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I Answered My Own Question

I just wanted to add this as an addendum to my last blog post as I'm lurking on the site everyday and I see many people have reached this dark place too. I just wanted to say the feeling of sadness, confusion, anger, and yes even remorse will pass. Reviewing what I wrote I can see I was hurting and knee deep in a bad stall. Not understanding the stall and not being for warned about it inevitable happening really messed up my head. Now I know it passes and really can beyond my control. It's something this crazy body decides to do and I just have to continue to do what I know is right; eat well, drink plenty, a get some exercise in. At 3 and 1/2 months out down 30 pounds pre-op and and another 36 post-op I've never felt better in my life! So much energy and a little bit of pride I really couldn't ask for more. Remorse? No. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? HELL YES!!!
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

2
 

Remorse?

I was wondering if anyone can speak to it being normal to feel somewhat remorseful about choosing to have surgery? I'm 5 weeks post op, lost 30 pounds preop, and only 17 pounds since the surgery. Suffice it to say I'm so disappointed and am beginning to feel like this may have all been for not. Reading about everyone else's success had me hopeful that I'd be sitting pretty on the loser's bench by now, unfortunately I still feel like the fat girl that doesn't get invited to take a seat. Been in a stall for 19 days now and I've tried everything to stimulate some change. I really increased my protein for a week, I ate more calories for a few days, and now I'm on day 3 of the 5 day pouch test. The only difference I've seen is the scale shows I've actually gone up a pound or two then back down.   Today I got to eat some eggs as part of the 5 day pouch test and they felt like a rock in my stomach. So uncomfortable and made me feel more miserable than every. I can't imagine that I'll feel like this for the rest of my life when interacting with food. I don't feel like this is normal and all the happiness about my decision is starting to drain away.   Can this procedure actually not work? Can the body be so resistant to weight loss that it fights to hold on to it? Is there anyone out there who feels like they haven't made the best decision for themselves? Has anyone gone through a period like this and can speak to it actually getting better? I know it's too late and can't take it back now, but how do I live with it?
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

4
 

1st Post Op Visit With Surgeon

Saw my surgeon today and he said I was glowing! Gotta love that man's bedside manner. Anyhoo what's really important is I told him I was concerned about my super slow weight lost. Had surgery 6/15 and I'm only down 17 pounds. Well Dr. Wonderful said I'm right where he wants me to be and my weight loss is going great for 3 weeks out. Ok! I feel much better and less like a loser at losing. By the by if anyone has a Whole Foods in their area I found the most delicious Pesto Parmesan Chicken Meatballs there. They are simply heat and eat and super tasty. Not to mention they puree very well. I'm at this food stage until next Wednesday and wondering if anyone might have some other quick easy pureed protein ideas? Now that I'm back at work I've got to keep things easy peasy!
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

1
 

Naughty Kitten

I've been a bad bad girl! Yesterday I grazed all day. I had pureed shrimp salad with avocado, strawberries, pureed pesto parmesan chicken meatballs, pureed collard greens, and pulled pork that wasn't pureed but smoked for 7 hrs on the grill. Worse of all I must confess (and do not advocate this at all) I had......2 potatoe chips and a couple of bites of sugar free brownie:scared0:!!! Mind you none of this made me sick and I only felt overly full once, but I concerned about what on earth is wrong with me? I don't have a death wish and I really do want to follow my plan. Whatever I ate I took it real slow and pulverized it in my mouth before I swallowed. I'm worried though about the calories I consumed and the fact that I didn't puree everything. Tomorrow I'll be 3 weeks post op so should this kind of eating even be possible? I was outta control and really scared that I may have messed up bad. How do I get back in control today? Do many of you even go thru a pureed food stage anyway? I'm guilty as sin and would love some advice, counsel, and absolution!!
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

0
 

Stuck In A Blue Funk

Haven't lost a single pound in 5 whole days!!! Super disappointed and trying to figure out what I need to do. Maybe I need to monitor my calories because that's something I'm not doing now. I figured I couldn't possibly be getting in that many with such small portions and no sugar. I'm not even eating very many carbs. Today I'm going to be much more diligent and see if it pays of. I've only lost 15 pnds in the 18 days since my surgery and that's making me feel a bit like a failure. Is this normal? I even feel weary that this was the right choice. I'm doubting myself and hate that feeling. Any advice from some sleeve vets would be greatly appreciated! I'll be back to work next week and I'm hoping once my focus shifts from something other than my weight I'll start to feel fantastic again.
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

7
 

Pureed Hamburger ...

Got to start my pureed food stage today and thought I could just throw a hamburger pattie in my fancy dandy food processor. Added some broth and a wee bit of mashed potatoes in hopes of smoothing out the consistency, but no go. There's still a grainy texture that I can't smooth out no matter how long I puree it. Any ideas? What protein besides beans puree well?
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

0
 

Ain't That A Kick In The Pants!

Got the ok from the nutritionist to progress tomorrow to the stage 3 diet which is pureed foods. This food stage puts a heavy emphasis on protien an my care provider does not advocate protien shakes at all. Now I'm completely frighted that I'm not going to be able to bring myself to eat pureed meat. Just the thought of it repulses me. Dang it! So many head games that I can honestly say I wasn't prepared for. Did anyone else struggle with pureed foods?
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

3
 

Cheaters???

I have to know if anyone out there has cheated on the full liquids/stage 2 part of the post op diet? I really can't take one more serving of pudding, applesauce, yogurt, or cream o' wheat. I'd kill for something savory. The hub is making mashed potatoes with his dinner tonight and not sure how I'll refrain from sticking a spoon in!! Tomorrow the nutritionist will be calling and she's a joyless souless hag so I definately can't ask her about progressing my diet sooner than recommended. Help! I know it's only a couple of more days but I feel sad and verging on the edge of depression. Just can't get my head in the game.
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

3
 

Feeling Great!

Walking Faster and longer now and no pain at all! So surprised I feel this good. Eating still isn't very fun; can't seem to find anything that doesn't bother my new little sleeve after a couple of bites. Just going to keep taking it slow and one day at a time. this whole experience isn't easy and you definately need patience to endure. I'm learning to use the drive, determination, and focus I had pre op to get me thru this stage too.
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

0
 

Blah!

Was successfully sleeved on 6/15, but have been statying away because I don't feel I have anything good to say. I don't feel great and that sucks. I know I shouldn't expect to be 100%, but dang it I hate being sick and uncomfortable. The incision pain is minimal, but the gas pain is pretty bad. Helps tremendously to have someone rub your back and drop a few gas x strips. Nothing taste good besides broth and water is starting to get on my nerves too. I did get up and go to a wedding yesterday. Just the ceremony not the reception and that was fine although..think I may have pushed it a little by putting on a pair of spanx. I Just want to feel normal. Is that so bad?:thumbup1:
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

0
 

So close

It's almost time... the big day is on the 15th and I've been super overwhelmed with last minute stuff. Didn't exercise today or yesterday. What's wrong with. I'm too anxious to do anything but eat. LOL!! Tomorrow it's all business. Can anyone tell me if the gas x strips really helped post op?
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

2
 

Why am I so anxious?

For some reason I can't get my head in the game. I'm just anxious and excited and can't focus. I'm so super ready that I feel like I should start counting down days. The only benefit of this spastic energy is I'm working out more so I guess that's a good thing. Is it bad that I've already bought my hospital robe, slippers, going home dress, and flip flops? I'm all shopped out so now what??
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

0
 

OMG!!! I can't belive this is happening!

Got my tentitive surgery date of 6/15/10!! I still can't believe it and feel crazy happy. It almost feels too good to be true. Had a mini celebration tonight, but right back on track 2morrow. Would like to be down some more and as fit as possible before V-Day!!   Anyone have some pre-surgery advice?
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

4
 

Down Another Pound

Being down another pound means I should make my weight no problem tomorrow. I plan on wearing the thinnest gauzest little sundress I own and flip flops. Better not rain!! So close the green light I hope everything goes well and I don't find myself face down in a pint of Baskin & Robbins Jamoca Almond Fudge wallowing in self pitty tom. evening!
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

0
 

All About Moi!

Hey all! Super excited to be joining you and looking foward to you feedback, suggestions, and advice. I started this journey at the end of Feb and I'm finally at the goal weight the surgeon required. I have an appointment 5/18 with my case manager to get a tentivtive surgery date. Got to be well prepared for her questions to prove I'm ready not to mention a couple pounds lighter.
Bit of a Diva

Bit of a Diva

2
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