Today was my birthday - in 36 years old and 2 days away from the second biggest life changer so far. The first was getting sick. This one though, will change my life for the better. It's actually going to give me back what I desperately want - my health. I leave tomorrow for San Diego. Looking forward to just getting the ball rolling more smoothly down the hill.
I don't know how many others are having surgery that day, other than one person I met here! I'm sure I'll be last, or close to last, as I have a very high BMI- and that's ok - I'm prepared for that. Wouldnt mind being first tho - but I'll wait my turn
I love their fit menu. You can get a steak with sauteed mushrooms and onions, some creamed spinach in a portabello mushroom cap, and potatoes (or sub broccoli or another veggie) for like 14 bucks and its 3 meals - a TOTAL of 550 calories.
My sleeve LOVES beef. LOVES it. Because its a grilled sirloin, its a low fat cut of meat as well - which is even better. That's what I had for dinner last night - and what I'm having for lunch now.
I'm very glad to be eating red meat again - I get anemic very easily and I'd much rather get iron naturally than take supplements. Most mineral supplements have copper in them and I can't have it. Its hard to find a pure iron supplement that doesn't use copper as a binder.
So I tripped and smacked my tummy into the desk (not hard) but it actually opened one of my incisions back up. Its not bleeding or anything - just well, an open incision - so now I gotta go get some more butterflies to get it closed again (I have some on it now but I'll want to be able to keep them on)
If this is my setback then hell yeah - I'll take it!
I'm here in San Diego. I eventful flight - however, I did buy the "extra seat for a person of size" and of course I didn't need the damn thing, I fit in the seat just fine. They said they would refund me so I'm cool with it. So a little victory there I. Itself. I havent flown since before I got sick - so I just didn't know. I was shocked that I did fit in the seat, armrest down, etc because so many standard seats are tough to take.
Anyway - I can't sleep. I'm nervous.... I keep running through my mind and wondering what I'm doing here!?!? Guess its just some last minute jitters and the hunger talking. Knowing that I'm a high BMI and knowing that puts me toward the end of the day sucks too, but it is what it is... End result is my health and happiness.
It's just hard to be in San Diego, where one of my oldest friends lives- I didn't know how I was going to handle being so close to him and not seeing him- it's been since 1999 since I have seen him.... But he and his wife are up in the bay area visiting a couple other friends of ours so it's like it was meant to be!
Hubby is snoring away in the bed next to me. I'd like to sleep but it just doesnt wanna happen. I wanna get up early, get a shower and go put my feet in the ocean for a minute. Then I will head for the airport and continue on my journey. I hate this no water after midnight thing - it sucks.
There hasn't been anything I've put in it that it doesn't like (that's a plus)
I get a definite signal when I'm full (RARELY physically felt full before surgery) so no overeating
Haven't had any issues with acid
Haven't had any issue with pain.
I feel satisfied at every meal. Its just a huge change.
The steroid issues I had are getting so much better
I have lots of energy.
I am just finally on my way back to health. I almost feel like i'm turning back time.
Got home last night - felt great after getting off the plane. The walk through the airport was another story - the airport is under construction so the signs don't actually send you in the right direction - must have literally walked a mile to get out of there to get to the shuttle to get to the car. I was pretty tired by then and getting irritable.
Once we got outside though , the cool air reinvigorated me and I felt pretty good. I drove us home from the airport and my doggies were very happy to see us. Hubby did a good job keeping them from jumping up on me. Usually they sit in the recliner with me on my lap, which can't happen right now, so they're bummed and frankly, so am I about that Ah well, soon enough
I showered today and cleaned my inscisions and recovered the one that my bra touches and also the one with the drain - I'll steri strip that one in a day or two - but it still has a little bit of drainage from it. Everything seems to look good - only one inscision is tender and that's the biggest one. I'm minding that.
I take my temp regularly to ensure i don't have a fever and I'm good to go.
Things are going very well
I made chili for dinner and its going down absolutely great. I can't eat much, but it is my first meal with meat - and my sleeve is taking it just fine. That's very good news to me
Thus far, nothing has given me any trouble and I'm so thankful for that.
Hubby was very happy to have a nice hot meal waiting for him today - he had a rough day at work.
Went to costco and got more protein shakes - got vanilla this time because my syrups came in and now I can do whatever flavor I wanna!
Gonna try eggs tomorrow for breakfast.
I'm anxious to get back to beef. I miss eating steak. I know a big reason that beef is a later food is because its harder to digest, however, because i eat my beef/bison/venison pittsburgh rare, It does digest much easier. BUT I'm following instructions - Its just hard to live on chicken alone!
I'm a carnivore, dangit! haha
Looking forward to that sirloin
So almost 2 weeks ago, I ordered protein powder from SEI Nutrition. The Protein Max powder that everyone seems to rave about. Well, they took my 100 bucks, but gosh - I never got the protein powder. I've tried calling them dozens of times, emailed them, sent them questions through their website - NOTHING. Finally on Friday I speak to some really snotty customer service rep who I then ask to transfer me to a supervisor - she says there isn't one and that she would have the supervisor call me - I told her that I doubted that would happen but waited for the call anyway - I told them that if I didn't receive the product, I was going to have my credit card company deal with them. No phonecall, of course. I call today and ask her why I didn't receive a call and she said I never asked for one - which I did. She then tells me that she cancelled my order but won't issue a refund because I threatened to have my credit card company deal with it. Well DUH what did she expect me to do, just give them 100 bucks and not care that I didn't receive my order? So now I have to go to my credit card company, and because I did authorize the charge, its taking forever to get the money back. Not only that, I don't have any protein powder to use. I'm so pissed right now.
109 lbs gone in less than 6 months. I'm very happy about that. I'm wearing clothes I haven't worn in years (thank god I saved them) and I feel really great. I need to work out more. I know that being more active because I can helps a lot, but I need to do the extra too. I'm so satisified with my decision on this surgery. I have ZERO regrets. I don't even regret that I didn't have it done sooner really because I think my experience wouldn't have been as great as it was with Dr. Almanza.
I have had zero complications - I've not overeaten, I've not had any dumping or reactions to food. If I crave something, I have a bite and either throw the rest away or give it to my hubby to finish and I'm satisfied. I've never really had an overeating problems since I was a teenager (which wasn't about anything other than being starved by my mother) - once I dealt with that, it wasn't ever a problem.
Now its more about eating all the protein that I can fit in my stomach. I take my vitamins as well. I know I need to get more veggies in and I do try. I feel that I'm on a good path and I'm looking forward to staying on it.
I'm now 2 weeks out and I've lost 14 lbs since surgery, 36 since i started my pre-op.
I'm feeling pretty good about it. I wish it was more, but we all wish that, don't we?
I also have my time of month, so I know that's probably good for about 3-5 lbs.
I have noticed, as my endo said I would that the adrenaline issues from the tumors on my adrenal glands is significantly LESS. The adrenaline created is partly in response to the grehlin created in the stomach. Hormones cause other hormones to do other hormonal things.
When a person feels hungry, they have a survival instinct that kicks in brought about by adrenaline. Huh. makes sense.
Happy with my progress thus far. Happy with my choice. Happy with my recovery. Just getting very happy these days
I know I'm about ready for the 3 week stall, which I'm okay with. Its not like I can eat a cheesecake over it
I'm just a little over 3 weeks away from surgery. I'm nervous/excited. I started stocking up on soups and whatnot for my "clear liquids" portion of the process. I'm not a very good broth-eater, but I'll do it! Still waiting on my passport to get here - I have to renew my drivers license because that expires at the same time - UGH! What a pain!
Well, when someone isn't my friend, I don't talk to them So I'll be giving my scale the silent treatment and let it think about what it has done. Once I feel that it has given it enough thought, we'll try again
Work is driving me batshit crazy - so tired of always being at home (I work from home)
Can't wait to get a new job.
Food has been really good - water could probably be a little better. I'm meeting the minimum, but I need to do better than that. Working on it
I have officially tired of chicken. This has lead me to find new dinner ideas - and even go back to some old staples. I made hommade pizza for dinner. This was about the only thing my step mom ever made for dinner that was tasty. I never tire of it. Its got so much meaty and veggie goodness on it. I just don't eat the crust. The pizza is about an inch thick - just piled high with lean meats and veggies and some cheese. My hubby loves it and he eats the crust too - I make it at home and he loves it works out great
Our other thing is Applebees or Ruby Tuesday. Applebees has great steaks I usually get the garlic sirloin with broccoli and sauteed mushrooms and onions. The whole meal is about 500 calories and its about 3-4 meals for me. Yesterday we ordered and the hubby went to go get - they screwed up on our meals so they replaced them, so now we have tons of leftovers in the fridge. One thing I never get tired of is red meat - and considering I get anemic so easily, I'm not going to complain about all that yummy goodness in the fridge
I cannot wait til hunting season. I will be filling my freezer with elk and mule deer. Hopefully, we'll have a chance at a bison as well. If I never have to eat meat from a store again, I'll be happy
I do have a confession though - I'm not a big infomercial person, but I did buy a nu-wave oven. I thought it would be good for the hubby when he was travelling in hotel rooms to be able to cook something quickly, etc. Well - I LOVE the damn thing. You can do anything in it! If you warm something up - like takeout or whatever, it tastes EXACTLY like it did when you first got it. I'm in love with the thing. Oh- and you can also cook frozen meat in it and its delicious. I think that's my favorite - forgetting to pull something out for dinner and resorting to pizza or fast food is no longer an excuse - pop in a frozen steak or something and its good to go
Wow 10 days to go - I've kinda got butterflies in my stomach. I was trying to remember back to how I felt with my last surgery - I had a very large tumor removed from my breast a little over a year ago - there was so much other crap going on tho, I didn't really have time to worry about the procedure - and I was awake for it. I also was in my hometown and went home 20 minutes after the procedure - (I sat up as they were wheeling me to recovery, enjoyed the ride and had some crackers and ginger ale literally on the ride from the OR to recovery. They monitored me for 10 minutes, I got dressed and left. I'm pretty good at the recovery stuff. I know it won't be that easy this time, but hopefully, it'll be on the easier side
I'm wondering - for those that have had the sleeve - do you actually feel like...empty? Like you're missing something physically out of your body?
So I work at home and I'm so fantastically bored with it. Tired of staring at the same walls and having no human interaction. I've been sending resumes out and looking for a job outside the house. Its hard to take something that's nearly 1/2 the pay though. Hoping to find something that gets my butt outta the house more often very soon!
Yup. I'm NOT good with feeling hungry and it has turned me into a...well...b***h. Low blood sugar and no food in my belly makes for one irritable chica. Only a few more days!
I keep thinking I could do just some egg beaters - it was allowed on the previous doc that I saw preop diet! *flail* But no, this doc doesn't allow it. Although I may ask him why and if it would be something he would consider adding for future patients - might help stave off cheating for a lot of people just to have that "solid" feeling.
Only a couple more days of this! I can do this! Hope my husband can survive. I know I need to buy him something shiney for putting up with me haha.
So the area around my incisions itch - not the incisions themselves, but the areas that still have tape residue that I can't seem to get off. This is just plain torture lol. A little gold bond and I think I'll be ok
I'm down over 30 lbs since I started my preop. I feel great about that. I'm eating okay and getting in a walk every day. stitches come out tomorrow. Yay!
In 30 days I will be giving myself the best tool I can find to get my life back. I have tried for a couple of years now to work with insurance companies and it just didn't work out. Either they didn't cover the procedure, didn't deem it medically necessary, or I lost my insurance as soon as I got approval, or my employer didn't pay my insurance premiums - its just been one thing after another. I tried 5 times with insurance companies. Not always their fault, certainly not mine. This time, I've got the power in my own hands. I have the funds to do it myself (pay for the surgery, not perform the surgery - although I would if they would let me! haha) I'll be heading to Mexico the day after my birthday to have the surgery. Dr. Almanza will be performing it. I have done a TON of research. I know that this is the best option for me. I probably won't stay in the recovery house, but at the hotel with my husband. I can't stand being around people when I don't feel well - especially if they don't feel well too. I would like to have my husband be comfortable and he won't be unless he's WITH me. I understand that I will be in a surgical clinic - I'm fine with that - in fact, I prefer it. Hospitals are the biggest source of infections there is - why? because there's SICK people there! I don't feel I need an ICU on hand. I don't have any comorbidities to worry about. I'm actually in relatively good health now that I'm past the heavy metal poisoning and unfortunately I'm left with about 200 lbs extra of me from the aftermath of the treatment of chelation and steroids. I of course didn't help matters - I was weak and couldn't exercise. I was pumped full of steroids and was unsatiably hungry at all times. I made poor food choices a lot of the time. Would I still be in this situation if I had made the best food choices? Yes. But probably not as bad. In conjunction with my surgery, I'll have additional treatment for all the steroid damage. I'm looking forward to getting my life back. It hasn't been all that long that I've been without it. This all started in late 2007. So its been 4 years. 4 years since I've been a size 10. 4 years since I ran 5 miles a day. 4 years since my husband looked at me like I was absolutely the only person on the planet besides him. 4 years since I've had the confidence to be who I am. I can't wait to have that back. Just recently, I've realized my actual size. Wow did that hit me hard. Before, and sometimes still, I feel myself to be a "normal" sized person. Hopefully that will help with body image issues. My body was never perfect, but I was comfortable with it. That's all I want to be - healthy, active, and comfortable. Here's to that goal.
Its been a while since I've been here - I've been trying to pop in once in a while when I get the chance, but I've been so busy! I have now officially dropped over 70 lbs since I started my preop, and over 50 since surgery 3 months ago. I have had no complications, my skin is bouncing back thus far (I know I'll need to have some work done later but I'm good with that) - I have energy, I have enthusiasm and I have the best future ahead of me.
I have been staying away from the scale - about every 3 weeks I weigh myself. I weighed myself the other day and I was at 314, and that's with a few pounds of bloat since its that time of the month. I'll weigh myself again in a few weeks to see where I'm at - I don't wanna see a 3 as that first number the next time I step on the scale.
I haven't had much opportunity to really incorporate additional exercise other than being a billion times more active than normal to my routine, but I'm getting there. As soon as i was able to, I of course tweaked my shoulder. But I'm feeling better and will be getting the exercise roaring very soon.
I have noticed some of my tastes change - I still crave red meat - that will never change. The large majority of what I eat has always been lean protein, but now....those "guilty pleasure" items - mac and cheese, potatoes, anything really starchy just doesn't do it for me anymore. I really dig that. Hubby and I went out to breakfast at Cracker Barrel and I had their egg sandwich, which I ate the 2 eggs and had a bite of the hashbrown casserole and a small bite of hubby's pancakes and they just didn't satisfy me - I just wanted the eggs!
Wow - i just got distracted by Maks on DWTS - (watching the results show on the DVR and he was dancing to "Let's get it on" good thing watching him dance is calorie free - in fact I think I just burned a few calories watching that! haha!)
Anyway! back to what I was saying! I've gone down in clothes sizes, I have the steering wheel all the way down in the car (my legs used to hit it), I sit in booths and feel small in them, there ain't a chair my butt won't fit in and I even sleep better and don't need as much sleep as I did for so long, I fit comfortably in the bathtub to take a bath (one of my favorite things) I'm wearing clothes I havent worn in years. I put on a pair of heels and not only did they fit my feet, they didn't hurt my feet. I'm getting my shoes back! Yay! Right now, I weigh less than I have in about 4 years. I cannot believe the progress. Once I got those f**king tumors out of my body, I'm feeling so much better - the only rage I have is that I couldn't get it done sooner. However, I have come to terms with that for the most part. I think that with the breast cancer scare, the steroid tumors, nearly losing my marriage, all the trials and tribulations that my husband and I went through with losing our jobs and our employer stealing tens of thousands of dollars from us has made us stronger individually and as a couple. Nothing in my life that I wanted has EVER come easily - but I tell you what - I have more appreciation for everything I have brought to myself than most people I know - and I will FIGHT for it. I cannot describe what all of these battles have done for me as a person. I'm glad that I got to know so many people here. I'm glad that I had the surgeon I did. While I'm not glad that our previous employer stole so much money from us, I'm glad of the outcome that we ended up where we did with the careers that we have now.
I am decidedly in love with my husband and we love our life and what we have to offer to the world. We can't wait to see what happens next. Many that I talk to about this wonder how having to have surgery to have tumors and the majority of my stomach removed could be the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. I just smile and tell them that they haven't lived my life
What I do know is that life is good and its getting GREAT
If you can't tell - I'm very excited about the future.
So, last night I had an adrenal attack. Basically, I have a panic attack, but without the mental aspect of it. It lasted about 12 hours. Its extremely painful and the only thing that seems to ease the pain is extremely hot water. Even the hot tub wasn't hot enough. I'm extremely exhausted now because of the lack of sleep. Its amazing how much pain something so small as an adrenal tumor can cause. After I have my sleeve, I'll be scheduled for additional treatment for the tumors. I cannot wait for that to happen. This surgery has more of an effect on things than my weight. My doctor is hoping that it will help to restore my thyroid function as well as help with the PCOS and allow better treatment for my insomnia and endometriosis - most of which was caused by the steroid treatments I was on for years. So here's to getting all of this started and solved!
I'm not near goal. I'm well on my way though. About the halfway point. I have dropped 17 points from my BMI. I drop another 17 points and I'll be extremely happy I'm pretty happy now, don't get me wrong - I keep seeing progress. I know I need to get busier with exercise and I am actually - I do a ton more now. Workout regimen is coming together and will be put into action. My back is feeling so much better. Between the intolerable heat and my busy schedule, I wasn't able to really do too much as far as actual "workouts" but hiking in the mountains and running all over the place, shopping, cleaning, taking the dogs for walks, and playing outside has really increased my activity levels
So hubby wants to go out to dinner tonite with friends from work. It REALLY bothers me. I haven't met anyone he works with yet - we just moved here and I'm really not comfortable in my own skin around people in the condition I'm in. I have never in my life been uncomfortable around people. I have no idea how to deal with this. I mean, I don't want to be the fat girl at the table. I don't want them to go back to work and say "woah - have you met her? She's really FAT!". I know I should have some faith in people but even some of my husband's friends have made comments about me and about how they thought my husband should leave me because I was ill and then getting fat. No, he doesn't hang out with these people anymore. I'm just tired of explaining to people - not that I owe them anything, but I feel the need to. I mean, I avoided one of my dear friends for 4 years because the last time he saw me I was rockin' a bathing suit on a canoe trip and a year later, I'm twice the size I was. I couldn't face him - I think mostly because I don't understand how this really happened. They told me I would be in treatment for 6 months. Well, here it is 4 and a half years later and those treatments have given me steroid-secreting tumors that have caused so many problems. I have come to terms with what happened - I get that I have to be the one to fix it - and that's what I'm doing. I'm just trying to get a new start without the judging of other people who have NO IDEA where I've been and what I have gone through and still continue to go through.
But I'm going to dinner. I have to continue to have some faith in people. Here's my first chance.
