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Agnosco

A blog by LadyIvy

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About this blog

A lifetime of analysis

Entries in this blog

 

I freakin did it!

Okay, I don't want to sound like an ad for e-cigs here, but they have been amazing. I quit for a month in June, suffered daily and gained a ridiculous amount of weight. I have quit for a few days about 4 times since then and being around smoker friends and stress always got to me. I decided to try the e-cig and just go for the 0 nicotine version. I had terrible withdrawl for the first 3 days, but it was all the physical yuckiness. Since then, I keep my e-cig filled and charged and I haven't really had any craving whatsoever. The guys at the company I buy from say that is what it was designed for, but most people do it backwards and start with the high mg and stairstep down. I felt like that was just prolonging the inevitable suffering so I just did it. I even went out with a friend the other night while she smoked and smoked my e-cig. Not for a second did I want what she had, in fact, the smell was TERRIBLE. I may carry it around for a long while yet, but it is like inhaling a fog machine with a little flavor. My husband and I are doing this together (again) and we didn't try to kill each other this time either. lol. Tonight at midnight will be 8 days and for the first time in my life I don't miss it AT ALL. I am finally a non-smoker. This one stuck. It feels amazing. There is one side effect that hasn't been pleasant. I can smell everything so much better and I am finding a lot of things that smell pretty bad. Whatever your method, when you find it, you will know it. I know you can all do it. You are all worried about your health and attempting to do something about it or you wouldn't be on this forum at all! GL!! If you decide to give it a shot, these are the people I used and they are awesome. http://www.esmokeronline.com/229.html
LadyIvy

LadyIvy

1
 

This is why I need the sleeve!

I have a very active job and am expected to wear jeans to work for safety reasons. Since we found that I have a blood pressure problem I have been put on medication. Problem is, the medication makes me sweat like a polar bear in the desert. Doesn't matter what I am doing, I sweat for the first few hours after I take it. I found that this weekend at work I developed horrible chafing between my thighs that made it painful to walk by the end of the day. I get all of my hours in 3 days, so this meant I had 2 more days to go like this! I tried powder, but it didn't seem to help. Today, since I was not working (which believe me is a heck of a workout most days) I decided to ride my bike. It was so painful! I am up to a half mile (which is an achievement from where I was two weeks ago) and I completed my ride. However, I am now in so much pain it is hard to walk much less consider working out tomorrow. At the rate this is going, I can clear up the chafing by Friday which is just in time to do it all over again! I'm trying really hard to get into the proper lifestyle and get my exercise daily. I have done it before, and know that I easily get addicted to the endorphins and quickly miss it if I don't work out for a day or two. This time it is really hard. It is already hard trying to get yourself back into shape carrying more than 100 lbs of extra weight (what is that, like a whole backstreet boy I carry on my shoulders every day?). I just don't know how I am supposed to do this when a work out causes excruciating pain. Seems like reinforcement NOT to work out. I just don't know what to do!!! First the skin condition and now this? I feel like I am blocked at every turn towards a healthy lifestyle.
LadyIvy

LadyIvy

2
 

Appointment with surgeon

Since I am still debating parts of having this surgery, I decided not to wait until just before surgery date to meet with surgeon for my barrage of questions. Made an appointment with Dr. McDermott on my 32nd birthday. Questions I have decided are decision makers:   Why would you have to switch to a bypass mid-surgery? (he mentioned having to sign a paper giving him permission to do this in life or death situation) Have you ever had to do that? What if down the road I get stomach cancer or esophogeal erosion? Where is the tissue for repair going to come from? Have you had anyone complain about decreased cognitive abilities after surgery? How often do you have to treat patients for severe acid reflux post op? Have you had any issues with post op esophogeal erosion or GERD?   Can you guys think of any other decision makers? I have a long list of other questions too, but those are for after the decision has been made. I will save them for pre-op visit. Stuff like: How much can I lift and when? When can I start using mederma on my scars? Bathing and showering regulations How long will I have drain in etc.
LadyIvy

LadyIvy

1
 

Worrying Myself

I have spent the past couple of days doing a plethora of research on bariatric surgery. I made sure to look at both the good and the bad. I am approved for surgery and want to make an informed decision. I simply do not like the idea of being a guinea pig and am wondering what will happen long term. I already struggle to a small extent with acid reflux and I don't want that to get worse. I don't mind taking medication for it if that is all I have to do. I am a bit worried, because it seems like surgery will be much more complicated if I develop esophageal or stomach issues in the future. I was also reading about a higher likelihood of my stomach twisting way down the line. I know that I need to do this for my health. There is no better option for me. My BP is out of control and I have had entirely too many family deaths due to heart complications. I want to be able to be active with my son and break the cycle of a sedentary, fat filled lifestyle that I was raised with. My best memories with my father all include food. He was a very big man and didn't get control of it until he had already begun to develop the diabetes that would eventually weaken his heart and cause his early death. The surgeon at the bariatric meeting also made a comment that I need to discuss with him. He said that I have to fill out a form saying that if some kind of emergency arises that he is allowed to perform a gastric bypass. I do NOT NOT NOT want a gastric bypass. I should have asked more questions, but at that point in time I was looking at a lap band and didn't really have interest in asking questions about the sleeve. I really want to know if it is just precautionary, or if he has ever actually had to do it. If it isn't going to kill me, I would rather he back out and not perform the procedure at all. These are the things that have been bugging me lately. My husband and I are both really concerned about my health and he just seems to have the most positive attitude about all of this. I tried to impress on him that this is permanent and there is no going back. Our discussions will continue. I have also asked for an early appointment with my surgeon so that I may discuss some of these fears. It may make me feel a ton better to get to know him and know his history better. It is hard to do internet research on military doctors. There just isn't much out there to find. I pray, but not regularly and have found myself doing it much more frequently for guidance on my decision.
LadyIvy

LadyIvy

0
 

No Water = Weight Gain

This is so frustrating. I have been working on developing the habits neccesary after my surgery which includes no water 30 minutes before, during, and 30 minutes after a meal. I haven't been drinking 15 minutes before and during and I have been making it about 10- 15 minutes after before I have to drink something. This is a big accomplishment for me. I have also been working on chewing my food very well. I still have to not allow myself to get distracted and do better with it when I eat alone. I will work on that too. I noticed that some of my changes seem to have resulted in me gaining weight. For example, now that I am focused on being sure that I get breakfast, my metabolism is higher so I am hungrier much more often throughout the day. Also, I have noticed that when I don't drink water during a meal, I need to eat much more to get the same feeling. I don't know what to do! I am bigger than I have ever been in my life and it only seems to be getting worse when I combine these habits. Not sure how to work on this.
LadyIvy

LadyIvy

2
 

A Long Wait

I got the word today that even though I am approved, I still have 25 people ahead of me. This means that I may not get my surgery until January. I am desperately trying to find the good in this:   1. It gives me time to adjust to my new lifestyle 2. I get a few extra months at my new job before I have to take off a couple of weeks. 3. It gives me more time to get adjusted to being a non-smoker. 4. I have lots of time to explore how I got so overweight in the first place without feeling rushed. 5. I get to enjoy the holidays without recovering from surgery. 6. I get to test out how I am going to handle the holidays on my new diet. 7. I get time to save the money necessary to make sure I have everything I need when time comes for the surgery. 8. I get time to work into my new exercise routine without being thrown off by surgery. 9. I get time to learn that I need to commit time to myself and learn to be a bit more laid back.   There are quite a few cons to this wait as well, as I am sure most of you know However, I am going to try not to focus on them since there is nothing I can do about it. Who knows? Since I am dealing with military insurance, it may not take as long as the estimate says.
LadyIvy

LadyIvy

1
 

Genetic Epiphany

I have been trying for years to change my lifestyle for the better. I absolutely love my family and would like to be around for them as long as possible. I have been making small changes for years (being more active, eating healthy) and trying to instill those habits on my kiddo. I decided to go ahead and get the VSG surgery and have finally been approved. How ironic would it be for me to go through a major surgery to help my health, yet continue to smoke? I quit back in June and have been on and off since. After about 6 weeks, I had put on so much weight I broke. Now that I have been approved, I can't use weight as an excuse, because the surgery will help me with this. However, I had an epiphany today. As I sit here (still wanting a cigarette) I am thinking about my future. I am thinking about graduate school next fall, the surgery, my family, even retirement plans. I realized that smoking doesn't fit into any of that anywhere. Yeah, its a great instant stress relief. I can find something else for that can't I? When I initially quit, I had the thought that I would get to go back once my surgery is healed. Why? Why would I do that? I want to live a healthier lifestyle overall. While I am not saying that I am perfect at it, why not go for it? I feel like I have done an injustice to my son. I have a ton of terrible habits and I have this picture of how I would like to be. Here I am, almost 32 and it is a daily fight to live the life I have thought about for more than a decade. Had I been raised prioritizing time for myself, maybe this wouldn't be such a struggle. I am already lucky that I quickly get addicted to exercise. Many people hate it daily, yet still do it because they want the benefits of a good workout. Had this been taught to me young, it would just be an ingrained thing that I do. Think about it, when you were learning to brush your teeth, did you want to do it? NO! Mom had to fight to make sure that not only did you do it, but you did a good job. Now as an adult, can you imagine leaving your house without brushing your teeth? Yuck right? Its the same with working out and living healthy. My son will already turn down cake for a big bowl of Lima beans. (okay, so once the beans are gone he will come back for the cake, but that's not the point). That is a big victory, made by small changes. One generation, literally holds in their hands the opportunity to shape the direction of an entire genetic lineage. If my son learns to never leave the house, exersize and becomes a smoker, he is likely to meet a girl with the same outlook on life. They live in their happy little, early death comfort zone and at some point, may even have kids. Do they then change everything they ever learned so that they can raise their kids right? Do they then have to suffer through what my husband and I are doing at the moment? They could, (after all, we are) or more likely, they stay in their comfort zone and teach the habits to my grand kids by example. They could be geniuses mentally, but maybe the grandkids get so big they can't walk a mile? What if there is a natural disaster? My entire lineage dies because they are too broken or weak to get away when a little physical activity could have saved their life. Also, lets say this unhealthy lifestyle continues. People who live unhealthy, tend to attract like minded people. This weakens our families genetics overall and my great great grand-kids start dying young of diabetes etc. Within 150 years my entire genetic lineage could no longer exist. Lets be honest, any of these things could happen even if my husband and I make huge lifestyle changes. My son could decide that he doesn't want to die young like his unhealthy parents and starts making some big changes. This is a possibility as well. Now, as crazy and paranoid as this seems, look at my logic here. The best way to describe it is by referring to a movie called idiocracy. If you haven't seen it, IMDB the summary, its an interesting premise. What I described is the potential for physiological idiocracy. At a bare minimum, I am more likely to be around longer with my family and have much more quality time. Then I have to ask myself, even if what I said is not the least bit logical, where do cigarettes fit in? What are the pros and cons? I can only think of one pro, yeah its a big one, but it doesn't outweigh all the cons. So in the end, smoking works against my families evolution. If I continue to smoke, I am actually choosing to lose the game of survival of the fittest for myself and my progeny. If I can get moving and start here, (biggest issue first) the ball will just keep rolling and I can slowly add the rest of the things that make for a healthy active adult lifestyle.
LadyIvy

LadyIvy

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