Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!
$99 Yearly Supply Alert! 🌈 "1 per Day!" Bariatric Multivitamins
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
  • entries
    120
  • comments
    152
  • views
    10,375

Entries in this blog

 

2-28-08

So far I'm doing better this week, but I feel I'm doing it all by myself. I still don't feel alot restriction from the band. I can still eat 2 cups at least at a meal. I have tried to stick to 1 cup at a meal but I get really hungry in about 1 to 2 hours. My stomach makes really horrible noises also. Today after my protien shake for breakfast I went shopping and didn't feel very good. Thought I would just past out before I got home. I was so hungry. I'm keeping track of what I eat this week on thedinnerplate.com, I'm trying to stay with in their calorie count to lose 2lbs a week. Will see if this works. I still think the doctor need to see if there is a leak in my band. After all I'm suppose to have 4.2 cc in my band. I would think it would have some effect on what I eat and how I feel when I eat. I really what this weight gone, so I guess for now I will have to do it on my own. If I'm going to do it on my own I wonder why I need this band. Oh well I have lost some and I have kept it off for a year, its just not as much as I wanted. I see other losing over 100 lbs in the same time and its really discourging to know that I have lost only around 30lbs. I want to feel better. My knees are killing me and I have so much trouble walking. I'm so stiff when I get up,you would think I was eighty. I did join the YMCA yesterday. I have to wait for them to call me as soon as the get the ok from my doctor to start working out. I hope that walking on a track will do me some good, as soon as I lose some more I will start to add to my excerise routine. Oh well time to go to bed. My stomach kinda upset tonight, it does that sometimes when I take my night meds.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Control

Here it Feb. 13th and I still at the same weight that I have been for the last serveral months. I know that I have lots of problems, but one that came to light last night is the need to control something. I have no control over so many things that I can control what I do put in my mouth. No one can tell me no. No one has to see me eat (I know everyone can till that I overeat by just looking at me.) I can eat in private, I can hide things, I can eat in the car, I can go through a drive thru and I can eat what I want. I don't want anyone telling me I can't eat. It's really the only thing I can control. The funny thing is for the last month I've been telling myself that I'm the only one that can do this. I have tried many diets and I have had lap band so far none have worked for me. I'm one that has the control to make it work. I think if I work on this maybe it will help me in the future. I know I have the control to make this work. I am in control of what I put in my mouth, no one can make me eat or make me not eat. I do all the buying and all the cooking. We really don't eat out very often. I have to start with a real effort and maybe this will work. I have to want this more than I want to eat.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

I'm back

Got back from Texas yesterday and I soooo glad to be home. I really missed that new bed, the sleep number bed. It was really nice down there, the temps were in the middle 80's most of the time. My aunts house is really cute. The dogs are something else, but they were nice and when they are sleeping you would never of guess that there was 8 dogs in the house. The really great news is I didn't gain any weight while I was there:whoo::whoo:. My sister did really good on the flight down and back. It was a little bumpy coming home. I now have to get busy and try to lose more weight before the holidays get here. It's not that long till thanksgiveing and Christmas is right around the block and coming fast. I now that this is going to be a great week.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

sunshine today

Monday, July 2, 2007. Looks like we will have some sunshine today:whoo::whoo:. I'm so tired of all the clouds and rain we have been having. I worked out in the yard for about an hour yesterday. I need to go walk or do something for excersize today, besides laundry. I did pretty good this weekend. It really helps not having anything in the house to eat. I did have some problems with my pizza Friday nite. I know better than to try the crust. I usaully only eat the toppings only, but since we were babysitting I forgot and ate the crust. I slimed just a small amount. Then Saturday nite my hamburger(without the bun) did want to go down either. I did really bad on the water front on Saturday, Sunday was much better. It helps when I do a protien shake also. THIS IS GOING TO BE A BATTLE EVERYDAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!!! It's discourging to think I have to do this the rest of my life so guess I think of it as one day at a time. My problem is that some day I just don't feel like doing the battle.   How do I maintain that excitement and the wonder of something new. Its kinda like marriage in that the honeymoon period is over now and I have to make this work for me. I just have to stick with it, no divorce for me from my band. The band is here to stay.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Maybe I just don't want it bad enough

I don't know if I don't want to lose weight or if I'm scared to lose weight, but I just keeping shooting myself in the foot all the time. I eat all the wrong foods most of the time. I know I shouldn't eat it, but I do it anyway. Breakfast is still just a protien shake if its early it just doesn't want to go down. Then around 10 or 11 I eat chips, crackers or cheese. Then when its lunch time I skip it or I'm to full from all the junk that I don't eat. Then around 3 I'm hungry and can't hardly stand it, so I eat something easy like chip, crackers or cheese. I really don't eat many sweets cause I know I can't keep them in the house. I do crave chocolate. My DH is not a sweet person so thats why I have the chips and crackers. I don't usually, in the past, eat ice cream although here lately I can't seem to get enough of it. I guess I'm going to have to not buy that either. I'm lost on what to eat for lunch. I can't eat bread it just doesn't want to go down. I do eat salad some, I've done tuna or chichen salad some, soup alot. I have trouble with chicken and some beef. I think I'm not chewing my food good enough and if I'm too hungry I eat to fast so I need to slow down and eat slower. I really did do good in Texas, but maybe that was because I didn't have to cook or think about it. I was moving more while I was gone. I really need to excerise more, walking is good. I need to find some excerises that don't require me to get down on the floor. I have a really hard time getting up off the floor with my bad knee. I need to work on my stomach it is getting floppy and my butt is sagging. I still am wearing my 3x's and I have lost 35 lbs. I really want to go down in the sizes, but I have this big butt and stomach. My arms are flopping in the wind so need to get some excerise the will tighten them up. I NEED HELP. I WILL DO THIS IF TAKE ME YEARS. I KNOW I HAVE TO PUT MORE EFFORT IN TO IT. NO ONE BUT ME CAN DO THIS. I HAVE TO STOP BUYING THING THAT I KNOW I CAN EAT THAT ARE NOT GOOD FOR ME. I NEED TO GET AN ANOTHER FILL AND HOPE THAT THE AMOUNT THAT I CAN EAT GOES DOWN TO 1/2 CUP AMOUNTS. I MUST KEEP MYSELF BUSY, IF I'M BUSY I DON'T EVEN THINK OF FOOD. THE MORE I DO THE MORE I WILL BE ABLE TO DO. THE MORE I EXCERISE THE STRONGER I WILL GET. I CAN DO THIS.   I feel so alone in this struggle. I need to find a good support group that is close to home, wonder how to find a group. I need to find some friends that understand my struggle.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

12-5-08

Haven't post in a month. Time just gets away from me at times. I went to the ortho doctor today and she did injections in both knees. I hope this helps for awhile. I need to get back to the "Y". I'm going to try water arobics three times a week for awhile. Been doing twice, but I have to kick start this weight lost. She will not do knee replacement till I lose more weight. I keep telling myself that I will feel better if I lose more, but the more the knees hurt the more I don't do. Stupid cycle and I know it.   Will do better, I keep telling myself that. Now I have to make it happen.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

busy weekend

Had a really busy week last week and I now am recovering. I didn't lose anything this past week, of course not suprised. I ate out most of the time. Didn't do to bad. I had a great time at the scrapbooking weekend. My girlfriend and I got a lot done, I don't believe I will ever get all my pictures done. I got home Sunday afternoon. I was so tired, I still recovering. Its so hot outside, I hope it cools off soon. I really want to start walking outside, but its just to hot right now for that.   Maybe I will lose something this week. I'm starting to day with a protien shake. My husband is gone tonight for supper so will have chilli. I think I will make that it goes down good and I will have left overs for the rest of the week.   I have to be serious this week about my food intake since I had such a good week last week eating out so much. I still can't have cookies around. I got some to take to the retreat last weekend and of course I ate them. I know better, but did it anyway. No wonder I didn't lose anything last week, but didn't gain any either.   Will have a positive week this week. I have figured out that I have more time to fill now that I don't think of food all the time, and I'm not either cooking or shopping for food. That really took up a lot of time. I now have figure out what to do to keep myself busy so I don't want to eat. I find I can now go a couple of hours at time without thinking of food. That is experience that I haven't had in a very long time. I think I will try to make a quilt this winter and get more of my scrapbooking done.   I must get busy. This will be a good week.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

11-04-08 election day

Well its been a long since I was here. I went on vacation and did really pretty good. I was at the my GP last week and I was done 10 lbs since I was there 3 or 4 months ago. He was happy and I was happy that all the good food we ate on vacation didn't have a bad effect on me. I did really good I don't know if it was because I was in a different place,but I just couldn't eat very much. I'm still making the all the wrong choices. All the bad stuff goes down really really to easy. I started yesterday to try to do better. I'm going to eat more protien and less carbs. I have a really bad problem with carbs. My AC1hgb was down to 5.7 which is really really good. I still haven't got back to going on a regular bases to the Y, but maybe in the next couple of weeks. Just seem like there has been a lot going on. My knees are still hurt really bad and hurt all the time. I just keep going, I know that I have to lose more weight before the will every do anything with my knees.   Oh well guess I will go stand in line to vote today. I feel it really important to do, I have never not vote in a national election.   Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Life is was to short to spend it like this.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

WHY, WHY, WHY

WHY do I want to eat anything in sight somedays and I have no hunger the other day. I don't understand why I do this. Why can't all days be the same it would be so much easier to lose weight.   Today so far isn't so bad, yesterday I wanted eat everything in sight. I was at the store today, I walked by the cookies and didn't buy any. I really, really wanted to, but I know that I would eat them and that won't help the cause at all. I have to have these small victories, it helps with the self esteem. I did get some more fresh cut up fruit, that seems to help some.   I will over come this weight. I still can't imagine myself thin, wish I could. If I could see myself thin them maybe I could stick to the food plan better. I know I will do better this week.   Next week my DH will be out camping with his high school buddies. They have been doing this for 30+ years. Will they every grow up. It didn't use to bother me that they did this, but then I finally realized that he had spend more vacations with his buddies then he had with me. I really tired of these so call camping vacations, but hes going to do it all the same. I now plan more trips with my girlfriend who isn't married. Most of married women can't seem to get away with this kind of behavior. He doesn't say a word, or he can't say anything about me going with my girlfriend.   Oh well, what I really worried about next week is being alone with myself. I try will hard to be accountable to myself, cause it is really only me that I hurting. I will have to write a lot next week to keep up with all thoughts that I will be dealing with while alone in the house.   I know I can do this, I can only relie on myself.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

new week

It's Monday morning and I'm feeling great. It's 13 days post-op and I just now feeling hungry for the first time. I woke up that way this morning. I ate oatmeal and yogurt for breakfast, feel as if I could get a horse. I have to decide what to eat for lunch. I liked it better when I had only to get something liquid, limited choices seem to make my decision power much better. It looks like my weight is down again to about 283. Yeah.   Need to get busy and do something to keep my mind busy and my hands busy. I also have to start walking, but my b/p has been low. I keep telling my that that is just a excuse, but I do get very dizzy. I think I will go through my closet and take out winter clothes and put the up for now. I will then have to decie what to do with them. Some are really good thing that will need to be sold or put on ebay. Guess I need to get busy for now.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

1-6-09

I went to the Y this morning and walked in the river for 35 minutes and then did 45 minutes of water arobics. Feeling really good then came home and ate all the stuff I shouldn't have. For two years I have sat here and wrote all the same things. Why do I do this. Why do I just keep on doing the wrong things. Why don't I feel like I deserve this. Why don't I love myself enough to do this. I know I don't feel good most of the time and I know that my weight is most of the problem. I have to lose weight so the will do the knee replacements so I will start to feel better. So why don't I just do it. What keeps me from doing what I know I should do.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Do You Every Feel

Do you every feel like no one understands you? Do you every feel all alone with no one at your side? Do you every feel so overwhelmed that you just want to go away some where and hid? Do you every feel like everyone you know is ashamed of you? Do you every feel like no one likes you, or wants to be with you?   These are some of my feeling today and these are some of the tiggers for my wanting to eat.   Now I just have to learn how to control the need to eat when these things are getting to me.   I hate it when people you love hid things from you. I hate it when people you love don't share things with you. I hate when people you love don't love you back the way you want to be loved.   These are some more of the trigger eating. I have learn some things in the last two years, but I still can't control my eating yet.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Glad this holiday is over

I just don't like holidays anymore, I use to love the 4th, but now it just reminds me how everything has changed. I would love to have all my kids over, but my DH is still mad at of middle daughter. If I can't have all of them then, I will not have any of them here. I will not leave her and her children out. Sometimes I just want to clobber my DH.   My DH did barbeque yesterday and it was wonderful as usually. He can fix anything and it will be great. The boston butt was so tender and juicy, I ate way to much and to fast also. The meat kinda hurt a little. I made fresh green beans and corn on the cob. I also eat some dot ice cream. I know I ate to much, so I will start the day with a protien shake and a glass of water. I didn't get all my water in yesterday. The scale was up this morning, not surprised. I thought that I might weight myself, but figured that I need to face the music. It wasn't quite as bad I as thought it might be.   Today will be a good day. I will drink lots of water and I will be busy and try to get my excersize. I will not eat just because I'm unhappy, I will try to busy myself and stay out of the kitchen.   I'm feeling much stronger today, than yesterday.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

6-10-08

Why? Oh Why? can't I lose like everyone else with the lapband. I just don't seem to lose. I have played with the same five pounds since Feb. I do try and I know I'm not eating nearly as much as I did before the band. I must just make bad choices. Yesterday I had weight control oatmeal for breakfast, lunch I had a panni forzen sandwich the light kind, supper I had meatloaf and corn. I had for a snack yesterday small cup of rice pudding, 90 calories. That's not that much. I didn't excerise yesterday, but I did do laundry. Today I'm soooo tired. I did to water aroebic, I really like that. My joints have been so bad the past couple of days. I'm not sleeping very good right now, knee hurt even when sleeping. I have woke myself up moaning in my sleep. I know I would probably lose faster if I could do more, but guess I need to find something else to do for excerise. Walking is just hard. I always have walked a lot in the past, but every since my knee got really bad two years ago I just can't do as much.   Oh well, guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself today. So far today I have had my oatmeal and a half order of nachoes. So guess I will drink some more ice tea and get busy with house work.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

7-7-08 slowly losing

I'm really losing slowly now, better than not losing at all. My scale says I'm down another 3 lbs in 2 weeks. I really like to lose 2 lbs a week, but I will take what every I can get. I went so long without losing anything at all, I can't hardly believe I'm losing. I just need to be patient and it will come. I really excited about losing anything. I maybe a little to tight, but not so bad that I can't live with it. I'm having some acid reflex, esp. after I take my meds. I don't know maybe I should try crushing them again. It worst at night when I go to bed. I really can't eat bread, pizza crust, muffins, or cake that is dense. I really have to chew my meat really really good. I can eat chicken salad or most salad in general. I'm have to remember to eat slowly also. If I get to hungry I forget and I will eat to fast and then it hits me. The slimming and the pain is a great reminder to slow down. My DH is on his annual campout with is high school buddys. They have done this at least 35 years, you would think that they would out grow this at some point. Believe it or not he has taken more vacations with them then he has with me. It still makes me feel like he doesn't care as much as about me as he does about them. He gets so excited about the campout. He spends weeks figuring out what to take. Making lists and emailing the other guys. They act like bunch of little kinds. Of course I won't tell him no he can't go, that would make me seem petty and bitchy. I guess it makes me mad because all the years I worked I took my vacations to take care of sick kids while he went camping with his friends or on trips to Canada with his fishing buddys. In the 38 years we have been together we have taken 5 long vacations together and maybe 10 weekend trips together. So yeah I'm mad that he still goes. Oh well it time to get busy and do thing that need to be done. I sometimes don't feel very loved.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

same weight

I weighted this morning, the first time in a week and I still weight the same. I haven't lost a thing in six weeks. I have no one to blame but myself. I just can't get with the program. I still am not eating as much as I use to, but I'm not always making the best choices. I still try to peddle just not on the regular bases that I need too. I wish I didn't have a fear of dogs, I would love to get out and walk. I know I could go to the mall, but the mall is not really close. Maybe it just and excuse not to excerise. I have never been very fond of excerise. I have thought about join the Y, but I need to find out how expense that is. I really don't have a lot of extra money right now. I thought about getting a part time job, but my knees still hurt most of time. I don't know if I could stand on my knee for hours. I mustn't complain. I'm so much better off then a lot of people. I will stay the course and be glad that I haven't gained.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

why

Why do I have this over whelming desire to eat? I know I'm not hungry right now, in fact I'm very full. But at this very moment all I want to do is go fine something to eat. I know I need to redirect and do something else. So why don't I go for a walk or go do laundry? This is the sickness that I have. Why do we eat when we know we are not hungry? It would be so much simpler if we could just take that huge devil right off my shoulder. The feeling sometimes so bad it almost all consuming. This is what I thought the band would take away from me. I really believe it would take that devil and banish him forever. Yes the band make you feel full, but it does not do away with the devil inside me. I have to learn how to handle this little devil.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

back from another fill

I just got back from the doctors office. I got another .2cc in my band. I hope this works. I really want to be able to get that magical 1/2 cup that I see everyone talking about. I still have been able to eat 1 1/2 cups to 2 cups and I really want to lose weight. I'm going to Florida in January and I hope to be down another 10 lbs. I will have to work really hard to get there with the holidays just around the corner. I'm not real upset that I had gain 1lb this past six weeks. I knew that I'm not anywhere near perfect. I really don't make good decisions when it come to food. I know I'm a emotional eater and that I will have more to over come than a lot of people. Well my challenge is to lose 10 lbs by January 15. Let's see if I can do it.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

I think I have some restrictions now

I think I have some restriction now. I have really go slow eating or it kinda burns up in my throat, and that pain in the middle of my back really kills me. It feels like something is just turning around and around in side of me. I hope I start to lose now. I have not loss very much yet. Its really discouraging to see what some have lost already. I want this gone, but I now it took a long time to get this way and it will take time to have it gone.   Got some really exciting new on Saturday. I got tickets for the View on May 16. Nancy and I are going, no one else good get off to go with us. We leave on Sunday on the 13th and will come home on 17th, my brithday. Nancy's brithday is the 15th. Hope to go down to the Today show also. This will be my 4th trip to the Big Apple and Nancy's 2nd.   My daughter spent the night in the ER with my granddaughter Delaney. Her shunt was fine, she has a miragine. Its always a worry when she doesn't feel good. She will be 5 this month, can't believe it been 5 years since she was born,especially since she was not expected to make out of the delivery room. She has made great strides, she walks, talks, know her colors, goes to school 4 days a weeks. She is really really a blessing in our faimly. She is one of nine gradkids. I love them all and never get see them enough.   Well the workers will be here soon. Hope this porch thing is done this week. They are doing the wiring today and tomorrow, and putting up the screen. Carpet to be put in on Saturday. Can't wait till my house is mine again. Need to get my protien shake down before they get here.   This is going to be a great day.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

6-11-2010

I haven't written anything in almost a year. I have just given up until a month ago. My knees are so bad that I can't hardly stand it. The doctors tell me that knee replaces probably won't get rid of the pain. They said its my weight. Not sure I believe that completely, but I have to do something. I have had a great 2 weeks, but and you all know there is always a but. I had family in 2 different days this week. Now I have all this left over food. I really want to eat it. I also know I can't eat it and it is such a struggle. I promissed myself that I would not weigh as much next year on my 60th birthday. So I have to not eat this food, but it is calling my name. I hate the struggle. I'm 59 years old and you would think that by now I would have this thing under control. Feel like a failure. Hope I make it through the night.
carol1951

carol1951

0
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

PatchAid Vitamin Patches

Bariatric Forums

For Patients

Health Professionals

Search Surgeons

Bariatric Surgeons: Want to research a weight loss surgery surgeon? Enter their last name below to start!

×