Hello everyone!
Well, I don't even know how long it's been since my last post. I know i haven't been the best at documenting my journey or updating on my status. 10 months into post-op surgery there are many things that have changed in my life. Not just the dropping of over 70lbs, but I also got married And, I wont' be looking back at my wedding photos 10 years from now cringing at how big I am.
I started off this journey weak and tired. I was so frustrated and angry at myself that I've actually let myself become so overweight. I was 5"6', 31years old, and weighed right at a whopping 270 lbs! I decided to get the surgery after my friend went through the process and was successful. I decided 9 months before my wedding that I better do it now if i"m going to do it.
Since then, I've had to learn how to live a whole new life. Although I feel like i went through a fairly easy recovery stage, eating in and of itself is still a challenge for me. I am stronger and healthier than i've ever been 10 months after surgery. With that said, my "i'm full, STOP!" receptors aren't as strong as I thought they would be. I go through daily occurrences of being overly full. I have battled extreme cases of acid reflux (which I new take a daily medication for).
Today I am at 197.00 which is only 22 lbs away from my final goal! I have no wedding to look forward to, but I have my whole life to look forward to. Kids...anniversaries...new homes...all that seems a bit brighter now that I have been through this process. I love me now and that's probably the best benefit that I can see coming from having the Vertical Sleeve.
Enjoy the picture...that is of me and my new husband
Hey Sleevers!
I do have to say, I am feeling much better than I did a few weeks ago. Was it the St. John's Wort? The Holiday Spirit? Increased Exercise? Or, it could be a combination of all of those. All I know is that I was really in a funk and it sucked big time. I'm feeling so much better and I think I've even found the motivation to get back on track with my journey.
Prior to surgery and my pre-op diet, I weighed a whopping 269/270 lbs. I NEVER in a million years thought I would actually get on a scale and see that number pop up. The reality hit that I was LESS than 50lbs away from weighing it a 300! That really depressed me and although I already had my VSG scheduled, I just felt so helpless and even a bit unbelieving that this surgery would really work.
Today 15 weeks post-op, I weigh in at around 220. I say "around" 220 because for the last couple weeks it's been jumping all over the place between 221 and 218. That's fine that it's not stationary, as long as the overall trend is a lower number. The weight loss has most definitely slowed down, but i'm trying not to let that discourage me, I am trying to have faith in this surgery as it's gotten me this far.
Of course everything is not all rainbows and lolipops, there's are so many obsticles and hurdles that you must get over...just as many hurdles as it took to be qualified by insurance. Here are some things that I am still struggling with:
1) Eating slowly - 15 weeks out and you would think that I would have learned this lesson by now. By nature I've always just been a fast eater...inhaling food. The habit of putting food on my fork before I've even had a chance to chew and swallow the last bite has just been part of my life since I was a child. During these weeks that I"ve been eating regular food, I often time dread it because I do not want to go through that tightness of my chest and heaviness in my belly. Some of the things that I've tried to combat this problem is to count how many times I chew. I try to chew at least 25 times before I swallow. In between bites I've started to put my utensil down completely while I chew and swallow, only to pick it back up once all the food is gone out of my mouth. Another trick i use (which my fiance hates)is playing with my phone while i"m eating so that I have something else to distract me and slow me down. Like I said, it's definitely a struggle, but every now and then I succeed in eating a meal that is not uncomfortable.
2). Eating Too much at one time - This kind of goes hand and hand with the last one. Bites that are too big and going in too fast is a ticking time bomb. Luckily i've only experienced the "sliming" and vomiting just a handful of times...it's definitely not a regular occurrence for me. To combat this issue, I've tried cutting my food into itty bitty little baby bits and eating those individually. I know I can do much better with measuring out my portions ahead of time, which would probably help me out a lot in the long run. In fact, I just bought a new hightech food scale to help me with this (Merry Christmas to me!)
3). Water In-take - I've really fallen off the wagon on this one. Prior to my whole VSG journey, I was actually pretty good at this. I have a 64oz mug that I would fill with ice/water at the beginning of my work day and it would be gone by 2 or 3 in the afternoon. But now, I feel so full from my meals, it's been really hard to also intake water (or any other fluids). Any suggestions on this one would be greatly appreciated. For the first 8 or 9 weeks I didn't drink any coffee at all, but gradually I started with this mornign habit again. Perhaps, for every cup of coffee I drink I could drink the same amount in water first? Or, maybe just go back to lugging around that 64oz mug lol. I guess I could....
4). Daily Exercise - Honestly, i'm not displeased at all about my exercise. I started with light walking almost immediately after being released from the hospital in Tijuana. When I got home I continued with walking around my neighborhood every night and even got in some walking during lunch break at work. At around 4 weeks, i was on the Elliptacle and stationary bikes, then around 8 or 9 weeks, i started with weight training and a boot camp class that was 3 times a week. I've enrolled in a 2nd bootcamp that's twice a week and started a yoga class. However, although I've active, I know I can do a whole lot more. Exercising 2-3 days a week isn't bad for maintaining, but I definitely want to keep losing so I know I much amp up the amount of exercise I do in the week. I hate that it gets dark so early nowadays becaus it makes me not want to do ANYTHING after work.
5). Just Saying NO - Christmas cookies, pies, cakes, candies, potato chips.....you know the deal. They get offered and I take a piece. Why can't I just say "NO"?
6). Eating the right foods at mealtime - Again, this kind of goes hand in hand with just saying NO. I'm going to blame the two men in my life for this one. LOL. The little one wants pizza rolls all the time and his dad wants Panda Express all the time... But enough excuses I know that this is one of the things that kept me from being successful in other diets that i've done. The inability to just make the choices that I need to make in order to get the job done. I have done some things to help me out when all they want is junk. I've pre-grilled some chicken breast which I keep in the fridge when I need a quick meal. Protein shakes have also been my savior. However, the more often I can eat the right foods at mealtime, the better off I will be.
7). Eating several times a day - This one is very difficult for me. I know I should be eating breakfast lunch and dinner with snacks in between. But, most often times I feel too full after my regular meal to go for a snack. Maybe I should make the meals and snacks the same size? Feedback on how to do this would be greatly appreciated!
So, as you can see, there are still some things I've got to learn and some things that I can improve on. It still amazes me that I can wear clothes that have been sitting in my closet for the past 7 years because they were too small. Now with about 45lbs left to lose until I reach my goal, conquering these things will be the key to my success. Most importantly i have to remain positive and celebrate every victory no matter how small, not to over analyze a "stall", and stick to the plan.
I wish everyone much success and I will share a before/after picture very shortly.
Happy New Year!
Hey everyone!
I figured I haven't blogged in a little while, so what better time to tell everyone how i'm doing than the 3 month mark. It'll actually be a full 3 weeks on Wednesday, but hey...I got some time right now. So, a lot of things have been going on with me emotionally these past few weeks. I started feeling the stress from wedding planning and budget, I lost some lbs.
Most notably, I've been up and down with just feeling overall sad. I'm not really sure why, but I know I have a history of periods of sadness for no apparent reason. I've always just handled it best I could and wait for the sadness to pass. This time though, my sadness was accompanied by just plain old evil. Been snapping at my honey for this and that. I know he's trying to be patient with me. So, I decided to take matters into my own hands and researched a little bit of "natural" supplements I can use to calm me down. And I found St. John's Wort. It says that i'll know whether or not it works in about 6 weeks, so I'll just play the waiting game.
Overall, I am still ecstatic over the weight loss. I can fit into things I haven't fit into in years. Co-workers are commenting on how I look. I just wish I could shake this cloud that's been over me. So that's where I am at 3 months. I know i"ll get over this hurdle! Many blessings to all!
Tomorrow I will be 10 weeks post-op and I can't believe time has flown by so fast. I have to admit, I finally know what others mean when they said "this is not the easy way out" I struggle daily with what my brain wants to do as opposed to why my stomach WILL do. But, it gets easier as the weeks go on.
I was a little scared the past few weeks because since the end of the Halloween challenge I was stuck at the same weight. As of Monday (yesterday) the scale finally moved down 4.2 lbs. I was ecstatic Just when my panick of never losing any more weight set in *poof* the scale is moving again. I want to say it has a lot do with my new fitness bootcamp class. I've been going for a week now at 5am in the morning for an hour of torture. lol. But, I think this is what got the scale moving. I'm glad I joined because I can now really see how weak my abdominal muscles really are since the surgery. Before I was able to do a good amount of crunches, now I can barely get my shoulders off the floor. I know in time it will be better.
Well, on to what I really wanted to talk about I have a crap load of clothes in my closet that I've been holding on to for years. Some of the clothes are items that I once wore when I was a smaller size and vowed to get back into one day. Others are brand new with tag items that were too small when I bought, but swore i'd lose enough weight to fit it. Well, just out of curiosity I pulled some things out of my closet to try them on. Let's see, a summer dress that I wore two years ago (once), and was uncomfortably snug, was actually too big for me! My fiance said I'd have to take it in. Can you believe it? Me? Take in a dress?? So, I went on and tried on a sleek black pencil skirt that I used to wear for business. The last time I tried it on, I couldn't get the side zipper to even touch. Now, the zipper went up with no problem. I tried on a dress that I wore about 2 weeks before my surgery. Looking back at the pictures, I swear i looked about 8 months preggo. But when I put the dress on, IT was too big! So, i'm going to be taking in a lot of clothes it looks like! It was like going shopping, but not having to spend a bunch of money lol. I can now fit several button up shirts and other dress pants that were just in my closet collecting dust. Next round I'm going to try on my New York and Company size 14 jeans that I held on to for the last 6 or 7 years. It would make me so happy to be able to pull those up over my knees!
I guess I'm still in awe about the fact that I'm really losing weight. I'm so glad I did the surgery. :biggrin2:
Well Happy Monday everyone! If you're like me, you once again managed to manuver a whole weekend of being off your eating schedule and work out regiment in order to do the "fun" stuff you've waited a whole 5 days to do. I almost couldn't wait for Monday to get here. Well, in terms of how I am eating. The week days are so much easier for me. I can put my day's worth of food in my little pink lunch bag and not have to worry about what I can eat off this menu. I feel relief to get up at 6:30am, have my protein shake on the way to work, my 20 oz of water before lunch, a little bit of yogurt, some soup for lunch. But regardless, i'm here. And it's another Monday.
This morning I stepped on the scale and much to my disappointment, the number hadn't changed from last week. The christmas challenge started and my goal was to get from 231 to 215 by December 25th and so far I'm not starting off very fast. I can't really complain though because I did slack off on exercise and I can tell you I haven't made the best of food choices. 40lbs lost since September 14th however, is still good to me. I know though in order to get to this next tier in my journey I have to buckle down and just do the damn thing.
I think I'm all healed up, no pain from incisions, no intolerance to anything (other than raw almonds...bleh). Several months ago, I bought a voucher for 30 days of a fitness bootcamp off Groupon. Well the time for me to redeem it has dwindled down, so I need to get in there by this week in order to use my 30 day pass. But, i'm so scared! lol. The class is at 5:30 in the morning and I'm terrified that this trainer will kill me. I've been cleared for rigorous exercise but other than brisk walking and the elliptacle machine, I haven't been that intense. So,not only did I buy this bootcamp class, I also bought a round of 20 yoga classes that I also have to use by the end of December. So, I guess if anything, come Christmas, I'll be one in shape woman! Well, tha'ts what i'm hoping.
As I'm sitting here typing I'm eating some lasagna a co-worker made for me. She's noticed the weightloss and she also noticed the lack of eating. I think she thinks I'm starving myself to get skinny lol. Bless her heart. The lasagna is awesome, but I obviously can't eat the portion that she served me, so it's going back to the fridge for later.
Wednesday I'll be 2 months post-op. Just seems like time has flew by so fast. My fiance asked if I feel different and I thought about it for a while. While I am ecstatic that my weight has been dropping, I honestly don't FEEL any different. I get up on the scale and it's obviously waaaay less than it was two months ago, but for some reason my brain hasn't really caught up yet. I'm not sure when that's going to happen. The last thing I want is to be blind to the changes that have actually occurred. I want to enjoy them every step of the way. But it does feel good when he looks at me and says, wow, you are melting away. Although i can't see it myself yet, it's awesome that I hear it from someone else. I'm curious about how other people are feeling around this 2-3 month point. Are you cognitive of the differences? Do you still see the same fat you in the mirror? When does it click that your body is changing?
Yesterday marked 6 weeks since my surgery and I have to say that I think I'm doing pretty well. I haven't had any follow up appointments w/ my Dr. yet. We are going to do that at my 12 week mark. Overall I feel energized. The only time I felt really drained was up to a week right after surgery and this past week when I came down with a cold. My biggest problem is just learning how to SLOW down my eating. I have started to really focus on this and I feel much better when the food goes down. I can eat little bites of anything and I still say away from breads and most carbs for now. I do plan on adding those back in at some point, but for now I don't want to overdo my sleeve. I can say that my situation right now is very normal and maybe even text book. Now hopefully my Dr. appointment doesn't come up w/ an issue (crossing finger).
So I was contemplating my life in the past 20 or so years in terms on my weight. I can remember going back as far as 3rd grade, i would look at the other girls' thighs when we sat Indian style (sorry "criss cross apple sauce") and thinking wow, my thighs are so much bigger. The women on my Dad's side of the family are all for the most part morbidly obese. To the point where they have very limited mobility. I grew up being terrified of turning out like that. So I always had my size at the forefront of my mind.
I remember in the 7th grade I weighed in at 145 lbs. Now I nkow that's a very awkward stage for everybody. But I would wake up early in the morning before school and work out to Denise Austin or that guy w/ the thick black curly hair w/ the accent. I know I was most out of wack then and it took a year or two for that to even out.
Highschool I think i was the most fit. I definitely didn't LOOK fat or obese, but I was a solid 175 lbs by the time i was a senior. Looking abck at all of my pictures, I surely didn't LOOK overweight. I just weighed a lot. I'm not sure why, but I guess i just had denser bones? Or maybe I really had more muscle than fat. I saw my prom picture and DAMN I looked good! So, why always the stigma of thinking I was too fat? The numbers on the scalse are misleading.
By the time I was out of college I was at 215. I was still bigger than a lot of women my age and hieight. But again I didn't look obese and when I had Dr. check ups, the nurses always comented how surprised they were that I weighed in as much as I did.
So, I finally decided not to worry about it, and in 8 years, I sky rocketed from 215 to 270. I looked at pictures and couldn't stand how fat I let myself become. Where was all that muscle? Am I really obese now? It came to realaity when the Dr's started telling me to lose weight and I have border line hypertension. I reverted back to that fear I had whne I was a little girl about not becoming like my female relatives on my Dad's side of the family.
I finally realized I had a problem on my hands and tried through diet and exercise turn it all around. Nothing worked. My self esteem plumeted and my depression increased. Now here I am now living with a decision i made to surgically alter my body in hopes of returning to a normal weight. 175. I'm going to look hotter in my wedding dress than I did in my prom gown.
Now I feel like I have a chance to back up and do all of the good things for my body I said I couldn't do because of my weight. I'm starting Yoga, Fitness boot camp, and am even going to take on my arch nemises....running. My body deserves for me to finally think highly of it and treat it with respect.
Sorry for the rambiling, but the thoughts were just swimming in my head and I had to get them out
Thanks for listening, fellow sleevers!
Yesterday marked 5 weeks post-op. I'm not officially weighing in until Monday, but I think I've lost another 2 lbs this week. At 6 weeks I'm going to do another video blog and take some pictures so I can compare them later.
So, I wanted to dedicate this blog entry to my one and only. My fiance. He has actually been very encouraging and supportive throughout this whole journey. When I first brought it up a year and a half ago, he told me to do what I think will make me feel better and be healthier, but he also said he loved me no matter what. I've always felt so self-concious standing next to him because he's very slim. He's 6ft 1in and weighs 186. At the start of my sleeve journey I was 5ft 6in and weighed 270. Yeah, we looked like the number "10" standing side by side lol. Again, he never had a problem w/ that...I did.
I told myself last fall of 2010 that instead of having an invasive surgery, I'd give one last REAL try at excercising and eating right to lose weight. Again....one last time I failed. From Fall to Spring 2011 I lost 10lbs then gained back 15. I was devistated that as many trials and tribulations that I've gotten though, this ONE thing keeps defeating me. I told my fiance in May of 2011 that I want to have the surgery, we came up w/ $5,000 because my insurance doesn't cover.
At no point did he ever try to talk me out of it and I think deep down he thought that it would truly make me happy. We flew to Mexico together in September and he was there every step of the way. He wanted to document everything right down to taking pictures of the partially removed stomach. We workout together. He makes me tea and broth... he's just been amazing. He and my best friend from childhood are the only ones who know about the surgery.
I just can't say enough about how happy I am to be marrying this man. He's accepted me before and I know he will accept me after I hit my goal. I can't wait to become the complete woman I know I was meant to be.
Yay! I'm at my 1 month surgiversary and I have to say I am feeling 100%. I am on full solids unless my mood just calls for some soup or broth and my exercise activity is almost normal. I'm very happy that so far I haven't had any significant drawbacks or residual pain from anything. My incisions are pretty much healed up and the only maintenance now is rubbing Vitamin A & E to get the scars not to look so ugly. I take my Kids Gummy Bear multivitamin and my B12 drops every day. I do not take a Calcium or Vitamin D supplement as of yet. I am waiting on my follow up appt with my primary care Dr. And if there are any deficiencies, we'll go from there.
I still can't believe that I can get full off of just 2 oz of food...I mean to the point where I feel like unzipping pants or take a walk to ease discomfort. So, i'm still learning on when to STOP so I don't feel like i just ate Thanksgiving dinner at every single meal. Case in point, today for lunch i had two boiled egg w/ little strips of Mozz cheese and bits of ham placed on each half. After I ate the first two halves I was getting full. However, I went ahead and ate the 2nd two halves...ummm...why? I dunno. I guess I'm still trying to learn that I don't have to clean my plate each and every single time. Anyone have any suggestions or tips on how to over come this? The last thing I want to do is eat so much that it comes up...like i did at week 2.
Next week, i'm going to do my first 5k of the year. I registered to walk this one, but should be A-OK to jog the next one I do. I've also scheduled myself for a 1 month boot camp class starting in November and a 1 month Yoga class.
I feel so good and my pants are falling off from the 30 lbs that i've lost. Co-workers have been making comments about how loose my clothes are. My fiance complains that my clothes are starting to look sloppy and that he has to buy me new clothes! lol. I'm so happy that I made this choice. I can deal with he food changes. I'll probably never be able to enjoy a double cheese burger from What-a-Burger again, but it does not even compare to the happiness I feel RIGHT NOW for making this life change! Can't wait for my wedding in June 2012! I'm going to look and feel better than I've ever had in my life.
I'm entering into my 3rd week of being sleeved and have done so well so far. I practically feel as 'normal' as I did the week before surgery. First week I was on clear Fluids, 2nd week, full fluids. The doctor said that in the third week, I should start experimenting...see what kinds of things I can tolerate..."even try mexican if you like mexican". Ironically the first day of my 3rd week, I felt HUNGRY like no other. It was like a fire that couldn't be smothered. So since the Doc said to experience, i figured that was my cue to do just that.
Breakfast was a hot bowl of whole wheat cream of wheat. Tasted pretty good and it left me oh so satisfied, quelching that ravenous hunger that was growing inside me. So far so good. For lunch I decided to try a "cheese steak soup" from Whole foods. It has chunks of steak along w/ green peppers and onion. I chewed on little pieces of steak which didn't go down as well as I would have liked, but they went down. Overall I ate about a half a cup before I couldn't do it anymore. Success. Dinner was a whole 'nother story. For some reason I decided to accompany my fiance on a McD's run and ended up ordering a chicken nugget kids meal w/ fries. I got down about 4 fries and two chicken nuggets (although quite uncomfortably). But it went down and I thought to myself, " I would have never thought I would ever be full off of TWO chicken nuggets!" Then, on to bed..
So the next day. Breakfast again was a nice "soupy" cream of wheat. Delicous. Lunch was a kid's pack of greek yogurt. But then the inevitable happened. Leftovers from a meeting in the break room. They were mini deli sandwhiches, so I picked off the cheese and ham and munched on that. Then I tried for the rest of the day to get in my crystal light. Fastworward to after work. Fiance decided to cook some steak and chicken in the slow cooker. We both thought the meat woud be tender enough for my tiny stomach to handle so I had a little bite. Next, I thought about those left over chicken nuggets in the fridge. Tore off the batter and got that down w/ no problem.
So what did I do next? Decided to take my left over cheese steak soup and warm that up and have a spoonful of that as well. Do you see where this is going? *gurgle gurgle* Oh no...the feeling in my stomach and in my esophagus was not pretty. I looked at my fiance and bubbled my cheeks as the universal sign that "I'm about to blow chunks" and raced to the bathroom. It all came back out..and oh ever so violently. Hovered over the toilet bowl, one eath shattering heave after another, every peice of whatever i put in my belly today came back out. Inside I'm saying "why meeeeee!"
So, I guess i've learned the first very important lesson: Take it slow and easy. The ONLY thing I want to eat again for a while is that cream of wheat! I don't know why but somehow I thought that vomiting woudn't happen to me. I've been feeling so good, I couldn't possibly comprehend that my normal behavior from a month ago, cannot be my normal behavior now. What an eye opening experience. Maybe somehow deep down inside, i really needed confirmation that the sleeve was real. And it wasn't really real until I threw up like the many sleevers that have gone before me.
I'm so NOT going to ever do that again lol! I swear!
Today is day 11 since my surgery and honestly, i really can't see how i'm ever going to be able to eat more than just a few ounces of soup. This morning, I started out w/ an 8-10 oz protein shake and i feel like it's been sitting in my stomach aaaallll day long. I didn't even have any rooom for any liquids. I did try to sip sip sip some powerade, but it's been an all day battle and I didn't even finish half a bottle yet. I guess my sleeve has started to form a mind of it's own.
Over the last few days, I have been obsessed with food. Looking at food in magzines, watching the Food Network, The travel channel. It's almost as if it's soothing to watch Man Vs. Food or Chopped. I go online and look up all kinds of recipes. Is this what food depression is? I definitely don't want to go down that slippery slope and eat everything in my sight once I'm able to eat food again. I do'nt know maybe the "food porn" is helpful in some way.
Overall i'm still happy about the surgery and deep down I know things will get better. My fiance already commented on how he can tell I've lost 18 pounds My very first goal was to get from 269 to 249 by Oct. 31, and it looks like i'm about to blow that out of the water.
I will continue with my 30 minute walks after work which I think has been really helping me get my mind off this food obsession. My Dr. says that I will be fine for regular exercise at about 6 weeks, so i've already signed up for a 30 day yoga class, a 5 K , and a fitness boot camp. I figure the nicest thing I can do for my body after butchering it, is to commit to a life of activity and exercise (not to mention eating well). I owe it that much.
Well, i don't really have much more to say other than my scars are healing very very nicely, and overall I feel good. I know as time moves on it'll only get better and better.
Hello Kiddies... today is Day two after surgery and we are back at Hotel Ticuan after staying overnigyht at the Hospital Mi Doctor Tuesday night and Wednsday night. I was very comfortable there at the hospital. There were 3 Doctors that handled my case. One was the Anestegiolist, i had a general Doctor, and then the Surgeon Dr. Garcia Govea. All were extremely personable and spoke good english. I think Dr. Garcia spoke the least amount, but I could still understand him pretty well. My nurse, Wendy, spoke very little,but she was very good at letting me know what she was doing through gestures plus, I knew just enough spanish to get her attention on certain things. I was almost a bit apprehensive to leave the hosptal to go bck to the hotel. I was given 3 medications -- pain, gas, & antibiotics--- to take for the next several days. I do have to say that I wasnt´really allowed to take the Gas-x strips that i bought because the Dr. said gas medicine was already being pumped into my IV. Oh that reminds me. The I.V. was one negative experience. Apparently i dont´hav eany visible veins on the tops of my hands or on the side. They stuck me so many times to get a good veign, but it left my arms all bruised up. Finally when they got one on my right hand, it slipped out the next day and the process of prickling me started again. They finally went for the big vein in the crease of my right arm -- where they take blodd when you´re donating.
Other than that, everything else worked out well. The first day, I layed down for most of the day and eventually begged the nurse to get me up and walking. The gas pain was almost too much to take! I didn´t fell any soreness from the wounds, only GAS. Each time i burped, it felt sooo good. When i tooted a little, it was like a ray of sunshine lol. I wasn´t allowed to try drinking the day of the surgery, but at the end of the second day, they gave me gatorade, water ice chips, apple juice and that blue stuff to check for leaks. Needless to say, the only thing I really drank was the blue stuff becaus I know it was very serious for me to do so. Everything else i sipped, not getting much in at all.
So today, day two:´I´m back at the hotel, forcing myself to sip on some gatorade every 30 minutes and walking every 30 minutes. I can tell you I feel 75% better than how i felt on Wednesday into Thursday. I´lll just keep walking and keep trying to sip sip sip on my liquids.
My fiance, was with me the whole time and has been pointing that camera in my face the whole time. There was a little bit of nausea after the surgery so I did vomit once or twice and he was there w/ the camera lol. He got the surgical assistant to show him the part of my stomach that was removed, so yes, now we have a picture of that. lol. I´m going to post as many pics as I can when i get home on Sunday.
Well, i´m in the business center at the hotel and it´s directly across from the restaurant so I´m ready to go back to my room lol.
TTFN!
OMG I can't believe my surgery is tomorrow. I'm sitting here at the San Diego airport waiting for Ricardo to pick us up. I can't stop thinking if this was the right thing to do. I know I've struggled with my weight all my life, but did I try hard enough? Now I'm going to go through with this permanent body altering procedure. Ok will continue! Ricardo is here!
Continued....
I am here now at the Hotel Ticuan in Tijuana. So far it´s very very nice. I bet the food here is awesome...but I wouldn´t know Ricardo was very very nice and personable, and I´m very pleased so far. So, for some reason, i feel a little better than <i did an hour and a half ago when <i started writting this blog entry. <i guess i´m now finally easing into acceptance. Well, me and my honey are going to enjoy the city a little bit before i got in tomorrow.
Wish me luck!
So August was definitely not a great month. Dreams of being sleeved on August 11th quickly faded with the death of my grandmother... 10 days later, an uncle died. Luckily getting surgery in Mexico is very flexible because I was able to call my coordinator (and since I am paid in full), she was able to reschedule me for September 14th. Things didn't go as planned this month, but i'm looking at this chain of events in a different light. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason so there must have been a reason the powers that be kept me from leaving the country when I did. I have accepted that and made peace with that. Days before my scheduled surgery I was freaking out and worried that I hadn't done enough pre-op, but now I have an extra month to kick myself into high gear and start doing that things that will help make for smooher surgery. I've continue to drink my protein shakes for breaksfast and lunch. I continue to drink loads of fluids (mainly water) every chance I get. I've been walking more and soon, I think i might start up some Yoga classes for the next 3 weeks. (I bought a 30 day pass off Groupon for only $20!) So, I feel pretty good right now.... Anxiety has decreased to a more manageable level and the change in date even allowed for my fiance to take the trip. Originally he wasn't able to come with me.
Now, the only other thing I need to do is do my grocery shopping for Post-op dieting and I'm all set...
Wish me luck everyone!
My original date was August 11th however a few days before leaving for Mexico, my grandmother passed away in her sleep while at a nursing facility. She's my mother's mother and the center of the family. Last year, living alone, she suffered a terrible accident while getting out of the shower which caused massive head trauma. That, led to two strokes back to back after going through surgery on her head/brain. But, she was so strong she didn't let that take her away from us a whole year ago. Surgery after surgery, infection after infection, she still prevailed. Left unable to talk and move, we still saw the emotion in her face every time we went to visit her at her bedside. My grandmother, the strongest woman I've ever known. She passed away at 9:30pm on a Saturday. She had a few visitors from the family through out the day. But by this time, everyone had left and it was just her, the nurses, and God. No infections were plaguing her...no irregularity of her vitals... She simply made a decision that it was time to go and be among the angels. The Dr's could give no reason that her heart stopped beating...only that it did. Although I am so painfully missing her and saddened by her loss, I can't help to think that once again, her decision to leave this earth was for all of us. She was telling us all to get back to living our lives, take care of your families, be at peace. With that thought and the fact that hers is the blood that runs through my veins, gives me comfort.
I love Grandma.
Ruthie Mae Benjamin - 6 children, 14 Grandchildren, 5 Great grandchildren
Sunrise 02-20-1945
Sunset 08-06-2011
Okay, so I've really been trying to tackle this 14 day pre-op diet. A protein shake for breakfast, one for lunch, and a sensible green salad with a protein for dinner. Sounds simple right? WRONG! I'm doing well with the shakes and vitaminds, but once I get home from work it's all over. It's almost like I can't STOP eating once I get home. I have my salad and grilled chicken, but I find myself foraging on my son's mac n' cheese, or my husband's steak or whatever else they have for dinner EVERY NIGHT. And they don't stop me either. Maybe subconciously I'm going into panic mode thinking I won't have those foods ever again? I don't know. But now i'm 6 days pre-op and i REALLY want to do welll these last few days. Starting Monday I can't have anything but clear liquids, but If I can't master this now, how am I goign to do after surgery???????
Today is Thursday July 14, 2011 and exactly 28 days from my Verital Sleeve Gastrectomy. Well, like many of you, I came to the point where my confidence that I'd be able to one day slim down finally crashed and burned. I finally came to a point where I felt that even with all of my dtermination and hard work, I simply could not pull off what seemed to be a minor adjustment in diet and exercise. I've been on that diet roller coaster for too many years, I've been living with that perverbial monkey clawing at my back for way too long.
In September of 2009, I had a very casual phone call with my very best friend from childhood. She lived in Raleigh, NC and I lived in St. Louis at the time. We've shared many things with eachother including an uncanny resemblance to eachother which caused people to beloeve we were beyond the "blood sisters" that we ceremoniously donned eachother back in the 4th grade. We were both weighing well into our 200's.... me at a staggering 250 and her at 238. In that seemingly routine "catch up" conversation she dropped the bomb. "I"m going to have the Lap Band surgery." What in the world? Did she honestly think she was so obese that she had to have some kind of invasive surgery. Was this her only choice? I shared those concerns with her and in addition secretly chalked her decision up to the fact that she was just lazy and didn't want to exercise. Afterall, it's all about the math...less calories in and more calories out. I got the picture. I was so convinced that this was the only way that weight loss would be met and kept.
So, in the next coming months, I was as supportive as I could be when she called and told me aobut all the many Dr. appointments trying to "qualify" for the surgery through her insurance. Around January of 2010, she was hit with the bomb that her coverage would be denied because her BMI was not high enough for long enough. Her hopes went flailing down the toilet. And my secret objections to it all were satistified. In the meantime, I did get curious about it. I talked with my insurance carrier just to see if it would be covered and of course it wasn't. So, any flighting thoughts of me having this kind of surgery as well were quickly spat on. But behold! in February she told me of another plan she concocted to leave the U.S. and have surgery in Mexico! WTF?!?! NOW she really IS nuts! Then I decided to get serious with my diet and exercise to prove to her that invasive surgery wasn't needed. In June 2010 she got the Sleeve done and 6 months later I saw her for the first time when I went to visit for Christmas. Ironically, I posted the below exerpt from a blog that I had on Fatsecret.com
"While visiting a friend in NC over the holidays, I did a lot of thinking about why it's been so hard for me to lose weight and keep it off. My friend, is 6 months into recovering from a weight loss surgery called "the sleeve". It's a procedure where they take 80% of your stomach to keep you from eating a bunch of food at once. She described how she had to only eat liquids for a whole two months afterwards and now when she eats solids, it's only a miniscule amount...too much will cause her to throw it all up (which I also witnessed). I gotta say, she went from about 240 lbs (similar to my weight) and now she's a svelt 1401bs. In only 6 months. Her body type was such that she didn't look obese or overweight, her BMI wasn't even high enough for Doctors in the US to operate (she went to Mexico), yet she decided that having her stomach removed was the easiest route to weight loss. I brought this up to my significant other and since he's a great man who only wants to see me happy, he offered to send me to Mexico as well and have the surgery. So, now the very wish that I've had for years has been sat right down in front of me. In the past few days, I"ve thought long and hard about actually having this surgery and what it would imply about who I am as a person. Am I the type that takes the easy road? Am I the type that takes the hard road for no reason? Would I be giving up? Could I just work really hard to exercise and get better more healthy-looking results? I'm not sure exactly what to do here, but I know that psycologically and physically, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to have this type of surgery. We can afford it, then I would drop more than enough pounds to fit into the wedding dress of my dreams...but I think i'm stronger than that. I think I can do this the natural way and feel much more accomplished once I hit my goal. And I WILL do it."
Looking back at that blog excerpt I still feel like I gave up. I feel like that all that hard work I put in to eat right and exercise was so useless that that reason I've opted for the Sleeve is because I'm a failure. Is it just me? Does anyone else feel the way I do? So, this past May of 2011, i convinced myself that going to Mexico and paying $5K would be the best thing for me to do. And I'm a big ball of emotions right now, I'm not really sure how to handle the feelilngs I have about feeling like a failure for doing this. I also find myself saying things like "oh when I get skinny, i'll be able to shop at ___ store..." Scary.
So on to the next level of my first blog: Going to Mexico. I used the same coordinator as my friend, Sandy at A Light Me. She set me up with a relatively newer surgeon by the name of Fernando Garcia Govea at a newer hospital. My insurance company doesn't want anything to do with weight loss. Seriously. I can't get anything covered concerning weight loss. But, I can however, get reimbursed through a flexible spending account for gym or nutritionist if my Dr. writes a note that says I need it because i'm obese. But what if I don't have a flexible spending account... Thank God I do, but really? Why can't something like this be covered by my carrier. They'd rather pay for me to be in the hospital for heart attack due to clogged arteries. So Mexico, here I come.
Over the next few weeks...months really, i'll be documenting my experience and ferociously lapping up all of the the other postings out there from people who are also going through this. To everyone out there in the blog-o-sphere, good luck! And I pray that everyone gains what they are searching for.
Current Weight: 270
BMI: 43.6
Height: 5'6"
Age: 31
Goal Weight: 170-180
