Have been MIA for a while.I returned 1 day before moving house and have been unpacking and sorting out stuff since then.
I have lost another couple of pounds and am at 158 most days.This seems to me the perfect weight for me.I am skinny.I really look thin.Even I can see it now.No more saddle bags on legs! Stomach is flat as a pancake,boobs non exisitent even thought they hang on my knees,no butt whatsoever..lol.
Life is good and I have been eating a lot of junk and still losing weight.Am maybe not eating as much as I think.
We love love love our new house.It has a huge lap pool with a jaccuzi and a sauna.It also has a lake view.Beautiful to sit putside or run next to the lake.
I will be seeing physician next week as I need bloods done.I am so bruised it is unreal.My back also aches like mad if I stand.Can sit,lie down and even walk and be ok but not stand in one place.My eyes seems to be soing ok and thecoated toungue issues continues.I have taken stuff for thrush numerous times to no avail.
All in all life is great and I am very happy.We are taking a short seaside break in a couple of weeks so I need new bathing suite and broad shorts.The arms I cannot hide.In fact my friend told me it makes me look old,nice friend,lol!So even if I never do my boobs,legs bodylift or facelift,I will so my arms.Then no one can see that I look strange for my age..lol
Will post when blood results are in and on the 13th.
i just read the scariest thread on OH.
A lady,4 years and 8 months out and gaining rapidly.Feeling lost and having no idea how to get out of the mud.She is back to not really knowing how she will lose the weight again.
This scares me senseless! What if what I think is mindful changes is just a matter of not being able to eat a lot?What if the WANT to outeat the sleeve starts in me too?How am I going to do this in the long term?I dont want to be on diet for the rest of my life.
I can do what I am doing now for the rest of my life,IF ONLY IT WORKS!
The problem does seem to be eating around the sleeve.Eating constantly,eating junk like crisps and a lot of carbs and sugar.But what if the changes I feel,like not depriving but not over indulging,keeping a good balance,saying no to myself to bad stuff most of the time,isnt real?
What if I am not learning to eat like a normal skinny person?
How do we know what will work for the FOREVER we need?
I am really freaked out by this as I saw a therapist for a year.In that year she aimed to teach me what normal was.I lost 70 pounds in 6 months and then went on holiday to the family.My brother and me had an argument and he seriously hurt my feelings.It was 4 days before I was to come home.I GAVE MYSELF PERMISSION to eat emosionally just for those 4 days until I could get away from them and I LOST NORMAL in those 4 days.I never could get back on track and it took me about 3 months to regain all 70 pounds again.This was 2 years ago.
What if this happens again.Of course I have the resolve to not let it.Maybe that is another reason to have all the plastics done.Arms,legs,tummy,boobs.If I gain a 100 pounds then I will surely explode and that will just be the end of that!
Now I have to try and calm down to sleep!
Immediately after arriving I realized it will be a battle to get through this week without eating off plan,just because of the way my family eats.
My mom and sister have gained a lot of weight since I saw them in July.Sis because she had bilateral foot ops and cannot walk properly and mom because she is so stubborn.She needs knee replacement and Have issues with her foot after a failed surgery.
They both know that for them it is the little calorie additions that makes them gain weight.They've never been very fat like I was but they both lost quite a bit of weight with mindful eating.Cutting all the extra unneccessary calories.For instance.
When I offered to make tea they all wanted juice.And not little glasses of juice,huge ones.They also joked around about still being hungry after lunch,hauling out a christmas cake and eating huge pieces of it.I know they are a little self concious about trhe fact that I have lost so much weight.But they once again try to make out as if it happens by itself and I am so lucky!
Nothing to do with luck.I dont eat the junk they do.Not even in small portions.of course I will eat when we go out but I dont have coke or juice with it and I dont have to have a dessert anymore every time I eat.I NOW CHOOSE WHAT I EAT AND ALMOST FORGOT YESTERDAY that I CAN ALWAYS CHOOSE.
Love them but this is not going to be easy.I have to not try and tell them both that they will walk easier if they dont gain in fact lose 20 pounds each.It is not my business and I will not make it mine.I just feel so sorry for them when I see them struggle to walk.
Anyhoo,will go shopping for food that is good food and seems a little holiday like,for them as well as myself.Things they dont buy for themselves.They will enjoy that.I cannot feel guilty for being thinner than them either.They make their own choices.But it is the first time in 25 years that they are heavier than me and boy there was a lot of clowining around about it yesterday.Made me feel embarrased and shy again.
Well,lets see how this day goes!
There are 2 things I have to accept at this point.
I make these minute little portions of soft food and then,just when I start to get into it,Im full.I am physically satisfied but mentally I am freaking out.I do tend to eat the rest of it later because of the head issue.And because if I dont I would also be one of the people complaining not getting beyond 300 calories per day.
Number 2 is the not drinking after eating.This is something I will have to start practising very seriously.I am not managing it now.I feel if I dont get a little sip of something when I finish eating all the food sits high in my esophagus and I cant get it down,even if it was only 3 baby bites.
One more thing.I've had this thick white coating on my tongue and in my throat since surgery.I put myself on mycostatin thinking it was thrush.Well,it didnt help,even high dosage of it.
Yesterday the pharmasist gave me daktarin gel and it seems to help.I take a 1cm piece of gel and gargle it and keep it in my mouth for as long as possible.The one thing that seems to make the coating worse is tea and sweeterner.I cut out the milk to see if it was the milk but it didnt get better without it.
The feeling in my throat is thich and fluffy and horrible.I really hope this goes away soon.
I feel great.I lose like half a pound every day still.Should just walk more.
first,the hotel stay was great.Buffets are just difficult now as of course I wanted to eat and in fact I had half a flat bread toastedwhich I wouldnt usually do.
Anyway,it is what it is...we travel a lot and I have to get use to it.
On the 5th I was 249 pounds.I find the weight loss painfully slow.I can not understand that I lose this slow.Whenever I diet I lose a lot faster and this is like a super strict mostly low carb diet,WHY IS THE WEIGHT LOSS SO SLOW?
it drives me nuts.Having said that,I am not really exercising at all....maybe that really will make a difference.
xxo
Its so stupid how being at my parents house and seeing them so old and frail can trigger me into some serious emotional eating.
Of course we cant eat a lot but I actually grazed yesterday for the first time since surgery.
Had protein meals,that was fine but I ate the following that I shouldnt have:
Crisps-about 10,a slither of milktart,twice!10 mini crackers with a pate on it and not little bit of pate,a lot.
A piece of quiche that had a flakey crust,which I ate.Dont have an idea what my cals were.
This holiday sucks so far.There was a crisis with the caregiver of my 82 year old diabetic uncle ( he's got senile dementia as well)My folks are old themselves but had to take him in for now,you cant abandon an old person to a old age facility just before christmas,that would just not be right.Problem is he need constant care and sits and sleep all day and was up all night making a huge racket.I sleep on a sleeper couch in the lounge (folks are in retirement village and mom freaks out if I want to stay somewhere else) so I am TIRED and get very little sleep.I am cleaning like mad as all the domestic servants go on holiday in December which I think is rediculous as they are not believers and dont celebrate christmas,which is a religious holiday as far as Im concerned.
Thank goodness I am leaving on Sunday for Cape Town.But then it is the crazy inlaws.Luckely I insisted on staying in a hotel apartment so I will have my own space and can get away when I need to.
It is just so sad to see the family getting so old.Even sadder to see how little time working folks have for themselves and others.
But the point remains that I cannot allow myself to feel so guilty about my life and feel so bad for them that my only response is eating.Life will be full of challenging situations in the future.My coping skills will have to change if I want to keep my weight down.
Will post my weight when I can get to a scale a little later.
Even this far out and soooo close to goal,after losing fast for the past two months,I am now stuck again.
At just 2 pounds from goal!
This is frustrating as I did the chicken thing this week,no alcohol ect ect with zero results.It still messes with my mind when this happens..lol.I still doubt what I am doing and if I will be able to eat this little forever just to maintain this weight.
It does feel to me at this point that it is time to be finished with the weight loss phase.
My probiotics isnt helping for the constipation anymore and I have decided to start eating fiber one every day to see if this makes a difference.this will push up my carbs quite a lot but it is what it is.I can live with 2 extra pounds but I cannot live with constant constipation.I do not want to take stoolsoftners every day because I either drink to much or to little.Cannot find e dosage that is just right for me.
I will be doing labs and bone scan this week.Just recently I have been having a lot of aches and pains in my "bones".My back lower and upper,and my neck is constantly aching.It feels like I am curving more and more.As if my "frame" is collapsing...lol.My joint are also super achy like when you have flu.
Well,its weekend and my kids are sick so I am stuck at home.Bad thing for my eating as I am constantly wanting to eat something..lol.Will cut myself some slack for a couple of days though.
This is such an interesting journey.I am mostly happy and satisfied with myself at this point and that is great.I do worry about vitamins and calsium issues and will start working on a more organized way to drink the calsium 4 hours after the PPI and other vitamins staggered throughout the day.
Will report on labs next week!
So my friend and myself are in a stall.She is back on liquids and I am eating more often and more from today!So for this day,no calorie counting.
Tomorrow I will start with 1000 calories every day and maybe it will help.
Xxo
So we are born again christians that have this little tradition to celebrate a traditional seder meal and this happened tonight at our house.
The lamb(a whole one) was cooked by a friend that is a chef and it was as soft as you could ever get lamb.I had to have some.So,I had 2oz of lamb,1 teaspoon of hummus,one teaspoon of mutabol,1 teaspoon of garlic cream.Well I took longer than the allowed time to eat it and I had to drink some tea to help soothe my belly.Now I didnt finish the hummus,motabol or garlic cream...just had a tiny liitle of each and the idea that I could eat even just 4 bites were fantastic.
There is still a quarter of the most tender lamb left and I found my little one in the kitchen scoffing some lamb.A that moment I really regretted not being able to do the same.I went and made myself a cup of tea.
xxo
So here we are on our way for another weekend away at the beach.At the moment I have a bad cold and flu.Didnt take any meds until just now.
I got some loritadine with pseudo noreffedrine (or something like that) Wasnt sure what it would do to my tummy and an hour and a half later I know it still doesnt like meds.Will take some nose spray and panadols from now on as I dont like this full swollen feeling I have on my tum now.
The fabulous thing is I HAVE LOST MY APPETITE now for aver a week.I think for the first time ever.After the sleeve I never once didnt feel like earing,now I just cannot even look at food.The bad thing is for the first time I am not getting enough protein and seeing as my hair is still falling out at 8 months,this is a bit of a worry.
Because I have severe bathroom issues since the sleeve my main focus is protein with ispagulla husk and vitamins as I am not absorbing the vits very well at all.When some labs looks ok,others drop.After reading some newish studies on iron deficiency 3 years out,I am very concerned about this.Iron supplements causes constipation for me and I cannot take it at all as an addition.Now,trying to eat enough food with enough iron seems quite impossible at the moment.When I eat enough iron rich veggies,I cant get enough protein.When I add the fibre supplement,it keeps me full for hours and hours and cannot eat enough of anything.
We dont find fibre gummies here and to import it I will have to permission from the ministry.Which I will tackle next week as why cant I just order it online and import it?There is a list of banned medications as long as life itself and I will have to check and see if fibre gummies is on the list...lol
I sometimes dont think people in the US realize how lucky they are to have all the resources that they do.Life is so much harder without some things.
At least the hotel food sucks so badly (really bad food for a 5 star) that I wont be tempted to eat too much.What is a challenge for me is the pina quiladas that I like way too much.Dont like other cocktails so am not tempted but this place makes a mean PQ.And the weather is stunning.Hot,but not too hot,clear skies!
This morning my weight was 188.Slow now,but at least coming down all the time.
I also finally arranged to work out with the personal trainer from monday next week as the holiday is around the corner and I am still like jelly!Hope I can at least tone some in the next 6 weeks.
Sometimes I do worry about the long term problems I see people have with the sleeve.Many have iron issues and others have GERD.I pray that the Lord have mercy on me as I dont know if my very expensive private expat medical insuarance will ever pay for anything related to the surgery.It is not always non compliance that causes complications sometimes its just bad luck.But it surely seems like a very fine balancing act to get enough protein,firbre and the correct amount of every vitamin we need.I think maybe drinking a protein shake every day forever might help some of the issues but not all of it.And not ever eating the food that I know will cause reflux (lots of experience with this and food does make a huge difference even though some people will not admit it)
Ok,long update.But quite necessary to see I have to go and get those protein pancakes with fibre that I made for breakfast (its almost dinner time here) and eat them.It feels somewhat aurreal to me to have to force myself to eat.Wish it could stay like this until goal!
So I worked out if I have 2 oz of lamb 3 times today I will get 45g of protein.With one shake it will be 70g
and I will be good to go.Well,this sleeve doesnt like that much meat at all.I had 1.5oz and another 1.5oz and voila,reflux.Then I realized I had forgotten to take my nexium this morning.
Well,my old default is 3oz of sweetpotato and well,the reflux is gone and I feel ok.
You live,you learn.
I must say I am still stunned at how little I can eat.It takes a lot of getting use to.And my family is visiting next week.I will have ro figure out what to order when we eat out.At this point soup sounds safe.It is frustrating to not be able to eat but also exciting in a way.
One thing I am getting a bit paranoid about is the whole issue of calsium absorption and getting enough iron.I will have to try and find calcium citrate in different form than the huge tabs it comes in here in Dubai.Then I will have to figure out the iron thing as I am so constipated all the time now that taking iron is just not even an option.
So I should shut up until I really quit!
Thats all I have to say about that!...lol
Now,I have realized that I obsess wayyyy to much about the scale and I can say it because today I am down a kg and my mood is completely different.
Then,I have also realized that when I add a little more fat to my diet I eat a lot less.Not a lot,just a little more.I want less of everything.And to reset is actually possible.One day of super low carbs and just enough proteins (60g) and the next day the hunger is gone.
Will try to remember this when I go nuts again.
when I am "good" and eat mostly proteins and little bit of carbs but snack my food during the day to get my calories my weight stalls but when I eat 3 carb rich meals per day,dont count cals or anything for that matter my weight starts coming off much faster...until I get paranoid and think I shouldnt eat carbs and change what I do......and then I stall.
Normal,very little amounts with protein shakes just seems to work better.
Weight 111.5kg's today
The sleeve rocks even though it completely confuses me.
xxo
Such a lot has happened this week.My sister and her new husband came for a visit from SA and helped me get into eating small portions of real solid food.
This is great as I was in a serious stall and had zero energy before.Now I have added fiber to my diet and let me tell you it makes the world of difference.Low carb just dont do it for me.I get so constipated I want to die.Add 25g of all bran fiber and Bob's your uncle...dont need laxative anymore.
I also did a bit of REAL EMOTIONAL EATING 2 days ago.
We have just been promoted....TO THE USA.this is still a strange and super scary concept as we have always lived in very international societies and we are not sure WHAT peoples reaction to our VERY,VERY blended family will be in ........NEW JERSEY!
The eating the day we heard was crazy.will write about what we can really eat it we wanted to tonight.
Then,one more thing and I dont know if I've mentioned it.a few days after surgery I started having hot flushes like mad....will write about that later
So,I actually slept quite well for about 5 hours,which is a lot for me anyway.Woke up feeling not to well.Nothing specific but nevertheless....I have a little bit of pain and tightness in my stomach area all the time.
Now,I think I may have been a bit busy yesterday.I went for a walk with my restless friends(who said we would just walk a block and then kept on saying there is a bench just around the corner) and climbed the stairs of my house too many times.
The PPI I am taking does not last 24 hours.I am taking it in the morning as that is when they started me on it in hospital but will have to change it to the evening at some point.I wake up in the morning with a very terrible taste in the mouth and breathing as if I have reflux.
The drinking was ok.I need protein and I can feel it.But I cannot take anything that is even slightly acidic as it causes acid so even the Isopure premade drinks are out.I am not sure which protein to take.I read about unjury and nectar and wish that I was in the US or UK ,we just do not have the products to make life easier at the moment.Like the sugarfree popcicles.I am even trying to find a non acid forming sugar free drink that I can make ice cubes with but alas...havent found any yet.The sugarfree jello did give me heartburn when I had the band and I am scared to eat that,even though that would be so great to just pretend to be eating.
Today I had 2 big cups of tea (my friend make me these big cups that have to be reheated all the time as they cool down way to fast to finish...LOL) 2 cups of chicken broth mixed with a lot of water, a actual popcicle with 12 carbs,high I know but I really needed something else and now I am busy drinking a protein drink with another 8 carbs.The total volume of drinks is about 1200ml (40 ounces I think)but I will try to do more for the day as there is quite a few hours left.
We went to the mall to see if I could find a protein drink.I found a protein shot called six star pro nutrition energy shot but unfortunately it had caffeine in it,and quite a bit too.I will drink this somewhere in the future as I actually bought a few of them.
So all in all a frustrating day as I really would like some sugarfree popcicles,and some protein drink that would go down well and something different to drink.Looking at the dr's program I am day 5 tomorrow and am allowed to go onto liquids from clear liquids and at the bottom it says "puree vegetables,puree potato and low fat labneh" .This makes me believe I can start having soups tomorrow.For now I will still do soups that do not have solids but like mushroom soup seems to be fine.
Now,as far as the weights concerned I have decided to just keep saying I expect a BIG loss at some point.Seeing as I am not allowed to obsess about the scale I started using some ketostix I had in the house and man,no low carb diet have ever given me the amount of ketones in my urine the way I have now....and that is exciting (not obsessing, am I?lol)
I expect this week to be a lot better and I expect to feel a lot better.See,the power of positive thinking.
xxo
One last thing for this day.
I follow a what have you eaten today threat on another forum and I must confess when I see the following I think they are lying....I am not saying they are lying,I am saying I think they are lying.I hope,hehe.
B: fatfree actimel.
L: 1 saltine cracker and 1teaspoon phili
D: beef-the size of a grape and quarter of a very small baby potato
This is at 3 months out and a sample only...not directed at a person,just an eg.
This is when I freak out at how little one can really eat and how on earth I am going to get mymind around that.I never had that kind of restriction with the band.Mostly it was all or nothing,like everything else in my life..lol
xxo
Today was a little more difficult for me as far as the drinking was concerned....I WANT TO EAT!
There,I've said it! Now,I will let it go!
I am constantly worried about calories.Being onw of the only people who still havent lost weight at 5 dys post op I am questioning myself seriously even though I know that is crazy!
Drinks for the day:
3 cups of clear beef soup.It has about 50 calories in each cup I think.
1 scoop isopure protein 110 calories
A small little bit of sf puding in liquids generously 70 cals
Then I had about 100 ml skim milk...dont know how much say 45 cals
And as an encore I had a mushroom liquid cup-a-soup for dinner 70 cals
Only about 30g of protein though.
That is a whole lot...almost 500 for day 5. My goodness.
Part of the issue is that I add something to all water as I have a real hard time drinking water.So I am sipping something all the time but it is not just water.
What is going to happen to me?Am I going to out eat this sleeve right from the start?How will I do when I get to eat?
I am so full of doubt and then I really struggle to understand the instructions for This pureed phase.
It says: half cup per meal
6 meals per day
30 minutes per meal
Water,broth,fat free milk,fat free gravy ( whatever that might be) PUREED POTATO AND PUTEED VEGETABLES.
Two weeks long,food must have consistency of a smooth paste or a thick liquid.add spicey or dairy slowly and in small amounts.
I am really stupid and will have to look up which veg will go down well.I will start cooking fresh though as my tumm never liked instant anything,even before.
Will also consult a friend that had the surgery the 28th of Feb. About what she ate.Lucky girl is now on stage 3 with soft solid foods.
Just hope the next week passes quickly and I can start to drive my car ( dont know when I can)
Stitches comes out next Saturday!
O well,another day another whatever..LOL
there are these interesting topics with a variety of opinions and recently this has been one of them.
Why shouldnt we eat and drink at the same time.
again.This is a reminder to self,should I need it somewhere in the future,and I usually do!
Everything in life gets old.We get use to changes and we adapt and we move on.That is the nature of the human being.Which is a good thong too.But too often we at that point forget.Forget what we are suppose to remember...lol
I experienced this with the band.Strict diet to lose the weight.Then the surgery,the pain,the heartburn,the feflux the vomiting...it got old.And became part of the new habits. In that I did what was comfortable.Added some carbs,added some sugar and started eating WAY to often.
Before I knew I was back where I started.
Why shouldnt we eat and drink.Well,just as we should eat solid protein first,ALWAYS AND FOREVER,we shouldnt liquify food to empty our stomachs faster.It seems as simple as that to me.Do you have some people that will be super self controlled for the rest of their lives to track their food,to only eat 3 times a day?Well,maybe,but most of us have a problem with self control as far as food's concerned and is why we got fat in the first place.
If my stomach is empty I feel like eating.Part of my old habits I suppose but This is me.The longer it stays full the longer I last between meals.
Now,will I be able to eat normal foods when I am in maintainance.I believe so.I believe that small portions,controlled carbs,not too much sugar,and only 3 meals a day,with maybe 2 healthy snacks might keep me at my goal.
However,should I not eat proteins first,I will not feel full quicker,I will be able to eat more and I will be able to gain more weight.And should one start flushing your food,you will not stay full,you will start eating more often and you will gain even more weight.Even now,when I eat protein and a carb my capacity is bigger.Dont know why,it just is.
At the end of the day I am way more concerned about the habits I have to somehow get deep into my thick skull now to be able to live a thin life FOREVER,than what I am about losing weight.
Do I eat food that is considered wrong to others,even now?Well,when I look on OH at the what have you eaten today threat I know I cannot post there.It will give them apoplexy.My habits might still seem atrocious to some.Here is a week day example and a weekend example.
Weekday:Tea with lots of lf milk for breakfast.Lunch is now usually protein pancake with added fibre and chia seeds with sf syrup.And at 5 I eat a good 30 to 50 pods of edamame beans.Dinner is usually fish or chicken with a tablespoon of LC veggies.Then I have up to 3 sf popcicles after dinner.I still feel like snacking at night which is a very bad habit but have tried to focus it.I really have a breakout from this only once a month or so,which would mean a Weight watchers packet of tortilla chips.
Now,this weekend.Breakfast coffee with milk.Lunch late (16:00) chicken snitchel (breaded) with mushroom sauce and slice of cheese with onion rings.Of the whole plate of food I ate 1/4. Took it home and did the same for supper.That was friday which is our sunday.Then yesterday I had coffee for breakfast and chicken and beef fajita for very late lunch (17:30) at Hardrock cafe.Ate about half of the protein and half a scoop sour cream with half a scoop of guacamole.That was bad as at 21:00 I ate 1/4 or a burger patty that my kid brought home from her meal.
This is bad but it is what fits in with my life and that is not going to change.We are normal people,with a crazy routine and I am the only one in my house that would ever over eat.No one else have a problem with food.They eat a little and then they are finished.I am trying to start fitting my eating into my lifestyle which I cannot change at this time as it is not only me involved.
Obviously that wasnt good enough as my weight is up a pound this morning and I've been wanting food since my eyes have opened.So what could I have done differently?For one,not skip meals because I know I am going out to eat.two,not eaten that burger thingy as I just wanted it when I noticed it.Meaning,no take away boxes for the kids anymore.They dont eat it anyway.And I just didnt drink enough water both days.But would I have chosen different food if I could?I dont think so.It is normal to eat nice food every now and then.Do I do this all the time?Absolutely not!Did I really enjoy going out?A lot!Did I drink when I ate?I never do.
I might change my mind about all of is in future but for now.This is part of me learning what works and what will not work.I am going on a holiday in a hotel next week and will not gain.I will apply my rules to myself and will post how it went.This is in prep for a long hotel stay in December,which is a summer holiday for us.And I am scared of being overwhelmed by buffets every day.Thank goodness I seemed to have lost my sweet tooth altogether.
The long term success of this sleeve and the fact that I already feel normal again,am over the whole surgery bit and live a completely normal life now makes me realize even more how important ALWAYS BEING MINDFUL of what,how and most important,how often I eat has become.
To be satisfied with a little bit of food.
To drink enough water.
To not snack in between.
To not feel deprived.
To love healthy food.
To be like a skinny person and have a balance.
This is what I would like my life to be like.
When people talk about crossover addiction we all think booze right?
Well 2.5 months after my surgery,while having stress that topped anything I've had in the past 10 years,I started smoking again.
I have stopped smoking.In order to run off the rest of the pounds I've had to quit.
Of course I am eating like a horse now,but it is just a day or 2 then that is over too,and I will not post weight for a while.I give myself 2 weeks,one to gain little because I am eating rubbish and one to lose it again.
The only bummer is I seemed to have pulled a muscle somewhere around where the hamstring attaches to the butt muscle or something like that.I've tried jogging every few hours to reliev the stress and somehow hurt the muscle.So I will stand plank and do sit ups and v-sits if I can.
I have been very angry with myself for getting myself caught up in the smoking as it is super hard to not eat wayyyyyy too much when you quit.So,I kept on trying to lose fast so I could get to goal and then quit but that jut caused me more stress,I needed to quit now.
So,this is me for now.When I am over the crazy eating to stop from smoking I will post again.
O,and FYI I can eat so much more than I ever thought.No pain,no discomfort,nothing!Will have to mak myself a 20 galon can of tea and drink that for th rest of this day!
First I just want to say that my silly Ipad does not allw me to comment on the comments...I will sort this out as I really want to be able to thank evdryone for the encouragement!
As for today.2 days ago I changed my PPI to Nexium as I know it works for me....and it does!I also got some disflatel ( like gasX) and one Tumm per day,cut into tiny pieces,Every time I get that slighty hot feeling I take a tiny little piece of the tumm and well,it sorts it out.And every time I get that tight feeling after a sip or my back start aching so bad,I take a disflatel and voila,I had a fabulous day!
Could even drive my little kid home from gymnastics.
I still havent lost more weight but my little and me have decided I will loose 10 pounds overnight,just like that..lol
I am not drinking any artificial sweetners as of today.It doesnt help for the acid and it also doesnt make the swallowing easier.So I am using a little honey in my tea and let me tell you,its going down a whole lot easier.
I also made a soup with 5 oz sweetpotato and 2 carrots and some stock and it was so good that my I had to wressle my 10 year old when she just wanted to finish it.That was the 5 half cupmeals for the day.The protein thingy is still not working and I will have to work on it.
All in all a great day.
One thing,I woke up at 4:00 this morningwith the biggest thirst possible.And of course I couldnt just chug down a bottle of water...by the time the thirst was quenched,it was 6:00 am and time to get up.This is a problem and I dont really know what to do.This thirst was right into my tummy and I had to sit and sip and sip and sip.....will have to make a plan with this.
NOW THE WEIGHT MUST JUST START DROPPING TO REALLY MAKE ALL THIS WORTH IT.
Onto day 7
this week,in prep for our looooong weekend in a hotel,I started adding a bit of carbs to my diet again.
Am only on about 60 now but boy does it make a difference.Not a positive one either...lol
The bags under my eyes are back,I am sluggish and dont feel like exercising.My weight is up 2 pounds whixh I know is water as my cals were still 800.But it had to be done now.
It is not unhealthy carbs either but about 30 more than usual.Edamame beans for one.And more tea with milk.Well,that seems to account for most eccept the breaded (light) chicken I had twice which would be a lot of the carbs I suppose.
At the hotel I will not be able to stay carb less,I know that.I do not eat eggs (just dont sit right in my tum) but add protein powder to it and fibre and it works.I want to be able to relax and not make an issue out of the eating this coming week.Just be for a few days but I dont want to get back 5 pounds heavier.I not be taking a scale and maybe the hotel will not have one.
I dont know why I am so afraid of this holiday.I have done so well on all the others but for some reason tis has been bugging me a lot.Maybe because my food choices when eating out recently wasnt the greatest.And maybe because I know it.And maybe because sometimes I feel like not making great choices ALL the time.But I will just have to pull myself toward myself and get on with it.And maybe going to the gym when Im there is a good idea to just burn some cals before flopping down for the day!
And maybe it is because I want to lose as much as possible before the big one in December when all the critical family will see me.Who knows!
But I want to enjoy getting away from it all and I want to feel in control,something I havent ever felt faced with buffets before the sleeve.
So taking some protein powder along is a good idea.I might even be able to ask the chef to make me some pancakes as I really love them and they keep me full for hours and hours.And some edamame to snack on while everyone else eats rubbish.
I now fit properly into a size 16 and even bought a new bathing suite.
Anyway,tmorrow I will read this again and remind myself of all the good things about the sleeve.And the fact that no matter what,it is a good fight I am fighting here.
Today we went back to playing squash.I actually whipped the ladies I played with and couldnt walk the rest of the day..lol
The stomach feels a little better.Still sensitive but not aching like yesterday...I know it is getting better.Am eating quite carefully at the moment.
we will live and die!
As I am losing weight my life is getting better and worse.Isnt that just crazy?
How different could life have been if I was just able to get thin 15 years ago?What use is feeling like this anyway?
What I do know is I never would have allowed myself to be in the situation I am in now.Then the question of did I need to stay fat to keep myself "good" to be here comes up all the time?Which isnt useful either, I know.That I should have taken responsibility for my own life years ago is a fact though.
Mind you,my delightful youngest came in now and made me realize again that there is purpose in everything.I cannot even think what life without her would have been like.
On the upside,all this has excelerated my weightloss remarkably and I am so close to 100kg's now its unreal.It i ao atrange that I lost weight ao slowly while I was still weighing and measuring and counting carbs and cals but when I became preoccupied with life itself and didnt have the mental energy to do that anymore,the weight started dropping off.
Upwards and onwards christian soldiers!When I have lost 60 pounds I will post pics.
