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just not doing well 11-6-07

I'm not doing so good. I'm not following the diet at all. I know what I should be doing, but I just can't seem to get with the program. My weight is up at this time. I need to slow down and rethink what I'm doing. I do want to lose. I do want to feel better. I know that this last week I've not felt very good. I know it is because I'm not doing what I should be doing. I will try to do better tomorrow. I just have to do this. This is the hardest part of the year with the holiday and all. I have to keep busy and not let thing get to me. I will do this.
carol1951

carol1951

5
 

Just another day

I so sad today. I have to ask my daughter for the car she is driving. She got it three years ago and said she would pay for it. She hasn't made a payment yet. I just can't pay for it anymore. I don't know why she doesn't at least give me some money. I could work with that. I told her to at least give me some money weekly. I know she has 4 kids and husband that can't or won't work. I know without the car she can't get to work. I told her that the house payment and the car payment are the 1st thing you pay each month. Without the car she can't get to work. I didn't want the grandkids riding around in a piece of junk. We signed for this car when she was getting a divorce, and she is remarried to a bum. I can't believe she puts up with all his excuses about find a job. She can't even buy a car because he has ruined her credit. I just don't know what to do. I love her, but I can't keep bailing her out of messes. She is 31 years old. She has just taken on her husbands child whos mother decided that she didn't want the child anymore. She has 5 kids in that small house, which I help her buy. I just don't know what to do. If her father my DH finds out that I'm still helping her He will be so mad at me. I'm such a mess. No wonder I can't seem to diet very good. So much stress. So much anger. So much hunger.
carol1951

carol1951

3
 

not sleeping tonite

Just went to bed at 10:30, but by 12:00 was up again. I'm having some pain in my right thigh and leg when I lay down(don't know what thats all about). Just took some advil PM. just hoping it make me sleepy. This is the 12th day post-op. Not having any pain, not really too hungry yet, haven't even miss my diet coke that I have been hooked on for years. Hope this doesn't past. I have been surprised that my husband has been so supportive of me so far, but fear he will get tire of me not cooking any more. Food has been one the most important things for us.   I went to my check up this week and all was fine I had lost 14.7 lbs since my pre-op vist. My pre-op weight was 301!!!!! Thats my highest ever weight. Want to get down to 140-150 lbs. I can't even imagine what that would be like. I don't remember being that small since high school, many, many moons ago.   I just want to be able to excerise, climb stairs, walk, play with my grandkids without getting sob. I want to buy clothes in regalur department. I'm excited about this new journey that I have began. I know its a long road but I'm trying to be postive.
carol1951

carol1951

3
 

Will I do this

I'm really questioning what the h*** I'm doing. Idon't know what I want. I know I want to lose weight, but I don't seem to want to do the work. I don't want to be hungry and sometimes I am and somethings I'm not. Sometimes its head hunger and sometimes I really am hungry. I just want to be normal and lose weight like all the other people. I really thought that I would not have hunger and that I would only be able to eat a small amount. Well neither has happen. I can still eat a horse, although I do have to chew,chew an eat slow slow. I really believed that I would only be able to eat 1/2 cup, not the 2 cups I eat most of the time. I thought I would not be hungry, I knew that I would have fight the head hunger, but its really hard to fight head hunger when you don't feel full. Sometimes I'm really down and other times I glad I have the band. I know I would have gained durning the last seven months instead of losing. I'm glad that I have lost 35 lbs, but I'm still in all my big clothes and I'm tired of all big clothes. I want to wear cute clothes that are smaller and in style. I feel like a loser most of the time. I read how everyone is doing so great and here I am with only a 35 lb lost. How am I going to do this so that I win and I don't lose my self respect. I know that I can do this. I guess I need some great ideas. I can still do this, I know I have to do this one day at a time, but the days are so long when you struggle all day. I should not be in pitty pot all time eihter. How do I get off that pot? How do I stop worring all the time about food. I just feel like that all I do is think of food and I really though I would get over that when I wasn't hungry all the time. I need some major help.
carol1951

carol1951

3
 

Really discouraged

I have not lost anything in the past week since I had my 1st fill. I don't understand, I know I'm not eating nearly has much I use to eat, but not under 1000 cal either. I getting around 1500 a day, that alone should make me lose something. I have started to pedal every time I get a chance. I have been trying to get my water. I have protien shake for breakfast. Guess I have to eat even less. I know it is harder the older we get to lose weight. I lost more when I was on weight watchers, but I alway gave up that diet after 4 to 6 weeks. The longest I was on weight watcher was 4 to 5 months and lost about 30 lbs. I did opifast back in the late 80's and lost lots of wieght, but of course I didn't keep it off. Why can't I get a handle on this. I'M NOT DUMB, I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO TO LOSE WEIGHT. I just want the weight to come off. Guess I thought with the band it would just happen with out all the work. Maybe I'm just lazy.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

still the same

Guess the old saying "you can't teach an old dog a new trick" is true. I'm still the same weight I was a week ago. I guess I will never learn how to eat, or how to make the right choices. I feel like a complete failure. I just don't seem to be able to do this. I guess I will have to be happy with what I have lost and be happy never gaining it back. I really wanted to lose a little more so that I could get into a smaller size before we go on vacation in January. I just don't see that happening right now. I don't know rather I should get another fill or just wait awhile. I'm really tired of thinking about it. I just want to lose weight. Maybe if I quite worrying about it the weight will come off. I know it won't, but I get so discouraged when I see people posting about only eating 1000 calorires or less a day and still not losing weight. I just don't feel that is a healthy diet. I guess maybe I will find out how much it cost to joing the Y. Maybe I could go there this winter and walk on the track. I need to do something for excersise. My sister is so thin and I'm so jealous. I want to be a size 12 or even 14. My sister is down to a size 6, I don't think I would ever look good at that size. I just don't see myself as thin. I don't believe it will every happen. Proof is that I can't seem to lose even 50 lbs with the band. I hope this wasn't a mistake. It cost a lot of money and I just don't seem to lose. I really feel like a loser.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

Friends

Last night as I sat watching TV I realized that I don't have a close friend. One that you tell everything to. I keep so many things inside. Its eating me up, so I eat everything I can get my hands on. I think that why I have so much trouble in the evenings. I need to get up off my butt and do something. I'm always afraid of what people will think, so I do nothing. I don't take critism well. I'm not funny. I don't really know to talk with people. People think I'm a bitch, when in fact I'm afraid to say anything. When you have been told that your stipud, and loud you have begin to shut down and you don't talk. Once you start that process you forget how to talk with people. I always feel no one will really wants to hear what I have to said. How do I get over that. I need friendship. I have been around this web site for seven weeks and have only post a few times on the threads. I always feel no one wants to hear what I have to say. I wish I was funny, I love to read what some people write. I feel flat, like no one cares about me. So much for me and my pity party. I had a pretty good day yesterday. The calories add up so fast. I have been trying eggs for breakfast, even through I hate eggs. I found some low fat bacon bits and add some cheese, but that adds up to 300 plus calories. When you are trying to keep calorie under 1200 calories, that doesn't leave many left for the rest of the day. Maybe I'm afraid of not having food to eat. Even when I was on weight watchers I would save all my points till evening so I could eat something when I wanted to. Why do I feel it alway everything or nothing. If I mess up I give up. I have to learn to forgive myself. I guess thats one thing I have never done. I always feel everything is my fault. I never tell anyone no, not even myself. This band is going to be a real learning experience.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

must keep busy

Yesterday was Easter, it was the first day that I was really down. I hate the holidays. My family is so fractured and we don't do things together any more. I just hate it. I wish that my dh would not be so rigid when it come to our children. I wish he could forgive. Sometimes it worrys me that he's that way. There is always that what if that I live with, what if I don't do want he wants, what if I disappoint him. I hate what ifs.. I really wanted to eat something yesterday. I didn't.   I'm eating about 1200 to 1500 calories a day. Need to get the calorie count down to 1000 a day. Maybe it will be easier when I get my first fill on the 25th. I have to start walking, but its been so cold out side. I suppose to warm up this week. I'm trying to be more active around the house also. I just want this weight gone, now.   Things will be better.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

soupy tuesday 4-10-2007

Its raining today, which the sun would shine and warm up just a little bit. Can't wait to get my 1st fill. I'm wanting something sweet, like a brownie or cookie. I'm a cookie monster big time. I have never met a cookie that I didn't like. Its been 4 weeks since I have had any thing sweet. Thats a really long time for me to go without sweet things. I'm drinking a glass of water right now maybe that will help. Who am I kidding. Its really bad when you have to tell yourself that water is the answer.   I proud of myself, I haven't missed the diet coke at all. That really surprises me. I thought it would be the hardest thing to do, but it's not. Wish rest of the stuff would be that easy. I'm going to try tuna tonite for supper. I have never just ate tuna without bread. I'm to scared to try bread, besides if I fine out that it goes down easy, it might be to easy to eat something else that I don't want to start eating again.   Time to get busy, and stop feeling sorry for myself. This is want I wanted. I do feel better, but still have low energy level, hoping that will get better soon.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

back from 2nd fill

Just back from my second fill. I'm really really disappointed that I have only lost 23 lbs. since March 12.:scared: I thought it would come off a lot faster than this. I know that I haven't put a lot of work into this so far, but I have really cut down on what I eat. That alone should have drop a couple of hundred pounds. Clear liquids today, then full liquids, then mushies, I don't know if I can do clear liquids all day or not. I'm so hungry right now, guess I will eat jello. I had a good weekend, need to excersize today and I'm not sure what I will do. I have a new dvd for walking and I should get it out and try it. I wish that I could wear a smaller size, but not yet things are getting looser,but not yet to big. My size 2x are still to tight.   I can't even image what it will like to wear a size 14 or 12. That doesn't even seem possible, maybe that one of my problems. I know that I have lost 23 lbs in two months and maybe I will be down 100lbs in 10 months, but that doesn't even seem possible. I have been so fat for so long that I can't see myself any other way. Also I usually give up by this time. I have lost faster on other diets and have not had lasting results, so maybe this is way to go. Slow but sure. I know I will do this this time.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

lonely

I'm feeling very alone today. Why don't I make the correct choices. I know exactly what I should do, but then turn around and do the wrong thing. Is it just human nature or I'm I just try to defeat myself. I had my second fill the other day and I'm eating today, but I want to eat all the wrong thing today. I want to eat pizza, I know that some say that we don't just eat to be eating. I love food. I love pizza, it has nothing to do with feeling bad, or hating myself. I know sometimes it is because I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm happy or anyother emotional thing, but sometimes its just because I love that food. What I need to do is control what I eat. Eat only one piece of pizza not three or four. Since I have been banded I have eat pizza, mostly I eat the toppings and not the crust. I have not eaten bread and love bread when it hot and butter. I have not had a sandwich, I have not had a diet coke. I'm not sure why we are not to drink diet coke, but I haven't. Sure am getting tired of water. I don't like to drink a lot of anything and I know that's a problem. It also a problem when the till you not to drink one hour before and one hour after. Then add your eating time in and that is a big chunk out of your day, more than 6 hours that you can't drink, which only leaves about 9 hours or less to drink all that water. I need to excerise more, but my knee really does hurt. I have try to increase what I'm doing daily and need to add a short walk to my daily routine. Can't go to far or the knee hurts and the hip hurts. I hope that gets better as I lose weight. Time will tell if it helps or if I have to go to the doctor again to see about them. The last doctor told me that I need to lose weight. The knees are gone, but not bad enough to replace, can't imagine what the have to be like to have them fixed. I need to expend more calories then I take in. That is the formula for losing weight.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

thursday, 5-31-07

Well it been two weeks since my last fill and have very little restriction. I guess I should call the doctors office and see if I can get another fill and not wait another two weeks. I can get at least 2 cups at a sitting. I'm not eating as much as I was before my band, but not anywhere close to 4 oz's the doctor talked about. I'm going to challenge myself to excersise this month. I will start slow and add some time to it each week. Dana wants me to do the walking program at zona rosa that is to start tonight. I don't think I can walk as far as the want you to. If it wasn't for this journal I might as well be invisable to the world out there. I'm trying to keep track of my food intake on fitday.com. Do pretty good most of the time, but somedays I just don't feel like doing it. I also don't do very well on those days. I still can't see myself as every being a normal size. I have been this size for so long, I hope and pray that it will come. My love affair with food is going to kill me if I don't get it under control. My blood pressure is better, can't say that much for my blood sugars. I the blood sugars are coming down slowly. I would love to get off the medications. Today will be a good day.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

try to fill a hole in my sole

I know that I have lost my DD, but the hole it has left in me is hugh. I have been trying to fill it with food today and I know that won't work. I have to work through these problems and hope for the best. I did my best with her, but it was never enough. I truely love her and her kids, but I can't seem to do enough. I have given money till have none left to give. I have babysit and pick up the kids from school when sick. I have gotten the grandkids birthday, christmas presents, and clothes for school. I have tried to be there when she need me, but in the end she choose a man who has completly shut out her family. I wish I could change a lot of things. I know I can only do so much and I do the best that I can. I will miss not seeing the kids, but the last time I talked with her and told her the kids had been over when the were at their dads I could tell she was not happy about them being at my house. I will not put them in the middle so I will not see them or talk with them when they are at their dads. This is the hardest thing I have to do. She was to decide when and if I can see them, its not up to me, she is their mother.   I have eaten way to much today already and its only 12:30. I have had a protein bar, 2 oz cheese, a bowl of pasta and meatballs, and some cheese spread on crackers. I will have to drink a lot of water and do some excersises. I know it could have been worst had I not had the band. THE BAND IS MY FRIEND, MAYBE THE BEST FRIEND I HAVE. THE BAND DOESN'T LYE. THE BAND DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING FROM ME. THE BAND WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME. I LOVE MY BAND.   I thank God everyday that I have the band to remind me not to eat to much and to love myself. If I don't love myself no one else will love me.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

back from doctor

Went to see my regular doctor today. I last saw him about 2 weeks be for my banding. I had lost 26 lbs according to their scales. Guess that now to bad, but I wish it was just a little higher. I would like to lose 10lbs per month. I'm losing approx. 1-2 lbs a week. I know that is what they want you to lose, but I want it to come off just a little faster than that. I really haven't lost since I had my last fill 2 weeks ago. I seem to lose only when I'm on the liquid part of the diet. I will try watching my fats and carbs a little closer. I averaging 1500 cal per day and that is so much less then it was before my banding. I would think I would lose even faster than I am. Doctor was please with my weight lost, my iron was down and if its not back up when I go back in he wants to do another colonscopy a little early. I have to eat more iron for next couple of months. My hgbac1 was 6.5 same as in march, was hoping it would go down now that I have lost a little weight, maybe next time.   Delaney had a seizure while I was at the doctor. I have been home all week, but not here when she need me. I'm the closer to the school than her mother and I can give her her medicine. She seem ok for now.   So far today has been good. Its a little sticky out and my have storm later on today. Well must make some lunch. I'm hungry.:hungry::hungry::hungry:
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

10-1-07

Can't believe that its October already, seem like it was just July yesterday. I haven't lost anymore weight, but I have no one to blamel, but myself. I really need to get a move on. I don't eat as much, but still can:faint: eat the wrong things. The wrong things go down way to easy. I have had a couple of pb's this past week and it seem if I eat to fast that's when it happens. I hope I'm getting closer on my fills. I have 3.5 cc in my 4cc band, but I not anywhere close to just eat 1/2 cup at a time. I may have stretched my pouch out. I just don't know. I just have no will power. I just eat when I'm sad, happy, hungry, not hungry. I can eat anytime, anywhere. I just don't understand what is wrong with me. I know I want this,but I guess I just don't want it bad enought to give up everything. I don't buy cookies anymore, I havn't had a diet coke, or bread since 3-19-2007. I can still eat ice cream, chips, cant eat muffins, can eat cake, can't eat pizza crust, can eat the topping off of pizza. I'm trying to peddle everyday, but today my knee is really sore. I need to join the Y, but I limited on money right now. So guess I'm just having a pitty party today. I have felt really weepy all day and really don't know why. Hope tomorrow is a better day than today.:faint::faint:
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

11-28-07

Well I have finally got over the need to weight everyday. I guess I realize that I'm not going to lose very fast and weighting everyday just depressed me. I going next week to the doctor so will see how I'm doing then. I don't know if I want another fill or not. I do have trouble eating chicken, beef, and pork, it seem to want to set and spin in my stomach. I don't know if I'm not chewing well enough or if I'm eating to big a bites. I still don't do well in the am, I usually don't eat anything till lunch. I do protien shakes in the morning. Evening is still my biggest problem time of the day. I could eat a bear most of the time. My portions size is still way to big. Thats the one thing that makes me think I need another fill. I will have to talk with them next week and see what they think. Oh well need to get some things done today, Christmas is going to sneak up on me if I don't get busy.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

Did I make a mistake?

I wondering if I made a mistake in getting the band, its not working for me the way I thought it would. I can still eat way to much and I don't make the best decisions. I got the band thinking it would limit how much I could eat, but I still can eat just about anything I want to. I have never got down to only 1/2 cup. I can eat about 2cups at a time. I have to slow down to eat or I pb but I still cant eat to much. I feel like I have screwed up everything. I'm so weak when it come to eating. I love to cook and now I try not to, but I still have to cook something or else I will just eat anything. I have don't buy cookies or pies anymore and I sure don't buy cake. I made one for my husband a couple of weeks ago and I had to throw the rest of it out because I just couldn't leave it a lone. I could eat till I puke I think. What is wrong with you, are you just an crazy old woman, who should have just left things the way the were and just been fat the rest of your life. I do feel better, but my knees are sore most of the time and I have no energy. I really sometimes I feel like it was a mistake to get the band. I know people are looking at me wondering when I'm going to lose weight. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

Eating

I heard a man on the View today talking about weight loss drugs. The interesting thing was he said was that overweight people tend not to eat breakfast or lunch, then eat to much in the evening. He could have been talking about me. I really don't like breakfast although I try to eat breakfast everyday. Some day I'm just not hungry in the morning and somedays its 10 or 11 before I'm hungry. I really need to start eating early, but I'm alway afraid that if I eat to early I will be hungry later and won't have anything left to eat for the day. I then overeat in the evening. I must change this behavior. I alway have food to eat and no one is going to take food away from me. So why do I have this thought in my head that I wouldn't have anything to eat. Even if I eat everything I should for the day I still have food in the house so this is not a reasonable thought. That is a crazy thought. Ok now that is know this I have to change want I do. I just have to figure out what or how I want to handle this. :help::help::help:
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

Long Night

Took a nap yesterday, should have known better. I can't sleep tonight. Sometimes I feel as if I have the RLS that you see on TV. I just couldn't lay still tonight. So here I am sitting up eating all the wrong things. Good thing there is not much in the house. I thought about buying cookie when I was at the store on Friday, but I didn't knowing I would probably have a night just like this. I can't have cookies around. I love COOKIES. So I have eaten some cheese cubes and a twinkie. The twinkie was terrible, I didn't really enjoy it at all. I also have some cottage cheese salad. Guess it could be worse.     I'm still can't wrap my mind around the fact that some day I might actually be smaller. I'm not saying thin, because I don't believe that will every happen. I just want to feel better, not sluggish all the time. I would like to be a size 14 or size 12. I will never be a smaller size, cause there is going to be too much excess skin. Still it seems a dream that will never come true.   I didn't do much this weekend. It was really a very quite few days. Hope this is a good week. I need to log on to fitday and chart my food intake, I couldn't seem to get fitday to work the other day and so I just haven't been back. Something to do tomorrow. Sleep is getting near I hope. The morning will come soon enough.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

new week, new day

I think I have given up on trying to keep track of everything I eat on fitday.com. I find it hard to track some of the stuff I still eat. Like casseroles, mixed salad ( not lettuce stuff). I have troulbe finding some things also. I think sometimes I get to focused on what I'm eating and trying track it on fitday. I have had a pretty good weekend. I go for another fill tomorrow and hope the scale drops some. I would love to lose 1lb a week, but I don't think I've done that. I know that my clothes are getting bigger, but not to big yet. I really thought I would hit a size smaller, but not really there yet ( very close).   Its really hot here and I have not started walking outside yet, but I still useing my little pedals and I have up it to 20 minutes at a time. I hope to make to 30 minutes by the end of this week. I want to walk as soon as it get cooler and maybe I can walk for 30 minutes. I know that the pedals are easier than walking, but it still movement. I averaged 2884 steps per day last week and I want to increase that to 3000 per day on average this week. I really think moving will up my weight lost. I need to get over the fear of a gym, but not yet. I still feel like I'm to big to go to a gym. Besides being retired I can't really afford on right now, maybe in a year. I hope I can get my DH to go with me at that time. I can do some tapes and things like that at home. Maybe I will try one of channels on tv that has excerise on it.   I'm feeling very hopeful this will be a good week. I get to go scrapbooking this next weekend. I know that will be a challenge, has I will not be home. I'm trying to plan ahead. My sister and niece are coming on thursday and will return to their homes on friday. We are planning on eating out at least twice. Shouldn't be to hard to eat at the places we are talking about going to.   I CAN DO THIS. I WILL BE THINNER IN THE DAYS AND MONTHS AND YEARS TO COME. I WILL BE HEALTHIER AND HAPPY.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

lot going on this weekend

I trying to get stuff ready for a garage sale at Dana's tomorrow. I have stuff in the van, but DH won't be home till late, so can't get stuff for the truck till later.   I weight again this am down to 268.2 this morning. Here goes the yo-yo between to numbers. I did do better yesterday with my drinking. Of course that included a protien shake that I had for lunch. I still am able to eat a lot. I worry that I have stretched out my pouch. I'm eating around 2-3 cups of food at a time. I do pretty good between meals. I don't snack very often. Not like I use to, which was pretty much all day long. It was just one long meal from time I got up till I went to bed. I now go 2-3 hours at time and some times I don't even think about eating. Thats amazing to me because I have thought so much about food all my life that even a couple of hours without a food thought is a miricle in its self.   I still can't trust that I will ever be thin or thinner then I am now. Its be so long I don't even remember being thin any more. I think I need to change my thinking. I get really discouraged because I can't believe that this will work for me. Nothing has ever worked for me, so why would this. This thinking is very distructive, because if I get just a down then I just want to throw in the towel and eat whatever is available. I'm trying not to buy things that will be easy to grab and eat. Thats what I like to do, is grab and eat. I had a very hard time this morning trying to decide what to eat for breakfast. 1st I wanted something very easy to grab and eat. 2nd I don't care for breakfast foods. 3rd I don't want to take the time to cook something.   Will I every learn to be a normal person :faint:
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

hungry, hungry, hungry

I'm really hungry now, could eat a horse sometimes. I need to start really counting my protien, will try increase the amount of protien that I eat. I had my shake this morning and that gives me 63 grams of protien, that does help alot, with the hunger. I have to start doing more excerise, I know this is a must. Just wish I had someone to go with to walk.Not sure just how far I can walk a one time. My knee is really sore right now. It is keeping me awake at night again. Slept really bad last night. I really am doing good between meals, my problem is evening and at night when I can't sleep. I really could use some cookies right now, I know the would make me feel better for a very few seconds, then I would be mad at myself. good thing I don't have any in the house. Oh well thing will pick up next week or by the end of this week.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

1st fill

Had my 1st fill yesterday at 10am. I can tell no differents yet. I'm on liquids till Friday. Hope on Friday I fine some differents on how much I can eat. I did lose only 1.4 lbs since my last visit to the doctor. That is really a little depressing, but I knew I was not losing and I knew I could eat way to much. I need to make better choices. I still getting many carbs. I not a great meat eater. I love cheese, but have never been able to lose weight when I eat to much cheese. I can eat beans but they are high in carbs. I don't eat eggs, I cant stand the smell or the taste of eggs. Besides I tried to eat scrambled eggs at the resturant last week and the didn't go down very good. I cant eat tuna but with the mayo and pickle relish that not to heathy either. I just have to start excerising I have no excuse now. I'm feeling much better and I'm getting my engery back. I just have to do this. The fill was the really really easy yesterday, I was really nervous, but it was a breeze.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

12-11-07

Its been a week since my last fill and I think I have some restriction. I really can't eat as much as a week ago, but still not down to 1/2 cup. I really have to slow down and much smaller bites. I went last night with my sister to eat at Outback and I ate all my salad and most of the 7 oz. steak and some of the sweet potatoe. I seem to be much tighter in the AM than in the PM. I don't know if I need to get more fill or not. I will stay like this for a few week then see what happens.   I finely got the tree done and most of the boxes back downstairs. I was about to lose my mind with all the mess. I guess I need to get my small amount of shopping done. I really want to do baking next week for family and freinds. I want to get the cookie trays out to people by the end of next week. I still think its a little early to start any baking. I don't want that temptation around that long.   I hope I see some weight loss soon. I really would like to lose some before our vacation to Florida in January. We don't leave till the end of the month so maybe I can get some more off. Its so discourging see other losing with such a small fill. I can't believe how different we all are with fills. Why am I at 3.9 and other are happy with 1.5 or less. Oh well, I must not dwell on that I know it will work in its own time. I know I will do this. I will make better choices and will do this. I will be much health in the months to come from the effort I put out now. I will do this. I will do this. Nothing is going to keep me from doing this. I have to stay strong when all hell is breaking lose around me. I will not let other temp me. I will make the better choice. I will try to keep negative thought from over coming my better choices.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

12-13-07

I'm really feeling better about the band right now then I have in the past few months. I have more restriction then I every have and it feels so good. I'm not hungry right now and its a wonderful feeling. Now if I can just kick in the excerise I think the weight would just about fall off. I have to get more activity going. The ice if falling off the trees today, and the sun is shining. I love sunshine. The talk is more snow tomorrow night and Saturday, I really hope they are wrong. I need sunshine to function at a good pace. I took my sister to airport this morning and I wish I was going with her to Hawaii. Oh well I will deal with what I have and count my blessing.
carol1951

carol1951

2
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