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A blog by deedee

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Happy New Year!

My rambling thoughts...   As I reflect over 2009, I realize that the year was sort of an emotional roller-coaster for me, but also how many wonderful things occurred in my life.   The beginning of the year started with anxiousness regarding having my fibroids surgically removed (hoped to keep my uterus), then sadness about the idea I wasn't as healthy as I'd like to be to get pregnant (too fat, not ovulating), next came excitement while learning about and preparing for weight loss surgery, trepidation while my wls date neared, elation with the results of a complication-free surgery and rapid weight loss, fear about entering a new decade (turned 30), frustration and happiness as I begun to learn my new stomach, and finally contentment and peace as I started to feel like the "real" me/ a normal person for the first time ever.   I'm now entering this 2010 year with a real sense of peace in my life. It's hard for me to describe...I'm happy. I think I will always be the type of person that has to have something to strive for, make myself better, but I'm starting to discover that just because there is always something to work towards, it's okay to just enjoy the moment too.   My plans and goals for the year (so far, because they are always changing/evolving depending on what life throws out) include... tryout to become a Jazzercise instructor (if I make it, GREAT, but just making it to that step is huge for me)
decluttering my life (there is a lot to this one)
reaching my goal weight (whatever that might be...right now I'm 155 lbs, 7 pounds away from a "healthy" bmi, but who knows where I'm supposed to end up...maybe here?)
enjoying as much of this year as possible without letting things drag me down (keep positive)
  I think that's all for now, I'm really excited for 2010, and thankful that I've been so blessed in all my previous years.
deedee

deedee

4
 

5 Months Post-op

Five seems to be an important number today. It was five months ago today that I had this life changing surgery, and as of today, I am five pounds from my goal weight.   I can't believe how fast the time has gone. So many changes have happened both physically and mentally. I'm finally getting used to people's comments. One new excellent development that occurred is my ability to wear shoes with heels. I went shopping on Saturday and wore heeled shoes for 7 hours and was pretty okay. Today I wore my boots all day at work and couldn't tell a difference than when I wear flat shoes. I guess with less weight on my body, my feet can handle being elevated.   Back to shopping, I really am developing a problem. Over the last month I have spent way too much money on clothing. I went to outlets in Virginia this past weekend and felt okay buying clothes because I am so close to goal and they should still fit when I drop the rest of the weight, but I know I need to get a handle on things soon.   My eating over the holidays was a little off. I did pretty good up until I went to visit family, but for some reason I REALLY lost it New Year's Eve and Day. Yesterday I finally got sort of back on track and hope to continue to lose 1-2 pounds per week.   As for my goal weight, I'm really thinking that 148 is a good goal weight for me. I'm pretty sure that I should be able to maintain it watching my diet with a few splurges (like last week) and my current exercise plan. I do not want to feel like I'm always on a diet...so for now, I'm thinking that is a good goal weight for me. I have tap tonight, but will have my husband take 5 month pictures when I get back.
deedee

deedee

1
 

Changes

Today I posted a thread about New Year's resolutions and responded to one of Chancie's posts regarding something that has changed for both of us: being cold a lot of the time now, instead of always hot and sweating. Both these things got me thinking about how much has changed in my life so far and the changes that are still yet to come.   My husband loves baseball (still relives his high school glory days:blush:). We had season tickets for the first few years that the Washington National's first came to town. They are currently a horrible team and we did not renew our tickets for last year, but it had more to do with my health than their record. During the hot months, I could barely make it from the parking lot to the stadium and after the game had trouble making it back...we started taking golf cart rides because of my knees. I had so much trouble not passing out from the heat during the spring/summer games. There were more games than I can recall where my husband insisted we leave early because he was so concerned about my health. I felt horrible for him, I felt like a lousy wife. Last year we resorted to buying club seats when we went so that I could sit in the air conditioned club level in the back, where I'd stay for the majority of the game leaving him in the seats by himself. I'm so looking forward to this new season. This year we purchased a partial season package (1/2 of the games, I mean they really are a crappy team, it wasn't completely my health that made us stop getting full season tickets) and I am so happy that I can do this with him!   Another big change that hit me today happened when I went into this little boutique in my town. They opened last April and I've always admired their window displays, but had never gone in. Today after going down to the post office I walked over to the bakery and passed the boutique. On my way back to the car I decided to pop in and they had some super cute stuff, although a lot of it more trendy than I typically wear. The owner came over and asked to start a fitting room for me and went and exchanged the medium dress I had for a small. She explained that the dress ran large and the small fit more like a medium. When I went to try it on she was right. I spent about an hour looking through the different racks, it's pretty small. For the first time in my life I realized what it must be like to be a normal sized person shopping for clothing. I've never had a problem shopping (actually have had problems in the past with shopping too much) and have shopped department stores and boutique stores, I just never had been in one where every style in the store actually had my size. I didn't have to dig to the bottom of the pile to look for the largest size. Also, the only boutiques I'd shop in were ones I'd been to with my skinnier friends and saw that they had clothes that fit me. This was a wonderful experience.   I can't wait to see what other changes are in store. I LOVE BEING (sort of) NORMAL. I never realized how much my weight (and health) impacted my daily life and the kind of concessions and adjustments it forced me (and my husband) to make on a daily basis. Sure I was pretty happy before, but it's like the old saying "You can't miss what you've never had." I've never had a normal weight (okay I still don't yet), so I didn't realize all of the things I was missing out on.
deedee

deedee

3
 

Lowest Weight EVER!!! (and some other reflections)

This morning my scale read 156.5 lbs!!! In 7th grade I remember going to the doctor for my period cramps and weighing 160 lbs. My weight went up from there and fluctuated from 160-180 throughout junior high and high school. My lowest being my sophomore year when I was so nervous about starting a new school and a new dance team that I stopped eating and weighed 158 lbs at Homecoming that year.   I cannot believe I've reached this point! I've really been reflecting on what Chancie wrote in a post this morning about being in denial while overweight. That was me, that's why when I saw pictures of me on the beach last spring break I was so shocked at how I looked, I never really saw that girl in the mirror, just thought I was smaller I guess. Now the opposite is sort of happening, when I see myself in pictures and compare to the before's I'm a little shocked at how much I've lost, but on a daily basis I still feel quite large with so much extra weight to lose. I really need to get back to buying new "goal" clothes and taking pictures more frequently because it sort of forces me to feel better.   It's really hard for me to accept compliments about the weight loss in real life and they make me uncomfortable, but I've always been this way (about any compliment said to my face) and have gotten pretty good at changing the conversation in a different direction. Don't get me wrong, I am pretty self-centered and a bit spoiled, but realize that there are many more important things than myself, so when I get a compliment for something I always want to give credit to everything/everyone that has made it possible for me to reach a goal or do something well. In this case, the sleeve is 90% responsible for my success. Sure I'm exercising and eating less, but in the past I've done these things with only 10-20% of these results.   Well, just my ramblings on a snowed in Saturday. We've been issued a blizzard warning, but so far still have power, Internet, and satellite.
deedee

deedee

4
 

Huge Victories!!!

I weighed myself this morning and the scale read 158.5, finally out of the 160's!!! My lowest weight of my teenage/adult life was 158, which I weighed in my sophomore year of high school. Although I set a goal of a "normal" bmi, I don't think I completely believed that it could happen. Now I definitely feel it WILL happen. Only 10.5 lbs. left to go.   My second victory is an NSV. I've really been feeling poorly over the last week. I thought it might be my gallbladder, then I was thinking an ovarian cyst, but I'm not a doctor and will be going in and hopefully it gets figured it out soon. Anyway, tonight I went to tap class and my husband decided to clean the master bathtub so I could take a relaxing bath when I got home. We have a small jacuzzi tub in there and I hadn't taken a bath since before surgery. I fit with so much room left on both sides. I didn't let it fill as far up as normal, because I was impatient, but the water still covered my body completely. I called my husband in so he could see how well I fit:thumbup:   A nice way to start the week, but I still wish it were Friday.
deedee

deedee

4
 

Thought I'd Share...what lead me to the sleeve

I just responded to someone trying to decide which wls to get, and while I think this is a very personal decision, I thought I'd share that response here. It was a good way for me to remember and reflect on my thought process.   Hello there,   I completely understand where you are coming from with weighing your options here. Ultimately I went with the sleeve because from everything I read about the band I KNEW it wouldn't fit my lifestyle. Yes, I understood that this surgery provided a tool, not magic :-) and we must work it, but I wanted a tool that would be as maintenance free as possible. I read lapbandtalk.com quite a bit and also asked my surgeon (well my husband did) about fills and unfills and finding that "sweet" spot. The surgeon basically said that the majority of people would be at a good restriction with the band by their 4th-6th fill. When my husband asked what about the others and the percentage who are not, the surgeon stated that in his experience some people (about 20 % of his patients) take 8 + months to find the right restriction. Like everyone else, I wanted this weight gone yesterday, and didn't want to find myself in the camp still not at a proper restriction a year out.   The reason we were questioning the surgeon re: band fill/maintenance was because both my husband and myself had similar fears as you. We were concerned with the permanent removal of so much of my stomach with the sleeve, although by that point I wasn't too concerned, but he was. I'd seen written many times on message boards...I want this weight loss to be permanent, so I want a permanent tool and that made sense to me. I read about many people, who had stomach cancer, living just fine with smaller stomachs for decades and that coupled with my own "laziness" and worry about never getting the proper restriction had me switch directions towards the sleeve. Another thing that pushed me were the stories I read of people needing to have the band removed due to erosion and scarring, nothing they could even control. I did not like that possibility at all!   Now on to the sleeve. IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DECISIONS I HAVE EVER MADE! As you know I am a little over 4 months out. I am down 62 pounds since the day of surgery and 78 pounds since beginning my pre-op diet (modified Atkins) on July 6 (so 5 months ago). I am definitely eating regular foods and in the last 2 months have not had any trouble getting anything down, sometimes I "slime" or choke from eating/drinking too fast, but I can drink water pretty quickly now without choking. Unfortunately the last month I've let some "bad" foods slip back in and started snacking quite a bit, which has lead to a slow down in my weight loss and caused some mini-stalls. But a couple of days ago I recommitted myself to getting to goal and this morning I was finally down another 1/2 pound. I know that I am not the fastest loser, but I'm happy with the success I've had so far. Below you will find some of the things I attribute my success to besides this great tool:   *Consistent exercise: I do Jazzercise 4 days per week, tap dance once per week, and the first 3 months walked 2-3 times per week (hurt my foot last month and haven't made it to the doctor...it comes and goes, but I'm afraid the doctor will make me stop exercising for a while, I'd rather just limp 2-3 days per week).   *Only drink water for the most part (and protein shakes when I can make myself)   *Visit the message boards and post when I can...this really helps me stay accountable, although the last couple of weeks even that didn't seem like enough   *Attended all of my post-op appointments...another accountability thing   *Desire to get pregnant...my surgeon said that once I was at a healthy weight for a couple of months that I could start trying; I actually have some other woman issues that might hinder this process and want to begin trying as soon as possible to see if I will need more help   *Allowing myself to eat anything I want, but in moderation...I added carbs back in pretty early and am trying to lose the rest of my weight the way I plan to maintain, so I feel as "normal" as possible   Sorry about the book, but I wanted to give you as clear of picture as possible regarding my decision making and thought processes. For all that I stated above, I think the band might be a good surgery for some, but I just decided it wasn't best for me. Please let me know if you have any further questions or just want to chat. I wish you luck with your decision! What a great way to start the new year.   Dee Dee
deedee

deedee

1
 

Failing

I am currently in a stall and IT'S ALL MY FAULT. Currently I am 4 months, one week out, and am pretty close to being at a normal bmi (my goal for now), but I'm just wondering if I'm ever going to make it.   My mind knows what I need to do, but I'm just not doing it. The biggest problem is that I am now snacking, and not because I'm hungry, which has upped my daily calorie intake. I've also added more fruits and veggies (salads) into my diet, but unfortunately this has meant less protein. Each night of the past week I've had the best intention of starting the next day with a protein drink, but it just hasn't happened. I'm hoping by writing this down, I can recommit to my weight loss journey.   This time of year (winter) has always been an emotional roller coaster for me, but it seems that this year, in particular, has been a lot more extreme "excitedness" and a lot more sadness. Lots of things seem to set me off in tears and then I try to pull myself out of it by focussing (obsessing) on some goal I'd like to accomplish, which excites me and gives me a purpose. The good news here is that my house has never been more organized, I actually spent 48 hours a couple weekends ago cleaning/completely emptying our sitting room, purchasing and putting together furniture and it looks great now!   I guess all this rambling is to say that I'm not doing too well with my sleeve tool. I really do not want to fail and hope I can get my mind back into the game soon.
deedee

deedee

1
 

Part of a new club...almost

Last night after my exercise class the instructor came over to congratulate me on how trim and fit I was looking (I wish I looked the same with my clothes off). I told her I have 15 pounds more to go and then I think I'll be done (still not sure about that final goal, I'll have to wait and see). I also expressed how much harder it has become to drop even a pound and we started talking. This instructor weighs 134.5 lbs, down from 136.5 two weeks ago...two weeks ago we started our winter challenge in class where we weigh and record each week on a chart if we want...that's the only reason I know her weight, because she told me her weight that night. She is in her early 40's and has the body a 20 something would die for, definitely an inspiration for me (maybe after plastics some day:-)   Anyway, she expressed that people in her life are always telling her how lucky she is that she can just eat anything because she is so skinny. She then said they just don't understand how hard it is for "us" to lose weight when "we're" smaller so "we" really have to be careful about gaining weight. For the first time I felt almost like I was apart of the smaller group.   My entire life I have been apart of the larger group. I started ballet at 2 and even then was the biggest dancer. Throughout school, cheerleading, and dance team, I was always one of the biggest girls. At the time it didn't really bother me, in fact sometimes I took pride that I could keep up and even beat out smaller girls for coveted spots. I had a pretty positive self-esteem, but was always realistic in who I was and my appearance. But last night I realized that I never considered myself as completely "normal" and definitely not "smaller." I don't think anyone was ever rude about my weight (except my older brother could be brutal, but he was family and didn't count), but I also never truly felt included in conversations about "normal" weight and fears. I remember friends talking about gaining 5 pounds over a semester and how they must lose it before this or that, and I was always like "so, that's not a big deal, it's just 5 lbs." I am starting to get that 5 pounds can make a size difference and means you may or may not fit into those jeans or that dress.   Enough of my ramble, I just wanted to journal this new experience I'm having. I still don't really fit in the "smaller" group, but I'd say I'm with the "normals" at least amongst my friends.
deedee

deedee

4
 

My husband called me "skinny"

:001_tongue:   I was drying off this morning after my shower and he opened the door to tell me something and stopped and smiled and said, "wow, you're getting so skinny." It was exactly what I needed to hear because while I was in the shower I kept pinching all of my fat around my belly, hips, and thighs and was feeling pretty disgusted about the fact that I have lost 75 lbs. and still have so much fat and flab. This comment made my whole day because it was such a sincere expression almost like he was caught off guard.   I also stopped off to do a little shopping and bought a pair of size 8 pants from Lands End. They are tight, but I can sit in them comfortably. I can't believe that 5 months ago my 22 W's from Lands End were tight and those were the ones with a hidden expandable waist.   I LOVE my sleeve!
deedee

deedee

3
 

4 Month Follow-up Appointment Today

I just got back from my follow-up appointment. The whole office was very excited to see the progress I've made over the last two months. After saying thank you for the compliments, I didn't know what else to say...it got to be a bit embarrassing and I kind of felt awkward.   The surgeon thought my blood work looked pretty good. He's having me take a break from the Vit. D for a month and then start taking 5,000 IUI's every other day (that level was too high, in July it was only 18). He's just having me take 500 mg of vitamin B12 because those levels were high as well. He wasn't concerned at all about my low iron because the saturation looked fine. For my cholesterol, he said to watch my cheese intake (I pretty much add cheese to everything in order to up my protein).   He did bring up my goal weight and basically said he'd like for me to shoot a little lower than just normal, he mentioned 22. We'll see, at 148 lbs I will have a bmi of 24.6, and at that point I know will feel like a success. I think I'll just know when I'm done and that will be that.   At the end of the meeting, I asked him about getting pregnant. He basically said what I thought, I need to be at a healthy weight for 2-3 months and that is usually around 12 months out for most. I'm considering coming back to a low carb diet to speed up the weight loss and hopefully get to goal sooner. I was planning to start trying in June (around 10 months post-op), but it would be great if I could start even sooner :001_tongue:.
deedee

deedee

1
 

No Scale...

Well, I guess I would have to call myself addicted to the scale. The last couple of nights I have been house/dog sitting for a friend and she doesn't have a scale. I have not been able to weigh myself since Saturday and have actually considered going to buy one at target up the road so I could weigh in tomorrow morning. This is absolutely ridiculous because it would not weigh me the same as mine at home, and really what does it matter, I obviously have scale issues:-) I really do need to have other things to focus on besides my weight. It's hard because I'm here alone with the dog and only had time to run a few errands and meet my husband for an early dinner before I needed to come over to take care of her. I now have the rest of the evening in front of me with no cable and my mind obsessing about if I gained or lost a pound overnight...it's a bit pathetic, but by writing this post I just managed to talk myself out of buying a new scale, so that's good.:ohmy:
deedee

deedee

1
 

First time in front of the class

This morning at Jazzercise the instructor announced to everyone that I would be trying out in Feb. to be an instructor and invited me to come up front to get a feel for how it would be. I was less than thrilled, feeling tired, bloated, and crampy, but she wouldn't take no for an answer.   I'm glad I had the experience. It is different having to do all the routines in a different direction and having people watch you for the way the movements are supposed to be done (it made me a lot more conscious of how I moved and did not allow me to get sloppy). It also reaffirmed how much better shape I need to be in before auditions. There would have been no way that I could have done the routines AND cued the movements today with the headset microphone...I would have been breathing so hard they wouldn't have been able to hear any of the directions:-)   The best part actually happened after class. Many people came up to talk with me and I got a lot of positive feedback on both my movements and my weight loss. One lady actually said I was easier to follow than the instructor (it's not true, our instructor is FABULOUS, but it was nice to be told anyway).   My weight loss has definitely slowed to a crawl. This week's total weight loss is -1 lb. It was a hard week in the beginning and now I'm on my period, so I guess I am just grateful for any loss.
deedee

deedee

3
 

I went to McDonald's and got...

...a bottle of water. Pre-surgery, McDonald's was one of my daily stops. I LOVED salt and grease. Even during my pre-op diet (July) I would stop by for breakfast and get a breakfast sandwich and take off all of the bread. Well, before I was sleeved I decided that McDonalds would be off limits to me. I knew this was possible because in the 4 years I've been with my husband he has never once eaten there (or any fast food) that was always something I did with friends or alone. He always said how the smell made him sick, although he does admit to eating there a couple of times during college.   Well tonight I left Jazzercise without filling up my water bottle for the ride home (about 25 minutes) and I was so thirsty. I turned to stop at a gas station not realizing that they had a barrier on that side and had to continue to a different road and turned around in the McDonalds' parking lot. While there I thought I'd run in and grab a water there. I couldn't believe it, as I stood in line nothing smelled good. I did not have any cravings! I got my water and left. This was so amazing to me because I was such an addict before. Now, I'm still not perfect with food, but I feel so much better knowing that this tool is such a help in keeping really bad foods at bay.
deedee

deedee

3
 

Much Better Day

I had a physical this morning with my PCP. I saw him about two weeks before my surgery and briefly explained what I was having done and he hadn't seen me since. At the time he seemed a little skeptical, but was of course professional. Today I was shocked with how supportive he was. We talked for a long time and I told him the lab work I wanted for sure and that my surgeon wanted (vitamin D level was low below surgery) and he actually left for a few minutes to research what else he might want to order due to me having bariatric surgery. This was great because I was self-pay so if he didn't order everything I would have had to pay to get the additional labs done.   Another great thing is that on their scale I weighed 164 lbs. I know it doesn't count because it's not the scale I weigh on all the time, but it was great to see that number fully clothed. The nurse who weighed me kept looking at my chart and then back to the scale and then finally I realized that she must be comparing my weight from the end of July (around 230 lbs) with this weight. I smiled and told her I had wls, she chuckled and said "oh." Then she told me how well I've done with it and asked questions about the procedure. I love my sleeve!   Lastly, I decided to join the same gym as my husband as a way to do more things together. I only signed up for a month to see how much I actually am able to attend. Right now I can squeeze in a workout before tap class on Mondays, and Fridays after work, and Sundays. Every other day I'm pretty much booked up with Jazzercise although I might try to workout some days before going to class. We'll see.
deedee

deedee

2
 

Not so great week...

This has been one of the worst weeks I have had post VSG-not related to surgery, just with stress. Due to this stress my eating has not been what it should be (not planned out at all, skipping meals, stopped at Subway twice, lots of peanuts) and although I've managed to keep up with daily exercise, I am just not losing (fluctuating one pound up then one pound down). I've heard and read that stress can cause us to hold onto weight, and I'm sure coupled with poor food/eating habits has not helped in the weight loss department.   So today is a new day and the week is not yet over. I took the day off for a physical and plan to hit the grocery store and get back to planning my meals. My husband and I had a heart to heart last night, so I think those issues are pretty much resolved. I hope I'm back on track to meet my next weight loss goal of weighing 165 lbs on my next follow-up visit with my surgeon on 12/2. That's 3-4 pounds I have to shed in 2.5 weeks. I think it's doable, if I just get back on track.   On a positive note, I found out yesterday that I passed the movement screening for Jazzercise and can now begin preparing for the audition in February. I was so very excited!
deedee

deedee

4
 

My mother...

My mom was not in favor of me having weight loss surgery. She encouraged me to try Jenny Craig AGAIN or look at the serotonin plus diet (even offered to pay for them). Although she did not like my decision, she always supported ME 100%. She sat with my husband during surgery, came to see me each day in the hospital, and came by my house during my recovery to bring me whatever I wanted.   Well, over the last few weeks, she has made some interesting comments regarding my clothing purchases. When we went shopping for my birthday I found a lot of clearance Lands End clothing at Sears that was 75-80%. I really wanted to buy some size 8's for next summer, but she said I'd never be that size, that I NEEDED to stop at 12 if I managed to get there. I was having such a pleasant day and was wearing 14-16 at the time, I just didn't want to make a big deal over it.   Last weekend we went out together and I was talking about how I ordered a size 10 Lilly dress (since I now fit my size 14 one I've had for a couple of years) because it was such a great deal. She got really upset that I was continuing to spend money on clothes and said, "And how long do you think you'll be that size? Like 6 months?" insinuating that I couldn't possibly maintain a lower weight. I accused her of being unsupportive and left it at that.   Yesterday I stopped by to pick something up and she decided she wanted to explain that she does support me, she's just worried that I will lose too much and start to look sickly like my anorexic aunt (one of her sisters). What?!? I weigh 174 lbs. I am at the top of the overweight bmi range. It was good we had the conversation. I think we both understand each better, but I am still just annoyed. I feel like part of her just doesn't want me to set my sights too high and fail (I've been through this before because I am so goal oriented and she worries). I just wish I could be at the end of this journey so that all of this was behind me.   Oh, well...it will all be okay, just needed to get this off my chest.
deedee

deedee

4
 

Working toward my goals

Tomorrow morning I will go to a movement screening to see if I am able to try out to be a Jazzercise instructor in February. I'm very excited, but also nervous. I am still not in the best of shape and I need to definitely work on strengthening my core as well as all other areas, but we'll see what they say. To become an instructor has been my fitness goal.   I'm considering signing up for personal training for 6 weeks to see if that helps me build strength and drop the last 22 pounds. The training studio is on my way home from work after I get out of the city and would be twice a week sessions with a personal trainer. I'm going to call after I find out how I do tomorrow and maybe schedule a fitness evaluation.   On a completely different note, this morning I weighed in at 169.5 lbs. I'm out of the 170's, yay! So I'm still trekking towards my weight loss goal, although things are slowing down.
deedee

deedee

2
 

I have revised my goal weight and eating plan

I never set a goal weight with my surgeon. At my last follow-up appointment he asked me about it and I responded that I wanted to be in a normal weight range. On here I had set my goal weight as 138 lbs (23 bmi), because that would be exactly 100 lbs from my consultation weight (although not my highest weight).   This weekend I did some thinking and have adjusted my goal weight to 148 lbs. This puts my bmi at 24.6, which I know is the high end of normal, but I think it's a great goal for me. In high school I managed to get down to 158 for a few months, but cannot ever remember being lower than that. My goal may get adjusted again, I'll just have to wait and see.   I have also decided to begin eating as normally as possible as I work on dropping the last 23 lbs. I've really struggled with whether or not to push myself to goal as fast as possible during my "honeymoon" stage by staying on a high protein and low carb diet or use this weight loss process/journey to develop some new habits with food while I have such good restriction. The latter choice entails not depriving myself of any foods as long as I limit the portion and/or frequency. For now this is what I will try to do. I am continuing with my protein supplement and eating protein first, but I am also allowing carbs back in and no longer tracking them. I JUST WANT TO HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD! We'll see how this goes, if that's even possible for me. I figure if I can manage to lose these last pounds with this diet in place, there shouldn't be any reason why I cannot maintain my weight loss. Now, if I really start to stall then I will be back to high protein, low carb.
deedee

deedee

11
 

3 Months Post-op

Tomorrow will be my three month surgiversary. I cannot believe how fast the time seems to fly by. I truly feel like I'm learning to live with this wonderful tool by trying to develop habits that I can sustain for life. I'm exercising at least 5 days a week doing things I really enjoy. My vitamin and protein intake still needs work, but it continues to get better each week.   Currently my biggest dilemma is how I want to go about the rest of my weight loss phase. This morning I weighed in at 174.5, down 47.5 lbs since the morning of surgery, for a total of 63.5 lbs since beginning my pre-op diet. Lately I've been torn on whether I should begin adding more carbs into my diet (well, I've actually been doing that) so that I lose the rest of the weight (about 38 lbs) in a way that I know I can maintain once I'm finished. The other part of me really thinks it would be great just to lose these last pounds as quickly as possible before my "honeymoon" period ends and then worry about maintenance because I know to get under what I am now will take a lot of work. Anyway, I'm sure I'll figure it out as I go.   Overall, I am soooooo happy with the weight loss and grateful that I was able to have this procedure.   Accomplishments so far: *Wearing sizes 12-14 depending on brand (22-24 before pre-op diet) *28 day cycles (50-80 days before surgery) *Exercising at least 5 days per week AND loving it *No desire to eat McDonald's (ate there 5-7 times per week before surgery)   My hopes and dreams over the next few months: *Fit into the size 10 Lilly dress I just purchased *Pass the Jazzercise audition *Get pregnant (that's quite a ways down the road, but still) *Continue towards my weight loss goal of 100 lbs. gone
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4
 

A little carb overload this weekend

When I got home from work on Friday I was a little warm and had a sore throat and cough. I ended up having to cancel my Halloween plans and have spent most of the day today resting and napping. Luckily I never developed a true fever, but my cough has gotten worse and I have a stuffy nose, so I guess I have a head cold.   The problem...this weekend I had a couple of planned things and I was not going to worry about my carb intake (not have candy, but I was going to have tortillas and bread). Even though I had to cancel plans, I still let myself overindulge a bit with the carbs. I had a lot of teriyaki turkey jerky, probably 7 oz. over the weekend (I didn't even weigh it), which I usually limit to 1 oz per day. I had 1/4 of a subway sandwich and actually ate the bottom half of the bread (I usually eat a bite or two of the bread, but I just left the entire bottom on). I also had 2 orange cream bars. Basically I just ate like crap. I know that I will get back on track tomorrow, but I needed to get this off my chest now.   On a positive note, I managed to get my exercise in both Friday and Saturday. I'm also planning to fill out my application to try out as a Jazzercise instructor this coming week. There is a tryout in February and one in June. I was going to wait until June because I wanted to be in great physical shape, but talking with my instructor this weekend, I think I may shoot for the Feb. one. This would mean that I would need to add a little more exercise into my weekly routine.   Saturday was also a great day (besides being sick). After exercising, I went to Old Navy and Ann Taylor Loft and bought new exercise clothes. (I was so sick of having to hold my XL pants up when I was working out or tap dancing.) I bought 2 large pants and 3 size mediums, and they all fit! I also bought 2 size large tank tops. I was so excited.   I also broke out of my mini-stall. This morning I weighed in at 175, but I'm sure I'll be up some weight over the next couple of days once this weekend's eating catches up with me, oh well.
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1
 

Huge NSV!!!

I really love Lily Pulitzer clothing and a few years back they stopped making size 16. I was upset, but went ahead and bought a dress in a 14 at the end of one season (when it was like 60% off) with the goal of being able to wear it after whatever diet I was on at the time. I never once have been able to get it zipped, when I got really heavy last year, I couldn't get it around my hips.   Well, this dress sort of served as my carrot. Every weekend since I started my pre-op diet I have tried it on. This weekend I had another big closet clean out where I try everything on in my closets, dresser, and under bed bins. I got to this dress and told myself that maybe in another couple of weeks it would fit perfect, but guess what...IT ZIPPED! I was so ecstatic!!! I had told myself that it would eventually fit, but to actually be able to zip it up was WONDERFUL.   I had my husband take some pictures, I'm going to try to post one here and in my profile. The funny thing is, I don't really like the dress that much now that it fits, but it is such an accomplishment that I will always keep it.   Edited: cannot figure out how to put a picture here, so it's just in my album.
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2
 

TMI...NSV sort of (might not want to read)

A little background... So a big reason for me to have WLS was to be healthy enough to get pregnant. A year ago this month I had my first appointment with a fertility specialist. At that time my cycle was anywhere between 55-80 days (I think). I remember that they gave me medicine in November to bring on my period so they could do 3 day blood work, and it still took 11 days before my period actually came. They determined my fibroids were so large (as well as small) and numerous that I needed to have them removed before proceeding with treatment. I was also diagnosed with PCOS (although my PCP had diagnosed it 2 years previous as well). I had the open surgery to remove the fibroids in Jan. 09 and my next 2 cycles were fairly normal (around 36 days). Then I started really packing on the weight and had an 80 day cycle. I began researching weight loss surgery (there were other factors as well).   Well, for the NSV... This month I had a 28 day cycle! After the last two years, it is just so amazing. I actually recorded the date I thought I ovulated and it was exactly 14 days into the cycle. I am so excited and hopeful that this will continue.
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1
 

I'm Overweight!!!!! And some other stuff...

Well, I just wrote a thread about a couple of successes and then went to change my ticker. Guess what? I am no longer obese. My BMI is now 29.8!!! I cannot believe it...this sleeve is amazing. I am still a work in progress when it comes to this new lifestyle, but every week I get better.   Food is no longer an addiction, but I am falling back into some addictive shopping behavior patterns that I worked hard throughout my 20's to overcome. I did much better this weekend with my shopping and didn't spend nearly as much money as I had a few weeks ago in part because the clothes I bought a few weeks ago are already starting to look frumpy. I'm convincing myself that I do not need cute clothes at every size and also think I'll buy more dresses that I can wear through multiple sizes. Unfortunately they do not have very good thrift stores around here and the consignment shops (that I have found) only take really high-end clothing and I'd spend much more at them than at discount or regular department store sales.   Did I mention that I LOVE MY SLEEVE!
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2
 

Today I am 30!

It was a great weekend and today was terrific. I spent yesterday having some girl fun--got my hair trimmed, a little shopping (got a couple girdle style undergarments), and got my colors redone for make up (a mini-makeover). Today I spent a great morning/afternoon with my husband-we tried going to the zoo, but with school/people out it was kind of crowded and we ended up walking around Woodley and Cleveland Park areas and eating at a good Mexican restaurant. Tonight we were supposed to go to one of my favorite places to get steak, but during lunch (that was not planned) I ate a little much, so we are going to put off dinner until later in the week.   On the food front, I was just thinking that with each diet I tried I always knew that one of my big problems was that I treated most meals out like it was my birthday...I always got whatever I wanted and ate as much as I could (I mean I was paying for it). It's kind of funny that today is actually my birthday, but I'm not worried about eating my "favorites" and as much as I want (although I decided not to count my carbs today and had some tortilla chips, but then couldn't eat even a quarter of my chicken quesadilla). I'm not doing cake or dessert AND it doesn't matter! That's one way the sleeve has helped change my outlook on life.   This morning I swung by my mom's house where she had to take my picture and called me skinny! I know I'm still considered obese, but this just kind of made my morning. She was not such a great supporter of the surgery (she wanted me to try Jenny Craig or the Serotonin plus diet "just one more time"), but she was there through all parts of pre-op and post-op and it's nice to see how she's very proud of the weight loss and my following the plan.   Well, I've spent the last 9 months not looking forward to this day, but I have to say, it's been wonderful. I told my husband that next year's birthday I'll either be skinny or pregnant (with surgeon's approval). :cursing:
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5
 

Feeling down...

I've been feeling somewhat sad for the last couple of days. For some reason I'm feeling fatter right now than the day of surgery (I know it's not rational and not true, but it's how I feel). I'm very happy with the weight loss number I've had so far (it has exceeded my expectations by so much, I was hoping to be here by Christmas initially), but when I look in the mirror I just see an unattractive, overweight woman.   This morning my husband came in and informed me that our scale was not working because it said he was 6 pounds lighter than last week and we needed a new one. I explained that it matched my surgeon's scale exactly last week, but he just wouldn't let it go. I lost it and started crying and told him if it was broken then I must weigh 6 pounds more than I thought. I know he felt bad and it wasn't a big deal at all and nothing worth crying about, I just couldn't help myself. He sent me 3 emails throughout the day saying how proud he is of my progress, I thought that was nice.   Tonight at Jazzercise, a woman came up to me as we were transitioning between routines and commented on my weight loss. She asked if I was doing Weight Watchers or something else (I guess she wasn't there the many times I mentioned my surgery) and I told her that I had surgery. She just sort of gave me a baffled look, her whole excitement level changed, and she went back to her spot. It was the first sort of negative reaction, but at least I didn't cry.   I'm not sure what is wrong, but I just don't feel right. I'm thinking it might be a hormonal change like I've read about with major weight loss. I think I'm going to have to drop one day of my exercise classes to start going back to my therapist again (haven't seen her since mid-September) at least for right now.
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