well,I took the advice of everyone that said relax and enjoy the holiday.I added carbs and enjoyed the good food,the wine and the company!
I lost 3 pounds in the past 3 weeks.HOWEVER,my hair started falling out again like crazy.I mean I flooded the bathroom this morning when I didnt notice my hair blocking the shower drain...lol
Obviously my proteins for the past couple of weeks must have been way too low.Having said that,I have been wanting to test my total protein for a while now as I have some signs of not absorbing enough protein.It might be a matter of not spreading it out enough during the day.Will urgently have to look into that because at 10 months out this is now freaking me out a little.
At the moment I am 6 pounds from goal.There is still way too much fat on my stomach and my thighs so I will drop my goal with 10 pounds.Will also take my time with losing this as I do not plan on cutting back my calories as drastic as before.I was eating around 1500 on holiday and felt energetic and my skin looks better.Having added the carbs have taken care of my constipation issues and I dont have this constant mild belly ache I've had since surgery.
My kids are constantly saying things like "mom,when you came to fetch me at gymnastics I thought you were someone else" or "mommy,you are so skinny now" this feels so great and I have started looking at myself in the mirror for the first time in many many years.I really dislike the fact that I have so much loose skin and a lot of wrinkles but I am starting to see me a little better.I dont always look fat to myself anymore.Sometimes when I walk past shop windows I notice myself skinny and sometimes By the next window pane I see the old me.Being very body dismorphic I suppose this will take time.
Lately I have been wondering how I will get the courage to go for plastics.I am blessed with the finances (have set up a plastics fund years ago that is so big now I can do a trip around the world with it..lol) but lack the courage.I am petrified of anasthetic and am actually a real coward.I feel ashamed of this when I read how some people really want to go for plastics but cannot afford it.Plastics in the UAE is a very dicey business as you cannot see before and after pics or dont ever really know how good the surgeons are as it is a very hush hush business.People often rather go abroad to do it but I cannot see myself being brave enough to do this.Anyway,maybe I will wait till summer and drag the whole family off to some strange country to have this done.Or maybe I will somehow become brave and do it here.I see that dr Diamond of the tv program is a regular visiting surgeon now,should maybe go and see him..lol
My surgeon really wants his patients to do plastics as he says his experience have taught him that in the long term,people that did the plastics tend not to regain much.The reason Im thinking of this is that in order to body sculpt you still need some fat.A friend that reached goal (her goal not surgeons goal) and exercised like crazy had too little body fat for them to fix her butt without implants.she came out smooth but without any curves or a butt.The weight of the excess skin of arms,legs,full body lift and boobs were less than 2 pounds.The dr did say he really wished she had a little more body fat he could have worked with.I will go for a consult with a reconstructive guy just for the heck of it when I have lost 6 more pounds to see what he says about this.
Anyway,I am yet to start exercizing seriously.I still play squash twice a week and do pilates reformer though.When I stop being so lazy I will go and train with the personal trainer that has been paid upfront 4 months ago already..lol
Life is good in lalaland and we're having the mildest winter in the 11 years I've been here.Now that I can wear cute winters clothes,it is 00:50 in the morning and I am sitting on my balcony without a jacket...lol
God is good all the time and I am blessed beyond measure.I thank Him every day for this surgery that has given me back my life after so many years of failure and self loathing for my lack of self control.
At the moment I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that at 45 I am now in menopause.I love being thin but I hate the fact that the weight loss screwed up my hormones so badly!And I hate these hot flushes!
Of course the question of how fast am I going to age now is in my mind all the time.For goodness sake,I am skinny for the first time in 20+ years.I have planned plastics and a lot of other fun things.I dont want to start looking like a dried out old prune before I am 50.Then there is all the conflicting info on HRT.Increasing or decreasing breast cancer and stroke risk? So many studies contradicting each other that I have no idea what to do.You read about the weight gain after menopause and how difficult weight loss becomes and I think shoot,Im screwed!Makes me want to eat..lol
Then there is the issue of my tea.Now I can admit I have been super bad with water,just like the exercise.But this is also because every time I start drinking more water my weight bounces up 2-3 pounds and I feel swollen.Having said this I had to get off the tea.It causes constipation when drinking it in huge quantities and I never new that.I was drinking 5-6 cups of tea (400ml cups) a day and was chuffed with myself for having found a way to side step the water...lol.But every time I come back from holiday,I get constipated.Had to look at what is different when I am gone and it must be the tea!Read up on it a bit and I think the dehydrating effect of tea made the constipation worse.
Back on the probiotics and I had only 2 cups of tea today and about 2 liters of water.
Now,I have about 3 pounds to get to dr's goal and have tonight decided to just do it already.I am going to cut my carbs again from tomorrow and see if it works and if it doesnt I will cut my food allowance for the day until I see results.Then I will lose 10 more pounds to SHOW THIS BLOODY MENOPAUSE that I can do it.
Ugg,so my little plastics fund has increased now to include a facelift when the face actually collapse...lol
O,and I will start exercising more...lol
Since I have decided to take a week off I had a blast.Not overeating but just relaxing a little.
Of course toda I relaxed too much and bamm,ate half a container of caramel popcorn in the movies....which of course brings my cals for the day to about 1700....ooops!
Now if the theory of calories in calories out was scientifically correct then this should not be a problem at all.See we played in a squash tournament this morning with a bunch of young girls and boy did I burn a load of calories.According to my bodybugg I am far over 3000 cals for the day but to be on the modest side lets say it is 3000.
Which means I still have a huge deficit for this day......but alas,as experience have taught me this will not matter tomorrow when I weigh.
Ok,here is my prediction.I will be heavier at least 1to2 pounds heqvier tomorrow and this will not jus disappear again the next day.
anyhoo,I will start fresh this week and see if I can drop at least a few pounds this week.It must be doable.This 4 pounds for the month thingy is not going to do it for me for much longer so desperate times call for desperate measures...will just have to figure out what that might be...lol
I read a lot of posts and I see that we all have the same issues at some time or another.
Of course,every time I lose even one pound I am positive and when I dont I doubt.
Today is a positive day.hehehe
I am 217 today and I am happy!
In this blog I process externally (I dont really know how to be an internal processor..lol) The ups and downs of this journey is very real and when I have down time I read about my up times and then I can breathe again and wait....the weight losses come when they do.I eat right and wait.
Yesterday I started doing leg exercises...a little.And I can feel it.Today,I will do upper body and lower body.Cardio will have to wait until I am cold free again.
xxo
For the past week I have been thinking of what to write for my one year update.
Firstly,I dont regret having the sleeve as far having lost the weight and the way I am looking.It feels good to be thin even though I have loads of extra hanging skin.
But,and I am so sad that there has to be a but here...
I went into menopause at the age of 45 3 months after having the surgery.At the time my dr said it might just be because I am losing a lot of stored estrogen and the symptoms might disappear,but it didnt quite go away.I now have a period every 4 mnths or so and hotflashes,as they please.Horrible to be dealing with this now.Anyway,I am dealing with it.
I am bruised black and blue the whole time.Bruises that is clearly not casued by bumps as they are in such strange places.My bloods are all out of wack,different ones every time I have it done.The amount of pills I have to take is unreal.This would be fine if it wasnt affecting my stomach the way it does.I now have to add carafate to the PPi I am taking.As for the bruising,no one seems to know why this is happening and I am due for more tests in the next couple of weeks.The one thing that has also changed drastically is my lipid profile.My TC was never high,I had great HDL and LDL was normal.Now my HDL is super low,my LDL is super high and my Tc borders on high.Who knows how the heck that happens while losing 137 pounds?
About a month ago I started having symptoms of peripheral neuropathy.I dont want to comment on this too much as I am still inshock dealing with the burning,tingling and pain in my hands and feet.I hope this will go away with the supplements I am taking as I have no idea how one live with this indefintely without going stir crazy.
Just to top all this and make it more interesting,my neck,back and tailbone is giving me hell.I seem to be growing a hump om my upperback and the kids tell me I am bent like the moon.I have a lot of upperback and neck pain but the bad thing is I cannot atand for longer than a couple of seconds before my lower back is killing me.I can sit and I can walk,no problem.I just cannot stand.
I am extremely sad that things are not as straight forward for me as for others as it would have been nice to enjoy being at goal at this point.To have dealt with my fears about having plastics as I am almoat ready to so it I dislike my arms that much...lol.
However I am constantly trying to deal with some health fallouts at the moment.I am so scared that this will be my life now.Hands and feet on fire,a back that cause for me to have to sit down all the time.A neck that keeps me awake all night and to top that I look like I was in a bad accident or fight,all the time.
This all sounds so negative.But I might have gotten sick just from being fat if I didnt have this surgery.If only dealing with these issues werent so complex.If only there were some easy answers and fixes.I am a fixer.I am a doer.If something is wrong,fix it and most of my issues I cannot only not fix,I can hardly manage them.
Maybe in a couple of months I will find myself healthy.Painfree!Burn free!Free of bruises!Taking less than 15 pills a day.But for now I am a little fearful about my future.
And then I want to just delete this post as it isnt what I want things to be like and about.
But then I will leave it to read in a little while when things are better and the problems have been resolved.
Part 2 will talk about all the nice stuff...like wearing a size 36B bra..hehehe!And having bought a size 10,yes a size 10 broadshort, yesterday!Not all is bad and life does go on!
Its so stupid how being at my parents house and seeing them so old and frail can trigger me into some serious emotional eating.
Of course we cant eat a lot but I actually grazed yesterday for the first time since surgery.
Had protein meals,that was fine but I ate the following that I shouldnt have:
Crisps-about 10,a slither of milktart,twice!10 mini crackers with a pate on it and not little bit of pate,a lot.
A piece of quiche that had a flakey crust,which I ate.Dont have an idea what my cals were.
This holiday sucks so far.There was a crisis with the caregiver of my 82 year old diabetic uncle ( he's got senile dementia as well)My folks are old themselves but had to take him in for now,you cant abandon an old person to a old age facility just before christmas,that would just not be right.Problem is he need constant care and sits and sleep all day and was up all night making a huge racket.I sleep on a sleeper couch in the lounge (folks are in retirement village and mom freaks out if I want to stay somewhere else) so I am TIRED and get very little sleep.I am cleaning like mad as all the domestic servants go on holiday in December which I think is rediculous as they are not believers and dont celebrate christmas,which is a religious holiday as far as Im concerned.
Thank goodness I am leaving on Sunday for Cape Town.But then it is the crazy inlaws.Luckely I insisted on staying in a hotel apartment so I will have my own space and can get away when I need to.
It is just so sad to see the family getting so old.Even sadder to see how little time working folks have for themselves and others.
But the point remains that I cannot allow myself to feel so guilty about my life and feel so bad for them that my only response is eating.Life will be full of challenging situations in the future.My coping skills will have to change if I want to keep my weight down.
Will post my weight when I can get to a scale a little later.
Have been MIA for a while.I returned 1 day before moving house and have been unpacking and sorting out stuff since then.
I have lost another couple of pounds and am at 158 most days.This seems to me the perfect weight for me.I am skinny.I really look thin.Even I can see it now.No more saddle bags on legs! Stomach is flat as a pancake,boobs non exisitent even thought they hang on my knees,no butt whatsoever..lol.
Life is good and I have been eating a lot of junk and still losing weight.Am maybe not eating as much as I think.
We love love love our new house.It has a huge lap pool with a jaccuzi and a sauna.It also has a lake view.Beautiful to sit putside or run next to the lake.
I will be seeing physician next week as I need bloods done.I am so bruised it is unreal.My back also aches like mad if I stand.Can sit,lie down and even walk and be ok but not stand in one place.My eyes seems to be soing ok and thecoated toungue issues continues.I have taken stuff for thrush numerous times to no avail.
All in all life is great and I am very happy.We are taking a short seaside break in a couple of weeks so I need new bathing suite and broad shorts.The arms I cannot hide.In fact my friend told me it makes me look old,nice friend,lol!So even if I never do my boobs,legs bodylift or facelift,I will so my arms.Then no one can see that I look strange for my age..lol
Will post when blood results are in and on the 13th.
I suppose being up for longer than 36 hours is not very helpful when making food choices.
I had half a crossant on the plane.Then a piece of chicken for lunch (good girl) but for dinner they were having fish and chips and I had about 7 chips and a too big piece of fish.I dont slime or anything.I start getting pain and then the food just keeps coming back up in my mouth.
This should be a lesson today.I need to be aware and not make stupid choices I will regret later.
Tomorrow,I will just have a carb free day.Will go and buy some chicken and smeat balls and satay kebabs that I can just keep on hand to eat when I need to.
Will update i. The afternoons to keep me accountable.
It is interesting to see how little I really eat.Also will be interesting to see what the scale does when I get back home.
We are staying in a hotel and we have breakfast included.This is what I ate.Half a soft boiled egg,.25 of a arabic flat bread,about half an once of brie cheese,one teaspoon of hummus,half a slice of deli beef.A cappucino before I ate.
Then at 12:00 2 pieces of beef jerky.At 2:30 we ordered lunch.I ordered a beef burger that looked so great I told the kids to get the camera,Im going to eat the whole thing...lol.Well,I ate .25 of the hamburger patty because I first saw some lettuce leaves with a little balsamico and I had to eat that.At 17:30 we decided to have a pina quilada in the sea while gently rocking on our chairs in the water.This made me so nauseous I am still recovering...lol.Also a bit giggly as I still havent learnt to stop after half a drink which would have been just enough.Now there is a international buffet my family wants to go to and I will have to see what I can eat.
The thing is I am totally HOOKED on protein pancakes.It is so crazy!I miss them so much when I cant have it.It like a meal,protein and pudding all in one for me and I just love them!
Tis stupid scale at the hotel weighed me 3 pounds heavier than my home scale just whe we arrived and of course this makes me paranoid.Hope it isnt right though I doubt it.
We went on the boat today with the kids on the tube.Tomorrow we will go and snorkel ar Dibba rock and then join the kids for a joy ride on the banana tube just to show how brave mom's gotten.
We played badmington on the beach for a long long time and my energy is endless now.
Life is so different now that i am so much lighter.I dont sit and watch everyone do the fun things any more,I participate in every thing there is to do.
I cannot wait to go skiing some time early next year.
More than anything I cannot wait to lose this last 30 pounds so I can start looking into plastics.My butt is hanging behind my knees and no bathing suite stays over it.I am constantly pulling and tugging to keep it in place and will seriously have to look for a different style one.The wrinckly skin also bothers me a little,but hey,I dont know anyone one here so am not too self concious (spelling!)
Life is good and not even the cold I have could spoil the fun this time around!
This morning when I got up I thought I had a hard day ahead of me.Negotiating a lease for a new house with a super difficult landlord.I felt like eating and was in a bad mood cause I couldnt.
Now I am on my way to the airport to fly out to SA as my mom is very ill.This put everything into perspective once again.EATING IS JUST NOT THAT IMPORTANT.I ended up not eating most of the day as I was just to busy and worried about my mommy.We can so easily focus on the wrong stuff and the want to eat away problems is one of them,
Anyhow,my labs just sucked.Cant talk about it now but will post when I have time.But my bone density is normal.Great news.
Now to resist the airoplane food,I always seem to end up eating it though!
O,and I was at goal for a minute during the week.But just for a moment though.I did run twice and played squash twice.Will really start exercising when I get back in a couple of weeks.Now,to not go and be to emotional with the eating back home and while missing my girls will be the challenge.
The sleeve seems to ache a little tonight which I think is just stress.And I wonder if I did try to eat if I would have been able to.Interesting how restriction kicks in when stressed.
Ok,Im out of here!
Immediately after arriving I realized it will be a battle to get through this week without eating off plan,just because of the way my family eats.
My mom and sister have gained a lot of weight since I saw them in July.Sis because she had bilateral foot ops and cannot walk properly and mom because she is so stubborn.She needs knee replacement and Have issues with her foot after a failed surgery.
They both know that for them it is the little calorie additions that makes them gain weight.They've never been very fat like I was but they both lost quite a bit of weight with mindful eating.Cutting all the extra unneccessary calories.For instance.
When I offered to make tea they all wanted juice.And not little glasses of juice,huge ones.They also joked around about still being hungry after lunch,hauling out a christmas cake and eating huge pieces of it.I know they are a little self concious about trhe fact that I have lost so much weight.But they once again try to make out as if it happens by itself and I am so lucky!
Nothing to do with luck.I dont eat the junk they do.Not even in small portions.of course I will eat when we go out but I dont have coke or juice with it and I dont have to have a dessert anymore every time I eat.I NOW CHOOSE WHAT I EAT AND ALMOST FORGOT YESTERDAY that I CAN ALWAYS CHOOSE.
Love them but this is not going to be easy.I have to not try and tell them both that they will walk easier if they dont gain in fact lose 20 pounds each.It is not my business and I will not make it mine.I just feel so sorry for them when I see them struggle to walk.
Anyhoo,will go shopping for food that is good food and seems a little holiday like,for them as well as myself.Things they dont buy for themselves.They will enjoy that.I cannot feel guilty for being thinner than them either.They make their own choices.But it is the first time in 25 years that they are heavier than me and boy there was a lot of clowining around about it yesterday.Made me feel embarrased and shy again.
Well,lets see how this day goes!
This is just to remind you why smoking ever again would be a stupid thing to do.
You constantly want to snack now that you dont have the smoke to run to.Everything but proteins have carbs.So edamame is nice but the carbs .....,even the bullets have 2 carbs an if you eat 5 per day that adds another 10 carbs.The dreaded feeling that you have just self sabotaged like you always do is horrible isn it?Not knowing if you will lose more weight?Not seeing the bright side of life because 1.either your smoking like a thief with something to hide or 2.your withdrawing like a junkie once again....
Having to go through the cravings and being so mad at yourself all the time is quite unhealthy dont you think?
The way you feel at the moment sucks.Dont do it again.
Ok,day 3 is over and I must admit.Without being able to eat the whole time,this was tough.
when we went on holiday in July I lost loads of weight.eating out all the time,no tracking,counting carbs no execise (ok,I didnt exercise at all until then)
Now,back in our old routine,I have startes exercising loads.I burn about 3000 cals most days and about 2300 on the days I rest.
My food on execise days are about 1000 cals (naturally more hungry days) but on non exercise days at 800.
The lack of consistent losing is still driving me batty!
My head is seriously done in by this.
I have considered stopping the exercise again but boy am I flabby!On the one hand exercise is not going to help me reduce the skin at all but it might help for the additional blubber to even out.I am very lumpy on my legs.
Sometimes I consider doing fluids only for a day or 2 but I hate protein shakes.And I drink way to much tea with milk when I dont eat.Besides that the moment I decide to do fluids I want to eat....lol
I know I am super impatient about this as the average weight loss is still 1kg a week but I want to lose more.It is amazing to me that others can be so happy to just plod along.I try but fail to be happy with that.
Mainly I am impatient as I feel stuck above 200.199 would have been fine to sit on for a while but boy I want to be out of the 200 so badly.
It is an issue that I am thinking of eating so often.Maybe if that was different I wouldnt have minded losing slower but it just feels like a super strict diet that I am on.I am trying to get hold of some half and half so that I can stop worrying about the carbs in the milk.
And maybe I should just add carbs to my diet now so that my body can adjust to that and lose weight while eating carbs again.It worked just fine for 5 months,why wouldnt it work now?
Writing these things down helps me.I've looked back on this blog a few times and it changes my perspective sometimes to see that there is good times and bad.
So,weight is still 205 and I will only post again when it is down some more.
A positive post this next time as I have started using this as the place to whine!However,I have stopped talking about the weight loss and food issues with others and when I finish here,I feel better and can face the day with a more positive outlook.
Having said all this,I am a crazy optimist that would expect a weight loss tomorrow just to often be disappointed again.Maybe the issue really is the fact that I am weighing every day.It is difficult to not get on the scale though.
Ok,upwards and onwards!
lately I have being thinking about being such a pleaser.Not only a peoples pleaser but everything and everybody.Not a happy pleaser either for the past few years.
When you st unrealistic standards you are doomed to fail.Not only that my fear of failure and success has become a serious stumbling block in my life.
My friend ( very successful lady) always says she is a plodder.She just starts somewhere without contemplating the whole big picture and adjusts as things play out.Me on the other hand needs the see the outcome even before I have started and I have become stuck as everything has the potential not to be perfect.
And when the scale moves down I can be positive about the long term outcome and when it doesnt I feel dread coming my way.
It is also stopping me in other aspects of my life which really needs changing.If something can be accomplished fast in a short time I can see the big picture but most things in life just dont happen that fast.
So this is my resolve.In order for me to do a different degree (I have one in nursing,got it 25 years ago,never needed math for that) I have to do IGCSE math and English.That is like year 10 math.I felt very resentful of this for years and would lose the plot completely because I just didnt want to do it as it would waste another year of my life.This year I am going to do it.Like a little 15 year old.But maybe starting somewhere again will teach me the patience I lack to just plod along and finally reach the end of something.And maybe this will help me along this weight loss journey that is a journey forever and not only for now.
Weight 205 today!
Even this far out and soooo close to goal,after losing fast for the past two months,I am now stuck again.
At just 2 pounds from goal!
This is frustrating as I did the chicken thing this week,no alcohol ect ect with zero results.It still messes with my mind when this happens..lol.I still doubt what I am doing and if I will be able to eat this little forever just to maintain this weight.
It does feel to me at this point that it is time to be finished with the weight loss phase.
My probiotics isnt helping for the constipation anymore and I have decided to start eating fiber one every day to see if this makes a difference.this will push up my carbs quite a lot but it is what it is.I can live with 2 extra pounds but I cannot live with constant constipation.I do not want to take stoolsoftners every day because I either drink to much or to little.Cannot find e dosage that is just right for me.
I will be doing labs and bone scan this week.Just recently I have been having a lot of aches and pains in my "bones".My back lower and upper,and my neck is constantly aching.It feels like I am curving more and more.As if my "frame" is collapsing...lol.My joint are also super achy like when you have flu.
Well,its weekend and my kids are sick so I am stuck at home.Bad thing for my eating as I am constantly wanting to eat something..lol.Will cut myself some slack for a couple of days though.
This is such an interesting journey.I am mostly happy and satisfied with myself at this point and that is great.I do worry about vitamins and calsium issues and will start working on a more organized way to drink the calsium 4 hours after the PPI and other vitamins staggered throughout the day.
Will report on labs next week!
today I weighed 198 pounds for the first time in many years.
It seems I really did need an attitude change...lol
The food is still mostly proteins.No obsessive behavior there...a few carbs makes no difference but boy do more exercise make a huge difference.
We now run up to 6 km 3 nights a week.It is still 95 degrees some nights and it takes a lot of mental strenght to go out there.But I want to lose weight.
Tuesdays and Saturdays we play roun robin squash for more than 2 hours.
Sundays and Tuesdays I have reformer pilates class.On Monday,Wednesday and Friday we run.
I also try to do some circuit training in the gym twice a week.Should step this up a Little to build more muscle but its a work in progress.
I am very,very,very,very achy all over.My right leg (in front from the thigh right down to my lower leg) aches all the time and sleeping without pain killers is DIFFICULT.But I want to be thin.
We went to a Ill Divo concert last night and this morning my friend told me that I looked very pretty last night.She says people looked at me.This really freaked me out as I am tall and my hearts desire has always been to just blend in with thw crowd.Now I feel even taller for some reason and I know one notices taller people just because we stand out.All this means I have to start dealing with my fear of man or my life might be a little difficult in future.
I will post pics of before and after tomorrow if I switch on my mac.Ipad does not upload onto this website and I cannot figure out how to upload with my Iphone.
So,I've now lost 99 pounds.To celebrate we are going for a run tonight.Also to see how far we can run without stopping so that we can start with a more structured running program
since I've last posted my weight of 211 on the 16th,I thought I had not lost any weight at all.In fact a week ago my weight jumped up 4 pounds after I had some caramel popcorn (not a whole lot either) and a frozen yogurt.
At the time my stress levels was at an all time high and we had to make some very very difficult life altering decisions.I really wished I could just eat and eat like before but HATED the weight that came back.
After last weekend I decided to do the right things again but still didnt think I had lost any weight this week.
Well,when I converted my weight from kilos to pounds I was super pleased to see I am down another 2 pounds.Yes, 209 today!!!!!!
I am hoping for the weight loss to pick up a little again as I am really exercising hard now.I am also eating very clean foods again.
One thing that bugs me though.Since my sugar fender bender I am experiencing what I believe is hunger.It feels physical to me.Might be head hunger though.Will have to explore this a little further but I am worried about this.I also feel at times that I want to eat more.When I eat only proteins I eat 3oz and do feel full but not satisfied.
Anyhow,I am on my way with the weight loss again as I have already booked our next holiday and I NEED to be at least 30 pounds lighter by then...I will work my butt off for this!
Will meet up with my Dubai sleeve buddies some time.They are all doing very very well.
So,next entry might only be when I've dropped the next 5 pounds....but that is going to be soon and I am going to drop this fast...hehehe!
Today,for the first time I regret having this surgery.
Not in all my life of professional dieting (lol) have I ever felt so out of control about losing weight.
Nothing I do seems to break this stall,When my friend went on a crazy detox and liquids for 5 days to drop 5 pounds after a 2 week stall,I told her to relax,eat exercise and the weight will come off.Now (my surgery was 2 weeks after hers) I am in this crazy stall.the weight seems to come off and then bounces back on,over and over and over.
I have huge stress in my life with the not knowing where we are moving,leaving my child behind....for sure I dont need this weight rubbish as well.If liquids is what is takes then liquids is what we'll do.
I hate this sleeve.
ok so I have hit the mother of all stalls.And all the doubt and all the anxiety has returned.
Am I eating to much?Am I eating to little?What should I eat?What am I doing wrong.I must be doing something wrong.
I know,with the rational part of my brain,that I have TOM and the 2 pounds that I am up is normal for this time of the month.My housekeeper reminds me every morning when I storm down the stairs in a bad fat mood that this is the way its been since surgery and that I look thinner to her.She is so sweet.And such a LIAR..lol!
It has been quite a while since the scale has moved and I dont know how to survive these stalls.My mood still depends way to much on the number on the ruddy scale.I must say I dont weigh near as much as before just because I just dont have any expectations anymore,which is not a good thing!
I am just so scared every time I hit a stall that it will nwvwr end and this is as good as its going to get for me.
But nothing I do changes this so I guess I will just have to sit it out.(this is punishment for always thinking that peolple who said they stalled were cheating with their food..lol)
Thanks for the responses!
Well,the burning and tingling in my hands might be related to the fine rash of blisters that I have started developing this week...I might have shingles after all! But till I can get to see the dr.I have started adding a lot of new stuff to my pills...lol. CoQ10,fish oil pills and extra vit D and some magnesium and extra vit C.
My hands still tingle but that terrible burn has been a bit better for 2 days now.The pain is also less.Got meself a tempur pillow to go with my lovely tempur bed and my neck feels a bit better.Decided to sit if I cant stand...lol.
I do really hope the bruising goes away just because and seeing as I cant fix these issues just like that,I must just learn to manage it day by day.Of course you can hear Im having a good day..relatively painfree and I had about 6 hours sleep last night..lol.
No seriously though!I was a fat,healthy person with the constitution of an ox...lol.It just overwhelms me sometimes when I realize I am taking pain killers every day or when I go shopping with my girls and have to bail out halfway...THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED IN MY LIFE! It scares me when I realize our dr's here in the UAE knows NOTHING about bariatric surgery!They question you when you say you have to do one year post op bloods.The vitamins we can find here is sub standard and something like bariatric viamins is unheard of.Even powdered vit D ( which I need as my D stays very low even with high D supplements) is not available.I am going to try and buy it with shop and ship and see if they confiscate it.
Ok,so tomorrow part 2.the great year I've had,how interesting maintenance is and what I do right and wrong now!
today I weighed under 90kg's for the first time in many years.For people that weigh in pounds 200 seems to be the big number to break through but in kilos being less than 90 is the ultimate YES!
Interesting stat from my dr this morning.In 4 months I have lost 20kg's which translates into 44 pounds.It averages out to 11 pounds per month in the last 4 months.Which is not something that I could see for some reason.
Of course my first thought was to celebrate with food.This is something I will have to really work on.I dont mean bad food,just more food.I've been eating really little lately and I do miss eating tasty meals.
Because of the protein struggle (and to keep my cals below 800 when eating dense protein) I've been eating protein pancakes made with egg white and protein powder,too often.
If I could cut the amount of milk I use per day it would be easier but I like my tea and coffee with milk and 4 cups (3 tea) translates into to much milk.
Anyhoo,awaiting the blood results now but the dr isnt too worried about the petechiae as it is already clearing up a little.I did have a B12 and D injection again as well.And I have been wondering how do people get off their blood pressure meds.My blood pressure is now 120 over 80 which is normal but with the very strong meds I am taking.How does the dr decide to stop it?Do they just stop it or go on lower dosage or what?I forgot to ask.
Still,it is not normal and only bloods would tell if it is something to worry about.The dr wasnt to sure about the blood work needed so I kind of told him a few I thought was important.Will read up on it a little and maybe have the rest done with my GP.
Beach weather here in Dubai so this weekend,starting today will be spend working on the Vit D
5 beautiful years. Some drastic lifestyle changes (I went back to school and stopped all exercise like playing squash, running and cycling as well as reformer pilates) contributed to me gaining about 25 pounds in the last year and I am ready to lose them again. The problem is I can eat and drink anything and a lot of anything too. I have had many health challenges over the past 3 years and am in menopause, flashing like a red light all the time. Nothing helps and the hormones that were prescribed drove me nuts!
But life is great. I never did go for any plastics as I was too scared. Of course I regret this now. However, if I can manage to lose this weight I will go for a facelift as I look really old, and maybe some more work. Dieting will be an adjustment as I seem to have this same old I will start tomorrow therefor feast today mentality at the moment.
Today was the first day of low carb, protein first and I got through the day ok.
As I sit here, I wonder how many of the other "old timers" have maintained and how many are still battling the bulge like me 😂😂😂😂😂
Since the 13th I have lost another 3 pounds for which I am very happy.
But today I had a fat day.Where I am not satisfied with my weight loss so far and I wished I could just enjoy anything I ate like I did before the sleeve.Silly really as I would allow myself "anything" if only I knew what that was.
I dont find pleasure in food anymore.It is not fun to eat anymore.But then my little kid tells me that eating is not fun.It is nice to eat good food but it is not fun.Fun is stuff that you do,like swimming or dancing or playing a game...lol.And she is right.
And maybe I feel like this because Im getting a cold again OR
Or maybe it is because of this skinny woman at my kid's gymnastics who never speaks to me, that for some reason tonight, decided to loudly and in front of everybody say,O you've lost so much weight.I can even see it in your face now.Are you following a specific diet? To which I answered,yes very specific...lol
Whereupon she said, o its very hard but its got to be done! In front of everybody!!!
And goodness knows why that got to me so badly.of course everyone comments on the weight loss but this was just embarrassing for some reason.The be-atch in me wanted to say to her and maybe if you changed that horrid hairstyle of yours you would look so much better too.Its very hard,but its got to be done! But I didnt.and I have never been too sensitive about what others would say,goodness as a fatty Ive had to bite my tongue a few time in my life when people would make comments.So whats up with me now?
Crazy thing is whereas I was just thinking about food today,I came home and actually had a packet of weight watchers crisps which I dont even like.So Ive been thinking of how I need to get over myself and toughen up a bit.I cannot let peoples comments get to me.Since we have this big family reunion in December (my housemate's family not mine) and boy are they a bunch of rattlesnakes (hehehe...she doesnt want to go if we dont go with her) of course they will make their snarky comments.I can bet top dollar that the extra skin on my arms will be mentioned a few times and my eating this little will be critized now,I have to not allow myself to eat "away" what I feel.Maybe,just maybe I should for once say these quick comebacks that come up in my head out loud.That might just shut people up.But I wont,because I am not like them.
I suppose this is life and a good nite's sleep might just give me back my perspective.And tomorrow I might have a thinner day!
This morning I weighed 184.Looking back at this blog I can see the weight is still coming off.Good!
I am having a very challenging time keeping my cals low while upping my protein.My hair is falling out like crazy again and I cannot figure out why.
I have also increased my healthy fats.We need them and for years now I've been low fat even when I was eating rubbish it was just saturated fats.Now,Im trying to teach my kids a balance and kids dont learn by telling them stuff.They learn by example.adding a tablespoon of olive oil per day has increased my cals with 133 wich puts me closer to 1000 than to 800.Cant really lower the food intake the I go low on protein again.Wont give up my milk in my coffee for no one...lol.Will keep tweaking this.I am different than others that mostly eat e same stuff every day as that sets me up for a snack attack..lol.I like variety and will keep making different things that is yummy!
The exercise is going a little better.Still havent started with a trainer but I am running and playing squash and doing reformer once a week now as it hurts my knees a lot.Will phone the trainer for an appointment today.I dont know why I am so resistant about the toning and weights with the trainer.Im scared I cant do what he wants me to.
Anyhoo,this is an ongoing process and last week I fitted at least 20 dresses for a big function we had this weekend.I fit in a 14 but I hate my stomach.This has now inspired me to lose faster and to start exercising more.Will post pics of the weekend on the yacht.It was awesome and I didnt feel self concious for the same reasons than before but because I got so many compliments.
O,just one more strange thing.This week about 5 different people asked me what Im doing to lose weight.These are all people that knows that I've had the surgery.So,to everyone that dont want to tell people.They dont care anyway and seem to forget or not really understand what it means...lol.Even though I told all of them again,they still want to know what diet Im following and still all say now they feel ashamed of not losing weight....tooo weird as hallo,I cut off 80% of my stomach,you cant compare yourself with that...lol
Time to get moving again.
Earlier I posted this post about being sick of the sleeve and desperate and doing the duodenal switch...blablabla...yada,yada,yada........
Then I went back to the gym to play a game of squash.We played hard and fast and my goodness it felt soooo good.
This all made me decide that I will lose more weight.Even if I have to learn to run a hundred km at a time.I will do whatever I can to lose the last 38 pounds.
My friend is a personal trainer and I will start train with him next week.I need to start doing some serious muscle building.
My goodness,why would I not lose weight if I really work hard?Why do I feel that its not fair that my weight loss have stopped?Who said life was fair?
No more chip on my shoulder about this.Yes,I might have terrible days where the scale might affect my mind but I will think positively about losing weight and getting to goal.
Tomorrow morning before we go out with friends I will do some exercise and in the afternoon I will either go and swim in the sea or I will go walk while it is still 97 degrees!(swim sounds like fun!)
