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Back from the Doctor

Just got back from the doctor. I lost only 3.2 lbs, for a for a total fo 30.6 lbs. I can have only clear liquids today and full liquids tomorrow. I seem only to lose on those two days of the month. I'm going to change what I eat. I'm going to try more protien. I don't really like protien, but will try to eat more.   I'm really discourged, but I really need to accept some to the blame for not losing more. I eat way to many carb and not the correct kind of carbs. I love fruit and veggie and I need to figure out how to eat them with out eating to many. I need to rid myself of my chocolate addiction. I just love chocolate. I gave up diet coke, surely I can give up chocolate. Most sweets don't bother me. I know that I can't have cookies or brownies in my house. If I have them around I'm doomed from the start. I done real good not buying them.   I really ready to go to a smaller size. I'm still wearing the same things. My clothes were so tight and now they are getting loose. Maybe a few more pounds and I will be able to get into something smaller. I really want to change everything in my life. I want to wear really cute clothes. I tried on some 2x clothes this morning, but I didn't like the way my stomach looked in the clothes. It will probably be hanging to my knees by the time I lose all this weight.   I know I will do better. Just disappointed that I didn't do better this month.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

back from doctor

Went to see my regular doctor today. I last saw him about 2 weeks be for my banding. I had lost 26 lbs according to their scales. Guess that now to bad, but I wish it was just a little higher. I would like to lose 10lbs per month. I'm losing approx. 1-2 lbs a week. I know that is what they want you to lose, but I want it to come off just a little faster than that. I really haven't lost since I had my last fill 2 weeks ago. I seem to lose only when I'm on the liquid part of the diet. I will try watching my fats and carbs a little closer. I averaging 1500 cal per day and that is so much less then it was before my banding. I would think I would lose even faster than I am. Doctor was please with my weight lost, my iron was down and if its not back up when I go back in he wants to do another colonscopy a little early. I have to eat more iron for next couple of months. My hgbac1 was 6.5 same as in march, was hoping it would go down now that I have lost a little weight, maybe next time.   Delaney had a seizure while I was at the doctor. I have been home all week, but not here when she need me. I'm the closer to the school than her mother and I can give her her medicine. She seem ok for now.   So far today has been good. Its a little sticky out and my have storm later on today. Well must make some lunch. I'm hungry.:hungry::hungry::hungry:
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

back from another fill

I just got back from the doctors office. I got another .2cc in my band. I hope this works. I really want to be able to get that magical 1/2 cup that I see everyone talking about. I still have been able to eat 1 1/2 cups to 2 cups and I really want to lose weight. I'm going to Florida in January and I hope to be down another 10 lbs. I will have to work really hard to get there with the holidays just around the corner. I'm not real upset that I had gain 1lb this past six weeks. I knew that I'm not anywhere near perfect. I really don't make good decisions when it come to food. I know I'm a emotional eater and that I will have more to over come than a lot of people. Well my challenge is to lose 10 lbs by January 15. Let's see if I can do it.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

back from 2nd fill

Just back from my second fill. I'm really really disappointed that I have only lost 23 lbs. since March 12.:scared: I thought it would come off a lot faster than this. I know that I haven't put a lot of work into this so far, but I have really cut down on what I eat. That alone should have drop a couple of hundred pounds. Clear liquids today, then full liquids, then mushies, I don't know if I can do clear liquids all day or not. I'm so hungry right now, guess I will eat jello. I had a good weekend, need to excersize today and I'm not sure what I will do. I have a new dvd for walking and I should get it out and try it. I wish that I could wear a smaller size, but not yet things are getting looser,but not yet to big. My size 2x are still to tight.   I can't even image what it will like to wear a size 14 or 12. That doesn't even seem possible, maybe that one of my problems. I know that I have lost 23 lbs in two months and maybe I will be down 100lbs in 10 months, but that doesn't even seem possible. I have been so fat for so long that I can't see myself any other way. Also I usually give up by this time. I have lost faster on other diets and have not had lasting results, so maybe this is way to go. Slow but sure. I know I will do this this time.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

Another fill today

Well I went to doctor today and lost only 3 lbs this past month. I have to start keeping tract again. Why do I fight keeping track of what I eat. I just hate measuring and weighting everything I eat. I want to do what normal people do, I want to eat a salad or soup or sandwich and not worry that I'm eating to much. At the rate I'm losing it will take years and years for me to lose all my weight. I have lost 4 lbs in the last 2 months. I have lost a total of 35.8 lbs since banding march 20. In 6 six months that is not very much. I know at least I didn't gain 35.8 lbs. Anyway the add another .5 cc in my band that brings me to 3.5 cc in my 4cc band. I hope I'm not to full. Of course I'm on liquid the next 48 hours. I have read on the threads that some doctors are not doing that now. I will not eat at least till tomorrow nite then just soft foods. Will see how I do with liquids. I had protien shake for lunch today, went down fine, just took me a hour to drink it. I would love to lose 10 lbs this next month. Maybe I should settle for 5 lbs a month and be happy.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

another fill today

I went for another fill today. I had only lost 2.2 lbs this last month. They added another .5 cc so now I have 3.0 cc in my 4 cc band. I hope this works this time. I'm just a little discouraged, not down like I was last time. I knew that I hadn't lost very much by my own scales. I will have to try harder this time. The post fill diet really s####. I can't stand the clear liquid part of it, tomorrow I can have full liquids. I'm not sure why the have you do this. Oh well its only 2 days out of my life. I WANT RESTRICTION. I WANT TO LOSE MORE THAN 2 LBS A MONTH. At 2 lbs a month it will take me more than 5 years to lose this weight. I will be older than dirt by that time. I shouldn't whine, at least I didn't gain and anything is better than nothing.   I think I fight losing, I get tired of trying to do all the stuff they said we should do. I hate going to fitday and I now refuse to do that. I should only have to eat my small amount and be happy with that. I'm trying to excersise more, I hope it cools off soon. I want to get outside and walk. Won't belong and I will whine because of the cold weather. Oh well I must get on with my diet and my life. I WILL LOSE THIS WEIGHT.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

afraid

I don't know why I'm afraid of things, but I am. I guess part of it is I'm afraid of change. Eating in comfortable its what I am. If I don't eat what will I do. I am afraid to talk to people so I just don't talk. People think I'm unfriendly, but I'm not. I just don't know how to talk to people. I'm always afraid that they won't like me. I am afraid to ask the hard questions, because I might have to make a change in my life. What am I afraid of? I don't like what I have became and I don't like hiding behind this wall of fat. So what am I afraid of. Change can't be as bad as my life is right now. How could it get any worst. I am afraid if I don't get the answers I want then I will have to make major changes in my life. I don't know if I have the courage to do that. I am afraid of losing my best friend and I have been this way for so long that I don't know any other way. Why am I always afraid of what others will think of me. When did I became this way? What made me this way? Why am I so afraid of life?
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

9-15-08

Well its been a month since I last post on my blog. I'm still not losing and its still my fault. At least I'm not as fat as I was when I started this journey. I hate to think where I would be without the band.   I leave in two weeks for vacation. I wanted to lose 30lbs, but I have lost maybe 5lbs. I guess I just don't want it that bad. I know all the reasons I should do it, but I just don't do it. I eat all the wrong things. I have so much trouble with the good stuff that I fine myself eating all the wrong stuff. The wrong stuff just goes down easier.   Oh well I haven't given up completely yet. I will try to do better each day,but no promises either.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

8-7-07

Not having a bad day, just an plain old same day. I have tried to keep busy. I have made up serveral packets for my scrapbooking weekend coming up. I need to make a plan for that weekend. Food of course, so that I don't get taken by surprise with the food. We have a suite I think,but don't know if it has refrig or anything like that. If I eat out I will need to figure out when to go and what to eat before I get there. I know bread is out, so won't be going to any hamburger joints. Need to find some place with good protien sources. Need to find if the hotel has a refrig first, guess I should call the place. If the have a refrig I will just take some stuff to make a salad with chicken or roast beef, or may ham. I don't like breakfast so could take my smoothie maker and have protien shake for breakfast. I really hadn't given this any thought till now. This is the first time that I will be away for the weekend. Really looking forward to that.   I go next week for another fill I hope this is the one that really makes a difference. I have 2.5 cc in a 4 cc band. They are so expensive I really want to have the restriction I need.   I will try to eat more protien and try to stay away from cheese. I did have a couple of pieces of chocolate last night. No other junk food yesterday. I did peddle yesterday for 11 minutes, I think I will try for 15 tonight.   Stay strong, live long.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

8-3-07

Today is Dana's birthday, I can't believe its been 36 years since she made her enterance into this world. It would be a darker place without her.   I'm feeling much better today. My weight is back down 2lbs, which is a great relief. I had a pretty good day yesterday. I peddled for 6 minutes and I wore pedometer all day. I did do shopping yesterday, so today I will have to get out and walk for awhile. I want to figure out how many step I take in a week. I will then have a average to work on and then I will start to increase my step count. I just have to do something to start this weight loss. I tryed to eat more protien yesterday. Most protien is hard to get down. I need to slow down my eating and chew better. I let myself get to hungry before I eat. I must work on that.   It will be a wonderful day today. I can do this.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

8-12-08

I'm so disappointed in my weight. I know I'm not doing what I should be doing, but I can't seem to help myself. What in the world is wrong with me. I'm not happy,I'm sad all the time. I just can't seem to get it together. I thought I was doing better, I had lost four pounds, but their back. I just want to give up. I guess I wasn't really ready to do this. Its been 17 months and I have only lost around 30 lbs. That is so sad and disappointing. Guess I will always be a FATTY. NO ONE in the history of the band as done worst than I have. God Help Me.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

7-8-09

I have not posted on my blog for serveral months now. I keep thinking things will change and I will start to lose. I'm so disappointed in myself. I know the band rules about junk foods, so now I'm trying not to have any in the house. I think that has helped me some, but I want to be thin. Thin is my dream these days. My life is all about food and what I can eat and what I cant eat. Sometimes I find myself hungry, but nothing sounds good anymore. Some of the things I want to eat I know will not go down so I just don't eat. Maybe one of these days it will all come together in my head and I will finally get my act together and just do this.   I know I'm fighting myself , but I still don't completely know why. I know that my personal life has a lot to do with it and I don't think that will change anytime soon. I wish I was a stronger person and maybe I wouldn't let things get to me.   My biggest fear is that I will die fat, or that no one will love me because I'm so fat. I sometimes feel as if my family is ashamed of me and really don't want to be seen with me. I went to the baseball game a couple of weeks ago and I was afraid I wouldn't fit in the seats. It was tight and I had bruises on my hips for the next week. Why isn't that a wake up call for me? Why don't I do something about it? I just don't understand myself. I can't blame anyone but myself for my failure. I know I have to be in control, but right now I'm way out of control.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

7-7-08 slowly losing

I'm really losing slowly now, better than not losing at all. My scale says I'm down another 3 lbs in 2 weeks. I really like to lose 2 lbs a week, but I will take what every I can get. I went so long without losing anything at all, I can't hardly believe I'm losing. I just need to be patient and it will come. I really excited about losing anything. I maybe a little to tight, but not so bad that I can't live with it. I'm having some acid reflex, esp. after I take my meds. I don't know maybe I should try crushing them again. It worst at night when I go to bed. I really can't eat bread, pizza crust, muffins, or cake that is dense. I really have to chew my meat really really good. I can eat chicken salad or most salad in general. I'm have to remember to eat slowly also. If I get to hungry I forget and I will eat to fast and then it hits me. The slimming and the pain is a great reminder to slow down. My DH is on his annual campout with is high school buddys. They have done this at least 35 years, you would think that they would out grow this at some point. Believe it or not he has taken more vacations with them then he has with me. It still makes me feel like he doesn't care as much as about me as he does about them. He gets so excited about the campout. He spends weeks figuring out what to take. Making lists and emailing the other guys. They act like bunch of little kinds. Of course I won't tell him no he can't go, that would make me seem petty and bitchy. I guess it makes me mad because all the years I worked I took my vacations to take care of sick kids while he went camping with his friends or on trips to Canada with his fishing buddys. In the 38 years we have been together we have taken 5 long vacations together and maybe 10 weekend trips together. So yeah I'm mad that he still goes. Oh well it time to get busy and do thing that need to be done. I sometimes don't feel very loved.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

7-31-07

I just don't understand why I feel I must eat, when I know there is junk in the house. I have the most uncontrolable feeling that I must eat it till its gone. I have been fighting it all day. I know that I don't need that junk, but I can't seem to help myself. I really thought that the desire to eat would go away, but it hasn't. I could just be bored, but don't think so. I could just be lazy, but not all the time. What is with the desire to eat and eat and eat. I know I must be trying to fill up a hole that is empty in my life, but what is that hole. That hole is big enough to suck in the whole ocean if I got close enough. Why is it when I can't sleep I think that eating something is going to put me sleep. Is that left over from being a child when you parents would feed you and put to bed. I really have to get serious about this I need figure all this out. I need to lose more weight so I feel better. I know that I'm already feeling better, but I want to feel great. I'm going to go to Texas in October and I would love to be at least 20lb smaller. It would make the air plane ride so much better. I guess that is my goal for now is to lose 20 lbs by October 17. That a good 10 weeks and thats only 2 lbs a week, thats not that much to ask for is it. I must excercise more, I did the peddle thing last nite for 10 minutes, I will try to work up to at least 30 minutes per day in the next two weeks. I need some good arm excersise also, maybe my bat wings will go away some. I just hate the big bump at the top of my elbows that seem to just hang out there. I will have to work hard to have them disappear.   Oh well today has been pretty good. I just have to write more here to keep my mood upbeat. I have to remember my goals for the next couple of months.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

7-27-08 on the edge

I feel like I'm on the edge of very high cliff and it will only take a small push and I will be falling,falling and falling. I have only myself to blame for all my unhappiness. I keep looking for things and when I find them I'm just sick at heart.   I really don't know what to make of all the e-mails my husband gets from a former co-worker. Since he retired in April he almost always gets at least one e-mail a week from this person. Now I don't really care except he hides them from me. I know he gets them, then he deletes them. I know he replys because he gets replys back. I don't really know whats going on, but last Friday nite he got one from her home email not work and the title was "Man I could use a shoulder now." He reads them and never says whats going on, this last one he didn't delete completely off the computer. I want really bad to read it, but feel that is betraying him. I just don't know what is going on. I don't know how to ask him without sounding completely crazy.   I know he doesn't care for me like he use to. I know I disappoint him. I know I was never good enough for him. I know he hates it that I'm so fat. I know all these things why can't I just lose the weight, I know it would improve things alot. I feel as if he is ashamed to be seen with me. We never go anywhere. He never says I Love You, even through I have told him how important to me it is. I have asked to held and hugged, but he always acts like a little boy being punished. So I quite asking for him to do those things. He hates to hold hands or to kiss. What have I done wrong. I have done this for so long, that I don't really have any ideas anymore.   So tonight I feel as if I'm on the edge. I have always loved him. But he hides things from me and its not just the co-worker. There are other thing too and it hurts when you hear things from other people. Then when I say something he admits he knew, but just didn't tell me.   Life is so messy, so confusing and walls are so hard to break down.   He told me serveral years ago that he has never had an affair and he never would. I do really trust him, but it this other person that I don't trust. I just think its wrong to e-mail another persons spouse. Maybe if he told me what was going on it would be ok. I do know that she asked his to lunch sometime and I know so far he hasn't gone. Maybe I'm just to old fashioned. Maybe I'm just crazy. I do know that I'm scared that I will wake someday and he will be gone.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

6-3-08 feeling good

Just got done with the water areobics and I'm just lovingit. I thinking of adding the 3 day a week class, I'm doing the 2 day a week class now. That would make me go to the Y 5 days a week. I don't know if I would tire of this routine or not. But walking just kills my knees.   Its been 10 days since my last fill and I just love it now. Its taken a year for me to feel as if I have a band. I now have restriction which is wonderful. I'm not eating nearly as much and I don't think I'm thinking about eating all the time either. I can go server hours without thinking about food. I feel good. I hope this last for a very long time. I know I still to work on my eating habits. I still want to go for what is easy and not what takes time. I need to think ahead about meals, but I'm not thinking of food now. Its wonderful not to be thinking of food all the time. I really want to lose this weight. I trying to increase my step count, but not doing so good at that. But the water exercise is going to help.   FEELING GREAT. Now if my knee would stop hurting so much that would even be better.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

6-23-08 Yeah!!!!

Just back from the doctor for this month and low and behold I lost for the first time in almost a year. I lost a total of 8.2 lbs. I really do feel as if I have restriction for the first time. I hope this continues for sometime to come. I didn't get a fill this time, I will go back in 4 weeks and see how I'm doing. If I feel I need a fill (I'm eating more, or gaining weight) I can go back sooner. I have spent so much time with no restriction. I can't believe it took this long to get restriction. I'm sitting at 4.3 cc's in my 4.0 cc band. I just wonder if the miss the port when they were filling it last year, if not where did it go and why is it holding now. Oh well, no use in worrying about it, I'm just enjoying the restriction that I now have. I'm really still shooting for the 30lb weight lost before Hawaii on Sept 30th. I now have 22 lbs to go before then, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I will make that goal. I must remember to eat my protien and then veggies, then carbs. I have to drink more water and less Crytal light. I must excersise more often and regularly also. I can walk anytime is summer.   Feeling pretty good about myself right now. Now need to work on toning up the legs and arms and stomach. They are flabby and hanging and the drive me crazy with the way the look. I don't know if has anything to do with age or not.   Great month for me!!! :ohmy::thumbup:
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

6-16-08

Man am I tired. I have caught all the feral cats outside today. I have two to take to the clinic tomorrow to be fixed and I will pick up the 8 they already have. I'm very excited about having them all fixed, NO MORE BABY KITTENS. I have had these feral cats around for probably 20 years, they come and the go. I just can't take care of them any longer. I found a place here in town that will do the spade and neutering for 15.00 per cat. Thats really not that bad. I really excited. One less thing to worry about in the future. Now if the dude that owns the house next door will get off my back about the cats it will be great. They will all die out in a few years.   I'm not doing to bad with the eating. I really think the last fill has done some good. I know my portion size is way down. Now just to lose some wieght. My goal is 30 lbs by the time we leave for Hawaii on Sept 30. I think I'm on my way. I have to eat smaller bites and slow way down to eat. Some things still don't want to go down well, but I don't miss them so bad. I still have the need to eat something sweet. Had a pretty good weekend. This week has started out great.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

6-11-2010

I haven't written anything in almost a year. I have just given up until a month ago. My knees are so bad that I can't hardly stand it. The doctors tell me that knee replaces probably won't get rid of the pain. They said its my weight. Not sure I believe that completely, but I have to do something. I have had a great 2 weeks, but and you all know there is always a but. I had family in 2 different days this week. Now I have all this left over food. I really want to eat it. I also know I can't eat it and it is such a struggle. I promissed myself that I would not weigh as much next year on my 60th birthday. So I have to not eat this food, but it is calling my name. I hate the struggle. I'm 59 years old and you would think that by now I would have this thing under control. Feel like a failure. Hope I make it through the night.
carol1951

carol1951

0
 

6-10-08

Why? Oh Why? can't I lose like everyone else with the lapband. I just don't seem to lose. I have played with the same five pounds since Feb. I do try and I know I'm not eating nearly as much as I did before the band. I must just make bad choices. Yesterday I had weight control oatmeal for breakfast, lunch I had a panni forzen sandwich the light kind, supper I had meatloaf and corn. I had for a snack yesterday small cup of rice pudding, 90 calories. That's not that much. I didn't excerise yesterday, but I did do laundry. Today I'm soooo tired. I did to water aroebic, I really like that. My joints have been so bad the past couple of days. I'm not sleeping very good right now, knee hurt even when sleeping. I have woke myself up moaning in my sleep. I know I would probably lose faster if I could do more, but guess I need to find something else to do for excerise. Walking is just hard. I always have walked a lot in the past, but every since my knee got really bad two years ago I just can't do as much.   Oh well, guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself today. So far today I have had my oatmeal and a half order of nachoes. So guess I will drink some more ice tea and get busy with house work.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

5-23-08

Just back from the doctors and I gained, gained, and gained. I was up 4 lbs. The nurse is so nice, she thinks I have an obsession with food. Do you think. I don't have the feeling of fullness that others have, which she said was bad for me. I can still eat 2 cups with no problem which is way to much. I have some restriction because I can't eat chicken, tuna salad and bread. But I don't have the restrictions some have where they feel as if the just can't eat one more bite or the will just up chuck everything. Why can't I have that feeling? I do get the hiccups when I'm to full so that is good. They said I need to excesise at least 30 minutes per day. They said maybe I should go back to clear liquids for a week. I don't know if I can do clear liquids but I may do just liquids for a couple of weeks. I know that will be hard on my husband, but he will just have to eat out or fix his own meals. I'm not going to cook anything for two weeks and see if I can jump start this weight loss again. I will try walking for half hour everyday. I'm still trying to get my nerve up to wear a bathing suit and start water aerobics.   I have known for sometime that I was obsessed with food and they gave me the name of a person to go to for behavior modification. I think I really need this. I just love food, but there are times when I feel as if I have no control over eating. I have a very strong desire to eat anything that I can fine. It's so strong that I feel as if I can't stop, even when I know I shouldn't be doing it. They asked if I felt hunger and yes I do. Sometimes I have actual hunger pain and stomach growling. If I get to hungering I eat to fast which upset the band. I do thing I eat a lot of the wrong foods. I think I probably eat the wrong things that go down way to easy. I know that I'm getting to much fat and to many carbs. I really do try, but as usual I'm just doing everything wrong.   I really feel like a failure. I could just cry, but I know that will not solve my problems. I have to get control of this. I really want to lose a few pounds before we go to Hawaii this fall. I have get control. I just have to, because I can't continue to be so depressed over all this. I know that being depressed doesn't help at all, it is sucking me dry. I have no energy and I feel worthless. I need to get this going now.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

5-22-07

I was watching tv this afternoon, when I realized that the first time anyone told me I was over weight was when I was in high school. My girl friend told me that I should lose a couple of pounds, up until then I had never given my weight a thought. Wish she had kept her mought shut. That was the start of my yoyo diet. I never really have had a good weight lost except when I did the (liquid diet) and that was almost 20 years ago now. I did get down to 170 maybe, can't really remember, I do remember loving to buy the small size jeans and clothes. I was buying size 12, I'll be lucky to wear 16 or 14 this time, with all the loose skin I know is coming. My arms are hanging now and my thighs have rolls of fat on them. I will never be able to have plastic surgery to fix them either. Guess I will alway have to wear long pants and longer sleeves to cover them up. I will excersise and hope that helps.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

5-21-08

I'm having a ok week, not great,but better than the last couple of weeks. I hope I can keep this going, I really want to lose 30 lbs before we go to Hawaii this fall. I don't think this is an unreasonable goal. I just have to be on my toes and stick with it. I really have to excersise more. I wish I could be one of those people who only eat 600 cal a day. I just don't know how they do it. I have a hard time staying a 1200 cal a day. I feel good if I stay around 1500 cal a day. Oh well I know I can't give up on this, that I have to make it work some how. I have to learn how to resist all the tempatation that out there. I have learned that I can't have Pringles in the house or cookies or most sweets.   I need to learn to let some things go and keep other things. I tend to worry to much about all things and I really do want to control all things. So you would think I could control my eating, but I don't. Its the one thing that I can count on to be good. Most of the time its is good, but there is other times I feel like its not a good as I thought it would be. Just wish I would learn to think of food as not as good as I think it is.   I must repeat this thought to myself at all times. I can do this. Its not that Hard. Food is not that good. I want to feel better. I want to have a life outside of this house. I will not be embrassed at the sight of my own body. I will not feel as if my husband is embrassed at my size. I will not feel as if my family is embrassed at my size. I will do this. I'm smart enough to figure this out. I can do this. I can do this,
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

5-1-08

Well I haven't lost a thing in a month, but I'm still holding my own. I guess I should be happy about that. I'm still wondering why I make the choices I do with food. I know that I'm addicted to food and I also just love food. I love to make it, eat it and share it with others. I'm doing better about what I keep in the house, I'm now avoiding the snacks in the house. I don't have any chips that I like in the house, no cookies either. I need now to focus on protien. They told me to eat more protien and fewer carbs. I love veggies, but I'm trying to cook less veggies and more just protien. I don't eat very much bread anymore, most of the time bread doesn't want to go down.   Well today is going to be a great day. See I say all the right things but turn right around and do just want I want to do, which is usually something to eat, which is not on the diet. I can always over eat on anything that I want to.   I really wish that they would take all food commericals off TV. They really make you want to eat all the wrong things. There is so much talk about food on the TV maybe I should learn to turn the TV off, but it is sometimes my only outlet to the outside world. Sometimes the TV makes me feel as if I will never have a normal weight, because I have so far to go and most people don't make. I want to be one of those people who make it. I want to feel good about myself. I want not to hurt all the time. I want to be out in the world and not feel like I'm a freak of nature.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

422007u

Ok I'm going to try this again for the 3rd time. I don't know what I have hit, but it earses everything. I figured out yesterday that most of diets have failed at the 4 week mark. Maybe its bordom, I really don't know. I ate some chips and dip yesterday. They went down way to easy. I have not had anything sweet (cookies, cake, pies, candy) in 5 weeks. I would kill for a brownie right now. I need to get through this next week, till my fill. I have read some of the thread and it makes me really nervous. I hope everthing goes well. I'm flirting with the 280 mark on my scales up one pound and down one pound. I walked to the cornor yesterday and back. Thats like two blocks. I need to get my strenght back. I have started to really get more done in the house, so maybe I have turned the cornor. I ate some shrimp yesterday and it did not stay down, won't try that again. Well I need to get up do something.
carol1951

carol1951

1
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