It is interesting to see how little I really eat.Also will be interesting to see what the scale does when I get back home.
We are staying in a hotel and we have breakfast included.This is what I ate.Half a soft boiled egg,.25 of a arabic flat bread,about half an once of brie cheese,one teaspoon of hummus,half a slice of deli beef.A cappucino before I ate.
Then at 12:00 2 pieces of beef jerky.At 2:30 we ordered lunch.I ordered a beef burger that looked so great I told the kids to get the camera,Im going to eat the whole thing...lol.Well,I ate .25 of the hamburger patty because I first saw some lettuce leaves with a little balsamico and I had to eat that.At 17:30 we decided to have a pina quilada in the sea while gently rocking on our chairs in the water.This made me so nauseous I am still recovering...lol.Also a bit giggly as I still havent learnt to stop after half a drink which would have been just enough.Now there is a international buffet my family wants to go to and I will have to see what I can eat.
The thing is I am totally HOOKED on protein pancakes.It is so crazy!I miss them so much when I cant have it.It like a meal,protein and pudding all in one for me and I just love them!
Tis stupid scale at the hotel weighed me 3 pounds heavier than my home scale just whe we arrived and of course this makes me paranoid.Hope it isnt right though I doubt it.
We went on the boat today with the kids on the tube.Tomorrow we will go and snorkel ar Dibba rock and then join the kids for a joy ride on the banana tube just to show how brave mom's gotten.
We played badmington on the beach for a long long time and my energy is endless now.
Life is so different now that i am so much lighter.I dont sit and watch everyone do the fun things any more,I participate in every thing there is to do.
I cannot wait to go skiing some time early next year.
More than anything I cannot wait to lose this last 30 pounds so I can start looking into plastics.My butt is hanging behind my knees and no bathing suite stays over it.I am constantly pulling and tugging to keep it in place and will seriously have to look for a different style one.The wrinckly skin also bothers me a little,but hey,I dont know anyone one here so am not too self concious (spelling!)
Life is good and not even the cold I have could spoil the fun this time around!
225......I have stopped obsessing as it is a holiday after all.Also the hair must fall out,what can I do to stop it anyway? I am happy about the weight as we eat out a lot but I am being as smart as I can be with my choices.I have a bad cold and am drinking all kinds of meds (i never noticed before how much sugar the bronchodilator/cough mixture I take actually contains..4g per 5 ml and I take 15ml 3 times a day)
Anyhoo,Im a happy camper tonight.
xxo
today I weighed under 90kg's for the first time in many years.For people that weigh in pounds 200 seems to be the big number to break through but in kilos being less than 90 is the ultimate YES!
Interesting stat from my dr this morning.In 4 months I have lost 20kg's which translates into 44 pounds.It averages out to 11 pounds per month in the last 4 months.Which is not something that I could see for some reason.
Of course my first thought was to celebrate with food.This is something I will have to really work on.I dont mean bad food,just more food.I've been eating really little lately and I do miss eating tasty meals.
Because of the protein struggle (and to keep my cals below 800 when eating dense protein) I've been eating protein pancakes made with egg white and protein powder,too often.
If I could cut the amount of milk I use per day it would be easier but I like my tea and coffee with milk and 4 cups (3 tea) translates into to much milk.
Anyhoo,awaiting the blood results now but the dr isnt too worried about the petechiae as it is already clearing up a little.I did have a B12 and D injection again as well.And I have been wondering how do people get off their blood pressure meds.My blood pressure is now 120 over 80 which is normal but with the very strong meds I am taking.How does the dr decide to stop it?Do they just stop it or go on lower dosage or what?I forgot to ask.
Still,it is not normal and only bloods would tell if it is something to worry about.The dr wasnt to sure about the blood work needed so I kind of told him a few I thought was important.Will read up on it a little and maybe have the rest done with my GP.
Beach weather here in Dubai so this weekend,starting today will be spend working on the Vit D
I am doing this blog so that when newly sleeved patients ask me questions some time in the future when I have forgotten all the details,I can use this as a reference.
Us humans have the amazing ability to remember things,lets say in a more positive way,rather than the way they actually happened.I have found this a few times this week when asking some questions.Somehow we either make things worse than they were or so much easier/better than they were.The drama queens make them worse and the "can do's" makes everything seem so much easier/better than they were.
This will be a true reflexion of what I experienced and experience as time goes by.Another thing that I will try to do is update every now and then....long after the prosess of losing the weight is over...also so that people who is doing research can see how Im doing years into the future...good intentions right?LOL
Having surgery is always hard for me.Either the aneasthetics makes me nauseas or the pain meds does.I had pethidine when I came out of surgery and that caused some of the most agonizing moments of theday...the dry heaving was terrible.Moment number one when all I wanted was to undo what I've done to myself...and I couldnt.The rest of that day and night passed like a nightmare..but it passed.
The next morning at 11 they took me to the x-ray dept for the fluro leak test.Number two moment I wanted to just go back a few days....and couldnt.It was just one big swallow of fluro (unbelievably bitter) that I had to take..and it fell like a lump of clay going down a few centimetres down my throat and got stuck....they kept on saying swallow,swallow,swallow....and the next moment some of it just came back up.The radiologist then said to wait as it was delayed...whatever that meant.I waited for 15 minutes and had to go back for another x-ray....we repeated that about 3 times till they said,yes,its moving....you can go.So result: delayed but normal,again,who knows what that meant.
So now they told me to start sipping....and the nightmare started.I was very nauseous since surgery but the drinking just made it worse.the pain was crazy whenever I tried to swallow anything.And that is the way day 2 passed as well.
At this point I started thinking that this is it...as good as its going to get because this dr cut off too much of my stomach or I am one of the unlucky people with some crazy complication and my life was ruined...hehehe!It is really scary when things just dont live up to ones expectations and you dont know if the way things are happening is exceptable for where you are at that moment.And no one seems to be clear about things at all.
I was discharged on day 3 thinking my life is over...and battled all day to swallow even a few sips of hot water.
And then,in themiddle of the night,after I slept for a few hours,everything changed.All of a sudden I could swallow and drink.The pain disappeared and I could drink.
In 2004 I had the lapband done and suffered with it for 7 years before I had it removed.I lost weight gained weight,found with therapy what I thought was normal...lost that again and regained it all back.
After having the band out in 2011 it took a while to get brave enough to do the sleeve.With the bad experience I had with the band I never really thought I would actually do the sleeve.
The thing was that diet and not dieting took up all my mental energy for way too long.I have been thoroughly stuck for the past few years.It was just time to get unstuck and the sleeve seemed to be the only to do it.
The surgery was done on the 13th of March and today is the 17th,day 3 after surgery.
Today I have been drinking tea with milk,chicken broth,consomme,yakult light and hot water.It all goes down great.The only thing I cannot drink is any kind of juice.It falls hard into my stomache and I realized that it makes acid as my chest tightens and I struggle for a while to get it to open every time I had some.I must confess the yakult (drinking yogurt) did the same just now...maybe I will just give this a pass for another day or two.
The only Thing I am not sure about today is the headache that keeps coming back every 6 hours.I am drinking enough,have slept enough not done too much today....just not sure why Im getting this terrible headache.
O,one more thing.Every time the dr stops my blood pressure meds before surgery I come out of the hospital at least 5kg's heavier...10 pounds...(the tablet have a very powerful diuretic in it) And this time is no different.My weight is not even back to what it was before surgery so I have to be patient and wait until I can start drinking it again,which seems to be a week after surgery.
This sleeve is really going to be a prosess of changing my habits and make me more patient...as I have decided to learn to go with the flow and to not sweat the small stuff so much anymore.
Cant wait to see what the next few days bring.
xxo
well,I took the advice of everyone that said relax and enjoy the holiday.I added carbs and enjoyed the good food,the wine and the company!
I lost 3 pounds in the past 3 weeks.HOWEVER,my hair started falling out again like crazy.I mean I flooded the bathroom this morning when I didnt notice my hair blocking the shower drain...lol
Obviously my proteins for the past couple of weeks must have been way too low.Having said that,I have been wanting to test my total protein for a while now as I have some signs of not absorbing enough protein.It might be a matter of not spreading it out enough during the day.Will urgently have to look into that because at 10 months out this is now freaking me out a little.
At the moment I am 6 pounds from goal.There is still way too much fat on my stomach and my thighs so I will drop my goal with 10 pounds.Will also take my time with losing this as I do not plan on cutting back my calories as drastic as before.I was eating around 1500 on holiday and felt energetic and my skin looks better.Having added the carbs have taken care of my constipation issues and I dont have this constant mild belly ache I've had since surgery.
My kids are constantly saying things like "mom,when you came to fetch me at gymnastics I thought you were someone else" or "mommy,you are so skinny now" this feels so great and I have started looking at myself in the mirror for the first time in many many years.I really dislike the fact that I have so much loose skin and a lot of wrinkles but I am starting to see me a little better.I dont always look fat to myself anymore.Sometimes when I walk past shop windows I notice myself skinny and sometimes By the next window pane I see the old me.Being very body dismorphic I suppose this will take time.
Lately I have been wondering how I will get the courage to go for plastics.I am blessed with the finances (have set up a plastics fund years ago that is so big now I can do a trip around the world with it..lol) but lack the courage.I am petrified of anasthetic and am actually a real coward.I feel ashamed of this when I read how some people really want to go for plastics but cannot afford it.Plastics in the UAE is a very dicey business as you cannot see before and after pics or dont ever really know how good the surgeons are as it is a very hush hush business.People often rather go abroad to do it but I cannot see myself being brave enough to do this.Anyway,maybe I will wait till summer and drag the whole family off to some strange country to have this done.Or maybe I will somehow become brave and do it here.I see that dr Diamond of the tv program is a regular visiting surgeon now,should maybe go and see him..lol
My surgeon really wants his patients to do plastics as he says his experience have taught him that in the long term,people that did the plastics tend not to regain much.The reason Im thinking of this is that in order to body sculpt you still need some fat.A friend that reached goal (her goal not surgeons goal) and exercised like crazy had too little body fat for them to fix her butt without implants.she came out smooth but without any curves or a butt.The weight of the excess skin of arms,legs,full body lift and boobs were less than 2 pounds.The dr did say he really wished she had a little more body fat he could have worked with.I will go for a consult with a reconstructive guy just for the heck of it when I have lost 6 more pounds to see what he says about this.
Anyway,I am yet to start exercizing seriously.I still play squash twice a week and do pilates reformer though.When I stop being so lazy I will go and train with the personal trainer that has been paid upfront 4 months ago already..lol
Life is good in lalaland and we're having the mildest winter in the 11 years I've been here.Now that I can wear cute winters clothes,it is 00:50 in the morning and I am sitting on my balcony without a jacket...lol
God is good all the time and I am blessed beyond measure.I thank Him every day for this surgery that has given me back my life after so many years of failure and self loathing for my lack of self control.
10 days ago,while on holiday no less,I stopped smoking.It has been a challenge but I am not going to smoke again.I decided not to stress too much about my eating as I have visitors that eats nothing but junk and carbs.They do not eat any of the food we usually eat.For some reason this made me super self concious and I started cooking rubbish and eating it too.
Yesterday I weighed and was up 5 pounds already.This made me realize a couple of things.This is out life and my house.If they dont like the food we usually eat,let them either cook for themselves or go get takeouts.My kids have alos gained weight already and my little 12 year old is a gymnast and competition time is coming up.She cannot afford to gain weight now.
So I started cooking healthy foods again and I am down 2 pounds already.Avoiding the carbs just a little and sugar completely.Sugar is not my friend..lol.
The health issues are still there but as soon as the visitors are gone I will see the phycisian again.My hands and feet are a little better but I still have a lot of pain.The bruising comes and goes and the back and neck ache seems to be under control.
Life is good.I have decided to tackle issues as they come up and not regret anything about having the sleeve.I LIKE BEING THINNER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.it makes me feel great and I will keep it this way.No matter what.
We stayed at a stunning resort last week.There were these "toys" (a trampoline a bananna slide ect ect) in the sea.Usually I couldnt get on these things and would never even attempt to.But with a little ecouragement from the kids I got onto each and everyone of those things and we had a ball of a time.This again made me realize how different life is now.
Of course the fact that I fit into a size 10 (UK) freaked me out completely..lol.The size 36B bra is totally crazy as well.
So,this is me for now.Enjoying life,trying to find the balance with the food and just getting use to the new normal I now live.
i have lost 5 pounds since my last entry.it seems eating small portions of everything works great for me at this stage.I am thinking of extending my holiday a little..lol
xxo
Now I read all these posts of women saying:"o,its so hard to get in enough calories" and I want to laugh my head off!!!!!!
It is the easiest thing in the world to get too much calories in one's quest to get enough proteins.
So you drink 2 protein powders and they are 360 calories.Then you have 1 cup of milk at 100 cals.Another cup of veg beef soup at 220 cals and look where you are already.I read of people keeping around 600 cals in liquid phase and it freaks me out as I am already over that.
I dont have a problem drinking anything.When the dr says 6 half cups of liquid something during the day as food,do you now wait 30 min before and after or do you not?then,like with me not being able to drink water,I have to drink tea and all kinds of stuff to get the fluid in.
I AM SO SCARED I WILL FAIL AT THIS.
I cannot wait to feel a little more like a human so I can just stop thinking about all this ALL THE TIME.
I really like things that are more of an exact sience...with this I just dont know what ia going on from one day to the next.
My beautiful housemate and best friend of many years,that really knows the extent of my desturbed body image and the body dismorphia (real) I have had since the age of about 13 have taken it upon herself to teach me about size...lol
Well,at first she was very subtle and I didnt know what she was doing.She would constantly ask me,when we were in the shops or gym,if I thought I was bigger than this lady or that woman.....she wouldnt comment much but sh wold tell me if I was wrong.
Today she said she wanted to show me women that was the same size and women that was much larger.I was not to ague this with her but just had to look at these women and had to think about what this mean in terms of how I see myself.
Very interesting I might say until I came home and looked at the newest pics my daughter took of me.I am still big as a house.Pictures dont lie!And maybe I dont need to see myself with my eyes but maybe I can just learn to ignore what I see that isnt true,that might help already!
Rome wasnt built in a day and I will keep trying to be more realistic,even if it is with my head!
Everytime I have lost weigh in the past I thought I would be able to see it and I never could.This made me extremely paranoid when people commented on my weight loss.This in turn woul make me fall off plan to stop being anxious and the old cycle would repeat.
I do no have these expectations anymore.I can trust clothes size and as it stands now,I still wear a size 18 which is huge even though I know it is smaller than a 24.
Everbody's got a story dont we?everyone trying to cope with all the crazyness in the world and so many not even realizing how much a part they are in it.And until real disaster strikes we dont realize how insignificant our daily struggles really are.
Today was the day that I realized that I feel as if I can outeT the sleeve.I suppose in reality that is not really possible but I have got a lot of stuff going on that makes me want to eat (now my child wants to stay here in Dubai and finish uni and I just dont think it is the right thing to do,but she is grown up,what can I do)
The plan is from tomorrow I have to log everything I eat.Fitday.com is a program that I like...I find myfitnesspal difficult.So,it is me and y compulsion to eat life better,to eat stress away that is getting tested so early in this weight loss process.
The fact that I am so aware of the want to eat is good.I look at the brownies and walk away.I look at the cookies and decide tomorrow.Maybe this is a good thing to have to flex the portion muscle before the portion size gets bigger a few years from now.
just finished packing for our trip and my clothes only takes up about a third of the space the old big clothes use to take!Am just so excited to just get away for a few days and am not worried about the eating anymore.
We joked about it today as I have a mild bout of gastritis again and with the meds and the pain eating causes,I know I will be fine eating very,very little.Very timely,one wouldnt usually say of something like this!
We did another strange thing.Phoned the hotel and asked if we could bring our mini freezer (actually a camping fridge freezer...lol) as I have special dietary needs,I need sf popcicles so that I am not tempted to eat real ice cream...hehehe!It is a VERY special need indeed!
Here in the Middle east you will often find people bringing boxes of snacks and food when they stay at the 5 star resorts.The staff never says anything,the local habits are just different.We've never done anything like this before but I feel myself a local this week (been here 11 years and should qualify by now..lol)
See you all next week!
Today I am 229 pounds.O my goodness this makes me happy!
Some observations now that I am 3 and a half months out:
1. When I exercise and take a multivitamin I am a lot hungrier than usual.
2. At night,I can eat way more than in the morning.
3. Snacking of any kind stalls my weight.Who knows why.It seems that my body reaches a homeostasis quickly whe I give it little bits of food all the time,even though my calories stays at 800 per day.However,when I snack it is easy to go up to 1000 or even 1200 per day.
4. Losing focus is quite easy.When life happens I still want to return to my default,eating away my hurts and fears.Even though I cant.
5.Exercise hurts more than ever.My goodness I am weak.Maybe waiting so long before starting to do some weights was a bad idea as it is quite pathetic to see me now..lol
6.Calcium and magnesium citrate helps with constipation.
7.Not focussing on the scale,even learning to laugh the days the weight is up a little.When you know what you do is right,you will lose weight.If what you do doesnt work for you,change it!
8.CARBS certainly seems to be my friend.Even though everyone says dont!I lose way more when I eat little bits of carbs every day!
Now I am going to South Africa (where it is winter and cold cold cold) and this will be my baptism with fire as far as making good food choices are concerned.But for the first time I am sure things will go well.I know what I can eat,what I should avoid and as long as I keep my portion sizes small it will be ok.My mom has a treadmill so I can do some running for exercise!
I am so happy for everyone that is losing weight.It is so life changing and living is so much easier!
xxo
and...I am trying to be calm and enjoy liquids...hehehe.
I can drink to much.Will chat with the surgeon tomorrow.Why can I drink so easily when my friend thats 2 years out cant....with her it slow,slow,slow!
Am freaked out about weight loss that isnt too gr8 but its coming down.
This is a crazy emotional road i've chosen,it seems.
O yes,I went for a proper walk today.
Xxo
Recently I have come to understand that I am more stubborn than most people on earth.
1 cup of food is tooo much.Repeat, a whole cup of food is too much.Even if it is 2 oz of protein and lettuce and salad veggies....it is still too much.I feel too full after I have finished it,even with a break in the middle.
So,back to half a cup or 3-4 oz depending on what it is.
I will learn.
Today was a good food day.I have decided to stop the snacks and it wasnt difficult.Now I just have to get through this evening without snacking and I will be good to go.The exercise program is also taking shape now and I am/will exercise every day.
Now for the next ten pounds.
xxo
Today I started the day fast.I wanted to have yogurt with protein powder but could only manage some as it was just to sweet....hehehe,a first ever for me,something being to sweet to eat.
Went for tea with a friend and came home only at 15:00.I made a smooth protein thingy with 4 slices of turkey lunch meat which went down well.Only came home again at 19:00 and by then I had had quite a quite a bit of water but I also had a stomach and back ache like you wouldnt believe.the back ache is high up,where my bra is a little to the left directly behind the stomach ache.
Made some liquidized,strained soup and had that.wanted a little sweetpotato liquidized and really struggled with all this.Another first for me since this surgery.I never struggled to finish even a full cup of soup before.
I think that I should eat a little more frequently as it is only liquids,and I shouldnt be on my feet so much yet.
My one incision is a bit wet and red and if you see what the scars look like on the outside it makes you realize it is not healed altogether on the inside yet.
Tomorrow,I will make time to just sit every now and then.And I will take it a little easier.
I should also start tracking my intake a little better but I am super careful at the moment and actually know exactly what I am taking in.For future reference: 100ml yogurt,half cup turkey mousse,half cup strained beef soup,sweetpotato soup made with 120g of sweetpotato and NOT ENOUGH protein.about 40g in total.The calories were about 550-600 calories for the day.I am happy with this for now.
Hehe,its because I want a big tasty burger to feel some pleasure from food that I hate the sleeve today.I want to eat all my stress away.
Before I often use to read about peoples problems (personal) that they found overwhelming post sleeve and thought they were making stuff up or were really some messed up people.Now since being sleeved I feel like my life has fallen apart and I am completely without coping skills at this point.
I dont want to leave Dubai at this complicated point in out life (my special needs kid is at uni here) and I want to eat.I am not saying I am eating,I want to eat.Over eating means a few bites to many at this point,thats all.I feel like I need to eat a lot of food,ice cream,chips,and more food.THE ONLY OTHER THING THAT MAKES ME FEEL AS GOOD IS WHEN I LOSE WEIGHT.
I am at 800 cals a day,exercise 30 minutes at least,drinking calsium,a little low on the water but not much.Getting the proteins doing all the right things and the scale is not moving.
Ok,so maybe I have psyco PMS at the moment.
xxo
Somehow I struggle to get motivated to do exercise.So I do what I can at the moment.We played an hour of squash an I still love this more than any other exercise.
The surgeon stopped my blood pressure meds the day of surgery.I take my BP every day with a meter that I thought was accurate.Well,let me tell you.It is not.I had a 24 hour BP meter and the BP is high.Had to start back on meds.At the moment at half the dosage than before.Will see if this is enough.
This is a comination pill and I suppose the diuretic in it has done its work.I have lost 5 pounds in the last 2 days.
Man,I will have to find a different way to roxk the weight boat every week.Mind you,I have also cut my carbs way,way back and have been eating chicken (trying to do food protein of 80g every day) almost 3 times a day.Tomorrow I will do fish..lol.When the weight stalls again I will have a high carb eat what you want day and then I will cut them way back again.
I really plan on starting the exercise in a little more formal way tomorrow.Walk away the pounds from Leslie Samsone sounds like a great place to begin.
xxo
At the moment I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that at 45 I am now in menopause.I love being thin but I hate the fact that the weight loss screwed up my hormones so badly!And I hate these hot flushes!
Of course the question of how fast am I going to age now is in my mind all the time.For goodness sake,I am skinny for the first time in 20+ years.I have planned plastics and a lot of other fun things.I dont want to start looking like a dried out old prune before I am 50.Then there is all the conflicting info on HRT.Increasing or decreasing breast cancer and stroke risk? So many studies contradicting each other that I have no idea what to do.You read about the weight gain after menopause and how difficult weight loss becomes and I think shoot,Im screwed!Makes me want to eat..lol
Then there is the issue of my tea.Now I can admit I have been super bad with water,just like the exercise.But this is also because every time I start drinking more water my weight bounces up 2-3 pounds and I feel swollen.Having said this I had to get off the tea.It causes constipation when drinking it in huge quantities and I never new that.I was drinking 5-6 cups of tea (400ml cups) a day and was chuffed with myself for having found a way to side step the water...lol.But every time I come back from holiday,I get constipated.Had to look at what is different when I am gone and it must be the tea!Read up on it a bit and I think the dehydrating effect of tea made the constipation worse.
Back on the probiotics and I had only 2 cups of tea today and about 2 liters of water.
Now,I have about 3 pounds to get to dr's goal and have tonight decided to just do it already.I am going to cut my carbs again from tomorrow and see if it works and if it doesnt I will cut my food allowance for the day until I see results.Then I will lose 10 more pounds to SHOW THIS BLOODY MENOPAUSE that I can do it.
Ugg,so my little plastics fund has increased now to include a facelift when the face actually collapse...lol
O,and I will start exercising more...lol
......and since the 25th of June Ive been in A dreadful stall again.
I am exercising 5 days a week now.Hard cardio and weights.(sometimes weights!)
Will keep chugging away and not complain too much.
We are going on holiday on thursday and will see what the change from 105 degrees to 50 do for us.Worry about wanting more food when it is cold...lol
xxo
I have started with the 5 day pouch test today.
It is just so frustrating to me that my weight have stopped again where it have always stopped...just above 200 pounds.I am not cheating.I am exercising to the point of exhaustion.
But I will get under 200 even if I ahve to not eat for the next 2 weeks!
It ia just such a new thing for me to have to focus on protein drinks,food and fluids.Before we went to church this morning I had to have a cup of tea,make a protein drink,pack some water and some mushy lunch as we were going out directly after.
I just cant wait to start eating so I can have a protein bar instead of the drink and better even,to eat 65g of protein per day.
I have 4 more days of mushy food then a few weeks of soft foods.Just the fact that I will know how much I am ingesting is so much better than guessing how many cals my liquids actually have.
Must say,I am starting to love this smaller stomach,I ate a little sweetpotato today (mushed not liquidized) and I really felt full after 3 teaspoons full.I also notice I have less restriction at night than during the day...weird!
