Life feels very lonely right now. Things aren't going well at work and there have been some struggles in my personal life. These aren't new issues, I just don't have access to the coping mechanisms that I used to have. Prior to surgery, I would have been drowning my sorrows in a big mac and fries. I have been, hands-down, a complete and total emotional eater. So now that I can't turn to my old habits, I'm not quite sure how to process all of this.
Today was a good day. My liquid diet didn't seem so impossible and I worked up a sweat on the elliptical for the first time since surgery.
My name is Katy. I'm 33 years old and have struggled with my weight all of my life. I've always been super active: played soccer all of my life, started playing ultimate frisbee in college, did a couple of mini triathlons in the last couple of years, etc. But I love to eat and I'm am a complete and total emotional eater. I've also struggled with depression for the last 10 years and I definitely turned to food to help me with that. I was sad so I ate, then felt bad about eating, which made me feel tired, so I decided to eat some more and the vicious cycle just kept going.
I had the gastric sleeve procedure on 8/13. The surgery went well. I woke up in the hospital that afternoon feeling nauseous and scared about dealing with the new lifestyle I'd just choosen. 'How in the world was I going to do this? No wait, I can't do it. Why did I do this to myself?' In addition to dealing with complete and total nausea for 4 days post surgery, I had this constant stream of questions running through my mind. With each day that passed the questions have started to fad. But that doesn't mean they've gone away completely, every once and a while they come roaring back and I can't block them from my brain.
But as I said, today was a good day, and I'm once again excited about the path that I'm on. I pulled out a bunch of pictures from when I was a junior in college and skinny (I wouldn't have called myself that at the time, what an idiot I was), anyway, for the first time since then I really feel like I have a chance to get back there and that is SO exciting. So if I have to look at those pictures everyday, that's what I'm going to do.
I stepped on the scale today and it showed that I actually put a couple of lbs on, which obviously sucks. I'm trying not to get on the scale everyday for fear of driving myself insane. I'm just going to trust that my body is just working through everything but will eventually start to shed the pounds again.
If anyone has made it to the end of this post, thanks for reading. More than anything, I just feel better having written it.
