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A blog by deedee

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Leaving tomorrow, getting nervous

Tomorrow I'm heading home (WA State) for 11 days. It's been two years since my last visit and have planned to be there over two weekends so that I had time to spend with old friends (who will mostly be working during the week). The more I talk with friends the more concerned and nervous I become about the whole eating thing. Fortunately my husband and I have eaten out quite a bit since surgery, so I am really good about finding nutritious, soft/mushy food (soup, eggs, grilled or broiled seafood), but I started studying the menus and nutrition values at restaurants I knew we frequented while I was pre-op.   I will be staying at my grandmother's house, so I plan to head to the grocery store the morning after I get in since tomorrow night I have a friend picking me up from the airport and we're going straight to a barbeque. I think I'll buy some yogurt--I get the diabetic friendly kind--eggs whites, veggie cheese, turkey sausage, chicken breasts, and lactaid milk. I'm going to pack some protein powder to take with me since the only ones I can tolerate are only available by ordering...I think.   Another big concern is helping my friends understand what I can and cannot eat. Although they all know about my surgery, I told everyone in my life (and some who weren't) when I first started looking into it, since they are so far away, I haven't really educated them on the ins and outs of my day to day eating.   I have one friend that wants to treat me to lunch next week (she's a little depressed because all of her kids are now school aged for the first time). I'm thinking of suggesting visiting some places around town that we used to hang out and ride our bikes to when we were kids. Another two friends want to go to the big fair and in the past the fair has always been a place for me to overindulge in bad foods. She is much more health conscious and although she mentioned wanting to get a scone I know the trip will be more about checking out the booths and stuff. So I should be fine if I can fight the head hunger. I'm thinking about picking ONE treat that I can have and take a few bites.   As for packing, I'm really confused on what to bring. Money has been a bit tight since I'm still not really working much and have about a month more off. I've budgeted out a certain amount and don't plan to go over. So normally I would use any vacation as a chance to add to my wardrobe (when I was a size 16 or below, larger than that and shopping was just not appealing), this time I really need to bring enough to get me by.   I know all of these things will work out, but I'm just having last minute worries. I've been pretty fortunate since surgery in that I've been in a pretty controlled environment most days and able to plan ahead for the most part. With this trip, I kind of feel that I am now officially on training wheels.
deedee

deedee

1
 

Learning to live

I flew across the country at about 5.5 weeks out of surgery. I was still on soft/mushy food and was pretty nervous about both the flight (5 hours direct) and the 11 days I was to spend with my grandmother, family, and friends. Well...I'm now back home almost 7.5 weeks out and down an additional 5 lbs.   I wasn't perfect in my eating--ate too fast many times (definitely felt it), ate more carbs than I had been, and missed my protein goal some days--but I feel like a complete success! I feel this trip was the beginning of my new life (I know it's sort of corny). It helped me realize that although I must plan ahead when it comes to food and exercise, I do not need to be obsessed about it like I had been in the pre-op and direct post-op period. I now understand that the last couple of months I have been making real lifestyle changes, not just dieting, and those changes were evident on my trip based on the decent food choices I made and fun I had incorporating exercise.   Another interesting food related thing to happen was when I went to a favorite chain restaurant with friends, I discovered that without being able to scarf down food with liquid, it really wasn't that good. I am now a lot more conscious about how the food tastes seeing that I only get a few bites before being full.   Overall, I learning to live with this wonderful tool and finding that I love it!
deedee

deedee

1
 

Jazzercise Instructor Audition Today

And I PASSED!!!!!!!!!! This has been a long time in coming. I was scheduled for two different auditions previously this year, but for different reasons had to skip them.   I've danced my entire life and I can say that today's audition was the most nervous I've ever been. I think because I had to do it solo vs. being in a group.   Now I have to get through the next two days and I'll be an instructor. :scared0:   I've never been so strong and healthy. None of this would have been possible without the vsg.
deedee

deedee

4
 

I'm Sleeved!

It turned out to be a little more of an operation than originally planned. The surgeon told me that he found a hiatal hernia and had to deal with that as well. I'm still a little confused about exactly that was/is, but we will discuss it more at my first post-op next week.   Yesterday was my first day home and I sort of took a turn for the worse. In the hospital I was up walking and talking to everyone, very happy and feeling great. Late in the morning they took me down for an upper GI, and I ended up puking and getting the shakes from the stuff they had me swallow before the barium. I was never able to do the barium because I was shaking and chattering too bad.   Once back in my room, I started to feel a little better, but not as good as the night and morning before. I got the news that based on the pictures they were able to take, everything looked fine for me to begin clear liquids.   Around 3:30 PM all the IV fluid was through me, I'd spoken with my surgeon, the hospital dietitian, and many others, and the nurse was ready to go over my discharge paperwork.   This morning I definitely felt better than last night. Last evening I barely finished a 15 minute walk on the boardwalk. Today, I easily did 30. I'm still not getting much in myself and really need to work on that.   Other than that, I'm trying to take my pain meds on schedule. I have an OnQ pump for pain relief support that I'll have to remove on Sunday afternoon. I started my vitamins today and think that might have helped me feel better.
deedee

deedee

1
 

I'm Overweight!!!!! And some other stuff...

Well, I just wrote a thread about a couple of successes and then went to change my ticker. Guess what? I am no longer obese. My BMI is now 29.8!!! I cannot believe it...this sleeve is amazing. I am still a work in progress when it comes to this new lifestyle, but every week I get better.   Food is no longer an addiction, but I am falling back into some addictive shopping behavior patterns that I worked hard throughout my 20's to overcome. I did much better this weekend with my shopping and didn't spend nearly as much money as I had a few weeks ago in part because the clothes I bought a few weeks ago are already starting to look frumpy. I'm convincing myself that I do not need cute clothes at every size and also think I'll buy more dresses that I can wear through multiple sizes. Unfortunately they do not have very good thrift stores around here and the consignment shops (that I have found) only take really high-end clothing and I'd spend much more at them than at discount or regular department store sales.   Did I mention that I LOVE MY SLEEVE!
deedee

deedee

2
 

I'm on my way...

I had my consultation today (2nd surgeon) and have a surgery date scheduled for August 4. I'm supposed to immediately begin eating high protein, low carbohydrate foods/meals. I'm glad about this because the thing I am most nervous about is learning how to eat differently. I'll meet with the nutritionist on July 6, but I'm going to try to do my best up until that point.   As I reviewed the paperwork from the doctor's office this afternoon, it really started to hit me that this new chapter of my life is really going to begin soon. I'm very excited and a bit nervous. I started therapy about a month ago to begin discussing some of my issues with food and I hope that the transition I'm about to make won't be as tough with the right supports in place.
deedee

deedee

0
 

I'm Losing It (my mind that is)!

I'm almost to my 6 month mark and this is typically where (in the past) I start to lose dedication/motivation to living a healthier lifestyle. THANK GOD I have the sleeve! Because this last week all healthy eating pretty much flew out the window. I was like a bottomless pit and did not fill that pit with the good protein I should have. Both Thursday and Friday I bought a bag of chips from the vending machine AND yesterday bought a bag of candy from their as well and had nachos for lunch.   I could sense it coming too. That's why last weekend I called to make an appointment with Jenny Craig. I realized that I do not have time/desire to cook (it was so different when I was off work this fall--I used my cookbooks, planned out and made meals, etc.) when driving 80 miles round trip for work and 30 miles round trip for exercise. I'm going in this afternoon just to pick up some food...I explained about the wls and how I just wanted access to their food and they seemed fine with that. I know frozen, processed foods are not the best, but for right now I need the ease and structure. I figure one meal per day will last me for breakfast and lunch and then I'll buy a couple more for dinners during the week. I like these better than the ones sold in the grocery stores and they have a whole lot less sodium.   On the other side, I'm still keeping up with my exercise routine, but it's getting harder. My body has been so exhausted. One night I got home and could barely move, but made myself get ready and drive the 25 minutes to class. It really helps that I made the goal of becoming an instructor because that is what keeps me going right now. I knew I was expected to teach a couple of routines so I had to be there.   I WILL get passed this 6 month hurdle (still two weeks to go) and come out victorious because of this great tool! I even managed to lose a little this week, down 1.5 pounds since Monday, so I guess the extra calories aren't bad, I just need to make them healthier calories.
deedee

deedee

3
 

I went to McDonald's and got...

...a bottle of water. Pre-surgery, McDonald's was one of my daily stops. I LOVED salt and grease. Even during my pre-op diet (July) I would stop by for breakfast and get a breakfast sandwich and take off all of the bread. Well, before I was sleeved I decided that McDonalds would be off limits to me. I knew this was possible because in the 4 years I've been with my husband he has never once eaten there (or any fast food) that was always something I did with friends or alone. He always said how the smell made him sick, although he does admit to eating there a couple of times during college.   Well tonight I left Jazzercise without filling up my water bottle for the ride home (about 25 minutes) and I was so thirsty. I turned to stop at a gas station not realizing that they had a barrier on that side and had to continue to a different road and turned around in the McDonalds' parking lot. While there I thought I'd run in and grab a water there. I couldn't believe it, as I stood in line nothing smelled good. I did not have any cravings! I got my water and left. This was so amazing to me because I was such an addict before. Now, I'm still not perfect with food, but I feel so much better knowing that this tool is such a help in keeping really bad foods at bay.
deedee

deedee

3
 

I HAVE worked this tool!

Since I've been one who has told most everyone about my surgery, I usually respond to compliments with something like, "I was so fortunate to have this procedure." Well, today as I was walking down the hall, a colleague passed me and said again how amazed she was with my transformation. She asked me how I was continuing to do it and of course I mentioned the surgery. She replied with the fact she knows about the surgery, but many people have surgery and do not succeed. It made me stop and realize that I have worked this tool and I'm proud of that.   While I am definitely not perfect, I make decisions daily about food and exercise to make this a lifestyle and not just a temporary thing. Now I still feel that the sleeve is mostly responsible for my success, but am starting to feel that I played a big role and can be proud too.
deedee

deedee

6
 

I have revised my goal weight and eating plan

I never set a goal weight with my surgeon. At my last follow-up appointment he asked me about it and I responded that I wanted to be in a normal weight range. On here I had set my goal weight as 138 lbs (23 bmi), because that would be exactly 100 lbs from my consultation weight (although not my highest weight).   This weekend I did some thinking and have adjusted my goal weight to 148 lbs. This puts my bmi at 24.6, which I know is the high end of normal, but I think it's a great goal for me. In high school I managed to get down to 158 for a few months, but cannot ever remember being lower than that. My goal may get adjusted again, I'll just have to wait and see.   I have also decided to begin eating as normally as possible as I work on dropping the last 23 lbs. I've really struggled with whether or not to push myself to goal as fast as possible during my "honeymoon" stage by staying on a high protein and low carb diet or use this weight loss process/journey to develop some new habits with food while I have such good restriction. The latter choice entails not depriving myself of any foods as long as I limit the portion and/or frequency. For now this is what I will try to do. I am continuing with my protein supplement and eating protein first, but I am also allowing carbs back in and no longer tracking them. I JUST WANT TO HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD! We'll see how this goes, if that's even possible for me. I figure if I can manage to lose these last pounds with this diet in place, there shouldn't be any reason why I cannot maintain my weight loss. Now, if I really start to stall then I will be back to high protein, low carb.
deedee

deedee

11
 

I have never worked out so hard!!!

My audition to become a Jazzercise instructor is less than a month away. Today they offered a 2 hour class to work on movement technique for us trainees. I ended up spending an extra hour after that to work on certain moves, so spent a total of 3 hours exercising. I am so sore!   I'm also starting to wonder if I might need to wait until April or June to audition. For the most part, my movements were okay...the main trainer walked around the room and gave us immediate feedback. BUT I had a lot of difficulty with keeping up with the proper intensity. I know it didn't help that we had to repeat many of the most intense parts multiple times. The problem is that for the most part I was working as intense as I could and it still wasn't enough.   In two more weeks we have another one of these training sessions and our instructor said she'd let us know if she thought we might want to hold off until a later audition. I know that each week I'm building more muscle and getting stronger (I'm quite proud of how far I've come with strength and endurance since November when I had my movement screening), I just don't know if I'll be where I need to be by mid-February. I also know there are things I can do to build my strength/endurance, but don't want to push my body any more than I currently am, just feel I'll get stronger with time.   So we'll see if I audition in February or wait until April or June. But, I am very proud of myself for making it this far and know that I will audition eventually. Today was just a needed wake up call.
deedee

deedee

5
 

I can do this!

Okay, I think I can do this! I freaked out a little about lowering my carbs and upping my protein for my pre-op diet. Although I've been on and off of diets for 20 years, I have never tried a high protein diet because of my addiction to potatoes.   The first week of trying, I was visiting family in another state. I had a mini-meltdown when I discovered I really did not know much about carbs in the foods I ate. I decided that I did know that I could eat meat, cheese, lettuce, and eggs. So I decided I could really focus on protein for breakfast and lunch with no or very little carbs and then not stress about dinners. I thought it was at least a start.   Upon my return home, I had another meltdown. I was exhausted from the 13 hour drive the day before and just wanted something to eat. I had a protein bar for breakfast and one for lunch, but realized I would need to go grocery shopping. To tide me over I decided to have a yogurt and as I was eating it, read the back and realized how many carbs it contained. That's when I lost it. I felt that I did not have any idea what I was doing and that maybe this surgery wasn't going to work for me.   Thankfully my husband was home and decided we needed to take a field trip (I'm a teacher, so he talked to me in my terms :-). I protested feeling that I needed to read the two South Beach diet books I had picked up and make a plan before heading to the store. He basically said that this wasn't that difficult and I could do it; I'd been talking daily about surgery for the last three months and reading like crazy. (A little background: my husband exercises at the gym 7 days a week and eats pretty healthy all the time, but never really knew how many carbs certain foods contained...he just makes sure to eat a balanced diet and stays away from potatoes.)   We got to the store and started going through the isles reading labels and putting together foods I liked that could be for breakfast and lunch and snacks. This went really well and I was surprised at how many things we found.   This all happened Wednesday, and I can say that each day I grow more confident that I am making the changes I need to to live a healthier life. I've also discovered that I enjoy cooking. We did go out on Friday and I was very pleased that I didn't crave fries. I had a salad without dressing and a chicken burger without the bun. On Saturday, we went to a baseball game and stopped by Subway (one of my favorite fast food places) and got a spinach salad with chicken and a cup of dressing on the side and didn't even use 1/4 of it.   Tomorrow I meet with the nutritionist, so we'll see what other changes I need to make, but I feel good right now and think I can do this.
deedee

deedee

1
 

Huge Victories!!!

I weighed myself this morning and the scale read 158.5, finally out of the 160's!!! My lowest weight of my teenage/adult life was 158, which I weighed in my sophomore year of high school. Although I set a goal of a "normal" bmi, I don't think I completely believed that it could happen. Now I definitely feel it WILL happen. Only 10.5 lbs. left to go.   My second victory is an NSV. I've really been feeling poorly over the last week. I thought it might be my gallbladder, then I was thinking an ovarian cyst, but I'm not a doctor and will be going in and hopefully it gets figured it out soon. Anyway, tonight I went to tap class and my husband decided to clean the master bathtub so I could take a relaxing bath when I got home. We have a small jacuzzi tub in there and I hadn't taken a bath since before surgery. I fit with so much room left on both sides. I didn't let it fill as far up as normal, because I was impatient, but the water still covered my body completely. I called my husband in so he could see how well I fit:thumbup:   A nice way to start the week, but I still wish it were Friday.
deedee

deedee

4
 

Huge NSV!!!

I really love Lily Pulitzer clothing and a few years back they stopped making size 16. I was upset, but went ahead and bought a dress in a 14 at the end of one season (when it was like 60% off) with the goal of being able to wear it after whatever diet I was on at the time. I never once have been able to get it zipped, when I got really heavy last year, I couldn't get it around my hips.   Well, this dress sort of served as my carrot. Every weekend since I started my pre-op diet I have tried it on. This weekend I had another big closet clean out where I try everything on in my closets, dresser, and under bed bins. I got to this dress and told myself that maybe in another couple of weeks it would fit perfect, but guess what...IT ZIPPED! I was so ecstatic!!! I had told myself that it would eventually fit, but to actually be able to zip it up was WONDERFUL.   I had my husband take some pictures, I'm going to try to post one here and in my profile. The funny thing is, I don't really like the dress that much now that it fits, but it is such an accomplishment that I will always keep it.   Edited: cannot figure out how to put a picture here, so it's just in my album.
deedee

deedee

2
 

Happy New Year!

My rambling thoughts...   As I reflect over 2009, I realize that the year was sort of an emotional roller-coaster for me, but also how many wonderful things occurred in my life.   The beginning of the year started with anxiousness regarding having my fibroids surgically removed (hoped to keep my uterus), then sadness about the idea I wasn't as healthy as I'd like to be to get pregnant (too fat, not ovulating), next came excitement while learning about and preparing for weight loss surgery, trepidation while my wls date neared, elation with the results of a complication-free surgery and rapid weight loss, fear about entering a new decade (turned 30), frustration and happiness as I begun to learn my new stomach, and finally contentment and peace as I started to feel like the "real" me/ a normal person for the first time ever.   I'm now entering this 2010 year with a real sense of peace in my life. It's hard for me to describe...I'm happy. I think I will always be the type of person that has to have something to strive for, make myself better, but I'm starting to discover that just because there is always something to work towards, it's okay to just enjoy the moment too.   My plans and goals for the year (so far, because they are always changing/evolving depending on what life throws out) include... tryout to become a Jazzercise instructor (if I make it, GREAT, but just making it to that step is huge for me)
decluttering my life (there is a lot to this one)
reaching my goal weight (whatever that might be...right now I'm 155 lbs, 7 pounds away from a "healthy" bmi, but who knows where I'm supposed to end up...maybe here?)
enjoying as much of this year as possible without letting things drag me down (keep positive)
  I think that's all for now, I'm really excited for 2010, and thankful that I've been so blessed in all my previous years.
deedee

deedee

4
 

First time in front of the class

This morning at Jazzercise the instructor announced to everyone that I would be trying out in Feb. to be an instructor and invited me to come up front to get a feel for how it would be. I was less than thrilled, feeling tired, bloated, and crampy, but she wouldn't take no for an answer.   I'm glad I had the experience. It is different having to do all the routines in a different direction and having people watch you for the way the movements are supposed to be done (it made me a lot more conscious of how I moved and did not allow me to get sloppy). It also reaffirmed how much better shape I need to be in before auditions. There would have been no way that I could have done the routines AND cued the movements today with the headset microphone...I would have been breathing so hard they wouldn't have been able to hear any of the directions:-)   The best part actually happened after class. Many people came up to talk with me and I got a lot of positive feedback on both my movements and my weight loss. One lady actually said I was easier to follow than the instructor (it's not true, our instructor is FABULOUS, but it was nice to be told anyway).   My weight loss has definitely slowed to a crawl. This week's total weight loss is -1 lb. It was a hard week in the beginning and now I'm on my period, so I guess I am just grateful for any loss.
deedee

deedee

3
 

First Stall

Well, I'm now on day 5 of fluctuating between 202 and 202.5 lbs. I was sort of prepared for a stall, but it really does get old. I'm just trying to get in more protein and calories (I'm almost up to about 500-550 calories per day). I've started forcing myself to drink 1 protein shake a day and am getting in about 45 grams of protein per day. I'm also walking around 2 miles per day, but the last couple of walks have really taken a lot out of me, I was so tired and had to really slow down the second half of the walk.   I called the surgeon's office today and spoke with the nurse (surgeon's on vacation) because this is also day 5 of not having a bowel movement. Her first question was about my liquid intake. I know that yesterday I got in 70 oz of water, but before probably only around 50-60 oz. She told me to take Miralax, although I did take it yesterday and today. I'm going to call back in two days if nothing has moved. I'm not in any kind of pain and just started feeling a little bloated today.   So basically to get through this stall (and constipation) I'm just going to work very hard at following the program by upping my protein intake, my water intake, and walking further. I'm also going to try to start changing up and increasing my calories because I'm starting to get a little bored with my food decisions.
deedee

deedee

0
 

First Post-op Appointment

Well, today I had my first post-op appointment. Each day I have been feeling so much better and the pain less. I did have to report that I am only getting in about 20 oz of liquids a day. The good news is I am not dehydrated, but I told them that yesterday was the first day I started to have dry mouth...so thinking that maybe I was headed that way. Ironically, today was the first day I could sip water without any kind of discomfort, so I was able to get around 50 oz. I have also not been able to get in protein supplements (5-10 grams per day). I purchased an ice cream maker on my way to the doctor's and plan on trying some protein ice cream to help with this.   Today I weighed in exactly 30 lbs less than I did on my initial consultation day on June 24. On August 4 (surgery day) I weighed 222 and today I weighed 208. Now that I'm cleared to go to soft/mushie foods, I understand from what I've read I might gain some or not lose any for a while. But it sure has been nice seeing the scale drop everyday this week.   Walking has been going well. Today I did about 1.75 miles in about 33 minutes, but before I had been doing 1-1.25 miles in 20-30 minutes. I just seemed to have so much more energy after I was able to get in protein from some pureed chicken.
deedee

deedee

1
 

Feeling down...

I've been feeling somewhat sad for the last couple of days. For some reason I'm feeling fatter right now than the day of surgery (I know it's not rational and not true, but it's how I feel). I'm very happy with the weight loss number I've had so far (it has exceeded my expectations by so much, I was hoping to be here by Christmas initially), but when I look in the mirror I just see an unattractive, overweight woman.   This morning my husband came in and informed me that our scale was not working because it said he was 6 pounds lighter than last week and we needed a new one. I explained that it matched my surgeon's scale exactly last week, but he just wouldn't let it go. I lost it and started crying and told him if it was broken then I must weigh 6 pounds more than I thought. I know he felt bad and it wasn't a big deal at all and nothing worth crying about, I just couldn't help myself. He sent me 3 emails throughout the day saying how proud he is of my progress, I thought that was nice.   Tonight at Jazzercise, a woman came up to me as we were transitioning between routines and commented on my weight loss. She asked if I was doing Weight Watchers or something else (I guess she wasn't there the many times I mentioned my surgery) and I told her that I had surgery. She just sort of gave me a baffled look, her whole excitement level changed, and she went back to her spot. It was the first sort of negative reaction, but at least I didn't cry.   I'm not sure what is wrong, but I just don't feel right. I'm thinking it might be a hormonal change like I've read about with major weight loss. I think I'm going to have to drop one day of my exercise classes to start going back to my therapist again (haven't seen her since mid-September) at least for right now.
deedee

deedee

3
 

Failing

I am currently in a stall and IT'S ALL MY FAULT. Currently I am 4 months, one week out, and am pretty close to being at a normal bmi (my goal for now), but I'm just wondering if I'm ever going to make it.   My mind knows what I need to do, but I'm just not doing it. The biggest problem is that I am now snacking, and not because I'm hungry, which has upped my daily calorie intake. I've also added more fruits and veggies (salads) into my diet, but unfortunately this has meant less protein. Each night of the past week I've had the best intention of starting the next day with a protein drink, but it just hasn't happened. I'm hoping by writing this down, I can recommit to my weight loss journey.   This time of year (winter) has always been an emotional roller coaster for me, but it seems that this year, in particular, has been a lot more extreme "excitedness" and a lot more sadness. Lots of things seem to set me off in tears and then I try to pull myself out of it by focussing (obsessing) on some goal I'd like to accomplish, which excites me and gives me a purpose. The good news here is that my house has never been more organized, I actually spent 48 hours a couple weekends ago cleaning/completely emptying our sitting room, purchasing and putting together furniture and it looks great now!   I guess all this rambling is to say that I'm not doing too well with my sleeve tool. I really do not want to fail and hope I can get my mind back into the game soon.
deedee

deedee

1
 

Each day gets better

I'm not sure if I'm still stalling with my weight because I have not weighed myself in two days. I will say that if I am, my weight must be shifting because I wore a skirt today that I couldn't zip at the beginning of my stall.   I'm still learning how to eat in different situations. Yesterday I went to brunch and had scrambled eggs with cheese. It didn't go down very well, felt kind of stuck, but I kept taking bites and tried to chew better. I only ate about 4 bites but I felt overly stuffed for a couple of hours. I got the hiccups sort of (this has been happening when I eat too much), but felt better later in the day after I took a walk.   Today I sort of returned to work. I am a teacher, but will not start this year until mid October because I am taking over for another teacher who will leave and not return once she has her baby. I'm going back to my old job and school, so I went in today for their first work day back. It was great to see everyone and I got a couple of compliments. There is another teacher whose mother passed away yesterday so I will be going in this week to set up her classroom and do what I can for her.   Well, not much else happening right now. I'm just glad that I'm finding other things to focus on besides the scale. I was almost about to get depressed over the stall and then I remembered some fitness goals I wanted to accomplish and decided to start on those. I signed up for a two hour per week tap and jazz class that begins Sept. 10. I'm hoping my surgeon will release me for full exercise when I see him this week so I can start back to Jazzercise (haven't been in well over a year), it's been four weeks and I think I'm ready as long as I don't push myself too hard.
deedee

deedee

0
 

Doctor's Appointment Update

I went to a scheduled doctor's appointment today to discuss my low blood pressure issues. Over the past week my blood pressure had seemed better (101/57), but I kept the appointment because he only works one Saturday a month. The nurse took my bp and it was 96/61. The doctor took it manually and got a very low reading as well and then switched to a different cuff. He told me that because of how small I am now a child's cuff would give me a more accurate reading. With it he said I'm definitely "low," but my pulse rate is slow as well, so he's not concerned like he would be if I had a normal pulse rate. He explained the whole thing in detail, but my eyes glazed over and I just half listened. BUT, the good news is that I'm okay for now. He was also really glad to hear that I was trying to maintain. He didn't say that I shouldn't lose anymore, but if I did, it needed to be at a much slower rate.   My husband actually came to this appointment with me and at the end brought up my emotional state. The doctor confirmed that the weight loss is a contributing factor to my state. After more of a discussion though, we decided I would try a low dose of an anti-depressant for a month and then see him again. I won't go into the contributing factors here, but he also wants me to see a psychiatrist. I'm cautious, but a little hopeful that maybe this medicine will help get me in a good place again.   I'll be seeing my surgeon on April 1, and will see what he has to say about these issues as well.
deedee

deedee

2
 

Confession time-horrible with food intake

Over the last couple of days I've done nothing but graze on food on and off all day long between my bouts of productivity. I don't know what it is about snowy, wintery weather, but it seems to make me feel like I have to shovel as much food in as possible. We've been out of school since last Friday and it looks like we might be out for a couple more days (new storm due to come in tomorrow afternoon) and I really need to get it together.   If the food intake wasn't bad enough, I'm hardly getting in any exercise. Last week we only had Jazzercise 1 day due to snow from the previous weekend. I did manage to get out and take a 45 minute walk this morning and shoveled for an hour Saturday and an hour Sunday, but it doesn't compare to my normal level of daily activity. Tomorrow I plan on going to the gym with my husband in the AM and then practice my audition routines in the PM. Hopefully this helps, but I don't think it can counteract the horrific eating I've allowed myself to do.   Guess I just needed to vent about my lack of willpower:-(
deedee

deedee

5
 

Changes

Today I posted a thread about New Year's resolutions and responded to one of Chancie's posts regarding something that has changed for both of us: being cold a lot of the time now, instead of always hot and sweating. Both these things got me thinking about how much has changed in my life so far and the changes that are still yet to come.   My husband loves baseball (still relives his high school glory days:blush:). We had season tickets for the first few years that the Washington National's first came to town. They are currently a horrible team and we did not renew our tickets for last year, but it had more to do with my health than their record. During the hot months, I could barely make it from the parking lot to the stadium and after the game had trouble making it back...we started taking golf cart rides because of my knees. I had so much trouble not passing out from the heat during the spring/summer games. There were more games than I can recall where my husband insisted we leave early because he was so concerned about my health. I felt horrible for him, I felt like a lousy wife. Last year we resorted to buying club seats when we went so that I could sit in the air conditioned club level in the back, where I'd stay for the majority of the game leaving him in the seats by himself. I'm so looking forward to this new season. This year we purchased a partial season package (1/2 of the games, I mean they really are a crappy team, it wasn't completely my health that made us stop getting full season tickets) and I am so happy that I can do this with him!   Another big change that hit me today happened when I went into this little boutique in my town. They opened last April and I've always admired their window displays, but had never gone in. Today after going down to the post office I walked over to the bakery and passed the boutique. On my way back to the car I decided to pop in and they had some super cute stuff, although a lot of it more trendy than I typically wear. The owner came over and asked to start a fitting room for me and went and exchanged the medium dress I had for a small. She explained that the dress ran large and the small fit more like a medium. When I went to try it on she was right. I spent about an hour looking through the different racks, it's pretty small. For the first time in my life I realized what it must be like to be a normal sized person shopping for clothing. I've never had a problem shopping (actually have had problems in the past with shopping too much) and have shopped department stores and boutique stores, I just never had been in one where every style in the store actually had my size. I didn't have to dig to the bottom of the pile to look for the largest size. Also, the only boutiques I'd shop in were ones I'd been to with my skinnier friends and saw that they had clothes that fit me. This was a wonderful experience.   I can't wait to see what other changes are in store. I LOVE BEING (sort of) NORMAL. I never realized how much my weight (and health) impacted my daily life and the kind of concessions and adjustments it forced me (and my husband) to make on a daily basis. Sure I was pretty happy before, but it's like the old saying "You can't miss what you've never had." I've never had a normal weight (okay I still don't yet), so I didn't realize all of the things I was missing out on.
deedee

deedee

3
 

Body Image

Over the last week, I've posted on forum threads regarding issues with my body and things I feel could use improvement. Now in the big picture, I understand these issues are not that important especially compared to the good health I now enjoy, they're more just little annoyances that only get to me at times.   One of the biggest issues is my skin. I know a lot of wls patients fear, dread, hate their lose skin and I am no different. Fortunately my arms are pretty okay and in most clothing, I look fine. But today I went swimsuit shopping to prepare for my upcoming trip (end of March) to Florida. It was a picture taken on that trip last year that prompted my search for a new weight loss plan, which eventually led to me discovering wls as an option.   Okay, back to the issues. My lower body (tummy, butt, and thighs) is disgusting. I'm not giving up hope that I can tone up these areas to some extent, but it's going to take a lot of work. In college I started buying swimsuits with skirts and always wore them due to bikini line razor burn and cellulite. Both of those things are still present, but much to my dismay, my saddle bags made any skirted swimsuit bottoms look pretty bad. I spent 3 hours shopping for a swimsuit and finally came to the conclusion that my body will never be perfect and I might as well just choose something and get on with it. When I'm at the beach I actually could care less how I look and hardly ever feel self conscious. It's all about the sun and water :biggrin0:   So here's the one I ended up buying. When I saw it in pictures, it wasn't quite as scary as the in the mirror, but still not the prettiest sight (I'm just loving that double butt I've got going on:-). I guess I had body issues when I was larger and those issues have not gone away just because I have shed over 90 pounds.
deedee

deedee

9
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