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Pirates, Ninjas and Sleeves, The Quirky Rollercoaster Ride of Life

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Bad Hormones! Be Good!

I apologize to everybody who has messaged me asking where I was. Frankly, it's felt like the last week has flown by, what with going back to work and everything. My managers have really pulled through for me and decided that I needed to be on half days for last week and this week as I was struggling to make it through the day. If my job was less physical I would have been able to stick it out, but I just couldn't deal with an 8 hour shift yet. I'm hoping that by Friday I'll be back to normal hours, although I've never been so glad that I accumulated so much PTO! Things have been going okay. I still have trouble with getting my gallbladder med, vitamin, and my protein in but each day is a little easier.   I have felt very cut off, though, and I realize that it's somewhat self-inflicted. I'm so exhausted from work that I go home, sleep for about 4 hours, then get up and work with my weights or go for a walk. Which exhausts me and then I go to sleep. I've always been someone who is always doing things and its hard for me to take the time and relax. I'm hoping I can schedule some fun stuff for this coming week, though! Today I'm going to go to the new wing at the science museum and then to the art museum and I'm really excited about it!   Okay, on to the 'blushy stuff'. I read that people can get really horny as their hormones get released from the fat cells...but damn. I swear I'm about to jump on the first available man I see and do a "wham, bam, thank you sir" in public! I'm going to end up on Channel 10 local news if this doesn't come under control! I feel like I'm once again a hormone-bombed-15-year-old. Seriously not cool. Okay, so it is cool...but it would be so much better if I had a boyfriend right now. Although he probably would have to call in sick to work from massive dehydration and pulled muscles....*grin*
Lyra

Lyra

3
 

Sith Lords, Wallie, And Dinosaurs Taste Like Chicken

Yesterday was a day that would have made a SAINT fall to the Dark Side and become an evil Sith Lord. He and Darth Vader would have been bffs, I'm sure. Work was hectic in that everybody needed their hands held and a customer argued over a shade of pink I used on their cakes. But, honestly, I kinda expect that at work so it doesn't really bother me anymore. No, what made the day 'of the suck' was when I reached into my pocket to pull out Wallie (named after Wall-E), my Pantech Pursuit side-open qwerty keyboard phone and his touchscreen wasn't working! Wallie was probably my favorite phone EVER but the only thing he could still do was allow me to type a number on the keyboard to call out. Which was heroic of him, but who knows anybody's number anymore? Seriously, when I call someone it goes like this, "Wallie, call (fill in the blank with a name)" and Wallie calls. I can't deal with not having a phone. Seriously. Also, texting is a fact of life. So instead of going home to change from my work clothes before going to get my hair done I tried (and failed) to find a AT&T store. *sigh*   So off I go to my amazing salon where everybody always looks cute and hip. I already feel like a slob because I'm Lady Plumptious in the Land Of Skinny Cute Clothed People but wearing my work clothes (ucky T-shirt and jeans) I felt even worse. Luckily I had a pair of cute retro-shoes in my car and so was able to take off my just adorable (sarcasm) non-slip shoes. Yet even shoes do not make up for a sad, sad outfit. So, what does a Cool Chick like myself do, you ask? Well like any, er, 'big boned' lady I decided to fake it. Yep, I walked in all swagger and sass and thought to myself "Self, you are wearing awesome shoes. More awesome than THEIR shoes. See my delectable shoe-ware and know envy". Petty, yes, and I really do believe that people are more than their clothes and I really am a self-confident Goddess of Womanhood....but. Yeah, but. I kinda wanted to pretend to be a jedi and say "You see not my horrible work clothes, you see not my horrible work clothes. Oh, and you will give me a free mini highlight....". Ahh, to only have superpowers.   Anyway, the haircut is super hot and off I toddle to find my nearest AT&T store only to find out that my 'insurance' plan that I pay for can't give me a Wallie 2. That they don't even MAKE his type of phone anymore (poor Wallie, and he wasn't even 2 years old yet!) and they say that they'll give me 'X' instead. Well, 'X' is a POS and I'm not paying $50 for it. So low and behold I find myself a lovely iPhone 3 and now have Fyfer (from Fifer of "Watership Down") who rocks hardcore! I have joined the Legion Of Those Who Own Smart Phones And In Particular iPhones". So when do I get my t-shirt and secret decoder ring? They did give me poor Wallie's body in a box so I'm debating on burying him outside under a beautiful, pollen spludging Dogwood Tree. Poor Wallie.   Luckily my bffs called me to go out to eat that night (still in my ucky work clothes but NOW sporting professionally styled hair to go with my cute retro shoes) and we had chicken wings. Well, during the course of dinner I mentioned how I was watching a Dinosaur Documentary and that it said birds were the decedents of dinosaurs. So if that is true, and a chicken is a bird, does that mean that a T-Rex tastes like chicken? And that theoretically I just ate a T-Rex? Mmmm, T-Rex chicken is GOOD! So if you are what you eat, and I just ate a T-Rex does that mean I'm a meat-hungry Queen of Humanity? I mean, T-Rex was considered the king of dinosaurs....*grin*   Although I think my nobility should at least demand several hot cabana boys waiving pond fronds and rubbing my poor, tired feet. You see, cool retro shoes look great but walking for hours in them hurts!   Ah, what a day!
Lyra

Lyra

3
 

My Mom Rocks

I woke up today not feeling so hot. I definitely didn't get enough water yesterday and today I am paying the price. Nothing too bad, but I'm listless and feel like I was run over by a runaway camel. I'm also not able to tolerate any chicken broth or the protein drink that I was able to drink just the other day. So today I've been concentrating on getting my water in and I'm half way to the mark. Also, I couldn't tolerate the liquid Vicodin that the doctor prescribed so I've been moved to a different pain killer. Which is awesome since the one big incision that the doctor did to pull out my stomach has a good four inch bruise around in. Yeah, its sore.   So, working on the water and I went for a 'walk' outside. Basically I walked to the end of the street and back. It's not much but the movement helped. I stepped on the scale today and was down 6 pounds from my surgery day weight for a total of 18 pounds!!! I guess I should work on getting a ticker set up....   My mom, who is concerned that I've barely been able to get water in went and found some greek yogurt that is low sugar and high in protein. I've never been a plain yogurt sort of girl, but this stuff is amazing! It goes down easily and my stomach isn't cramping and gurgling. Yeah, success! The food has helped clear my head a little bit, which has helped the general lethargy. It's really easy to forget to eat and forget to drink, which is a big no-no. It's odd to not feel hungry and to be uninterested in food.   Still not regretting my choice, but I can't wait for the initial after surgery healing to be over with!
Lyra

Lyra

2
 

Not Yet Superlyra, But One Step Closer...

So it's been a few days and a lot has happened in that time. I ended up having to go back to the hospital for them to check me out but luckily everything was easily fixed. Apparently when I threw up the first time it can cause your sleeve to constrict and get pissy, which can cause a cascade failure of epic upchucking. Which pulled and semi-tore some of my internal and external stitches. And because I couldn't keep anything down the ketones from the fat breakdown build up in your body and kidneys. Which don't have the liquid to properly flush them. Which means you get a lovely kidney/UTI infection. Which makes you feel worse. Yeah, do ya'll see where I'm going with this?   So they ended up giving me 2 bags of fluid, 1 plain saline and the other a 'banana bag' that is full of vitamins and stuff. Then they prescribed me 3 different "Stomach Be Good" medicines that I have to take for the next month. Seriously, though, I about cried when I could eat and drink without having burning/stabbing pain. Unfortunately the suture pain I'm just going to have to deal with but at least I can eat and drink!   So this little adventure set my physical recovery back, and I still have to go into work Thursday. My boss rocks, though, and I'm going to be honest that if it wasn't Mother's Day coming up the doctors recommended I take another week off. I think she'll let me work some half days so that's good.   Anyway, overall things are better and I'm back on track. Rock on and I hope ya'll are doing well too!
Lyra

Lyra

2
 

Fat Pounds, Meet Your Match!

So my first VSG blog entry, how exciting! A chronicle of the minutiae of a pre-sleevers journey towards a new life...and oh how I want that new life. To excuse a bad pun, I want it so much that I can practically taste it. I figured even if I'm only talking to myself and sending these blogs out into the ether, then at least I can get how I feel on this journey down on paper. It may be interesting to look at a year from now and actually know what I felt and how I changed without the rose tinted glasses that time often gives our recollections. Or perhaps at the end of this journey, when I've met all my goals I will ceremoniously hit 'Delete'. *grin*.   Right now I'm a 29 years old woman, 5'5" ant 270 lbs, no kids, no SO, but with a ton of friends and a close family who are being (for the most part) very supportive. I do have a rather crazy cat, but I personally think she would be horrified at a reduction in cushy lap space. My deepest desires are to run marathons, complete Tough Mudders, join canine Search and Rescue, become a published writer, and to get married and have kids. I don't know about the other ladies out there, but I'm damned sick and tired of being "the girl with the hilarious personality" with the unspoken "too bad she's fat" tacked on the end. There is more to me than my weight and I finally reached the breaking point where I could give up and accept that my dreams would forever only be dreams...or I could take the bull by the horns, pull up my big-girl panties and figure out how to become a woman that can forge her own path. To that end I left a job that made me miserable, moved to a different state and now have a job and friends that make me smile and actually dance at work. As my dad found his courage to go through a surgery he was terrified of, I in turn found mine to take the next step.   To that end, my first bariatric doctor's appointment is Tuesday and I can't wait. I've been working hard at proper nutrition, weight lifting, yoga, and running to get my body in the best shape possible to tolerate surgery and to kick tail once I'm through it. I'm reading books to figure out why I eat what I do and how emotions dictate my eating. I'm calling it the three-pronged attack so that I am ready emotionally, mentally, and physically for what is to come.   Life is good, and with better health it can only get better!   Feeling Five by Five! ~Lyra   "Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels. " ~Faith Whittlesey
Lyra

Lyra

2
 

Shame And Vulnerability

Over the last week or so I've immersed myself into TedTalks, a yearly convention that is the brain and spirit trust that shows both the absolute best and worst of humanity. It combines science, art, music, humor, and every other aspect that makes us human. It's been inspiring on so many levels, and it has also caused me to really think.   One of the talks was on shame and vulnerability, why we feel them, and how those feelings (and how we deal with them) are important to our lives. I know that for myself I dealt with those emotions by reaching for the cookie box or eating way too much food. I think a lot of people who know me think that I'm an open person because I like to laugh and joke around. Yet I definitely have some very tall, very large boundaries as I am, at heart, a rather private person. This journey has really been a struggle for me because it makes me uncomfortable to be vulnerable in front of others. To go to the doctor and say, "I need this surgery. That I cannot lose weight on my own and will only continue to gain." To go to my best friends with confidence (all the while feeling shame) and tell them that I am getting this surgery. To realize that shame was illogical, but to feel it anyway. Two of my closest friends sat down with me to talk about why I decided to do this. I could see that my normal flippant responses wouldn't work, and that they were important enough to me to try and be as open as possible. God, it was hard, though. So very, very hard. I think I would rather run through the streets naked rather than open up emotionally like that. The results, though, were that they understood and now are really supportive.   My surgery of April 25th is quickly approaching, and I realize how much I really want things to change. I want to stand at my 30th birthday in November and look back and realize that not only am I healthier and have started a more active life...but I also want to be a more emotionally open person. Kinder, more compassionate, and more honest with myself and others. I'm not really sure how to do that but I guess that's part of the journey.   Either way, it's gonna be a hell of a ride.
Lyra

Lyra

2
 

First Appointment And Stress And Guilt...oh My!

So today was my first doctor's appointment with Dr. W and he was fantastic! I felt very comfortable and he answered all of my questions without making me feel like I was just another faceless paycheck. His staff are also a bunch of supremely competent and amazing nurses who went to the extra mile to help me schedule some other appointments. Overall, it was amazing and I wouldn't be so stressed except for one thing...my insurance does not cover gastric surgery. At all. Zip, zilch, nada. So unless the doctors and hospitals go back to accepting chickens as a payment method myself and my family (who rock!) are going to have to come up with the money before I 'go under the knife'. That part definitely creates a ball of stress in my stomach, along with an unhealthy amount of guilt. The fact that my folks are willing to scrimp and save along with me for this makes me feel so unworthy. My mom almost brought me to tears saying that this was important for her, because it is important to me and that she would do what she could to help me pay for this. She keeps reminding me that 'where there is a will there is a way' but golly, I sure do wish that the way was a lot easier!   Adios, ya'll and if anybody knows how much a kidney goes for on the black market, let me know! (joke)   ~Lyra
Lyra

Lyra

2
 

Overwhelmed, Tired, And Happy

Yesterday was my support group class...the last class before it goes to insurance for approval. It was interesting and overwhelming and scary. There are so many vitamins and minerals and nutrients you have to remember to take, and I think I'm going to try and get some free samples of protein drinks. Has anybody tried the 'Nectar' brand before? They're running a special right now on samples. It really just hit me that the journey to surgery is almost over. I need to sit down and write down what I need to take everyday so that I can wrap my mind around it.   Yesterday was a hard day because I got up at 4am and was at work until 1pm. Then I drove the 3 hours to my meeting, had dinner with my absolutely WONDERFUL mother, went to the meeting, and then I drove 3 hours BACK home. By the time I got home at midnight I was actually shaking in my seat and couldn't walk straight because I was so exhausted. I can't take the energy drinks because I had a little espresso addiction and it about killed my stomach. Today has been hard...but only two more days of work until a day off! Yah!   My mother is absolutely wonderful. She has been with me every step of the way and it has been awesome. I never think of my mom as getting old, half the time I forget that I'm about to turn 30 this year. Yet at dinner last night I saw my mom's beautiful hands and how rheumatoid arthritis is causing them to bend and warp. It makes me so sad and I wish I could spend more time with her. Luckily I'm recuperating at my parent's house so that's 2 weeks of togetherness. I'm sure by the end of it both of us will be glad for some separation!   So...yeah, overwhelmed. I feel like I have this big ball of emotion that sits behind my breastbone. It wasn't there a couple of weeks ago, but as I get closer and closer to game time, it gets bigger. I'm not thinking about backing out, nor am I unhappy. I think it's this weird conglomeration of nerves, fear, excitement, worry, happiness, with a big dose of "dear god!". Mountain meet molehill. *rolls eyes*.   Everything will be fine but the waiting is driving me nuts!
Lyra

Lyra

2
 

Afraid To Shop...wait, What?!?

I finally had to bite the bullet and go shopping as my pants almost hit my ankles at work the other day! May I just mention thank god for goodwill? I have absolutely NO desire to spend $20 on jeans that wont fit in two weeks. Also Walmart has decent $5 plain t-shirts so while I am in no way fashionable, at least I don't look like a hobo anymore!! It's bad when even your boss starts giving you hints that maybe you should go buy some new clothes! All told I got 2 pairs of jeans, 1 pair of shorts, a new bra, and 3 shirts for $53 bucks. Yeah I spent extra money on the bra, but I'm a firm believer that the ladies have to be slung high and comfy! *grin* I've been washing clothes and sorting them for the thriftstore over the past several days and my walk in closet is looking verrrrrrry anemic!   I will say that I was scared to go shopping and was thankful that my BFF went with me. Isn't that hilarious? I have enough guts to move on my own to places where I know nobody, fight in martial arts against huge muscle-y guys, and have this surgery but shopping scared me?! After some thought I realized I just felt so overwhelmed at how much stuff I really need. Literally from the skin outward I not only had no clue what size I was anymore but what I should wear. Don't get me wrong, I have very decided opinions about fashion but being..err...plumptious for so many years I often just had to dress in clothes that I would not have chosen if there were other options. It was kinda funny because my BFF had made a comment that with my laid back style I should be able to find lots of clothes as I get smaller. I told her that she had never actually seen my preferred type of clothes because they didn't make them in my size and that I thought she would be very surprised. I don't think anybody really realizes how girly I would dress if I had a choice! I can't wait for that day when I can go into any store and realize that I can fit in their clothes. It's already happening as I'm down to a size 18 in pants! Still big, but thank god no longer a tight 24!! I'm also super excited that I lost a cup size and 4 inches around my ribcage.   When we went shopping it was just supposed to be my BFF and I but her husand decided to tag along. It was kinda funny because when he asked me if it was okay I told him that yeah, it was fine but that he wasn't allowed to b***h and moan after 45 minutes when he got bored. That I had to get clothes and we would be going in and out a ton of stores and it might be a good idea for him to bring a book. Which he did and was very thankful for, although to give the man props he didn't complain over the entire 5 hour ordeal.   It's hard to believe sometimes how much my life is changing, and I'm so thankful that I could just kiss my doctor!
Lyra

Lyra

2
 

Ramblings, Feral Chickens, And Circus Clowns

Last year my mom and I went on this amazing vacation that had to do with her work. It was fantastic and we've been planning on doing it again next year (it's only held every other year). We were talking about it tonight and how exciting it's going to be. I love hanging out with my mom! One of the things I'm really excited about is how much thinner I'll be because of the surgery. It'll definitely make riding on a plane easier! I am just about the maximum size a person can be and still fit in the waaaay too narrow seat. Yet I do fit with a little room to spare so it made me feel bad when I got on one of my connecting flights and the guy sitting next to me had the "oh hell no that fat chick isn't going to sit next to me" look on his face. He didn't even have the courtesy to at least pretend not to be looking around for another seat. In fact he about bowled me over in his hurry to get away from me. Bastard. Sometimes I wonder how people can be so insensitive. I'm no saint, but I genuinely do not want to hurt people's feelings. It makes me wonder if people who have no care for others were raised in a barn by a flock of feral chickens.   Anyway, that is neither here nor there. So my mom and I were talking about this fab vacation we're planning and I can't wait to shop for clothes! Granted, it's 10 months and 3 weeks away (but whose counting?) but I'm daydreaming about wearing a sexy little dress that clings in all the right places. Of a classy little evening bag whose strap stays on my shoulder and some knockout heels that scream "diva on the prowl!".   I've already changed so much in the last year. Internally changed, I mean. In fact, last summer was the first summer in almost 10 years that I wore shorts. Crazy, right? Yet I've always been so self-conscious. Not because I'm...er...plumptious, but because I have a lot of scarring on my legs from a run in with a brown recluse spider plus mrsa and two surgeries. I finally decided that my scars show that I still have legs thank god and that I've led an interesting life so screw the stares from people. To my surprise I found that most people just don't care or don't pay attention. It was a huge confidence builder and for those who were rude enough to point my scars out I came up with some real humdinger responses. My favorites included being attacked by rabid fire ants, alien abduction, surgery to make me taller, and a horrific circus accident involving a clown, tiger, and a wheelbarrow. *smirk*.   Man, I can't wait to go shopping for fashionable clothing!
Lyra

Lyra

2
 

What Do Mrs Potato Head And Dr Frankenstein Have In Common?

Today was a fantastic day off and I got a bunch done. While my liquid diet officially starts on the 18th I've decided to start meal replacing now so that my the 18th I will only have to stop eating 1 meal instead of 3. I made some chicken broth today (it's pretty good) and cleaned my house. For some reason I feel this nesting instinct and have been cleaning like a mad woman. My apartment does look great though....   I was talking to a fellow surgery sisters and asked if she ever walked around looking at different bodies and wished she could take a butt from that lady, the legs from another, the stomach of a third and build the body she would have after surgery. Frankly, I've been playing Mrs. Potato Head, or Dr Frankenstein, like crazy lately. There was a lightening storm last week and I kept looking around waiting for Igor to show up! While part of me wishes the next two weeks could fly by, another part of me is actually enjoying the entire process and wanting to 'live in the moment'.   So here's a question: The USA has a very high obesity rate, but has anybody ever noticed that the 'normal' size clothes take up 2/3 of the space while the plus size gets shoved into a dark, dank corner? I want to shop in the normal section and not feel like I should be saying "Oh, I'm looking for somebody else, not for me *cue uncomfortable laugh*." Not only that, but I can't WAIT to be able to easily find clothes that are not button down, breast pocketed, striped shirts. Or frumpy. Or only in dark colors. Or with crazy grandma's floral print curtains pattern. I want to wear bright colors, with shirts that may be *gasp!* made of a thin silky material that clings to my body and doesn't show a muffin top. I want some knee high boots and some skinny jeans. I want to wear sundresses and tank tops without my arms looking bad. And dear god I want a pair of leather pants to go clubbing in! I miss dancing at clubs...   One thing I wonder is if losing weight will make me look older. Now, don't get me wrong, I fully appreciate not looking my age. Not only does my mom's family always tend to age well, but with my round and chubby face I get told I look like I could be in college. I turn 30 in six months. Has anybody else run into this where they either looked younger or looked older after the surgery? While I don't want to suddenly look older than my years, it might be nice to not get carded going into rated R movies. Or have bartenders look at my license like it's a fake. On the flip side I rake it in at the county fairs where they guess your age, especially if I don't wear makeup and put my hair in a ponytail. *amused*   Okay, babbling over and now it's off to finish laundry. I keep wishing that I will wake up someday and have had a brownie (the mythological creature who did housework and other chores in exchange for milk and bread) move in and start doing the chores for me! Dishes and laundry are such a pain.   Toodles, and I hope everybody has a great weekend!   -Lyra
Lyra

Lyra

2
 

Biting Nails, Dinosaurs, Terminator, And Evil Dryers

When I went to my last pre-insurance-approval class (is- Support group) I was told to wait until Tuesday and then call to see if the doctors had all gotten my paperwork to Dr. W. So, dutifully I call and was told that everything was kosher and that it had gone to the insurance lady, Mary, last Friday. So...sitting here, cruising the 'web, eating some pasta, watching about dinosaurs and just chilling. NOT. Okay, so the first few things were true, but I am not calm and collected! I'm about to have absolutely NO nails left. I am, in fact, biting my nails so badly that it looks like I have a nervous tick and the nice men in the white jackets are gonna take me to a padded room. Also, as a side note, I was totally expecting something different from the Support group. I had this weird image that we would all be sitting in a circle on rainbow poofy chairs talking about our feelings, our emotional eating problems, and our mothers. Something very touchy-feely. Not that there is anything wrong with touchy-feelyness, per say, but I would rather remove my own stomach with a dull, plastic spork then talk about such things in front of strangers. Well the rainbow poofy chairs were long tables, metal folding chairs, and a whiteboard. And the only touchy feeling talk going on was about vitamins, minerals and how best not to starve ourselves of vital nutrients.   So, I have all these questions whirling through my head. What if the insurance blip I had to take care of a few weeks ago didn't go all the way through the bureaucratic nine levels of hell to be attached to my file? What if the doctor's office didn't properly file my new insurance information in my folder? What if BCBS's computers suddenly become sentient and we all start living some variation of "The Terminator"? Somehow I don't think Dr W would do surgery in some broken down building while hoping to escape from a rabid AI. Okay, so maybe that last one is a touch out there...   I know that after the surgery I will be getting rid of clothes like crazy. I thought I was ready to get rid of my favorite shirt that I have had for years. I had even made plans to get said shirt in smaller incarnations. Whenever I wore this shirt I got sooo many compliments and it was the supreme of cool. Yet my Led Zepplin shirt was taken from me before it's time. Not because I have lost so much weight that it was now a tent and merrily off I went to buy another. No. It was insidiously taken from me by my dryer. I pulled it out and somehow small holes had ripped through the shirt. It had gone straight from "I can wear this out in public" through "I can wear this to the gym" to "only in my house. Alone. With the blinds closed." *sigh* Poor Led Zepplin shirt.
Lyra

Lyra

2
 

Today Was Awesome!

Ya'll, it's a great day to be alive! Today was awesome, the birds were tweeting, the sun was shining and a gentle breeze ruffled the trees. I kicked some serious butt at work and am ready to go into a hectic weekend! I'm really glad that it's going to be such a crazy next few days, as that means that they will skip on by and then....IT'S SURGERY DAY!   We had some bigwigs coming through the store today, and they said that they LOVED our cake case! Rock on us decorators! Another reason today rocked was sparked by an absentminded comment I made to the payroll officer at work. She saw me filling out the PTO (paid time off) request form and asked me if I was going to be doing anything fun. I said that I was going to be out on leave for 2 weeks for surgery. Her reply was to ask me if I had short-term medical disability insurance and if so, why I wasn't using it for the 2nd week. Seriously, how did I not think about that? I have a ton of PTO hours saved up, but it'll save me 24 hours of PTO. Which rocks! It required a bit of paperwork, but I've gotten it all taken care of. Another cool thing was that I went to Michael's Art Supplies store for some new sketching pencils (I had scored a 40% off coupon) and then found out that sketch pads were 50% off! My current sketch pad sucks as it was super cheap, but my new one is really nice.   Overall a great day and I'm so excited about having surgery on Wednesday. I feel very calm and I know that this is the right decision. Life is good, and it's only going to get better!
Lyra

Lyra

1
 

Alien Love Spore Or Zombie Death Plague

I haven't written in a few days because I've been fighting off The Zombie Death Plague. Okay, I should probably back up and start from the beginning. Ten years ago I was bitten by a brown recluse spider and then got MRSA on top of that (it was a fun year) and about three years ago I started getting MRSA flare ups a few times a year. Cue horror movie music and once again I'm fighting off MRSA. Which, while problematic, can be taken care of with typical prescription drugs except that I'm allergic to eleven different drugs. Doctors always get this 'deer in headlights' look about them when they need to prescribe for me as it's somewhat of a crap-shoot if I'm going to get sick (or shuffle off my mortal coil) from a new drug. Or an old drug that my body can't really tolerate anymore. Nice, right?   So I've given this some thought and I think MRSA is a government conspiracy (not really) that is really either an Alien Love Spore Infection (aka 'Body Snatchers') or The Zombie Death Plague (aka 'Resident Evil') that is trying to take over our world. Who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll wake up with an insatiable need for Braaaiiiiiins, the desire to moan piteously, and a serious case of personal decomposition. Well, right now I'm up early and forcing myself to eat a large breakfast because you can't take one of the only anti-MRSA (Zombie Death Plague) drugs on a lonely bagel or banana filled stomach. It's the equivalent of a nuclear bomb going off in your body and all sort of bacteria and whatnot die. Even the 'good' bacteria. Needless to say the next few days will be fun.   Obviously it's been a busy few days and the entire thing started off after bug bites I got from hiking and picnicking became infected. I'm taking this as proof that trees are evil, and mother nature is out to get me. From now on the only wilderness I want to be experiencing is the shopping mall on a Saturday during a 50% off sale! So other than that debacle I've been dealing with insurance stuff. See, my insurance approval is waiting on my PCP to send proof that I've been heavy for the last few years. I've been waiting for two weeks. So basically I called up my PCP last night and we chatted and I said that I have a somewhat narrow window of opportunity in April to get this surgery and I need this paperwork now. He pinkie promised to get it done and sent in today or tomorrow, thank goodness. If he doesn't...well...my friends and family know that I have a....creative...sense of humor :ph34r: . And my PCP has known me for a long, long time. *wicked smile*   So fighting off Zombieism, battling insurance companies, and decorating cakes. And who said that life was boring?   PS- Seriously, if I hit the "Add Entry" button (which should read "If You Hit This Button All Your Work Will Be Erased You Need To Hit Publish Now You Idiot" ONE MORE TIME I might throw a tantrum worthy of a 'Toddlers and Tiaras' contestant!
Lyra

Lyra

1
 

Invasion Of The Body Snatcher

Today I went to Zumba again for the first time since surgery and having dropped 53 pounds. For some reason I thought that I would be more graceful and more able to swing my hips and do my thing but I'm still gonna have to work on that. Thank god I 'dance' in the back of the class! Before I dropped this weight I had actually gotten pretty good at Zumba, but now I feel like my body is going nuts. My center of gravity is shot to hell, I drop everything and I just generally feel off. Not bad, as I actually feel pretty good, but different. Lighter, in some ways, and both stronger and weaker in others. I feel like I have a greater range of movement without all the previous fat globbed onto my bones, but I kinda feel like I'm 13 again and had just grown 3 inches overnight. Where do all the knees and elbows go?!?   I sometimes find myself shocked when I can sit cross-legged in a chair that I use to wedge myself into. Or when I cross my legs without thinking. Or when I put on that shirt that hasn't fit in 3 years. Little blasts of shocked pleasure and then I remember that my body is radically different right now. I almost feel like I'm going through puberty and having to relearn a drastically changing body landscape. Just today I realized that I needed a smaller sports bra. Of course, this realization happened during a particularily energetic Zumba song, but I was still surprised as I often remember it being almost too tight. Strange. I catch myself on those memories fairly frequently.   I also wonder what my body is going to feel like in another 90ish pounds when I get down to my goal weight. I sometimes feel like my body is melting away around me (totally not complaining!!) while my mind is off somewhere in an Irish pub singing bawdy sailor songs only to come back to a totally redocorated house. It's strange, and lovely, but so very confusing at the same time.
Lyra

Lyra

1
 

It's Not Onederland, But...

So for the last few years I've gone up and down the same 10-15 pounds. The lowest I've been is 260 and that's when I've dieted until life had no joy, but if I so much as looked at a piece of bacon I immediately jumped to 270-275ish. And, man, you can really feel a difference in your body at that weight! Yet today I jumped on the scale and it read 257.4!! It might not be onederland, but I'm just as happy! Go Lyra! *happy dance*
Lyra

Lyra

1
 

Monkeys Don't Throw Cake

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man. ~Zhuangzi     I've always had crazy dreams full of intricate plot, color, surround sound, and sci-fi material but last night was a doozie. Let me explain, I almost always know when I'm dreaming. You see, when I was a little kid I had really, really, really intense dreams (I still do but as an adult they don't bother me) and one day I decided that I was a 'big girl' and didn't need to cry for my mom or dad. So after I would wake up from such techno-color dreams I would mentally envision myself on a white horse (yeah, I was horse crazy) galloping through a meadow with kitties and puppies and whatnot (so trite!). I would slow my breathing and forcibly calm myself down (breathing helps everything, I swear!). I only learned as an adult when I was being taught meditation that I had been doing a version of that all those years. Kinda neat, huh? Anyway, I remember my dreams almost daily so it became an automatic defense until one day I was in the dream and realized that I was dreaming and was able to calm myself down while still asleep. That means that even 'scary' dreams are pretty hilarious when you know that they're not true. Typically I only have the traditional 'nightmares' when I'm either stressed or sick as I think it sort of short-circuits my ability to influence that aspect of my mind.   So last night I'm minding my own business all snuggled into my comfy bed and I kept waking up in a full on clammy sweat. It was like I had just run a full marathon at Olympic breaking speeds. Yuck! I don't really remember what I was dreaming (which is odd for me) but I remember a feeling of being confined and powerless. There may also have been a panda bear. (Yeah, it doesn't take a degree to understand that first part!). I think being powerless is my greatest fear so it's not surprising that it would cause my sleeping brain to freak out like that.   Dearest sub-brain, I realize that you're obviously nervous about my upcoming future but it'll be okay. Seriously. So, take a chill pill, relax, and let the poor human have some nice, uninterrupted sleep tonight! Otherwise I might go batsh@$t crazy at work and start throwing cakes at customers like I was a monkey at the zoo.   Well, except they don't throw cake.
Lyra

Lyra

1
 

Why Can't We Pay With Chickens? Or A Goat?

So I recently switched insurance companies to one that will approve my surgery...as long as I have a paper proving that I had another insurance UP TO the day that my new insurance starts. Basically that little sheet of paper means that there is no pre-existing clause to my new insurance and PRESTO approval for the VSG. I've had the insurance guys swear on all they hold dear that this is so. No problem, right? WRONG. My 'old' insurance is about to feel what my boot up it's derriere feels like. I cancelled my old insurance and dated it the day before my new insurance picked up. Well, three weeks later their system FINALLY updated and they said they would send me my Proof Of Insurance paper....dated at the end of this month. I don't need the cancellation to be at at the end of this month, I need it to say at the end of LAST month because I've gone to doctors this month and said that my insurance was Insurance B. If I had 2 insurance coverages for the last month that means I have to go back to all these doctors and submit paperwork showing that I had primary AND secondary insurance for them to bill. So sayeth the law. Now, I'm tickled all shades of pink that I finally have this magical document, but I am less than thrilled that I will have to traipse across the city to different doctors to submit another insurance for them to bill that I dont even have anymore. Especially as my 'old' insurance was crap and basically laughed in the face of medical claims and would just punt the claims to my new insurance.   Seriously, WHY can't we go back to the way that it used to be and just pay the doctors in chickens? How about a goat? I'm a cake decorator and I'll trade wedding, holiday, anniverary, birthday, and divorce cakes for surgery! Pretty please?
Lyra

Lyra

1
 

Sad

*sigh*. My last class before getting my surgical date is next week and I was hoping to have the surgery at the end of March. That way I could have the two weeks off and go back to work for Easter weekend (I'm a cake decorator). I just found out that the first week of April is blacked out for time off. Which means that unless my surgery is 4/9 I wont be able to take 2 weeks off until May because it would interfere with the other decorator's vacation. Damn it. February has flown by and I know March will too....but I'm just so bummed. I just want to have the surgery and get this done. I know that in a few months everything will have worked out...but right now I'm just a little sad. It doesn't help that I've been working crazy long hours dealing with some real wackos lately and am very hormonal right now. Why do people feel the need to treat customer service like crap? I get treated like I'm an idiot when I have as much, if not more, education than many of my customers do. What is wrong with people?
Lyra

Lyra

1
 

Vikings, Fairies, And....bowling?

So today I felt very much like a Viking. I have those days. I would say only occassionally, but seriously, who am I kidding? Sometimes you roll out of bed to the thunderous sound of the alarm clock and think to yourself, "Self, today is a Viking day". I knew it was going to be a glorious Viking day when I got out of bed, strutted into the bathroom and found that I had lost more weight! Yeah, broken stall! I have conquered thee! Thus I then gained an appropriate Viking attitude that says "Arg! I shall plunder and pillage the countryside! Beer wench, bring me more mead!" (On a side note, occassionally I also feel like a pirate, but thats a different blog. *wink*). So, my fellow Norse Men, The Stall Hath Ended! I knew I was totally rockin' my innter Viking warrior when people kept commenting on how awesome I looked today! Which, let me tell you, it's hard to look fabulous in a white chef's jacket. I pretty much pretend that the chef jacket is battle armor against the hordes of rampaging customers, but even MY imagination can only go so far!   Speaking of Vikings, my bffs went to Iceland and asked what I wanted them to bring back to me. I said (of course!) "A Viking". Translation: A 6'4 HUNK of virility whose only desire is to...er *blush*....play scrabble with me. Yeah...um...scrabble. *rolls eyes*. Did anybody believe that, 'cause not even I did. Anyway, I figured they could FedEx me a Viking. Hell, if it fits it ships, right? Instead I got Erikir The Red who is about 4 inches tall, very rotund, and looks like he would rather be protecting his rack o' sheep ribs instead of other things. *wink wink, nudge nudge*. Still, he's kinda cute. Although not quite what I was looking for....   Work was nuts, as usual, and now I'm researching bowling alleys because a bunch of us are going bowling and I am, apparently, She Who Organizes The Who, What, When And Where. Sometimes I swear getting everybody to the correct place at the correct time is like herding cats. So, research. Thank god for google and smart phones.   I have about 1.5 weeks until my sixth month surgiversary doctor's appointment. I need to lose 4lbs to get to 90 total lost. I'm kinda hoping that the Chub Fairy will come and suction about 14lbs from me overnight (and leave me money under my pillow), but it seems that the Chub Fairy is having beer with the Laundry Fairy, Vaccuum Fairy, and the Cleans The Litterbox Fairy as they are all AWOL and not visiting MY house. *sigh* It's so hard to find good help these days....
Lyra

Lyra

1
 

Minion Assassin Garden Gnomes

Did anybody get the number of the semi that just ran me over? My feet look like sausages that are about to bust out of their stuffing....they also kinda look like that time I thought I would be able to fit into this dress that I wore in college and ended up getting kinda stuck and having to do some advanced yoga moves (of which I don't know), and practically roll around in Crisco (just kidding...or am I? *waggles eyebrows*) to get myself out of it.   The alarm rang yesterday morning and up I popped with a whistle and a bounce in my step. We were ahead of orders at work and today was going to be a great day! Granted, I kind of had a budget-making panic attack the night before, but my mom talked me off the metaphorical ledge. Anyway, off I go to work and I'm there for a couple of hours when my boss runs up to me and asks me if I'm willing to go to another store 1.5 hours away because they need a cake decorator. The store had just opened and their cake decorator had an accident (not job related) so they were going through grand opening with nothing. Needless to say I wasn't exactly jumping at as I had PLANS for that evening (nefarious, minion-assassin-garden-gnome-needing plans for world domination!) and didn't want to drive 3 hours round trip. So then she sweetened the pot and said that our store manager would have me get paid time-and-a-half. Which is nice, but still not enough. Then she said they would also give me a non-taxed bonus. *grin*. Yeah, so I can be bought for that, plus paying my traveling expenses! I race to the other store and proceed to work a 13 hour day. Sheesh, my feet are STILL killing me!   Tomorrow I work and then drive to VA to spend the night as my last class and pre-op doctor's appointment starts at 7am on Tuesday. It's hard to believe that my surgery is week after next! WOOT WOOT!   Ladies and gentlemen, I would continue but I'm about to fall over I'm so sleepy. May you all have a fantastic Monday full of fun, adventure, and dragon hunting!
Lyra

Lyra

1
 

"baaaa", Goes The Sheep.

The first days of the liquid diet suuuuucks. Running around the store, making cakes, and working next to a hot oven on liquids only is horrible. Seriously, cannibalism is looking good. Or I'm imagining that my cat would taste good with sweet and sour sauce (joke). *laughs* I was so hungry today that I definitely had a decorating theme going on! I did cupcakes with pigs, chickens, and some very cute and quizzical looking sheep today! They were super cute but everyone was making fun of me for having food on the brain. I hear that by day 3 things get better. I hope so as I feel light-headed and very Ms. Grumpy-pants. I think it would have been okay if the ice cream truck hadn't parked outside my apartment complex with its dastardly song for 20 minutes. I swear the ice cream truck song ignites a rather Pavlovian response in humans of any age! Somehow I don't think that peanut butter milkshakes are on the 'approved liquid list'. Oh well, only 5 more days to go!   The other day was my final pre-op nutrition class, along with my final pre-op doctor's class. The nutrition class was interesting if very, very long. One of the guys in the class pretty much told the nutritionist that he would eat whatever he wanted to, thank you very much. That kinda boggles the mind as it seems like you're setting yourself up for a rather expensive failure. Thank goodness I don't have that mindset.   I have a crazily busy week coming up. Hopefully the days will fly by quickly. Luckily I have plenty of B-rated horror movies to watch on my lovely day off today! Woot woot!
Lyra

Lyra

0
 

Bad Brain! No Cookies For You!

I am Batman. Or rather, Batwoman. No, seriously, apparently I am some lady's hero today who called work all in a tizzy because her pie dough turned out wonky. Forgetting the salt does that. Perhaps one day I'll even look good in spandex and a cape.   Besides my future as a caped crusader I like to think I'm a rather self-aware lady, and I mean self aware beyond the existential belief of both my physical and mental existence upon this plane of reality. Yeah, it's a work in progress but I've given a lot of time (oh, say about five minutes) to understanding my brain and why it prefers to think in shades of purple and glitter (there may also be polka dots) rather than in a more logical and linear manner. Well, I think we can toss "Lyra's Self Awareness Merit Badge" into the trash can. I swear, where does my brain get some of it's thoughts from? Obviously I didn't train it up right and it needs a choke collar and some correctional training. So, here's the sitch...   I was at work today doing my very best to help raise the sugar level in America (I'm a cake decorator, or as I like to say, 'Cake Diva') when one of my coworkers who is a teacher on the side said that she recommended me to teach a class next semester. Now this is good in several ways the first being that teaching one class will help me figure out if this is what I would like to do full time, and the second being that I would make a lot more money teaching than what I'm currently doing. Also, I'm bored and feel the need to stretch my gossamer (and delicately ephemeral) wings in order to expand my repertoire within my profession. So, this is good and I'm confident enough that I think I would be good at the job. However, the first thing that popped into my head was, "Well, if I get the job and as it doesn't start until August, then I probably wont be fat then and so will kick butt." *Beats brain with a rubber duck* What the hell?! Since when is my brain trying to play for the rival team in putting me down? Mutiny! You would think that since my brain is trapped in it's current flesh-mobile that it would be a little bit more respectful of my..er...rubenesque physique. Also, my butt stomping boots work no matter what size I am. It just kinda made me sad that I had this automatic thought about my innate ability vs my size. We get enough of that from the public without having to put up with that inside my own head! Bad brain! No cookies for you!   Okay, one other thing. Why do people, when they see someone like me eating a salad, ask "So, are you trying to lose weight?" I don't go over to skinny people who are eating burgers and say, "So, I see that you're working on that ol' beer gut. Good job!". Today I was eating my lunch (salad) and one of my coworkers asked me what dressing I was using. When I replied "olive oil and lemon juice" he commented that it is great for the middle of the body. *stink eye* Seriously? My middle is not up for public debate. In fact, my middle is under the Witness Protection Program and it's name has been changed so feel free to pretend that it doesn't exist. My reply to him was that, "I don't know what you mean" with my best Clint Eastwood stare. Cue uncomfortable silence and then his quick shuffle towards the door. Yeah, that's right, feel embarrassment and social discomfort brought about by your own clumsy inability to talk about the weather. *rolls eyes*   Tomorrow we're going to the zoo and I'm all aflutter! I do enjoy seeing the penguins and it sounds like a blast!
Lyra

Lyra

0
 

Feeling Yoda-Like Calmness, And A Letter To My Stomach

So I'm here at the hospital in one of their 'hotel-style' rooms. Very comfy. My check-in is at 7am for a 10am surgery and I know that this is right for me. My feet are on the right path and my head is in the right place. I don't know whats going to happen after surgery and what life will be like, but I have faith that everything will work out. I am calm. I am ready. Bring on the scapel, Doc, and let's do this.   Tomorrow is the day, thank you to everyone who has been with me so far on this journey and I'll keep ya'll posted.   See ya on the flip side!   ~Lyra   PS: A Note To My Stomach   Dear Stomach-   We've been together through thick and thin, literally. We've had good times, great times, and "how many tequila shots and burritos did I actually eat" times. Looking back on it, we've had a good run over the last 29 years. Granted, you were always a little bit finicky about lactose, and good at making epically loud grumbly noises that were better suited for the soundtrack of Star Wars (the part where the Death Star exploded, to be exact) but overall our relationship has been just a bit too good. For whatever reason you didn't have any boundaries, and I was a champion at crossing mine. So, in all due respect for services rendered...I want a divorce. Don't worry, though, my dear stomach, part of you will live on inside of me. We will still have a relationship, albeit a much healthier one. Remember the humiliation I felt when I couldn't get on the rides at the state fair? Yeah. I'm not saying it was all you, I definitely had a hand in it, but we're just not good together. You're just too much stomach for me to handle.   Please don't look at this 'divorce' as a forever goodbye. We will still enjoy food, just in smaller and much healthier amounts. Overall my happiness and future will be brighter because of this decision. Together we will strive for a better future. Together we will succeed, and together we will ROCK OUR SLEEVE!   So, goodbye dear stomach. In the morning we will go to sleep and when I awake I will no longer have a demanding and lazy stomach. Instead The Sheriff will be born, and a new sheriff will indeed be in town.   With love for the last 29 years of overly dedicated service, and with hope and faith for the future-   ~Lyra
Lyra

Lyra

0
 

Following The Yellow Brick Road

I went to my Wellness and NUT class yesterday and I have to say that I was shocked. Once again I go to these mandatory classes and I sit there and think, "Does anybody actually know how to google?" Hell, the moment that the idea of VSG tickled my brain I immediately powered up my trusty laptop for some quality web time. Thats how I found all you lovely men and women on this site! Yet here I was, months later sitting in my W&NUT class and listening to this one gentleman say, "You mean I have to give up my McDonald's Deluxe Breakfasts?". And he wasn't being sarcastic, he was actually dismayed. *sigh*   On another note, I also passed my Psych(o) exam yesterday! $345 for 50 minutes that involved a conversation and a test to determine my mental wellbeing. Obviously I went into the wrong line of business as this sure beats my hourly wage!   I'm having friends over for dinner on Saturday and my bff told me that her husband isn't really getting why I'm having this surgery. Basically he's worried about me having surgery, as all surgery is dangerous. Also, he thinks that you can lose weight just by trying harder and using will power. Luckily my bff said that she thinks thats bs. I dont think that if you've been thin your entire life that you can understand how hard it is to lose weight and keep it off. So dinner should be interesting. Basically my mantra is, "You can be supportive without actually agreeing" and "Bring on the questions as long as the conversations are respectful". I'm not worried about it as its my choice, my family is behind me, and the effects speak for themselves. Also I know his questions come out of concern for me, and that it's not coming from a mean or judgemental place. Sometimes I forget that those who have never had surgery or health problems view surgery so suspiciously. I'm only 29 but I've had my appendix and tonsils removed, pins put into my foot, two surgeries on my legs to fix a brown recluse bite gone bad, wisdom teeth removed, and breast reduction surgery. Surgery itself does not scare me...and I think you get to a point in your life that you are willing to risk everything in order to gain a healthier and better life.   One more class to go on March 7 and then everything can be submitted to the insurance. Woohoo!   "If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance." ~ Unknown
Lyra

Lyra

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