I suppose being up for longer than 36 hours is not very helpful when making food choices.
I had half a crossant on the plane.Then a piece of chicken for lunch (good girl) but for dinner they were having fish and chips and I had about 7 chips and a too big piece of fish.I dont slime or anything.I start getting pain and then the food just keeps coming back up in my mouth.
This should be a lesson today.I need to be aware and not make stupid choices I will regret later.
Tomorrow,I will just have a carb free day.Will go and buy some chicken and smeat balls and satay kebabs that I can just keep on hand to eat when I need to.
Will update i. The afternoons to keep me accountable.
This afternoon I weigh 174.
We are checked in online and will now pack.Flying out tonight.
This holiday I will try my best to not let emotional issues with family get to me.I do not want to gain weight and I am going to try my hardest to be controlled in my eating.The skin on my arms really but me and I have become super self concious about this.Its summer and a sea holiday with family that I havent seen for a long time.They are all thin and have always been very critical of each other and of me.I will not let this upset me and will be kind and gentle (I do believe in miracles..lol) and will get myself a rash vest and broad shorts and pretend Im a surfer with my little kid...hehehehe!
My dr's goal is only 9 pounds away and I am super excited about this.
Never been to goal since the age of 23 and that is way too long ago to even remember!
I think I've got this thing about "dumping" with the sleeve.
Let me explain.I think I've been eating relatively low carb recently.And I say I think as I am not tracking my carbs,just checking my protein intake more or less every day.But I have not had any added carbs this week except green peppers and onions.Tonight I had a bit of TGI friday spinach and artichoke dip with some veal strips.During the day I had some chicken strips and some beef strips.Had 2 Dolchi gusto cappucinos.And then tonight I decided to have some Amarula liqeur.Its like Baileys.
I took one sip and bam,I started feeling hot,nauseas,palpitations,feeling like I had to visit the toilet,felt absolutely aweful.Early post op I had a couple of incidents like this when I would eat some sugar or fat for that matter.But lately I would have a cookie if I wanted or ok,I sont really do sugar at all anymore really.The cookie would be it.Mind you I've had some caramel popcorn and I was fine.
But I think sometimes my carbs are just not that low and then the added sugar (like in the popcorn) doesnt affect me at all,makes me super tired but thats it.
I think when I am quite low carb and busy dropping weight fast,I cannot do sugar or a lot of fat.I think the Amarula like the Baileys have got cream in it and lots of sugar and boy did I feel sick from a tiny sip.I can drink a jin and tonic once in a while and if I sip it slowly and nurse it all night,I am fine.
So,sugary drinks,just like anything else sugary is now off limits.Thinking about it,I shouldnt really drink the tonic either as it is carbonated and even if you stir out all the gas,there is still some left.
One thing I am sure of.Alcohol will not be a problem in my future as it is as unappealing most of the time as ice cream,and I use to eat a pint of that per night pre-op.
You live,you learn.
Well,this morning I weigh 175.5 pounds.I am soooo happy.
Ive started thinking about a couple of changes I have made over the last month and it must be these that has started speeding up my weight loss.
The most important one is I started taking high doses of probiotics.I really couldnt reconsile myslef with the idea of taking stool softners an dlaxatives for the rest of my life.I had to try a few different ones as some gave me heartburn but found one that I dont even think is multi strained it is just acidophylus.2 caps 3 times a day and when I forget during the day 3 and 3 when I remember.i open them and drink the powder with water.My constipation has all but vanished.I also eat more spicy food and whereas my tummy still complains when I do this too often,I think this is helping too.
Then,I have stopped using low fat products.I have 2 kids and I know they need fats and wasnt getting it.I have started adding generous portions of olive oil when cooking (dont measure and I use enough) every day.I have also started aming basic dishes like beef and chicken,cut into strips,rolled in flour with some parmesan cheese fried in a little oil.Now I was a bit scared in the beginning of the flour as I use to not add any carbs to my diet for the past few months.But because I dont put egg on the meat before I dip it in my flour mix,just a thin layer of the flour sticks to the meat and chicken,The thing is it is somsoft and tender cooked this way that I just kept on doing it.For the past 2 weeks this,along with wok fried onions and capsicums of all colours (a lot ot these) have been my staple.I have also not limited myself in the amount that I eat and I know I eat way more than 9oz per day.When I am hungry I have a few pieces.The carbs cannot be enough to trigger cravings as I have none.
Having said that I have eaten out about 5 times in the past 2 weeks.Thai pumpkin and chicken fritters,Indian curry,roast beef and gorgonzola,ect ect. i of course dont eat much and I am satisfied.
I have lost loads of weight just recently and I think the reason is I am satisfied faster because of the fats in the food.It does fill you up fast.I dont have cravings for anything.Added bonus my skin is not dry anymore and my energy levels are up.
Just one thing that is not the best thing...I also often drink cappucinos.This darned dolchi gusto machine is just an evil little thing,I cant resist the coffee.I have read just this week where a lady that posted about her 1 year post op said she found early on that caffine makes her lose weight.This is not why I am drinking the coffee though and I have started limiting myself again,some days.
Exercise,nothing for the past 10 days.Stupid but thats the way it is with me.I have an irrational fear of losing the weight while exercising way more than what I will be doing for the rest of my life and then regaining when I start doing less exercise again.I havent ever discussed this on here as I know everyone will differ with me about it but this is exactly what happened to me before.I will lose this weight as balanced as I possibly can and anyway,the moment I start running longer distances,this stupid fear really sits in the back of my head all day every day,thats why I stop every time.Crazy,yes,stupid,yes,real,for sure.But I do play squash and go to some pilates reformer classes,which is way less than an hour every day.
I am now 5kg's from my dr's goal weight for me and a BMI of 25.Seems unreal to me.
Well,178,7 tonight with clothes,heavy pants.This morning it was 177,9 and I decided the scale must be wrong.Weighed just now with all my clothes after a gr8 dinner (a bit carby though) and it was still down.Went inside and decided to strip off the heavy clothes (I always weigh before having a bath after undressing) and low and behold,it is 177.5.
Who will ever understand the way we lose?
12.5 pounds to goal even though I still seem to have a lot of fat all over.Will get down to 154 where I know I look "not fat" anymore.
Now,we actually weigh in kilograms.This means I am 80,7 and the long awaited 70's,just around the corner.This will be a huge huge milestone for me.In 1992 I doubled my body weight in one year.(lots of trauma and depression that followed,coupled with an addiction) I completely missed the 70's and ended up 120kg's before I knew it.I was way too thin at 60kg's and had a BMI of 17 at that point.
Now,a BMI of 23 seems perfect to me as I look good at about 72kg's.
Boy,I would just love to be under 80 before we go on holiday the 18th.
I still cant believe this sleeve works so well and sometimes really wish the sleeve could just stay this size and I could never eat more food,ever again.
179.7 pounds this morning.
Eating off plan once every 2 weeks seems to help every now and then.When I was on Atikins if I stalled I would have a plate of spagetti bolognese and voila,the weight would drop.Should just be back on plan immediately the next day though.
Happy me!!!!
The moment I say my hair is not falling out anymore,hands full come out.
The moment I say eating is now stress free and easy,I have a bad day...lol
Today was a bad day and counting the caramel popcorn I had at the movies (went to distract myself,ok,not...to eat popcorn) my calories was about 1500 for the day I believe.Wont know as I dcided not to track today.
That was at lunch time and of course it did trigger a worm in my head.For dinner I tried to be good,had 3oz of turkey breast and capsicum but an hour later I found some chicken livers my housekeeper had made with perri-peri and onions and I ate about another 3oz of that.Then I was on a roll.But,I stopped myself and have had 3 huge cups of tea with milk since then.
Funny thing is Stress really gets to me these days where as before the surgery I was tough.Really tough.My kids nearly fainted when they saw me cry a month or so after surgery as I am not,or was not,the crying type,ever!
I live thousands of miles from my family and when things go wrong there with one of them I feel so isolated and powerless.but what bugs me more is that I have physical symptoms that I can only think is stress.I am not sick but have a huge fever blister on my lip.My back and face for that matter have broken out in acne-like pimples...I look like a teenager at the moment.
Of course before we go home we always groom ourselves a lot and pretend we always look like this...hehehe.This time though,I am full of pimples,a fever blister,my nails are as short as they've ever been so no nice french manicure and my bras just dont fit.I am now a size 38 C cup but the problem is with a C cup the bit under the arm is too narrow to hide the jelly bits on the side of the boobs and under the arm so I either have to wear a bra that is floppy in the cup or one which makes the jelly bits show.I have gone out and bought an insame amount of clothes just because I am stressed about everyone seeing me for the first time.Stupid isnt it?
I have also developed this crazy pain between my shoulder blades and I am sure it is because my boobs are hanging the way they do.My little kid tells me my back looks like a moon so I've been looking for those posture support thingies.Problem is "due to higene issues madam" one cannot fit them and I dont have a clue which size I should buy.Also"due to higene issues madam" you are not allowed to return it.
Tomorrow I will smell the roses.My little kid is coming back from camp (was a little lost without her) and my friend from Perth is coming for a quick visit.I have taken control of my overly busy schedule.Have dumped the project of bringing a couple of guys that are on the streets in Brazil since been released from prison back to SA before christmas on someone elses shoulders (I will still donate the tickets) and the women I look after here in prison will have to wait till monday for a visit.
I also suppose I shouldnt use this blog as a sound board but should start up a diary again...lol.However,I do plan on reading this in the future when I struggle and posting some stressors on here now might help me handle future stressors and eating issues that might go with that.I will then have no excuses as this have been a super stressful year and people often say,life happened and I started regaining because of stress,yada,yada,yada! No excuses ok? No regains! No slipping back into bad habits because of life.Life is happening now too and one bad day will not kill me as long as I take control again the next day.
Should try and sleep more though as it is one thing I am not controlling very well.I almost never get to bed before 2:00am and that is bad for the weight loss.So,gallas,going to bed now.
Today I was 181.2 pounds.
The holiday starts next tuesday when we fly home.I am super excited as my family havent seen me since July and I have lost a lot since then.now I weigh less than both my mommy and my sister and they dont like this much at all.Will not talk much about weight loss and try to put the focus on them (in July I tried to put them on diet...lol)
The kind of foods I eat changes about every 2 weeks.It seems I get something I really enjoy,eat it almost every day for 2 weeks and then get tired and move to something different.I should just list the old favourites so I can start cooking something different that I like every day.It seems like I forget what I use to eat and liked very quickly..lolIt looks like someone else might be using your account
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I will take some protein shake for pancakes and some syrup with on holiday.Thank goodness Woolies have some great pre prepared protein that has no added carbs like chicken,meatballs,little kebab scewers ect ect.I will live on it and the abundance of great seafood.
I now wear a size 12 top and 14 bottom.It also seems that I will end up smaller than a 12 which I find unbelievable.
At the moment I have become quite shy and am way to easily embarrassed when people make a big fuss about my weight loss.And boy,some people have no end and selective amnesia,or they just dont really see me as week after week at church the same people act so surprized about my size and make a scene infront of others.But I shouldnt complain,people are just people.I do avoid some social situations sometimes as a lot of my very overweight friends are so uncomfortable (shame,they act guilty and start talking about their weight and plan when they will diet) that it makes me sad for them.
I use to be very outspoken and critical of people that said they'd made new friends and left behind old ones after surgery.The old friends were the ones that loved you and cared about you when you were fat right?But I am starting to understand this now a little better.How long do I expose myself to people that are not spontaneous in my company anymore?How long do I act as if their comments about living long for their kids so they will never do this surgery (they are overweight,joint issues,back ache,high blood pressure ect ect..how wiil they live longer?) dont slightly annoy me?How long do I have to make jokes at my own expense (ah,dont worry I am thin now but when I lift my arm my batwing knocks me unconcious..hehe,not so funny anymore)(ugg,its true,I need boob lift,arm lift,body lift,thigh lift and maybe face and eyelid lift)
So,I do think in this wonderful trancient society that I live in,some new friends that dont know that I was ever that big,is on the new years resolution list.Just some people with whom I can relax and be myself.Will still see and love the old ones but they better get over themselves pronto as I am proud of the fact that my sacrificing my stomach and all my hard work after hat has paid off,and one of these days I will have the confidence to say so.In the meantime I am trying to be patient and loving and kind to them.
Ok,now for the next 5 pounds,fast..lol
Since I've stepped up the exercise again I am stalled and I want more food.I dont know if I am hungry but somehow I want to eat more often.
Tonight the grils made Indian food.Popadoms and kadhai chicken.i had to eat some.I did not eat the chapati or rice but I had 2 popadoms and about 3oz of the chicken.It is super spicy so I had some fatfree cream fresh with it.The only thing about Indian food is they use a lot of oil.But I dont think I ate too much as I am not too full,just full.
See,this freaks me out about where I am at with the eating at the moment.I still eat like a bird but now I also lose weight like a bird,ounces instead of pounds at a time...lol
Maybe I should quit worrying about losing more in the next few weeks and focus on eating to not gain as we are going abroad for christmas and maintaining during the holiday is super important to me.
Anyway,183.3 is ok but boy would I have loved it to be under 180 before we leave on the 18th.I just dont know what to do to get there in 2 weeks.
Ugg,how do I speed up the weight loss?If I had to go by calories in calories out I would lose 1 pound every 3 days but it just isnt the way it works.
This morning I weighed 184.Looking back at this blog I can see the weight is still coming off.Good!
I am having a very challenging time keeping my cals low while upping my protein.My hair is falling out like crazy again and I cannot figure out why.
I have also increased my healthy fats.We need them and for years now I've been low fat even when I was eating rubbish it was just saturated fats.Now,Im trying to teach my kids a balance and kids dont learn by telling them stuff.They learn by example.adding a tablespoon of olive oil per day has increased my cals with 133 wich puts me closer to 1000 than to 800.Cant really lower the food intake the I go low on protein again.Wont give up my milk in my coffee for no one...lol.Will keep tweaking this.I am different than others that mostly eat e same stuff every day as that sets me up for a snack attack..lol.I like variety and will keep making different things that is yummy!
The exercise is going a little better.Still havent started with a trainer but I am running and playing squash and doing reformer once a week now as it hurts my knees a lot.Will phone the trainer for an appointment today.I dont know why I am so resistant about the toning and weights with the trainer.Im scared I cant do what he wants me to.
Anyhoo,this is an ongoing process and last week I fitted at least 20 dresses for a big function we had this weekend.I fit in a 14 but I hate my stomach.This has now inspired me to lose faster and to start exercising more.Will post pics of the weekend on the yacht.It was awesome and I didnt feel self concious for the same reasons than before but because I got so many compliments.
O,just one more strange thing.This week about 5 different people asked me what Im doing to lose weight.These are all people that knows that I've had the surgery.So,to everyone that dont want to tell people.They dont care anyway and seem to forget or not really understand what it means...lol.Even though I told all of them again,they still want to know what diet Im following and still all say now they feel ashamed of not losing weight....tooo weird as hallo,I cut off 80% of my stomach,you cant compare yourself with that...lol
Time to get moving again.
It is interesting to see how little I really eat.Also will be interesting to see what the scale does when I get back home.
We are staying in a hotel and we have breakfast included.This is what I ate.Half a soft boiled egg,.25 of a arabic flat bread,about half an once of brie cheese,one teaspoon of hummus,half a slice of deli beef.A cappucino before I ate.
Then at 12:00 2 pieces of beef jerky.At 2:30 we ordered lunch.I ordered a beef burger that looked so great I told the kids to get the camera,Im going to eat the whole thing...lol.Well,I ate .25 of the hamburger patty because I first saw some lettuce leaves with a little balsamico and I had to eat that.At 17:30 we decided to have a pina quilada in the sea while gently rocking on our chairs in the water.This made me so nauseous I am still recovering...lol.Also a bit giggly as I still havent learnt to stop after half a drink which would have been just enough.Now there is a international buffet my family wants to go to and I will have to see what I can eat.
The thing is I am totally HOOKED on protein pancakes.It is so crazy!I miss them so much when I cant have it.It like a meal,protein and pudding all in one for me and I just love them!
Tis stupid scale at the hotel weighed me 3 pounds heavier than my home scale just whe we arrived and of course this makes me paranoid.Hope it isnt right though I doubt it.
We went on the boat today with the kids on the tube.Tomorrow we will go and snorkel ar Dibba rock and then join the kids for a joy ride on the banana tube just to show how brave mom's gotten.
We played badmington on the beach for a long long time and my energy is endless now.
Life is so different now that i am so much lighter.I dont sit and watch everyone do the fun things any more,I participate in every thing there is to do.
I cannot wait to go skiing some time early next year.
More than anything I cannot wait to lose this last 30 pounds so I can start looking into plastics.My butt is hanging behind my knees and no bathing suite stays over it.I am constantly pulling and tugging to keep it in place and will seriously have to look for a different style one.The wrinckly skin also bothers me a little,but hey,I dont know anyone one here so am not too self concious (spelling!)
Life is good and not even the cold I have could spoil the fun this time around!
So here we are on our way for another weekend away at the beach.At the moment I have a bad cold and flu.Didnt take any meds until just now.
I got some loritadine with pseudo noreffedrine (or something like that) Wasnt sure what it would do to my tummy and an hour and a half later I know it still doesnt like meds.Will take some nose spray and panadols from now on as I dont like this full swollen feeling I have on my tum now.
The fabulous thing is I HAVE LOST MY APPETITE now for aver a week.I think for the first time ever.After the sleeve I never once didnt feel like earing,now I just cannot even look at food.The bad thing is for the first time I am not getting enough protein and seeing as my hair is still falling out at 8 months,this is a bit of a worry.
Because I have severe bathroom issues since the sleeve my main focus is protein with ispagulla husk and vitamins as I am not absorbing the vits very well at all.When some labs looks ok,others drop.After reading some newish studies on iron deficiency 3 years out,I am very concerned about this.Iron supplements causes constipation for me and I cannot take it at all as an addition.Now,trying to eat enough food with enough iron seems quite impossible at the moment.When I eat enough iron rich veggies,I cant get enough protein.When I add the fibre supplement,it keeps me full for hours and hours and cannot eat enough of anything.
We dont find fibre gummies here and to import it I will have to permission from the ministry.Which I will tackle next week as why cant I just order it online and import it?There is a list of banned medications as long as life itself and I will have to check and see if fibre gummies is on the list...lol
I sometimes dont think people in the US realize how lucky they are to have all the resources that they do.Life is so much harder without some things.
At least the hotel food sucks so badly (really bad food for a 5 star) that I wont be tempted to eat too much.What is a challenge for me is the pina quiladas that I like way too much.Dont like other cocktails so am not tempted but this place makes a mean PQ.And the weather is stunning.Hot,but not too hot,clear skies!
This morning my weight was 188.Slow now,but at least coming down all the time.
I also finally arranged to work out with the personal trainer from monday next week as the holiday is around the corner and I am still like jelly!Hope I can at least tone some in the next 6 weeks.
Sometimes I do worry about the long term problems I see people have with the sleeve.Many have iron issues and others have GERD.I pray that the Lord have mercy on me as I dont know if my very expensive private expat medical insuarance will ever pay for anything related to the surgery.It is not always non compliance that causes complications sometimes its just bad luck.But it surely seems like a very fine balancing act to get enough protein,firbre and the correct amount of every vitamin we need.I think maybe drinking a protein shake every day forever might help some of the issues but not all of it.And not ever eating the food that I know will cause reflux (lots of experience with this and food does make a huge difference even though some people will not admit it)
Ok,long update.But quite necessary to see I have to go and get those protein pancakes with fibre that I made for breakfast (its almost dinner time here) and eat them.It feels somewhat aurreal to me to have to force myself to eat.Wish it could stay like this until goal!
Our mini holiday went gr8.Fabulous beach,I have a tan for the first time ever.Dont know why but I tanned brown.I am of the pink kind with blond hair and have never tanned.I use a factor 50 and it wasnt even that hot anymore,but Im tanned.The kids say it looks gr8.
The hotel was really super,got bumped up to their grand suite.If I knew that in advance I would have packed some food as it has a lounge dining room and kitchen (the rich locals take their housekeepers with to cook) It was a pleasant surprise though and we thoroughly enjoyed the luxury of it.I think it was because we phoned and asked if there was a freezer compartment in the minibar as I had some special dietary needs..lol.Dont know why else we go the grand treatment.
The hotel food was soooo boring.Not really in line with the rest of the hotel at all.So I just didnt eat a lot at all.A bite from my friends plate or my kids.
Now,unfortunately I came back with serious PMS.I am one of these sleevers that become a bottomless pitt when I have my TOM.It is crazy that I can eat double my usual portions and I can eat way more frequently as well.And I have been very undisciplined for the past 2 days.I even had a small chocolate two nights in a row and found out what caused the candida in my mouth for the first 3 months post surgery.I use to have small amout of honey in my tea once a day then.I couldnt get rid of this white stuff on my toungue and in my throat for 3 months and just as I was losing hope,it went away.But the honey was finished and I decided to start using sweetener.
After the first chocolate I did find my tongue had an irritating coating didnt think much of it but had to brush it off this morning.Well,2 hours after I ate the chocolate tonight I felt it again.And it must be aggressive overgrowth to appear that fast.
I cannot use sugar.Isnt that amazing?For the rest of my days I will be sugarfree as I absolutely hate the feeling on my tongue.Get obsessed with it it bothers me so much.This must be a blessing from the Lord as I can see it,better altogether to have a reason to be sugarfree than just a choice to be sugarfree...lol
Tomorrow I will try to go and play squash.Need the exercise as I have been skipping exercise a lot.Did play yesterday though.
My weight is still the same and I have decided to make a mini goal for myself.Ideally I would want to weigh under 180 before our December holiday but I will have to start woking a bit harder for that.A friend that is a personal trainer has been burning to work with me to help me tone.Might take him up on it as I have 7 weeks before the holiday.That might make a significant difference before I go.
The heat is gone and everyone is out running in the evening.Might start that up again as well, a bit slower this time as to not lose all my energy with over exercizing again.
Well,I still love my sleeve and will eat protein pancakes one meal a day again from tomorrow to help the weight loss again.
My hairloss seems to have slowed down a lot as well.I still dont see too much regrowth yet but that will come.Might even go for highlights for the first time since surgery.I was scared one would be able to see my scalp if I made the hair lighter so I just let it grow out since surgery.I also wish I knew what I would look like with short hair as I really feel like cutting it quite short but havent had short hair in 25 years.A bit scared I will look terrible.Older or fatter or just plain uglier.
Thats me for now!Will push the water and good clean eating for the next 7 weeks for great results.
just finished packing for our trip and my clothes only takes up about a third of the space the old big clothes use to take!Am just so excited to just get away for a few days and am not worried about the eating anymore.
We joked about it today as I have a mild bout of gastritis again and with the meds and the pain eating causes,I know I will be fine eating very,very little.Very timely,one wouldnt usually say of something like this!
We did another strange thing.Phoned the hotel and asked if we could bring our mini freezer (actually a camping fridge freezer...lol) as I have special dietary needs,I need sf popcicles so that I am not tempted to eat real ice cream...hehehe!It is a VERY special need indeed!
Here in the Middle east you will often find people bringing boxes of snacks and food when they stay at the 5 star resorts.The staff never says anything,the local habits are just different.We've never done anything like this before but I feel myself a local this week (been here 11 years and should qualify by now..lol)
See you all next week!
Today I wish I was normal.Not only thin normal but not ADD or OCD and not I wish that I could take medication to "fix" me! All I wanted to do today was eat,all day long!I couldnt stop thinking about food for a minute.It was one of those me me me me days that I just hate.
And I wish I lived in a country where it wasnt such a mission to find a therapist that is going to stay put.But we are all expats,habitual movers!
Once I found a pill,for 2 weeks..lol.I went to my gp and said I am sick of myself and need something.He yanked a sample of Cymbalta out of his drawer and said try this and see me in 2 weeks,remember it only works after 10 days.After exactly 24 hours I knew that was what normal felt like.I was calm.My OCD was gone,my mind started focussing for the first time EVER!Didint have a 100 tracts playing in the head all at once!I could drive a car without it being a competition to see who wins,I could deal with life without the impending sense of doom and having to tell myself a million times a day that everything is fine,nothing to worry about.I slept a full night for the first time in my life and most important,my fear of people all but disappeared.
Then my kidneys function started being affected but I couldnt care less.After 10 days I could hardly walk but happy as I have ever been.Said they would have to wressle the little suckers out of my stone cold hand after my death.He just didnt give me a perscription and that was the end of that! Lol
I have been a born again Christian for 15 years now and the Lord have really changed me since then.But I am still me and non of the things I have considered very important like the above mentioned,have changed.I suppose there were so many other things that needed change that this might not even have made the list.I really love the Lord and I know He loves me but boy I wish He would renew my mind more! But He clearly has a plan for my life.And He clearly smiles patiently upon me when I tell Him to hurry up and change me more NOW!
Accepting ourself,warts and all, might be so important in a successful future with the sleeve.I am blessed beyond measure in so many aspects of life that I should be able to say its ok to be me.Its ok to not be perfect,its ok!
Well,it is the middle of the night now and close to my bed time.Tomorrow,or just now..hehehe...is a new day.I can put this one behind me,live just for the new one,not worry about the future and breathe.
God is good all the time and maybe I dont really need that pill.
this week,in prep for our looooong weekend in a hotel,I started adding a bit of carbs to my diet again.
Am only on about 60 now but boy does it make a difference.Not a positive one either...lol
The bags under my eyes are back,I am sluggish and dont feel like exercising.My weight is up 2 pounds whixh I know is water as my cals were still 800.But it had to be done now.
It is not unhealthy carbs either but about 30 more than usual.Edamame beans for one.And more tea with milk.Well,that seems to account for most eccept the breaded (light) chicken I had twice which would be a lot of the carbs I suppose.
At the hotel I will not be able to stay carb less,I know that.I do not eat eggs (just dont sit right in my tum) but add protein powder to it and fibre and it works.I want to be able to relax and not make an issue out of the eating this coming week.Just be for a few days but I dont want to get back 5 pounds heavier.I not be taking a scale and maybe the hotel will not have one.
I dont know why I am so afraid of this holiday.I have done so well on all the others but for some reason tis has been bugging me a lot.Maybe because my food choices when eating out recently wasnt the greatest.And maybe because I know it.And maybe because sometimes I feel like not making great choices ALL the time.But I will just have to pull myself toward myself and get on with it.And maybe going to the gym when Im there is a good idea to just burn some cals before flopping down for the day!
And maybe it is because I want to lose as much as possible before the big one in December when all the critical family will see me.Who knows!
But I want to enjoy getting away from it all and I want to feel in control,something I havent ever felt faced with buffets before the sleeve.
So taking some protein powder along is a good idea.I might even be able to ask the chef to make me some pancakes as I really love them and they keep me full for hours and hours.And some edamame to snack on while everyone else eats rubbish.
I now fit properly into a size 16 and even bought a new bathing suite.
Anyway,tmorrow I will read this again and remind myself of all the good things about the sleeve.And the fact that no matter what,it is a good fight I am fighting here.
there are these interesting topics with a variety of opinions and recently this has been one of them.
Why shouldnt we eat and drink at the same time.
again.This is a reminder to self,should I need it somewhere in the future,and I usually do!
Everything in life gets old.We get use to changes and we adapt and we move on.That is the nature of the human being.Which is a good thong too.But too often we at that point forget.Forget what we are suppose to remember...lol
I experienced this with the band.Strict diet to lose the weight.Then the surgery,the pain,the heartburn,the feflux the vomiting...it got old.And became part of the new habits. In that I did what was comfortable.Added some carbs,added some sugar and started eating WAY to often.
Before I knew I was back where I started.
Why shouldnt we eat and drink.Well,just as we should eat solid protein first,ALWAYS AND FOREVER,we shouldnt liquify food to empty our stomachs faster.It seems as simple as that to me.Do you have some people that will be super self controlled for the rest of their lives to track their food,to only eat 3 times a day?Well,maybe,but most of us have a problem with self control as far as food's concerned and is why we got fat in the first place.
If my stomach is empty I feel like eating.Part of my old habits I suppose but This is me.The longer it stays full the longer I last between meals.
Now,will I be able to eat normal foods when I am in maintainance.I believe so.I believe that small portions,controlled carbs,not too much sugar,and only 3 meals a day,with maybe 2 healthy snacks might keep me at my goal.
However,should I not eat proteins first,I will not feel full quicker,I will be able to eat more and I will be able to gain more weight.And should one start flushing your food,you will not stay full,you will start eating more often and you will gain even more weight.Even now,when I eat protein and a carb my capacity is bigger.Dont know why,it just is.
At the end of the day I am way more concerned about the habits I have to somehow get deep into my thick skull now to be able to live a thin life FOREVER,than what I am about losing weight.
Do I eat food that is considered wrong to others,even now?Well,when I look on OH at the what have you eaten today threat I know I cannot post there.It will give them apoplexy.My habits might still seem atrocious to some.Here is a week day example and a weekend example.
Weekday:Tea with lots of lf milk for breakfast.Lunch is now usually protein pancake with added fibre and chia seeds with sf syrup.And at 5 I eat a good 30 to 50 pods of edamame beans.Dinner is usually fish or chicken with a tablespoon of LC veggies.Then I have up to 3 sf popcicles after dinner.I still feel like snacking at night which is a very bad habit but have tried to focus it.I really have a breakout from this only once a month or so,which would mean a Weight watchers packet of tortilla chips.
Now,this weekend.Breakfast coffee with milk.Lunch late (16:00) chicken snitchel (breaded) with mushroom sauce and slice of cheese with onion rings.Of the whole plate of food I ate 1/4. Took it home and did the same for supper.That was friday which is our sunday.Then yesterday I had coffee for breakfast and chicken and beef fajita for very late lunch (17:30) at Hardrock cafe.Ate about half of the protein and half a scoop sour cream with half a scoop of guacamole.That was bad as at 21:00 I ate 1/4 or a burger patty that my kid brought home from her meal.
This is bad but it is what fits in with my life and that is not going to change.We are normal people,with a crazy routine and I am the only one in my house that would ever over eat.No one else have a problem with food.They eat a little and then they are finished.I am trying to start fitting my eating into my lifestyle which I cannot change at this time as it is not only me involved.
Obviously that wasnt good enough as my weight is up a pound this morning and I've been wanting food since my eyes have opened.So what could I have done differently?For one,not skip meals because I know I am going out to eat.two,not eaten that burger thingy as I just wanted it when I noticed it.Meaning,no take away boxes for the kids anymore.They dont eat it anyway.And I just didnt drink enough water both days.But would I have chosen different food if I could?I dont think so.It is normal to eat nice food every now and then.Do I do this all the time?Absolutely not!Did I really enjoy going out?A lot!Did I drink when I ate?I never do.
I might change my mind about all of is in future but for now.This is part of me learning what works and what will not work.I am going on a holiday in a hotel next week and will not gain.I will apply my rules to myself and will post how it went.This is in prep for a long hotel stay in December,which is a summer holiday for us.And I am scared of being overwhelmed by buffets every day.Thank goodness I seemed to have lost my sweet tooth altogether.
The long term success of this sleeve and the fact that I already feel normal again,am over the whole surgery bit and live a completely normal life now makes me realize even more how important ALWAYS BEING MINDFUL of what,how and most important,how often I eat has become.
To be satisfied with a little bit of food.
To drink enough water.
To not snack in between.
To not feel deprived.
To love healthy food.
To be like a skinny person and have a balance.
This is what I would like my life to be like.
My teeny tiny 4'11 friend have lost 32 pounds recently.She just got a huge promotion and today we decided to buy her a whole new wardrobe of dresses and shirts.
Of course the old stuff had to be turfed.As she was emptying her closets she came to me and said that most of her stuff is size 14 but some is 16 and I must fit them on.Never thinking they could fit I reluctantly tried and boy what a surprize.
Even her work suites fit me.And as I am more curvy they look gooood! An even bigger surprize is the fact that all the size 14 skirts fit as well.The tops are still to tight around the bust though.
Tis is such a blessing because they have been nagging me to buy new clothes.But for a few bits and bops I havent wanted to buy new stuff yet.I want to wait until just before the christmas holiday when we go home and should be down even another size by then.
The best of this is I have been buying her clothes for her for years as she is just too busy and she hated clothes shopping.I also have much better dress sense than her so she's got some really nice stuff.
Now I have new stuff and she has new stuff.She looks like a million dollars in all her new outfits and my kids mouths were hanging open when I walked into the lounge with some of her clothes on.
So I am shrinking,I just didnt realize it until today.
O and as we were walking,we played the size game again.I have to show her women I think are the same size than me and she would tell me yes or no and then show me people that are rally the same size than me.I still find it hard to believe when I see the people she shows me.But it helps me get in touch with my size slowly but surely.
I've had a body composition analysis done recently.That showed that my bodyfat percentage will only start going into normal when I weigh 154.It took me 2 weeks of chewing on this but today I decided to lower my goal from 165 to 154.This might be why I still wear such big clothes.Size 18 (UK) and 16 US.
No use stopping before I am really there,right?
Will have to up the exercise again a little as I have become a bit lazy again since I stopped the running.I still think having an exercise buddy keeps you responsible for getting up and going to the gym.Mine isnt speaking to me anymore (I was mean to her after my sleeve and didnt realize she took it so personal until it was too late,sad but what to do about it now?Must confess I was mean to many people in the first 2 months post sleeve as I was very depressed but the others are all still around and had the insight to know I was going through a heck of a tough time,they've all forgiven me and her having had the sleeve,well.....) I should try and find someone else now!
Its weekend here and food is a challenge as I dont cook over weekends and we socialize and eat out quite some over the weekends.I am busy making a super high fibre meatloaf,YES its possible..lol..quite low in calories and very low in carbs.This will be my go to this weekend when I feel like snacking.
The weather is beautiful so it is a beach weekend!
Since the 13th I have lost another 3 pounds for which I am very happy.
But today I had a fat day.Where I am not satisfied with my weight loss so far and I wished I could just enjoy anything I ate like I did before the sleeve.Silly really as I would allow myself "anything" if only I knew what that was.
I dont find pleasure in food anymore.It is not fun to eat anymore.But then my little kid tells me that eating is not fun.It is nice to eat good food but it is not fun.Fun is stuff that you do,like swimming or dancing or playing a game...lol.And she is right.
And maybe I feel like this because Im getting a cold again OR
Or maybe it is because of this skinny woman at my kid's gymnastics who never speaks to me, that for some reason tonight, decided to loudly and in front of everybody say,O you've lost so much weight.I can even see it in your face now.Are you following a specific diet? To which I answered,yes very specific...lol
Whereupon she said, o its very hard but its got to be done! In front of everybody!!!
And goodness knows why that got to me so badly.of course everyone comments on the weight loss but this was just embarrassing for some reason.The be-atch in me wanted to say to her and maybe if you changed that horrid hairstyle of yours you would look so much better too.Its very hard,but its got to be done! But I didnt.and I have never been too sensitive about what others would say,goodness as a fatty Ive had to bite my tongue a few time in my life when people would make comments.So whats up with me now?
Crazy thing is whereas I was just thinking about food today,I came home and actually had a packet of weight watchers crisps which I dont even like.So Ive been thinking of how I need to get over myself and toughen up a bit.I cannot let peoples comments get to me.Since we have this big family reunion in December (my housemate's family not mine) and boy are they a bunch of rattlesnakes (hehehe...she doesnt want to go if we dont go with her) of course they will make their snarky comments.I can bet top dollar that the extra skin on my arms will be mentioned a few times and my eating this little will be critized now,I have to not allow myself to eat "away" what I feel.Maybe,just maybe I should for once say these quick comebacks that come up in my head out loud.That might just shut people up.But I wont,because I am not like them.
I suppose this is life and a good nite's sleep might just give me back my perspective.And tomorrow I might have a thinner day!
hi
I a so technologically challenged that I rather buy a new laptop than admit it might be me that just cannot work the old one...lol
this is me day of surgery
and me about a week ago.
It has been 7 months today since I had my sleeve.My goodness how different has this been from having the band.
The good.I weighed 195.8 today.Hehehe,couldnt say 196 could I?That is down 101.2 pounds since surgery.I am not a compulsive eater anymore.Neither am I a couch potato anymore.I play squash twice a week and exercise at least 3 other times per week.I am shrinking by the day and I am beginning to feel really good about this.I cannot eat away my emotions so I am slightly more moody but more in touch with myself as well.I am somewhat more serious now,dont always have to laugh or joke away my pain about my weight.I have been at this weight quite a few times before in my life so I am now excited to get thin for the first time in 22 years.
My bloodwork came back perfect.All my vitamin problems seems to have been solved with the shots I have received and my platelets are now normal.
The bad.Somehow I got a hernia on the right side where the dr's used the same spot for all 3 keyhole surgeries.It is painful to move and you must see me tape my stomach to play squash.I am also allergic to plaster so it is a vicious cycle at the moment as I cannot find compression garment that would help,plasters got to do the job for now.No one will do surgery until I am at my goal weight as it will be part of the body lift to fix this.
Since surgery I have had petechiae on my torso, upper legs and back 4 times (tiny little point bleeds all over the place) I am full of bruises and I thought it was because my B12 was quite low since surgery.Had a full house of bloods done this week and my dr phoned me this morning saying everything is perfect,even the D is 40 now and the B12 is almost too high,stop the pills and no injections anymore.When I asked him what ia causing the spots and bruises then he just said I dont know.This is a concern to me as where i pulled the little tape they puton after drawing the blood there is a bid red bleed under the skin now,not where the needle was in,but from the pressure of the tape.My theory about the spots is that every time I had a B12 injection I got the spots.And since I started taking the pills it came out again.Dr says not possilbe but there is a direct relationship between the 2.Anyhow,will keep an eye on it.
The extra skin is a nightmare but as I am single and not planning on being anything different,it is ok until I can get to goal and start scraping together the courage to go for plastics.My little one says my body is like a jelly spilling out of a cup..lol.
My body image is still seriously warped but I "feel" and "see" myself with the scale now and that helps a lot.i still wear a size 18,sometimes 16 clothes which seems very big still but I look much smaller than that as I am tall.Would really like to go to smaller sizes though.
Friendships have changed.It is super difficult to be with some of my very overweight friends now.They seem to be so uncomfortable around me.I do see why.We use to be fat together.We always talked and complained about it.We couldnt walk,run or do anything else and now all of this have changed for me.I am excited about life and really try to never make them feel bad about themselves.I do worry about them though as at our age the health issues are so many if you've been fat for so long.I dont say anything and try to never say anything about my surgery or weight loss.We dont eat cake together anymore but hey,I still do lunch.My best friend however have lost 28 pounds since I have had my surgery.She is only 4'11 and is still about 8 pounds from her goal weight but she looks fantastic.She wasnt going to stay chubby while I was losing weight and it has been a delight and pain in the butt as she lives on carbs even now.She still eats about 1800 cals every day and sometimes I find that hard.Jealous of what she can eat...lol.Not really!
The ugly.I am severly constipated since surgery.This is a big problem but I hope that once I get to goal and can increase my complex carbs I can add a lot of fibre to my diet.I also have hemoroids that I am never ever going to go to the dr for.This is the biggest and most terrible thing that could have happened to me..lol.No really.I hate this and dont know what to do about it.People say that the surgery for this is excruciating.Not happening!
The good.Did I say the good?Since the sleeve I have had to deal with the fact that I have been fat and extremely unhappy and on diet all of my adult life.It was an obsession like no other.It ruled every waking moment of my life.Honestly,I could never stop talking aout my weight,my diet,my failure,my excuse to not so stuff.I had zero self confidence in so many aspects of my life.This I have had to come to terms with now.I kissed out on a lot of things because I was too ashamed to do anything.My world (and Im an expat living in a foreign country) was always quite small and my life lived in anticipation of the day I would be thin,that was when I was going to start living see.
The sadness I experienced when different things started being possilbe was unbelievable.The regret of so much time waisted made me so depressed for a few months.But I have thought about all this a lot and I chose to move on now.Time is ticking by and regrets doesnt add to your life it just steals more time from it.I now choose to feel good about each day.
My attitude about food has changed.Tonight,after our weekend,we sat in the lounge after dinner and this use to be a big eating night in my life.I felt like a snack,not chips or chocolates...edamame beans...lol.My friend still thinks Im nuts as I really couldnt think of anything nicer to snack on.I go to the beach every day and we use to always eat on the beach,now I dont even think about it.
This whole process is sometimes difficult for me because I really wanted to be skinny yesterday..lol.My impatience drives me up the walls some days but this seems to be a great lesson to me too.I am a little less self centered,even though every sentence here started with I...lol and a bit more compassionate to others.
Weight loss surgery doesnt fix everything in life and I will surely always be somewhat OCD and messed up but I at least now look normal..lol.I dont really have the desire to just blend in with the crowd anymore as I realized unless I cut something off i will always be taller than most people I know.Other people's opinion of me doesnt really matter that much anymore and this is a great freedom in my life.I was a real peoples pleaser all my life and we know that you cant please all of the people all of the time, which made me very unhappy before.
My mother and sister is on a super strict diet as they are so scared I am going to be thinner than them when they see me in December and that can just be good for them.
So life is good.And I might freak out soon again if I have another stall,but thats life!
today I weighed under 90kg's for the first time in many years.For people that weigh in pounds 200 seems to be the big number to break through but in kilos being less than 90 is the ultimate YES!
Interesting stat from my dr this morning.In 4 months I have lost 20kg's which translates into 44 pounds.It averages out to 11 pounds per month in the last 4 months.Which is not something that I could see for some reason.
Of course my first thought was to celebrate with food.This is something I will have to really work on.I dont mean bad food,just more food.I've been eating really little lately and I do miss eating tasty meals.
Because of the protein struggle (and to keep my cals below 800 when eating dense protein) I've been eating protein pancakes made with egg white and protein powder,too often.
If I could cut the amount of milk I use per day it would be easier but I like my tea and coffee with milk and 4 cups (3 tea) translates into to much milk.
Anyhoo,awaiting the blood results now but the dr isnt too worried about the petechiae as it is already clearing up a little.I did have a B12 and D injection again as well.And I have been wondering how do people get off their blood pressure meds.My blood pressure is now 120 over 80 which is normal but with the very strong meds I am taking.How does the dr decide to stop it?Do they just stop it or go on lower dosage or what?I forgot to ask.
Still,it is not normal and only bloods would tell if it is something to worry about.The dr wasnt to sure about the blood work needed so I kind of told him a few I thought was important.Will read up on it a little and maybe have the rest done with my GP.
Beach weather here in Dubai so this weekend,starting today will be spend working on the Vit D
tomorrow I will see my physician.Since surgery I have had 4 episodes of petechiae.Those tiny little point bleeds that is a rash on my trunk and thighs and this time also on my back.This has scared me when it happened but I always got it after I had my B12 shot and it did go away in about 5 days.
This time it seems to be increasing and I havent had a shot.I also have bruises all over and some inplaces that you know it wasnt caused by anything.
I hope he can shed some light on this as it is quite scary to think it might be related to low B12 or low platelet count.I am a registered nurse and I know that we do not think too much of the fact that our intrinsic factor has been cut out but that this can cause some serious issues for some people.
So I will fast tonight and hopefully he will do thorough baseline bloods and vitamins bloods.It is quite difficult here to convince the dr's to do a lot of different vitamin bloods at a time as some of the tests are still send away and it is very very costly to do.I just wish I knew what bloods we need to do as a standard anyway.
O well,lts see what he says.
