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About this blog

Or at least the weight loss part of my life

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2.5 Month Update

l started this post a couple weeks ago. Apparently I'm bad at this.   I responded to my Stupidity spreads like herpes entry in case anyone is interested. I don't know if it sends out notifications to posts you've responded to when a new reply is made. Turns out I can't be the food police and the people who do these things and look for ways to cheat aren't going to be successful and that's just how it is.     So what's new with me?   I made it to wonderland. I am 198 (clothed) as of yesterday; official hospital weigh in. that's 83lbs down from my highest weight. I really thought I'd be more excited. I think it's partially because I got a cold at the same time so I felt like complete ****. It's been almost 2 weeks now and I'm stick hacking out stuff. I do feel so much better than I did, though. When I'm completely well, we're going to DDR to celebrate. Or more specifically, I am going to DDR until my legs give out!   Oh how I love you DDR. For those of you who don't know what DDR is, it's the rhythm game Dance Dance Revolution. Most people know what I'm talking about when I say, "the game with the arrows you have to step on." I have it for PS2... er had. Apparently we sold the games, but we've still got the pads. Hopefully someday we can turn them into hard pads and get the games again. I would love to have my own DDR machine, but I don't have the extra 5K to buy one, nowhere to put it, and I hear the pads need constant maintenance, which I would have no clue how to do.   I used to be really good at DDR. Well, good for me. Both of us were. My bf could do most of the songs on Heavy, and I could do most of the songs on Light and a few on Standard. The last time we played before this most recent time a couple weeks ago our general consensus was: I used to be able to do this. Having lost all this weight has made a big difference between then and now. I'm just below where I was at my DDR prime.   It's always been a dream, goal, fantasy of mine to be able to do Cowgirl on heavy. Here is a great video showing a guy doing Cowgirl on heavy on doubles. My goal is to do it single player, but I feel that this particular video shows exactly how hard this song is to do with all the galloping and fast steps. Most of the other videos on youtube don't show the foot movement so well. I am nowhere near this yet. I just can't move fast enough yet. But some day, even if it kills me (!!!) I will do it!    September I went though one of my totes of old clothes I had been saving to fit back into. Mid October I had the bf get down my next tote. I wasn't expecting to fit anything in it, but I'm so glad I had him get it down. A lot of the things fit and some were too big. I'm extra happy as well because if I had gotten to my red pants and had them be too big, I would have been disappointed. While going through my clothes, I separated everything into keep, clothing exchange / GoodWill, and eBay. If it wasn't for my credit card bill from being off work for a month, I would probably be too lazy to eBay anything. I'm the kind of person who never carries a credit card balance and now I have an outrageous (for me) one.   I still need to take pictures of everything and post it all. I'm so bad at putting things off. I wonder if it would be ok to post a link to my listings here once they're up?     The Red Pants   OMFG my red and black pants fit OMFG!!! Now that was just f**king amazing! That's exactly what I said too, "O M F G!" The smile on my face could not get any bigger, it was so awesome!   I got these pants back when Torrid made quality clothes that actually fit and didn't make plus sized women look like ugly clowns; about 8 years ago. I wore them on our first date. I still have the top I wore with them. One of the first thoughts through my head besides pure joy was, "ok, I'm done losing weight. It can just stop now and then when these pants wear out, then start again." lol. That is how much I love these pants! The fabric, the style, the cut, everything about them I absolutely love and they don't make pants like them anymore.     I have my 3 month (12 week) follow up appointment on Monday. I have heard from others that it's a waste of time and that some people just make one on one appointments with their surgeon. I'm hoping that it's free.     Last night the BF made butternut squash potage. It's fantastic! It was so yummy and filling and it made me regular if you know what I mean. Which is why I'm sharing this. It's probably not something we should eat, but it's delicious, easy to make, and as mentioned, has other helpful benefits as well. And if you're anything like us, not something we'll eat often anyway. He happened to see the recipe and we happened to have leftover squash. That's the link to the video. They make it with pumpkin. He doubled the recipe, caramelized the onion and squash instead of just browning, used chicken broth instead of water, no bullion, substituted the heavy cream with fat free half and half, and I'm pretty sure he cooked it longer so it would thicken up more. Cooking With Dog has a bunch of great recipes. One of our favorites is Mapo Tofu. I haven't had it since surgery, but I'd like to.    As I mentioned in my other post, I'm doing a 5k on the 12th. I haven't been training for it. I've been so lazy. =/ We were really good about walking most days of the week after surgery but then it rained early October and I got lazy and have only exercised like twice since then. I know I can do the 5k, but I will be more sore than I would be otherwise, and that's not fun. Bestie and I did the same one last year together and I did the same thing, didn't train. Ugh, I wish I wasn't so lazy when it comes to exercise. I want to exercise but I can find every reason not to. Needless to say, I won't be beating my best time. My goal should be to finish. But my real goal is go finish and not be last. That's always my goal. And to beat my previous time, which isn't happening this time (repetitive much).   After that 5k I'll decide if I want to do the one on Thanksgiving. I really want to, but it really depends on how I feel after. If I have enough money I'd like to do the one in the city north of me and the one in the city south of me. There's something about 5ks. I just want to do them!   We want to do Bay to Breakers again next year. He wants to do it so he can pig out at our favorite Thai restaurant (like we did last year). That's not a motivating factor for me anymore. I want to do it to do it. And hopefully be more prepared and possibly beat this years time. Plus I want to get the pictures from it so I can have before and after pictures as well. Which is one of my motives for my next 5k as well. >.>   I had this idea earlier today. I have no idea if it will even work. It's to do a 5k a month every month next year. Of course idk if there are that many 5ks near me.   My current goal is to be able to walk 3 miles every day like it ain't no thang. And then to add a mile each Sunday (our designated long walk day) until we're up to 10+ miles. I would love to get up to at least 13 miles. I want to try the Nike Half again. But I want to really be prepared for it unlike last time.   I've even made a training schedule, but haven't been sticking to it. I think a good goal for the end of the year is to have 3 miles be easy. Maybe be up to 4 miles on LWDs. Besides all the excuses I can come up with, the rain is a real detour. I know I can go to the gym and walk or use the treadmill at the parents house, but walking long distances on the treadmill kinda sucks.   There's a 5k / 10k / half marathon happening a week before B2B that's put on by the same people who put on the 5k I'm doing on the 12th. I really want to sign up for the 10k. I'm confident that I can be up to that distance by then.... if I start training now like I want to but can't seem to. But idk if that's a good idea right before B2B. It's a mostly flat course. So it shouldn't be too hard. Unlike that wretched hill at mile 2.5 during B2B. If you want a challenge walk/run/whatever half a mile at 12% incline on a treadmill. It's brutal. We went monthly to the city to walk it to get ready and I practiced a few times on the treadmill.   I really want to get one of those arm things that you put your phone/mp3 player in. I got a smartphone, so I have a bunch of good music on it now, but my workout clothes don't have any pockets. And while I could stick my phone in my bra, I don't want to do that because I don't want my sweat to mess it up. I usually don't wear sweaters when I workout because I get too hot. Any recommendations on good arm music things (idk what they're called)?   I have Wii Fit Plus, Just Dance 2 & Summer Party, and Zumba for the Wii but I haven't been playing them. I do have one complaint about the Just Dance games. My right arm gets SO tired and my left arm is just fine. It's really annoying! I like exercising both sides equally. Those games don't allow this since it only picks up your movements in your controler hand. See, I have no excuse not to exercise. I have plenty I can do without even leaving my apartment.   I'm probably just going to need to make a weekly excercise schedule based on when I work (I don't have a regular schedule, my company sucks in that way) and the weather. I should go to the gym after we go grocery shopping tomorrow after work.   I feel like I'm rambling now. Time for bed.
My Life as Liz

My Life as Liz

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Yesterday I had 2 NSV's. First I was able to fit into this short sleeved jacket thing. I could fit it before a little, but it was too tight and I couldn't button it. And now I can. And it's super cute. =D. And then I tried on this super cute hoodie that my sister got for me like 3 or 4 Christmases ago. It didn't fit at the time so I never wore it but I was so insanely happy that she got it for me! And now I can fit it. I was so happy I cried. =''''D I had to calm myself down before I could leave for my moms.   I drove down to my mom's to go to this Indian thing at her church where they talked about their missions trip to India, sold things to raise money for their fund, and served dinner. We bought a few things, listened to the presentation and then ate. I'm on state 3 now, so I was bad and ate solids. I had a little curry (I think) chicken, tandoori chicken, and a bite of potatoe. It was tasty. I tried a small bite of their dessert balls and had to spit out out. It was way too sweet. We brought a tupper with us and took the rest of mine and a second plate home for my boyfriend.   Today we went to a flea market about 2 hours away from my moms (1 hour from me). We didn't get anything, but they did have fake MAC, which I found amusing. And was kinda shocked at appalled when I announced it was fake and a lady still bought some. smh.   Then we went to my sisters so I could cut her hair and we could visit my nephew (he's almost 3mo). During the cut she told us about this guy she saw at the park who was running or jogging who had man boobs. Wait, no. They weren't man boobs, they were full on breasts. He needed a bra. It was "SOOOOOOO GROSS!!!" According to her. She did not say what build the guy had. I told her that some guys have gynecomastia and can't help having boobs b/c it's a natural disorder. Her response: "ew that's gross." Yeah, it's so gross that some people are born with disorders that they have no control over. Yeah, ew. Who cares if they have feelings, lets all talk **** about them. And that is why I can't tell her that I had surgery. It also brought home how oblivious my mom is to her fat bashing. She was laughing at my sisters story. I didn't think it was funny. Of course me being the one always made fun of for their weight by a lot of people, my own family included, thought, how would this guy feel if he knew people were saying this about him? He's out there running or whatever, getting or at least trying to get in shape. Good for him. Not, ew gross. What if he lost a bunch of weight and now has saggy skin that looks like man titties? Either way there is no reason to recall this moment later with a group of people. Were is moobs so gross you couldn't stop thinking about them? Seriously. I think a lot of mean things in my head (and don't you dare deny it, we all do this! I never said I was proud of it) and some times I feel bad about it, but I don't go, "omg I saw this person today and they looked like this, ew" later when with friends.   I think it was right after surgery when everyone was visiting me and my mom mentioned my sister and I think it was my boyfriend who said how she's always fat bashing and my mom was like, "she doesn't do that" and my sister in law was in the background nodding her head vigorously like, 'oh yes she does' and I think my bf said just that. I can't remember if I said anything at all. I was so out of it.   Continuing along. So my bf and I got new phones on Friday, They're so awesome. So I was taking pictures of my nephew with my phone. He is just so cute! Then my sisters husband asks/tells me not to post any pics of him on Facebook. I'm like, ok. I didn't think much of it. Then he said something like, you can send pics to us to see. This gave me the impression that I needed approval before posting any pics. They he added, and we can post them if we choose. I was just like, ok. But this really pisses me off and makes me really really sad. First why I'm pissed off. It's so minor but it's still important to me. So the way I feel is that if I took it I should be the one who posts it. It's mine. It's my creative shot, angle, whatever. I should get credit for it, it's mine, I took it. Like I said, minor, but still. Then I was sad for varying reasons. He's my nephew. I'm a proud aunt. I was to brag about how cute my nephew is just like everyone else does and be able to say, look how cute he is. I have everything set to friends only, btw. It makes me sad b/c now I can't post a picture of us together, like me holding him. It makes me sad because I just want to be like everyone else. And then I start thinking, did I do something wrong? Is that why they don't want me to post anything? I understand the security issue. But it's not like I'm posting where they live or even allowing people I don't know to see them. Or plastering her boobs all over FB. It was after I texted a couple pictures to my bf who wanted to see them (he even asked me, "is it weird if I want to visit them to see nephew and not them?" He hasn't seen him in person yet) that my BIL said to not post pics. I posted pictures from the day he was born. I thought if there were any pics up that they didn't want up they'd tell me and I'd take them down. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. I keep wondering if I should take them down or leave them. I cried a lot about this. Then I texted with my bf and helped calm me down.   Around my family I always end up feeling bad about myself. Like I've done something wrong. I wish so hard that I had someone I could call and talk to who I didn't feel like I was being a burden or inconvenience on.   No one offered to let me hold the baby. I feel weird about asking.   Neither of them noticed I had gotten new (different) glasses or that I'm smaller. (Like 50lbs since March, total like 62ish lbs.) I even had a whole comeback ready. Like if they said something about me looking different, I could reply with "new glasses" and completely dodge the weight issue. It was kinda nice not to have my weight mentioned.   When I first came down yesterday my mom gave me my bfs birthday card to give to him and told me she got anniversary cards for my sister and brother who both have anniversarys coming up. I told her that my anniversary is coming up. She had this look and tone in her voice like, what anniversary? Like it didn't count as an anniversary. Not that it didn't count for anything but like calling it an anniversary was different or something. It'll be 8 years next month. I am so sick of people making me feel like **** because I'm not married. If you want me to get married so bad then pay for it! Because I certainly don't have the money.   I could go on forever about this issue specifically. But I need to go to bed.   So I will leave you with this:   At least I can fit into this computer chair now.
My Life as Liz

My Life as Liz

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