One last thing for this day.
I follow a what have you eaten today threat on another forum and I must confess when I see the following I think they are lying....I am not saying they are lying,I am saying I think they are lying.I hope,hehe.
B: fatfree actimel.
L: 1 saltine cracker and 1teaspoon phili
D: beef-the size of a grape and quarter of a very small baby potato
This is at 3 months out and a sample only...not directed at a person,just an eg.
This is when I freak out at how little one can really eat and how on earth I am going to get mymind around that.I never had that kind of restriction with the band.Mostly it was all or nothing,like everything else in my life..lol
xxo
So,what I thought was a problem might turn out to be a blessing.
I dont know how big or how small the dr made my stomach...what can I do about it at this point anyway?
The fact that I can drink so much more and with such ease might turn out to be a blessing.I think if it is difficult to drink that in the long term,people will drink less.
In summer it gets up to 50 degrees celcius ( 130 farnheit) here in Dubai and you need plenty of water to not cook in summer.
I also know that I will use the next 12 months to teach myself how to eat and apreciate less but quality foods,for the rest of my life.
In the next few weeks I will join OA and I will seek the help of a therapist if neccessary.
This will not be just another food limited low carb diet.
At the moment I am struggling to do the protein.I am still on full liquids and the yogurt,soup and protein powder (1 scoop) does take me to 600 cals or more but not to 60g of proteins per day.
Must say,eating will be better for getting the amount of protein per day.
9 oz of fish,poultry and meat or eggs per day will give you the right amount of protein,I think.
You live,you learn!I dont know how to stay in the calorie limits.I DONT KNOW WHY!
The surgeon stopped my blood pressure meds the day of surgery.I take my BP every day with a meter that I thought was accurate.Well,let me tell you.It is not.I had a 24 hour BP meter and the BP is high.Had to start back on meds.At the moment at half the dosage than before.Will see if this is enough.
This is a comination pill and I suppose the diuretic in it has done its work.I have lost 5 pounds in the last 2 days.
Man,I will have to find a different way to roxk the weight boat every week.Mind you,I have also cut my carbs way,way back and have been eating chicken (trying to do food protein of 80g every day) almost 3 times a day.Tomorrow I will do fish..lol.When the weight stalls again I will have a high carb eat what you want day and then I will cut them way back again.
I really plan on starting the exercise in a little more formal way tomorrow.Walk away the pounds from Leslie Samsone sounds like a great place to begin.
xxo
and...I am trying to be calm and enjoy liquids...hehehe.
I can drink to much.Will chat with the surgeon tomorrow.Why can I drink so easily when my friend thats 2 years out cant....with her it slow,slow,slow!
Am freaked out about weight loss that isnt too gr8 but its coming down.
This is a crazy emotional road i've chosen,it seems.
O yes,I went for a proper walk today.
Xxo
I am weighing 234 this morning.
The weightloss have increased a lot in the last few weeks.Have not had losses like his since the initial 20.I am super happy.
A the moment I must confess I am eating very little.Hope it is enough proteins though.
I see a lot more hair everywhere but where it belongs lately..lol.What can you do about it?
Had a vit D jab and some blood tests last week.My B seems to slowly be coming down so I will take the sublinguals.D is still super low...struggling to get that up.
At the moment I am happy.I eat 2 times a day.Chicken pieces with salad or beef kebab with salad and feta or pasta with tuna (way more tuna and a tablespoon of pasta)My portion size stays the same.Half to 3/4 cup depending what it is.90 g of solid protein and I am really satisfied with wht I eat.
I still suck at the exercise.Squash twice this week and nothing else so far.maybe I should just go walk on the treadmill now.My body is like a jelly fish.And maybe I am being stupid about this to convince myself to do plastics the moment this weight is off.
Anyway,upwards and onwards.
xxo
when I am "good" and eat mostly proteins and little bit of carbs but snack my food during the day to get my calories my weight stalls but when I eat 3 carb rich meals per day,dont count cals or anything for that matter my weight starts coming off much faster...until I get paranoid and think I shouldnt eat carbs and change what I do......and then I stall.
Normal,very little amounts with protein shakes just seems to work better.
Weight 111.5kg's today
The sleeve rocks even though it completely confuses me.
xxo
Since having my one day bout of acid after forgetting my nexium I started doing research in how on earth am I going to get off the nexium without suffering from acid.
This whole thing about rebound acid is really scary to me.How on earth does the stomach learn to make less acid while being blocked?
Usually I take my calcium citrate at least 4 hours before or after my nexium.Hopefully the bone density wont be affected.Will go for check up soon.
At month 6,at the latest, I am goning to wean myself off the PPI's.There is some natural herbs that will help but I am also going to trust reducing from 20mg in the morning and evening to 10mg in the morning and evening will help prevent rebound.The problem is it seems that this furry fluffy feeling I have in the back of my throat is because of some acid.
I wll start taking probiotics from today and see if that makes any difference.
The most important thing is to
1.start taking a multivitimin again
2.take the calcium citrate every second day (gives me diaree so its a laxative as well and I really need it)
3.start taking B12 sublingual to not have injections anymore
4.get vit D injection every month till the D is up
And get enough protein every day.
At th momnt I am doing the protein,almost every day,the D injection tthe calcium citrate and had B12 injections until now.The multi the dr gave me contributed to my getting hotflushes so I stopped it.Have a different one that I will start drinking tomorrow.
Geeze,I never thought this would be so regimented as far as do's and dont are concerned.
Will start taking it serious though as I want to be healthy and get thin.
xxo
Now I read all these posts of women saying:"o,its so hard to get in enough calories" and I want to laugh my head off!!!!!!
It is the easiest thing in the world to get too much calories in one's quest to get enough proteins.
So you drink 2 protein powders and they are 360 calories.Then you have 1 cup of milk at 100 cals.Another cup of veg beef soup at 220 cals and look where you are already.I read of people keeping around 600 cals in liquid phase and it freaks me out as I am already over that.
I dont have a problem drinking anything.When the dr says 6 half cups of liquid something during the day as food,do you now wait 30 min before and after or do you not?then,like with me not being able to drink water,I have to drink tea and all kinds of stuff to get the fluid in.
I AM SO SCARED I WILL FAIL AT THIS.
I cannot wait to feel a little more like a human so I can just stop thinking about all this ALL THE TIME.
I really like things that are more of an exact sience...with this I just dont know what ia going on from one day to the next.
Its my birthday today and I decided to buy food from a place called limetree.They make the most delicious salads and quiche and of course,carrot cake.I bought 2 salads and 2 slices of quiche for 4 of us and I had a tiny bit of each...or thought I would have.
Since this morning i have had a tummy ache like I have gastritis. (know what it feels like as I had it often while I had the band).I had a few bites and fed the rest of my food to my 11 year old that came back from camp today and was starving.Then I cut the 2 slices of cake in half and for myself half of half....and it made me feel so sick.
Had a nice long bath afterwards and then at about 22:00 I decided that it is m birthday and I am allowed to eat..got myself a little tiny 100 calorie packet of sweet chilli ryvitas,minis, and low and behold,at about 5 and have been spitting it out ever since.Just like with the band the food just seems to pop back into my mouth..I dont vomit and the food is really clean just as it was when I swallowed it.
I have realized once again that I cannot at his point eat just to eat...even if it is my birthday.Food have to be more functional and the protein thing is something I will have to get right.
Sweet stuff makes me feel horrible and i seems nothing tastes as nice as before the surgery.
Maybe if I try to get a bit more serious about exercise I will feel a bit more serious about the adaptations I have had to make around food.I am just struggling a bit with the very small portion size...like I've said before,just when I get ready to eat I am full.
Ok,this day is over and maybe my tummy feels better tomorrow.
Today I started the day fast.I wanted to have yogurt with protein powder but could only manage some as it was just to sweet....hehehe,a first ever for me,something being to sweet to eat.
Went for tea with a friend and came home only at 15:00.I made a smooth protein thingy with 4 slices of turkey lunch meat which went down well.Only came home again at 19:00 and by then I had had quite a quite a bit of water but I also had a stomach and back ache like you wouldnt believe.the back ache is high up,where my bra is a little to the left directly behind the stomach ache.
Made some liquidized,strained soup and had that.wanted a little sweetpotato liquidized and really struggled with all this.Another first for me since this surgery.I never struggled to finish even a full cup of soup before.
I think that I should eat a little more frequently as it is only liquids,and I shouldnt be on my feet so much yet.
My one incision is a bit wet and red and if you see what the scars look like on the outside it makes you realize it is not healed altogether on the inside yet.
Tomorrow,I will make time to just sit every now and then.And I will take it a little easier.
I should also start tracking my intake a little better but I am super careful at the moment and actually know exactly what I am taking in.For future reference: 100ml yogurt,half cup turkey mousse,half cup strained beef soup,sweetpotato soup made with 120g of sweetpotato and NOT ENOUGH protein.about 40g in total.The calories were about 550-600 calories for the day.I am happy with this for now.
It ia just such a new thing for me to have to focus on protein drinks,food and fluids.Before we went to church this morning I had to have a cup of tea,make a protein drink,pack some water and some mushy lunch as we were going out directly after.
I just cant wait to start eating so I can have a protein bar instead of the drink and better even,to eat 65g of protein per day.
I have 4 more days of mushy food then a few weeks of soft foods.Just the fact that I will know how much I am ingesting is so much better than guessing how many cals my liquids actually have.
Must say,I am starting to love this smaller stomach,I ate a little sweetpotato today (mushed not liquidized) and I really felt full after 3 teaspoons full.I also notice I have less restriction at night than during the day...weird!
we will live and die!
As I am losing weight my life is getting better and worse.Isnt that just crazy?
How different could life have been if I was just able to get thin 15 years ago?What use is feeling like this anyway?
What I do know is I never would have allowed myself to be in the situation I am in now.Then the question of did I need to stay fat to keep myself "good" to be here comes up all the time?Which isnt useful either, I know.That I should have taken responsibility for my own life years ago is a fact though.
Mind you,my delightful youngest came in now and made me realize again that there is purpose in everything.I cannot even think what life without her would have been like.
On the upside,all this has excelerated my weightloss remarkably and I am so close to 100kg's now its unreal.It i ao atrange that I lost weight ao slowly while I was still weighing and measuring and counting carbs and cals but when I became preoccupied with life itself and didnt have the mental energy to do that anymore,the weight started dropping off.
Upwards and onwards christian soldiers!When I have lost 60 pounds I will post pics.
There's been a lot of things going on in my head over the past 3 weeks.I have to come to terms with a lot of stuff.Being mindful has never being one of my strong points.The moment something gets emotionally uncomfortable,I would just retreat in my mindless world of eating.Since I cannot do that anymore I have been going through a bit of depression I think.
I have to face the fact that I just dont heal as fast as I wanted to.When I walk I still get this pain in the back...really badly.The white coating on my tongue is a nightmare for me.I struggle to swallow and hate this fluffy feeling I have in the back of my throat.It should go away at some point,I cant wait!
Being of the kind that always thinks I know better than everyone..lol..I planned on doing my protein with food only.Now I am on soft foods I thought I would do it for sure!Well,its not happening is it?I can do quarter cup of food at a time.I opened different cans of stuff (expensive stuff!) that I kind of feel obligated to eat,but it takes days to finish a can.I will start cooking clean foods from today so I can see how many calories and proteins I am really eating.the past 2 days I did a protein bar per day that is calories that I consume and then I didnt feel like food.
This is really more difficult than I thought it would be.Getting on with my life is difficult.Planning everything ahead of time is what gets to me.
My head knows it is going to get easier.My lying deceiving heart is just petrified that I will not lose weight.
well,tomorrow will be my first stay in a hotel since the sleeve so we will see how I handle the eating thing.I am taking stuff like beef jerky and string cheese for snacks and a protein drink,new one that comes in sachets from WIN.25g protein in 120 calories,very low in fat and carbs.
I am so hopeful that I will have a big loss again soon.
This coming week I will start doing some weight training and I am considering getting a personal trainer for a few months...I am goingto start reformer pilates next sunday as well.
Ok,here goes self discipline over the next few days.thank goodness sweet stuff makes me feel sick at the moment.
Realizing that I didnt talk about the surgery itself much,that is what I will do today.
But first: surgery day was on the 13th of March 2012. I weighed 287 on surgery day,292 for the first week post op and I am 267.5 today.....almost 20 pounds down plus the extra I had in fluid weight after surgery.This makes the whole experience worth it....or almost.Last night I regretted putting of our road trip through the USA....I would have liked to have sampled all the different lovely foods that they show on cooking channel,and the food seems to be especially decadent in America....o well,too late now..LOL
Surgery day and day 1 after was extremely difficult for me. I was not really prepaired at all for what I experienced...even though I had the band before.But if I could survive that,any one can!
from tomorrow I am eating only food that come with a label to tell me the exact calories in it.That way I wll be sure that I dont overshoot on calories.100 ml milk only.No string cheese.
In all my life I have never felt as powerless as right now.I have always been abl to lose weight at a faster rate than now and no matter wha I do....it is just super slow.Up the cals down the cals,exercise, no exercise,more protein less protein....nothing helps.
I am feeling very frustrated about it and it is not even like a diet I can fall off of....lol
so for the past week I have been exercising seriously.With that goes the weight that gets stuck even though you expect to lose load just by sweating..lol
I am learning to make peace with the slow weight loss.I srill second guess myself all the time about food but I guess I am doing fine when all is said and done.
Now I just have to keep it up,eating good proteins and fresh veggies.
xxo
First,Takingmylifebacc,of course we will lose.We just need to be patient.
Tonight the topic came up again.Move,when,where,university,school,US/UK? And without realizing what I was doing it I told everyone it was time for bed.When the kids were in bed (and the grown ups in the villa too) I decided that I felt like something nice.I had heard that people will have some peanut butter,a tablespoon full I thought.But alas,me being me that wasnt enough.
I actually got some fat free or sugarfree cool whip and scooped the frozen cool whip like ice cream in a bowl,topped it with the spoon of peanut butter, climbed into a hot bath and slowly finished it all.AND THEN I FELT AS SICK AS A DOG!In fact I still do.
This sleeve is the most amazing thing.I will either learn or I will feel terrible...and it is great!Of course I will learn,I am not unteachable or stupid...mind you a week or 2 back I posted something similar I think...ok,so I hope I will learn!LOL
Emotional eating is a terrible thing.It has ruined my life for many years.Now that I cannot eat I often feel like I am so bored and I am searching for something.I will have to start exercising a lot more to help counter these feelings.
But,the sleeve rocks.Now that all this emotional stuff will be there all the time while decisions are made and with the move (difficult thing to do,very difficult this has been our home for 10 years,we love this crazy place) I will not be able to make myself fatter just sick if I dont listen...lol.but i will learn!
Today was a little more difficult for me as far as the drinking was concerned....I WANT TO EAT!
There,I've said it! Now,I will let it go!
I am constantly worried about calories.Being onw of the only people who still havent lost weight at 5 dys post op I am questioning myself seriously even though I know that is crazy!
Drinks for the day:
3 cups of clear beef soup.It has about 50 calories in each cup I think.
1 scoop isopure protein 110 calories
A small little bit of sf puding in liquids generously 70 cals
Then I had about 100 ml skim milk...dont know how much say 45 cals
And as an encore I had a mushroom liquid cup-a-soup for dinner 70 cals
Only about 30g of protein though.
That is a whole lot...almost 500 for day 5. My goodness.
Part of the issue is that I add something to all water as I have a real hard time drinking water.So I am sipping something all the time but it is not just water.
What is going to happen to me?Am I going to out eat this sleeve right from the start?How will I do when I get to eat?
I am so full of doubt and then I really struggle to understand the instructions for This pureed phase.
It says: half cup per meal
6 meals per day
30 minutes per meal
Water,broth,fat free milk,fat free gravy ( whatever that might be) PUREED POTATO AND PUTEED VEGETABLES.
Two weeks long,food must have consistency of a smooth paste or a thick liquid.add spicey or dairy slowly and in small amounts.
I am really stupid and will have to look up which veg will go down well.I will start cooking fresh though as my tumm never liked instant anything,even before.
Will also consult a friend that had the surgery the 28th of Feb. About what she ate.Lucky girl is now on stage 3 with soft solid foods.
Just hope the next week passes quickly and I can start to drive my car ( dont know when I can)
Stitches comes out next Saturday!
O well,another day another whatever..LOL
There are 2 things I have to accept at this point.
I make these minute little portions of soft food and then,just when I start to get into it,Im full.I am physically satisfied but mentally I am freaking out.I do tend to eat the rest of it later because of the head issue.And because if I dont I would also be one of the people complaining not getting beyond 300 calories per day.
Number 2 is the not drinking after eating.This is something I will have to start practising very seriously.I am not managing it now.I feel if I dont get a little sip of something when I finish eating all the food sits high in my esophagus and I cant get it down,even if it was only 3 baby bites.
One more thing.I've had this thick white coating on my tongue and in my throat since surgery.I put myself on mycostatin thinking it was thrush.Well,it didnt help,even high dosage of it.
Yesterday the pharmasist gave me daktarin gel and it seems to help.I take a 1cm piece of gel and gargle it and keep it in my mouth for as long as possible.The one thing that seems to make the coating worse is tea and sweeterner.I cut out the milk to see if it was the milk but it didnt get better without it.
The feeling in my throat is thich and fluffy and horrible.I really hope this goes away soon.
I feel great.I lose like half a pound every day still.Should just walk more.
Hehe,its because I want a big tasty burger to feel some pleasure from food that I hate the sleeve today.I want to eat all my stress away.
Before I often use to read about peoples problems (personal) that they found overwhelming post sleeve and thought they were making stuff up or were really some messed up people.Now since being sleeved I feel like my life has fallen apart and I am completely without coping skills at this point.
I dont want to leave Dubai at this complicated point in out life (my special needs kid is at uni here) and I want to eat.I am not saying I am eating,I want to eat.Over eating means a few bites to many at this point,thats all.I feel like I need to eat a lot of food,ice cream,chips,and more food.THE ONLY OTHER THING THAT MAKES ME FEEL AS GOOD IS WHEN I LOSE WEIGHT.
I am at 800 cals a day,exercise 30 minutes at least,drinking calsium,a little low on the water but not much.Getting the proteins doing all the right things and the scale is not moving.
Ok,so maybe I have psyco PMS at the moment.
xxo
It often seems to me that people make things up as they go along.Very often,depending on who they are talking to,the story changes to suite the audience.About events in their lives,about the way they feel about thing and the way they have experienced it.Human beings are great at self deception and deceiving....not always on purpose either.Often to make things seem better.Often to make ourselves look better and often because we just dont remember things the way they happened.I have friends that had this surgery and the way they remember the early days now is not the way I remember it at all,and I did go through this at some small level with them...what they ate,how they felt,how they reacted to things.
The purpose of my blog is to expose the way having a surgery like this makes me feel.What it does to me physically and my reactions to it.How it affects my every day life and what my expectations are.
Now,I live in a country where no one is prepaired to admit they had this surgery.Support group is in early developmental stage and my great therapist left abruptly in the middle of last year sans a 65 pounds regain from me and the surgery as a result.
I do not work outside of my house and I have a full time live in housekeeper.I have 2 kids,one at uni and one going to middle school next year.I have a lot of free time on my hands at the moment as a whole lot of my close friends left the country last year and the friends I have left are the people that we mostly eat with and have coffee mornings or tea with.That in itself is slightly challenging for me at the moment.Eating out,going to Friday "brunch" (lunch like on sunday) going to lunch with friends and eating cakes at coffee shops for some reason,mostly peoples birthdays or going away teas, are big passtimes for us here.o,when we are not to heavy or ashamed of the weight gains we also exercise together when we can agree on which class to do.Life as an expat is different.life in the middle east is different.It is a good life with lots of disposable cash and no family support structure and a lot of heartache over good friends leaving.It is a trancient society where no one ever really gets to know anyone too well...they will leave again so you just dont invest too much of yourself in people anymore...10 years experiencing all this teaches one how to protect your heart.All this might seem very trivial to some but I do not need to defend my life or justify the way we live anymore.This was the first thing I now had to overcome.This is my life and it is great.
We are blessed beyond believe with a wonderful church and wonderful people in church.Our kids are healthy and doing great.We have enough money to travel a lot and life in general...just great.
This surgery is a big thing in my life.I believe I am as positive as I can be about it.As for my feelings about the long term outcome.I know I will have to make this work.At the moment it is still a little overwhelming to me that it is school holiday and insteat of going to stay at a beach resort we will stay home...the eating thing is just to complicated for me at the moment.Summer holidays are coming up in little less than 3 months.This is the time of year we go back to our home countries for 2 months or travel to europe to holiday,how will I cope with that?The lack of routine always gets to me during summer and the family back home do not know about this surgery.
I am,and will go through all 120 different emotions every day and I will acknowledge each and every one of them.Pay attention to the good ones and let go of the bad ones.That is the way I will earn to deal with the new me.The me that cannot eat away pain.The me that constantly think about food.The me that realize that my hunger has always been in my head,and it feels no different now.
This is how I will overcome using food for fun and learn to be normal.I can feel all this and not react to it.Not act on it.Not give in to it.I will be honest about everything I eat and feel.
I will win this battle to become normal.
