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About this blog

making my way through my new life.

Entries in this blog

 

Rewriting The Old Lies.

I've noticed that I have these certain scripts that I go to constantly. I have learned that I can "get away" with semi-solid foods even though it's not past two weeks yet. So, I say to myself (or try to rationalize) that this is completely ok, and that it's not fair that my family can have sweets and whatnot when I can't. So my resolve falters and I find myself in my room on my bed, crying because I'm a failure (or so i have labeled myself).   The other thing I find is that so often things happen so fast that I can't seem to get a handle on them. It was like this even before my surgery, and I don't quite know why I thought it would change after, because it certainly hasn't. I find myself saying my scripts, and before I know it, the deed is done, and I can't take it back.   So what do I do? What is the solution for a Jesus girl (term I LOVE--from Lysa Terkeurst's "Made to Crave") like me?   I've been praying about it, and I'm still not quite sure. Except maybe for praying scripture, and tearing myself away from the situation. Also, I think writing in my journal would help--I'm kind of an obsessive writer... and writing in my journal is one of the biggest ways I am able to feel free enough to pray.   But I think the solution is probably in prevention. Seeing a thought coming, being on guard all the time, and praying for God's strength to see me through. Because I can't fool myself into thinking that I can do this on my own. It's not possible. I need divine willpower, and a shield made of miracles. And God is the only One who can provide those things for me.   Anyway, those were just some thoughts I've been having..   If there are any prayer requests, I would love to take the time to pray for you. Erica
lifestartingnow

lifestartingnow

3
 

Good Day. (1 Week Post Op)

Today has been a very good day. I'm on track with my protein and water intake, so I'm pretty pumped about that. I stepped on the scale today and found that I've lost 15 pounds this week. It's so surreal. I feel like I can DO this. I haven't felt like that in a very long time--or ever.   There are no words to express how thankful I am that my worth is not defined by the number on the scale--even on good days like this. It's a good encouragement, and a good motivator, but I'm so glad that God has my worth in His hands. I'm so encouraged (and amazed) by the fact that He loved me when I was at my highest, and he loves me now that I'm on the "right track".
lifestartingnow

lifestartingnow

3
 

Emotions (8 Days Post Op)

Isn't it so funny how our emotions play games on us? This morning, I was on top of the world, and now I seem to be in the pit. I messed up on my diet, and now I'm having a hard time restraining the emotional abuse that I want so badly to unleash upon myself.   I guess all I can do is learn from this experience, and move on. I can't very well change what happened, but I CAN change how I react to it. I will choose to treat myself with kindness, and view this situation with eyes of grace.   God, I pray for everyone who is struggling today. I pray that you put this mishap in perspective for me, and that you'll remind everyone on here that they are so loved by you. This, too, was foreseen. It wasn't surprising to you, so God let us take comfort in the fact that YOU know what is going on. You know where the light at the end of the tunnel is. And even more, YOU are our light NOW. We don't have to wait until we're home to have that.   I hope everyone is thriving today.   Erica
lifestartingnow

lifestartingnow

5
 

6 Days Post-op.

Christmas is stressful, being in the 2 week liquid phase. I ate a cookie because i was food-lusting so terribly--BAD IDEA. I'm now just going back to the book "made to crave" by Lysa Terkeurst, and reminding myself that this is a physical AND spiritual journey that requires big changes. If I think of my situation as deprived, that will color the rest of my life. So I'm choosing to view this new challenge as a new lease on life, tons of new opportunities, and freedom from the chains that have held me captive for so long. I know that this will NOT be easy--I've only had a small taste of what it's been like, and i already know it won't be easy--but so worth it. I'm just praying for patience with myself, the ability to SLOW DOWN, and think before i eat anything, and wisdom to make good choices.   Erica
lifestartingnow

lifestartingnow

2
 

Sunshine

Today has been a very blessed day so far. I think God plants little gifts in my life along the way, so that when I stumble upon one of them, I gain hope and encouragement. My thankful list for today is: The sun is out My parents and sister have been supporting me through this 100%. I get to eat normal-ish food. I'm going to see the new Sherlock Holmes today!! I have an amazing woman as a walking buddy.   I think when we're thankful, life brightens up, and we stop thinking about ourselves and our situations. It redirects our selfishness into praise to God, and thankfulness for all He has done. I challenge you to make a list of five things you're thankful for, and spend some time praising the One who orchestrated them.   Praying for all of you today. Erica
lifestartingnow

lifestartingnow

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