neck ache seems to be under control.
Life is good.I have decided to tackle issues as they come up and not regret anything about having the sleeve.I LIKE BEING THINNER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.it makes me feel great and I will keep it this way.No matter what.
We stayed at a stunning resort last week.There were these "toys" (a trampoline a bananna slide ect ect) in the sea.Usually I couldnt get on these things and would never even attempt to.But with a little ecouragement from the kids I got onto each and everyone of those things and we had a ball of a time.This again made me realize how different life is now.
Of course the fact that I fit into a size 10 (UK) freaked me out completely..lol.The size 36B bra is totally crazy as well.
So,this is me for now.Enjoying life,trying to find the balance with the food and just getting use to the new normal I now live.
Thanks for the responses!
Well,the burning and tingling in my hands might be related to the fine rash of blisters that I have started developing this week...I might have shingles after all! But till I can get to see the dr.I have started adding a lot of new stuff to my pills...lol. CoQ10,fish oil pills and extra vit D and some magnesium and extra vit C.
My hands still tingle but that terrible burn has been a bit better for 2 days now.The pain is also less.Got meself a tempur pillow to go with my lovely tempur bed and my neck feels a bit better.Decided to sit if I cant stand...lol.
I do really hope the bruising goes away just because and seeing as I cant fix these issues just like that,I must just learn to manage it day by day.Of course you can hear Im having a good day..relatively painfree and I had about 6 hours sleep last night..lol.
No seriously though!I was a fat,healthy person with the constitution of an ox...lol.It just overwhelms me sometimes when I realize I am taking pain killers every day or when I go shopping with my girls and have to bail out halfway...THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED IN MY LIFE! It scares me when I realize our dr's here in the UAE knows NOTHING about bariatric surgery!They question you when you say you have to do one year post op bloods.The vitamins we can find here is sub standard and something like bariatric viamins is unheard of.Even powdered vit D ( which I need as my D stays very low even with high D supplements) is not available.I am going to try and buy it with shop and ship and see if they confiscate it.
Ok,so tomorrow part 2.the great year I've had,how interesting maintenance is and what I do right and wrong now!
For the past week I have been thinking of what to write for my one year update.
Firstly,I dont regret having the sleeve as far having lost the weight and the way I am looking.It feels good to be thin even though I have loads of extra hanging skin.
But,and I am so sad that there has to be a but here...
I went into menopause at the age of 45 3 months after having the surgery.At the time my dr said it might just be because I am losing a lot of stored estrogen and the symptoms might disappear,but it didnt quite go away.I now have a period every 4 mnths or so and hotflashes,as they please.Horrible to be dealing with this now.Anyway,I am dealing with it.
I am bruised black and blue the whole time.Bruises that is clearly not casued by bumps as they are in such strange places.My bloods are all out of wack,different ones every time I have it done.The amount of pills I have to take is unreal.This would be fine if it wasnt affecting my stomach the way it does.I now have to add carafate to the PPi I am taking.As for the bruising,no one seems to know why this is happening and I am due for more tests in the next couple of weeks.The one thing that has also changed drastically is my lipid profile.My TC was never high,I had great HDL and LDL was normal.Now my HDL is super low,my LDL is super high and my Tc borders on high.Who knows how the heck that happens while losing 137 pounds?
About a month ago I started having symptoms of peripheral neuropathy.I dont want to comment on this too much as I am still inshock dealing with the burning,tingling and pain in my hands and feet.I hope this will go away with the supplements I am taking as I have no idea how one live with this indefintely without going stir crazy.
Just to top all this and make it more interesting,my neck,back and tailbone is giving me hell.I seem to be growing a hump om my upperback and the kids tell me I am bent like the moon.I have a lot of upperback and neck pain but the bad thing is I cannot atand for longer than a couple of seconds before my lower back is killing me.I can sit and I can walk,no problem.I just cannot stand.
I am extremely sad that things are not as straight forward for me as for others as it would have been nice to enjoy being at goal at this point.To have dealt with my fears about having plastics as I am almoat ready to so it I dislike my arms that much...lol.
However I am constantly trying to deal with some health fallouts at the moment.I am so scared that this will be my life now.Hands and feet on fire,a back that cause for me to have to sit down all the time.A neck that keeps me awake all night and to top that I look like I was in a bad accident or fight,all the time.
This all sounds so negative.But I might have gotten sick just from being fat if I didnt have this surgery.If only dealing with these issues werent so complex.If only there were some easy answers and fixes.I am a fixer.I am a doer.If something is wrong,fix it and most of my issues I cannot only not fix,I can hardly manage them.
Maybe in a couple of months I will find myself healthy.Painfree!Burn free!Free of bruises!Taking less than 15 pills a day.But for now I am a little fearful about my future.
And then I want to just delete this post as it isnt what I want things to be like and about.
But then I will leave it to read in a little while when things are better and the problems have been resolved.
Part 2 will talk about all the nice stuff...like wearing a size 36B bra..hehehe!And having bought a size 10,yes a size 10 broadshort, yesterday!Not all is bad and life does go on!
Have been MIA for a while.I returned 1 day before moving house and have been unpacking and sorting out stuff since then.
I have lost another couple of pounds and am at 158 most days.This seems to me the perfect weight for me.I am skinny.I really look thin.Even I can see it now.No more saddle bags on legs! Stomach is flat as a pancake,boobs non exisitent even thought they hang on my knees,no butt whatsoever..lol.
Life is good and I have been eating a lot of junk and still losing weight.Am maybe not eating as much as I think.
We love love love our new house.It has a huge lap pool with a jaccuzi and a sauna.It also has a lake view.Beautiful to sit putside or run next to the lake.
I will be seeing physician next week as I need bloods done.I am so bruised it is unreal.My back also aches like mad if I stand.Can sit,lie down and even walk and be ok but not stand in one place.My eyes seems to be soing ok and thecoated toungue issues continues.I have taken stuff for thrush numerous times to no avail.
All in all life is great and I am very happy.We are taking a short seaside break in a couple of weeks so I need new bathing suite and broad shorts.The arms I cannot hide.In fact my friend told me it makes me look old,nice friend,lol!So even if I never do my boobs,legs bodylift or facelift,I will so my arms.Then no one can see that I look strange for my age..lol
Will post when blood results are in and on the 13th.
This morning when I got up I thought I had a hard day ahead of me.Negotiating a lease for a new house with a super difficult landlord.I felt like eating and was in a bad mood cause I couldnt.
Now I am on my way to the airport to fly out to SA as my mom is very ill.This put everything into perspective once again.EATING IS JUST NOT THAT IMPORTANT.I ended up not eating most of the day as I was just to busy and worried about my mommy.We can so easily focus on the wrong stuff and the want to eat away problems is one of them,
Anyhow,my labs just sucked.Cant talk about it now but will post when I have time.But my bone density is normal.Great news.
Now to resist the airoplane food,I always seem to end up eating it though!
O,and I was at goal for a minute during the week.But just for a moment though.I did run twice and played squash twice.Will really start exercising when I get back in a couple of weeks.Now,to not go and be to emotional with the eating back home and while missing my girls will be the challenge.
The sleeve seems to ache a little tonight which I think is just stress.And I wonder if I did try to eat if I would have been able to.Interesting how restriction kicks in when stressed.
Ok,Im out of here!
Since surgery I have had an issue that I didnt discuss much as no one seems to have the same problem.
I get a thick white coating on my tounge and in my throat that has been driving me insane!It got progressively worse over the last month.
Yesterday I realized it must have soemthing to so with the milk Im drinking.I cut back on the milk,but not a lot,and because of this I became dry.I could feel my lips was even getting dry.So,I tackled a bottle of water,which I dont do often as I still struggle to drink water,and almost immediately the mouth started feeling better.
Today I cut the milk a little more and had a lot more water.My mouth was actually fine most of the day except tonight when I had a large cup of tea with lots of milk and didnt rinse my mouth immediately.I am now chugging some water and my mouth already feels better.I still dont know why the milk does this but I now realize that water is super important.Not tea,not crystal light but water.
My mission for this week is to double my water intake.The dr halved my BP meds and there is a powerful diuretic in it.Of course I will have to stay away from the scale for at least a week (hehehe...who am I kidding?) as I will go up in water weight.But they say the best cure for that is more water.Will also juice some celery and cucumber as it is a diuretic as well.
Went for a dexa scan today and some bloods.Vit D and A is low.LDL is still a bit high but HDL is also high,which is great!Will see what the B12 is like.
Ok,now tomorrow I am going to exercise.I think if I keep on saying it,it will be so!
Today I got a glimpse of you,yes you,the one I thought I left behind! You just never know when to stop do you?Once you start,you dont seem to have an end.And its carbs that brings you out,isnt it?You can deny it as much as you like,but I saw you!
Rusks,good old South African rusks,with nuts and seeds.And before I knew I was earing like I didnt even ever had surgery.Now I see how one can gain back all your weight.You just eat something every 20 minutes.A woman on a nother board posted recently that over the weekend she had eaten almost 100 pieces of chocolate,really truely that many!Rollo and such.I thought she was very melodramatic but not anymore!
I had about 4 slices of wurzel bread.(german bread that is a little thicker than a baguette) A large cup of butternut soup.Beef jerky,3 rusks and some chicken. (this is all the food for the day)Its the bread that I should not eat and the worm in my head that started after the first carbs that bugs me.
I will not keep doing this to myself.I feel horribly fat just because I ate like a fatty.
Back to my proteins.Thank goodness for chicken,meat and fish!
Even this far out and soooo close to goal,after losing fast for the past two months,I am now stuck again.
At just 2 pounds from goal!
This is frustrating as I did the chicken thing this week,no alcohol ect ect with zero results.It still messes with my mind when this happens..lol.I still doubt what I am doing and if I will be able to eat this little forever just to maintain this weight.
It does feel to me at this point that it is time to be finished with the weight loss phase.
My probiotics isnt helping for the constipation anymore and I have decided to start eating fiber one every day to see if this makes a difference.this will push up my carbs quite a lot but it is what it is.I can live with 2 extra pounds but I cannot live with constant constipation.I do not want to take stoolsoftners every day because I either drink to much or to little.Cannot find e dosage that is just right for me.
I will be doing labs and bone scan this week.Just recently I have been having a lot of aches and pains in my "bones".My back lower and upper,and my neck is constantly aching.It feels like I am curving more and more.As if my "frame" is collapsing...lol.My joint are also super achy like when you have flu.
Well,its weekend and my kids are sick so I am stuck at home.Bad thing for my eating as I am constantly wanting to eat something..lol.Will cut myself some slack for a couple of days though.
This is such an interesting journey.I am mostly happy and satisfied with myself at this point and that is great.I do worry about vitamins and calsium issues and will start working on a more organized way to drink the calsium 4 hours after the PPI and other vitamins staggered throughout the day.
Will report on labs next week!
Today My weight is the same than last week but I am doing good.No gin and tonics..lol,clean eating!
Cauliflour does not agree with me,even when pulverized in the food prosessor,dont know why.
ThenI decided to put what I ate in December,lost nearly 17 pounds in 6 weeks,into fitday to see how many of what I was eating.Calories worked out to 1200 plus per day.Fats were 55 plus and carbs were about 70.
At first I thought I must have made a mistake.But I did it twice and the results came out the same.
This is shocking as all I ate for weeks were the following.I would take chicken breast,cup into atrips or veal cut into strips or pork cut into strips and dust it with flour.17oz of chicken takes about a cup of flour.Then I would put olive oil in the bottom of the wok and fry it.When the oil was gone,I would add more!I didnt measure it but I am sure that it was a lot that I used!
Now,maybe I didnt eat as much as I think I did.Maybe I ate less of it after a week or so as usually when I eat protein only I gradually start eating less.I had 5 cups of tea with milk and 2 dolci gusto cappuchinos per day.Very little water,maybe one small bottel during the day and half at night.
With only 2 pounds to goal I am going to try that again this week.
At 10 and a half months out I do feel that I can eat more and should start weighing my food again.I ate like this because I regularly get a stomach ache when I eat veggies.Any veggies.I also cannot eat fruit as this causes acid even though I am on a PPI.
Now to just reach goal already and then to decide if I should drop more weight.Acouple of my friend's husbands no less,have commented that I am now getting to skinny.Thr girls just say they dont recognize me!I just wish I could see what other people say they see.(they might always be lying..lol)
I now wear a size 12 pants and top even though I havent lost more weight but it is very clear that my shape is changing,and not all for the good.I have saddlebags on my upper legs that appeared over the past couple of weeks and my boobs are now a size 36 C.One thing I never realized was that as we get older our waistline increases even when there isnt fat anymore.I use to be very curvy when I was young but now I am straight as a plank and my waist seems to have widened...lol.But I need to just get this weight loss phase over and done with now.It still takes up too much of the space in my head and I just dont want this anymore.
I had a bit of a realitly check today when I witnessed a motorcyclist die in an accident.Life is short and all this seems so much less important tonight and in the bigger scheme of things.Accepting myself and others and living life the way the Lord has intended fo me to do is what my focus should be on all the time.I am second!But while Im counting and weighing and logging and cooking and posting I do get a bit consumed with myself which is not the way I should live my life!
One more week to goal (positive self talk..lol)
At the moment I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that at 45 I am now in menopause.I love being thin but I hate the fact that the weight loss screwed up my hormones so badly!And I hate these hot flushes!
Of course the question of how fast am I going to age now is in my mind all the time.For goodness sake,I am skinny for the first time in 20+ years.I have planned plastics and a lot of other fun things.I dont want to start looking like a dried out old prune before I am 50.Then there is all the conflicting info on HRT.Increasing or decreasing breast cancer and stroke risk? So many studies contradicting each other that I have no idea what to do.You read about the weight gain after menopause and how difficult weight loss becomes and I think shoot,Im screwed!Makes me want to eat..lol
Then there is the issue of my tea.Now I can admit I have been super bad with water,just like the exercise.But this is also because every time I start drinking more water my weight bounces up 2-3 pounds and I feel swollen.Having said this I had to get off the tea.It causes constipation when drinking it in huge quantities and I never new that.I was drinking 5-6 cups of tea (400ml cups) a day and was chuffed with myself for having found a way to side step the water...lol.But every time I come back from holiday,I get constipated.Had to look at what is different when I am gone and it must be the tea!Read up on it a bit and I think the dehydrating effect of tea made the constipation worse.
Back on the probiotics and I had only 2 cups of tea today and about 2 liters of water.
Now,I have about 3 pounds to get to dr's goal and have tonight decided to just do it already.I am going to cut my carbs again from tomorrow and see if it works and if it doesnt I will cut my food allowance for the day until I see results.Then I will lose 10 more pounds to SHOW THIS BLOODY MENOPAUSE that I can do it.
Ugg,so my little plastics fund has increased now to include a facelift when the face actually collapse...lol
O,and I will start exercising more...lol
When I can figure this out Im gonna have it...lol
I've been feeling like having something nice lately,a constant thought.Just cant figure out what that is.Unless I retry everything,I dont think I'll ever know and that sounds like to much hassle to me.
I do miss some really yummy comfort desert.Like apple pie and cream!
Ok,just saying!
And Im down 128.2 pounds.Weighed in at 168.8 pounds today.Only 4 pounds from my dr's goal.Not too bad if I might say so myself...lol
Am still all over the place with the eating at the moment trying to find my "normal" again but plodding along which still seems to work for me.
I will start exercising.Ok,I dont even believe myself anymore.But I should,I know.Still playing squash twice a week though.
Have revised my goal for myself to 154 pounds.70kg's or maybe 69.8 will be even better...lol.I might take my time getting there though or then I might just decide to seriously low carb for 4 weeks and drop all of it in a month (lost 14.6 pounds from mid November to mid December and 6 from Mid Dec till now) I can be done but is it important to do it so fast at this point?I am going to wait with PS till sometime later this year so there is no rush now.
Things I need to work on.
1. Exercise
2.water.I dont drink water.I drink tea with milk.Lots and lots of it.I need to drink water.
3.vitamins.I need to have my labs done and take my multi every day with the extra vit A and C
Ok,thats it for now.
well,I took the advice of everyone that said relax and enjoy the holiday.I added carbs and enjoyed the good food,the wine and the company!
I lost 3 pounds in the past 3 weeks.HOWEVER,my hair started falling out again like crazy.I mean I flooded the bathroom this morning when I didnt notice my hair blocking the shower drain...lol
Obviously my proteins for the past couple of weeks must have been way too low.Having said that,I have been wanting to test my total protein for a while now as I have some signs of not absorbing enough protein.It might be a matter of not spreading it out enough during the day.Will urgently have to look into that because at 10 months out this is now freaking me out a little.
At the moment I am 6 pounds from goal.There is still way too much fat on my stomach and my thighs so I will drop my goal with 10 pounds.Will also take my time with losing this as I do not plan on cutting back my calories as drastic as before.I was eating around 1500 on holiday and felt energetic and my skin looks better.Having added the carbs have taken care of my constipation issues and I dont have this constant mild belly ache I've had since surgery.
My kids are constantly saying things like "mom,when you came to fetch me at gymnastics I thought you were someone else" or "mommy,you are so skinny now" this feels so great and I have started looking at myself in the mirror for the first time in many many years.I really dislike the fact that I have so much loose skin and a lot of wrinkles but I am starting to see me a little better.I dont always look fat to myself anymore.Sometimes when I walk past shop windows I notice myself skinny and sometimes By the next window pane I see the old me.Being very body dismorphic I suppose this will take time.
Lately I have been wondering how I will get the courage to go for plastics.I am blessed with the finances (have set up a plastics fund years ago that is so big now I can do a trip around the world with it..lol) but lack the courage.I am petrified of anasthetic and am actually a real coward.I feel ashamed of this when I read how some people really want to go for plastics but cannot afford it.Plastics in the UAE is a very dicey business as you cannot see before and after pics or dont ever really know how good the surgeons are as it is a very hush hush business.People often rather go abroad to do it but I cannot see myself being brave enough to do this.Anyway,maybe I will wait till summer and drag the whole family off to some strange country to have this done.Or maybe I will somehow become brave and do it here.I see that dr Diamond of the tv program is a regular visiting surgeon now,should maybe go and see him..lol
My surgeon really wants his patients to do plastics as he says his experience have taught him that in the long term,people that did the plastics tend not to regain much.The reason Im thinking of this is that in order to body sculpt you still need some fat.A friend that reached goal (her goal not surgeons goal) and exercised like crazy had too little body fat for them to fix her butt without implants.she came out smooth but without any curves or a butt.The weight of the excess skin of arms,legs,full body lift and boobs were less than 2 pounds.The dr did say he really wished she had a little more body fat he could have worked with.I will go for a consult with a reconstructive guy just for the heck of it when I have lost 6 more pounds to see what he says about this.
Anyway,I am yet to start exercizing seriously.I still play squash twice a week and do pilates reformer though.When I stop being so lazy I will go and train with the personal trainer that has been paid upfront 4 months ago already..lol
Life is good in lalaland and we're having the mildest winter in the 11 years I've been here.Now that I can wear cute winters clothes,it is 00:50 in the morning and I am sitting on my balcony without a jacket...lol
God is good all the time and I am blessed beyond measure.I thank Him every day for this surgery that has given me back my life after so many years of failure and self loathing for my lack of self control.
Ever since my surgery I've not once experienced that trigger of madness that carbs use to cause before.Until yesterday.
Everything was fine until about 17:00 when I decided to have a slice of christmas fruitcake.One slice became 2 and I thought I was fine.But I couldnt stop eating after that.I want to list what I ate,so that I can remember how easy it is to just slip right back into old habits if not cautious!
We came back to the B&B at about 18:00 and that is when the binge started.Over the next 6 hours I had 3 rusks (about 40 carbs and 200 calories each) one of those round lindt chocolates,5 blocks of fruit and nut chocolate and then I decided I needed protein (not!) and ate about 5 thai pork riblets.
Now Im not sure if it the gin and tonic I had before the fruit cake that made me not think things through or if it was just the sugar that triggered me.The thing that bugs me so much is that until yesterday,I couldnt touch chocolate as the taste was just to revoltingly sweet.It would make me feel so aweful.But for some reason in combination with everything else It tasted wonderful and I could munch away at it just fine.
Not having access to a scale today is driving me absolutely crazy now and I am wondering how AM I GOING TO PRACTICE WHAT I ALWAYS PREACH.I can eat a breakfast of 1 egg and a sclice of bacon but as for the rest of the day,the whole family's going to spend all of this day on the beach and I have no idea what food there will be.I find myself eating fried foods and not grilled (by choice,bad choice) and I have had quite a couple of french fries already this holiday.
Maybe I should first find out where I can weigh.Then I should see if I can find any shop thats open (small town,everything seems to be closed on boxing day) to buy some deli meat (ham or turkey if they have) and then I should just stick to 3 meals and a few beef jerky sticks as snacks.
No one seems to understand that being so close to goal,I dont want to gain any weight now.It is not a matter of just losing it again.I have to try to get to a point where I dont gain with every special event in life.
Anyhoo,no use obsessing about this as a lot is out of my control at the moment.This is why I prefer hotel stays to Bed and breakfast stays it is just easier food wize.
Ok,now to tackle the issue of 1.no umbrella for the beach 2. ME NOT WANTING TO EXPOSE MY FLAPPING ARMS,BOOBS AND LEGS in front of all these people today.
Happy holidays everyone!
Today I weighed 173 pounds.
At the moment I think my proteins are too low but its just because Ive been too busy to think of food.
Ive also added carbs back into my food but that means 3 french fries or a fishcake that has some potato in it.Or one home made South African rusk with my morning coffee.
When you eat on the run or when you are staying at someone elses house you sometimes just have to go with the flow or stay without food.
On sunday we are going to Cape Town for Christmas and new year and I will start doing one protein shake per day just to not bottom out with the proteins.
At 9,5 months out I think that if I was eating too much or stuff that was very wrong I might have started gaining.It seems to me trying to find that balance is really important and whereas a lot of people stay super low carb or very in control about what they eat,I want to believe that a balance might just do it for me for now.and this do seem to be a day by day process,for the rest of my life.
Its so stupid how being at my parents house and seeing them so old and frail can trigger me into some serious emotional eating.
Of course we cant eat a lot but I actually grazed yesterday for the first time since surgery.
Had protein meals,that was fine but I ate the following that I shouldnt have:
Crisps-about 10,a slither of milktart,twice!10 mini crackers with a pate on it and not little bit of pate,a lot.
A piece of quiche that had a flakey crust,which I ate.Dont have an idea what my cals were.
This holiday sucks so far.There was a crisis with the caregiver of my 82 year old diabetic uncle ( he's got senile dementia as well)My folks are old themselves but had to take him in for now,you cant abandon an old person to a old age facility just before christmas,that would just not be right.Problem is he need constant care and sits and sleep all day and was up all night making a huge racket.I sleep on a sleeper couch in the lounge (folks are in retirement village and mom freaks out if I want to stay somewhere else) so I am TIRED and get very little sleep.I am cleaning like mad as all the domestic servants go on holiday in December which I think is rediculous as they are not believers and dont celebrate christmas,which is a religious holiday as far as Im concerned.
Thank goodness I am leaving on Sunday for Cape Town.But then it is the crazy inlaws.Luckely I insisted on staying in a hotel apartment so I will have my own space and can get away when I need to.
It is just so sad to see the family getting so old.Even sadder to see how little time working folks have for themselves and others.
But the point remains that I cannot allow myself to feel so guilty about my life and feel so bad for them that my only response is eating.Life will be full of challenging situations in the future.My coping skills will have to change if I want to keep my weight down.
Will post my weight when I can get to a scale a little later.
Immediately after arriving I realized it will be a battle to get through this week without eating off plan,just because of the way my family eats.
My mom and sister have gained a lot of weight since I saw them in July.Sis because she had bilateral foot ops and cannot walk properly and mom because she is so stubborn.She needs knee replacement and Have issues with her foot after a failed surgery.
They both know that for them it is the little calorie additions that makes them gain weight.They've never been very fat like I was but they both lost quite a bit of weight with mindful eating.Cutting all the extra unneccessary calories.For instance.
When I offered to make tea they all wanted juice.And not little glasses of juice,huge ones.They also joked around about still being hungry after lunch,hauling out a christmas cake and eating huge pieces of it.I know they are a little self concious about trhe fact that I have lost so much weight.But they once again try to make out as if it happens by itself and I am so lucky!
Nothing to do with luck.I dont eat the junk they do.Not even in small portions.of course I will eat when we go out but I dont have coke or juice with it and I dont have to have a dessert anymore every time I eat.I NOW CHOOSE WHAT I EAT AND ALMOST FORGOT YESTERDAY that I CAN ALWAYS CHOOSE.
Love them but this is not going to be easy.I have to not try and tell them both that they will walk easier if they dont gain in fact lose 20 pounds each.It is not my business and I will not make it mine.I just feel so sorry for them when I see them struggle to walk.
Anyhoo,will go shopping for food that is good food and seems a little holiday like,for them as well as myself.Things they dont buy for themselves.They will enjoy that.I cannot feel guilty for being thinner than them either.They make their own choices.But it is the first time in 25 years that they are heavier than me and boy there was a lot of clowining around about it yesterday.Made me feel embarrased and shy again.
Well,lets see how this day goes!
