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I've not changed 5-19-08

I've not changed at all. I'm still trying to out smart the band and I still eating all the wrong things. I have not learned to give up all the thing that are bad for me. I still want it all and I know in my head that I can't do that. I start strong in the am, but by mid afternoon or evening I'm lost. I just can't stand the thought of not eating something good. I have trouble eating fruit, and I have to eat meat really slow. I have slowed down how fast I eat, but I let my self get to hungry before I eat. I tend to wait to long to eat and then eat to fast which causes the pb or pain in the chest. I have to try to fight the head hunger thing. I still need to excerise more. I fight excerise all the time. I joined the y in feb, but I have only been a few times. I'm really very self conscious about how I look, but I still continue to do the wrong things. I even went so far as to buy a swim suit for water aerobics, but to scared to put on at the y. I'm tire of what I'm doing. I need to change. I keep trying everyday,so maybe one of these day it will clink in my head. I pray about this daily and I know I will do this one of these days.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

I'm I just nuts

I really want this to work, but I seem not to work at it. I just want the weight to fall off and I not have to do anything. I know thats nuts, but thats the way I feel. I didn't have to do any work to get here, why do I have to work to get rid of it. Crazy isn't it to think like that, but this morning thats the way I feel. Why is there days where you do great and then day when I could care less what I eat.   I weight this am and I back up again. I weighted 270.2 ths morning. I seem to only lose when I'm doing liquids. Maybe I should stick with liquids for a while. I don't know what to do.   I have got to track my calories (I do much better and I know I do better when tracking my calories). I have to excersize (which I hate to do, I have never found anything that I really enjoy). People tell to swim, but (I have known serveral people who have drowned). I don't mind walking( I just don't like doing it by myself--dogs you know).   I wish I could inlist my DH to excersize with me, but he hate it just as much as I do. Maybe this is his way of defeating my weight loss. He never encourges me or tells me I'm doing good. I think this journey is on my own. I really want to lose this weight. So I have to stop putting road block up or trying to blame someone else. I have to do this on my own(now).   I really miss my comfort foods. I still eat pizza, but only the topping, no crust for me. I really miss have a great hamburger, no bread for me. Bread seems to be the only thing I can't eat anymore. Everything else is ok. Meat I have to eat slowly or it hurts like the devil. All the other stuff goes down way to easy. I have had my third fill I'm at 2cc in a 4cc band, but I really don't have a lot of restriction yet. I read where some people can only eat 1/2 cup of food at a time. I can still eat a lot more then that. Maybe I have already stretched my pouch out to much. I don't have a clue, why I do this stuff to myself.   Today is a new day I will try to get a better handle on it today. I will use fitday.com, I will try some kind of excersize. I will drink my water, I know I didn't get anywhere close to drinking 64 oz yesterday, I might have gotten in 24 oz. I don't drink like I should (maybe that is why my weight was up this am). I will start right now with a bottle of water, then will try to eat something for breakfast. This will be a good day.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

I'm back

Got back from Texas yesterday and I soooo glad to be home. I really missed that new bed, the sleep number bed. It was really nice down there, the temps were in the middle 80's most of the time. My aunts house is really cute. The dogs are something else, but they were nice and when they are sleeping you would never of guess that there was 8 dogs in the house. The really great news is I didn't gain any weight while I was there:whoo::whoo:. My sister did really good on the flight down and back. It was a little bumpy coming home. I now have to get busy and try to lose more weight before the holidays get here. It's not that long till thanksgiveing and Christmas is right around the block and coming fast. I now that this is going to be a great week.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

I think I have some restrictions now

I think I have some restriction now. I have really go slow eating or it kinda burns up in my throat, and that pain in the middle of my back really kills me. It feels like something is just turning around and around in side of me. I hope I start to lose now. I have not loss very much yet. Its really discouraging to see what some have lost already. I want this gone, but I now it took a long time to get this way and it will take time to have it gone.   Got some really exciting new on Saturday. I got tickets for the View on May 16. Nancy and I are going, no one else good get off to go with us. We leave on Sunday on the 13th and will come home on 17th, my brithday. Nancy's brithday is the 15th. Hope to go down to the Today show also. This will be my 4th trip to the Big Apple and Nancy's 2nd.   My daughter spent the night in the ER with my granddaughter Delaney. Her shunt was fine, she has a miragine. Its always a worry when she doesn't feel good. She will be 5 this month, can't believe it been 5 years since she was born,especially since she was not expected to make out of the delivery room. She has made great strides, she walks, talks, know her colors, goes to school 4 days a weeks. She is really really a blessing in our faimly. She is one of nine gradkids. I love them all and never get see them enough.   Well the workers will be here soon. Hope this porch thing is done this week. They are doing the wiring today and tomorrow, and putting up the screen. Carpet to be put in on Saturday. Can't wait till my house is mine again. Need to get my protien shake down before they get here.   This is going to be a great day.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

I think I have it

I believe I have finely have restriction. Its not bad, just can't eat to fast or to big a bite. I have to chew really good anything solid, like chicken, roast beef, or some veggies. I really excited and hopeful this will do the trick and I will start losing faster. I really want to lose this weight and I really don't want to take 5 years to do it. If it does take 5 years that will be ok, just as long as I don't every go back to where I was. I have lost 36 lbs and that only a fraction of what I need to lose, but at least I didn't gain.   I just spent the last two day quilting with my sister and I didn't get my excersise, but I didn't gain. I didn't get enough water either. My sisters ice tasted funny to me and I just couldn't get anything that tasted good. I really didn't over eat. I now feel full most of the time. I still have to stop myself from just grazing, which is what I alway did before.   My brother had his knee replaced on Monday and is going home today. He's really doing good, I'm very proud of him and the way that he doing. Its hard to keep a old farmer down.   Everything going fine for now.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

I did it!!!!

I did it, I went to water aerobics class this morning at the Y. It was really fun and I think I like it. I will try to go again tomorrow and do either the aerobics class or walk the river. I don't know if I'm fit enought for a full blown water aerobics class. The one I did was for I arthritis. I can't belive I did it. I put my swimsuit on and did it.   I think I finally have some restriction. I'm eating only about half as much as I was a week ago. I will try to keep track of what I'm eating see what happens this week. I really want to lose wieght and right now I'm feeling pretty good about what I'm doing.   Today will be a good day.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

hungry, hungry, hungry

I'm really hungry now, could eat a horse sometimes. I need to start really counting my protien, will try increase the amount of protien that I eat. I had my shake this morning and that gives me 63 grams of protien, that does help alot, with the hunger. I have to start doing more excerise, I know this is a must. Just wish I had someone to go with to walk.Not sure just how far I can walk a one time. My knee is really sore right now. It is keeping me awake at night again. Slept really bad last night. I really am doing good between meals, my problem is evening and at night when I can't sleep. I really could use some cookies right now, I know the would make me feel better for a very few seconds, then I would be mad at myself. good thing I don't have any in the house. Oh well thing will pick up next week or by the end of this week.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

Home alone again

My DH just left for his big week long camping out with his highschool buddies. I know he couldn't hardly wait to go, he tries to play it down, but I know he can't wait to get there. I just wish he would get tired of them. They have been doing this for 30+ years. I think this is the first year one of the guys is only going to be there one evening. Maybe the rest will get tire of acting like kids and grow up. I know he has fun, but after 30 years it about time to give it up.   I'm alone in the house and I have so much I need to be doing, but I have yet to get started. I usually get a lot done this week, while hes out of the house. He isn't going to Canada fishing this year, this will be the first year in about 20 that he hasn't done that. He spends more time with his buddies camping and fishing then he has with me in the 37 years. I can count on one hand how many vacations we have had together. I should never have let him start all the trips, but I was busy with kids, working, and I never seem to have the vacation time. You know I always had to take time off when the kids were sick, so I never had the time for vacations. Now that I have retired from the work force you think we would go somewhere, but no we don't. I went to New York with my girlfriend in May for 4 nights and five days, of course my DH couldn't get off work. That the usually excuse that I hear a lot when I want to go some where. He always has time for his camping trips. It really hurts my feeling. I really tried to tell him couple of years ago how I felt, but as usally he is not in tune with my feeling. He alway makes me feel guilty about things. I always felt like he is a good provider and he deserved to have special time, but sometimes I just wish we want to have the time with me. Oh well I'm just feeling sorry for myself today.   The challenge for this week is to be good while I'm by myself. I know is will go good. I hope to get a lot done.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Home again

Got home yesterday. Had a wonderful time in New York. I love going to the View and and Today Show. We went to the View on the 16th and the Today Show on the 15 and 17th. We to two broadway plays. One was Spring Awaken and the other was Curtains. Both have been nomiated for Tony's. Curtains was more my style.   I had a great time, but why am I such a push over. I really had a wonderful time, but I didn't do some of thing I wanted to do. I really wanted to go to some of the Food Network places and some to the famous chefs places. Our hotel room was the room from hell. I didn't know they could make rooms that small in a hotel. Good thing we were not in it that much. My knee hurt a lot, but not as much as my hips. My hip feel as though they are tighten up as I walk then I have to stop and rest. I did get some new tennis shoes and I thing they helped. My feet all hurt, of course the left foot was the worst. It would thingle and go numb some to time. I must have walk a thousand miles.(HA HA)   I didn't lose weight, but I didn't gain weight either. I really want to lose faster. I go for my fill on Monday morning and hope this time it makes a difference. I really tired of not losing. I know my clothes are fitting looser and that helps, but I really haven't even dropped one size yet. I am going to by a dvd that is a walking dvd and hope it helps me start to excersize more. The walking in New York really helped, but my knee is really sore, I hope the walking will help to make my knee stronger.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

great day 6-2-07

It is a beautiful day. Not to hot and not to windy and not to cold, perfect day so far.   I was sitting here when my dh was eating chips out of the bag when it dawned on me that I will never do that again. I really do think most of the time about what I'm going to eat and how much I'm going to eat. NO MORE MINDLESS EATING FOR ME!!!!! Maybe I'm being to learn what I should have learned long long ago.   I have a long way to go on this journey, but I'm willing to do it forever. I started to say for now, but that is the old thinking. I will not defeat myself with eating when not everything if perfect.   I'm really happy with myself and my progress at least today I am.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Glad this holiday is over

I just don't like holidays anymore, I use to love the 4th, but now it just reminds me how everything has changed. I would love to have all my kids over, but my DH is still mad at of middle daughter. If I can't have all of them then, I will not have any of them here. I will not leave her and her children out. Sometimes I just want to clobber my DH.   My DH did barbeque yesterday and it was wonderful as usually. He can fix anything and it will be great. The boston butt was so tender and juicy, I ate way to much and to fast also. The meat kinda hurt a little. I made fresh green beans and corn on the cob. I also eat some dot ice cream. I know I ate to much, so I will start the day with a protien shake and a glass of water. I didn't get all my water in yesterday. The scale was up this morning, not surprised. I thought that I might weight myself, but figured that I need to face the music. It wasn't quite as bad I as thought it might be.   Today will be a good day. I will drink lots of water and I will be busy and try to get my excersize. I will not eat just because I'm unhappy, I will try to busy myself and stay out of the kitchen.   I'm feeling much stronger today, than yesterday.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

funky mood

I really in a funky mood today, was yesterday too. I've decide to not have any junk food for a whole month and see if that really helps. I have such a sweet tooth. I don't mind the chips and stuff, but I don't let anything sweet set in my house for more than a couple of minutes. I need to wien myself from all sweets. I don't care for ice cream either it more of the cookies, cakes and some candy. Chocolate candy is a big weakness. I will be keep my sugar free candies, they are the cinnimon disks.   I have to stay strong. I have not lost any weight for the last month. I really thought maybe I had the way I have been running to the bathroom to void all the time the last couple of days. Maybe it will take the scales a couple of days to catch up. I have been wearing my pedometer the last few day to see how little I walk. I want to a weeks worth of stats and then do a average and see if I can increase my steps by one hundred step per day for the next week. I want to get alot more active. I really disappointed in my DH cause he told me when I start this journey that he would walk with me. It hasn't happen yet. Maybe when it gets cooler he will decide to walk with me.   I'm trying real hard to have a really good week this week. I'm keeping track of my food intake and will excerise every day this week. My excerise is peddling on my peddle machine for at least 10 minutes a day. I know that doesn't sound like much, but with my bad knees and my inactivity it is a big thing for me.   WILL DO GOOD THIS WEEK. NO JUNK FOOD AND WILL EXCERISE EVERYDAY.   THURSDAY 4289 FRIDAY 2345 SATURADAY 2149 SUNDAY 2952
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Friends

Last night as I sat watching TV I realized that I don't have a close friend. One that you tell everything to. I keep so many things inside. Its eating me up, so I eat everything I can get my hands on. I think that why I have so much trouble in the evenings. I need to get up off my butt and do something. I'm always afraid of what people will think, so I do nothing. I don't take critism well. I'm not funny. I don't really know to talk with people. People think I'm a bitch, when in fact I'm afraid to say anything. When you have been told that your stipud, and loud you have begin to shut down and you don't talk. Once you start that process you forget how to talk with people. I always feel no one will really wants to hear what I have to said. How do I get over that. I need friendship. I have been around this web site for seven weeks and have only post a few times on the threads. I always feel no one wants to hear what I have to say. I wish I was funny, I love to read what some people write. I feel flat, like no one cares about me. So much for me and my pity party. I had a pretty good day yesterday. The calories add up so fast. I have been trying eggs for breakfast, even through I hate eggs. I found some low fat bacon bits and add some cheese, but that adds up to 300 plus calories. When you are trying to keep calorie under 1200 calories, that doesn't leave many left for the rest of the day. Maybe I'm afraid of not having food to eat. Even when I was on weight watchers I would save all my points till evening so I could eat something when I wanted to. Why do I feel it alway everything or nothing. If I mess up I give up. I have to learn to forgive myself. I guess thats one thing I have never done. I always feel everything is my fault. I never tell anyone no, not even myself. This band is going to be a real learning experience.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

feeling adrift at sea

I'm really feeling adrift with my food. I really don't know what to eat. I so afraid to try bread, salad, and most meats. I'm not a breakfast person, but have been drinking a protien shake, chocolate with pro complex, 340 cal , 15 carbs, 63 grams protien and 2 fat. It just doesn't stay with me. I hungry within couple or three hours. Lunch is a what ever is left over from the night before. Supper is some kind of meat, veggies. I take my pill with pudding after crushing them. I know I getting to many calories, somewhere around 1500. Yet at times food gets stuck and I don't feel so good. I can eat something some times and not at other times. I still not losing any weight. My scales bounce between 277 and 279. I hate my clothes they are not fitting right. They are too big, but the next size is to tight. Part of the problem is my big butt. If it fits the butt its to big in the stomach area. Almost all of the legs are too tight around the calves. My shirts are to big through the shoulders, but tight around the hips. I must be just built weird. I have know idea what I will wear to New York, but guess I had better figure it out. Just have a week till I leave. Can't wear t-shirts to the view, need to get something to wear. Hope I can do all the walking that is involved in being there. I really looking forward to getting away for a few days. I get really tired of worring all the time, don't think I will not worry while I gone , but may it will be better. I really need to figure out my diet. I read last night that some of the people were going to weight watchers, or doing nurti-system. I cant afford nurti-system. I was thinking that maybe I would by some south beach forzen entrees and see if I could get by on them, maybe lunch. Breakfast is just not going down this a.m. Guess I wil fix protien shake, before my grandkids get here.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Exercise today

Here it is 9:17 and I have already walked with my daughter. I walked about 3/4 of a mile today. My knees and hip hurt less today, so maybe I'm getting use to the walking. My goal for this month is to increase my daily excercise from nothing to something. I have walked 4 out of the last seven days. That is really great for me, now I just have to keep it up. Now that excercise is coming on board I have to get my calorie intact down. I have some restriction but not very much. I don't eat as much as I did, but I still taking in about 1500 calories a day.   I must stay postive and upbeat and see what I can do today.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Eating

I heard a man on the View today talking about weight loss drugs. The interesting thing was he said was that overweight people tend not to eat breakfast or lunch, then eat to much in the evening. He could have been talking about me. I really don't like breakfast although I try to eat breakfast everyday. Some day I'm just not hungry in the morning and somedays its 10 or 11 before I'm hungry. I really need to start eating early, but I'm alway afraid that if I eat to early I will be hungry later and won't have anything left to eat for the day. I then overeat in the evening. I must change this behavior. I alway have food to eat and no one is going to take food away from me. So why do I have this thought in my head that I wouldn't have anything to eat. Even if I eat everything I should for the day I still have food in the house so this is not a reasonable thought. That is a crazy thought. Ok now that is know this I have to change want I do. I just have to figure out what or how I want to handle this. :help::help::help:
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

Do You Every Feel

Do you every feel like no one understands you? Do you every feel all alone with no one at your side? Do you every feel so overwhelmed that you just want to go away some where and hid? Do you every feel like everyone you know is ashamed of you? Do you every feel like no one likes you, or wants to be with you?   These are some of my feeling today and these are some of the tiggers for my wanting to eat.   Now I just have to learn how to control the need to eat when these things are getting to me.   I hate it when people you love hid things from you. I hate it when people you love don't share things with you. I hate when people you love don't love you back the way you want to be loved.   These are some more of the trigger eating. I have learn some things in the last two years, but I still can't control my eating yet.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

discourged

Weighted myself this morning and I'm still at 267.5. Its been 2 weeks since my last fill. I know that I have some restriction now, but I'm not losing yet. I feel that I'm not taking in as much as I was. I been fighting not tracking my food, but guess I will have start. I just don't know why I'm not losing. I figured how many calories I would need to take in to maintain this weight and it was around 2300 calories per day. I feel like I'm not taking in that may calories, plus I have started to do more excercising. Yesterday I went for 20 minutes. I know 20 minutes isn't much for some people, but I'm proud of myself for doing that much. Last year at this time my knee was so sore I couldn't do much at all, just going to the store was a chore. I'm trying to increase my step count each day. I really want to lose this weight. No one as to tell me that at least I haven't gained I have lost 30 lbs,but so discourging when I see people on the boards talking about losing 50 to 100 lbs in the same time. I really glad its working for them, maybe the tool just isn't working for me yet. I will try to track my food this next week and see how I'm doing. I will try to increase my water in take. The other thing that is getting on my nerves is the gas that I'm experiencing. I don't know if that is normal or not. I'm been bloated has well. The gas is just terrible, its painful. I don't know if its increase in fiber, but don't think so.   I will have a good week this week. I will track my food, I will increase my step count, and I will excersise more.
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

Did I make a mistake?

I wondering if I made a mistake in getting the band, its not working for me the way I thought it would. I can still eat way to much and I don't make the best decisions. I got the band thinking it would limit how much I could eat, but I still can eat just about anything I want to. I have never got down to only 1/2 cup. I can eat about 2cups at a time. I have to slow down to eat or I pb but I still cant eat to much. I feel like I have screwed up everything. I'm so weak when it come to eating. I love to cook and now I try not to, but I still have to cook something or else I will just eat anything. I have don't buy cookies or pies anymore and I sure don't buy cake. I made one for my husband a couple of weeks ago and I had to throw the rest of it out because I just couldn't leave it a lone. I could eat till I puke I think. What is wrong with you, are you just an crazy old woman, who should have just left things the way the were and just been fat the rest of your life. I do feel better, but my knees are sore most of the time and I have no energy. I really sometimes I feel like it was a mistake to get the band. I know people are looking at me wondering when I'm going to lose weight. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???
carol1951

carol1951

2
 

Control

Here it Feb. 13th and I still at the same weight that I have been for the last serveral months. I know that I have lots of problems, but one that came to light last night is the need to control something. I have no control over so many things that I can control what I do put in my mouth. No one can tell me no. No one has to see me eat (I know everyone can till that I overeat by just looking at me.) I can eat in private, I can hide things, I can eat in the car, I can go through a drive thru and I can eat what I want. I don't want anyone telling me I can't eat. It's really the only thing I can control. The funny thing is for the last month I've been telling myself that I'm the only one that can do this. I have tried many diets and I have had lap band so far none have worked for me. I'm one that has the control to make it work. I think if I work on this maybe it will help me in the future. I know I have the control to make this work. I am in control of what I put in my mouth, no one can make me eat or make me not eat. I do all the buying and all the cooking. We really don't eat out very often. I have to start with a real effort and maybe this will work. I have to want this more than I want to eat.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Cant sleep tonight

I don't know why I can't sleep tonight, so naturally I got up and ate some cereal and just had to have something else, so found some cookies. I knew I shouldn't have got them. I did it anyway. I'm really try to mess with my own head. It seems I always trying to put up road blocks. I wasn't mad or sad, it wasn't really emtional thing, I just wanted something to eat. Sometime when I can't sleep and I get something to eat I will fall to sleep faster. I should really be sleeping, as I got up at 4:45 this morning or should I say yesterday morning. Took Tracy and Caleb to the airport. Shes taking Caleb to Disney World for a few days. He was so excited about the airplane ride. Oh for the wonder of youth again, not the jade thoughts of the old.   I have had a really good day otherwise. Guess I won't beat myself up over this. As Scarlet would say Theres always tomorrow.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

Can't sleep tonight

Don't know why some nights I just can't sleep. I need to sleep tonight have a lot to do tomorrow. I leave Thursday for a weekend at my Aunts house in Texas. I still need to pack and pay bills and run some errands tomorrow. I have so much on my mind and just doesn't want to shut down tonight so here it is 3:30 and I'm still awake. I was due to get a fill yesterday, but I postponed that till I get back. I was afraid that anymore in my band might make me to full right now. I'm at 3.5 cc in my 4 cc band and didn't want to get somewhere and not be able to enjoy myself. I haven't lost any weight in the last 4 weeks. I just bounce around the 265 mark. Some days I'm at 262 or 263 then the next I'm back at 265. I hope this goes down one of these days. I really need to make better choices. I always start out strong then get weaker as the day wears on. I have found that my protien shakes really help, some days I have them for breakfast and other days I have them for lunch. I wish I could leave cheese alone, guess I will just have to quit buying it like I did with cookies. Well hope this trip goes good, since I'm going with my sister and she doesn't like to fly. It's a short flight only 2 hours and its non-stop so that should help. I hope I get sleepy soon or its going to be time to get up for the day. I not sleepy yet.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

busy weekend

Had a really busy week last week and I now am recovering. I didn't lose anything this past week, of course not suprised. I ate out most of the time. Didn't do to bad. I had a great time at the scrapbooking weekend. My girlfriend and I got a lot done, I don't believe I will ever get all my pictures done. I got home Sunday afternoon. I was so tired, I still recovering. Its so hot outside, I hope it cools off soon. I really want to start walking outside, but its just to hot right now for that.   Maybe I will lose something this week. I'm starting to day with a protien shake. My husband is gone tonight for supper so will have chilli. I think I will make that it goes down good and I will have left overs for the rest of the week.   I have to be serious this week about my food intake since I had such a good week last week eating out so much. I still can't have cookies around. I got some to take to the retreat last weekend and of course I ate them. I know better, but did it anyway. No wonder I didn't lose anything last week, but didn't gain any either.   Will have a positive week this week. I have figured out that I have more time to fill now that I don't think of food all the time, and I'm not either cooking or shopping for food. That really took up a lot of time. I now have figure out what to do to keep myself busy so I don't want to eat. I find I can now go a couple of hours at time without thinking of food. That is experience that I haven't had in a very long time. I think I will try to make a quilt this winter and get more of my scrapbooking done.   I must get busy. This will be a good week.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

brownies

I'm fighting not to make brownies today. I REALLY REALLY want a brownie.Not the kind you get at the store, but real homemade kind. I just love brownies, thick, rich, chewy, moist brownies. I've got it bad today. Now that I've said that, maybe I can get on with something else. They guy's are here working. They say they will be done tomorrow. Can't believe its almost done. Eight months later and my new screened in porch is almost done. They got the carpet in, and are working on they backyard, which has almost no grass now. It's rained so much we had little rivers in the yard over the weekend. So now we have to paid the piper for this job. I'm getting excited about the trip. I tried on clothes this morning and I can now get into some of my 2X clothes, but they are still a little tight for my liking. I wish I was losing more, before I leave on my trip. I tracked my calories yesterday, was doing fine till we had peanut butter shakes for dessart yesterday evening. I ended up eating 2000 calories yesterday. Thats not acceptable at all. Guess I need to keep better track of everything. It seems like I've not eaten that much. I have had no cookies, pie or cake since March 13. That a really long time for me. No diet Coke either. I have not missed it as much as I thought I would. I do miss my cookies. I love to make, bake and eat cookies. I can even dream of eating cookies, or just food in general. I'm a real food addictive person. My husband has lost more weight than I have and I'm the one with band. I'm doing laundry and need to get it out and fold it and put it away. I hope this has help to get my mind off eating. I not hungry at all just want to eat. I'm crazy about food. How did I get this crazy, where I could eat till I can't hardly stand it, good thing is I have not done that since I got the band. I realize that I have to do this myself.. The band just helps some. I need another fill. It's only a week and half till my next appointment, and next week I will be in New York, so this week and half should fly by. Must get busy and do something.
carol1951

carol1951

1
 

bad week

This past week has just been terrible. Right now I just don't want to diet. I just want to eat. It all started last Wednesday nite when my Husband and I got into a disagreement over the grandkids. He's mad and I don't care, so he's not speaking and I'm not speaking. The least said the better right now. So I'm emotinally eating anything that I can fine. I have gain a couple of lbs and tomorrow is the day I weight at the doctors office and I doubt that I have lost anything again this month. So right now I'm fighting not to eat. I just threw out the cookie dough that I baked into bars yesterday. I did give some to my neighbor and I ate some, the rest is going to the birds. I can't have sweets in the house. I have also ate chips and cheese.   I have to get a hold of my eating. I really do want to lose, but why do I punish myself. I'm not punishing anyone else, but me.   Well tomorrow will tell how bad I have really been. I will do this. I will not punish myself with food. I have to face the music and tomorrow is the day.
carol1951

carol1951

1
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