For 4 years I had constant pain in my hip and upper leg.Since buying my tempur bed and 3 months post op,no more pain!I sleep so much better and well,no pain.
Every time I exercise my "bones" ache so badly that I just want to quit.Execised again today and now the sides and front of my lower leg has this deep ache.I hate drinkng pain killers but for a while at least I suppose I will have to take 2 panadols to help me with the sleeping at night.Since I have started sleeping better for the first time in years,I am not prepaired to give it up,no way!
But exercise I will.No more cop outs and excuses!None!
Yes,last ***ht I had the fright of my life and decided to really start exercising.
I exercised yesterday and today.Still play a mean game of squash even with no energy!
Also did some arm and leg circuits and I can feel it!
Of course I immediately wanted food afterwards but had a cup of tea and will have a nice protein dinner!
i just read the scariest thread on OH.
A lady,4 years and 8 months out and gaining rapidly.Feeling lost and having no idea how to get out of the mud.She is back to not really knowing how she will lose the weight again.
This scares me senseless! What if what I think is mindful changes is just a matter of not being able to eat a lot?What if the WANT to outeat the sleeve starts in me too?How am I going to do this in the long term?I dont want to be on diet for the rest of my life.
I can do what I am doing now for the rest of my life,IF ONLY IT WORKS!
The problem does seem to be eating around the sleeve.Eating constantly,eating junk like crisps and a lot of carbs and sugar.But what if the changes I feel,like not depriving but not over indulging,keeping a good balance,saying no to myself to bad stuff most of the time,isnt real?
What if I am not learning to eat like a normal skinny person?
How do we know what will work for the FOREVER we need?
I am really freaked out by this as I saw a therapist for a year.In that year she aimed to teach me what normal was.I lost 70 pounds in 6 months and then went on holiday to the family.My brother and me had an argument and he seriously hurt my feelings.It was 4 days before I was to come home.I GAVE MYSELF PERMISSION to eat emosionally just for those 4 days until I could get away from them and I LOST NORMAL in those 4 days.I never could get back on track and it took me about 3 months to regain all 70 pounds again.This was 2 years ago.
What if this happens again.Of course I have the resolve to not let it.Maybe that is another reason to have all the plastics done.Arms,legs,tummy,boobs.If I gain a 100 pounds then I will surely explode and that will just be the end of that!
Now I have to try and calm down to sleep!
I have started tracking my daily calorie and even though Im hitting 60g of protein most days my calories have been around 450 to 600 which kind of explains to me why I just cannot even play badmington with my 11 year old.I realized that during the holiday I dropped my cals just automatically without even noticing.I have not even attempted to playa game of squash as even the thought of it made me tired.
Today I decided to eat more.Back to 1000 when I need energy to exercise.
The thing is even though it wasnt really too much,I dont feel to well.I am hyper aware of my stomach all day and I think of food,something I havent done in a month.
Tomorrow I will go back to eating very little again.I will drink my tea with milk,eat my 2 tiny tiny meals but to that I will start adding a protein shake to help with the protein.I will try and buy a shake that is high in vitamins too as drinking a multi feels like it irritates my stomach and makes me hungry.
Hopefully that will give me a little energy.But the exercise is on.It was shocking to see how little I could do and I had a huge drop in blood sugar to boot halfway through.These are things that I now need to fix as my friend has aked me to run the 10k in November or December with her and I stupidly said,of course I will.
That was me for the day.Weight still the same!
I read a lot of posts and I see that we all have the same issues at some time or another.
Of course,every time I lose even one pound I am positive and when I dont I doubt.
Today is a positive day.hehehe
I am 217 today and I am happy!
In this blog I process externally (I dont really know how to be an internal processor..lol) The ups and downs of this journey is very real and when I have down time I read about my up times and then I can breathe again and wait....the weight losses come when they do.I eat right and wait.
Yesterday I started doing leg exercises...a little.And I can feel it.Today,I will do upper body and lower body.Cardio will have to wait until I am cold free again.
xxo
So,we have been back in the UAE for 4 days and we are totally housebound.I mean completely.
It is ramadan and whereas the malls are open you are not allowed to eat or drink anything in public.It is over 103 degrees most days up to 110 some days (50 degrees celcius) and I cannot go out without drying out like a prune within an hour.So we have watched every single olympic event there's been (with the kids legs going back and forth in front of thr tv as she is on her beam the whole time,she's a gymnast and the gymnastics have greatly inspired her to exercise more...lol) I have played boggle with my little kid a 100 times.We are now bored stiff.Another 2 weeks of this,I think,hope pray,and then life will be normal again.
One good thing though.
My hair started coming out in clumps when I was in SA on holiday.I spoke to quite a few hairdressers and they all recommended a South African product called placenta with bergamot.
It smells disgusting but since I have been back the hair seems to be coming out a lot less.There is still hair everywhere but it isnt the total strands of hair like it was in the last 2 weeks.I wonderif this stuff may be working?
There is already a lot of new hair but some days I see a lot of short hair falling out too....so I dont know if it really works.One thing though,a friend of mine that had VSG and who is the exact same age than me was completely gray when the new hair came out.
I am a dark blonde and never noticed any gray hair before.Now,a lot of the short hair seems to be silver which I take to be gray.My folks went gray very very late.In fact my mom still has brown hair and she is 70.Never coloured her hair.My dad has some gray and he is 77 and my older siblings dont have any gray hair yet.
Now I wonder if I will be gray when the new hair comes out?Mind you,my friend lost a lot of hair and took to waring a headscarf of some sorts for quite some time.
This is all very interesting when you have nothing to do and I will keep spraying this stinking bergamot stuff on my head and update if it helps.
Another friend that has RA and gets infusions for it says the meds make her hair fall out at the back of her head.Her Filipino housekeeper started cutting aloe leaves off and then she massages it into her head and she swaers high and low that it works wonders to help the hair grow back.So maybe tomorrow I will cut a piece off and start doing that too.
Well, 5 weeks of summer holiday left and without my passport I cannot travel so here we are....watching the wheels go round and round...lol
Owe have been back in this country for 4 days and 1.I am sick as a dog with a cold ( just finished with SA cold and flu,now Middle eastern cold and flu...lol) and
2.I am struggling my butt off with the food issues ,just like before.
It just seems that there is some issues that I sTill have to battle and overcome.And I will.Its funny how wanting to write about my failure right now made me decide to fight to overcome these issues.
1.At home,here in Dubai,I seem to be able to eat more.My sleeve felt very restricted in SA and here it feels like I can and want to eat more and more often.I must confess I drink 8 cups of tea per day as I struggle with water and I struggle with the protein.I think the diffwrence is that I didnt replacw the protein with anything else when I was in SA.I also didnt eat low carb or low fat for that matter.I had a glass of wine every second night and generally I was way more relaxed.
So,heres the plan.Salad and protein.Less milk.I also drank a cup of coffee every day that I miss now (Jacob's Kronen not allowed in UAE) I didnt eat breakfast but then for lunch I did eat a good protein and again for dinner.I ate lots of seafood and here is something everyone will freak out about,I ate more fats.No fatfree foods or milk.I was fuller faster and satisfied with very small portions.So,I will start writing down every thing again and see what is so different.
O I hate obsessing about this but I do as the scale was down another pound yesterday and up 3 pounds today....and I still weigh every single day.dont think I can not.
Ok,new day,different food.
Xxo
i noticed a while ago that I weighed 133kg when I saw the surgeon a week before surgery.I decided to ignore that and keep my stats the same but when I came out of the hospital after surgery I weighed 5 pounds more.
Today I decided to fix this on my ticker.Why not?I have lost more than I thought initially.
So it was 292.6 a week before surgery and 297.6 three days after.
Today I weigh 218 which is a loss of 79 pounds which is a lot more.
I am flying back to Dubai tomorrow and for some reason I am scared that this nice weightloss I had on holiday will slow down.
We will start exercising next week which might help tone and build muscles as I am super flabby.
xxo
i have lost 5 pounds since my last entry.it seems eating small portions of everything works great for me at this stage.I am thinking of extending my holiday a little..lol
xxo
225......I have stopped obsessing as it is a holiday after all.Also the hair must fall out,what can I do to stop it anyway? I am happy about the weight as we eat out a lot but I am being as smart as I can be with my choices.I have a bad cold and am drinking all kinds of meds (i never noticed before how much sugar the bronchodilator/cough mixture I take actually contains..4g per 5 ml and I take 15ml 3 times a day)
Anyhoo,Im a happy camper tonight.
xxo
hi,thanks for the great suggestions!I have had a good food day and I tried to drink more water.I now have the lipbalm and that seems to help as well.
I counted a little calories (hehe) and found that I was drinking 5 cups of coffee or tea with milk every day.That didnt help.The carbs also went over 100 every day.What stumped me is the fact that my weight can go up when I eat 1300 cals a day.It petrifies me to think I will have to eat this little for ever.HOWEVER,I have realized that if I exercise it is different.Of course this makes me understand the importance of exercise once again.
I need to stop worrying so much about this.Of course I want to lose weight on holiday but if it can just stay stable I will be thrilled.It was the right choice not to come to SA for the usual 2 months and in 2 weeks I will be home again and will start with a personal trainer.
All this just makes me a little depressed as I realize once again that this is a life long battle.I will have to change my attitude about food and stress and I will have to work on my coping skills.
O well,Rme wasnt built in a day and I will get this!I want to succeed and I feel that thi is already a big change in me.
xxo
when I arrived 2 days ago in SA I weighed 227.My folks live in a retriement village and this year my mom cant walk a lot at all.She needs a knee replacement.This is a tough one.I can see since she's stopped exercising she has gained weight.The thing that I thought would help keep me on track is exercise.But we will do a lot of sitting down just being with them.lol
Food is a nightmare.It is winter and I cannot figure out how not to constantly feel like something warm when it is cold.The food they eat is so different.Lots of carbs (my dad looks like a skeleton) The one thing I can do with them is take then to coffee shops and eating out.Salads seems like an alien thing in the cold.Soups are loaded with calories,low fat cappucino is unheard of ( we only have full fat milk madam!).I have eaten chicken 4 times in 2 days and well I will keep figuring this out.
On the emosional eating side...mmm...well,my sweet cousin that is the same age than me (is like my sister) is in ICU after a fall with very bad brain oedema and brain heamorage.I am so sad as she seems to just have the worse of luck in the world.In 18 months she got breast cancer ( in limf) before she could have chemo she had a bloodclot in her lung,the found she has Protein S deficeincy,she has kidney failure,her mom died last month and now this.She had the old JIB bypass surgery and I am convinced that this has been the cause of most of her medical issues.She has been sick with fever of unknown origin for 4 years now.AND OF COURSE I WANT TO EAT.And I know this will not help anyone or anything but I have always been a comfort eater.Tried a few nachos with guacamole and sourcream last night when out and I felt dog tired afterwards.This is just so crazy as yes it is carbs but why the tiredness?
Today we have a BBQ which should be fine as there's lots of meat.
Lets see how it goes!
......and since the 25th of June Ive been in A dreadful stall again.
I am exercising 5 days a week now.Hard cardio and weights.(sometimes weights!)
Will keep chugging away and not complain too much.
We are going on holiday on thursday and will see what the change from 105 degrees to 50 do for us.Worry about wanting more food when it is cold...lol
xxo
Today I am 229 pounds.O my goodness this makes me happy!
Some observations now that I am 3 and a half months out:
1. When I exercise and take a multivitamin I am a lot hungrier than usual.
2. At night,I can eat way more than in the morning.
3. Snacking of any kind stalls my weight.Who knows why.It seems that my body reaches a homeostasis quickly whe I give it little bits of food all the time,even though my calories stays at 800 per day.However,when I snack it is easy to go up to 1000 or even 1200 per day.
4. Losing focus is quite easy.When life happens I still want to return to my default,eating away my hurts and fears.Even though I cant.
5.Exercise hurts more than ever.My goodness I am weak.Maybe waiting so long before starting to do some weights was a bad idea as it is quite pathetic to see me now..lol
6.Calcium and magnesium citrate helps with constipation.
7.Not focussing on the scale,even learning to laugh the days the weight is up a little.When you know what you do is right,you will lose weight.If what you do doesnt work for you,change it!
8.CARBS certainly seems to be my friend.Even though everyone says dont!I lose way more when I eat little bits of carbs every day!
Now I am going to South Africa (where it is winter and cold cold cold) and this will be my baptism with fire as far as making good food choices are concerned.But for the first time I am sure things will go well.I know what I can eat,what I should avoid and as long as I keep my portion sizes small it will be ok.My mom has a treadmill so I can do some running for exercise!
I am so happy for everyone that is losing weight.It is so life changing and living is so much easier!
xxo
we will live and die!
As I am losing weight my life is getting better and worse.Isnt that just crazy?
How different could life have been if I was just able to get thin 15 years ago?What use is feeling like this anyway?
What I do know is I never would have allowed myself to be in the situation I am in now.Then the question of did I need to stay fat to keep myself "good" to be here comes up all the time?Which isnt useful either, I know.That I should have taken responsibility for my own life years ago is a fact though.
Mind you,my delightful youngest came in now and made me realize again that there is purpose in everything.I cannot even think what life without her would have been like.
On the upside,all this has excelerated my weightloss remarkably and I am so close to 100kg's now its unreal.It i ao atrange that I lost weight ao slowly while I was still weighing and measuring and counting carbs and cals but when I became preoccupied with life itself and didnt have the mental energy to do that anymore,the weight started dropping off.
Upwards and onwards christian soldiers!When I have lost 60 pounds I will post pics.
today I am 232 pounds.
I have realized that I am gerting closer to half way than I ever thought possible.All in all I am much more realistic in my expectations.
With the band I got to just under 200...198 to be exact.And I didnt have a vision of losing it all.I just couldnt see it happening,and because of that,it didnt.
This time I will do what ever I have to, to lose it all.I will not obsess as much as I used to.I will not count every calorie to the point of going insane,I will not cut fat and carbs and every little pleasure out of my life ro the point where there is no point to it all.
I will adjust and readjust what and how much I eat all the time along this journey.When my weightloss slows down I will exercise more and eat cleaner.I will always do the protein as the primary food on my plate.When I dish up a teaspoon of chinese fried rice my housekeeper made,it is just to satisfy the mind...I dont even touch it but should I have wanted it,I might have.or not.Good choices I have to make at the moment I am confronted with the choice,not as a all inclusive rule,but a momentary choice.
Thin people have to make those choices all the time.Before they eat,they have to make a choice about what they will eat,how much they will eat.That is how I want to live my life after the weight loss,as a thin thinking person.
Of course I will have "momentary lapses of reason" and that is ok.To get back on track with the next meal is just par for the course.
I love my sleeve.Having said all this...I am losing quite fast at the moment.Easy to be positive when things are going great..lol
Hehehe,every time I mention who good I am with the eating I have to prove myself wrong.
Had a horrible food day yesterday.I kept on wanting to eat something every 2 hours.And I ate carbs.Little bit but all day long.
Today I am puffy and swollen and I had horrible joint aches all night long ( first time in a while).Dont know what the relationship is between what I ate and that but I am back to my better eating pattern today.
Going to dinner at friends house tonight but I will make good choices.
xxo
one major issue I've had constantly is this horrible,thick,furry feeling in my throat every day.The dental higenist suggested I look at my meds for the asthma.Well,I skipped the alevesco yesterday and am confident that my throat will be better now.I seem to have a problem with oral cortico steroids as the previous one gave me thrush in my mouth.
Now to find something that works without side effects.Or better yet...get thin and get fit so that I dont need the meds anymore,wouldnt that just be a total blessing?
Some days,well most days now,I am happy with this sleeve.When I want to emotional eat,I wait for meal time and I eat something I really like.And that has changed dramatically.I feel normal.When I eat a little,I feel normal.When I fill my little pudding bowl we laugh about it and I usually end up taking half of the food out.
It is great to actually not be able to eat more.I still have a popcicle or 2 some nights.Have given up doing things that make me feel uncomfortable and enjoy my food more than ever before!
xxo
I am weighing 234 this morning.
The weightloss have increased a lot in the last few weeks.Have not had losses like his since the initial 20.I am super happy.
A the moment I must confess I am eating very little.Hope it is enough proteins though.
I see a lot more hair everywhere but where it belongs lately..lol.What can you do about it?
Had a vit D jab and some blood tests last week.My B seems to slowly be coming down so I will take the sublinguals.D is still super low...struggling to get that up.
At the moment I am happy.I eat 2 times a day.Chicken pieces with salad or beef kebab with salad and feta or pasta with tuna (way more tuna and a tablespoon of pasta)My portion size stays the same.Half to 3/4 cup depending what it is.90 g of solid protein and I am really satisfied with wht I eat.
I still suck at the exercise.Squash twice this week and nothing else so far.maybe I should just go walk on the treadmill now.My body is like a jelly fish.And maybe I am being stupid about this to convince myself to do plastics the moment this weight is off.
Anyway,upwards and onwards.
xxo
237 this morning! Thats 50 pounds!
On the downside I had a little very diluted wine last night and heartburn at 4 this morning.So,I am now finished with alcohol.Dont need it anyway.BUT I also added acidophyllis and a B12 sublingual and a folic acid to my vits last night.That,with the wine and a not low in fat pork sausage,might have just freaked out my poor stomach.
Will wait 1 day then start back,one by one,the following:
1.multi vit in the morning with acidophyllis.
2. Calcium + magnesium citrate at lunch
3.B12 a 16:00
Will see how it works.I am a very undisciplined person that is a real scatterbrain and tend to forget stuff way to often.Will try to be good!
On the food side.I think I am losing because I am eating very little.Having said that there is the odd day now that I dont make my proteins and should step that up a little.
xxo
I saw the physician today.My blood pressure is still high.It i because I am smoking.Yes,I became a secret smoker again thia months.Will stop this week.Stupid to start again as It really doesnt help for the stress.At the moment I feel it is adding to my stress levels.So,I will make a day and just quit cold turkey again.Serves me right to suffer through this.
We did my bloods and I got my Vit D injection as it was very low way before surgery.Will do B12 sublinguals but he says injection is better.It is just soooo painful.
I am losing exactly 2.2 pounds a week.No more and no less.
Have made appointment to start exercising with someone so no more excuses for that.
I feel good and I dont think I am eating badly at all.Enjoying what I eat and trying to be satisfied with the amount.It seems to be working to be very mindful about the eating.
For this last month before the holidays I want to lose a little more.Hope that adding exercise,especially more cardio,will help.
Still no answers on the visa for the move so the stress is quite constant as it is now almost end of school year and uni has finished already.Am trying to be ok with not knowing anything but struggling a little with this,thus the smoking...and that is my excuse and I'll stick with it.LOL
xxo
Since having my one day bout of acid after forgetting my nexium I started doing research in how on earth am I going to get off the nexium without suffering from acid.
This whole thing about rebound acid is really scary to me.How on earth does the stomach learn to make less acid while being blocked?
Usually I take my calcium citrate at least 4 hours before or after my nexium.Hopefully the bone density wont be affected.Will go for check up soon.
At month 6,at the latest, I am goning to wean myself off the PPI's.There is some natural herbs that will help but I am also going to trust reducing from 20mg in the morning and evening to 10mg in the morning and evening will help prevent rebound.The problem is it seems that this furry fluffy feeling I have in the back of my throat is because of some acid.
I wll start taking probiotics from today and see if that makes any difference.
The most important thing is to
1.start taking a multivitimin again
2.take the calcium citrate every second day (gives me diaree so its a laxative as well and I really need it)
3.start taking B12 sublingual to not have injections anymore
4.get vit D injection every month till the D is up
And get enough protein every day.
At th momnt I am doing the protein,almost every day,the D injection tthe calcium citrate and had B12 injections until now.The multi the dr gave me contributed to my getting hotflushes so I stopped it.Have a different one that I will start drinking tomorrow.
Geeze,I never thought this would be so regimented as far as do's and dont are concerned.
Will start taking it serious though as I want to be healthy and get thin.
xxo
