First,Takingmylifebacc,of course we will lose.We just need to be patient.
Tonight the topic came up again.Move,when,where,university,school,US/UK? And without realizing what I was doing it I told everyone it was time for bed.When the kids were in bed (and the grown ups in the villa too) I decided that I felt like something nice.I had heard that people will have some peanut butter,a tablespoon full I thought.But alas,me being me that wasnt enough.
I actually got some fat free or sugarfree cool whip and scooped the frozen cool whip like ice cream in a bowl,topped it with the spoon of peanut butter, climbed into a hot bath and slowly finished it all.AND THEN I FELT AS SICK AS A DOG!In fact I still do.
This sleeve is the most amazing thing.I will either learn or I will feel terrible...and it is great!Of course I will learn,I am not unteachable or stupid...mind you a week or 2 back I posted something similar I think...ok,so I hope I will learn!LOL
Emotional eating is a terrible thing.It has ruined my life for many years.Now that I cannot eat I often feel like I am so bored and I am searching for something.I will have to start exercising a lot more to help counter these feelings.
But,the sleeve rocks.Now that all this emotional stuff will be there all the time while decisions are made and with the move (difficult thing to do,very difficult this has been our home for 10 years,we love this crazy place) I will not be able to make myself fatter just sick if I dont listen...lol.but i will learn!
Today I weighed 239 and I am happy to keep losing a pound here and there as long as I keep losing.
Things will be a little less hectic from next week and then I might try to go to the gym.
Good things so far.My hip is a lot less painful some days.I still walk like a duck after I've sat down for to long but I definetly have less pain.
I often sleep at least 5 hours before waking up lately and then I will mostly be able to sleep on and off another few hours.This is such a blessing as I have been struggling with sleep for the past few years.
My clothes are much loser fitting now and people have commented that its time to get new ones.Will wait a little longer though as it doesnt make sense to buy one size smaller and then to buy again in a month.
So for now I am not obsessing wirh the scale or with the eating.We've had a house guest for the past few months and I now eat a little of whatever I cook at night.
Another great thing is the fact that I am eating a lot less lately and I am happy with it.I am trying to not snack as much and I do realize that the more often I eat,the more often I want to eat.A head thing I know.
Some days I dont really know how much protein I did but the next day I will make up for it by drinking a shake.
Well,thats me for now.Still waiting for that 5 pound drop over night...lol
So i have realized that I am obsessive about weighing and measuring and proteins and carbs and my poor family is on a diet and have been since I have started the crazy measuring and weighing of everything in July.
I now have given myself a week off.And just now my 11 year old and myself will be going to the beach and we will have hamburgers on the beach for dinner tonight.
And we will be going out a few times this weekend and I will eat whatever,but not too much.
This is the only way I am going to find this satisfaction level that I had with what I was eating for the first 4,5 months.This also prevents me from nibbling and constantly looking for something nice,which I still dont know what exactly that is.
So,I will be relaxing a little until Sunday which is monday here and then I am going to start low carb and ruthless exercise program to gt rid of this last 38 pounds.
well,tomorrow will be my first stay in a hotel since the sleeve so we will see how I handle the eating thing.I am taking stuff like beef jerky and string cheese for snacks and a protein drink,new one that comes in sachets from WIN.25g protein in 120 calories,very low in fat and carbs.
I am so hopeful that I will have a big loss again soon.
This coming week I will start doing some weight training and I am considering getting a personal trainer for a few months...I am goingto start reformer pilates next sunday as well.
Ok,here goes self discipline over the next few days.thank goodness sweet stuff makes me feel sick at the moment.
Yes,last ***ht I had the fright of my life and decided to really start exercising.
I exercised yesterday and today.Still play a mean game of squash even with no energy!
Also did some arm and leg circuits and I can feel it!
Of course I immediately wanted food afterwards but had a cup of tea and will have a nice protein dinner!
today I will take some pictures for the first time post op.Its been 5 and a half months now that I've still been avoiding the pics.
My kid took some the morning of surgery (and some the morning after).
I might even post them if I can see a difference.Being very body dismorphic doesnt make life easy.I have to see myself with my mind and not really my eyes as my eyes still see me almost exactly the same,but with a lot more wrinkles and drooping skin.My head tells me 88 pounds is a significant weight loss.
S,lets see how brave I can be!
Today 2 years ago I had the sleeve.The best gift I ever gave myself.
Its been 2 years of the biggest ups and downs EVER.Sometimes when I read back what I wrote I know its been the hardest and the best 2 years of my life.
After surgery I found out that my happy little family wasnt so happy after all.I developed neuropathy on top of going into menopause and at any other time,my life would have fallen apart.
But having this new lease on life has given me the strength to deal with everything life has thrown my way.My little kid is weight restored,I have in the process dealt with my own eating disorder and life is really good today.
I have been maintaining my weight for the past +- 15 months and I look and feel great.My weight sometimes goes up 5 pounds and then I focus on proteins and bring it down again.I can eat anything and dont take PPI anymore.Of course my capacity is a bit bigger but I am vigilant all the time.I do eat little bits of everything and try not to snack too often.
Sometimes I do still consider plastics (ugg the arms is a big issue) but time and logistics remains a huge problem.And the fact that I am scared..lol
All in all life is great.I will keep posting at least once a year.And should I hit a bump in the road,I will come back to the site and get right back on track again.
There's been a lot of things going on in my head over the past 3 weeks.I have to come to terms with a lot of stuff.Being mindful has never being one of my strong points.The moment something gets emotionally uncomfortable,I would just retreat in my mindless world of eating.Since I cannot do that anymore I have been going through a bit of depression I think.
I have to face the fact that I just dont heal as fast as I wanted to.When I walk I still get this pain in the back...really badly.The white coating on my tongue is a nightmare for me.I struggle to swallow and hate this fluffy feeling I have in the back of my throat.It should go away at some point,I cant wait!
Being of the kind that always thinks I know better than everyone..lol..I planned on doing my protein with food only.Now I am on soft foods I thought I would do it for sure!Well,its not happening is it?I can do quarter cup of food at a time.I opened different cans of stuff (expensive stuff!) that I kind of feel obligated to eat,but it takes days to finish a can.I will start cooking clean foods from today so I can see how many calories and proteins I am really eating.the past 2 days I did a protein bar per day that is calories that I consume and then I didnt feel like food.
This is really more difficult than I thought it would be.Getting on with my life is difficult.Planning everything ahead of time is what gets to me.
My head knows it is going to get easier.My lying deceiving heart is just petrified that I will not lose weight.
Since having my one day bout of acid after forgetting my nexium I started doing research in how on earth am I going to get off the nexium without suffering from acid.
This whole thing about rebound acid is really scary to me.How on earth does the stomach learn to make less acid while being blocked?
Usually I take my calcium citrate at least 4 hours before or after my nexium.Hopefully the bone density wont be affected.Will go for check up soon.
At month 6,at the latest, I am goning to wean myself off the PPI's.There is some natural herbs that will help but I am also going to trust reducing from 20mg in the morning and evening to 10mg in the morning and evening will help prevent rebound.The problem is it seems that this furry fluffy feeling I have in the back of my throat is because of some acid.
I wll start taking probiotics from today and see if that makes any difference.
The most important thing is to
1.start taking a multivitimin again
2.take the calcium citrate every second day (gives me diaree so its a laxative as well and I really need it)
3.start taking B12 sublingual to not have injections anymore
4.get vit D injection every month till the D is up
And get enough protein every day.
At th momnt I am doing the protein,almost every day,the D injection tthe calcium citrate and had B12 injections until now.The multi the dr gave me contributed to my getting hotflushes so I stopped it.Have a different one that I will start drinking tomorrow.
Geeze,I never thought this would be so regimented as far as do's and dont are concerned.
Will start taking it serious though as I want to be healthy and get thin.
xxo
Today I weighed 173 pounds.
At the moment I think my proteins are too low but its just because Ive been too busy to think of food.
Ive also added carbs back into my food but that means 3 french fries or a fishcake that has some potato in it.Or one home made South African rusk with my morning coffee.
When you eat on the run or when you are staying at someone elses house you sometimes just have to go with the flow or stay without food.
On sunday we are going to Cape Town for Christmas and new year and I will start doing one protein shake per day just to not bottom out with the proteins.
At 9,5 months out I think that if I was eating too much or stuff that was very wrong I might have started gaining.It seems to me trying to find that balance is really important and whereas a lot of people stay super low carb or very in control about what they eat,I want to believe that a balance might just do it for me for now.and this do seem to be a day by day process,for the rest of my life.
On Monday I am getting my first overseas visitors post sleeve.We will be doing all kinds of stuff like a dhow dinner cruise,a dhow cruise to Musandam,a beautiful area in Omani waters where you snorkel and of course eat! A desert safari,and of course eating in the desert...o and lots more.This will be a real challenge for me as I dont know what to try and eat at events like these.Will have to think this through carefully.
Beginning of May is th next set of visitors...we are going to stay in a desert resort that makes the most devine food...o well,no better moment than these ones to teach me to accept my new life without th loads of food I always ate.
xxo
Our house guests are leaving in the morning,jippeeeee!
It is super difficult for me to eat out at present.I have to eat sooo slow when I do proteins like chicken breast or beef fillet everyone is finished long before I've had 2oz of meat.
Also,I got fed up tonite and ordered a chicken wrap,its cut in 5,and I ate one.Of course, its 23:30 and I rally feel like eating....bu I wont.
So,I have 2 eating out appointments over the weekend and one movie (biggest challenge ever not to try caramel popcorn... Hehe).Thank goodness going out will be with a future sleever and a RNY 2 years out friend...we can share,eat little and not feel strange about it.
Ok,nou for some more water.It is really hot now,over 100 most days and I am not getting all the water I need.will step that and the protein shakes up from tomorrow.
I saw the physician today.My blood pressure is still high.It i because I am smoking.Yes,I became a secret smoker again thia months.Will stop this week.Stupid to start again as It really doesnt help for the stress.At the moment I feel it is adding to my stress levels.So,I will make a day and just quit cold turkey again.Serves me right to suffer through this.
We did my bloods and I got my Vit D injection as it was very low way before surgery.Will do B12 sublinguals but he says injection is better.It is just soooo painful.
I am losing exactly 2.2 pounds a week.No more and no less.
Have made appointment to start exercising with someone so no more excuses for that.
I feel good and I dont think I am eating badly at all.Enjoying what I eat and trying to be satisfied with the amount.It seems to be working to be very mindful about the eating.
For this last month before the holidays I want to lose a little more.Hope that adding exercise,especially more cardio,will help.
Still no answers on the visa for the move so the stress is quite constant as it is now almost end of school year and uni has finished already.Am trying to be ok with not knowing anything but struggling a little with this,thus the smoking...and that is my excuse and I'll stick with it.LOL
xxo
It is 18 months since I was sleeved and I absolutely love my sleeve.I am 8 pounds under my goal weight which is a little to low (my face looks very wrinkly at this weight)
Have been in maintenance since about Jan Feb this year and it is so easy to maintain.I do have a strategy I live by though.
1.Weigh every morning.The scale is my friend and I allow myself at most 4 pounds up before I get backto basics.And as my weight never goes up gradually (it jumps up 4 pounds after a week or 2 of loss of fucused eating),it is always easy to get back to protiens for about 4 days and it is gone again.
2.Eat little bits of most food but protein as the primary food source.
2.No excuses when I gain.
3.Not denying myself but never OVER indulging either.
Now in this year a lot of very heavy emotional stuff happened in my life and to some extent I have to rebuild my whole life.The blessing of the sleeve is I couldnt eat away my emotions anymore and am learning to deal with it.I am also in therapy now.In my house everyone now eats healthy,regularly and we are learning to really enjoy food.My youngest child developed an eating disorder (she's only 12 now)for which the blame can be laid at my feet.My obsession with food,no,food,weight related issues coupled with a few comments like gymnasts who is lighter finds it easier in higher levels (she's level 8) have made her decide to self restrict her food and at first I thought I was eating much more as my food portions was all of a sudden the same size than hers.After cutting my food to almost nothing I realized that HER PORTIONS WERE AS SMALL AS MINE.
Anyway,it showed me my obsession have hurt my children and that they need me to eat with them,which I stopped doing after surgery.I also have to eat mostly what they eat.NORMAL is what I have to do even though my portions cannot be normal.She is doing somewhat better but I have to super vigilant and consistant in my food behaviour as she is not Completely out of the woods yet.
Life is really good as we are all learning by the grace of God how to communicate,express,eat and live life as whole people.
I still have vitamin issues and borderline low protein but we are working hard on fixing this (side effect of all this is I still lose way too much hair all the time)
I am so greatful to have had this surgery.It gave me a life I never would have had.It has helped me change a lot of the issues that kept me in one place.My motto of life is to be managed not to be cured still stands but have a different meaning altogether now.Mindful, intentional living is great!
The sleeve rocks
237 this morning! Thats 50 pounds!
On the downside I had a little very diluted wine last night and heartburn at 4 this morning.So,I am now finished with alcohol.Dont need it anyway.BUT I also added acidophyllis and a B12 sublingual and a folic acid to my vits last night.That,with the wine and a not low in fat pork sausage,might have just freaked out my poor stomach.
Will wait 1 day then start back,one by one,the following:
1.multi vit in the morning with acidophyllis.
2. Calcium + magnesium citrate at lunch
3.B12 a 16:00
Will see how it works.I am a very undisciplined person that is a real scatterbrain and tend to forget stuff way to often.Will try to be good!
On the food side.I think I am losing because I am eating very little.Having said that there is the odd day now that I dont make my proteins and should step that up a little.
xxo
hi,thanks for the great suggestions!I have had a good food day and I tried to drink more water.I now have the lipbalm and that seems to help as well.
I counted a little calories (hehe) and found that I was drinking 5 cups of coffee or tea with milk every day.That didnt help.The carbs also went over 100 every day.What stumped me is the fact that my weight can go up when I eat 1300 cals a day.It petrifies me to think I will have to eat this little for ever.HOWEVER,I have realized that if I exercise it is different.Of course this makes me understand the importance of exercise once again.
I need to stop worrying so much about this.Of course I want to lose weight on holiday but if it can just stay stable I will be thrilled.It was the right choice not to come to SA for the usual 2 months and in 2 weeks I will be home again and will start with a personal trainer.
All this just makes me a little depressed as I realize once again that this is a life long battle.I will have to change my attitude about food and stress and I will have to work on my coping skills.
O well,Rme wasnt built in a day and I will get this!I want to succeed and I feel that thi is already a big change in me.
xxo
http://www.fitday.com/fitness/FoodLog.html
I decided to put my food log in my blog and on my signature to help keep me accountable.I could do less calories by reducing milk,cheese and carbs in general.Why can I eat so much?
At the moment I have to just sit down.We played squash for and hour and 15 minutes as hard as we could.From this day forward this excuse that I am tired,dont have energy,have pain has got to stop.A friend that never ever use to beat me now whips my behind.When I have played a hard game my toes are usually sore( bumping against the front of the shoe when I break suddenly..lol) and I havent had a sore toe since surgery...so exercise,here I come.
Tomorrow morning I am starting pilates classes,Monday night I've got a game lined up,Tuesday I will just do walk away the pounds,and so on and so forth.I will also start doing some light weight training as my arms are so flabby they seem to be getting bigger!Exercise might not help for the skin but it does make them thinner.
I keep wondering why I am so resistent against the exercise after the surgery.I always use to joke I am the fittest fat person on earth and yet since surgery I just dont feel like exercising.
Thanks for the responses!
Well,the burning and tingling in my hands might be related to the fine rash of blisters that I have started developing this week...I might have shingles after all! But till I can get to see the dr.I have started adding a lot of new stuff to my pills...lol. CoQ10,fish oil pills and extra vit D and some magnesium and extra vit C.
My hands still tingle but that terrible burn has been a bit better for 2 days now.The pain is also less.Got meself a tempur pillow to go with my lovely tempur bed and my neck feels a bit better.Decided to sit if I cant stand...lol.
I do really hope the bruising goes away just because and seeing as I cant fix these issues just like that,I must just learn to manage it day by day.Of course you can hear Im having a good day..relatively painfree and I had about 6 hours sleep last night..lol.
No seriously though!I was a fat,healthy person with the constitution of an ox...lol.It just overwhelms me sometimes when I realize I am taking pain killers every day or when I go shopping with my girls and have to bail out halfway...THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED IN MY LIFE! It scares me when I realize our dr's here in the UAE knows NOTHING about bariatric surgery!They question you when you say you have to do one year post op bloods.The vitamins we can find here is sub standard and something like bariatric viamins is unheard of.Even powdered vit D ( which I need as my D stays very low even with high D supplements) is not available.I am going to try and buy it with shop and ship and see if they confiscate it.
Ok,so tomorrow part 2.the great year I've had,how interesting maintenance is and what I do right and wrong now!
of course the old me was just lurking around the corner just to pop out its head when I least expected it...lol
My friend came home tonight,after the housekeeper had made everybody else meal,cottage pie with a sweetpotato twist (and I had made my fish) and said she was opening a bottle of my favourite red wine...and of course I wanted a glass.So she ha one glass and I ended up having 2 and some of their dinner not my fish.
At this poin I have realized how hard I have actually been on myself over the past 6 months.I dont eat carbs (well,no carbs thats not in green veggies or salad veggies) I dont eat sweets or chocolates,ever.I dont eat crisps or ice cream.I really stick to my plan 99% of the time.Sometimes I eat too much fish or too much chicken (not at once but I will snack on it as well) I am actually good as gold with the eating plan except for once a month when I go to the movies and have some caramel popcorn (shared with someone)O,and I do have a snack of chilly bite beef jerky (very salty) at least 4 days a week.
I exercise all the time now.I am really very good and 99 pounds in 6.5 months is npt too shabby at all.
But every time I stall,and this last time I just started losing very very slowly,I am convinced that I am doing something wrong and will fail.
My choice is to put tonight behind me.I enjoyed my wine and my food and I will really try not to weigh for the next two days at least.
And tomorrow night we will do maybe a 5km run and be back on track for the next 5 pounds loss.
I am stoked to work super hard to lose the 35 pounds I still have to lose.
from tomorrow I am eating only food that come with a label to tell me the exact calories in it.That way I wll be sure that I dont overshoot on calories.100 ml milk only.No string cheese.
In all my life I have never felt as powerless as right now.I have always been abl to lose weight at a faster rate than now and no matter wha I do....it is just super slow.Up the cals down the cals,exercise, no exercise,more protein less protein....nothing helps.
I am feeling very frustrated about it and it is not even like a diet I can fall off of....lol
This morning when I got up I thought I had a hard day ahead of me.Negotiating a lease for a new house with a super difficult landlord.I felt like eating and was in a bad mood cause I couldnt.
Now I am on my way to the airport to fly out to SA as my mom is very ill.This put everything into perspective once again.EATING IS JUST NOT THAT IMPORTANT.I ended up not eating most of the day as I was just to busy and worried about my mommy.We can so easily focus on the wrong stuff and the want to eat away problems is one of them,
Anyhow,my labs just sucked.Cant talk about it now but will post when I have time.But my bone density is normal.Great news.
Now to resist the airoplane food,I always seem to end up eating it though!
O,and I was at goal for a minute during the week.But just for a moment though.I did run twice and played squash twice.Will really start exercising when I get back in a couple of weeks.Now,to not go and be to emotional with the eating back home and while missing my girls will be the challenge.
The sleeve seems to ache a little tonight which I think is just stress.And I wonder if I did try to eat if I would have been able to.Interesting how restriction kicks in when stressed.
Ok,Im out of here!
212 pounds.Started the exercise thing a while ago and the weight just stalled.It almost made me stop again.However the jellyfish thing doesnt do it for me any longer so now I exercise...lol
Whenever I drink a multivitamin I am thinking of food all day and extremely peckish!I hate that feeling so now I have gotten kiddie chewies and eat 2 in the morining,2 in the afternoon and 2 much later.That way the appetite is not affected so badly!
This is not so easy.I am starting to understand more and more that certain factors will make us want more food.And I am not talking about head hunger.This feeling when I drink the vitamins are physical not doubt about that.
The question is how to deal with that.I believe that snacking on carrot sticks and cucumber (blegh!) and frozen mixed veg (yummie,it is green giant mix of green peas,green beans,carrots and sweet corn...low in cals great taste when frozen!) will be ok eventually.
Doing plastics,according to my dr,will reduce the amount of fat cells I have and will also help with the rate at which I will pick up weight in the future.He atill maintains if I did the plastics 7 years ago after losing 120 pounds,I would not have regained so much weight again.
I cannot wait to be under 200.I stopped right at 200 (ok,was 198 for about 15 seconds) when I had the band,
My friend is exercizing with a personal trainer.He said he would give us a "family package" and come to our house to train my daughter,my friend and me.I am thinking that kind of spoils the fun...should be at the gym!
Will start trying kick boxing or body combat again in a while.Most important is to start pilates reformer again.Best toning one can ever,ever do!
Ok, enjoy your food everyone!
