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About this blog

My journey to rediscover myself

Entries in this blog

 

Almost A Month Out

I just realized that it will be my 1 month surgiversary on Monday. In the day to day, it feels like a struggle, but overall I can't believe it's already been a month.   I'm dealing with head hunger alot this week. I feel like everyone is conspiring against me to show me what I CAN'T have. Pizza, chinese food, etc. It's not like I expect everyone to eat the same as I am, but do you have to do it in front of me. I know in another month, I probably can have one or two bites of each of these, but for now....

Tif 2.0

Tif 2.0

 

Tomorrow Is 2 Weeks Out

I can't believe how well things have gone the past two weeks, relatively speaking. I stepped on the scale this morning before I got in the shower and it said 271.   I started this journey in August at 319 and on surgery day weighed in at 286.   My family is completely supportive. Husband, son, cousins, brother, everyone.   My work has been completely supportive to the point that I worry if I'm not completely successful they might think differently of me.   For the most part, I've drank all my water and managed all my protein. I feel like I've handled my head hunger well, except that I really would like a BITE of pizza.   I'm not supposed to be on mushies yet, but last night I did have a small bowl of tortilla soup with a little bit of shredded cheese. I picked out all the beans, carrots, zucchini, corn and left a few small chunks of chicken and the liquid broth part and put a few chunks of avocado and maybe a tsp of shredded cheddar cheese. It was delicious and just what I needed. I managed about 10 small spoonfulls and hit that wall and it sat in my chest for about 20 min.   The night after surgery, I was sitting/laying in the recliner at the surgical center and while I couldn't keep my eyes open, I was thinking of all the things that lead me up to that moment and they were bittersweet. I thought of all the negative things that I was just ready to let go of. I am so tired of being fat. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything thus far, except clothes shopping.   I have 32 lbs to go until I reach the weight I was at when I got pregnant with my son. My goal is to lose that before his 6th birthday, April 21st. I know I can do that. I KNOW I can. I just have to continue to do what I'm supposed to.   Since surgery I have decided to finally 'fix' the rest of me like getting new glasses, whitening my teeth. They are little things, but I feel like its things I HAVE to do. I feel a compulsion to do it. It probably is transferring my compulsion for food onto other aspects of my life, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.   I've started dealing with issues of WHY I was fat and it has certainly been an awakening experience.   All I know at the end of this journey, I'm not going back. As the Robinsons say, I will Keep Moving Forward.

Tif 2.0

Tif 2.0

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