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New Year New Me I think?

Well its been awhile since I've been here on the site. I did a lot of cooking for the holiday and it tells. I have gained about 7 lbs and now I'm on the way down again. I have lost 2 of the 7 lbs. I now have to commit to a new life style and excersise program. I have thought a lot about what I really want and it is to lose at least 50 lbs this year. That's a pound a week. Thats not a lot but over few years that will add up to a lot. I have to have a mental change as well a physical change. I know that I have been way to inactive to lose very much so my commit to excersise has to start with me changing my mind set. I did do a little yesterday. I do wear a pedometer. Yesterday I took only 1995 steps. My new commit is to take at least 2000 steps a day for the next week. I know thats not a lot for an active person, but I'm not active at all. So maybe next week I will commit to additional steps and so on till I get up to 10,000 steps a day by years end or before. This is my promise to myself. I will be more postive this year also and not so down all the time. Now I have to have a mental change as far as food goes. I have to stop doing what is easy. I really do that a lot. I will grab something because I wait to long to eat and then I will go for anything that's not nailed down. I have to do more planning and I need to start with what I will do on a weekly bases. I will do this starting right now. I know that I can't eat a bowl of cereal and be full. I need to fix a bowl of oatmeal and then have a protien shake to sip on for a couple of hours and I will be happier. I have to make changes that I really never wanted to make, but I know that I can do it. I know that is the first of the new year and I will not forget this promises to myself. I don't go back to the doctor again till the 16th. I will try of lose all that I have gained over the holiday. Then we have to talk about if this band has a leak. I do really good for a few days after getting a fill then I'm back to being able to eat anything I want and in almost any amount. Last time I was there the did a swallowing eval and I had not stretch out my pouch. May need to have them take all the water out and see how much is there. I will do this.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

afraid

I don't know why I'm afraid of things, but I am. I guess part of it is I'm afraid of change. Eating in comfortable its what I am. If I don't eat what will I do. I am afraid to talk to people so I just don't talk. People think I'm unfriendly, but I'm not. I just don't know how to talk to people. I'm always afraid that they won't like me. I am afraid to ask the hard questions, because I might have to make a change in my life. What am I afraid of? I don't like what I have became and I don't like hiding behind this wall of fat. So what am I afraid of. Change can't be as bad as my life is right now. How could it get any worst. I am afraid if I don't get the answers I want then I will have to make major changes in my life. I don't know if I have the courage to do that. I am afraid of losing my best friend and I have been this way for so long that I don't know any other way. Why am I always afraid of what others will think of me. When did I became this way? What made me this way? Why am I so afraid of life?
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

2-26-08

Really really discourged today. I've gain yet again. I have to get this under control. I really don't feel any restriction. I know I'm suppose to have 4.2 cc in my 4.0 cc band. I really don't believe it. I think there is a leak. They want me to have only 1 cup at a time, but I'm not filled up with only one cup. I just don't know what to do. I got this band thinking it would help me feel full, therefore I would not eat, but low and behold I'm hungry most of the time. I'm going to try to do liquids today till supper time. I hope this works. I have spent way to much money and time on this for it not to work. I think I will see about joining the y today. I need somewhere where I can go to walk. I'm hoping I can find a support group somewhere that will help me deal with my addiction to food. I'm really feeling like a huge failure at this. I could go back to weight watchers, I have had some luck with them at times, but thats just more money every week. I just don't know what to do. I have another appointment at the doctors in two week, debating on weather I will go or not. What good does it to go and have them put more fill in when its not doing anything. I would like to know if I really have that much in my band. If there is a leak what would they do. I have to decide if I want another band or maybe I should do bypass. I'm really conficted on this right now. If I don't go in two weeks when should I give up and have it removed. I just don't know what to do. I really really down right now.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

8-7-07

Not having a bad day, just an plain old same day. I have tried to keep busy. I have made up serveral packets for my scrapbooking weekend coming up. I need to make a plan for that weekend. Food of course, so that I don't get taken by surprise with the food. We have a suite I think,but don't know if it has refrig or anything like that. If I eat out I will need to figure out when to go and what to eat before I get there. I know bread is out, so won't be going to any hamburger joints. Need to find some place with good protien sources. Need to find if the hotel has a refrig first, guess I should call the place. If the have a refrig I will just take some stuff to make a salad with chicken or roast beef, or may ham. I don't like breakfast so could take my smoothie maker and have protien shake for breakfast. I really hadn't given this any thought till now. This is the first time that I will be away for the weekend. Really looking forward to that.   I go next week for another fill I hope this is the one that really makes a difference. I have 2.5 cc in a 4 cc band. They are so expensive I really want to have the restriction I need.   I will try to eat more protien and try to stay away from cheese. I did have a couple of pieces of chocolate last night. No other junk food yesterday. I did peddle yesterday for 11 minutes, I think I will try for 15 tonight.   Stay strong, live long.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

lonely

I'm feeling very alone today. Why don't I make the correct choices. I know exactly what I should do, but then turn around and do the wrong thing. Is it just human nature or I'm I just try to defeat myself. I had my second fill the other day and I'm eating today, but I want to eat all the wrong thing today. I want to eat pizza, I know that some say that we don't just eat to be eating. I love food. I love pizza, it has nothing to do with feeling bad, or hating myself. I know sometimes it is because I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm happy or anyother emotional thing, but sometimes its just because I love that food. What I need to do is control what I eat. Eat only one piece of pizza not three or four. Since I have been banded I have eat pizza, mostly I eat the toppings and not the crust. I have not eaten bread and love bread when it hot and butter. I have not had a sandwich, I have not had a diet coke. I'm not sure why we are not to drink diet coke, but I haven't. Sure am getting tired of water. I don't like to drink a lot of anything and I know that's a problem. It also a problem when the till you not to drink one hour before and one hour after. Then add your eating time in and that is a big chunk out of your day, more than 6 hours that you can't drink, which only leaves about 9 hours or less to drink all that water. I need to excerise more, but my knee really does hurt. I have try to increase what I'm doing daily and need to add a short walk to my daily routine. Can't go to far or the knee hurts and the hip hurts. I hope that gets better as I lose weight. Time will tell if it helps or if I have to go to the doctor again to see about them. The last doctor told me that I need to lose weight. The knees are gone, but not bad enough to replace, can't imagine what the have to be like to have them fixed. I need to expend more calories then I take in. That is the formula for losing weight.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

11-13-07

Still not doing so good, but I'm hanging in there. I make no excuses for my behavior. I know I'm doing this to myself, so I ask for no sympathy, but I do ask for understanding. I know this is not an easy path and if anyone thinks it its then they need a reality check. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I'm an emotional eater, which is make everything harder. Lots of thing play into my overeating, things that I must workout for myself. Some are childhood, marriage, and children issues. I'm trying to do better and some day are good and other are a bitch. I would like better restriction, but then I think maybe my restriction is good if I would work the program like I should. I still have problems with chicken and bread. I really miss bread, I didn't think I would because I was never a great big bread eater, but I would love to be able to eat a sandwich for lunch with some soup. I need to eat more salads. I have trouble first thing in the morning so I usually have a protien shake. I have found that if I eat cereal that cereal doesn't hold me nearly as well as the protien shake does. I have to keep busy or I do want to eat just because. The head hunger thing is really hard to control at times, but I try to keep busy that really helps. I know other people are doing so good and some day that will be me too. I will hang in and it will come just slower than most.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Home alone again

My DH just left for his big week long camping out with his highschool buddies. I know he couldn't hardly wait to go, he tries to play it down, but I know he can't wait to get there. I just wish he would get tired of them. They have been doing this for 30+ years. I think this is the first year one of the guys is only going to be there one evening. Maybe the rest will get tire of acting like kids and grow up. I know he has fun, but after 30 years it about time to give it up.   I'm alone in the house and I have so much I need to be doing, but I have yet to get started. I usually get a lot done this week, while hes out of the house. He isn't going to Canada fishing this year, this will be the first year in about 20 that he hasn't done that. He spends more time with his buddies camping and fishing then he has with me in the 37 years. I can count on one hand how many vacations we have had together. I should never have let him start all the trips, but I was busy with kids, working, and I never seem to have the vacation time. You know I always had to take time off when the kids were sick, so I never had the time for vacations. Now that I have retired from the work force you think we would go somewhere, but no we don't. I went to New York with my girlfriend in May for 4 nights and five days, of course my DH couldn't get off work. That the usually excuse that I hear a lot when I want to go some where. He always has time for his camping trips. It really hurts my feeling. I really tried to tell him couple of years ago how I felt, but as usally he is not in tune with my feeling. He alway makes me feel guilty about things. I always felt like he is a good provider and he deserved to have special time, but sometimes I just wish we want to have the time with me. Oh well I'm just feeling sorry for myself today.   The challenge for this week is to be good while I'm by myself. I know is will go good. I hope to get a lot done.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Exercise today

Here it is 9:17 and I have already walked with my daughter. I walked about 3/4 of a mile today. My knees and hip hurt less today, so maybe I'm getting use to the walking. My goal for this month is to increase my daily excercise from nothing to something. I have walked 4 out of the last seven days. That is really great for me, now I just have to keep it up. Now that excercise is coming on board I have to get my calorie intact down. I have some restriction but not very much. I don't eat as much as I did, but I still taking in about 1500 calories a day.   I must stay postive and upbeat and see what I can do today.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

New day, new month

Iwill try to walk or peddle every day this month, or at least 5 out of 7 day a week. I did really good yesterday I walk for .8 miles and peddled for 20 minutes. I know that excersise is the only way that I'm going to lose weight.   I got on the scale this morning and the scale was down, but won't get my hopes up till it stays down. I won't believe it till it stay there for a few days. I go to my PCP on Friday. I hope the weight is down and I hope my Hgac1 is good. I really haven't been watching my blood sugar all that close.   I'm in much better spirts than I have been in a while. I made up my mind that I was going to have to fight to lose this weight. The fat is not wanting to go without fighting me. It's not going to win.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

12-4-07

Well I'm back from the doctors and I had gained 4 lbs. I told her that I don't always make the must choices. I can't eat bread and have to be careful with chicken and beef. I can eat to fast and need really chew my food. She told me she wanted to do a barium swallow to make sure the pounch and my esphougus was not stretched. So the swallow test turn out fine. So she put in 1cc and the had me drink water and started pulling out fluid till if felt the water do down. So ended up with another .2cc in my band. I now have 3.9cc in band. Will see if this makes a differance. I have been able to eat just about anything I want. I have never be restricted to just a 1/2 cup of food. I hope this makes a differance this time. I would love to drop a few pounds I know I have to do my part and start working the band. I'm doing much better. I have not brought any cookies or candy in a long time. I'm trying to eat my protien first. I need to decrease my carbs. Well today is a new day and I'm having a protien shake right now. So far so good. I don't feel like I'm a tight. Well see what the rest of the week brings. Got to get busy I have a tree to decorate.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

thankful that thanksgiving is over

Thank the Lord the holiday is over, and also my husband is back to work( he took last week off). It was a very quiet thanksgiving this year. I did cook, but ate very little. I didn't eat any turkey on turkey day. After cooking most of the day it wasn't very appealing, I did eat some cheese ball with crackers, a very small piece of pumpkin pie and small pie of dixie pie. I ate 7 layer salad, which was really good. I haven't gain over the holiday witch is a mircle in itself. So now I have to get down to business and try to lose some weight. I haven't lost anything in months, but really want to lose about 10 to 20 lbs before the end of January when we go on vacation. I'm tired of lugging around all this weight. I really tired of my clothes not fitting. The clothes thing is really getting to me. I have not changed sizes at all . You would think with losing 30 lbs something would of changed. All my clothes feel funny, like the don't go over my hips very good, but still they hang now between my legs. I just hate having to pull them up all the time. When I sit the crotch seems way to far down and I have to adjust the way I'm sitting or get up and pull them up. The front of my pant is way to big where my stomach so fit, but the butt is still to big. My body is just so weird. All of a sudden I have rolls on my legs that never were there before. I guess menopause has something to do with it. My skin is so dry now. This getting old is not what its cracked up to be. Well guess I will drink some more water and then eat some salad. The holiday will be a real test for this band. I guess I should just be glad that I'm not gaining any weight. I should name the band, but can't come up with the correct name. I know that a name will come to me sometime soon. Oh will things will be what they are suppose to be. I just have to have faith that all will happen in the correct time. I'm going to send all the sweet stuff out of the house, I can't handle sweet thing being in the house. I LOVE SWEETS. I MUST NOT HAVE THEM IN THE HOUSE. I MUST BE STRONG. I WILL HAVE A GOOD DAY AND A GOOD WEEK. I WILL LOSE SOMETHING THIS WEEK. I WILL TRY TO WALK MORE. I WILL NOT FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF. I WILL TRY TO MAKE MORE EFFORT IN ALL MY RELATIONSHIPS. I WILL LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES. I WILL EAT MORE PROTIEN. I WILL DRINK MORE WATER. I still haven't had a coke since the day before surgery. I miss my diet coke, sometime I really crave it. If I can give up diet coke, then I should be able to give up sweets.   Thank the Lord for this day and let me be thankful for all that the Lord has provided for me.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Not a good week

This week has really sucked. I have really really been bad, I have over ate at most meals. Sunday was the worst day for eating I have had since I started this journey. I just grazed all day, on anything that would stand still. Yesterday was really not bad, but I was sitting and sewing all day. I lost a screw out of my pedometer and I can't track my walking right now, it was what held the clip on. I still know that I didn't walk enought yesterday. I did get all my quilt blocks done and now I need to put them together. I will have to find time to go back to my sisters to do that.   I need to start tracking my food intake again and my fix my pedometer. I really miss the pedometer it was like a game to see if I would walk more then the day before. Some days I walk a lot and some day I don't walk very much at all. I have gained this week,so I have to get my head back in the game. I not ready to stop losing yet. I do feel a lot better and I have only lost 36 lbs, so I need to get with the program and lose lose lose.   I know I can do this. I know that I will feel every better. I know that I will look a lot better. I know I will like the way I look a better. I know I will feel more normal. I know I will like myself better if I'm sucessful. I know that I can do this all by myself. I know that I'm alone in this journey, no one can do it for me. This is the path I have choosen for myself. This is the right path for me. I know that I will have bad days and I know I will have good days. I know I will question everything and anything that I do everyday. I know that it will take time to suceed in this journey. I know there will be day that I get discourged and I must just ride the wave that day. I know that I weight myself way to much. I know that I put way to much weight on what the scale says. I know I will do this.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

lot going on this weekend

I trying to get stuff ready for a garage sale at Dana's tomorrow. I have stuff in the van, but DH won't be home till late, so can't get stuff for the truck till later.   I weight again this am down to 268.2 this morning. Here goes the yo-yo between to numbers. I did do better yesterday with my drinking. Of course that included a protien shake that I had for lunch. I still am able to eat a lot. I worry that I have stretched out my pouch. I'm eating around 2-3 cups of food at a time. I do pretty good between meals. I don't snack very often. Not like I use to, which was pretty much all day long. It was just one long meal from time I got up till I went to bed. I now go 2-3 hours at time and some times I don't even think about eating. Thats amazing to me because I have thought so much about food all my life that even a couple of hours without a food thought is a miricle in its self.   I still can't trust that I will ever be thin or thinner then I am now. Its be so long I don't even remember being thin any more. I think I need to change my thinking. I get really discouraged because I can't believe that this will work for me. Nothing has ever worked for me, so why would this. This thinking is very distructive, because if I get just a down then I just want to throw in the towel and eat whatever is available. I'm trying not to buy things that will be easy to grab and eat. Thats what I like to do, is grab and eat. I had a very hard time this morning trying to decide what to eat for breakfast. 1st I wanted something very easy to grab and eat. 2nd I don't care for breakfast foods. 3rd I don't want to take the time to cook something.   Will I every learn to be a normal person :faint:
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

Did I make a mistake?

I wondering if I made a mistake in getting the band, its not working for me the way I thought it would. I can still eat way to much and I don't make the best decisions. I got the band thinking it would limit how much I could eat, but I still can eat just about anything I want to. I have never got down to only 1/2 cup. I can eat about 2cups at a time. I have to slow down to eat or I pb but I still cant eat to much. I feel like I have screwed up everything. I'm so weak when it come to eating. I love to cook and now I try not to, but I still have to cook something or else I will just eat anything. I have don't buy cookies or pies anymore and I sure don't buy cake. I made one for my husband a couple of weeks ago and I had to throw the rest of it out because I just couldn't leave it a lone. I could eat till I puke I think. What is wrong with you, are you just an crazy old woman, who should have just left things the way the were and just been fat the rest of your life. I do feel better, but my knees are sore most of the time and I have no energy. I really sometimes I feel like it was a mistake to get the band. I know people are looking at me wondering when I'm going to lose weight. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

sunshine today

Monday, July 2, 2007. Looks like we will have some sunshine today:whoo::whoo:. I'm so tired of all the clouds and rain we have been having. I worked out in the yard for about an hour yesterday. I need to go walk or do something for excersize today, besides laundry. I did pretty good this weekend. It really helps not having anything in the house to eat. I did have some problems with my pizza Friday nite. I know better than to try the crust. I usaully only eat the toppings only, but since we were babysitting I forgot and ate the crust. I slimed just a small amount. Then Saturday nite my hamburger(without the bun) did want to go down either. I did really bad on the water front on Saturday, Sunday was much better. It helps when I do a protien shake also. THIS IS GOING TO BE A BATTLE EVERYDAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!!! It's discourging to think I have to do this the rest of my life so guess I think of it as one day at a time. My problem is that some day I just don't feel like doing the battle.   How do I maintain that excitement and the wonder of something new. Its kinda like marriage in that the honeymoon period is over now and I have to make this work for me. I just have to stick with it, no divorce for me from my band. The band is here to stay.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

This adventure I'm on

This is an adventure that I'm on right now, take so much of my time and energy. I'm living breathing it every minute of every day. I'm trying so hard to do this and the weight is so slow coming off. I know it took year to put on, but I what it off NOW!!   I walked today with my daughter maybe a 1/2 mile and I hope it helps. I'm trying to do more each day. I have been using some band to work on my arm that swing in the air everyday.   One of my biggest problem, I believe, is that I can't even believe that I will be thin. I can't even believe that it will every happen. It has been a dream for a long time, will it every happen. If I can change that thought about never being thinner, then maybe I can win this battle. I feel like I'm doing battle everyday with myself. Why can't I eat like a normal person, why does food have such a hold over me. I know I do it because it makes me feel better for a few minutes, but that doesn't last all that long. I know I eat because I love to eat, I do it because I'm feeling low, or because I'm mad or happy. Why is every emotion that I have tied to food. I know sometimes I'm not even hunrgy, but I feel like I want to eat. I'm really getting in touch with my feeling now. I really want to do this right and feel better. THE WAR WILL BE WON, ITS THE SMALL BATTLES THAT IS TAKING ALL MY WILL POWER FOR NOW. I WILL WIN THE SMALL BATTLES SO THAT I CAN WIN THE WAR!!!!!:clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2:
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

2-21-08

I'm beginning to think I need professional help with my eating. I can't seem to stop myself from eating all the wrong things. I know I'm eating way to much. They want me to eat only 1 cup at a time, but that just doesn't fill me up. Then there is the times I know I'm not hungry, but I just feel the need to eat something. Sometimes I crave sweets and sometimes it something salty. I try to reason with myself, but doesn't always work. I try to decide if something is on my mind and most of the time there really isn't anything. I know sometimes I'm just bored, so I try to find something else to do. I just have to get this under control.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Yet another fill

Well yesterday they added another .3cc to my band, now at a total of 4.2 in my 4.0 band. I don't know if this time will do the trick or not. I did liquids yesterday and was find, and today I have ate oatmeal for breakfast and rice pudding for lunch. I feel full, but not I still don't feel a lot of restriction. They are going to do another barium swallow next month see if everything is ok. I still wonder if I have a leak somewhere. Because I feel some restriction right after I get a fill then in a couple of week nothing. They want me to only eat 1 cup at a time and see what happens. I really can eat more, but they think that I could be backing up in my esphogus. The last barium swallow showed no stretching and I did that one in December. I know my luck is I problem have a leak. I don't have very good luck at anything.   Oh well I will see how it goes in the next few days. I really think I might go back to weight watchers for awhile and see if I can lose a few lbs that way. I really have to get this weight off my aching joints. So I have to do more in choosing the right foods. I still fight myself. I still have that big hole that I can't fill.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Eating

I heard a man on the View today talking about weight loss drugs. The interesting thing was he said was that overweight people tend not to eat breakfast or lunch, then eat to much in the evening. He could have been talking about me. I really don't like breakfast although I try to eat breakfast everyday. Some day I'm just not hungry in the morning and somedays its 10 or 11 before I'm hungry. I really need to start eating early, but I'm alway afraid that if I eat to early I will be hungry later and won't have anything left to eat for the day. I then overeat in the evening. I must change this behavior. I alway have food to eat and no one is going to take food away from me. So why do I have this thought in my head that I wouldn't have anything to eat. Even if I eat everything I should for the day I still have food in the house so this is not a reasonable thought. That is a crazy thought. Ok now that is know this I have to change want I do. I just have to figure out what or how I want to handle this. :help::help::help:
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

Just want to lose

I just want to lose weight. I'm so discouraged. I haven't really lost anything in two months. I weight myself everyday. I can't seem to leave scale alone for more than a day. Six weeks ago when I went in for a fill I had lost 4lbs in a month. Then two weeks ago when I went for my fill I had lost only 1 lb in a month. I just want to lose. I have start excerising and I try to count calories. I know that I don't eat as much as I use to, but I'm not losing. I really thought this was the way to go, but guess I will never be thin or smaller. I haven't even changed sizes yet, still wearing 3X. I have lost 31 lbs. I told myself that I would be happy if I lost anything at all, but that was a lie to myself. I want to lose. I want to be a normal size. I want to feel good. I do feel some better, my knee doesn't hurt nearly as much. I want to get off some the drugs I have been on for years. I want to travel and not have to feel out of place on airplanes. I want to walk in a store, or anyplace I go without people staring at me. I WANT TO BE NORMAL.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

What have I done

What in the world is wrong with me. I went to the grocery store this morning and got all the wrong things. I got a piece of pie, ice cream, muffins and a candy bar. Why do I do this??? I know better then this. I really thing sometimes I a crazy as a loon. I did eat a muffin, but thank God it didn't go down well, won't eating any more of those. On the other had the pie went down way to easy, I only ate the filling could of care less about the crust. By the way it was coconut cream my farovite pie. So now I'm beating myself up over doing something so stupid. I guess is was really unhappy that I haven't heard from my DH yet. Maybe he will take time to call tonight. I know he is probably having a ball, but I would like to know that he does think of me once and a while.   I have been busy this week cleaning my scrapebooking room and that is good. I have not slept well the last two nights which I believe doesn't help matter when I'm down. I always turn to food. I need to find something to replace food with. I'm trying to stay busy and keep my hands busy so that I don't turn to food. I must say though I don't eat nearly has much as I use to. If this had been before the band I probably would have comesumed a lot more than just a muffin and a pie filling. By the way that is all that I have ate today. I am not hungry in the least and will just have salad tonight for my supper. I will fix a taco salad with ground beef (97% fat free), lettuce, ranch style beans, tomato, and a small amount of fritos (for crunch) and then dressing(green goddess). I will have extra meat and go light on the dressing. I have been drinking water pretty good this week I need to get more water in everyday.   Oh well guess I will go clean some more. This journal really helps me. I guess it could have been worst. I really don't eat as much as I use to. I will try to go walk a little pretty soon. A cold front to to go through today and tomorrow will only be in the low 80's. Can't wait I will turn off the air and enjoy the fresh air for a few days.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Home again

Got home yesterday. Had a wonderful time in New York. I love going to the View and and Today Show. We went to the View on the 16th and the Today Show on the 15 and 17th. We to two broadway plays. One was Spring Awaken and the other was Curtains. Both have been nomiated for Tony's. Curtains was more my style.   I had a great time, but why am I such a push over. I really had a wonderful time, but I didn't do some of thing I wanted to do. I really wanted to go to some of the Food Network places and some to the famous chefs places. Our hotel room was the room from hell. I didn't know they could make rooms that small in a hotel. Good thing we were not in it that much. My knee hurt a lot, but not as much as my hips. My hip feel as though they are tighten up as I walk then I have to stop and rest. I did get some new tennis shoes and I thing they helped. My feet all hurt, of course the left foot was the worst. It would thingle and go numb some to time. I must have walk a thousand miles.(HA HA)   I didn't lose weight, but I didn't gain weight either. I really want to lose faster. I go for my fill on Monday morning and hope this time it makes a difference. I really tired of not losing. I know my clothes are fitting looser and that helps, but I really haven't even dropped one size yet. I am going to by a dvd that is a walking dvd and hope it helps me start to excersize more. The walking in New York really helped, but my knee is really sore, I hope the walking will help to make my knee stronger.
carol1951

carol1951

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I think I have it

I believe I have finely have restriction. Its not bad, just can't eat to fast or to big a bite. I have to chew really good anything solid, like chicken, roast beef, or some veggies. I really excited and hopeful this will do the trick and I will start losing faster. I really want to lose this weight and I really don't want to take 5 years to do it. If it does take 5 years that will be ok, just as long as I don't every go back to where I was. I have lost 36 lbs and that only a fraction of what I need to lose, but at least I didn't gain.   I just spent the last two day quilting with my sister and I didn't get my excersise, but I didn't gain. I didn't get enough water either. My sisters ice tasted funny to me and I just couldn't get anything that tasted good. I really didn't over eat. I now feel full most of the time. I still have to stop myself from just grazing, which is what I alway did before.   My brother had his knee replaced on Monday and is going home today. He's really doing good, I'm very proud of him and the way that he doing. Its hard to keep a old farmer down.   Everything going fine for now.
carol1951

carol1951

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so far so good

I drove today to get my toenails done. Did ok with the driving, guess I have no excuse now to go to the store for some food. I have had chicken, and I cooked a pork tenderloin in the pressure cooker and the didn't give me any trouble. My biggest problem is eating to fast, must learn to slow down. I still having problem with getting enough water in each day. Probably I get maybe six glass per day. That really good concerning I didn't drink much before my band, this is life long problem. I'm not missing my diet coke the way I thought I would.   I can tell that I am losing either weight or inches maybe both the way my clothes are feeling. I have got to get to walking. I have put it off, but now its turned cold again. I will try using the little pedal wheel thing in the house tonight. I really have to start getting my streght back, Its been two week now. My incisions are healed.   I have my first fill in three week, little nervous about that. I need to call and see if I need someone to go with me. Oh well its time to go get the trash gathered up for tomorrow.
carol1951

carol1951

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not a bad weekend

I had a really pretty good weekend concerning I was at my sisters and we had lots of food. I was only up a couple of ounces this morning on the scales.   Cheryl really looks bad, she has really had a ruff time of it this spring and summer. She has lost a lot of weight and she was not that big to begin with. Her skin just hangs on her and looks almost anorexic. She cant eat any wheat now and has to real careful of her diet. She had a bad case of diverticulitis. My aunt told her next time to go to the city and not mess around with any small town doctors. My aunt is a doctor. I'm worried about her. She has no energy and is tired all the time.   I really enjoyed seeing my Aunt and my nieces. We had a good time and I feel pretty good about what I ate. I did have a couple of sweets, but not near what I would have eaten a year ago. I know that this weight will come off. I have to get in gear and start exercising. I know that I will when I make up my mind to do it. I am fighting it right now and I really dont know why. I have to walk, I can't afford to join a gym right now. I hope it will cool down in the next month and maybe I will get started. My aunt thinks I should find a water exercise class, but I can't even think of putting this hugh body into a swim suit. I need to get over that too. Oh well have to much to do need to get going. At least I moving a lot more than I was. I'm way to senitive about how I look. I make myself sick and I can't imagine what anyone else would think. I know I shouldn't worry what others think, but I just don't like the way I look in most clothes, and how could anyone else stand to look at me. My husband doesn't even look at me why would anyone want to look at me either. I will get better has the weight comes off. How could I have been so blind in the past not to notice how terrible I looked. Noone even my husband or kids said anything to me. :omg:
carol1951

carol1951

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