HeatherMae26's Blog

Let's try this again!

Hi everyone! So this is my second real attempt into the beginning of getting Bariatric Surgery. I have visited this option for many years now, but it has never been something that myself or my family ever considered to be a smart or reasonable option: not until this past winter did I ever bring it up to my family and tell them that I really wished to do this. I am 21 years old, a senior in college, and weigh 300 lbs. This is the highest weight That I have ever been at and I have decided that this will always be the highest weight I will be at. I think starting from the beginning will probably be easiest for me (maybe not for you, lol) but I hope I get some people to read, give me some feed back (good and bad). I don't remember a time not being overweight, I see pictures of myself when I was heading off on the first day of school and that was probably the last time I saw a skinny version of myself. In every school picture I have I see myself getting bigger and bigger as I get older and older. It wasn't til 4th grade did I finally realize something wasn't right. I was the only child in my class who wasn't wearing the cute outfits and didn't have lots of friends; In fact I was the only kid to get made fun because I couldn't run as fast as the others and I was purposely picked last in games because I was fatter and slower. 4th grade was the first time I started to diet to try and lose the weight. Obviously It didn't last very long and my life growing up was a vicious circle or 1 step forward 3 steps back. I have tried about every diet out there; medifast, atkins, weight watchers, nutrisystem, the new weight watchers points plus, weird diets i found online, liquid diets.....so on and so forth. I've also wasted hundreds of dollars on gym memberships in which i attended for about a month and then gradually went less and less till I was just paying to have a tag on my key chain. Once I hit high school I just began to ignore the problem, I was a size 20 and could care less about it. I had the mentality that I was invincible, I was fine just the way I was and if someone said something about it they could (in my teenage angst voice) "suck it". 3 years out of high school and I have gained 80lbs....I have gained over 100lbs in just 8 years....wowwwww. ha, Yea this is not okay. After my last and final "diet" program is when I confronted my parents and told them that this is something that needs to be done. Though they were very displeased with this because of the risks they knew things were going to get worse if i didn't make this change. I am already at a weight where I have restless sleep, terrible knee pains, I have a hard time bending over to pick things up, not to mention my asthma is getting worse...I now have to do this awkward side back bend to pick something up because my knees and back just arn't doing what they should be at age 21. I also visited my OBGYN about my period being so off schedule; she told me it was because of my weight and that my body is confused and thinks my rapid weight gain is because I'm pregnant. The thing that made me most upset to hear from my OBGYN was that I am at such a high weight and am considered morbidly obese that If i even tried to have kids there was GOING to be complications.....Now I am NOT trying to have kids in the first place, but If I have gained over 100 lbs in 8 years what is my weight going to be in another 8 years when I am ready to have kids? I visited a seminar on WLS about 3 months ago, and I began the process about 2 months ago....I got as far as deciding I wanted lap band, and going to see the nutritionist the first time to meet her and get paper work started for blood work and my psychological evaluation. I think I get nervous and gave weight watchers point's plus a try, I lost 10 lbs but then had a hard time with tracking and gained it all back. I am now getting ready to go back to the nutritionist and talk more with them about what to do. I am pretty sure That I have to start over from square one, but that's okay because It gave me more time to realize that I no longer want lap band, but feel that the VSG is a much better fit for me. I want a permanent life style change, so I want something that Is going to permanent. There is no easy way around this, I am ready for something to finally kick me in the ass and force me to make the decisions I need to make. Now I know this surgery will not make my brain want carrots and peas but If I can slowly retrain myself to eat as well as to like new foods then that's how It needs to be. I am already trying new foods and cutting back drastically on fast foods, eating out, and have practically quit smoking. I have been on and off smoking for about 4 years. I haven't bought a pack in 4 months, and have only had about 6 cigarettes in those 4 months. I honestly don't feel the urge to smoke anymore! .....now to quite drinking diet pepsi.....I hate coffee and tea so idk how i'm going to get my caffeine fix!! so to conclude this entry, I believe I am ready to try again and actually go through with this. My question for all of you who actually sat here and read all of that.....what were some of the worst things you didn't expect after surgery? how many of you had 2nd thoughts and/or even backed out like I did? why? did you go through with it? Also did anyone have issues with cigna insurance covering this procedure? Thanks for readying everyone, sorry if it got kinda lengthy. (I will also apologize now for this blog's and any other blog's gramatical errors...writing is not my strong point! lol) -Heather

HeatherMae26

August 18, 2011

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