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About this blog

My Weight Loss Journey

Entries in this blog

 

WHAT have I done?

Wednesday, June 22, 2011   I guess I am starting this blog to help me sort out my feelings about food, weight loss, and the drastic step I have taken. I am not sure that I gave enough thought to the whole process before I had the surgery. (I had a Verticle Sleeve Gastrectomy on June 18, so I am four days post op). Before the surgery, I was all excited about being thinner, since I have Always, Always, Always been heavy. I imagined all the people who would comment on my weight loos in 6 months when they saw me again, imagined all the fun it would be to shop in regular stores (NOT Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug or Catherine's) and how wonderful it would be to be thinner and feel good. BUT, I didn't think about the fact that I am changing my life style FOREVER! I am a real "foodie". I love to cook and bake. And I love to eat. I didn't stop to think that I am gong to have to radically change how I deal with food.   My relationship with food is really complicated. I have over 500 cookbooks, and I read cookbooks like novels! I will often take a new cookbook to bed with me at night and read myself to sleep reading new recipes. One of my sons is a chef, and he and I love to trade recipes, and talk about what we have cooked, and what we have eaten lately, where we have eaten, what was different about the last place we ate, etc. My favorite film of all time is "Julie and Julia". I mean, food is (was) a major part of my life. I often say if I had discovered my love for cooking earlier in life, I would have been a chef instead of a nurse.   So now, I need to stop and think long and hard about food and my relationship with it. I know that I often used food when I was blue or depressed. I would eat to make myself feel better. Lots of times, I would bake food to take to work, because people always complimented me on what I had made, and loved to eat the baked goods I brought to work to share. It was a way of making myself "special" to people at work. Lots of times I didn't even eat what I had taken to work, it was enough to make it and take it to work for others to eat.   Also I am going to need to address my chocolate habit. I (unfortunately) have an addiction to REALLY good chocolates, like Godiva, Sees, Lindor, Stam. When I see a chocolate store in a mall, I just CAN'T walk by without buying a pound (or two) of chocolates. I know that this is a bad habit, and one that I am going to have to STOP! But right now I could almost cry when I think about not eating chocolates again. Such a big life style change.   Lots to think about. Lots to "Chew" on.  
KathyD49

KathyD49

3
 

Two Weeks Out!

Wow! Time flys when you're having fun! It has been two whole weeks since I got sleeved already! Seems like a life time in some aspects, and just the blink of an eye in others. But I am still trying to figure out my relationship with food, and trying to pin down why I sometimes eat stuff that isn't good for me. Like Wednesday night, we went to a local auction (I got some great stuff too!) and I decided to get a sandwich, eat a couple of bites and let Bill (hubbie) have the rest. Well that was fine, but also bought a brownie. Was going to take ONE bite of it and give to Bill. Instead I ate the whole thing! Like I needed a brownie. I am already having trouble getting my protein and water in, why, why, why would I eat a brownie instead? Sometimes I wonder if I have a death wish!   I mean, I love chocolate, but a brownie, there are so many other forms of chocolate that I would rather have! Sigh! I am trying to figure out a way, a system if you will, that will make me STOP, and evaluate what I am going to put in my mouth before I do it, and weigh the consequences of whatever it is I want to eat. I didn't loose any weight yesterday, and keep thinking, "It's the brownie!" I tired to figure out how many calories I DID eat on Wednesday, and it only comes to about 300, I don't know if that is enough to keep me from loosing or not. It seems that most days I get close to that amount. FRUSTRATION!   I am starting to think that I need to only get on the scale once a week, instead of every morning. Just concentrate on trying to get all my water and protein in, and whatever else I eat, try to keep it healthy. And then once a week weigh and see how I am doing. Any ideas out there. What do you other GVSers do? Weigh daily, weekly, monthly, only at doctor's check ups? What do you do? I am still trying to figure out this new life of mine. I want to do it right!
KathyD49

KathyD49

1
 

Trying to do Better!

Well, after yesterday's HORRIBLE experience with overeating, I am trying to do better today. In fact this morning I was almost afraid to eat! But I made my sign and posted it on the refrigerator that says "STOP! THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO EAT!" Hopefully it will help me to remember that I can't just stuff food into my mouth without thinking about quantity, quality, etc.   It was noon today before I got up the nerve to eat something. I poached an egg and put it on a half slice of toast. I ate it REAL slow, and was careful not to drink for 15 minutes before I ate, and 45 minutes after I ate. (Those were my surgeon's suggestions/rules for drinking liquids.) And am happy to report that I ate till I was full (when you eat really slowly you can pick up the "full" signal more easily). I discarded the last three or four bites, since I had received the "full" signal. I am going to ignore the guilty feeling I got when I washed the last few bites down the garbage disposal. (a remnant of my upbringing! You know the old "starving children in Africa" thing. That is partly how I got this way to begin with!)   So now I am (I hope) a REFORMED overeater! I am also looking for some (small) plates to use when I eat. One of the reasons I overate yesterday, is that I made the slice of toast and took it to bed with me, no plate, napkin, etc. Then didn't want to leave a few bites sitting on the bedside table cause my cat would get in it and make a mess, so I forced the last few bites down (too lazy to get up and throw in the garbage!). I am NOT going to eat in bed anymore either! I am going to sit down at the table or the breakfast bar and use a plate, and act civilized when I eat. This is all part of my "new improved" eating program! Wish me luck!!!
KathyD49

KathyD49

1
 

Today is my Anniversary!!!

Wow, they day time flies when you are having fun! Well, I MUST be having fun, cause today is the 3 WEEK anniversary of my surgery! It seems like the 3 weeks have just flown by, and I have to say, I feel SO much better than I did three weeks ago today!!!   When I woke up from my surgery I was sore and hurting (mildly) in the area of the five ports (incisional areas). It hurt to cough or take a deep breath. I felt like I had a huge gas bubble in my stomach that I couldn't belch up, and I just wanted to sleep, but my doctor and nurses kept telling me to "get up and walk, walk, walk!" I was SO tired to boot.   But today I am three weeks out, I have lost a total of 44 pounds so far (20 lbs pre-op and 24 post op) and I feel so much better. Initially I had trouble with getting enough water in. And it is still a small battle. I sip most of my waking hours, trying to get my 64 oz of water in. Some days I come close, some days I don't do so well. But this morning, I woke up at 5:00 AM (!) and was thirsty, so got up and got a ProJoe out of the fridge and drank the whole thing in just about 15-20 minutes! (ProJoe is a coffee protein drink from www.mybariatricpantry.com ). I ordered a sample pack of 12 and they came yesterday. This is the first one I have tried, and I was amazed that it was so good, and I could drink all 9.5 oz in that short of time!!! It usually takes me an hour or two to get 9 oz down. I am sure that my swelling (internal swelling that is) must be going away, allowing me to drink more fluid at a time.   ProJoe also has 20 gms of protein in the 9.5 oz, which is great. I have been really struggeling with getting my protein in every day(usually without success!). I was a huge Starbucks drink fan prior to my surgery, so am looking to substitute ProJoe for Starbucks. The drink I had (Magnifico Mocha) had 110 calories in the 9.5 oz, which is about the same as a Small Starbucks Skinny Iced Carmel Macchiatio (my favorite Starbucks drink).   Also have to report that I am swimming daily with my roommate. Yesterday I got up to 22 laps in the pool. (We have a pool just 1/2 block from our front door). My roommate swam every day in June, while I was home on vacation, and is up to 60 laps. Wish I was able to do that much. But am happy that I can add two laps per day! Am hoping that the swimming will help firm up my upper arms and thighs! I really want to improve my stamina and get some cardio exercise in, and hope that swimming will do that for me too!   In my opening paragraph I said I feel so much better today. I neglected to say that the "Gas bubble" sensation has finally gone away. I am finally having some bowel movements (sorry if that is TMI!) without the aid of a stool softener or laxative, eating a little bit without feeling miserable; in general, everything seems to feel better "all of a sudden"! Now if I could just get my energy back (I am still tired a lot of the time) I will feel REALLY GREAT!   So all you newbie VGSers out there, take heart! It seems that time does heal most things! Have a great day and GREAT weekend. I am off work this weekend, and am anxious to do something fun!   Later.........
KathyD49

KathyD49

4
 

Just Another Day

Well, I made it through my first shift back at work. But I have to say, I was BEAT this morning! Thankfully, it wasn't a hughly busy shift, so I could pace myself, sip on my water all night, got to take a break, etc. Some nights it is so crazy that even a bathroom break is out of the question (sorry, TMI!). Only problem was, I was way to beat to swim with my roommate this morning before going to bed. I got home and told her, "sorry, I am headed straight to bed!" And I slept like I had died. So now it is back to work again tonight and tomorrow, and then I have a couple of nights off, which will be nice.   When I got home this morning, I made my usual "Pit stop" at the scale on my way to bed, and was disappointed to see that I weighed the same as yesterday morning. Sort of discouraging. I walked a lot last night at work, and thought that would help in the weight loss battle. But then I know that weight loss isn't always smooth and even.   I was somewhat discouraged when I got to work last night. I had told two people at work (IN CONFIDENCE!) about the upcoming weight loss surgery, and when I got to work, it seemed like EVERYONE knew I had had the surgery, that I had gone to Mexico to have it, etc. I am not sure which one of my co-workers "spilled the beans", but am sort of upset that one or both of them would tell something that I had told them in confidence, and asked them NOT to tell anyone about! I am a contract worker, and did this between contracts, so it isn't like I had to inform administration or HR about the surgery. For all they knew, I was just taking some time off between contracts.   I had tons of "unsolicited" advise last night, about my diet, my weight loss, my vitamin intake, etc. There are three gals at work who have had various bariatric procedures (not sure what exact procedure) and one of them came to me to tell me how it was "the worst thing she had ever done in her life!" Now why would she tell me that? I am working hard to make a success of my surgery and post-op experience, and she tells me about her infections, her subsequent surgeries needed to "fix what the weight loss surgery did to me", etc! I mean, how depressing. I guess some people just can't let someone else be happy that things are going right!   Oh well, enough complaining. Have to start getting ready for work. Hope all you pre and post op Sleevers are doing well. Talk at you more later............
KathyD49

KathyD49

0
 

It's Wednesday!

I just can NOT believe this !!! I wrote an entry last night, and when I hit the publish button, it disappeared! And it just happened again. This will be my last effort at publishing my blog if it happens again! I am so technologically ignorant, so I have NO IDEA what is wrong, BUT am only giving it one more shot! (Some technology is just BEYOND me! My husband keep trying to teach me how to initiate a text message on my phone, and I keep telling him I DO NOT WANT TO LEARN! I can return a text message, but I can not initiate one, and that if fine with me. He keeps telling me "now here is what you have to do". I don't know what he doesn't understand about I DON'T WANT TO LEARN HOW TO DO IT!)   Anyway, enough of my ranting, I tried last night and again this morning, and it just "disappeared". I am easily frustrated by technology, so as I said, last attampt.   I got on the scale this morning, and good nes, down another two pounds. That makes a total of 36 pounds lost so far, 20 in the pre-op diet and 16 since surgery. A funny thing happened last night. We went to see some old friends last night, and she (an avid gardener) was walking me around the yard, showing off her garden. I reached down to brush a bug off my pants, and guess waht? I felt not only my muscle flexing as I walked, but also the bone underneath the muscle! Not this is the first time in my entire memory that I have felt muscle and bone on my thigh, not just fat! I was astonished and speachless! WOW! So I must be loosing somewhere, even though none of my clothes feel any looser yet. I am living for the day when I put a pair of pants on, and they won't stay up! I want to SEE some changes, not just experience them on the scale, although THAT is very rewarding also!   Well, I only have today and three more days at home before I fly back to California and return to work. So today I am GOING to get my house work caught up! No option, I have to get it done. So all you GVSers out there, have a GREAT day, and say a little prayer that I get my housework caught up. I am always uncomfortable when my house is dirty, and I want to leave knowing it is at least clean when I leave. Later........  
KathyD49

KathyD49

1
 

Improved Allergies!

Well, I have now done Two work shifts this week, and my third is coming up tonight. Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, I was so tired, that I could hardly stay awake; last night wasn't quite as bad, and tonight will be my third shift, then four nights off. Can't wait for the four nights off! But I have to say, last night was busier than Tuesday night, but it was easier on me. Am counting on tonight being even easier!   Has anyone out there researched "exactly" what oral vitamins a VGSers needs to take? When I went back to work Tuesday night, I immediately had three co-workers who had been through weight loss surgery come up to me and start questioning me about what vitamins I was taking, and giving me their opinion on what I needed to be taking. My surgeon said to purchase "a good oral multivitamin" and take it twice a day for the rest of my life.   These gals at work gave me WHOLE LISTS of vitamins that I supposedly needed, including sublingual Vit B 12, Vit B complex, Vit D, and some others (that I paid no attention to!) Now am wondering if I NEED to get on some of these. The one gal instructed me to head to Vitamin World and talk with one of their sales people. (Now why would one of Vitamin World's sales people know more than my surgeon?)   I bought (and am taking twice a day) an adult chewable multi-vitamin. In addition, I am taking the Nexium (acid medicine) twice a day, like my surgeon prescribed, and some medication for my Restless Leg Syndrome. And nothing else. Do you want to know the STRANGEST THING? Before my VGS surgery, I was on an allergy pill every day for my allergies, used nasal spray AT LEAST once a day, used my asthma inhaler at least once a week, and used my Advair inhaler daily to prevent respiratory problems. Also was taking a Celebrex daily for my arthritis pain, and was taking Crestor for my elevated cholesterol, plus a daily baby aspirin.   I had to get off all that before the surgery (at my surgeon's request). And so far, my allergies have improved to the point that I am taking NOTHING for them, no inhaler, no allergy pill, no nasal spray, no Advair inhaler, nothing. My PCP also told me to stay off the Celebrex if I wanted and the Crestor. Haven't bothered to start the aspirin again (am going to have a tooth pulled on Monday and dentist doesn't want me on aspirin prior to that.) So I am taking ALMOST NO MEDICATION! And I FEEL GREAT!!!   I can not for the life of me understand WHY my allergies have improved with weight loss, BUT I think it is great! I am loving being off all these medications! And am hoping that I don't have to go back on any of them. My personal care physician said to wait 2-3 months after being off the Crestor, and get a cholesterol level run and see if my cholesterol had moved back up at all. (Before medication it ran around 275 to 300. With taking the Crestor, it went down to around 100, or just under. So am hoping it stays around 100 so I can stay off the medication!)   I have been taking Celebrex since the day it came on the market. When it was introduced, I was working for an orthopaedic surgeon. The drug rep brought in a huge amount of Celebrex samples, and my boss suggested I try it, as I had bad arthritis pain, and didn't tolerate a lot of other NSAIDs. So have been on Celebrex 12-13 years! Since I seem to feel great without it, I thought "why not give my liver and kidneys a break?" and decided not to re-start it.   I mean, I am SO happy to be off so many of my medications! Wow! I did this surgery to feel better. (Was having a LOT of joint pain in hips and knees. I had no idea I would feel SO good and be able to stop SO many of my meds!) WOO HOO! Another reason to CELEBRATE!!! Later............
KathyD49

KathyD49

1
 

Food Choices !?!

I realised last night how easy it is to "slip" back into old patterns, habits, etc. I have been dreaming, fantasizing if you will, about homemade Mac and Cheese. One of the things I did pre-op was to cook, LOTS. I love to cook and bake. Well, a few months ago my roommate came up with the idea of purchasing a freezer and a food saver vac (one of those systems that allows you to vacuum pack your food and freeze it in a microwavable bag. I did this a lot. Would make large casseroles for our meals, and after we ate, would freeze the left overs in individual portions for us to eat when I didn't feel like cooking, or to take to work for our meal there.   I love homemade Mac and Cheese, and I have been dreaming about it. So last night, before I even knew what happened, I snagged a portion of it out of the freezer, nuked it and sat down to eat. Now I wouldn't worry if I had gotten in all my protein, but yesterday was a lousy day as far as eating my protein. The best thing I can say is that I didn't overeat. I stopped when I felt full, and was only miserable for about 20 minutes. And I have to say, IT TASTED GREAT!!!!! I just know that I can't go around doing things like that on a daily basis anymore.   Anyone out there have any ideas on how to deal with these cravings when they become overwhelming? I am trying so hard to get all my water and all my protein in, and when something like this happens, it sort of throws me for a huge loop. It is almost easier when I am working, as I pack my lunch to take with me, and all I have then is good choices! But when I have four or five days off, like now, the whole kitchen is there, with so many tempting choices, a lot of which are bad for me. Whoever said that WLS is the "easy out" has NEVER struggled with trying to make good choices after a lifetime of bad eating choices!   I know that what I did isn't fatal, and I'm not going to beat myself up about it for too long. But I am still trying to figure out my relationship with food, and learn why I made so many bad choice for so many years, when I KNOW what is good for me. ( I mean, I'm a nurse. I had to take nutrition in school. I know WHAT the good choices are, I just don't make them that often!) It would be SO much simpler if I could just stop eating entirely, like smoking, just go cold turkey and QUIT! Too bad they don't make a the equivilent of a nicotene patch for food-o-holics!   Well, it's time, have to get the old swim suit on and go swim my laps. Yesterday I was up to 24 laps, today want to do at least 26 or 28. Trying to "establish" the habit of exercising, something else that I haven't always made smart choices about in years past. But this whole new path I am walking demands that I TRY to make smart choices about food, exercise, etc.   Happy weekend to all my fellow VGSers. Hope you are having a great weekend. All of you think of me tomorrow, I go to the dentist for a 3 HOUR appointment! Am dreading it BIG TIME. (Did I mention that I have made poor choices in the past about dental care also?)  
KathyD49

KathyD49

1
 

Dedication to What I Want to Accomplish

I got on the scale this morning, and it was exactly the same as yesterday. And even though I have read tons of posts about plateaus and stalls, I was so disappointed when it happened to me this morning. And it has only been two days, so I am trying to give myself a little pep talk, and remember that the weight WILL come off. It is a matter of doing what I have been doing for the last month. (By the way, tomorrow is my 4 week surgiversary!)   Since my "little problem" on Wednesday morning (where I overate and was miserable and vomited) I have been trying to REALLY watch what I eat, and REALLY take it SLOW. So to get on the scale this morning and see NO change was a disappointment. But like I said, I know the weight will come off, I just have to keep on keeping on! (Easier said than done!) I am trying mightly to resist the impulse to step on the scale every time I walk by the bathroom! It is such a temptation. But I know that only sets me up to be depressed when the number doesn't change. Some days I really wish time would fly by, and I could be at my goal weight. But then I am trying to learn to enjoy not only the goal, but the journey. And I know there is so much I need to learn about making healthy choices. I need the journey to give me time to learn everything I need to learn.   It is back to work tonight. I work the next three nights (Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights from 7:00 PM till 7:30 AM), so have to take a nap this afternoon, so I will feel like working tonight. That's the other thing, the fatigue is still with me. I do think it is getting better, but still there. I keep telling myself with four weeks post op coming up, I will start to have more energy any day now! I hope I am right.   I am working hard to get my water and protein in today. I had a protein shake for breakfast (well actually I am still sipping on it. I can't do more than 2-3 ounces at a time.) And am alternating the drinks of protein shake with drinks of water.   Hope you all have GREAT weekends! Get out there and be active. I did my 36 laps in the pool this morning, and then treated myself to just layng in the sun for 20 minutes and relaxing. It felt great. Have a great one friends. Later.......
KathyD49

KathyD49

1
 

Day SIX

Friday the 24th of June   Well, it is day six post op, and my ports are hardly sore at all anymore. I can get in and out of bed, a chair, etc without much discomfort at all. On the down side, I am still running a temp in the 99s. It is minor, but a temp really makes me feel crappy. I finished the antibiotic that my surgeon gave me last night, and I still have a temp this morning, so I called my primary care physician and got an appointment for 11:00 AM this morning. Hopefully all it will take is a couple of antibiotic pills, and the temp will vanish also. On the brighter side, I lost two pounds! I am now down 28 pounds from the date I started the pre-op diet. Of course, 20 of those pounds were lost with the pre-op diet, but weight loss is weight loss, isn't it? So far none of my clothing is lose or baggy on me. I must have been wearing my clothes REALLY tight, as you would think SOME of my clothes would be lose after almost 30 pounds gone!   I felt really sick last night at bedtime. I was getting worried. For starters, I was running a temp then too, of 99.4 (not much, but as I said I always feel really crappy when I have a temp.) And I started having these cramps. I wasn't sure if it was gas or what. I was sweaty, and hurt so bad, and didn't know what was going on. I have tried to comply exactly with the post op diet instructions, so I was pretty sure it wasn't a leak or something like that. I got up to walk around, cause I was panicky lying in bed, and just couldn't stay there anymore. Well, when I got up, I got rid of a huge amount of gas (rectally, TMI, I know). And then...... I had to poop! First time since before surgery! And I felt SO much better afterwards! The cramping stopped, the sweating stopped, the anxiety vanished, all that was left was fatigue, which I came by honestly since I had been to my grandson's baseball game. Words can't describe the relief I felt!!!   I am still thinking about food, and what I am giving up (ah, that should be HAVE GIVEN up) to lose weight. Every food ad that comes on TV, every time we pass a billboard advertising some food I like, everytime I go out someplace, I think "wow, I'd Really like to have some_____________ (you fill in the blank, it doesn't matter, I want anything that sounds good to eat!) After reading one of my blog posts, one of you wise people suggested that I am "mourning" the loss of food. I think that hits the nail right on the head! Last night after the ballgame, we went to my daughters house and she had made homemade strawberry shortcake. I almost cried, I wanted some that badly! But I pulled out my zip lock bag with my protein drink powder, mixed it up, and drank my protein drink. My son in law offered me a mixed drink, which I guess would have met the post op guidelines, it would be clear liquid, but I knew it had calories. So I just thanked him and drank my protein drink. I'm really thinking about this whole food thing and how it relates to my life.   I mean, when I have company, I always bake something wonderful. My girlfriend came to see me the other day, and even though I felt crappy, I got up and baked a scratch apple cake with carmel topping. YUM! Just the smell almost gives me an orgasm! Of course I couldn't eat any, didn't even taste it. And I sent the left overs hone with her, so neither hubbie or I would be tempted. But why would I get up from my "sick bed" to make something that is a fair amount of work, just because one of my best friends was coming over? She would understand if I didn't make anything! My attitudes with food and friendshipand social interactions are all mixed together and scrambled around. (Scrambled? Using food terms to describe feelings?) Enough about food!   So, today is Friday, the beginning of the weekend, tomorrow I can start on full liquids, a BIG step forward. Will make my diet SO much more interesting. Also I want to throw a big "THANK YOU" out to LilMisDiva for her tutorial on how to add a weight loss ticker to my posts! Although I am fairly computer literate, I could NOT figure out how to add the ticker. Her tutorial is GREAT! Thanks LMD!!!   Enough for today. All you VSGers have a GREAT DAY and GREAT weekend. Get out there an DO something, be active.  
KathyD49

KathyD49

3
 

Day EIGHT!

Well, I KNOW that I wrote an entry yesterday and hit the button that said to "Publish Now". But it disappeared, and it never showed up on my blog space, so being technologically ignorant, I don't know WHAT happened to it. Oh well, not going to worry over it. It's post op Day 8 for me, and I am loving being able to advance my diet!   For those of you who have been reading about my journey (I'm not really sure anyone is reading this but me), I went to the doctor again yesterday for my persistant low grade fever of unknown origin. He decided that I had a mild urinary tract infection, and put me on antibiotics. And guess what? As of this morning, after only TWO antibiotic tablets, I have been fever free for almost 12 hours!!!! I am so happy, I am dancing in the aisles (figuratively anyway). I was beginning to get worried, and I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders! Happy Dance!!!   Last night my husband got the idea to take Ella (6 year old grand daughter) to the neighboring town to see the Cars 2 movie. It was fun, she loved it, and in the darkened theater, I sucked on and dissolved three of her chocolate M&Ms until they disappeared! I am bad! But oh were they good!   And today I got up, and I lost two pounds! I am down 31 pounds now. When I stumbled into the bathroom, I looked in the mirror and thought "there is that FAT girl in the mirror again!" I didn't look like I had ever lost an ounce. BUT after washing, brushing, flossing, etc, I stepped on the scale, and low and behold, down 31 whole pounds! My first thought was "I gotta adjust my weight loss ticker!" Even if it doesn't show yet, the scale rewards me with positive reinforcement, just by moving down a notch or two. Talk about a RUSH!   I will be flying back to California a week from today to return to work. So one of my projects this week is boxing up my "too small clothes" and mailing them to myself in California. I mentioned a couple of days ago, here I have lost 30 pounds, and none of my clothes seem even a little bit loose on me yet. But I am confindent that EVENTUALLY some of my stuff is going to start to look big. Hopefull ALL of my stuff with start to look big on me, and I will NEED to move to my smaller size clothes.   Also got to box up my scarpbooking stuff and mail it to myself, so I can work on some of my scrapbook projects on my time off. And today I am going to attack my house and clean. I may not get the whole house done, BUT I AM GOING TO MAKE A DENT IN THE MESS AROUND HERE!!! I am sick and tired of living in a mess, and am going to do something about it today. I did something about the mess my body was in 8 days ago, and today I start doing something about the mess my body is living in.   To any and all of you VGSers, Have a Great Sunday! I'm heading down to the treadmill.
KathyD49

KathyD49

2
 

Bad Choices, AGAIN!!!

Just when I finally think I have a handle on things (Like I thought the other day with the revelation about being active and living longer) I seem to screw it up by making some kind of a bad choice.   This morning on my way home from work, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up some bread (we were out), some almond butter and some bottled water. Well when I got home, I thought "you know, toast with almond butter sounds good for breakfast!" So I popped a slice in the toaster, and pretty soon I was buttering it up with almond butter. And then off to bed I trotted. The last two or three bites of the toast slice were hard to get down. BUT, I presevered, and ate the whole slice! (The old thing about children starving in Africa you know!) And I am sitting here asking myself "why, oh WHY did I force those last couple of bites down?" And to add insult to injury, I swallowed a gulp of orange juice after I ate the toast!   For the last hour and a half, I have been in misery! I keep belching up little bits of orange juice. (Sorry! I know, T.M.I.!)It is so bad, I can't lay down at all. Every time I do, I feel like I am going to vomit! "WHY, oh WHY did I eat those last three bites?" You would think I would learn! Thankfully, I don't have to work tonight, so I might be tired from working all night and not sleeping today, but at least I won't have to drag my sleep deprived body back to work tonight!   I am going to make a BIG sign and hang on the refrigerator. It is going to say "STOP! Think before you eat!" I have got to learn that I can't eat like I used to eat!   For many years, eating at work was an activity similar to the Olympics! Since you never knew when you were going to have your lunch interrupted by some mom delivering her baby, you sat and ate as much as you could, as fast as you could, or risked not being able to eat your lunch at all. That attitude has crept into my home life meals as well. When I would sit down to eat, no conversation, no pleasant enjoyment of the company your were eating with, just sit and shove the food in as fast as possible.   I am thinking I need a sign on the dining room table also, "STOP and ENJOY!" Enjoy not just the food, but the company, the smells of dinner, the visual aspect of eating good food, the whole process of eating a small, but healthy meal.   So many things to figure out! So many changes that need to become habit! Later...........
KathyD49

KathyD49

1
 

Back to work Tonight!

I am back for one more try at this. When I got up this morning, I sat down and wrote a LONG blog entry. Proof read it, and hit the Publish Now button at the bottom of the page, AND.....the whole thing DISAPPEARED! I CANNOT figure out what I am doing wrong. But I am persistent if nothing else, so I am trying AGAIN!   I arrived back in California on Sunday evening, late. Stayed overnight at a cute little botique hotel on the bay and got up early, showered, packed up and loaded the car to get home before the day was over. And guess what? My car wouldn't start! What a bummer! On the 4th of July no less. A HUGE thanks to Bob Jr.'s Towing Service who came to the hotel and jumped my battery, escorted me to an open Firestone Store, where they replaced the battery and got me on the road!   Arrived home around 5:00 PM (four or five hours later than planned, but home sweet home!). Spent most of the evening unpacking, cleaning the condo (my roommate doesn't clean!) and getting some (very little) groceries.   I have been contemplating how to get more active and expend some calories. When I was at home in Iowa, I could get on the treadmill (for a couple of minutes anyway, then had to quit cause I was exhausted). But the treadmill wouldn't fit in my suitcase, although I tried to bring almost everything else from home back with me! So this morning I went swimming with my roommate when she got home from work. She does (an awesome) 56 laps of the pool every morning. (we are so lucky, the pool is just a 1/2 block from our front door!) So I went and did 18 laps. That was all I could manage, but at least I tried. Am going to try and swim with her every morning. Also going to try and add at least two laps per day so I can start to build up my endurance.   Also going to start to walk on a regular basis. Just not sure when...... It is 106 right now where we are located. I don't think I can walk in heat like that! Maybe in the mornings, after I swim. But got to start doing something for my cardio!   A happy note, this morning, I was down another two pounds. I haven't weighed in several days, since my scale was a casualty of my "overweight suitcases". I had to unload about 15 pound worth of stuff at the airport, or pay $100 in overweight charges! YIKES! So Bill hauled all the stuff home for me from the airport, and boxed it up, and is mailing it to me. (Bless his heart!) I am so excited, I can't wait to be in "One-derland". It will be a couple of weeks yet, but I can see it in the distance. I am SO excited!   Well, have to get ready for work. Hope all you Sleevers out there had a great 4th of July. Later.........
KathyD49

KathyD49

0
 

Back in California

It's Monday, the 4th of July, and I am back in California. It was SO HARD to leave home and Hubbie yesterday! I sat at the airport and cried. So if you were in the Des Moines airport yesterday afternoon and saw this old chick sitting at the gate sobbing, it was ME! I held it together till Bill dropped me off, and I got through security. But then as I was sitting there waiting to board my plane it hit me like a ton of bricks, "I'm leaving again, and won't see family/friends/home for at least four months!" And the tears started to flow, by the bucket. But today I got up and decided to get with the program again and put my little breakdown behind me. I mean, this is the life style I CHOSE, so why should I be upset when I have to live it?   I made one happy discovery at the airport also. I bought a bottle of water (AFTER I got through security) and happened to pick up one of those little packets of Crystal Light meant for a single bottle of water (Orange flavored). And found it pleasantly surprising in taste! I have been having trouble getting all my water in, and this made it much easier! So today on the way back to my condo, going to make a pit stop at the grocery store and get some Crystal Light and a couple bottles of water to haul to work. Won't need to buy anyting else, as I eat so little these days, and my condo's kitchen cupboards have enough supplies in them that I could feed an entire army division. I know that I have enough food that my cupboards will still be full when I am finished with this assignment at the end of November and move home. I'll probabbly never have to go to the gorcery store again!   The highlight of my day these last two weeks has been getting on the scale every morning and rejoicing at what it says. Sadly, at the airport, my bags were overweight (like Momma-like bags?) and I had to take stuff out of them before I could check my bags. My scale was one of the causalties. Bill says he will mail it to me, but no more morning scale readings for a week ot two till he gets in the mood to take all my stuff to the post office and mail to me. Also my new pair of "A" kicker sandles were a casualty, along with some of my smaller clothes. On the way to the airport, I stopped at Lane Bryant (MY LAST trip to LB?!?!?!?) and bought some new underwear and bras. Bill said to me, what are you going to do about that (meaning how are you going to get that back to California when your bags are stuffed full and overweight ALREADY?) Well, I carried my sack onto the plane and no one even challenged me, even though I already had my two carry ons. I mean, WHO (in their RIGHT mind) could deny me some nice new underwear and matching bras??!!?? And I am looking forward to putting them on this morning and admiring them in the mirror!!!   Well, I guess I should hit the showers, and pack up. I stayed in San Francisco last night (didn't get in till 10:00 PM which is Midnight Iowa time, so was BEAT.) at a hotel, and still have a 2 1/2 hour drive to get back 'home'. So until later all you VGSers, have a SAFE and SANE Fourth. Enjoy!
KathyD49

KathyD49

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Active for Life

I just read somewhere that people who live long lives all have one thing in common, they are active. It got me to thinking, I have been (reluctantly) swimming laps with my roommate every day since I got back to California from having my surgery. I dread it every morning, cause she really spurs me on and encourages me to add a couple of laps to my total every day. I was almost to the point where I resented it!   But after reading this I got to thinking, Question: 'why did I have the surgery?' Answer: 'I want to live longer, I want to hurt less.'   Another question: 'what do I expect from the surgery?' Answer: ' to lose weight, to keep it off.'   Another question: 'How can I expect my body to do it all, without any help from me?' Answer: 'I CAN'T! I have to help my body make this change!'   Wow! Big revelation, I have to do more than just sit there and observe. I have to be a PARTICIPANT!!! I can't just sit around and watch (and hope that) my body changes for the better. I have to take an active role in this whole thing, by making good food choices, getting in all my protein and water, being active, and pushing a little, so that my body knows that I expect it to do a little bit more all the time. Sure there will be times when I can't get my exercise in, or can't make the best choices I should as far as nutrition. But the majority of the time, I am in Charge! I am the one calling the shots, and I have to step up to the plate and do the right thing.   I thought of all this while I was sort of floating around in the pool this morning (killing time), wishing I had my 30 laps in. As this whole thing started to unravel in my head, I started swimming for all I was worth, trying to get those 30 laps in! Because one thing I know, I want to live a long time. (I'm only 62!) I want to see my grandchildren grow up, go to college, get married, etc. I want to see my great-grandchildren (just not to soon!) I want to be like my Mom, 90 years young and still in her own home, doing all her own cooking, cleaning, laundry, driving, playing organ for church twice a week, teaching Bible study twice a week for the "old people" at the local nursing home, doing everything she wants. I want to be like that! Yeah life, I want to be there for a lot of it!   later......
KathyD49

KathyD49

1
 

5th Post Op Day

Thursday, June 23, 2011   Well, I am five whole days post op now, and have to admit, I am feeling better every day. I took a couple of pain pills last night, but not because I was really in pain, I just wanted to assure that I slept well. Also I seem to be running a low grade fever (around 99.4) and wanted to get some Tyelnol into my system to get the temp down. I am taking the antibiotic that the hospital sent me home from with, and it tastes like CACA! It is liquid, and I hate it. But I am trying to be a Big Girl (maturity wise, I already have the physical "big girl" covered!) and take the antibiiotic as prescribed.   When I had my hip replaced ten years or so ago, I procrastinated all day long on injecting my anti blood clotting medication, because I HATE needles (funny thing for a nurse to be afraid of, Huh?) But I am trying to do everything I am supposed to do to make sure that I get well and feel good ASAP. I have to return to work on July 5, so I can't afford any complications. And I want to feel good when I go back to work. I work 12 hour shifts in a very busy Labor and Delivery department, and I can't afford to be "off my game".   I was pleased that I got almost all my liquids down yesterday. I hadn't really tired hard before yesterday to get my liquids in. But was reading somewhere on this board how important it is to drink all your liquids, so made a special effort last night, and got almost all of it down. I am starting early today to get my liquids in, so that I won't have to sit and just sip all evening tonight. I am SO looking forward to starting mushy foods! I also need to get busy with my protein drink. I haven't been getting my protein in like I should, so starting today, I am going to work on that in addition to getting all my fluids in.   Well, no new revelations today. I went to bed last night thinking about what I had written last night about my relationship with food and eating. I still seem to be "chewing" on it.   My employer called me yesterday and wanted me to take a drug screen test today. Now they didn't know that I had surgery, cause I took a month's vacation to have the surgery, but they were sort of "unsympathetic" when I told them I had just had surgery and was still taking pain pills, so couldn't take a drug screen. Wanted to know "how soon I would be off the pain pills so I could take the drug screen"! Geez, just a drop of empathy would be nice!   Well, I am going to tackle cleaning my house today, so I need to get busy. I live and work in California most of the year, but our home is in Iowa. My husband doesn't travel with me, he stays home in Iowa most of the time, and his definition of clean doesn't match mine. So on the infrequent times I spend time at home, I spent a lot of time cleaning, picking up, trying to get the house in shape. So that is my task today. (Not that I will get everything done by any means, but I can start!)   If you are reading this, I am sending good thoughts your way. Have a GREAT day!  
KathyD49

KathyD49

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