It has been almost 3 weeks since I've last lost even an ounce!
At the moment I am seriously depressed.I regret having started smoking after surgery again.I am so angry with myself about this.Stopping is not an issue.Stopping and not gaining weight is.Somehow this warped head of mine believe that the smoking had something to do with the weight loss.I am petrified of stopping and gaining.But I want to stop as I want to run more,cannot do that while coughing and wheezing!
Also today I would have loved a real binge,I mean an all fall down eat till you're sick binge!I know it sounds horrible but stalling like is is messing with my head so badly.I have always believed that if you dont lose you are doing something wrong.I am still convinced of it.Dont know how to FEEL different about it.I am anxious,depressed,obesessive and generally feels like I AM A BIG FAT FAILURE AGAIN!
And most of all,today I dont feel that the sleeve was the right option for me!If I did gastric bypass I might have been T goal already!I am too messed up as a person to handle the mind games of losing and stalling and losing and stalling,not knowing if its me,is this it,is this as good as its gonna get because no matter what I do I cant move the scale?I hate,hate being so out of control.I hate this sleeve!
hi
I a so technologically challenged that I rather buy a new laptop than admit it might be me that just cannot work the old one...lol
this is me day of surgery
and me about a week ago.
Today,for the first time I regret having this surgery.
Not in all my life of professional dieting (lol) have I ever felt so out of control about losing weight.
Nothing I do seems to break this stall,When my friend went on a crazy detox and liquids for 5 days to drop 5 pounds after a 2 week stall,I told her to relax,eat exercise and the weight will come off.Now (my surgery was 2 weeks after hers) I am in this crazy stall.the weight seems to come off and then bounces back on,over and over and over.
I have huge stress in my life with the not knowing where we are moving,leaving my child behind....for sure I dont need this weight rubbish as well.If liquids is what is takes then liquids is what we'll do.
I hate this sleeve.
Today I got a glimpse of you,yes you,the one I thought I left behind! You just never know when to stop do you?Once you start,you dont seem to have an end.And its carbs that brings you out,isnt it?You can deny it as much as you like,but I saw you!
Rusks,good old South African rusks,with nuts and seeds.And before I knew I was earing like I didnt even ever had surgery.Now I see how one can gain back all your weight.You just eat something every 20 minutes.A woman on a nother board posted recently that over the weekend she had eaten almost 100 pieces of chocolate,really truely that many!Rollo and such.I thought she was very melodramatic but not anymore!
I had about 4 slices of wurzel bread.(german bread that is a little thicker than a baguette) A large cup of butternut soup.Beef jerky,3 rusks and some chicken. (this is all the food for the day)Its the bread that I should not eat and the worm in my head that started after the first carbs that bugs me.
I will not keep doing this to myself.I feel horribly fat just because I ate like a fatty.
Back to my proteins.Thank goodness for chicken,meat and fish!
It has been 7 months today since I had my sleeve.My goodness how different has this been from having the band.
The good.I weighed 195.8 today.Hehehe,couldnt say 196 could I?That is down 101.2 pounds since surgery.I am not a compulsive eater anymore.Neither am I a couch potato anymore.I play squash twice a week and exercise at least 3 other times per week.I am shrinking by the day and I am beginning to feel really good about this.I cannot eat away my emotions so I am slightly more moody but more in touch with myself as well.I am somewhat more serious now,dont always have to laugh or joke away my pain about my weight.I have been at this weight quite a few times before in my life so I am now excited to get thin for the first time in 22 years.
My bloodwork came back perfect.All my vitamin problems seems to have been solved with the shots I have received and my platelets are now normal.
The bad.Somehow I got a hernia on the right side where the dr's used the same spot for all 3 keyhole surgeries.It is painful to move and you must see me tape my stomach to play squash.I am also allergic to plaster so it is a vicious cycle at the moment as I cannot find compression garment that would help,plasters got to do the job for now.No one will do surgery until I am at my goal weight as it will be part of the body lift to fix this.
Since surgery I have had petechiae on my torso, upper legs and back 4 times (tiny little point bleeds all over the place) I am full of bruises and I thought it was because my B12 was quite low since surgery.Had a full house of bloods done this week and my dr phoned me this morning saying everything is perfect,even the D is 40 now and the B12 is almost too high,stop the pills and no injections anymore.When I asked him what ia causing the spots and bruises then he just said I dont know.This is a concern to me as where i pulled the little tape they puton after drawing the blood there is a bid red bleed under the skin now,not where the needle was in,but from the pressure of the tape.My theory about the spots is that every time I had a B12 injection I got the spots.And since I started taking the pills it came out again.Dr says not possilbe but there is a direct relationship between the 2.Anyhow,will keep an eye on it.
The extra skin is a nightmare but as I am single and not planning on being anything different,it is ok until I can get to goal and start scraping together the courage to go for plastics.My little one says my body is like a jelly spilling out of a cup..lol.
My body image is still seriously warped but I "feel" and "see" myself with the scale now and that helps a lot.i still wear a size 18,sometimes 16 clothes which seems very big still but I look much smaller than that as I am tall.Would really like to go to smaller sizes though.
Friendships have changed.It is super difficult to be with some of my very overweight friends now.They seem to be so uncomfortable around me.I do see why.We use to be fat together.We always talked and complained about it.We couldnt walk,run or do anything else and now all of this have changed for me.I am excited about life and really try to never make them feel bad about themselves.I do worry about them though as at our age the health issues are so many if you've been fat for so long.I dont say anything and try to never say anything about my surgery or weight loss.We dont eat cake together anymore but hey,I still do lunch.My best friend however have lost 28 pounds since I have had my surgery.She is only 4'11 and is still about 8 pounds from her goal weight but she looks fantastic.She wasnt going to stay chubby while I was losing weight and it has been a delight and pain in the butt as she lives on carbs even now.She still eats about 1800 cals every day and sometimes I find that hard.Jealous of what she can eat...lol.Not really!
The ugly.I am severly constipated since surgery.This is a big problem but I hope that once I get to goal and can increase my complex carbs I can add a lot of fibre to my diet.I also have hemoroids that I am never ever going to go to the dr for.This is the biggest and most terrible thing that could have happened to me..lol.No really.I hate this and dont know what to do about it.People say that the surgery for this is excruciating.Not happening!
The good.Did I say the good?Since the sleeve I have had to deal with the fact that I have been fat and extremely unhappy and on diet all of my adult life.It was an obsession like no other.It ruled every waking moment of my life.Honestly,I could never stop talking aout my weight,my diet,my failure,my excuse to not so stuff.I had zero self confidence in so many aspects of my life.This I have had to come to terms with now.I kissed out on a lot of things because I was too ashamed to do anything.My world (and Im an expat living in a foreign country) was always quite small and my life lived in anticipation of the day I would be thin,that was when I was going to start living see.
The sadness I experienced when different things started being possilbe was unbelievable.The regret of so much time waisted made me so depressed for a few months.But I have thought about all this a lot and I chose to move on now.Time is ticking by and regrets doesnt add to your life it just steals more time from it.I now choose to feel good about each day.
My attitude about food has changed.Tonight,after our weekend,we sat in the lounge after dinner and this use to be a big eating night in my life.I felt like a snack,not chips or chocolates...edamame beans...lol.My friend still thinks Im nuts as I really couldnt think of anything nicer to snack on.I go to the beach every day and we use to always eat on the beach,now I dont even think about it.
This whole process is sometimes difficult for me because I really wanted to be skinny yesterday..lol.My impatience drives me up the walls some days but this seems to be a great lesson to me too.I am a little less self centered,even though every sentence here started with I...lol and a bit more compassionate to others.
Weight loss surgery doesnt fix everything in life and I will surely always be somewhat OCD and messed up but I at least now look normal..lol.I dont really have the desire to just blend in with the crowd anymore as I realized unless I cut something off i will always be taller than most people I know.Other people's opinion of me doesnt really matter that much anymore and this is a great freedom in my life.I was a real peoples pleaser all my life and we know that you cant please all of the people all of the time, which made me very unhappy before.
My mother and sister is on a super strict diet as they are so scared I am going to be thinner than them when they see me in December and that can just be good for them.
So life is good.And I might freak out soon again if I have another stall,but thats life!
So I needed to do a little emotional eating tonight and decided a half cup of wholegrain/flaxseed spaggetti with green pesto and a little feta cheese whould be it and boy am I paying for it.I have pain in the lower left side of my stomach and I am foaming big time.
I just dont have a cue (hickup or sneeze) when I am full like some people do.I did hickup when it was o late though...lol
This is not nice.I should know better.I try to never eat to much and have never felt like this since surgery.
Now I am paranoid about stretching my stomach,stupid I know.Next time I will stick to my protein and veggies and have a sf ice lolly to self sooth when needed.
Life's become so complicated since I had this surgery...so many changes like moving to either the US or UK in 2 months (not knowing drives me nuts) and then my sweet old aunty died today and now I will have to decide if I am going back to South Africa for the funeral and abandon my 11 year old while she had to compete in 2 international gymnastics competitions with an injury.
The thing is I think wasnt neccessarily easier before...I just ate my way through all the problems and it did give me great comfort....now,nothing!
Anyhow,at some point I will have to find not addictive coping mechanisms.And I know I will.
This sleeve is so far the best thing thats happened to me...I would have gained another 30 pounds in the last 2,5 months if I didnt have it.
xxo
I read a lot of posts and I see that we all have the same issues at some time or another.
Of course,every time I lose even one pound I am positive and when I dont I doubt.
Today is a positive day.hehehe
I am 217 today and I am happy!
In this blog I process externally (I dont really know how to be an internal processor..lol) The ups and downs of this journey is very real and when I have down time I read about my up times and then I can breathe again and wait....the weight losses come when they do.I eat right and wait.
Yesterday I started doing leg exercises...a little.And I can feel it.Today,I will do upper body and lower body.Cardio will have to wait until I am cold free again.
xxo
I think I've got this thing about "dumping" with the sleeve.
Let me explain.I think I've been eating relatively low carb recently.And I say I think as I am not tracking my carbs,just checking my protein intake more or less every day.But I have not had any added carbs this week except green peppers and onions.Tonight I had a bit of TGI friday spinach and artichoke dip with some veal strips.During the day I had some chicken strips and some beef strips.Had 2 Dolchi gusto cappucinos.And then tonight I decided to have some Amarula liqeur.Its like Baileys.
I took one sip and bam,I started feeling hot,nauseas,palpitations,feeling like I had to visit the toilet,felt absolutely aweful.Early post op I had a couple of incidents like this when I would eat some sugar or fat for that matter.But lately I would have a cookie if I wanted or ok,I sont really do sugar at all anymore really.The cookie would be it.Mind you I've had some caramel popcorn and I was fine.
But I think sometimes my carbs are just not that low and then the added sugar (like in the popcorn) doesnt affect me at all,makes me super tired but thats it.
I think when I am quite low carb and busy dropping weight fast,I cannot do sugar or a lot of fat.I think the Amarula like the Baileys have got cream in it and lots of sugar and boy did I feel sick from a tiny sip.I can drink a jin and tonic once in a while and if I sip it slowly and nurse it all night,I am fine.
So,sugary drinks,just like anything else sugary is now off limits.Thinking about it,I shouldnt really drink the tonic either as it is carbonated and even if you stir out all the gas,there is still some left.
One thing I am sure of.Alcohol will not be a problem in my future as it is as unappealing most of the time as ice cream,and I use to eat a pint of that per night pre-op.
You live,you learn.
O my goodness,my sleeve has shrunk!
After 2 day on liquids an no real weight change I decided screw this,I need food...lol
So today I had low fat cheddar (1oz) for lunch and then I had some edamame (eating them out of the pods) too many of them but hey,they chew down to nothing!
For dinner I put 2 oz of chicken and 2 tablespoons of spinach on my plate.Now after 1oz of chicken and about half of the spinach I am stuffed.....not really satisfied but full.
The question of the moment is,do I walk away from the rest or do I wait for a while and finish it?of course I know I should leave it.This is exactly why I lost weight so fast while on holiday.I would have a glass of wine and a teensy tiny bit of food and feel happy and satisfied.I didnt try to "make proteins" and worry so much about this.
However,my hair fell out loads.Now,the new strategy will be 1 protein shake with 120 cals and 25g of protein.For the rest of it I am just not going to worry about it anymore.I will go back to teeny tiny portions of great quality protein and some veggies and some wine every now and then....I will have a good meal again.
Anyhoo,my resolve will most prob just last until my obsessive compulsive nature takes over and start obsessing about the fact that I am not at goal yet!
I average 2800 calories burn per day.I exercise,I eat right and my weight should stay right here then C'est la vie! I am doing everything I can to get to goal and it will happen!
Ever since my surgery I've not once experienced that trigger of madness that carbs use to cause before.Until yesterday.
Everything was fine until about 17:00 when I decided to have a slice of christmas fruitcake.One slice became 2 and I thought I was fine.But I couldnt stop eating after that.I want to list what I ate,so that I can remember how easy it is to just slip right back into old habits if not cautious!
We came back to the B&B at about 18:00 and that is when the binge started.Over the next 6 hours I had 3 rusks (about 40 carbs and 200 calories each) one of those round lindt chocolates,5 blocks of fruit and nut chocolate and then I decided I needed protein (not!) and ate about 5 thai pork riblets.
Now Im not sure if it the gin and tonic I had before the fruit cake that made me not think things through or if it was just the sugar that triggered me.The thing that bugs me so much is that until yesterday,I couldnt touch chocolate as the taste was just to revoltingly sweet.It would make me feel so aweful.But for some reason in combination with everything else It tasted wonderful and I could munch away at it just fine.
Not having access to a scale today is driving me absolutely crazy now and I am wondering how AM I GOING TO PRACTICE WHAT I ALWAYS PREACH.I can eat a breakfast of 1 egg and a sclice of bacon but as for the rest of the day,the whole family's going to spend all of this day on the beach and I have no idea what food there will be.I find myself eating fried foods and not grilled (by choice,bad choice) and I have had quite a couple of french fries already this holiday.
Maybe I should first find out where I can weigh.Then I should see if I can find any shop thats open (small town,everything seems to be closed on boxing day) to buy some deli meat (ham or turkey if they have) and then I should just stick to 3 meals and a few beef jerky sticks as snacks.
No one seems to understand that being so close to goal,I dont want to gain any weight now.It is not a matter of just losing it again.I have to try to get to a point where I dont gain with every special event in life.
Anyhoo,no use obsessing about this as a lot is out of my control at the moment.This is why I prefer hotel stays to Bed and breakfast stays it is just easier food wize.
Ok,now to tackle the issue of 1.no umbrella for the beach 2. ME NOT WANTING TO EXPOSE MY FLAPPING ARMS,BOOBS AND LEGS in front of all these people today.
Happy holidays everyone!
lately I have being thinking about being such a pleaser.Not only a peoples pleaser but everything and everybody.Not a happy pleaser either for the past few years.
When you st unrealistic standards you are doomed to fail.Not only that my fear of failure and success has become a serious stumbling block in my life.
My friend ( very successful lady) always says she is a plodder.She just starts somewhere without contemplating the whole big picture and adjusts as things play out.Me on the other hand needs the see the outcome even before I have started and I have become stuck as everything has the potential not to be perfect.
And when the scale moves down I can be positive about the long term outcome and when it doesnt I feel dread coming my way.
It is also stopping me in other aspects of my life which really needs changing.If something can be accomplished fast in a short time I can see the big picture but most things in life just dont happen that fast.
So this is my resolve.In order for me to do a different degree (I have one in nursing,got it 25 years ago,never needed math for that) I have to do IGCSE math and English.That is like year 10 math.I felt very resentful of this for years and would lose the plot completely because I just didnt want to do it as it would waste another year of my life.This year I am going to do it.Like a little 15 year old.But maybe starting somewhere again will teach me the patience I lack to just plod along and finally reach the end of something.And maybe this will help me along this weight loss journey that is a journey forever and not only for now.
Weight 205 today!
My teeny tiny 4'11 friend have lost 32 pounds recently.She just got a huge promotion and today we decided to buy her a whole new wardrobe of dresses and shirts.
Of course the old stuff had to be turfed.As she was emptying her closets she came to me and said that most of her stuff is size 14 but some is 16 and I must fit them on.Never thinking they could fit I reluctantly tried and boy what a surprize.
Even her work suites fit me.And as I am more curvy they look gooood! An even bigger surprize is the fact that all the size 14 skirts fit as well.The tops are still to tight around the bust though.
Tis is such a blessing because they have been nagging me to buy new clothes.But for a few bits and bops I havent wanted to buy new stuff yet.I want to wait until just before the christmas holiday when we go home and should be down even another size by then.
The best of this is I have been buying her clothes for her for years as she is just too busy and she hated clothes shopping.I also have much better dress sense than her so she's got some really nice stuff.
Now I have new stuff and she has new stuff.She looks like a million dollars in all her new outfits and my kids mouths were hanging open when I walked into the lounge with some of her clothes on.
So I am shrinking,I just didnt realize it until today.
O and as we were walking,we played the size game again.I have to show her women I think are the same size than me and she would tell me yes or no and then show me people that are rally the same size than me.I still find it hard to believe when I see the people she shows me.But it helps me get in touch with my size slowly but surely.
Today I wish I was normal.Not only thin normal but not ADD or OCD and not I wish that I could take medication to "fix" me! All I wanted to do today was eat,all day long!I couldnt stop thinking about food for a minute.It was one of those me me me me days that I just hate.
And I wish I lived in a country where it wasnt such a mission to find a therapist that is going to stay put.But we are all expats,habitual movers!
Once I found a pill,for 2 weeks..lol.I went to my gp and said I am sick of myself and need something.He yanked a sample of Cymbalta out of his drawer and said try this and see me in 2 weeks,remember it only works after 10 days.After exactly 24 hours I knew that was what normal felt like.I was calm.My OCD was gone,my mind started focussing for the first time EVER!Didint have a 100 tracts playing in the head all at once!I could drive a car without it being a competition to see who wins,I could deal with life without the impending sense of doom and having to tell myself a million times a day that everything is fine,nothing to worry about.I slept a full night for the first time in my life and most important,my fear of people all but disappeared.
Then my kidneys function started being affected but I couldnt care less.After 10 days I could hardly walk but happy as I have ever been.Said they would have to wressle the little suckers out of my stone cold hand after my death.He just didnt give me a perscription and that was the end of that! Lol
I have been a born again Christian for 15 years now and the Lord have really changed me since then.But I am still me and non of the things I have considered very important like the above mentioned,have changed.I suppose there were so many other things that needed change that this might not even have made the list.I really love the Lord and I know He loves me but boy I wish He would renew my mind more! But He clearly has a plan for my life.And He clearly smiles patiently upon me when I tell Him to hurry up and change me more NOW!
Accepting ourself,warts and all, might be so important in a successful future with the sleeve.I am blessed beyond measure in so many aspects of life that I should be able to say its ok to be me.Its ok to not be perfect,its ok!
Well,it is the middle of the night now and close to my bed time.Tomorrow,or just now..hehehe...is a new day.I can put this one behind me,live just for the new one,not worry about the future and breathe.
God is good all the time and maybe I dont really need that pill.
This is just to remind you why smoking ever again would be a stupid thing to do.
You constantly want to snack now that you dont have the smoke to run to.Everything but proteins have carbs.So edamame is nice but the carbs .....,even the bullets have 2 carbs an if you eat 5 per day that adds another 10 carbs.The dreaded feeling that you have just self sabotaged like you always do is horrible isn it?Not knowing if you will lose more weight?Not seeing the bright side of life because 1.either your smoking like a thief with something to hide or 2.your withdrawing like a junkie once again....
Having to go through the cravings and being so mad at yourself all the time is quite unhealthy dont you think?
The way you feel at the moment sucks.Dont do it again.
Ok,day 3 is over and I must admit.Without being able to eat the whole time,this was tough.
When I can figure this out Im gonna have it...lol
I've been feeling like having something nice lately,a constant thought.Just cant figure out what that is.Unless I retry everything,I dont think I'll ever know and that sounds like to much hassle to me.
I do miss some really yummy comfort desert.Like apple pie and cream!
Ok,just saying!
In the beginning of Aprill I stopped smoking but started chewing the nicotine gum.I did fantastic while on the gum with not smoking.
But the gum gave me extremely severe gastritis.I started refluxing like crazy and had to stop using the gum.Now this is where my challenge started.One must never ever underestimate the power of an addiction.I have gained 6 pounds in the last month.Yes,boys and girls,all of the buffer weight I allow myself is gone,just like that.
What is worse I am eating like I have never had the sleeve.Dont ask me how.I just can.I am never uncomfortable.Never feel like I over eat.I think I just pace myself very nicely and keep eating all day long.
IT IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY TO FEEL THIS OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN.
My very worried friend brought me the number of a therapist who works with eating disorders and I am going to go and see her.It feels like before the sleeve when I just couldnt stop.I even eat chocolate,which doesnt taste particularly nice to me.BUT I HAVENT HAD ANY NICOTINE (since stopping the gum) in 4 days now.I ama super b***h,have fired my lazy housekeeper,put my kid on a bus instead of a taxi (she refuses to keep a budget) and gave the little one a permanent tv ban during the week.Everyone hates me but feeling like a maniac at least makes me a little more assertive than usual.
But this is sooooo hard.I have a huge oral fixation.My life feels empty and sad when Im not able to get a high from something I stuff into my mouth,all the time.Thank goodness I sorted the alcohol thing out with myself as this would have been the perfect crutch now if I didnt make the choice to never drink to much or too often.
Anyhow,this is to warn people.Get into that healthy life style.Exercise.See the shrink,deal with your issues or they will deal with you,like mine are now.
I am back on my chicken and am not gaining weight anymore.The evenings are just still a challenge as this is when I want to really smoke.I also need to turf this chocolate ganash that I have in the fridge and I will be ok.
My aim is to lose this weight in 2 weeks but I will tell this blog when the 2 weeks starts.My imediate goal is to just get over the smoke thing and stay quit.Boy I sometimes just want to say whatever and have a smoke but I know is is just practicing saying no to myself.Something I am not very good at and the reason I got so fat in the first place.
So,no!I will not gain more.No,I will not smoke again!No,I will not eat that chocolate (well,maybe a little...lol.)
Well,this morning I weigh 175.5 pounds.I am soooo happy.
Ive started thinking about a couple of changes I have made over the last month and it must be these that has started speeding up my weight loss.
The most important one is I started taking high doses of probiotics.I really couldnt reconsile myslef with the idea of taking stool softners an dlaxatives for the rest of my life.I had to try a few different ones as some gave me heartburn but found one that I dont even think is multi strained it is just acidophylus.2 caps 3 times a day and when I forget during the day 3 and 3 when I remember.i open them and drink the powder with water.My constipation has all but vanished.I also eat more spicy food and whereas my tummy still complains when I do this too often,I think this is helping too.
Then,I have stopped using low fat products.I have 2 kids and I know they need fats and wasnt getting it.I have started adding generous portions of olive oil when cooking (dont measure and I use enough) every day.I have also started aming basic dishes like beef and chicken,cut into strips,rolled in flour with some parmesan cheese fried in a little oil.Now I was a bit scared in the beginning of the flour as I use to not add any carbs to my diet for the past few months.But because I dont put egg on the meat before I dip it in my flour mix,just a thin layer of the flour sticks to the meat and chicken,The thing is it is somsoft and tender cooked this way that I just kept on doing it.For the past 2 weeks this,along with wok fried onions and capsicums of all colours (a lot ot these) have been my staple.I have also not limited myself in the amount that I eat and I know I eat way more than 9oz per day.When I am hungry I have a few pieces.The carbs cannot be enough to trigger cravings as I have none.
Having said that I have eaten out about 5 times in the past 2 weeks.Thai pumpkin and chicken fritters,Indian curry,roast beef and gorgonzola,ect ect. i of course dont eat much and I am satisfied.
I have lost loads of weight just recently and I think the reason is I am satisfied faster because of the fats in the food.It does fill you up fast.I dont have cravings for anything.Added bonus my skin is not dry anymore and my energy levels are up.
Just one thing that is not the best thing...I also often drink cappucinos.This darned dolchi gusto machine is just an evil little thing,I cant resist the coffee.I have read just this week where a lady that posted about her 1 year post op said she found early on that caffine makes her lose weight.This is not why I am drinking the coffee though and I have started limiting myself again,some days.
Exercise,nothing for the past 10 days.Stupid but thats the way it is with me.I have an irrational fear of losing the weight while exercising way more than what I will be doing for the rest of my life and then regaining when I start doing less exercise again.I havent ever discussed this on here as I know everyone will differ with me about it but this is exactly what happened to me before.I will lose this weight as balanced as I possibly can and anyway,the moment I start running longer distances,this stupid fear really sits in the back of my head all day every day,thats why I stop every time.Crazy,yes,stupid,yes,real,for sure.But I do play squash and go to some pilates reformer classes,which is way less than an hour every day.
I am now 5kg's from my dr's goal weight for me and a BMI of 25.Seems unreal to me.
Since I have decided to take a week off I had a blast.Not overeating but just relaxing a little.
Of course toda I relaxed too much and bamm,ate half a container of caramel popcorn in the movies....which of course brings my cals for the day to about 1700....ooops!
Now if the theory of calories in calories out was scientifically correct then this should not be a problem at all.See we played in a squash tournament this morning with a bunch of young girls and boy did I burn a load of calories.According to my bodybugg I am far over 3000 cals for the day but to be on the modest side lets say it is 3000.
Which means I still have a huge deficit for this day......but alas,as experience have taught me this will not matter tomorrow when I weigh.
Ok,here is my prediction.I will be heavier at least 1to2 pounds heqvier tomorrow and this will not jus disappear again the next day.
anyhoo,I will start fresh this week and see if I can drop at least a few pounds this week.It must be doable.This 4 pounds for the month thingy is not going to do it for me for much longer so desperate times call for desperate measures...will just have to figure out what that might be...lol
hi
I am not on the site a lot anymore as I am sooo busy.
But I said I would update anything that has to do with the VSG and here I am.
So,the burning and tingling sensation in my hands and feet seems to be peripheral neuropathy,ideopathic bu definetely caused by the surgery.We are doing extensive bloods at the moment to try and find some sort of deficiency.
This is nerve damage but the cause is still unknown.If it wasnt for the pain in my hands and feet at night I would not have been so franctic to find the cause but I qm suffering quite a bit.I am smoke free and my weight is between 158 and 163 but I am not really gaining or losing anymore.I would like to weight 154 but I am quite thin even at 160 so I am happy.
Well,I will post test results next week.Please pray for me as this is so scary.I feel if I have tight gloves on my hands and arms and my legs up to my knees as well.I know it is not life threatening but boy it drives you crazy as your arms and legs feel like they are asleep,just waking up.....lol.
Anyhoo,I am doing ok.Had a crazy crazy year and thank goodness I am thin.This made it possible for me to really cope with all that has happened and all the travelling I have had to do this year.
God is good,all the time!
xxo
ok,today is the first day that I feel a little lost in this journey.
I have had a hairy furry feeling with a white coating in the back of my throat since surgery.It doesnt go away.I have been on daktarin gel and on mycostatin and it doesnt help which makes me think it is not thrush.
How do I get rid of this feeling?I want to gag and am constantly busy trying to fix this issue.It is the most aweful feeling I have ever had and I regret having this surgery if only for this.I wish I could just feel normal again.If this horrible feeling goes away I feel I will have my life back.
Help!
Ok,so it is 22:00 now and I realize I am and have been all over the place trying to diagnose and fix the way I feel.
1.I have acid even though I am taking a PPI.
2.My brearhing is difficult most of the time even though it is not like asthma..just breathing with difficulty.I dont lie down or rest during the day and slept sitting up for max 5 hours a night before.
3.I know the tightness around my ribcage and pain in the back can be because of the acid.My left incision is slightly painful tonight.
4. Protein drink does not sit well at all....gas,pain,bloating.
5.the stomach is RUMBLING LIKE NEVER BEFORE especially on the left side where the left incision and drain was.
But all this can be normal.It is all the darn lucky people that says I dont even know I had the surgery,I went back to work day 5 that makes me so paranoid...LOL
With the band I had
1. The acid
2. The back pain
3. The rumbling tummy
4. The breathing issue. ..but only briefly
So I suppose this is just normal healing and a tummy that is angry and tryinq to cope with what I did to it.
And I will try to relax and endure this for a few more days....because this will get better very soon.Ok,upwards and onwards Christian soldiers.Tomorrow is another day.
xxo
Ps.a warm bath helps every time....I have been doing this at least 2 or 3 times every day...it helps for all the symptoms but the acid,which will be gone before I know it..hehehe!
I am not sure what is going on with me but I am getting slightly concerned.Since yesterday morning I've been having the craziest stomach ache.No idea what is causing it.I also have this pain high in my back behind my stomach.My tummy is rumbling like crazy the whole time and I am just generally feeling weird.
This should really go away now....
for some reason I still cannot reply on the comments.
I usually feel "mentally uncomfortable" when I am full.Sounds crazy but full is in my head before it is in my stomach.But not when I am eating for comfort.I feel that maybe I eat faster then and the speed of my mouth outruns the speed of the head if that makes sense.
However I almost got a second helping tonight but then the pain struck and I felt aweful.
Wont be doing that any time soon again.
xxo
over the past few weeks I have been on a real roller coaster emosionally.
The thing is I did have a what the heck have I done moment while still in hospital but once it was done,how can that matter? I am never an eternal optimist about anything but I cannot look back to often,I just get so angry with myself for lacking the self discipline needed to eat normal.
So,I have little moments when I really want to eat...just to eat,not because I am hungry.Then I have moments when I have the pain in my back and abdomen that I am scared it will stay like this forever.Then I have moment s when I think I can drink/eat too much of the liquidized food.Then I fear the acid which I know is present as it affects my voice.
Most of all I fear failing at this,not losing the weight,eating when I shouldnt,staying fat!
BUT THEN I HAVE MOMENTS WHEN I REALLY BELIEVE THAT MY FUTURE WILL BE EASIER.That I will lose weight and be able to have fun with my 11 year old.
That everything will be ok.
I dont dwell on any one of these things for too long.They are all fleeting emosions.At the moment I am trying to be patient with not eating solids and to drink enough and to not over do it during the day.
And that is good enough for me for now.
Xxo
