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back from 2nd fill

Just back from my second fill. I'm really really disappointed that I have only lost 23 lbs. since March 12.:scared: I thought it would come off a lot faster than this. I know that I haven't put a lot of work into this so far, but I have really cut down on what I eat. That alone should have drop a couple of hundred pounds. Clear liquids today, then full liquids, then mushies, I don't know if I can do clear liquids all day or not. I'm so hungry right now, guess I will eat jello. I had a good weekend, need to excersize today and I'm not sure what I will do. I have a new dvd for walking and I should get it out and try it. I wish that I could wear a smaller size, but not yet things are getting looser,but not yet to big. My size 2x are still to tight.   I can't even image what it will like to wear a size 14 or 12. That doesn't even seem possible, maybe that one of my problems. I know that I have lost 23 lbs in two months and maybe I will be down 100lbs in 10 months, but that doesn't even seem possible. I have been so fat for so long that I can't see myself any other way. Also I usually give up by this time. I have lost faster on other diets and have not had lasting results, so maybe this is way to go. Slow but sure. I know I will do this this time.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

Home again

Got home yesterday. Had a wonderful time in New York. I love going to the View and and Today Show. We went to the View on the 16th and the Today Show on the 15 and 17th. We to two broadway plays. One was Spring Awaken and the other was Curtains. Both have been nomiated for Tony's. Curtains was more my style.   I had a great time, but why am I such a push over. I really had a wonderful time, but I didn't do some of thing I wanted to do. I really wanted to go to some of the Food Network places and some to the famous chefs places. Our hotel room was the room from hell. I didn't know they could make rooms that small in a hotel. Good thing we were not in it that much. My knee hurt a lot, but not as much as my hips. My hip feel as though they are tighten up as I walk then I have to stop and rest. I did get some new tennis shoes and I thing they helped. My feet all hurt, of course the left foot was the worst. It would thingle and go numb some to time. I must have walk a thousand miles.(HA HA)   I didn't lose weight, but I didn't gain weight either. I really want to lose faster. I go for my fill on Monday morning and hope this time it makes a difference. I really tired of not losing. I know my clothes are fitting looser and that helps, but I really haven't even dropped one size yet. I am going to by a dvd that is a walking dvd and hope it helps me start to excersize more. The walking in New York really helped, but my knee is really sore, I hope the walking will help to make my knee stronger.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

munchies today

I have had the munchies all day long today. I've done pretty good. I've had a bowl of chili, with a 1/4 cup of cheese, a protien bar from south beach, my sugar free pudding for the meds that I crush and a couple handfuls of cinnamon wheat thins. I have drank water, serveral glasses and just switched to crystal light lemonade. Need to get supper fix, having left overs. I still have problems eating chicken. I just doesn't go down very good. I going to eat meatloaf tonight and leave the chicken to my dh.   I have to pack my bags, new york here I came. I'm getting excited about going. Hope all goes well. I going to take a few protien bars and my crystal light with me. I will have to play it by ear on what I will eat there. Breakfast should be no problem.   I have been tracking my foods on fitday.com and I am still getting to many fats and carbs. Fats seem to be in every thing. I will have to work on that when I get back. It is a really good way to see how I'm doing. I have been much better the last couple of day on my calorie count, around 1500 cal a day. I will be happy with that as long as I start to lose. I really need to excerise more. Maybe next week in New York will jump start my walking. I have this deadly fear of dogs and when I go by myself it really worrys me. Need to work on that fear. I not so down on myself today either. I'm going to watch my 2 youngest grandkids tomorrow. That should keep me busy for awhile. I told them only for a couple of hours as I have a lot to do. If I didn't watch them once and while I would never see them and they are so cute. I what my grandkids to remember me some day with fondest, like I do my grandmothers. Oh well its supper time.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Friends

Last night as I sat watching TV I realized that I don't have a close friend. One that you tell everything to. I keep so many things inside. Its eating me up, so I eat everything I can get my hands on. I think that why I have so much trouble in the evenings. I need to get up off my butt and do something. I'm always afraid of what people will think, so I do nothing. I don't take critism well. I'm not funny. I don't really know to talk with people. People think I'm a bitch, when in fact I'm afraid to say anything. When you have been told that your stipud, and loud you have begin to shut down and you don't talk. Once you start that process you forget how to talk with people. I always feel no one will really wants to hear what I have to said. How do I get over that. I need friendship. I have been around this web site for seven weeks and have only post a few times on the threads. I always feel no one wants to hear what I have to say. I wish I was funny, I love to read what some people write. I feel flat, like no one cares about me. So much for me and my pity party. I had a pretty good day yesterday. The calories add up so fast. I have been trying eggs for breakfast, even through I hate eggs. I found some low fat bacon bits and add some cheese, but that adds up to 300 plus calories. When you are trying to keep calorie under 1200 calories, that doesn't leave many left for the rest of the day. Maybe I'm afraid of not having food to eat. Even when I was on weight watchers I would save all my points till evening so I could eat something when I wanted to. Why do I feel it alway everything or nothing. If I mess up I give up. I have to learn to forgive myself. I guess thats one thing I have never done. I always feel everything is my fault. I never tell anyone no, not even myself. This band is going to be a real learning experience.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

wednesday, 5-9-07

Well I made it through with out the brownies yesterday, but I did eat to much last nite. Why is it when you are eating to much and you know it,but you don't stop. Why can't I stop myself. When I get done I feel bad. Why do I want to feel bad. Do I believe down deep somewhere that I don't deserve to be thin. I don't want to be really thin, just would like to be able to wear clothes off the rack say size 12 or 10. Can't remember every wearing size 10. I remember in high school wearing size 14. Just I have always been big, not fat, just big. It caught up with me when I got married. I became less active. I was raised on a farm and I always had to help with the cows and gardening, things like that. After I got married we move to topeka, ks and I lived in town. Started having kids and the weight just came on. I remember going to weight watchers when I only weighted 164 lbs. I thought that was horrible to weight 164, I would love to be that small again. I weighed in today at 279. I want to lose like so many other are on this web site. I guess I will lose slow. I just have accept that, and not get down on myself. I have to figure out what to do in the evening, which is the hardest part for me. That is the time I really can get out of control and mess up the whole day. I have to start each day like its the first day of my diet or may I should say my life style change. I know I'm not eating nearly what I was before the band, so I assumed that I would lose faster. Guess I should just be glad that I have not gained more. If I didn't have the band no telling where I would be now. I could be at 315,320 lbls more by now. Count my blesssings.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

brownies

I'm fighting not to make brownies today. I REALLY REALLY want a brownie.Not the kind you get at the store, but real homemade kind. I just love brownies, thick, rich, chewy, moist brownies. I've got it bad today. Now that I've said that, maybe I can get on with something else. They guy's are here working. They say they will be done tomorrow. Can't believe its almost done. Eight months later and my new screened in porch is almost done. They got the carpet in, and are working on they backyard, which has almost no grass now. It's rained so much we had little rivers in the yard over the weekend. So now we have to paid the piper for this job. I'm getting excited about the trip. I tried on clothes this morning and I can now get into some of my 2X clothes, but they are still a little tight for my liking. I wish I was losing more, before I leave on my trip. I tracked my calories yesterday, was doing fine till we had peanut butter shakes for dessart yesterday evening. I ended up eating 2000 calories yesterday. Thats not acceptable at all. Guess I need to keep better track of everything. It seems like I've not eaten that much. I have had no cookies, pie or cake since March 13. That a really long time for me. No diet Coke either. I have not missed it as much as I thought I would. I do miss my cookies. I love to make, bake and eat cookies. I can even dream of eating cookies, or just food in general. I'm a real food addictive person. My husband has lost more weight than I have and I'm the one with band. I'm doing laundry and need to get it out and fold it and put it away. I hope this has help to get my mind off eating. I not hungry at all just want to eat. I'm crazy about food. How did I get this crazy, where I could eat till I can't hardly stand it, good thing is I have not done that since I got the band. I realize that I have to do this myself.. The band just helps some. I need another fill. It's only a week and half till my next appointment, and next week I will be in New York, so this week and half should fly by. Must get busy and do something.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

new day, new week

I'm not doing so good. I'm not making good choices. I need to be better, but I can eat anything I want too. No restriction at all. Only problem I have is if I eat to fast. I did eat an egg with low fat bacon bits and some cheese and it seemed to stay with me better. But I did eat some sugar free cookies also. I ate a banana for the 1st time today. Its high in fat, but it was wonderful. I still have a hard time with protien. I must eat protien 1st and stay away from the carbs. I love veggies and will try some salad today. I will make meat loaf it went down easy the other time I tried it. Why do I want to eat all the time. I know I'm not hungry. I need to excerise more. I got some tennis shoes this week end at comfort plus. Really expensive. $183!!!!!! They fit and my foot feels great. First pain of tennis shoes in four years. I have to put them on and wear them for awhile before I leave for New York next week. I really excited about the trip, concerned about all the walking that I will do, I still get really tired really easy. I got to do more. Oh well, got to do laundry and try on clothes to take with me. I have such a strange shape. It has stopped raining for awhile anyway, so that is a plus. Must get busy. Today will be a great day.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

feeling adrift at sea

I'm really feeling adrift with my food. I really don't know what to eat. I so afraid to try bread, salad, and most meats. I'm not a breakfast person, but have been drinking a protien shake, chocolate with pro complex, 340 cal , 15 carbs, 63 grams protien and 2 fat. It just doesn't stay with me. I hungry within couple or three hours. Lunch is a what ever is left over from the night before. Supper is some kind of meat, veggies. I take my pill with pudding after crushing them. I know I getting to many calories, somewhere around 1500. Yet at times food gets stuck and I don't feel so good. I can eat something some times and not at other times. I still not losing any weight. My scales bounce between 277 and 279. I hate my clothes they are not fitting right. They are too big, but the next size is to tight. Part of the problem is my big butt. If it fits the butt its to big in the stomach area. Almost all of the legs are too tight around the calves. My shirts are to big through the shoulders, but tight around the hips. I must be just built weird. I have know idea what I will wear to New York, but guess I had better figure it out. Just have a week till I leave. Can't wear t-shirts to the view, need to get something to wear. Hope I can do all the walking that is involved in being there. I really looking forward to getting away for a few days. I get really tired of worring all the time, don't think I will not worry while I gone , but may it will be better. I really need to figure out my diet. I read last night that some of the people were going to weight watchers, or doing nurti-system. I cant afford nurti-system. I was thinking that maybe I would by some south beach forzen entrees and see if I could get by on them, maybe lunch. Breakfast is just not going down this a.m. Guess I wil fix protien shake, before my grandkids get here.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Really discouraged

I have not lost anything in the past week since I had my 1st fill. I don't understand, I know I'm not eating nearly has much I use to eat, but not under 1000 cal either. I getting around 1500 a day, that alone should make me lose something. I have started to pedal every time I get a chance. I have been trying to get my water. I have protien shake for breakfast. Guess I have to eat even less. I know it is harder the older we get to lose weight. I lost more when I was on weight watchers, but I alway gave up that diet after 4 to 6 weeks. The longest I was on weight watcher was 4 to 5 months and lost about 30 lbs. I did opifast back in the late 80's and lost lots of wieght, but of course I didn't keep it off. Why can't I get a handle on this. I'M NOT DUMB, I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO TO LOSE WEIGHT. I just want the weight to come off. Guess I thought with the band it would just happen with out all the work. Maybe I'm just lazy.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

I think I have some restrictions now

I think I have some restriction now. I have really go slow eating or it kinda burns up in my throat, and that pain in the middle of my back really kills me. It feels like something is just turning around and around in side of me. I hope I start to lose now. I have not loss very much yet. Its really discouraging to see what some have lost already. I want this gone, but I now it took a long time to get this way and it will take time to have it gone.   Got some really exciting new on Saturday. I got tickets for the View on May 16. Nancy and I are going, no one else good get off to go with us. We leave on Sunday on the 13th and will come home on 17th, my brithday. Nancy's brithday is the 15th. Hope to go down to the Today show also. This will be my 4th trip to the Big Apple and Nancy's 2nd.   My daughter spent the night in the ER with my granddaughter Delaney. Her shunt was fine, she has a miragine. Its always a worry when she doesn't feel good. She will be 5 this month, can't believe it been 5 years since she was born,especially since she was not expected to make out of the delivery room. She has made great strides, she walks, talks, know her colors, goes to school 4 days a weeks. She is really really a blessing in our faimly. She is one of nine gradkids. I love them all and never get see them enough.   Well the workers will be here soon. Hope this porch thing is done this week. They are doing the wiring today and tomorrow, and putting up the screen. Carpet to be put in on Saturday. Can't wait till my house is mine again. Need to get my protien shake down before they get here.   This is going to be a great day.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

1st fill

Had my 1st fill yesterday at 10am. I can tell no differents yet. I'm on liquids till Friday. Hope on Friday I fine some differents on how much I can eat. I did lose only 1.4 lbs since my last visit to the doctor. That is really a little depressing, but I knew I was not losing and I knew I could eat way to much. I need to make better choices. I still getting many carbs. I not a great meat eater. I love cheese, but have never been able to lose weight when I eat to much cheese. I can eat beans but they are high in carbs. I don't eat eggs, I cant stand the smell or the taste of eggs. Besides I tried to eat scrambled eggs at the resturant last week and the didn't go down very good. I cant eat tuna but with the mayo and pickle relish that not to heathy either. I just have to start excerising I have no excuse now. I'm feeling much better and I'm getting my engery back. I just have to do this. The fill was the really really easy yesterday, I was really nervous, but it was a breeze.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

hungry, hungry, hungry

I'm really hungry now, could eat a horse sometimes. I need to start really counting my protien, will try increase the amount of protien that I eat. I had my shake this morning and that gives me 63 grams of protien, that does help alot, with the hunger. I have to start doing more excerise, I know this is a must. Just wish I had someone to go with to walk.Not sure just how far I can walk a one time. My knee is really sore right now. It is keeping me awake at night again. Slept really bad last night. I really am doing good between meals, my problem is evening and at night when I can't sleep. I really could use some cookies right now, I know the would make me feel better for a very few seconds, then I would be mad at myself. good thing I don't have any in the house. Oh well thing will pick up next week or by the end of this week.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

422007u

Ok I'm going to try this again for the 3rd time. I don't know what I have hit, but it earses everything. I figured out yesterday that most of diets have failed at the 4 week mark. Maybe its bordom, I really don't know. I ate some chips and dip yesterday. They went down way to easy. I have not had anything sweet (cookies, cake, pies, candy) in 5 weeks. I would kill for a brownie right now. I need to get through this next week, till my fill. I have read some of the thread and it makes me really nervous. I hope everthing goes well. I'm flirting with the 280 mark on my scales up one pound and down one pound. I walked to the cornor yesterday and back. Thats like two blocks. I need to get my strenght back. I have started to really get more done in the house, so maybe I have turned the cornor. I ate some shrimp yesterday and it did not stay down, won't try that again. Well I need to get up do something.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

monday, april 16, 2007

Had a good weekend. We had some snow in the area Friday nite into Saturday morning. Yesterday the sun was out.:clap2: They say it will be about 73 today I hope so, I need sunshine to function correctly. I was a hungry this weekend, but made it through ok. I'm not losing much right now. I seem to be able to eat almost anything, but have stuck to the diet for the most part. I would love to have some pizza and tacos, but if I give in to that craving I might fine out it to easy to eat all the wrong things. I have my 1st fill next week. I see online that most say to fast for a couple hours before, but I didn't get any info on that. So I will take advice of the blogger out there and fast for a while. Really nervous about the fill. Just don't know what will happen. I tried shrimp this weekend and it was fine, just had to chew more than some foods. I still have some trouble with chicken, but not bad. Still need to slow down, between bites. I have done a lot of cheese, cottage cheese, and yogurt. I have some different protien powders, but have not found one the is totally great. I miss my glocosamine, chondrotin. My right knee keeps me awake at nite. I fine myself waking up moaning. It gets very stiff and it really hurts to move it. I have tried a liquid glocsamine chondrotin, but it really is nasty. I will try crushing the pill again, it just it is a lot of pill powder to get down. Today will be a great day for weight loss and walking. I must walk today!!!!!!!
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

this is a great day

Well it happen today. We have a roof for the screen in porch that we have been waiting for, six months, we have been waiting. I had begin to believe it would never happen. We started this journey in Sept and told it would take 2 months. Everything under the sun happen to this project, from rain,snow, to the construction supervisor not passing a test for city, to the city changing the rules. It looks like it may happen now.   I'm doing so much better today. The sun has shone for the first time in about a week. I can't stand it when we have no sunshine. It going rain tomorrow and maybe even snow Friday nite and Saturday morning. I hope their wrong. It's so cold way below average.   I have not been too hungry today.:clap2: I thing I need to take more of the benafiber. I have to order my meds for the mail order rx. TODAY HAS BEEN GREAT SO FAR. Hope to see more of these day.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

soupy tuesday 4-10-2007

Its raining today, which the sun would shine and warm up just a little bit. Can't wait to get my 1st fill. I'm wanting something sweet, like a brownie or cookie. I'm a cookie monster big time. I have never met a cookie that I didn't like. Its been 4 weeks since I have had any thing sweet. Thats a really long time for me to go without sweet things. I'm drinking a glass of water right now maybe that will help. Who am I kidding. Its really bad when you have to tell yourself that water is the answer.   I proud of myself, I haven't missed the diet coke at all. That really surprises me. I thought it would be the hardest thing to do, but it's not. Wish rest of the stuff would be that easy. I'm going to try tuna tonite for supper. I have never just ate tuna without bread. I'm to scared to try bread, besides if I fine out that it goes down easy, it might be to easy to eat something else that I don't want to start eating again.   Time to get busy, and stop feeling sorry for myself. This is want I wanted. I do feel better, but still have low energy level, hoping that will get better soon.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

must keep busy

Yesterday was Easter, it was the first day that I was really down. I hate the holidays. My family is so fractured and we don't do things together any more. I just hate it. I wish that my dh would not be so rigid when it come to our children. I wish he could forgive. Sometimes it worrys me that he's that way. There is always that what if that I live with, what if I don't do want he wants, what if I disappoint him. I hate what ifs.. I really wanted to eat something yesterday. I didn't.   I'm eating about 1200 to 1500 calories a day. Need to get the calorie count down to 1000 a day. Maybe it will be easier when I get my first fill on the 25th. I have to start walking, but its been so cold out side. I suppose to warm up this week. I'm trying to be more active around the house also. I just want this weight gone, now.   Things will be better.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

so far so good

I drove today to get my toenails done. Did ok with the driving, guess I have no excuse now to go to the store for some food. I have had chicken, and I cooked a pork tenderloin in the pressure cooker and the didn't give me any trouble. My biggest problem is eating to fast, must learn to slow down. I still having problem with getting enough water in each day. Probably I get maybe six glass per day. That really good concerning I didn't drink much before my band, this is life long problem. I'm not missing my diet coke the way I thought I would.   I can tell that I am losing either weight or inches maybe both the way my clothes are feeling. I have got to get to walking. I have put it off, but now its turned cold again. I will try using the little pedal wheel thing in the house tonight. I really have to start getting my streght back, Its been two week now. My incisions are healed.   I have my first fill in three week, little nervous about that. I need to call and see if I need someone to go with me. Oh well its time to go get the trash gathered up for tomorrow.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

new week

It's Monday morning and I'm feeling great. It's 13 days post-op and I just now feeling hungry for the first time. I woke up that way this morning. I ate oatmeal and yogurt for breakfast, feel as if I could get a horse. I have to decide what to eat for lunch. I liked it better when I had only to get something liquid, limited choices seem to make my decision power much better. It looks like my weight is down again to about 283. Yeah.   Need to get busy and do something to keep my mind busy and my hands busy. I also have to start walking, but my b/p has been low. I keep telling my that that is just a excuse, but I do get very dizzy. I think I will go through my closet and take out winter clothes and put the up for now. I will then have to decie what to do with them. Some are really good thing that will need to be sold or put on ebay. Guess I need to get busy for now.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

not sleeping tonite

Just went to bed at 10:30, but by 12:00 was up again. I'm having some pain in my right thigh and leg when I lay down(don't know what thats all about). Just took some advil PM. just hoping it make me sleepy. This is the 12th day post-op. Not having any pain, not really too hungry yet, haven't even miss my diet coke that I have been hooked on for years. Hope this doesn't past. I have been surprised that my husband has been so supportive of me so far, but fear he will get tire of me not cooking any more. Food has been one the most important things for us.   I went to my check up this week and all was fine I had lost 14.7 lbs since my pre-op vist. My pre-op weight was 301!!!!! Thats my highest ever weight. Want to get down to 140-150 lbs. I can't even imagine what that would be like. I don't remember being that small since high school, many, many moons ago.   I just want to be able to excerise, climb stairs, walk, play with my grandkids without getting sob. I want to buy clothes in regalur department. I'm excited about this new journey that I have began. I know its a long road but I'm trying to be postive.
carol1951

carol1951

3
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