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A blog by deedee

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I have revised my goal weight and eating plan

I never set a goal weight with my surgeon. At my last follow-up appointment he asked me about it and I responded that I wanted to be in a normal weight range. On here I had set my goal weight as 138 lbs (23 bmi), because that would be exactly 100 lbs from my consultation weight (although not my highest weight). This weekend I did some thinking and have adjusted my goal weight to 148 lbs. This puts my bmi at 24.6, which I know is the high end of normal, but I think it's a great goal for me. In high school I managed to get down to 158 for a few months, but cannot ever remember being lower than that. My goal may get adjusted again, I'll just have to wait and see. I have also decided to begin eating as normally as possible as I work on dropping the last 23 lbs. I've really struggled with whether or not to push myself to goal as fast as possible during my "honeymoon" stage by staying on a high protein and low carb diet or use this weight loss process/journey to develop some new habits with food while I have such good restriction. The latter choice entails not depriving myself of any foods as long as I limit the portion and/or frequency. For now this is what I will try to do. I am continuing with my protein supplement and eating protein first, but I am also allowing carbs back in and no longer tracking them. I JUST WANT TO HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD! We'll see how this goes, if that's even possible for me. I figure if I can manage to lose these last pounds with this diet in place, there shouldn't be any reason why I cannot maintain my weight loss. Now, if I really start to stall then I will be back to high protein, low carb.

November 10, 2009

11

Body Image

Over the last week, I've posted on forum threads regarding issues with my body and things I feel could use improvement. Now in the big picture, I understand these issues are not that important especially compared to the good health I now enjoy, they're more just little annoyances that only get to me at times. One of the biggest issues is my skin. I know a lot of wls patients fear, dread, hate their lose skin and I am no different. Fortunately my arms are pretty okay and in most clothing, I look fine. But today I went swimsuit shopping to prepare for my upcoming trip (end of March) to Florida. It was a picture taken on that trip last year that prompted my search for a new weight loss plan, which eventually led to me discovering wls as an option. Okay, back to the issues. My lower body (tummy, butt, and thighs) is disgusting. I'm not giving up hope that I can tone up these areas to some extent, but it's going to take a lot of work. In college I started buying swimsuits with skirts and always wore them due to bikini line razor burn and cellulite. Both of those things are still present, but much to my dismay, my saddle bags made any skirted swimsuit bottoms look pretty bad. I spent 3 hours shopping for a swimsuit and finally came to the conclusion that my body will never be perfect and I might as well just choose something and get on with it. When I'm at the beach I actually could care less how I look and hardly ever feel self conscious. It's all about the sun and water :biggrin0: So here's the one I ended up buying. When I saw it in pictures, it wasn't quite as scary as the in the mirror, but still not the prettiest sight (I'm just loving that double butt I've got going on:-). I guess I had body issues when I was larger and those issues have not gone away just because I have shed over 90 pounds.

February 28, 2010

9

Today I bought a size...

SIX :thumbup: I went back to the little boutique in my town and found a skirt I wanted to buy before Christmas was on clearance for 60% off. BUT they only had a size 12, 6, and 2. The 12 was a little lose before so I took it and the 6 to the fitting room. I tried on the 12 and it was lose, but not too much so I figured the 6 wouldn't fit at all. Yet it did!!! It's pretty tight, but I could definitely wear it tomorrow (my new rule for buying something). Excuse the clutter and face/hair...it's been one of those days.

January 17, 2010

7

Shocker!

Today when I walked into work my assistant principal said she had something she had to show me. I walked in wondering what it could be and she had these two pictures on her computer from last June at a teacher's retirement party. It was a shocker to me because this was from my heaviest (241) and I had no pictures from this time. I'll try to post them here. There really is a big difference.

May 13, 2010

7

6 Month Surgiversary!!!

Time sure has flown by these past 6 months. I feel so blessed that I was given this opportunity to get healthy and have ZERO REGRETS that I had it done. I've gotten a few private messages asking about my experience, so I thought this would be a great time and place to post a recap (as well as I can remember it). These thoughts are pretty random and just share the ups and downs of my journey so far. I began my journey with researching wls in April of 2009. Attended a seminar with my surgeon in May, and set up my consultation visit for June 24. At my consultation I weighed 238 lbs. (down 3 pounds from my all time heaviest). I started my pre-op diet (modified Atkins) in July 2009, and had my surgery on August 4, weighing 222 lbs. Today I weigh in at 149 pounds! My starting clothing size was a woman's 22-24. I am currently wearing a 6-8 and actually just bought yesterday a size 4 dress that fits beautifully (it obviously runs large). I never dreamed, planned, or hoped to be this small and still don't see this person. In the mirror I still see the same larger person with flaws and scars, but when I take pictures and compare them I can tell the difference. My biggest struggle as an early post-op was with protein consumption. I was lucky to get in 30 grams of protein per day the first month out (some days I did well, but not consistently). I had a very difficult time finding protein drinks that I could tolerate. I found Chike Orange Cream and thought it tasted pretty good, but early out it would give me such bad cramping. I then found Bariatric Advantage Sangria flavor around 3 weeks post-op and did pretty well sipping one each morning. Another struggle I faced (and still do to some extent) was with constipation. There was one time that I was constipated for like 8 days. Adding in apples and spinach seemed to help in that area. Around 3-4 months post-op I decided to try to lose the remainder of my weight following a more balanced diet...up until that point I was pretty much sticking to no more than 30 carbs per day. The weight loss definitely slowed down when I upped the carbs, but for me it was okay. I figured if I could lose weight following a more balanced diet, I wouldn't have to worry so much in maintenance about gaining much weight back (who knows if this will actually be the case). As of today, I am still 1 pound away from my goal weight and if I don't hit goal in the next couple of weeks, I plan to low carb it for a while. One of the BEST things I think I did during the post-op process was to establish a good, solid exercise routine. Each day from 1 day post-op, I walked A LOT. During the first month I walked the boardwalk and built up to 2-3 miles per outing. When I was cleared for exercise (4 weeks out) I started back to Jazzercise and signed up for water aerobics. The water class did not work out for different reasons, but I stuck with Jazzercise and by two months out was attending 5 days per week. I have now added a tap class (my favorite) into my schedule and have cut back one day of Jazzercise to accommodate. Each month I notice myself getting stronger and capable to do more (my energy levels are through the roof) and I feel I owe this to the exercise routine I've got going on. During this last month, although I haven't dropped much weight on the scale, I've definitely noticed myself toning up a lot more. Again, I attribute the exercising to this. I feel so blessed that I have this tool and just want to say again, I LOVE MY SLEEVE!!!

February 5, 2010

7

I HAVE worked this tool!

Since I've been one who has told most everyone about my surgery, I usually respond to compliments with something like, "I was so fortunate to have this procedure." Well, today as I was walking down the hall, a colleague passed me and said again how amazed she was with my transformation. She asked me how I was continuing to do it and of course I mentioned the surgery. She replied with the fact she knows about the surgery, but many people have surgery and do not succeed. It made me stop and realize that I have worked this tool and I'm proud of that. While I am definitely not perfect, I make decisions daily about food and exercise to make this a lifestyle and not just a temporary thing. Now I still feel that the sleeve is mostly responsible for my success, but am starting to feel that I played a big role and can be proud too.

June 2, 2010

6

7 Months Post-op

Well, yesterday marked my 7 month anniversary from surgery. I am pretty happy with where I am health-wise. I'll be having a follow-up visit with my surgeon the beginning of next month, so will have my labs drawn in a couple of weeks. I'm pretty sure they will show some deficiencies. This past month I've done pretty poorly taking all but my multivitamin, which has been pretty good. I've been ill off and on most of the month and I've just not been as good as I should have been. I've also struggled this last month with my exercise routine. When the snow hit, things were closed and schedules erratic for working out. I then flew home for a week. So basically I went from consistently exercising for 5-7 days per week (since 1 month post-op) to 2-3 days per week. I'm hoping this virus is finally out of me and I can get back to normal. My weight has continued to decline, but at a nice and slow rate. I lost almost 6 pounds, making my grand total weight loss -95 pounds. I think I'd like to try to maintain a weight between 140-148 pounds, but who knows where my body will be comfortable. I'd like to not drop below 140 pounds to try to maintain some curves and not have as much lose skin. Just today at work (spirit day-wearing jeans and a tee shirt) I was mistaken for a middle school kid (from the side and back) by two different teachers and a custodian. I NEED curves...I don't want to be mistaken for a teenager (although I wouldn't mind it so much in the face:-). Other ramblings... I've become much more accustomed to receiving compliments about my weight loss and they don't bother me hardly at all. I'm pretty okay with people constantly talking to me about my weight loss, although it still does get annoying at times...especially the "wasting away" and "you're disappearing." But usually when I say I'm done losing, they have nothing more to say. One mom said I should be the one to talk with her son because it might come better from the "pretty, enthusiastic, young teacher." When she first said it, I was thinking oh, I'll have so and so across the hall talk to him then and then I realized she was talking about me. It was really sweet and made my week. Today a teacher came up to me and said, "I can't stand to look at you anymore." He had a smile on his face so I knew it wasn't meant in a bad way. He explained how when he met me 9 years ago he never thought I had it in me to get so healthy. He saw a very happy person who enjoyed her food and was happy to live her life the way she was living. It lead to a really good talk about food addiction and the benefits of wls for some people. I went up to one of our administrators after school to set up a time to meet next week because I couldn't do today as I was already busy. I thought she wanted to discuss the state tests coming up in May. She said, "no big deal I just wanted to ask you a few questions about your procedure...not that I'm really convinced it's for me, I just wanted to talk some things over." I look at this as a huge step and it makes me happy that I decided to tell others about my surgery. Well, I guess that's all for now. Still chugging along. Still super happy with my sleeve and loving life. Can't wait to see what the next 7 months bring. Weight Loss by Month: Starting 238 pounds July 2009 -16 pounds Pre-Op August 2009 -21 pounds Month 1 September 2009 -15 pounds Month 2 October 2009 -11 pounds Month 3 November 2009 -13 pounds Month 4 December 2009 -9 pounds Month 5 January 2010 -4 pounds Month 6 February 2010 -6 pounds Month 7 Current -95 143 pounds

March 6, 2010

6

9 months out (almost)

Well, it's been a while since I've checked in with everyone and in 2 days it will be my 9 month anniversary from surgery. The last couple of months have been very difficult for me in terms of anxiety/depression, but for the most part things are under control now and I am still so very happy that I had the opportunity to have this wonderful procedure. I really like this place a lot and am so grateful for all of the kind and knowledgeable people here. For all the pre-op and initial post-op people I am going to list my stats below because although I know we are are different and will have different journeys, it was so motivating to read about other's journeys. I'll also update my album, because I still enjoy looking at other's pictures. Weight- Consultation (6/09): 238 lbs. Surgery Day (8/09): 222 lbs. One Month: 201 lbs. Two Months: 186 lbs. Three Months: 175 lbs. Four Months: 162 lbs. Five Months: 153 lbs. Six Months: 149 lbs. Seven Months: 143 lbs. Eight Months: 138 lbs. Currently (5/10): 138-140 pounds Measurements- Waist: 43" to 29 " Hips: 51" to 36" Bust: 45.5" to 34.5" Clothing- (clothing sizes are such a range; I just bought one large dress and a size 2 skirt...it just depends on the brand and cut) Pants: 22/24 to 4/6 Tops: 22 (2XL) to 6 (small/med/lg) Dresses/Skirts: 2XL to 4/6 (small/med/lg) Bra: 40/42 DD to 34 C

May 2, 2010

6

I have never worked out so hard!!!

My audition to become a Jazzercise instructor is less than a month away. Today they offered a 2 hour class to work on movement technique for us trainees. I ended up spending an extra hour after that to work on certain moves, so spent a total of 3 hours exercising. I am so sore! I'm also starting to wonder if I might need to wait until April or June to audition. For the most part, my movements were okay...the main trainer walked around the room and gave us immediate feedback. BUT I had a lot of difficulty with keeping up with the proper intensity. I know it didn't help that we had to repeat many of the most intense parts multiple times. The problem is that for the most part I was working as intense as I could and it still wasn't enough. In two more weeks we have another one of these training sessions and our instructor said she'd let us know if she thought we might want to hold off until a later audition. I know that each week I'm building more muscle and getting stronger (I'm quite proud of how far I've come with strength and endurance since November when I had my movement screening), I just don't know if I'll be where I need to be by mid-February. I also know there are things I can do to build my strength/endurance, but don't want to push my body any more than I currently am, just feel I'll get stronger with time. So we'll see if I audition in February or wait until April or June. But, I am very proud of myself for making it this far and know that I will audition eventually. Today was just a needed wake up call.

January 24, 2010

5

A very productive day

Well, I live in the mid-atlantic region that now finally on the end side of an enormous snowstorm (my county is actually still under a blizzard warning). Due to this I am homebound and thought this would be a good day to accomplish some things. First I started the huge process of cleaning out my closets, dresser, and laundry room (where I also store a lot of clothes). With the help of some others on here and a phone conversation, I decided it was time to get rid of my 14's. I even got rid of most of my 12's (saved one pair of jeans that still fit great) and quite a few of my 10's. I've only gotten through half of one closet and a couple bins from the laundry room and my jeans drawer, but I feel so much better. I took the time to try on every single item. So here is a picture of the half of closet I did. I usually prefer to wear more spring and summer colors, but now there is a definite lack of color in the wardrobe I have left. I also usually do not hang my jeans, but my closet is looking so bare:-( About an hour into the closet organizing project, my husband wanted to do another snow shoveling round outside and since I didn't help with the first one, I got dressed and went out to help. I again am amazed at how much better my life is since I've had this surgery. I was able to shovel so much and felt sort of bad about how before losing this weight I never had energy to do much around the house or with my husband. Overall, a very productive day!

February 6, 2010

5

Confession time-horrible with food intake

Over the last couple of days I've done nothing but graze on food on and off all day long between my bouts of productivity. I don't know what it is about snowy, wintery weather, but it seems to make me feel like I have to shovel as much food in as possible. We've been out of school since last Friday and it looks like we might be out for a couple more days (new storm due to come in tomorrow afternoon) and I really need to get it together. If the food intake wasn't bad enough, I'm hardly getting in any exercise. Last week we only had Jazzercise 1 day due to snow from the previous weekend. I did manage to get out and take a 45 minute walk this morning and shoveled for an hour Saturday and an hour Sunday, but it doesn't compare to my normal level of daily activity. Tomorrow I plan on going to the gym with my husband in the AM and then practice my audition routines in the PM. Hopefully this helps, but I don't think it can counteract the horrific eating I've allowed myself to do. Guess I just needed to vent about my lack of willpower:-(

February 9, 2010

5

The new me???

This morning I'll be flying to WA State for a couple of days. It wasn't planned, so just yesterday I called a couple friends to let them know I'd be in town. Due to this trip not being about pleasure I wasn't even thinking about my weight loss until my best friend asked, "so are you an anorexic, skinny chick now? Will I even recognize you? are you a completely different person?" It was said in good humor, but it kind of took me by surprise. I still think overall I am the same person...just a little different. I'll post more when I get back about the reactions I get. I really hope it's all okay because I don't think I can handle any more drama.

February 17, 2010

5

Today I am 30!

It was a great weekend and today was terrific. I spent yesterday having some girl fun--got my hair trimmed, a little shopping (got a couple girdle style undergarments), and got my colors redone for make up (a mini-makeover). Today I spent a great morning/afternoon with my husband-we tried going to the zoo, but with school/people out it was kind of crowded and we ended up walking around Woodley and Cleveland Park areas and eating at a good Mexican restaurant. Tonight we were supposed to go to one of my favorite places to get steak, but during lunch (that was not planned) I ate a little much, so we are going to put off dinner until later in the week. On the food front, I was just thinking that with each diet I tried I always knew that one of my big problems was that I treated most meals out like it was my birthday...I always got whatever I wanted and ate as much as I could (I mean I was paying for it). It's kind of funny that today is actually my birthday, but I'm not worried about eating my "favorites" and as much as I want (although I decided not to count my carbs today and had some tortilla chips, but then couldn't eat even a quarter of my chicken quesadilla). I'm not doing cake or dessert AND it doesn't matter! That's one way the sleeve has helped change my outlook on life. This morning I swung by my mom's house where she had to take my picture and called me skinny! I know I'm still considered obese, but this just kind of made my morning. She was not such a great supporter of the surgery (she wanted me to try Jenny Craig or the Serotonin plus diet "just one more time"), but she was there through all parts of pre-op and post-op and it's nice to see how she's very proud of the weight loss and my following the plan. Well, I've spent the last 9 months not looking forward to this day, but I have to say, it's been wonderful. I told my husband that next year's birthday I'll either be skinny or pregnant (with surgeon's approval). :cursing:

October 12, 2009

5

To tell or not to tell???

Okay, I started writing this post in response to someone's question on the main discussion forum and realized this was a huge ramble and went way beyond what she was asking. So instead I thought I'd post it here because it's more of a reflection and would probably fit better on my blog. I told pretty much anyone that would listen before surgery, BUT I love to talk (I told anyone who asked about my fibroid surgery last year as well if they happened to ask or were around me for any length of time)! I share a lot about what I am thinking and pre-op, the vsg was pretty much what was on my mind all the time. The thing that has been the most annoying for me wasn't really negative reactions when I told people (I can remember 1), but people (who I told numerous times) post-op wanting to constantly talk about my weight loss and how I was doing it. I have coworkers (and exercise buddies) ask me about my current weight, clothing size, etc. and want to know what diet and exercise plan I used to achieve such great results. I've already told EVERYONE about my surgery and when I explain again I get "oh" and don't think they are really listening and am sure to get the same questions again next week by the same people. Another thing to consider when deciding to tell people is the whole "food police" issue, especially coming from those that are very supportive and excited for you. Today I had a colleague walk in and he saw half a donut next to my computer (we had a baby shower breakfast and yes, I ate a donut then and this was actually my 2nd that I went and got from the workroom for my lunch) and asked "what is that doing here? you are my hero," basically implying that I should never "slip" with my eating because I've been inspiring him to eat better and start exercising again. I just smiled, rolled my eyes, and asked if he needed anything else...he got the point, but I think this could get super annoying if it continues to happen (not that I plan on eating donuts daily). In the end, I don't think it really makes a big difference whether you tell or not as long as you feel okay about the decision. I needed to tell people before surgery because it was a way to process my decision and I just like to gab. I've told people after (except my tap class) because I'd already told so many. For the most part everyone is really excited and happy with my results. Now I'm just hoping to be able to move past this surgery and weight loss and live a more normal life. It's not like I'm super small, but you'd think by the constant comments that I've done the most amazing thing ever. I just want to be normal and not have people focused on me because of this weight loss anymore.

February 24, 2010

5

Moving forward with RE

I made the decision about a week ago to go back to the fertility clinic I was using pre-surgery. We've been actively trying for about 5 months (but not doing anything to prevent it for 6 months) and after 3 years, I'm very impatient:-) I have an appointment set up for July 7, but called and spoke with the nurse about coming in for my 3 day blood work before that (I'm due to start my period the week before). She said that would be fine because the doctor will want to re-run some tests since it's been a year and a half since I've been there. I don't yet know if I will need assistance (like meds or iui), but it makes me feel better that I can get thoroughly checked out to make sure there is nothing wrong like before. I'm just so excited and grateful to be at the healthiest weight I've ever been to embark on this journey. :scared0:

June 22, 2010

5

3 Year Anniversary!

Lots of ramblings... It has been so long and I actually forgot that today was my surgiversary. This morning I received an email from another site congratulating me on being 3 years out so I thought I'd come here and check things out. Life really has changed over the past years, but that was inevitable with or without the sleeve The ugly... I am up 20 pounds from my goal weight and 30 pounds from my happy weight. About 25 of those pounds have been put on since the birth of my beautiful daughter who is now almost 16 months. I am not happy about this, but wow, being a mom really cut into my exercise and sleep time;-) I have now begun a consistent exercise routine again (after an inconsistent year), am trying to get the food choices under control (it's hard to make healthy choices on 5 hours of sleep) and hope by my birthday in October to be down at least 10 pounds. Ugly (pt. 2)-my body!!!!! I'm sitting at a size 10 and get so many compliments about how much better (healthier) I look compared to my size 4 body, and I'd have to agree to an extent, but boy do I miss my muscle-toned body:-( The bad... A big reason for having the vsg was to help our chances of getting pregnant. Unfortunately after a year out and steady for months below my goal weight, I went back to my RE and attempted to have some tests run. Long story short, it turned out that my only chance at pregnancy was to have my tubes removed, due to severe scarring, and go through IVF. I was VERY depressed for about a week. I'd figured out how we could afford (mentally and financially) IUI, but IVF??? And then I realized I could either be sad and upset or I could make a new plan, either way life was going to move forward. It's reflecting on times like this that I'm reminded how little is truly in our control, but fortunately God is at the helm and, at least in my experiences, has a more awesome plan for my life than even I could imagine. The good, great, fantastic... About a week after getting the devastating news and posting to this wonderful board about it, I read a reply from someone who opened my eyes. She probably doesn't even realize it, but after reading through all my posts she made a comment that changed my life. She said "I know that you would like to have a biological child but there are sooooo many many many children that need a loving home..." At first I was really offended, but then I reread all of my posts and realized that of course she and everyone else would assume that getting pregnant was very important to me, I mean look back at everything I'd posted about the drastic steps I was taking, BUT it wasn't about being pregnant to me, it was about being a mom and my husband being a dad. So... At that point, we half-heartedly discussed adoption, but that post really made me examine what we wanted. Shortly after that I we began the home study process and before our report was written we were matched with a wonderful young lady due in April. And the rest is history...although life wouldn't be life without a few issues, but it all worked out. Lastly... A big part of the struggle for me with food, exercise, and sleep this past year or so was the fact that I still was working outside my state about 40 miles each way. If you know anything about the Washington DC area, you know a commute like that can be horrendous AND it usually was. Well, in October 2011, I made the decision I wouldn't be coming back to this current job another school year and let my principal know. It was kind of scary with this economy and teaching jobs near my home very competitive, but I had to make a decision that was good for my health and family. In December I happened on a job fair and was offered a contract. In March I was offered a job in my own district for the remainder of the school year, but my current principal would not budge on the 30 days notice thing and they needed the position filled immediately, so I had to turn it down. That was a hard pill to swallow, but in the end, like most things, it worked out for the best. I ended up with a lot of possibilities and took one at an independent school near my house that begins at age three and goes through high school, which will be great as my baby grows up. I'm now laying in bed with a little girl curled up at my side because she thought 4 AM would be a good wake up time this morning and I was afraid she'd hurt herself jumping in her crib if I didn't get her out. So there's the good, bad, and ugly. Getting sleeved three years ago was an excellent decision for me and I know it's helped me get to where I am now. It sort of reminds me of the Robert Frost poem...and I took the road less traveled down and that has made all the difference. Who knows where the other fork (non-sleeve) would have led me, maybe somewhere just as great, but I'm happy to be where I am today!

August 5, 2012

5

Almost there!!!!!!!!!!

So this morning I had my Jazzercise class and one of the instructors watched me to provide feedback (my audition is in 5 weeks). She told told me I need to work on the intensity--kicking it up a notch--when doing the heavy routines. One of my biggest concerns all along has been that although I can do the routines fine, I've danced off and on my entire life, my strength isn't where it should be. I really need to add more weight training into my program...so today we pulled one of our tv's from the basement to the living room (I wasn't using it there because we have tile and it's so cold) and hooked up the Wii Fit. It's been soooo long since I'd been on it. I'm committing myself to using it everyday for the next 5 weeks and 15 minutes 3 days per week with my stability ball working on my core. The most amazing thing happened though, it read my bmi as NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm attaching a picture and will put it into my profile as well. I'm not counting it for really being at goal because my bathroom scale matches the one at my surgeon's office (well it's actually 2 pounds heavier) and their scale reads heavy, so I like that mine does too. It was just so cool to actually see a normal bmi :thumbup:. I know I'll be there for "real" this month if I pump it up a notch.

January 9, 2010

4

Jazzercise Instructor Audition Today

And I PASSED!!!!!!!!!! This has been a long time in coming. I was scheduled for two different auditions previously this year, but for different reasons had to skip them. I've danced my entire life and I can say that today's audition was the most nervous I've ever been. I think because I had to do it solo vs. being in a group. Now I have to get through the next two days and I'll be an instructor. :scared0: I've never been so strong and healthy. None of this would have been possible without the vsg.

June 24, 2010

4

3 Months Post-op

Tomorrow will be my three month surgiversary. I cannot believe how fast the time seems to fly by. I truly feel like I'm learning to live with this wonderful tool by trying to develop habits that I can sustain for life. I'm exercising at least 5 days a week doing things I really enjoy. My vitamin and protein intake still needs work, but it continues to get better each week. Currently my biggest dilemma is how I want to go about the rest of my weight loss phase. This morning I weighed in at 174.5, down 47.5 lbs since the morning of surgery, for a total of 63.5 lbs since beginning my pre-op diet. Lately I've been torn on whether I should begin adding more carbs into my diet (well, I've actually been doing that) so that I lose the rest of the weight (about 38 lbs) in a way that I know I can maintain once I'm finished. The other part of me really thinks it would be great just to lose these last pounds as quickly as possible before my "honeymoon" period ends and then worry about maintenance because I know to get under what I am now will take a lot of work. Anyway, I'm sure I'll figure it out as I go. Overall, I am soooooo happy with the weight loss and grateful that I was able to have this procedure. Accomplishments so far: *Wearing sizes 12-14 depending on brand (22-24 before pre-op diet) *28 day cycles (50-80 days before surgery) *Exercising at least 5 days per week AND loving it *No desire to eat McDonald's (ate there 5-7 times per week before surgery) My hopes and dreams over the next few months: *Fit into the size 10 Lilly dress I just purchased *Pass the Jazzercise audition *Get pregnant (that's quite a ways down the road, but still) *Continue towards my weight loss goal of 100 lbs. gone

November 4, 2009

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My mother...

My mom was not in favor of me having weight loss surgery. She encouraged me to try Jenny Craig AGAIN or look at the serotonin plus diet (even offered to pay for them). Although she did not like my decision, she always supported ME 100%. She sat with my husband during surgery, came to see me each day in the hospital, and came by my house during my recovery to bring me whatever I wanted. Well, over the last few weeks, she has made some interesting comments regarding my clothing purchases. When we went shopping for my birthday I found a lot of clearance Lands End clothing at Sears that was 75-80%. I really wanted to buy some size 8's for next summer, but she said I'd never be that size, that I NEEDED to stop at 12 if I managed to get there. I was having such a pleasant day and was wearing 14-16 at the time, I just didn't want to make a big deal over it. Last weekend we went out together and I was talking about how I ordered a size 10 Lilly dress (since I now fit my size 14 one I've had for a couple of years) because it was such a great deal. She got really upset that I was continuing to spend money on clothes and said, "And how long do you think you'll be that size? Like 6 months?" insinuating that I couldn't possibly maintain a lower weight. I accused her of being unsupportive and left it at that. Yesterday I stopped by to pick something up and she decided she wanted to explain that she does support me, she's just worried that I will lose too much and start to look sickly like my anorexic aunt (one of her sisters). What?!? I weigh 174 lbs. I am at the top of the overweight bmi range. It was good we had the conversation. I think we both understand each better, but I am still just annoyed. I feel like part of her just doesn't want me to set my sights too high and fail (I've been through this before because I am so goal oriented and she worries). I just wish I could be at the end of this journey so that all of this was behind me. Oh, well...it will all be okay, just needed to get this off my chest.

November 6, 2009

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Not so great week...

This has been one of the worst weeks I have had post VSG-not related to surgery, just with stress. Due to this stress my eating has not been what it should be (not planned out at all, skipping meals, stopped at Subway twice, lots of peanuts) and although I've managed to keep up with daily exercise, I am just not losing (fluctuating one pound up then one pound down). I've heard and read that stress can cause us to hold onto weight, and I'm sure coupled with poor food/eating habits has not helped in the weight loss department. So today is a new day and the week is not yet over. I took the day off for a physical and plan to hit the grocery store and get back to planning my meals. My husband and I had a heart to heart last night, so I think those issues are pretty much resolved. I hope I'm back on track to meet my next weight loss goal of weighing 165 lbs on my next follow-up visit with my surgeon on 12/2. That's 3-4 pounds I have to shed in 2.5 weeks. I think it's doable, if I just get back on track. On a positive note, I found out yesterday that I passed the movement screening for Jazzercise and can now begin preparing for the audition in February. I was so very excited!

November 19, 2009

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Part of a new club...almost

Last night after my exercise class the instructor came over to congratulate me on how trim and fit I was looking (I wish I looked the same with my clothes off). I told her I have 15 pounds more to go and then I think I'll be done (still not sure about that final goal, I'll have to wait and see). I also expressed how much harder it has become to drop even a pound and we started talking. This instructor weighs 134.5 lbs, down from 136.5 two weeks ago...two weeks ago we started our winter challenge in class where we weigh and record each week on a chart if we want...that's the only reason I know her weight, because she told me her weight that night. She is in her early 40's and has the body a 20 something would die for, definitely an inspiration for me (maybe after plastics some day:-) Anyway, she expressed that people in her life are always telling her how lucky she is that she can just eat anything because she is so skinny. She then said they just don't understand how hard it is for "us" to lose weight when "we're" smaller so "we" really have to be careful about gaining weight. For the first time I felt almost like I was apart of the smaller group. My entire life I have been apart of the larger group. I started ballet at 2 and even then was the biggest dancer. Throughout school, cheerleading, and dance team, I was always one of the biggest girls. At the time it didn't really bother me, in fact sometimes I took pride that I could keep up and even beat out smaller girls for coveted spots. I had a pretty positive self-esteem, but was always realistic in who I was and my appearance. But last night I realized that I never considered myself as completely "normal" and definitely not "smaller." I don't think anyone was ever rude about my weight (except my older brother could be brutal, but he was family and didn't count), but I also never truly felt included in conversations about "normal" weight and fears. I remember friends talking about gaining 5 pounds over a semester and how they must lose it before this or that, and I was always like "so, that's not a big deal, it's just 5 lbs." I am starting to get that 5 pounds can make a size difference and means you may or may not fit into those jeans or that dress. Enough of my ramble, I just wanted to journal this new experience I'm having. I still don't really fit in the "smaller" group, but I'd say I'm with the "normals" at least amongst my friends.

December 2, 2009

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Huge Victories!!!

I weighed myself this morning and the scale read 158.5, finally out of the 160's!!! My lowest weight of my teenage/adult life was 158, which I weighed in my sophomore year of high school. Although I set a goal of a "normal" bmi, I don't think I completely believed that it could happen. Now I definitely feel it WILL happen. Only 10.5 lbs. left to go. My second victory is an NSV. I've really been feeling poorly over the last week. I thought it might be my gallbladder, then I was thinking an ovarian cyst, but I'm not a doctor and will be going in and hopefully it gets figured it out soon. Anyway, tonight I went to tap class and my husband decided to clean the master bathtub so I could take a relaxing bath when I got home. We have a small jacuzzi tub in there and I hadn't taken a bath since before surgery. I fit with so much room left on both sides. I didn't let it fill as far up as normal, because I was impatient, but the water still covered my body completely. I called my husband in so he could see how well I fit:thumbup: A nice way to start the week, but I still wish it were Friday.

December 15, 2009

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Lowest Weight EVER!!! (and some other reflections)

This morning my scale read 156.5 lbs!!! In 7th grade I remember going to the doctor for my period cramps and weighing 160 lbs. My weight went up from there and fluctuated from 160-180 throughout junior high and high school. My lowest being my sophomore year when I was so nervous about starting a new school and a new dance team that I stopped eating and weighed 158 lbs at Homecoming that year. I cannot believe I've reached this point! I've really been reflecting on what Chancie wrote in a post this morning about being in denial while overweight. That was me, that's why when I saw pictures of me on the beach last spring break I was so shocked at how I looked, I never really saw that girl in the mirror, just thought I was smaller I guess. Now the opposite is sort of happening, when I see myself in pictures and compare to the before's I'm a little shocked at how much I've lost, but on a daily basis I still feel quite large with so much extra weight to lose. I really need to get back to buying new "goal" clothes and taking pictures more frequently because it sort of forces me to feel better. It's really hard for me to accept compliments about the weight loss in real life and they make me uncomfortable, but I've always been this way (about any compliment said to my face) and have gotten pretty good at changing the conversation in a different direction. Don't get me wrong, I am pretty self-centered and a bit spoiled, but realize that there are many more important things than myself, so when I get a compliment for something I always want to give credit to everything/everyone that has made it possible for me to reach a goal or do something well. In this case, the sleeve is 90% responsible for my success. Sure I'm exercising and eating less, but in the past I've done these things with only 10-20% of these results. Well, just my ramblings on a snowed in Saturday. We've been issued a blizzard warning, but so far still have power, Internet, and satellite.

December 19, 2009

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Happy New Year!

My rambling thoughts... As I reflect over 2009, I realize that the year was sort of an emotional roller-coaster for me, but also how many wonderful things occurred in my life. The beginning of the year started with anxiousness regarding having my fibroids surgically removed (hoped to keep my uterus), then sadness about the idea I wasn't as healthy as I'd like to be to get pregnant (too fat, not ovulating), next came excitement while learning about and preparing for weight loss surgery, trepidation while my wls date neared, elation with the results of a complication-free surgery and rapid weight loss, fear about entering a new decade (turned 30), frustration and happiness as I begun to learn my new stomach, and finally contentment and peace as I started to feel like the "real" me/ a normal person for the first time ever. I'm now entering this 2010 year with a real sense of peace in my life. It's hard for me to describe...I'm happy. I think I will always be the type of person that has to have something to strive for, make myself better, but I'm starting to discover that just because there is always something to work towards, it's okay to just enjoy the moment too. My plans and goals for the year (so far, because they are always changing/evolving depending on what life throws out) include... tryout to become a Jazzercise instructor (if I make it, GREAT, but just making it to that step is huge for me)
decluttering my life (there is a lot to this one)
reaching my goal weight (whatever that might be...right now I'm 155 lbs, 7 pounds away from a "healthy" bmi, but who knows where I'm supposed to end up...maybe here?)
enjoying as much of this year as possible without letting things drag me down (keep positive)
I think that's all for now, I'm really excited for 2010, and thankful that I've been so blessed in all my previous years.

January 1, 2010

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