Found all of my old clothes - I kept the ones that are standards - and they're not that old - 4 years isn't a long time for business suits and the like. Lots of pencil skirts and jackets. I had a great time going through them. I found a belt that I bought on a trip the week before i got sick - when I was at my optimal health. You can see on the belt where i wore it at. I have set this aside as my goal. Its not about a number on the scale, I wanna wear that belt again! It was fun to go through all of the clothes and remember wearing them and focusing on wearing them again I have every size between where I'm at now and a size 6
So my weight started moving again - 339 this morning. That's 25 lbs since surgery in a little over 5 weeks with 3 periods in that time lol. Total of 47 lbs lost. I'm feeling pretty good about that
Could it be more? heck yeah! But could it be less? thank god its not!
I'm eating turkey meatballs in cream of mushroom gravy. A fave when I was a kid. Very yummeh.
Excited about going to Texas - gonna see some old friends. Got a good gameplan for food and exercise. Just gonna keep on track
So I tripped and smacked my tummy into the desk (not hard) but it actually opened one of my incisions back up. Its not bleeding or anything - just well, an open incision - so now I gotta go get some more butterflies to get it closed again (I have some on it now but I'll want to be able to keep them on)
If this is my setback then hell yeah - I'll take it!
so I have to go to Texas for work - which means hotel living. My coworker booked himself in a 229/per night hotel because its "close" to our worksite. I, on the other hand booked myself in a 119/night extended stay 6 miles from the worksite which has a full kitchen in it, allowing me to cook for myself instead of eating out
When I get there, I'll run to Sam's or Costco and get my protein shakes and some initial food to start with and be on my way. I made sure the hotel has a gym and a pool - although the pool is outdoor, its texas and heated, so that's good.
I'm excited to have a more interesting project at work. I'm extra excited because I'll be able to visit my best friend of 31 years, as well as some other friends As much as I said I never wanted to go back to texas, I'm glad to go there for this project - its about 2 months and then I'll get another project here. I'm excited about getting back to a project that doesn't bore me to death!
I'll have lots of time for exercise and fun stuff. I'm happy about it
Well, when someone isn't my friend, I don't talk to them So I'll be giving my scale the silent treatment and let it think about what it has done. Once I feel that it has given it enough thought, we'll try again
Work is driving me batshit crazy - so tired of always being at home (I work from home)
Can't wait to get a new job.
Food has been really good - water could probably be a little better. I'm meeting the minimum, but I need to do better than that. Working on it
Today was my birthday - in 36 years old and 2 days away from the second biggest life changer so far. The first was getting sick. This one though, will change my life for the better. It's actually going to give me back what I desperately want - my health. I leave tomorrow for San Diego. Looking forward to just getting the ball rolling more smoothly down the hill.
I don't know how many others are having surgery that day, other than one person I met here! I'm sure I'll be last, or close to last, as I have a very high BMI- and that's ok - I'm prepared for that. Wouldnt mind being first tho - but I'll wait my turn
I'm here in San Diego. I eventful flight - however, I did buy the "extra seat for a person of size" and of course I didn't need the damn thing, I fit in the seat just fine. They said they would refund me so I'm cool with it. So a little victory there I. Itself. I havent flown since before I got sick - so I just didn't know. I was shocked that I did fit in the seat, armrest down, etc because so many standard seats are tough to take.
Anyway - I can't sleep. I'm nervous.... I keep running through my mind and wondering what I'm doing here!?!? Guess its just some last minute jitters and the hunger talking. Knowing that I'm a high BMI and knowing that puts me toward the end of the day sucks too, but it is what it is... End result is my health and happiness.
It's just hard to be in San Diego, where one of my oldest friends lives- I didn't know how I was going to handle being so close to him and not seeing him- it's been since 1999 since I have seen him.... But he and his wife are up in the bay area visiting a couple other friends of ours so it's like it was meant to be!
Hubby is snoring away in the bed next to me. I'd like to sleep but it just doesnt wanna happen. I wanna get up early, get a shower and go put my feet in the ocean for a minute. Then I will head for the airport and continue on my journey. I hate this no water after midnight thing - it sucks.
So I'm going back to Texas for a couple of months for work. I swore I wouldn't go back there - its where I got sick - but knowing is half the battle, right? Well, hopefully things go well - I'm going to be there for a few weeks, then home for a few days, then back and forth for a couple months. Exciting stuff.
In 30 days I will be giving myself the best tool I can find to get my life back. I have tried for a couple of years now to work with insurance companies and it just didn't work out. Either they didn't cover the procedure, didn't deem it medically necessary, or I lost my insurance as soon as I got approval, or my employer didn't pay my insurance premiums - its just been one thing after another. I tried 5 times with insurance companies. Not always their fault, certainly not mine. This time, I've got the power in my own hands. I have the funds to do it myself (pay for the surgery, not perform the surgery - although I would if they would let me! haha) I'll be heading to Mexico the day after my birthday to have the surgery. Dr. Almanza will be performing it. I have done a TON of research. I know that this is the best option for me. I probably won't stay in the recovery house, but at the hotel with my husband. I can't stand being around people when I don't feel well - especially if they don't feel well too. I would like to have my husband be comfortable and he won't be unless he's WITH me. I understand that I will be in a surgical clinic - I'm fine with that - in fact, I prefer it. Hospitals are the biggest source of infections there is - why? because there's SICK people there! I don't feel I need an ICU on hand. I don't have any comorbidities to worry about. I'm actually in relatively good health now that I'm past the heavy metal poisoning and unfortunately I'm left with about 200 lbs extra of me from the aftermath of the treatment of chelation and steroids. I of course didn't help matters - I was weak and couldn't exercise. I was pumped full of steroids and was unsatiably hungry at all times. I made poor food choices a lot of the time. Would I still be in this situation if I had made the best food choices? Yes. But probably not as bad. In conjunction with my surgery, I'll have additional treatment for all the steroid damage. I'm looking forward to getting my life back. It hasn't been all that long that I've been without it. This all started in late 2007. So its been 4 years. 4 years since I've been a size 10. 4 years since I ran 5 miles a day. 4 years since my husband looked at me like I was absolutely the only person on the planet besides him. 4 years since I've had the confidence to be who I am. I can't wait to have that back. Just recently, I've realized my actual size. Wow did that hit me hard. Before, and sometimes still, I feel myself to be a "normal" sized person. Hopefully that will help with body image issues. My body was never perfect, but I was comfortable with it. That's all I want to be - healthy, active, and comfortable. Here's to that goal.
I'm still feeling the effects from my adrenal attack the other night I'm still quite tired and weak - food doesn't sit all that well (which means I'm not eating much, so I guess there's a positive side haha), but I'm nauseous too. This is typical but usually doesn't last this long after. Its really hard to concentrate on work when you feel like this! Good thing I'm an understanding boss!
So almost 2 weeks ago, I ordered protein powder from SEI Nutrition. The Protein Max powder that everyone seems to rave about. Well, they took my 100 bucks, but gosh - I never got the protein powder. I've tried calling them dozens of times, emailed them, sent them questions through their website - NOTHING. Finally on Friday I speak to some really snotty customer service rep who I then ask to transfer me to a supervisor - she says there isn't one and that she would have the supervisor call me - I told her that I doubted that would happen but waited for the call anyway - I told them that if I didn't receive the product, I was going to have my credit card company deal with them. No phonecall, of course. I call today and ask her why I didn't receive a call and she said I never asked for one - which I did. She then tells me that she cancelled my order but won't issue a refund because I threatened to have my credit card company deal with it. Well DUH what did she expect me to do, just give them 100 bucks and not care that I didn't receive my order? So now I have to go to my credit card company, and because I did authorize the charge, its taking forever to get the money back. Not only that, I don't have any protein powder to use. I'm so pissed right now.
So hubby wants to go out to dinner tonite with friends from work. It REALLY bothers me. I haven't met anyone he works with yet - we just moved here and I'm really not comfortable in my own skin around people in the condition I'm in. I have never in my life been uncomfortable around people. I have no idea how to deal with this. I mean, I don't want to be the fat girl at the table. I don't want them to go back to work and say "woah - have you met her? She's really FAT!". I know I should have some faith in people but even some of my husband's friends have made comments about me and about how they thought my husband should leave me because I was ill and then getting fat. No, he doesn't hang out with these people anymore. I'm just tired of explaining to people - not that I owe them anything, but I feel the need to. I mean, I avoided one of my dear friends for 4 years because the last time he saw me I was rockin' a bathing suit on a canoe trip and a year later, I'm twice the size I was. I couldn't face him - I think mostly because I don't understand how this really happened. They told me I would be in treatment for 6 months. Well, here it is 4 and a half years later and those treatments have given me steroid-secreting tumors that have caused so many problems. I have come to terms with what happened - I get that I have to be the one to fix it - and that's what I'm doing. I'm just trying to get a new start without the judging of other people who have NO IDEA where I've been and what I have gone through and still continue to go through.
But I'm going to dinner. I have to continue to have some faith in people. Here's my first chance.
I'm one day post-op and I feel like a million bucks. I'm sore of course, but I haven't taken any pain medicine all day - I figure if my menstrual cramps were this bad, I wouldn't take pain meds for them, so why for this? All in all, I feel pretty good - its hard to get comfortable for me because i'm a stomach sleeper - well - at least I won't be for a while.
We checked in at the hotel and its a beautiful room - just kinda haning out - hubby is snoozing - I took a little nap. Time seems to crawl by - I have to be back at the clinic for a checkup at 5- they come to get us.
I swear if the peope at the clinc were any nicer, they'd melt in the rain like sugar. I can't get over how they are so genuinely sweet. They don't condescend to you, they don't forget about you. They're really there to take care of you.
I'm now to the point where I can sip water, but I still feel pretty hydrated from the iv's.
I cannot wait to take a shower. Hopefully that will be tonite.
I'm still a little gassy, but nothing spectacular. I'm hoping to sleep through the night, but don't have any expectations to. Again, that's just me - I'm an insomniac.
Oh - and everyone at the clinic is just gorgeous. Inside and out.
I love their fit menu. You can get a steak with sauteed mushrooms and onions, some creamed spinach in a portabello mushroom cap, and potatoes (or sub broccoli or another veggie) for like 14 bucks and its 3 meals - a TOTAL of 550 calories.
My sleeve LOVES beef. LOVES it. Because its a grilled sirloin, its a low fat cut of meat as well - which is even better. That's what I had for dinner last night - and what I'm having for lunch now.
I'm very glad to be eating red meat again - I get anemic very easily and I'd much rather get iron naturally than take supplements. Most mineral supplements have copper in them and I can't have it. Its hard to find a pure iron supplement that doesn't use copper as a binder.
So, last night I had an adrenal attack. Basically, I have a panic attack, but without the mental aspect of it. It lasted about 12 hours. Its extremely painful and the only thing that seems to ease the pain is extremely hot water. Even the hot tub wasn't hot enough. I'm extremely exhausted now because of the lack of sleep. Its amazing how much pain something so small as an adrenal tumor can cause. After I have my sleeve, I'll be scheduled for additional treatment for the tumors. I cannot wait for that to happen. This surgery has more of an effect on things than my weight. My doctor is hoping that it will help to restore my thyroid function as well as help with the PCOS and allow better treatment for my insomnia and endometriosis - most of which was caused by the steroid treatments I was on for years. So here's to getting all of this started and solved!
1. Protein powder ordered and actually on its way.
2. Mini toiletries - getting tonite at Walgreens
3. Liquid diet items purchased for both pre and post op
4. Gas-X strips finally found!
5. Comfy clothes chosen
6. Carry on bags found.
7. Decide which technology to take. (I'm thinking just phone and kindle
8. Flights confirmed
9. Need to make hotel reservation for San Diego
10. Passport cards in hand!
11. Doggy-sitter arranged!
12. Ready to go!
Holy crow! One week left and I'll be on the losers bench! The best part about the losers bench is, because we're all shrinking, there's always room being made I'm excited and a tad nervous, as anyone would be - but mostly anxious to just GET. THE. BALL. ROLLING. Its been a looooooong time coming!
Couldn't sleep last night - usually about once a month I get a week where I just plain don't sleep. Looks like its this week - so I'll be tired before surgery, which means I'll sleep well after and recover nicely Keeping positive thoughts!
Tomorrow starts my completely all liquid diet. I've been working my way to it, trying to make it easier - hopefully that has helped. I did have a little bit of a "food funeral" last night - had a couple of biscuits at Ruby tuesday with my chicken and mushrooms. Couldn't finish it all so the rest was lunch today - but I stayed low fat and did well Not really a funeral but maybe a nostalgic look back? lol.
Game On!
I'm anxious to get back to beef. I miss eating steak. I know a big reason that beef is a later food is because its harder to digest, however, because i eat my beef/bison/venison pittsburgh rare, It does digest much easier. BUT I'm following instructions - Its just hard to live on chicken alone!
I'm a carnivore, dangit! haha
Looking forward to that sirloin
So I work at home and I'm so fantastically bored with it. Tired of staring at the same walls and having no human interaction. I've been sending resumes out and looking for a job outside the house. Its hard to take something that's nearly 1/2 the pay though. Hoping to find something that gets my butt outta the house more often very soon!
I'm just a little over 3 weeks away from surgery. I'm nervous/excited. I started stocking up on soups and whatnot for my "clear liquids" portion of the process. I'm not a very good broth-eater, but I'll do it! Still waiting on my passport to get here - I have to renew my drivers license because that expires at the same time - UGH! What a pain!
Its so flippin hard to think of anything else. Its just a few days away - do I have everything I need? Did I triple-confirm my reservations? Is the dog sitter going to be okay? What time do I need to leave for the airport? Will my husband get off work in time to make the flight???? All of these things are fine but I still keep rehashing them. I still keep looking for information on how to make things go more smoothly. Am I prepared for when I get back? Yep - I am. Treadmill is set up and working just fine, hubby has a few things he has to get to before we leave. Hopefully he gets them done or I'm gonna be one angry mama!
Ya know, I really hate it when I give someone explicit instructions - even WRITE THEM DOWN about what I can eat and they don't follow them and then get pissy at ME because they don't follow instructions. Don't volunteer yourself to go get lunch if you're not going to pay attention. Knowing I have specific food requirements, you should probably pay attention. I didn't write it down because I'm trying to annoy you, I'm trying to do things right. If you don't want to do them right, don't volunteer to do them. I get that mistakes are made - no big deal, but then to get pissy and lash out at ME because you can't seem to handle it - that ain't gonna fly.
So the area around my incisions itch - not the incisions themselves, but the areas that still have tape residue that I can't seem to get off. This is just plain torture lol. A little gold bond and I think I'll be ok
Yup. I'm NOT good with feeling hungry and it has turned me into a...well...b***h. Low blood sugar and no food in my belly makes for one irritable chica. Only a few more days!
I keep thinking I could do just some egg beaters - it was allowed on the previous doc that I saw preop diet! *flail* But no, this doc doesn't allow it. Although I may ask him why and if it would be something he would consider adding for future patients - might help stave off cheating for a lot of people just to have that "solid" feeling.
Only a couple more days of this! I can do this! Hope my husband can survive. I know I need to buy him something shiney for putting up with me haha.
Frankly, I'm too busy out enjoying my life to be here! Down 118 lbs in just over 6 months. Excited about life. Love the way I'm starting to look. LOVE the way I feel. Love that I am NEVER home! Working a lot, playing even more
I'm so very excited about getting my life back. Still no complications. I weigh myself about every 3-4 weeks I think. I'm happy every time I step on the scale because it ALWAYS goes down. I eat about 4-5 oz max at a meal of protein.
For those of you struggling with the decision on this surgery - only you can decide if its right for you. But if you're wanting your life back, and wanting to experience LIFE as its meant to be - this may be the answer for you. It has brought the REAL me back to myself, my family and my friends.
I'm just too busy loving life to be here! But I do check in from time to time - if anyone has questions, I'm more than happy to answer them!
LOVE!
