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Cleosan 52- Sandy

A blog by Cleosan52

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My Ah-Ha Moment

Well actually, I had two ah-ha moments, one before surgery and one after. My wake up was our vacation in July of this year. We went to a beach and shared a condo with family. My husband and I slept on the pull out sofa for two nights. I just wanted to die! The pain I felt in my back, hip and legs was unbearable. On the last night, he went and bought an air mattress but the damage was done. I was in full- blown pain. Hubby went and got me some pain meds but all he could find (that I wasn't allergic to) was a night time one that made me drowsy and loopy. So here I am, at the beach, under the umbrella, feeling like Shamu, watching my family members play with my kids. I felt so helpless, useless and fat! On that beach, in NJ, was the moment I promised myself that I was gonna get myself under control before I died and let my family without at wife and mommy. When we got home, I called the Bariatric Center at my hospital and the rest was history. Everything just came together. God was directing my steps. From start to finish, my surgery process was 3 months. I started at 324 lbs on that beach and this weekend I reached my holiday goal of 255 lbs. That makes a 71 lb loss, and a gain of energy and best of all NO PAIN!!!! But my second ah-ha moment was over this weekend also. I had a mini break down. My husband taped the kids Christmas program at church ( by the way, they were just the cutest and blessed my heart) but he put it after our 5 yr old's first day of kindergarten. He was real excited when I came home to show me. Something like," you got to see this, see how much weight you lost!!!!", excetra. I was watching me on this tape, and I just wanted to weep. I think I am still shell-shocked. To think that was me on the tv just broke my heart. I was a dead woman walking. Even now, I can't believe how much I was fooling myself. Never in a million years did I see myself so big. I thank God that I had this opportunity to change my life.

March 15, 2011

4

100lb lost!!!

It took me a little while but I finally did it! I have lost 100 lbs to date! I have 54 lbs to go to my goal of 170. I just have to remind myself that is is not a race but a journey, and I'll get there eventually! I started this journey at 324lbs, wearing a size 30/32/4x clothes. Since then I have gone down to 18/20/2x clothes with those starting to get a little big. I wore a size 16 skirt and 1x shirt to church last sunday. I really never thought I would see those sizes again in my lifetime. Clothes really depend on the style. I'm big breasted so I wear 2x shirts and some 18/20 button downs are still tight. We had a clothes drive at chruch last month. I donated 6 lbs of clothes from just me, along with 6 more bags from the rest of the family. Talk about losing a whole wardrobe! I told hubby today I'm running out of clothes, he just smiles. Speaking of my hubby, he is sooo supportive. He tells me everyday how hot I'm looking. He even said I was getting too thin. I just laughed at him then I told him that I was only 16 lbs heavier than him, lol!!!!!! Now he's talking about getting in shape for ME!?!?! Wow! For so long, I felt like it was the other way around. I go to the dr for my 6 month check up. He said he wanted me at 200lbs which I thought was ridiculous. the NUT and RN said I should be at 220. So I have 4 lbs to go in 2 weeks and I'm crossing my fingers!!! My weight loss has slowed down after the first 3 months but I'm okay with that. Its coming off and I do take my measurements so I see results even when the scale doesn't move. And yes, I weight and measure myself every morning. So I'm 2/3 of the way to my goal. So close I can almost taste it!

April 19, 2011

2

My Sept update!

I feel like it's slow going but really it's only been a couple of months. I started: July 27th- called the Dr for appt about WLS- started research about Lap band
Aug 2- required info meeting
Aug 6- psych eval,
Aug 15- found this site from the LB one and self educated myself about the VGS
had to wait for my first consultation Aug 27th,
Sept 1st- Endoscope/GallBladder UltraSound
Sept 13th- Pap Sept
Sept 18th- Follow up Dr appt, bad news, gallbladder has to be removed
Sept 21st- required Support mtg with my husband
on 2 week no fat/carb diet to shrink liver for gall bladder surgery
Oct 5th- gall bladder surgery
So that's where I am here at the end of Sept. I still wish I knew the day of my sleeve surgery :thumbup: Last I know, my insurance approved VGS however my company ( I work for the hospital) needs to get it written in our policy. Very frustrated to be told yes and no at the same time. But I know God has his reason and timing :biggrin0:

September 26, 2010

2

1-3mo updates

One Month update: I can't believe that today makes one month after surgery. I have so much to be thankful for! First, my God and family, they have been my rock though all of this. Second, for this surgery and how it has changed my life in just this short time. I have had no complications with surgery or even recovery after. It seems very surreal right now, like did I really do this, but I look at the scale and see 24 lbs gone, look at my closet and see all the 30/32 size clothes gone along with most of my 26/28. I eat 3 oz of soft foods and feel full. It has become a neccessity not a way of life or enjoyment. I'm rediscovering how much fun it is to play with the kids or even do yardwork with hubby and not have pain or feel guilty that I can't help him. I could go on and on of how much more I can do now. And do you know this best part? This is just the beginning!!!!! So today, I am a very thankful woman, enjoying the blessing that I have been given. (If you have any doubts on if this is the path for you, please pray, let God direct your steps in this journey, then go to your Dr and tell him " I want the sleeve!!!!") Two Month update: Almost 2 months out for me and I've lost 33 lbs since surgery, which was Oct 25 (figured I would update now because next week will be CRAZY!!!). I weighed in at 258!!! So I'm in the 250s now, very excited! When I first started, I wore a size 30/32, bra size 50H, panties 12 and shoes 10 1/2, sometimes 11. Now I am wearing 22/24 tops, 22 reg or 20W bottoms, bra size 44DDD, panties 10 and shoes 9-9 1/2!!! I can't wait for the next two months!!!I am a bit of a scale junkie, get on daily but only record my losses. I also set mini goals for me. Like the first month, I wanted to lose 20 lbs. Goals work good for me, gives me something to work towards. If I don't met a goal, it gets me back on track, and I can analyze what happened and learn from it. My next goal, well actually I have three First, I want to be 255 by Christmas, only 4lbs away now. Second, I want to be 250 by the end of the year, 9 lbs to go. Third, I want to be 244lb by Jan 28th, that is my 3 month check up at the dr, and I would have lost 33% of my excess wt, which is my dr's goal for me at that time. Three Month update: Having a great time at three months. I went into to the dr office feeling pretty good. I weighed in at 240lbs which is the dr's goal for me. I have to admit, the protein shakes are getting on my nerves. I can't stand the taste of them now, they seem too sweet. I have been losing hair so I chopped it all off but the NUT said that should work itself out at 6 months. And get this!!! The dr wants me at 200lbs next time he sees me which will be at 6 month update! What the heck, I was in high school last time I weighed that much! So after I passed out, the NUT told be 220 was doable, I'm going to shoot for 210

March 15, 2011

2

My story and where I am now...

My battle with weight, diets, failures, successes started as a little girls. By the age of 4, I was a chunky little girl. I was one of the biggest kids in the class. At one point in high school, I lost the pounds by exercise, I still "felt" like I was the biggest. So my battle has not been only the physical weight but the mental and emotional weight. I've never know what it is to be thin and that scares me a little. I have been married for almost 6 years to a wonderful man. He loves me, the whole me. He likes me plus size, but he wants me to be happy and spend many many many years together. We tease that we'll put up with each other so we can have a golden 50th anniversary. My biggest fear is that I won't make it. We have 3 beautiful children, ages 5, 3 and 2, a wonderful home and a great family/church. Life is good on all fronts. Yes, we have our ups and downs, it's called life, but I am blessed in the fact that we have many more ups that downs. After our youngest child (Sept 08), I knew I had to get control of the weight. I was at 320lb, after the baby I went to 312 at the hospital. I decided I was going to try WW. I won a 3 mo. free online membership, yeah!!! From Sept 08 to May 09, I lost 70 lbs. I went from 320 to 250 and even for a couple of days, flirted with 240s. I blogged about it, I was excited about it, I did it on my own, logging everything I ate, counted points and exercise! I could do this!!! At the end of May 09, my sciatic pain flared up. I was discouraged and depressed. All this hard work and I still have pain!!!! What the heck!!! I kill my self, deny myself and still have pain! So I did the best thing... I ignored going to the doctor and getting help, I decided to go to the fridge instead. Gained 5 lbs that week, lost it, gained, 10lbs, lost it, gained 15lbs. Guess what by May 10, I am now back to 320lbs! I am my biggest now at 322 lbs (7-31-10) at age of 35. What is going to make this time different in losing the weight? ... WLS. I know I can lose the weight but now I can keep it off. The other big factor is that I am not doing this alone. I am going through this journey with my baby sister. I have 3 toddlers that I can't take care of. I need to lose this weight for them. I don't want to die at 40 and leave my family without me. I have this chance to change my life, for me, for them and I'm gonna take it! My insurance will pay for VGS. I have my doctor (highly recommended). My first appt is Aug 27th at 9pm ( my sister went July 29th, she gave me the heads up). My medical ness. form is sumitted. My psych eval is done. I even have my pre- cert referral number from the insurance! Ready to go!!!

August 11, 2010

1

Its a God Thing

I am a Christian and my faith has played a big role in this decision. I prayed about WLS. The Lord guided me through His Word. Phillipians 4: 6-7 6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. I know he was going to give me peace about WLS but I wasn't there yet. I've researched online, talked with patients and nurses. I thought the Lap band was the weigh to go. I refused to do anything drastic like Gastric Bypass ( talk about naive). But I still did not have peace. A co-worked that had the band told me she wishes she had the sleeve and to look into it. I though NO (drastic, remember!) A nurse at the hosp told me that the Dr will suggest VGS or Bypass because my BMI is 55. I though NO (drastic, remember!) Meanwhile, I'm still praying for peace and what to do. I hook up on the Lapband forum, very active, excited, nervous and not 100% committed yet (still no peace). I see an ad for VGS so I click on it. This began weeks of research, prayer, research, prayer, research, prayer, support groups, prayer!!! Guess what PEACE!!!!! I should have listed months ago but I wasn't ready! So my husband is on this journey with me but he is heeby-jeeby with all this medical stuff, so I call my Mom who is a retired nurse. She became my go-to support! She researched, prayed and is going to my appt with me Aug 27th. The three of us decided to not share any of this with the rest of the family until after the appt. My sister is struggling with her weight too and a couple of months we were talking about it. She said she was thinking of WLS too (lap bad). Little did I know, she had an appt with the same Dr in Jan, cancelled, in April (when we talked) canceled and finally yesterday she went! She called me when she got home and spilled all the beans. She has great news and decided that VGS is the way to go but she's still nervous. I just started laughing and couldn't stop!!!! I told her that is the way I decided to go too! She admitted to telling her dr that her sister (me) was going to be each others support system (remember she didn't know about my appt at the end of the month!!!!) and that I was going to come and see him. What can I say? IT"S A GOD THING!!! PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING!!!:thumbup:

August 12, 2010

1

Mama Guilt

This has been a rough week for me. I am working overtime due to vacations. So I'm not getting home until late, hubby has been making dinner everyday, doing all the laundry ( which he does any way but I put it away), sweeping the floor, washing the kids. I feel guilty because he is Mr Mom at home plus running the store 40 hrs :huh0: I'm guilty because I'm so tired, I didn't go to bible study so now hubby took the kiddos there. What am I doing??? Typing this! Pitiful, I know. To top it off, we got our oldest's school schedule today. She is starting kindergarten this year. Come to find out that her orientation day is the same day of my pre-op appointment. So I called the doctor. If I don't go on the 27th, I will have to wait another month, for another appointment. So now I fill guilty because hubby doesn't want me to miss my appointment. He is going to work half a day and then take her. So now the guilt is just killing me because mommy is blowing it once again I feel like I'm letting my family down because I'm too tired to do anything with them. Now I'm letting them down by thinking about me and what I want. I want WLS but I feel like I'm putting everyone out. I guess I just needed to vent a little.

August 18, 2010

1

One step closer!

Well here's the short version... Endoscope/ gallbladder ultrasound next wed at 11am (please, please pray that my gall bladder is okay and will not have to be removed!!!!!!!! please, please, please) Pap on the 13th Group mtg with hubby on the 21st Need to lose 15 lb pre-op, low fat diet to shrink liver before surgery. Surgery times are being scheduled out end of Sept/ beginning of Oct by the doctor. Here is MAJOR part!!! I need you to pray!!! My insurance is not approving sleeves at this time due to some paperwork not filed correctly by the hospital on a previous patient. So it has been 2-3 wks and the doctor is on hold with this type of surgery, until the hospital fixes their paperwork. No clue when this can be. It could be Monday or 3 months from now?!?!?!

August 27, 2010

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One more step down, let the waiting begin

Well all, I had my gall bladder surgery yesterday. I feel like I just got run over by a Mack truck and then it backed up and went over me again I'm having a lot of gas pains but it has settled in the lower right side of my belly. Moving and burping helps alot! Dr said this will comparable to the pain I will have with my VGS. If that is the case, I think its doable but definately uncomfortable. Around 2 am, I had to get in the recliner to get some sleep and relief. Hubby is awesome. He's taking care of the house and the kiddos, he even came downstair and slept on the sofa in case I needed some thing. Oh and Get This!!! They counted 50 gall stones!!!!!! I couldn't believe it. On a great note, the dr is finally able to put in for my VGS and should here something in a week or two!!! Maybe I'll be a November sleever!!!

October 6, 2010

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2 wks and 4 days in!

I went to the Dr for my two week follow up which is actually 18 days, but we won't go there. My labs are perfect (very early yet) and I'm getting water, protein and vitamins in no problem. I weighed in too and wanted to do the happy dance. I lost 15.5 lb since surgery on Oct 25th and a grand total of.... 50lbs!!!! Wow! I've lost 50 lbs from August 1st and that doesn't count loosing the extra water weight from surgery. The nurse said they wanted 10% the first two weeks and I was at 11% (which is 274lbs). She also said I can expect to loose an additional 40-50 lbs in 3 months!?!?!?! My mind is having a hard time wrapping around that one! That would put me around 225lb and the last time I saw that number was in college. I'm also on the next stage of my diet. I can eat soft, pureed foods. Protein has to be first, 6 sm meals which are 3-4oz, over 48 oz water and exercise (I love my Wii Fit). We went out to eat tonight, too. That was an experience, a "freeing" one! We went to a favorite Mexican restaurant. The hubby and the kiddos had the salsa and chips, I wasn't even tempted. The kids had their meals which for them is usually half. I will never tell my children they have to clean their plates! Hubby had chimichangas and refried beans. I don't think he realized that was the only meal I ever order (he never did before) but I was okay with that! I took 3 teaspoons of the beans and small bite of shredded chicken and beef each. I took my time, chew well and it was delicious. I swear it was the Mexican I've ever had, lol!!! It took me about 30 min to eat and I was pleasantly full, satisfied, and no pain or nausea. I love this new sleeve!!! What gets me is that the meal I had would have been 1 and 1/2 bites of a meal before surgery. No lie!!! I really appreciated my "meal" tonight!

November 13, 2010

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One week in

I can't believe its been a week already!!! Time goes by fast when you are having fun, lol. Monday was surgery, I was out of it all day, Woke up in my room and hubby said I was hitting the morphin pump every 6 min, lol. Tuesday, I was still on that morphin pump, It was my hospital BFF, lol. Started to get up and walk and it was very uncomfortable. I like walking at night. It was quiet, no people or other obsticals on the floor and I got some one on one time with nurses and they would walk with me, keep ing my mind off the pain. Wednesday was my downhill hump day. The nurses didn't know much about sleeve patients. I had a nausea patch on the one of the nurses took off of me whn I was sleeping. They then told be to get up and walk but I wasn't feeling good. My mom was helping me and I started dry heaving and trying not to throw up. My husband and mom where yelling for help, nuirsing running, mass confusion. My husband asked where my patch was and the nurse said she took it off. They gave me something through my iv and I slept for 3 hrs. At this point my family wanted me out of the hospital asap! As soon as they removed the catheter, iv and JP drain, I started to feel human again. Thursday , home sweet home, I slept in the recliner and took one pain pill. I slept a lot of thursday and was still on clear liquids. A lot of gas that day. Sip, sip, sip!!!! Friday, I took one pain pill. Hubby convinced me to go to Target with him for the ride. When we got there, I decided to go in and walked for 30 min. I was tired then and went to sit at the food bar while he finished shopping. Still having a lot of gas, and sipping away. Focusing on walter and protien shakes right now. I like GNC Wheybolic 60 the best ( chocolate). Saturday, feeling 100 times better!!! Went to church for kid's harvest party. I lasted 20 min and then was sooo tired. I sat at the craft table and hlps with the crafts while hubby took care of the three kids running around. Still not getting all my water in and starting to have that keytosis, iron, yuck mouth. Still trying though and I have no pain!!!! Sunday, I decided to go to church (took my water bottle with me) and did great! I sat for praise and worship and took a nap when I we got home. No pain, put the pill away! I did a no no though!. I didn't eat before church, had 1 oz mashed potato and nap. When I got up it was go, go , go to get the kids dinner, cleanup for the Holloween guest we have, gt the kids dressed and I started burping alot, got dizzy, lightheaded, hot flashes, nausea. My mom asked what I ate and I just remember... NOTHING, no appetite and I forgot all about food!!!! That was a first!!! When the kids left for trick or treating, I had 1 oz yogurt and 3 oz protein shake and felt like a new woman!!! Monday, I 'm home 2/3 kids ( ages 3 and 2, my 5 yr old is in school) and doing great, no pain, no nausea and feeling like 75% of my self!!! I went to the dr for blood work this morning and got weighed! My starting weight in Sept was 324lbs. My surgery weight was 292lbs (32 lost). My weight today, one wk after surgery....... 279!!!!!!!!! I lost 13 lbs in one week and a grand total of 45 lbs lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am relieved that I did this, no regrets ( I did have the what the heck feeling but it was over by Friday) I go back on the 14th for my new meal plan, Right now, I am eating yogurt, mashed potato, protein shakes, strained cream soups and sip, sip, sip that water!!!

November 1, 2010

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Home from the hospital

I got home around 6:00pm. yesterday. I was able to rest ( hospital should have a sign posted...Thou shalt not let thy patients sleep)!!! On Monday, we got the hospital at 5 am and got my iv and all the other goodies to get me ready. Surgery was at 7am. I remember sliding off the gerny onto the operating table. They put compression blow up thingies on my legs, tied my arms down and put the mask on me. Next think I remember is waking up in my hospital room. ( slept through the whole recovery room episode) The staff were very nice but some were clueless, they kept referring my as a RYN pt not a sleeve pt. We had a lot of pt education these last couple of days, lol. Dr said everything was very smooth, liver shrank down and they didn't have to jostle my insides around. -Here is what I noticed: -I have no appetite -I made them order me a binder, I walked much better with one on, the JP drain didn't feel like it was being tugged on. -Sipping is much easier than I thought. I have to force myself actually just to get 1 oz down. -I had so much relief when they took the JP drain out. -Walking helps with gas pain. -use your spirometer ( breathing into thingy) it hurts at first but helps get all the gunk out of you chest - expect nausea and dizziness, part of the process, I eneded up dry heaving 4-5 times with family yelling help and nurses running, it was mass chaos for 15 min. The nurse put something in my iv and I was out for 3 hrs, very scary!! - leak test sucks, but it was cool seeing the die go down into my little banana ( note--- it does not look like the cute pictures in the books, lol) I'm home now and not having any pain but the nausea and upset stomach is not fun I gained 6lbs in fluid so now I'm back up to 290 ( 4 more too lose) Thank you for all you support and prayers!!!

October 28, 2010

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And Go

Ready, set... Well, the time has finally came. This is the day that God has decreed in my life, and I am walking in it. Psalm 118:24 This is the day which the LORD has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. I'm off with hubby, we have to be at the hospital at 5am and surgery is schedule for 7am. When I wake up, I will be headed to the losers bench for once and for all. Oct 25th is a new day for me, it's the first day of my new life. I weighed myself this morning and too my measurements. I'm 286, that's 38 lbs lost pre-op! I am not naive to think that magically I will lose all my weight and life will be all hunky-dory. What I know is, I am given a new chance, a new "tool" that can "help" me keep my weight off. Ultimately, I am in control of what I put in my mouth and how I use this tool in the future. I just thank God that I have the opportunity to do so.

October 25, 2010

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Ready, set.....

Almost Go but not yet! It has been a very busy day. I manage to get everything I need after surgery. Now I just have to make a list of what the kids will need when I'm in the hospital. I also had a date night with hubby. We went to a fancy place with dinner music and all. I splurged for my "last" meal! Half a chicken breast, half a baked potato, a roll and three bites of a gooy, yummy dessert. It was so nce talking with hubby, we got a lot out about our fears about surgery. We both in a good place. We went to see a movie afterwards, held hands the whole time. We don't do a lot of that with three kids, 5 and under, lol. When we got home there was a message on the machine. Hospital called and they changed my surgery time from 9am to 7 am. I have to be there at 5 am. All the butterflies came back, lol. Here's to 2 more days left!!!

October 23, 2010

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Y- minus 7 days

I have to give a big WooHooo! I'm at 289lbs, that 35lbs lost!!! I'm doing really good following the low fat/low carb diet. I am feeling a little limited in my food choices though. I could use some great recipes. I had a very surreal moment today too. I love reading all the posts on the VGS board both good and bad and everything in between. I love giving encouragement and praying. Hugs and prayers have been my tag line, Why? Because I wish I could just reach out and give you all a hug to let you know I'm there for you, and prayers because, well, that's what I do. I believe if you talk the talk then you walk the walk too. But until know, it's always been the "other" people. It finally dawned on me, "This is going to be me this time next week " By 12:30 next Monday, I will have my sleeve, be in my room, learning all over again how to eat and begin with a fresh start in life. I have to be at the hospital by 7am and surgery is 9 am. Oh man, all I can do is say "Wow, it's happening so fast!!!" Don't get me wrong, I'm excited and rearing to go but.... well... OH MAN, WOW!!!

October 18, 2010

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