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My VSG Journey

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Ferocious Frustration!

My first VSG blog and it's going to be a vent session. I am truly frustrated! Admittedly the frustration is with me. I am struggling with getting in the protein in and I don't know what to do. I am in the pureed stage and I Yesterday I almost reached the goal (60 grams) and had one cup of refried beans to go. They were tasty but at my 2nd spoonful they got stuck. Guess I was eating too fast or not chewing them up enough but they were very stuck. Fortunately, I haven't vomited since coming home but last night I was very close. After about 30 minutes of pacing the floor I drank some hot water, which helped to get the beans down but not with the wave of nausea. Today I'm back on the liquid train just so I can try to manage this well.   Also, I'm wondering why some people volunteer to help during this time and they don't do anything but cause frustration. I asked a co-worker to take the lead on a project during my recovery but nothing has gotten done. I consider the co-worker a friend and this situation really made me angry. Now my students won’t get something I really wanted to give them before the break.   Lastly, is the basis of all of my frustration. I really want to be the old me because it was so much easier than actually having to take care of myself. I have never really been so concerned about eating to live. Eating is a part of life so I just did it. Now what I consume is even more important than ever and I'm frustrated with feeling so restricted by my own needs. I want to be able to cook a chicken breast, chew it, swallow and be done. No puree, no liquid protein, nothing! I want to be able to make sure I get to see my students before Christmas and be able to orchestrate everything I need to for them without having to worry about adult issues. I simply want to put my needs behind me and take care of everything else first. It's what I've always done and how I've never managed to lose enough weight to become healthy. I keep praying and asking God to help me deal with me. I know I have to take this one day at a time but I need a breakthrough!   If you read this cazy vent please say a prayer for me. I know that prayer works and I have faith that I’ll pull through this rut of frustration.
cuteascanbelizzie

cuteascanbelizzie

10
 

Back To Life

Today was my first day back to work since my surgery on November 21, 2011. I didn't pass out or throw up which were my two worst fears about going back to work. I had enough energy to deal with the body slamming hugs of my middle school students and even an impromtu after-school meeting. I find myself watching the clock to time my students, my meals, drinks, and make sure I'm not off schedule for vitamins. I guess its kind of like riding a bike, you feel uneasy at first but you never really forget how. I had tons of energy until I sat down on my couch and now I'm ready to hibernate. I cheated and ate a small bag of chips (my last tempatation). I think I did well enough today that I can cheat a little. I'll probably pay for it later though since my new tummy doesn't really like greasy foods. Now I'm working on lunch and dinner for tomorrow and the next day. Things I used to cook and make into 2 portions I can now make into 4. Hopefully, I won't be so picky that I can't eat the leftovers. (I haven't liked leftovers too much since surgery.) I figure if I can plan at least one day ahead I can survive. I hope I don't get too caught up with regular life and lose focus.   On a different note, I got a quite a few compliments from my co-workers and a church friend yesterday. Apparently they can tell I've lost weight. I'm stalled at my initial 31 pound loss. I've attempted to resume my Wii workouts with Michael Jackson and now the Black Eyed Peas. I've also signed up for a couple of bootcamps via Living Social, Travel Zoo, and soon Groupon. I like the idea of working out with people and busting my ass at the same time. My goal is to keep a schedule of classes on my calendar so that I make time for me.   So there it is I'm back on the real life wagon post-sleevery. I'm nervous but, think I can do it. I'm calling myself the Little Lizzie that Can. I think I can, I think can..
cuteascanbelizzie

cuteascanbelizzie

1
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