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Just starting a blog to possible give and get information on the gastric sleeve, and weight loss in general

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Don't tell God how Big your storm is, tell the Storm how Big your God is.....(KATEYEZ0208)

I've heard the quote before but in this time of my life i certainly didn't apply it. If there is anyone out there like me, having fear, doubt, and worry it is definitely time to STOP! I can think of a ton of reason why i shouldn't have bariatric surgery, but i can think of a ton of reasons why i should. My sister said to me the other day "IF YOU HAVE THE SURGERY YOU COULD DIE, IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE SURGERY YOU COULD DIE". Im gonna lay it out there, IM SCARED! Im scared of being cut, i'm scare of being sick, i'm scared of being put under and never waking up, im scared of sutures busting, or a leak or malfunction. I'm worried that i'm not making the right decision, that maybe i can still do it on my own. Yes if you can't tell I can be a worry wort! Its usually silent, i don't share it with anyone until it almost eats away at my insides and i just have a breakdown.   Has anybody else felt this way? I'm feel like im the only one who has felt this way, which i know i'm not!   Those words up there are soooo true, tell the storm how BIG YOUR GOD IS!!! Refuse to doubt, refuse to fear, TRUST IN GOD. This is not a decision i've taken lightly. Its not something i decided on yesterday. So why do i doubt, why do i fear? WHERE IS MY FAITH?   So from this day forward i vow to trust instead of doubt. I will believe instead of worry. I will remove fear and replace it with faith.   No matter what happens, i know EVERYTHING will work out fine
Sweet Toni

Sweet Toni

6
 

Biggest Loser Wake up call...Being fat is NOT funny!

So I am apologizing now for those of you who haven't watched the Biggest Loser episode for this week, but I’m just going to mention a few things. I got a total wakeup call this week watching the show. Time and time again I’ve used my weight to give people pleasure. I love to make people laugh and have always had a great sense of humor, and what better way to get past the uncomfortable awkwardness of being fat than to make people laugh about it, right!?       So this week on Biggest Loser, Vinnie, pulls his stomach out of his shirt and starts using his belly button as a mouth and calls his stomach Cecil. He jiggles it around, makes everyone laugh, EXCEPT for Dolvett his trainer.       I have found myself in some similar situation. No I don’t whip my stomach out and start talking with it, but I make funny jokes about my back fat, and rolls, and big thighs. EVERYONE GETS A GOOD LAUGH. But am I really laughing inside? Or am I actually crying inside.       You should’ve seen the faces they were showing on Dolvett, he was not happy at all. On his side interview he expressed how UNFUNNY being fat was. And made some very interesting points. Honestly I can’t remember which examples he actually used, so I’ll use my own. If it was Luekemia, would you laugh and make jokes? What about colon cancer, or MS?       Being fat is no laughing matter! So why do we do this to ourselves. Why do we try to ease our pain with jokes? Why do we laugh at other fat jokes that other people tell, far or skinny. AND YES I am going to use the word fat, and if you get offended I’m sorry. Why don’t we stick up for ourselves!!!!! Tell people it’s not funny! Tell ourselves it’s NOT funny!       We don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable, or change the mood cause we are hanging out with friends and it would make things awkward. Well you know what, FAT JOKES MAKE ME FEEL AWKWARD. Every time I hear this line I cringe “hahaha no she was big, like 300lbs big”. THAT’S ME!!!! Why do we go along with it, like the weight is not there. Like the health problems are not there. And trust me honey if you don’t have any, you will soon enough.       I get it people! I really do, sometimes it is funny to laugh about things, AT FIRST. Prime Example: A few years ago I went to an Amusement Park. I watched a slightly heavy girl get on a ride. She sat in the seat, and I watched at this ride operator tried to almost break her ribs to get the clap to shut. I laughed, saying under my breath “just stop and get off”. You could see the guy was trying his hardest and so was she to suck it in. All in all, it was funny AT THAT TIME. Until I realized I would NEVER want to be in that type of situation. Can you imagine the humiliation she felt? And everyone around her was thinking the same thing, she was too fat to ride the ride. In the end there was nothing funny about that AT ALL.       So what are we afraid of? Why are we scared to say “I’m not comfortable with my weight”. For me, it’s because of my number one fear. I say I’m offended by those words and someone actually saying to, WHY NOT DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? What will my answer be? How will I handle that question? Am I really doing everything in my power to change it, or am I making excuses.       Nothing about being fat is comfortable. But we deal! But one thing I believe we should do is take more pride in ourselves. No being obese is not a good thing, but we are doing everything in our power not be healthy! Let’s change it, let’s do something about it and stop laughing at it!       I had a talk with my sister the other day. We get along great but we are like oil and water, lol! We are both big girls. Have been for most of our teenage and adult lives. I’ve NEVER been okay being fat. But her she was fine. She said big and happy, until she got stroked out! She literally had a stroke at 30 yrs old (a mini stroke, but a STROKE!). She couldn’t believe it, and neither could I.       What’s funny about that? I thought about what Dolvett said and it hit me hard. I have very few big girls or guys as friends. But the ones I do have, let me tell you we just laugh it up sometimes. And I finally realized this week, being fat really isn’t funny.            
Sweet Toni

Sweet Toni

2
 

Bad Bedside Manner....Having Second Thoughts

So i had my consultation yesterday. It didn't go like i planned AT ALL. When I left I felt like i wanted to cry because i was so disatisfied and i guess my feelings were a bit hurt. I've been super nervous about this decision of having WLS. My coworker is going through the same process, same doctors office (different surgeon). She told me how her experience was GREAT! She felt great leaving her appointment. The doctor didn't make her feel rushed as she was asking questions and she felt very comfortable with him. So i figured my experience would be about the same.   Let me just say this, the center where i will be having my surgery is a center of excellence and well known throughout california. They perform hundreds of WLS surgeries a year and i am confident in their practice. Saying that, my doctor has BAD BEDSIDE MANNER. I say that because my consultation was NOTHING near the experience i thought it was going to be. I thought i was going to come out of that appointment feeling more positive about my experience and decision. And well i didn't, i almost left in tears.   So i am a person who wants answer. If i am nervous about anything i want details on how things are supposed to go and what i am and what you are going to be doing. So i had a TON of questions, yes written down and ready to go! Yes i can read blogs, forums, and information articles all day long but there's nothing like hearing it from the horses mouth.   I have a feeling i intimidated him. I'm quite sure he's never had anyone with this amount of questions. BUT I WANTED TO KNOW PEOPLE! So by the time i got through about 15 questions, you could tell he was getting frustrating. Crossed his legs, folded his arms, leaned back, and i just thought REALLY DUDE, THIS IS MY LIFE HERE? As soon as i flipped the page for another set of questions he has this shocked look and asks me "more?". YES I HAVE MORE! By that time i had gotten to nutritional questions, which he had suggested i take one of their 4 hour nutritional classes that they provide (not a bad idea). He clapped his hands at me, told me we needed to hurry it along, he had more patients to see. Umm it was almost 430pm and the office closed at 5pm. Hmmmmm i just had a hard time believing that, BUT maybe he did. So i skipped those and asked him a couple more out of spite. But they were honestly questions i wanted answers to, FROM A DOCTORS OPINION, i.e. "when can i start vigorously exercising?" ( i have a personal trainer so i REALLY needed to know).   So after that, i shut down. I was just disappointed. It wasn't a comforting appointment. You know? I didn't feel like he was EXCITED to be helping into the next stage of my life. Yes i know its not going to be a piece of cake, i know there are going to be major struggles but the last thing i thought would make me want to rethink having surgery is having a doctor who was sensative enough. Maybe i'm just being extra sensative. I've been really praying and thinking about this process. Making sure i am making the right decision. And i just thought going to this appointment would affirm my decision to have WLS and the sleeve inparticular.   Dont get me wrong, he answered some important questions for me and i believe he knows how to do his job. He just doesn't have very good bedside manner. Not that sensitive or comforting, you know? I don't wanna change doctors just because i feel like he doesnt have tact but i want to have a good experience going into this process. I want to have a good feeling about it. And i left out of that office feeling down, disappointed and like i had more anxiety than when i went in.   Has anyone every had this happen? What did you do? For me, for now I am going to just keep praying. I believe that God will take me through. Whether i have surgery or not, i believe everything will be alright. I just wish i had a better feeling.....maybe it will come. Maybe the next appointment will be better. Maybe next appointment i will tell DR G how he made me feel last appointment or maybe i'll be a coward and say nothing. I know things are really not that bad, but i hope they get better and i start feeling better about this whole process.
Sweet Toni

Sweet Toni

4
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